Chapter Text
"Ali." Ashlyn said quietly but Ali didn't stir. "Aliiiii." She said again. A little louder this time.
"Mmmyea?" Ali said groggily as she tucked herself closer. She hadn't moved once during the night.
"I need to use the bathroom." Ashlyn said softly.
"You're the one who said you're okay to walk alone now." Ali pointed out cleverly.
"I am." Ashlyn confirmed.
"Then why do you need me, baby?" Ali said innocently as she cuddled even closer.
"I don't... But I do need you to get up so I can move." Ashlyn smiled as she looked down at the girl laying on her chest.
"Oh..." Ali froze for a second before she got up. Not really noticing she was sleeping on her girlfriend. "Sorry." She said sheepishly and rolled out of the way.
Ashlyn grinned at her. "Its fine." She said as she kissed Ali's cheek before getting up.
Ashlyn got herself to the bathroom and shut the door.
Only then did Ali sprawl out on the bed in a stretch as she smiled and curled back into the pillows. It felt like home again.
...
Ashlyn crawled back into bed a few minutes later and laid on her back. Ali was already asleep and Ashlyn soon fell back asleep as well.
They were awoken by the phone some time later. Ali answered and it was the police department calling on behalf of the auto shop that had Ashlyn's car. Ali put off going to get their things from Ashlyn's car like she put off a lot of things these past few days. She didn't know if Ashlyn could handle it.
Unfortunately, now they had no choice. Ashlyn would need to sign the car over anyway so they could take it away.
"It'll be okay." Ashlyn assured her.
Tomorrow was the latest they could go.
...
"Not going to lie... you look cute with a sling." Ali watched as Ashlyn slipped it back on after her shower- something she insisted she do on her own.
Ashlyn gave her a glare.
"Its true." Ali justified. "Like after your shoulder surgery- SO cute." She smiled wide.
Ashlyn blushed and looked down shyly. "Thanks, I guess." She said quietly.
Ali liked being able to make her blush. It was rare because it was usually the other way around (and Ashlyn was a little cocky sometimes).
The doorbell snapped them both out of their moment of switched roles. Ashlyn raised an eyebrow. Neither of them was expecting anyone.
"I'll get it. You get some clothes on, girl." Ashlyn said as Ali was only wearing jeans and a sports bra.
...
"Hey guys!" Ashlyn exclaimed when their friends were at the door smiling.
"Hey Ash." Kelley hugged her first. "Surprise. We're here to take you guys to breakfast."
...
Ashlyn kept stealing forkfuls of Ali's food when she was telling stories.
Which only meant Ali would steal some of Ashlyn's food to make it even and it went back-and-forth for a while. It was cute- like their old selves.
"Get a room." Pinoe teased at one point when Ashlyn kissed Ali.
Ashlyn scowled at her playfully.
"We should send a picture to the girls." She suggested.
"Here, Ash." Pinoe handed Ashlyn her phone and they all gathered around.
Ashlyn nudged Ali with her elbow but made sure no one else noticed.
She then proceeded to stare at the blank screen with confusion. She turned it over and searched for a way to turn it on. She pressed the volume buttons and tapped the dark screen. They all stopped fooling around and froze.
Ashlyn successfully convinced them she didn't know how to use the phone. They all believed it was part of the memory loss issue.
"Oh... Ash." Ali played along and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Its okay, honey." She reassured.
And right when everyone's faces dropped, Ashlyn took the picture.
"Oh, I got you guys good." It was the funniest picture Ashlyn had ever seen. Ali pretending to console her. Pinoe, Lori, Tobin and Kelley all looking like sad puppies. And herself with a huge smile.
She was laughing so hard and when Ali saw the picture she joined in.
"Well that was a mean joke." Kelley smacked Ali's arm and eventually they all joined in the laughter.
...
They walked around town afterward and checked out a bunch of shops. Ashlyn pulled Lori to the side when she got the chance.
"Thanks for taking care of her, Lor." She wrapped an arm around Lori's shoulders and hugged her tight. "She told me you stayed with her. You're a great friend- I love you." She hugged tighter.
"I love you too. Don't mention it. You would do the same for me." She rested her head on Ash's shoulder.
"I would." Ashlyn responded. "But let's hope I never have to."
...
Ali took her own car so they could stop to get Ashlyn's things on the way home. They planned to meet at Lori's apartment right after but Lori suggested they call when they were done instead. She was the only one who knew just how bad it was.
...
The guy at the front desk to the shop told them to go around to the back- the gate was open.
Ashlyn could tell how nervous Ali was about this. She laced their fingers together and brought her closer as they walked.
