Chapter Text
Sunlight streamed through the high windows of Gryffindor tower in long stretches, falling across Sirius’ face and waking him early from a restless sleep. Rubbing crust from his eyes, he opened them to find the scrunched up face of Lily Evans leaning over him.
“The fuck you want, Evans?” he asked, groggily.
“The fuck you doing asleep on the couch, Black?”
Sirius shied away from her cheery voice, grating on his ears after a long night of drinking. Ignoring her question, he closed his eyes again, doing a quick status check on his beleaguered body. His head and body ached from the combination of riding too hard and drinking too much, although not as badly as he probably deserved. He briefly entertained the notion that he was still drunk.
“You absolutely reek of smoke, did you buy out the nearest tobacconist or what?”
“What do you care?”
Lily stayed silent, scowling at the boy below her, taking in his disheveled form. She thought they had moved past him being snippy to her, and she had never seen him so unkempt before. There were dark shadows under his eyes, his long black locks matted and tangled. As she began to adjust to the overwhelming stench of smoke she noticed the lingering notes of what could only be firewhiskey. When she didn’t answer, he opened his eyes again to find her scrutinising him closely.
“What?”
“Did you and Remus have a row?”
“No.”
“Then why are you asleep on the couch?”
“Because someone took my bed,” he quipped dryly.
“Oh and you all of a sudden decided it was a problem?” She arched a finely groomed eyebrow at him and he found himself at a loss to answer that he did indeed suddenly have a problem with being surrounded by the smell of his fake boyfriend as it was a reminder that he smelled Remus in his amortentia, but Remus didn’t smell him.
Pushing his legs over a bit, Lily perched on the edge of the couch, turning her eyes toward the rising sun, speculating that Sirius might be more likely to talk to her if she weren’t leaning over him and staring him down. Nonetheless, he watched her warily as she settled back comfortably.
“You disappeared quickly after potions yesterday.”
“Needed fresh air. Can’t be cooped up in this castle all the time.”
“Can’t have been too fresh, with the way you smell. How many bottles of firewhiskey did you finish then?”
“Not sure, maybe you can ask James later and lecture him instead.”
“I’m not lecturing you, Sirius. Frankly, I don’t care what you do. I’m worried about if you look like this, when you’re a self-centred, arrogant bastard, how Remus must look.”
“I told you, this has nothing to do with Remus.”
“Yes, and I don’t believe you.”
“Yeah, well, he’s fine.”
“What did your potion smell like?”
“Like none of your goddam business, Evans,” his voice heated as his temper rose.
Lily bit her tongue. Sirius’ temper was a wildfire that she knew well to avoid, and she could tell by his defensiveness and agitation that she had found the source of the problem. Chewing the inside of her cheek in thought, she decided to change her approach.
“Remember the hearts last week? The floating ones?”
Sirius studied her, confused by the change in topic, but nodded.
"That was me."
His eyebrows shot up, but once he thought about it more, realised it fit in with all the other pranks she and James had pulled on he and Remus. But why tell him now? And why didn't she make a big deal about it then, like all the other jokes?
“I’ll tell you how it worked if you promise to keep your trap shut about it to James.”
“And why would I do that?”
“Because you don’t want to listen to him yammer on about me more than he already does.”
Sirius flinched, picturing an obsession even greater than James already exhibited. “Alright,” he grumbled. “I promise.”
Lily smiled brightly down at him. “A potion, which I slipped in the pitchers of tea and coffee before they were delivered to the tables. The hearts appeared when a person was near the one they adore.”
The boy scowled scowled, trying to figure out why she was telling him or why it mattered. “Okay? So?”
Rolling her eyes, Lily sighed, “so, I banked on the fact that you two actually fancied each other.”
Heat flooded his cheeks, “you don’t know who I like, I was near a lot of people that day, it bloody could’ve been anyone.”
Glancing at him sidelong, she decided to ignore that argument and present him with the more important one to consider. “Okay, sure, but when you were alone with Remus did he still have hearts?”
Sirius opened his mouth to respond, but found himself speechless, snapping it shut as he realised what she was suggesting. He thought back to Remus, tawny curls disheveled from the breeze sweeping through the astronomy tower as the two danced under the stars and fireflies, hearts floating softly up from both their heads. He remembered thinking the effects had worn off, how they hadn't appeared over his own head for hours, until he saw Remus approaching the tower.
Returning to the present, his eyes darted to the red-headed girl smiling down at him, clearly pleased with herself.
“His potion though-”
“Ask him again.”
“What?”
Lily rolled her eyes, still settled back against Sirius' legs and the couch back. “James asked him in front of all of us, while obsessing over what mine smelled like and even though he could see Remus was distressed, because Potter is an insensitive prick. Ask him yourself what his potion smelled like.”
