Chapter Text
"I don't even understand why you guys are so mad." Lance complained, crossing his arms in front of his chest and hunching his shoulders. "It's not even that big of a deal."
He hunkered down defensibly in his seat, drawing his legs up and curling up in the corner seat.
Hunk, who was standing a few feet away in front of the couches scowled down at him.
"That’s exactly the problem Lance, you don't even get it." He said.
Lance scoffed and rolled his eyes, uncrossing his arms to instead wrap them around his knees. Hunk's frown deepened and he placed his hands on his hips, glaring down at his best friend.
"The fact that you don't get it- the fact that you don't even seem to care is what pisses us off the most." He said.
Lance groaned theatrically and thumped his forehead down onto his knees. He instantly regretted it and yelped in pain. He pulled back upright and put one hand to his head to see if the bleeding had started again.
"Lance!" Hunk cried and he rushed forward. He gently pulled Lance's hand away and inspected the wound himself. The skin was red and angry looking against the garish black thread and the impact had indeed caused it to start bleeding anew. Hunk pulled back with a weary sigh and dug around in his pockets a moment before coming up with a cloth. He gently applied it to the wound and stepped back.
"Keep pressure on it." He said, and let Lance take over. "Thankfully it doesn't look like you ripped any stiches."
Lance tried to meet his eyes, but Hunk was looking at the floor, his hands flexing into fists. He curled further into himself, dropping his own eyes. He hated when Hunk was mad at him. He cleared his throat uncomfortably.
"Heh, what are the odds that the healing pods would break down now?" He said, trying to crack a joke. He watched Hunk for a reaction, but he didn't so much as a twitch.
"My fantastic luck is still going strong." He tried again.
Hunk's eyes flicked to him, brow furrowed, and then away again to the floor. He turned, his back now to Lance, and moved away a few paces. Lance watched him uncomfortably. He rubbed his hands together nervously, scratching his nails over his skin.
"Look." He said. "I'm sorry." Hunk tilted his head back towards him and Lance knew he was listening.
"I know I fucked up the mission-" Hunk whirled around on him, his face thunderous.
"You think I'm mad about that?!" Hunk snapped, staking up to Lance's position on the couch. He loomed over him, looking down at Lance in a mix of disbelief and fury.
"You seriously think I'm mad about the mission? I don't give a fuck about the mission!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.
"Then why-"
"You are so stupid, Lance! How can you- aargh!" He screamed in frustration. "I just- fucking-" he groaned again and scrubbed his hands over his face before letting them fall lax to his sides. Lance watched him warily. He didn't really think Hunk would hit him or anything like that, but he had never seen his friend this upset at him. His stomach rolled in both guilt and anxiety.
"Hunk, I... I'm sorry." He said plaintively. Hunk dropped his head and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
"You know what? I can't do this right now." He said, his voice quiet. He raised his head and looked Lance in the eyes, his face blank.
"W-what do you mean?" Lance asked.
"I can't talk to you right now, I'm too pissed off. So... I'm done. I'm out." He said, and with that he turned and walked to the door.
"Wait, Hunk! Buddy, I'm sorry!" Lance cried, struggling to get his feet under him to chase after the other boy. His legs tangled together and he fell off the edge of the couch to the ground. He just barely managed to throw an arm out to stop his face from meeting the floor.
"I'm sorry." He said again.
Hunk turned to look at him a moment then shook his head.
"You don't even know what you’re apologizing for." He said.
"Hunk..." Lance's stomach felt sick. He sounded so tired. Why was he so tired? Was he tired of him?
"Just... Come find me if you fucking figure it out."
And then he was gone.
Lance stared at the open doorway in dismay. He pulled his legs under himself until he was in a seated position.
He didn't understand, honestly, he didn't. He had figured Hunk was upset about his botched part of the mission, but if that wasn't the reason; what the hell was? Lance's head throbbed with his pulse, the gash on his hairline stabbing with pain. He placed his hand on the floor, letting the cold seep into his skin for a few moments before raising it and placing it on his forehead, careful to avoid the wound. His cold fingers felt nice against his head and he sighed miserably.