"Everything is going to be fine. I'm here. I'm okay. Its only a car."
"I know." Ali said and relaxed a little.
...
They walked past the gate and looked around, trying to find the Jeep but neither of them saw it. They looked at each other puzzled and broke apart to search opposite sides.
Ali found nothing.
"Not over here, Ash." She said as she examined the line of totalled cars. "Ash...?" She said when she heard no response and looked over her shoulder. She slowly turned around when she saw Ashlyn blankly staring in the opposite direction.
She walked over cautiously and froze when she saw what Ashlyn was looking at.
"Whoa." She exhaled as she saw the car. Totaled is an understatement.
Ashlyn said nothing.
Ali moved closer and gently rested her hand on the small of Ashlyn's back.
Ashlyn didn't move. Her eyes remained in a full-on dead-lock, like she was processing, and Ali silently waited it out.
...
"It doesn't even look like a Jeep." Ashlyn said quietly after a period of silence.
"No. It doesn't." Ali agreed. Not sure what to say at this moment.
Ashlyn took a hesitant step forward and then slowly walked toward the car, Ali trailing cautiously behind her.
The driver-side door was completely missing, as was most of the front fender and the actual front of the car. The entire car was torn apart. The roof was bent back where they had to cut to get Ashlyn out.
There was glass all over the interior. Every single window shattered. Even the rear windshield. The driver seat and steering wheel were pushed to the center of the car.
Neither of them could process how someone sitting in that driver's seat survived. But neither of them said anything about it.
Ashlyn just wanted to get her stuff and leave. She quickly approached the passenger side of the car as Ali was still processing and tried to open the door. It wouldn't budge.
Ali just continued to stare at the car.
Ashlyn tried the door again... and again and eventually gave up with a frustrated sigh. It snapped Ali out of her gaze.
She walked over to Ashlyn and tried the door herself. Nothing.
"I think we need to go in the driver's side." She admitted, knowing neither of them wanted to do so. "But first, the trunk." She walked around back and was able to open that after a couple tries.
The interior was mostly smashed which made a tedious task of getting Ashlyn's things out. Ashlyn was okay with it all. They were only "things". She was alive and that was all that mattered. But that didn't mean she wasn't sad when she pulled out her longboard and it was completely cracked.
Ali looked on and watched as her facial expression changed. "I'll get you a new one." She said softly. She was barely keeping it together.
"I loved this one." Ashlyn reasoned and put it to the side. That stung Ali even more.
"I know." Ali pulled closer and kissed her shoulder. "I'm sorry." She apologized again.
Ashlyn knew now why she was apologizing so much but she didn't say a word.
...
They moved to the front to get things out of the glove compartment, which was now on the floor, and the interior.
"Maybe I should do this part." Ashlyn put herself between the car and Ali. She could see she was having a hard time.
"I'm okay, Ash. I want to help." She assured.
"Alright." Ashlyn allowed it and moved toward the car.
She knew now why all of this happened.
...
Ashlyn could hardly lean into the car without hurting herself but kept trying it anyway. Until Ali stepped in. She didn't want her girlfriend getting hurt anymore than she already had.
"Ashlyn." She walked up to her and wrapped an arm around her waist. "I know you don't want to- but I think you're going to have to let me do this part." She said softly and pulled a nearly helpless Ashlyn back from the car.
"Maybe we can have someone else help us..." Ashlyn suggested softly. Not wanting Ali anywhere near that driver seat.
"It's fine." Ali said but she wasn't sure of that. She turned to walk toward the car.
Ashlyn tried to stop her.
"We should ask someone. There's a lot of-" She saw Ali's step stutter as she took a gasping breath. Too late. "...blood." Ashlyn finished.
Ali could feel her lip quivering, tears swelling in her eyes and a lump in her throat.
"Al...?" Ashlyn asked after a moment.
"I'm okay." She lied and her voice shook as she moved to the car to do this as quickly as possible.
But the tears began to fall and her breathing became strangled and she lost it when she pulled Ashlyn's broken sunglasses from the wreckage.
Now it was Ashlyn's turn to pull her from the car. She let Ali fall into her chest, sobbing.
"I'm so sorry!" She cried.
"It's okay! Stop blaming yourself." Ashlyn held her tight. Ali's warm tears falling on her shoulder.
"I can't help it. This is all my fault!" She cried even harder.
...
They got someone to help. There really was a ton of blood and it was everywhere.
Ali couldn't even look without feeling sick. She wasn't sick over the fact it was blood but sick over the fact the blood was Ashlyn's. She thought back to the doctor telling her they were able to stop the bleeding in time to save her life.