Sirius was quiet a moment before suddenly jumping to his feet, throwing Lily off in the process, ignoring her indignant yelp. Striding towards the stairs he looked over his shoulder as an after thought, “I’m telling the insensitive prick you’re down here in an empty common room.”
“Fuck you, Black!”
Sirius took the stairs two at a time, almost losing his balance as Peter emerged from the dorm.
“You’re up early.”
“Have to go finish what I didn’t last night in detention with Slughorn. What are you doing up?”
“Errr… nothing, go to detention,” pushing past him impatiently.
James was in the same position he had passed out; sideways across his bed with the curtains open. Sirius skidded to a halt in front of him, smirking as he considered the best way to wake the boy. Eyeing the quidditch magazine left open on the bed next to him, Sirius stepped back, drawing his wand and whispering Ducklifors. A brilliant stream of yellow light shot from his wand, hitting the magazine and transforming it into a duck. The bird shivered, ruffling its feathers, before turning and quacking loudly right in James’ ear.
James yelped and rolled off the bed, landing on the ground with a heavy thud. Sirius cackled, quickly dismissing the duck while James lay groaning. Slowly, he rolled over, blinking up at Sirius, who noted he looked a bit green.
“How are you awake. And moving. And not throwing up. And please stop moving before I do.”
“One day you will learn to hold your liquor, young buck. I feel great. But if you’re not, the lovely Miss Evans is currently alone in the common room, and you know she’s a brilliant potioneer. I bet she has a hangover potion with your name on it.”
James blinked several times, the words taking a bit to sink in through the muddled, hungover bog that was currently his mind. After what felt like forever to Sirius, but was probably no more than a few seconds, James struggled to his feet before trudging down the stairs in the search of Lily and the beautiful, wonderful elixir that was hangover potion.
Sirius watched James’ retreating back, heart beating faster as the door clicked shut behind him. Before he could even take a steadying breath, he heard Remus cast an Imperturbable charm, ensuring neither James nor Peter could interrupt or overhear them. Sirius turned, surprised, despite having planned to do it himself. He found Remus standing by his bed wearing the same clothes as the night before, his head bowed, fingers clenched around his wand. Sirius swallowed thickly.
“What did I do?” His voice shook, filled with anguish that tugged painfully at Sirius’ heart, rooting him where he stood.
“Rem-”
“What did I do?” He looked up and Sirius saw unshed tears glistening in his eyes. “You couldn’t stand to be near me, you flinched when I touched you, Sirius! You wouldn’t even look at me or stay in the same room,” his voice broke, freeing Sirius from his frozen state.
He cross the room quickly, hands cupping Remus’ face as the first tear fell. He swiped it away with the pad of his thumb. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please don’t cry Moonshine.”
Remus looked up into grey eyes, filled with worry, remorse, and uncertainty. He gripped the front of Sirius’ shirt with shaking hands, burying his face in his neck with a choked sob. Sirius’ arms quickly encircled him, holding him tight against his chest. One hand tangled in his hair as he whispered comforting words, guilt tearing him apart for hurting his friend so.
When his tears ceased to flow, Remus pulled back with a slight hiccup. “Is it because of this silly fake relationship?” he asked quietly, not meeting Sirius’ eyes.
Sirius continued to rub soothing circles on his back, refusing to let go of the boy. “No.” Remus looked up, slightly surprised at the surety of the response. “It isn’t.”
“What did I-”
“You didn’t do anything, Remus,” his voice was low as he reached up, brushing tawny curls back from his boyfriend’s face. “I was being a prat. I’m so sorry I upset you.”
“What made you come back?”
At that, Sirius hesitated, looking away and shifting. He started to back up, feeling the need to put space between him and Remus, panic starting to well up in him at the idea of telling him how he felt. Remus gripped his arms, refusing to let him pull away.
“Please,” he begged. “Please, tell me Pads.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Taking a deep breath and swallowing several times before he could force the words past his lips. “Lily found me on the couch and made me come back. She said,” he glanced at Remus’ face before looking away again quickly. “She said to ask you again, without everyone around. What… what did your potion smell like, Remus?” The question was so quiet, he wasn’t sure Remus would have heard him if they weren’t only a few inches apart.
After several excruciating seconds of no answer, Sirius chanced a glance up at Remus. His face was pale, and he looked about as terrified as Sirius felt himself. “What does that have to do with you avoiding me?” he asked, hesitantly.
Sirius looked down, kicking his toe against the floorboards. “You said it was no one you knew,” he whispered. He felt anxiety welling up in him, hysteria threatening to bubble over if this didn’t resolve itself soon. His body began to shake under Remus’ hands, breath coming too fast.