His head hurt so much it was almost painful to think. He wished vainly that the healing pods were online, maybe if he could think clearly, he would know how to fix the mess he'd made. He knew he needed to get up and do something instead of sulk on the floor, but if he was being honest with himself; he felt just a bit too sick and dizzy to think he could manage standing right now. He sighed again and tipped his head back, resting it on the couch behind him.
They'd had an impromptu fire fight today with some stray Galra forces that had come across them. At the time, Lance thought it was a good idea to slam Blue into Green to get Pidge out of the way of a blast, but looking back on it, it might not have been the best idea he'd ever had.
He tipped his head back onto his knees.
He didn't regret protecting Pidge, not one bit, but he and Blue had gotten thrown around- tumbling ass over teakettle before they were finally able to right themselves. He'd gotten thrown around the cockpit like clothes in a dryer and he had gotten a couple of good knocks during it. He'd smashed his head on the dash so hard he MIGHT have passed out, but only for like a second! It didn't count.
When he'd come to, he and Blue had gotten themselves together and jumped back in the thick of it and they had won in the end no thanks to him as always.
He sighed again, rubbing his cheek into his jean covered knees. He felt like such a failure, all the time. He groaned, giving his misery a voice and closed his eyes.
His ribs felt like they taken a hit as well; and despite knowing he should go find Hunk, the last thing he wanted to do right now was get up. He tipped to the side, slumping slowly to the chilly floor and lay prone on his side. He wiggled, pressing his forehead gently to the cold ground and allowing himself a moment to wallow in his misery.
"Why am I such a fuck up? Why can't I ever do anything right?" He asked the floor, gazing at the marbled texture an inch away that was fuzzy and out of focus at this range. He sighed again and pulled his arms close to his chest, the cold floor was starting to leach the warmth from his arms.
"Why am I even here?" He wondered aloud. He rubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes, whining thinly. He ignored the wetness he could feel and rubbed harder and harder until he saw yellow behind his closed eyelids. He lay there, still and silent.
Then, abruptly, he got his arms under him and shoved himself up, getting to his knees and them to his feet before he could think twice. The vertigo hit him hard, but he ignored it, walking until the muzzy feeling faded and the ringing receded.
"Okay, stupid." He chided himself. "Enough feeling sorry for yourself. Time to fucking do something about it."
He made it to the door, and clutched it for a second for support then continued down the hall. Hunk had long since left, but his next best option was to find one of the others and hope they could enlighten him on what he fucked up this time.
He poked his head into rooms as he passed, finding both the labs and the kitchen empty. He slowly found his way to the training room, his head pounding with every pulse of his heart. He peered into the huge room and saw that finally his search bore fruit. Inside, locked in battle with several drones, was Keith.
He entered the room as silently as he could, not wanting to distract Keith in the middle of a fight, and stood leaning against the wall near the door. He admired Keith as he moved, tumbling out of the way of one drone, and springing up in front of the other, his sword plunging up into the drone’s midsection. He tore his bayard free and whirled on the other before the felled drone could even fall to the floor and begin to dematerialize.
It was truly amazing to watch Keith work; he was in his element and it was beautiful. Lance found himself smiling as Keith turned and he saw the thick mullet had been pulled back into a small ponytail. It was adorable.
He didn't have to wait long, only another two or so minutes before Keith had dispatched the second drone. Lance pushed away from the wall and called out to Keith before he could initiate the next level.
"Hey, Keith! Can I talk to you for a second?"
Keith turned to face him and blinked in surprise.
"How long have you been there?" He asked.
"A little while. You need to work on your situational awareness." He teased.
Keith rolled his eyes and banished his bayard with a huff. He pulled the hem of his shirt up and wiped his face of sweat.
"So, what’s up?" He asked, stepping closer. Lance could tell by his face when he spotted the stitches on his forehead.
"Damn. It looks even worse now than it did when it was bleeding everywhere." He said. "No luck on the healing pods yet, huh? Does it hurt a lot?"
"No, Coran can't get them up and running yet. It’s not too bad, the stitches make it seem worse than it actually is." He said, shrugging and choosing not to comment on the persistent throbbing. "He's pretty sure my brain didn't get too scrambled or anything so this will have to do for now."
Lance stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets self-consciously, and looked away from Keith's eyes to the floor.
