Chapter Text
TaeTae has logged in.
TaeTae has entered group chat: A Murder of Husbands
TaeTae: morning husbands
TaeTae: and an extra special good morning to our beloved @Hobi whom I'd die for
Hobi: ❀ܓ(｡◠ ꇴ ◠｡ )
Hobi: GOOD MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!
Princess: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY DAY SUNSHINE WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!
AgustD:
EatJin: BEST DAY OF THE YEAR
Joonie: excuse you
EatJin: ............ one of the best days of the year (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡
Joonie: that's what I thought kid
EatJin: kid??????????????????????? the audacity???
Angel: you two, stop flirting.
Angel: @Hobi what horny plans have you got for us today, beautiful?
Hobi: actually, no horny stuff today please
Hobi: in fact I'm going to specifically request we avoid it today if possible
Princess:
TaeTae: [nervous laughter] what the fuck
Joonie: not that you ever have to explain yourself on your day
Joonie: unless you wanna, like, stab someone
Joonie: i'd probably ask for an explanation for that
Joonie: can i ask why?
Hobi: our last few days have been sex heavy
Hobi: which is FINE btw like FUCK yeah
Hobi: but I figured one day of consciously going out of our way to be wholesome
Hobi: idk it might be nice
Hobi: just to be a little more innocent
Hobi: not that sex can't be wholesome or is somehow a lesser way of spending time together
Hobi: OK I'M RAMBLING I'M SORRY I JUST WANNA TRY SOMETHING A BIT DIFFERENT
Angel: omg that's so romantic
Angel: babe
Hobi:（˶′◡‵˶）
EatJin: i LOVE it that's so sweet
EatJin: did you have any other requests for today?
Hobi: other than a movie night tonight, all i want is for all of us to relax today and i really really wanna laugh!
Joonie: DONE AND DONE!
AgustD: @TaeTae @Princess I'm calling you two out specifically
AgustD: I see a SINGLE sexual activity and it's on SIGHT
Princess:
Hobi: uuuuh it's not quite that serious my love, if they wanna have some time alone that's totally fine, I just wanna keep things PG around me if possible
EatJin: NOPE
EatJin: we're going big or going home
EatJin: TOTAL SEX BAN IN THE DORM OR YOU'LL MAKE HOSEOK CRY
Hobi:
EatJin: it's just a day, no one will die after a day of no cumming
TaeTae: you'll regret this when I do die you monsters
Joonie:
AgustD: IF I SEE ANYONE WITH SO MUCH AS A HALF CHUB, I'M CUTTING THE WHOLE DAMNED THING OFF
Hobi: IT'S R E A L L Y NOT THAT SERIOUS OH MY GOD
Angel: to the shock of absolutely no one, we've once again turned a simple request into a serious competition
Angel: completely typical
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1 Hour Later
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Joonie: ALERT!!! ALERT!!!!
Joonie: the second hobi announced he was heading back to bed to get some more sleep for the morning
Joonie: @Princess started touching his dick!!!!!
Princess: WAIT WHAT NO
AgustD:
Princess: MY ZIPPER GOT STUCK
EatJin: a l i k e l y story you absolute heathen
TaeTae: this is a toxic family i'm moving out i can't be here anymore
TaeTae:
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Hobi: would anyone like to come with me to get some snacks?
Joonie: oooh yes please I'd love to go on a date with you
Joonie: hang on let me get my coat
Hobi: i hardly think running down to the corner store to grab some gatorade and pringles counts as a date
Joonie: it's a date and i'm going to carry all your bags and open every door on the way
Hobi: ...
Hobi: i love you omg
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TaeTae: this is like the abstinence competition all over again
TaeTae: the second I know I can't touch my dick, it starts banging pots and pans together
Hobi: again i really must insist that it ain't that serious lmaooooooooo
Princess: yeah but have you ever know us to turn down a challenge?
Hobi: i have not, no
Hobi:..... also I can't lie this is pretty entertaining
Hobi: poor tete looks like he's straight up about to start sweating
EatJin: is he nervous or horny?
EatJin: the world may never know
Angel:
Princess: @TaeTae you horny furry mfer I can smell your omega slick from here
TaeTae: knot me daddy ksksksks
Hobi: I'M SCREMWDMJEDOG
AgustD: you two need to stop reading fanfiction oh my god
TaeTae: @AgustD @Joonie breed me alphas uwu uwu
EatJin has kicked user TaeTae
EatJin has kicked user Princess
EatJin: I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS IN MY GOOD CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD
EatJin: and in WHAT universe is OUR Min Yoongi an ALPHA???
AgustD: HEY
Joonie: oh my god lmaoooooooooooooo
Hobi: ple,as i can't laigh anymore my stomach huurrts oh my goddddddd
Hobi: this is the best day ever
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Private Chat: Maknae and RealMaknae
Maknae:
RealMaknae: fine but you're both on thin ice
RealMaknae: ..... <3
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Group Chat: A Murder of Husbands
EatJin has added users TaeTae, Princess
Angel: welcome back
Angel: how did you enjoy the punishment zone?
