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When Keith lands the galra craft into the hangar, it’s with a crash. It’s so uncharacteristic for Keith that Shiro’s attention is immediately drawn to the craft.
Now that it has his attention he notices the damage it had taken. One engine appears to be shot right through, looks like almost half the plane is destroyed.
He frowns at the damaged craft. He stills watching as sees a panel go flying, and Keith pull himself out of the damaged exit. It must have happened in the explosion from Lotor’s hit, or maybe it was a parting shot from the galra ship.
Neither of these feel quite right to him though, but he doesn’t have time to focus on it, as Lotor brings his own individual ship in, landing it with far more ease than Keith had done just moments before.
He files it away to consider later, at a time when they’re not fighting for their lives, or dealing with their number one enemy turned possibly ally.
They talk to Lotor. Within a reasonable definition of talking.
Lotor makes his argument for collaboration.
“I saved your lives Paladins,” Lotor tells them. “And yours fighter.” He directs at Keith, eyes focused on him.
“Keith is a paladin too,” Shiro points out.
“Oh, my mistake,” Lotor says easily. He’s still looking pointedly at Keith though, as if that wasn’t all it was about.
Keith has his arms folded, position closed off. But his expression is not one Shiro recognises.
Allura moves the conversation onwards though, and Shiro files it away for later. The file of ‘things Keith related that aren’t quite right’.
They hear him out, before giving him his own quarters, making the room accessible only with two of the paladin’s bayards.
Shiro doesn’t doubt that if he really wanted to, he could still get out, but he seems to be willing to cooperate with them so far, and that includes allowing them the belief that they are keeping him locked away.
They all watch as Allura secures the room.
Shiro watches as Kolivan taps his hand on Keith’s shoulder. He feels a flash of jealousy at the motion, the touch. It’s stupid, he knows, but that’s where he and Keith touch each other. Something they’ve done for as long as he can remember.
Kolivan leans down, placing his mouth close to Keith’s ear, and the view of Kolivan having to lean down so far is amusing enough that it helps to distract him from the jealousy.
He shoves the rest of the lingering jealousy down, buries it as deep as he can.
Kolivan says something to Keith, the words clearly meant for his ears only, and when Keith nods.
The blade leaves then, while Keith remains.
Shiro walks up to Keith. “Not leaving with the Blade?”
“Not tonight,” Keith responds, turning as Shiro reaches him, walking in the direction of his own quarters, Shiro falls into step beside him.
Not tonight.
The words are vague. Maybe Keith will be leaving tomorrow, or the day after. Maybe in a week’s time.
Maybe not again.
That’s unlikely, but he can’t help but hope that it’s longer before Keith leaves again.
They get to Keith’s room before he’s ready to part, had wanted to say something, and when Keith turns to him, it feels like he’s expecting something from him too.
“You did good out there today,” he says, when his brain doesn’t supply him with anything else. “You fight good.”
An expression flicks across Keith’s face, but it’s gone before Shiro can identify it.
“Thanks,” Keith says, before nodding and retreating to his room.
Shiro stares at the closed door for a minute. Something feels off, there’s something tugging at him for his attention, but he can’t work it out yet.
Sighing, he forces himself to turn away from the door. Retreating to his own room, he shoves the feeling aside, like so many of the things from today.
He’ll work it out tomorrow when he’s not so bone tired.
There was a flash, and he feels the shockwave from the ship shake Voltron. He braces the controls, keeping Voltron steady until the shock and aftershock resides.
The Galra fleet has been maimed, something, no, Keith, must have managed to find a way to break through the particle barrier and attack the ship.
“Good work Keith,” he calls out through the comms.
And gets no response.
“Keith?” he calls again.
He scans the displays for the blip that had been Keith’s fighter, but nothing is showing up.
There’s nothing.
“Keith!” he screams.
He wakes up still screaming Keith’s name.
He’s flinging the sheet, leaping out of bed before he’s even had time to think through the actions. Slams his hand against the panel to open the door, and stalks in the direction of Keith’s room, pounding on the door as soon as he gets there.
“Keith! Open up Keith.”
The door slides open, sooner than he’d been expecting. He must have already been awake, there’s no way that Keith could have been opening the door this soon if he had been sleeping when Shiro had first banged on his door.
His eyes are bloodshot and glassy. It’s just one more thing to add to the list Shiro has been compiling today. Or maybe that was yesterday now. He hadn’t looked at the timepiece before coming here.
“Were you trying to kill yourself?”
It’s shock. He recognises the expression this time when it appears on Keith’s face.
“I –“ Keith looks away from Shiro, “You should come in.”
It’s not really the way Shiro wants to be invited into Keith’s room, but he’ll take it. He walks in when Keith steps aside to make space for him. He walks in, standing awkwardly in the middle of the small room. There’s almost nothing in the room. Keith’s jacket is hanging on one side of the room, and he thinks he can see Keith’s knife poking out from the pillow.
Other than that, and the bedding which has been thrown back, the room could be empty, no other sign that the room is even inhabited.
Keith sits on the bed, and Shiro takes the cue, sitting down beside him on the bed.
When Keith finally speaks, it confirms Shiro’s nightmare, Shiro’s fear.
“It was the only option Shiro.”
“No.” He disagrees immediately. “No Keith, it’s not, it wasn’t. It’s never the only option.”
“It was.”
“No Keith. No. What were you even planning on doing?”
“The fighter would have been able to get through the particle barrier, and then I was planning to fly the fighter into their ship.”
The words come out flat, completely void of emotion. It shakes Shiro that he was right, but even more so that Keith had thought this through. Had a plan, and had been committed to the plan.
The plan which would have resulted in his death.
“Keith, you would have died.”
Keith shoots up, stepping away from Shiro, placing distance between them. He’s facing the wall, back to Shiro, but Shiro knows this is a coping mechanism for Keith, that when things get too emotional, too much to handle, he uses physical space as his shield.
When he does speak, it’s only just above a whisper, “I knew that. But if I could have saved Voltron, saved the coalition... saved you. It would have been worth it.”
“Disagree.”
“Agree to disagree then.”
Keith turns back to Shiro then. His eyes are glassy, and Shiro can see the tear tracks now.
Shiro stands up, before taking a slow step towards Keith, then another, careful to choreograph his movements, opening his arms for Keith.
Keith takes the offer, stepping into his arms, wrapping his own tight around Shiro.
It’s like the floodgates open then, he hears a hiccup first, then a sob. He can feel tears dripping onto his bare shoulder, he’d only been wearing sleeping pants, hadn’t thought to put on a shirt, not that he minds.
“It’s alright. You’re alive,” he reassures Keith.
He pulls them backwards, until he guides them onto the bed, pulling Keith down to lay on top him. “It’s okay, you’re allowed to cry, just let it all out.”
He holds Keith tight, rubbing his hand in small circles on his back.
Keith’s sobs reduce, until they stop altogether, and before his breathing evens out, indicating he’s fallen asleep.
He cards his fingers through Keith’s hair, savouring the moment as he thinks about the day he’s had. He didn’t realise how close he’d come to losing Keith today. He knows Keith enough to know that he’d do it again if the situation comes up again.
He’ll do everything in his power to make sure that it doesn’t.