“Hey, hey, Sirius, I’m sorry. Take a deep breath, what’s wrong?”
“Please,” he choked. “Please, just answer the question. Or let me go.”
Remus took a ragged breath, unsure why Sirius was freaking out. He briefly considered that Lily had somehow known, but he hadn’t told her. Even if she had guessed, he couldn’t imagine her telling Sirius. And if she had, he wouldn’t be here now, would he? The whole situation made no sense, but he took another breath and resolved to answer truthfully, if only in the hopes that it calmed Sirius and kept him from running away again. Although, perhaps he was going to run either way…
“Old books,” he paused as Sirius looked up from his feet. Releasing his grip on the boy’s arms to cup his face, Remus tried to memorise the softness in those grey eyes, fearing it may be the last time Sirius looked at him with any hint of affection. “The spice of your cologne… and a mixture of grass and…you, like when you come off the quidditch pitch.”
Sirius mouth dropped open in shock, eyes wide, darting back and forth, searching for some hint of untruth. When his arms came up, Remus flinched, expecting him shove him away, leaving him completely disoriented when they wrapped around his waist, hands splayed flat on his lower back. He gasped as Sirius’ lips crashed against his, before instinctually rising up to meet him. Unlike their kiss so many months ago on the tables in the Great Hall, this one didn’t end as quickly as it began, although Remus was equally as shocked by it.
Slowly, his brain wrapped around the fact Sirius wasn’t running away. Sirius was kissing him. Sirius was pressed against him. He whimpered against his mouth, arms wrapping around the taller boy’s neck, trying to pull him even closer. He was drowning in the sensation of Sirius completely surrounding him, his spicy scent filling his nose as his soft, pouting lips fit perfectly against his own.
Remus pulled back when he felt his cheeks wet with tears that weren’t his own, seeing tracks running down the other boys face. Sirius just leaned forward though, kissing his forehead, his nose, his cheeks.
“What’s wrong, Padfoot?” his voice was breathy, mind torn between concern and the way Sirius’ lips were moving over him.
“You.” Kiss. “I smelled you.” Kiss. “And I panicked.” Teeth grazed Remus’ jaw. “And then you said you didn’t smell me.” Sirius planted a hot, open mouth kiss just below his ear.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, turning to groan as Sirius nipped his ear.
“s’okay.”
Remus hummed his approval when Sirius’ lips returned to his. The kiss was slower this time, melting away the fears that had clung to both boys. “Was scared,” he murmured against the other’s lips, before kissing him again.
Sirius smiled against him, before pulling back just enough to break the kiss, leaning his forehead against Remus’.
“You know how Lily convinced me?” Remus shook his head, having wondered that. “Remember the hearts we thought were from the Hufflepuffs? I thought it was just some charm that had them float up randomly. I kind of noticed it didn’t happened all the time, but couldn’t figure out the pattern and just dismissed it.” He paused, glancing shyly at the boy before him, reaching up to run his thumb over his lower lip, feeling Remus’ slight intake of breath. “It was Lily. She told me this morning how it worked, but I had to promise not to tell James. It was a potion she made and put in the Gryffindor coffee and tea that morning. The hearts appear when you’re near the one you adore. At breakfast, they floated up from her a bit too. But… she told me to ask you again, what your amortentia smelled like… she had banked that joke on us actually liking one another.”
Remus gazed at the boy before him, gently kissing the pad of his thumb. “I do.” Sirius looked at him questioningly. “Adore you.”
Sirius’ smile was blinding. He slid his hand behind Remus’ head. “I adore you too, Moony.” He leaned down slowly, lips barely brushing-
A loud thud collided with and bounced off the dorm door startling the boys apart.
“Oi! I know you tossers Imperturbed the bloody door, now settle this lover’s spat, kiss and make up, and open the damn door so I can go back to sleep!”
Sirius smirked at James’ hollering and the blush painting his Moony’s cheeks. Taking his wand out of his back pocket, he cast the counter charm, and quickly grabbed Remus before he could catch on. He swung the boy around, following him down as he lost his balance, landing on James' bed. Sirius kissed him, hot and wet, sliding his hand up his shirt and groping him obscenely, just as James threw the door open with Lily behind him.
“BLOODY HELL, WHAT THE FUCK, BLACK,” James screech. "Why? Why my bed? Why not Puddifoot's, or the broom closet, or the astronomy tower, or literally anywhere else?"
Sirius grinned, lifting himself slightly off Remus, who clung to him, hiding his face and groaning against his boyfriend’s chest.
Lily just laughed, "about damn time, boys."