Most of Ash's stuff was ruined. Broken. Smashed. Captured in the twisted metal. She only came away with a few things in the end.
"Here are your keys." The guy handed them to Ashlyn and the second they hit her palm she remembered the last time she held them.
Everything played in slow-motion...
The whole fight.
Ali telling her to "Have fun in DC" while she would be at the World Cup.
Ashlyn storming out- hoping Ali would stop her. Hoping she would say she didn't mean it.
"Fuckkkkk!" She heard Ali cry out from the other side of the apartment door as something crashed against the wall.
Ashlyn hurrying to her car to escape the tears threatening to fall.
Ashlyn thinking it was over. If Ali meant what she said- there was no coming back from that.
Ashlyn at a total loss for words or thoughts or direction.
Ashlyn driving for an hour- trying to figure out where to go, what to do.
But every thought went back to Ali.
She was so lost in numbness- when the light turned green she didn't even process it. Not until the car behind her honked lightly, urging her to go.
And halfway into the intersection she was smashed from the side. There was no screeching of brakes- the man didn't even notice he ran a red light.
She remembers realizing the Jeep was off the ground- like the whole accident was floating in time. But that ended real fast when the Jeep crashed down on its side.
Everything abruptly went black.
She remembers voices. First responders. EMTs. But she was unconscious.
"Scott, I need your help over here!" A woman yelled. "Stay with us, sweetie." She whispered to Ashlyn as she put pressure on her wounds.
"That's a lot of blood." A man's voice joined. "This girl's not going to make it." He said as he worked on her anyway.
"I know..." The woman agreed, sympathetically. "But we have to try." Hopelessness thick in her voice.
...
"Ash?" Ali's voice was cloudy in her head. Like it was part of the flashback. "Ashlyn?" Ali put a hand on her shoulder and snapped her out of it.
Ashlyn blinked a couple of times and shook her head before turning to Ali. "Yea?"
Ali and the auto shop guy were both staring at her. Concerned.
"Sorry." Ashlyn looked down. Not wanting to face Ali right now.
Ali thanked the guy and freed him of the tense situation.
"Ash, what's wrong?" Ali was worried.
"Nothing. I just- nothing. Tired." She shut Ali out. It seemed easier than telling her the truth.
"I can't imagine how stressed you are. Let's go home, okay? I'll tell the girls we need some time." Ali put a hand on Ashlyn's back to help her to the car.
"No, I want to see them!" Ashlyn protested. I don't want to be alone with you.
"Okay..." Ali was cautious. She could sense Ashlyn's anger flaring but didn't know why. "Let's go to Lori's then." She started to walk with an arm around her back.
"I can walk on my own!" Ashlyn pushed Ali's arm away as she walked toward the car.
Ali just stood there. Unsure of what just happened. She didn't know what to say. She just sucked it up and followed her to the car.
...
The drive to Lori's was silent. Ashlyn looked out the window the whole time.
Ali put the car in park and turned to talk to Ashlyn but Ashlyn was already out the door. She closed it heavily behind her and didn't wait for Ali.
Ali felt herself getting upset but pushed it away. She took a deep breath and got out to follow her to the house. Whatever it was would pass.
...
Ali still couldn't bear to be more than ten feet from Ashlyn. She sat right next to her and anytime she switched from the kitchen to the living room, Ali would soon follow. She couldn't leave her side.
But Ashlyn paid her no attention. She kept her back to Ali most of the time. The hurt was too strong to face right now. She knew now that Ali didn't mean those things but she still couldn't help but feel hurt by them.
...
They stayed there most of the day. Just hung out and talked and watched some TV. Kelley drew cat ears on the bandage around Ashlyn's forehead. Tomorrow she should be able to take it off for good.
When it was time to go home- the girls walked Ashlyn to the car. They were leaving the next morning and wanted to say their goodbyes.
Lori stayed back and asked Ali how the Jeep situation went.
"Not good." Ali looked down. "It was so bad, Lor." She started to get upset again.
"I know, kid. But she's here." She pointed out.
"Yea, and now she won't talk to me." Ali blurted out as she fought the tears.
"This whole thing is a lot to handle. She'll ease up. She always does." Lori assured and she was right. "You might need to coax her... but she'll come around." Lori smiled.
"Yea, you're right." Ali sighed and hugged her. "Thanks, Lor... for everything."
...
Ashlyn went straight for the bedroom when they got home and Ali let her.
She ate a snack and then decided it was enough time. She knocked lightly and pushed the door open.
Ashlyn was curled on the bed, leaning on her good side, facing away from Ali. The only light in the room was coming from the hallway.