Princess: oh it was great
Princess: we really had time to reflect on our sins
Princess: and i think we both grew as people
TaeTae: ^ I even have something I wanna say
Joonie: oh this'll be good
AgustD:
EatJin:
TaeTae: i....
TaeTae: kinda wanna fuck Nick Wilde
TaeTae:
EatJin has kicked user TaeTae
Hobi: NGPIEJGOJROHSJE[PHKSEO
Hobi: I LITERALLY CANNOT FEEL MY CHEEKS FROM LAUGHING
Hobi: P LE A SE I LOV E YOU ALL
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Private Chat: TaeTae and JinJin
JinJin: well done baby boy, you made hoseok laugh so much
TaeTae: the sacrifices i make for love lol
TaeTae: can i come back into the group chat now pls
TaeTae: not being in it makes me feel weirdly cold and alone
JinJin: lol i know what you mean
JinJin: it's crazy how integral that stupid chat is to our lives
TaeTae: no one tell jungkook
TaeTae: he's already got a big head
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Group Chat: A Murder of Husbands
EatJin has added user TaeTae
EatJin: i'm watching you closely
EatJin: next person to make a furry joke gets shanked
Joonie: ........................... so now would be a bad time to mention i'm watching Zootopia, huh?
EatJin: why yes namjoon you'd be correct about that
Joonie: noted
Joonie: i won't mention it then
Hobi:
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A Few Hours Later
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Angel: so i made the decision to start drinking the wine y'all gifted me
AgustD: can you see straight?
Angel: i'm typing aren't i
Angel: ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ
Angel: so anyway now that the alcohol is flowing through my system and i've unlocked untold potential in my brain
Hobi: ... go on
Angel: it got me thinking
Angel: do you think soulmates are actually real?
Princess:
Angel: but like
Angel: scientifically real
Hobi: why can i already feel my heart about to break
Hobi: god Jimin is dangerous
Angel: like maybe we're all made out of stardust from a star system long gone supernova
EatJin:
AgustD: that is... such a nice thought
Angel: maybe seven stars danced around each other for billions of years
Angel: until they finally collided and became stardust and it was like coming home
Joonie: i'm gonna lose it
TaeTae: you and me both
Angel: then their stardust made us
Angel: so we could be together again
Angel: dancing side by side just like we were billions of years ago
Angel: always meant to find each other
Angel: always meant to dance together
Angel: always meant to collide
Princess:
Hobi: i'm
Hobi: i literally don't even know what to say
Hobi: i kinda just wanna curl up in a blanket and sob maybe a little bit
Hobi: but i also definitely wanna kiss you all
EatJin: what's stopping you
Hobi: ... you're so right
Hobi: what IS stopping me
Hobi: nothing that's what
Hobi: hold tight everyone i'm coming for smooches
Joonie: @Angel I never took you for such a poetic romantic
Angel: it's definitely the alcohol
TaeTae: at least he's honest
TaeTae: and @Hobi hurry up i want my kiss ASAP
Hobi: DEMANDING
TaeTae:＊*♡( ⁎ᵕᴗᵕ⁎
AgustD: ... @Joonie
Joonie: what's up baby?
AgustD: i wanna write a song :(
AgustD: jiminie's got me having feelings
Joonie: that's a wonderful idea
EatJin: how on EARTH are you gonna write a song about stardust and soulmates that DOESN'T read as romantic
Joonie: WHO SAID IT COULDN'T READ AS ROMANTIC FUCK IT LET'S DO IT
TaeTae: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
Hobi: i asked for jokes for my anniversary day and instead got a song?
Hobi: ooft
Hobi: even once the romantic lyrics have been altered so it's about us AND ARMY so it's less... obvious and more socially acceptable, instead of just between the seven of us.......... I'll still love it <3
Princess: god i wish it was anniversary week every week
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A Few Hours Later
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EatJin: @Hobi
Hobi: yah?
EatJin: i give you a one time offer
EatJin: for today and today only
EatJin: we will all sit down and watch your collection of cheesy rom-coms
Hobi: OMG REALLY???
Hobi:
Princess: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
TaeTae: SHUT UP JUNGKOOK THIS IS FOR HOBI
Princess: you're right
Princess: sob
Princess: i will power through these god awful movies in the name of love
Hobi: YOU WANNA WATCH 27 DRESSES OR SWEET HOME ALABAMA?
Joonie: baby you can have both
Hobi: IFESIJGIOASEF YAY
AgustD: he actually skipped to his room to grab the dvds
TaeTae: today has been an emotional day
TaeTae: if only jimin were conscious
Joonie: WHO LET HIM KEEP DRINKING
TaeTae: i was hoping he'd say more romantic stuff and make hobi happy
TaeTae: but after his soulmate spiel he mostly ranted about how much he loved our asses
Hobi: that ALSO made me happy, in his defense
Hobi: now shhhhhhh the movie is starting
Princess: hey @Hobi
Hobi: ye?
Princess: we love you
Hobi:
Hobi: i love you all too