"Can I... ask you something?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Do you know why Hunk is mad at me?" He practically blurted out. Keith's mouth opened but Lance barreled on with his explanation.
"He’s super pissed at me, way more that he has been in forever and I have no fucking clue why. I thought it was because I screwed up the mission, again, but he said that wasn't it."
Keith remained still for a moment, staring at Lance before speaking.
"Are you serious? Do you really not get it?" He asked.
"What’s there to get!? What else did I fuck up- recently I mean? It's not his birthday or anything, I'm positive that’s not for a few more months."
Keith shook his head.
"I'm not sure I can help you with this Lance. It seems like this might be between you and Hunk."
"No, please help me!" Lance cried, clasping his hands in front of his face. "I have no idea why he's mad and at this rate, I'm never gonna figure it out! He's gonna hate me until we're old and gray!"
Keith snorted.
"I highly doubt that." He said. He looked at Lance's impressive puppy eyes and held out for all of ten seconds before giving in.
"Okay. I won't tell you outright, but I'll help you figure it out." He conceded.
"Yessss~ Thank you so much!" Lance said, cheering.
"Okay. What happened today?" Keith asked.
"We got into a fight with the Galra?"
"Well yeah, and?"
"And I fucked up the mission, as usual." Lance answered. Keith scowled, clearly displeased.
"Shut the fuck up, no you didn't."
"But I di-"
"Moving on! What really happened?" Keith prodded.
"I... rammed Blue into Pidge?" He suggested. "Is he mad I hit Pidge? I didn't think she got hurt- did she get hurt?!" He asked, visibly panicking at the thought.
Keith raised his hands in supplication.
"Stop freaking out, Pidge is fine. And no, he isn't mad about that."
Lance breathed a sigh of relief, pressing a hand to his chest to try and still his racing heart.
"Now. What happened?" Keith repeated.
"I... I don't know, that's all that happened." Lance said.
Keith raised a hand to his face and rubbed his eyes. He took a second to think before looking at Lance again.
"Hey, Lance," He said, his tone light. "What happened to your head?"
Lance looked at him, completely bewildered. Keith made a 'go on' gesture, twirling his hand."
"I.... hit it?" He said, his voice questioning. Keith nodded in encouragement.
"Meaning...?" He said leadingly.
"Meaning...?" Lance parroted.
"Meaning you got...?"
"I- oh, hurt?"
"Yes!" Keith cried in victory, throwing his arms up. Lance watched in confusion.
"Wait, he's mad I got hurt?" He asked. "That doesn't make any sense."
"It really does though." Keith retorted.
"But we get hurt all the time?"
"No one gets hurt as much as you, Lance. Why do you think that is?" He asked.
"Because I suck? Because I'm the worst paladin out of all of us?" He said in exasperation.
Keith stepped forward quickly, a scowl on his face, and punched Lance in the shoulder. HARD.
"Ow! What the fuck, man?" Lance cried, dancing back a step and rubbing his arm.
"You shut up." Keith hissed, pointing a finger so far in Lance's face he went cross eyed looking at it. "I won't let anyone talk that way about you, least of all you. You're the only one of us that believes that load of horseshit." He said.
"You keep getting hurt because you think you don't matter so you throw yourself in the line of fire every time."
Lance rubbed his stinging shoulder.
"Well- I mean... You try to protect everyone too, don't you?" He asked.
"Yeah, but I'm not quasi-suicidal about it like you. You don't care a lick about yourself or your mental or physical health and it kills us, Lance. We love you so much, and seeing you hate yourself is killing us." Keith confessed.
He stepped closer and pulled Lance into a hug.
"Please, Lance. Just... promise me you'll stop being so eager to throw your life away. We don't know what we would do without you." He begged.
Lance swallowed around the lump in his throat and raised his arms to encircle Keith, returning the hug and ignoring the fact he was still damp with sweat.
"Okay. Y-you got it, Keith."
____________________________________
When Lance finally managed to track Hunk down, he was mildly surprised to find him in the play room. He was sitting on the bed with his back to the door and didn't react when he heard Lance enter. Lance awkwardly shuffled closer, his hands tangled together with nerves. He cleared his throat.
"H-hey bud." He called, moving closer. "How ya doing?"