"Ash." Ali was met with silence. "Ash..."
"Leave me alone." Ashlyn mumbled into her pillow.
That was like a slap in the face for Ali. She turned the lights on their lowest setting and walked in. She wasn't going to give in or be treated like this. Not after all she went through.
"You can't sleep on your side."
"Like you care." Ashlyn mumbled some more. Feeling sorry for herself.
"Lay on your back, now!" Ali had it.
That surprised Ashlyn (and Ali too) and she rolled on her back to lay correctly.
Ali wasn't sure what to follow that up with so she didn't say anything. She just moved closer.
Ashlyn filled the silence. "I did what you said. Why can't you do what I said?" She was on the verge of tears. "Leave me alone."
She put the back of her hand over her forehead to try and calm herself. To hide her emotions.
"Ashlyn, you have to tell me what's wrong." Ali pleaded. "Everything seemed okay and then since the auto shop you've been pushing me away. I need to know what's wrong."
"Nothing!" Ashlyn cried out, try as she might to stop it.
"Then why are you crying right now?!" Ali begged for an answer, tears in her own eyes, her voice cracking.
"You were breaking up with me." Ashlyn sobbed.
Ali froze in place. She was taken aback. "...W- what?" She said softly, hoping she didn't just hear what she thought she heard.
Ashlyn didn't even repeat herself. She couldn't. They both knew what she said.
In a twisted way- Ali was relieved she said it- that meant she remembered more. But what a horrible piece to remember.
She moved to the bed and sat next to Ashlyn. She grabbed her hand and held it in her own.
"I didn't mean anything I said that day." Ali started but Ashlyn kept her hand over her face. "Ashlyn... Ashlyn, baby. Look at me." She willed Ashlyn to look her in the eye but Ashlyn remained stubborn. "I was mad. And I said some really hurtful things. And I didn't mean any of them."
Ashlyn sniffled and shook a little and it broke Ali's heart. Ali gently pulled her hand from her face and joined it with the other.
"I love you. I cannot live without you. I literally- physically and emotionally need you in my life. You're... you're my entire heart!" Her lip was quivering now as she tried to get the words out. "I fucked up and I said some really shitty things and I'm so so sorry. I will regret them for the rest of my life. But I did not m-" She struggled as her voice shook. "I did not mean any of them. I want to be with you... forever."
Tears rolled down her cheeks and Ashlyn still couldn't look at her. But she felt the sincerity of Ali's words and knew her eyes never left her. She gave Ali's hand a light squeeze. That was all she was prepared to do right now.
And that was all Ali needed. She laid down next to Ashlyn, still holding her hand but gave her enough space.
After a few minutes, she moved closer. Ashlyn calmed down a bit so Ali thought it would be okay.
And a few minutes later, even closer. Until finally she was huddled right up to her.
Ali planted kisses on her shoulder and watched as Ashlyn tried to hold back a smile. She was doing a pretty good job but Ali could tell it was getting harder for her to refrain.
Finally a smiled cracked through.
It pushed Ali to kiss the crook of her neck, working her way up. "Did I just see that cute dimple of yours?" She teased. She kissed her neck and behind her ear and along her jaw.
Ashlyn kept fighting bouts of smiles and it was getting harder and harder to do.
Ali worked her way to the corner of her mouth. Kissing it softly. Once. Twice. And before the third time... "Feel free to join in." She teased Ashlyn.
Even Ali knew Ashlyn couldn't resist her cuteness.
Ashlyn turned to face her with a mostly serious face. Their eyes met silently.
"I love you." Ali reiterated, very seriously.
Ashlyn brushed the hair out of Ali's face. "I love you too, Alex." She said as she leaned in and kissed her.
When she pulled back, Ali had tears in her eyes.
"What? What's wrong?" Ashlyn leaned up on her good elbow, concerned.
Ali shook her head back-and-forth slightly. "Nothing. Just... you called me 'Alex'..." She tried to contain herself.
Ashlyn looked at her confused. "I always call you 'Alex', Alex." She replied. Only to be crushed in a hug from her girlfriend.
She winced to herself but she knew Ali needed this hug. She held out until Ali realized she might be hurting her and eased up.
Ali sat back and wiped the tears from her cheeks and then Ashlyn's.
"Are we okay?" She asked to make sure.
"We're good." Ashlyn leaned up and kissed her until Ali broke the kiss with a smile. "Mmm?" Ashlyn hummed. Her eyes still closed from the kiss.
"You're back." Ali whispered and rubbed their noses together a couple times before squealing and taking Ashlyn back down to the bed in a hug.
My Ashlyn is back.