"Did you figure it out?" Hunk asked, still not moving to face him.
"Oh. Cutting to the chase huh? Cool, cool." He said, rubbing his arm. "Yeah, I figured it out. Well, Keith helped me figure it out."
"And?" Hunk asked.
Lance sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He squared his shoulders and marched around to the other side of the bed, making it harder for Hunk to ignore him.
"I'm sorry I fucked up."
Hunk raised his eyes with a frown.
"How did you fuck up, Lance?" He asked.
"I got hurt."
The tension around hunk's eyes relaxed a small bit.
"...And?" Hunk persisted, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I get hurt a lot. And you don't like it." Lance said. His fingers tugged at the hem of his shirt nervously.
"Look, I know that you don't like seeing me hurt. And apparently the others feel the same way; but I can't promise that it’s not going to happen again. I just can't."
Hunk's frown deepened.
"I know you can't promise that, none of us can." He said, standing from the bed. He reached out and pulled Lance's hands from his shirt, holding them with his own.
"What I want is for you to promise to be more careful. I want you to look before you leap." He squeezed Lance's cold fingers with his much warmer ones.
Lances eyes went from their joined hands to Hunk's face. He grimaced.
"I'm sorry. I don't know if I can do that."
Hunk tried to pull his hands away but Lance kept hold, his grip tight.
"Why the fuck not?" He snarled, his lip curling away from his teeth in anger.
"I can't just stop thinking the way I have for almost my entire life!" Lance argued, his own face angry.
"I know the way I think is shitty, and I know that you guys hate it. But I swear I am not trying to be a dramatic baby when I say that you guys are more important than me!"
"We are not! No one is more important that anyone else! That’s not how it works, Lance!" Hunk snapped.
"Yes, it is! You're the engineer. You and Coran keep this whole castle running and work you with our allies. Pidge is working to plan our defenses and you work with her to make new weapons and upgrades to the lions. Keith is the best pilot we have and he is working like a maniac to train with every spare second we have. Shiro and Allura are our commanders and they are working constantly to try and figure out what the Galra are planning next and how to get us to become a better team." Lance is almost panting at the end of his explanation and he took a moment to collect himself.
"And then you have me." He said.
"And what do you do, Lance?" Hunk asked, his anger slowly fading down. Lance looked into his eyes for a moment and then away.
"I... honestly don't know." He said and half shrugged. "I pilot Blue, but that's not special. I'm the sniper of the group but I'm more or less useless in a close-range fight. I joke and play around. I try to get everyone to relax, but that’s about it."
Lance gave Hunk a sad smile. "If I can save one of you guys by sacrificing myself... I'm gonna do it. The team can function without me, it can't without any of you."
Hunk's eyes searched his face. After a moment his shoulders slumped and he blew out a sigh.
"I just... don't understand how you can be so wrong." He said.
"I know you believe that you add nothing to this team- but goddamn it, Lance! We would be so lost without you."
Lance looked away.
"No, you look at me." Hunk said. He pulled his hands away from Lance's grasp and clasped them to the side of Lance's face. He forced Lance to meet his eyes.
"You are important. You’re are important to this team, you are important to the universe, and you are important to me."
Lance could feel his cheeks getting hot.
"But-"
"You. Are. Important." Hunk said, punctuating his words with a gentle shake of Lance's head.
"I love you. Keith loves you. Pidge loves you. Coran loves you. Shiro loves you. Allura loves you." Hunk kept eye contact as he spoke and he could see tears beginning to well up in Lance's eyes.
"We would not be okay if we lost you. We would not be better off with a different Blue paladin. Besides, Blue loves you too much, she wouldn't accept anyone else." He said, smiling wryly.
Lance bit his bottom lip in an attempt to stave off his tears. Hunk tisked and used his thumb to pull it from his teeth.
"Stop hurting yourself. Please." His thumb stroked Lance's cheek and leaned in close. He touched his lips to Lance's wound.
"We love you so much baby. I love you so much it hurts. It kills me when you get hurt, I can't stand it." Their lips met tenderly, trying to convey the depth of his feelings through the kiss.
"So please, please, stop putting yourself in danger like this." He murmured against Lance's lips. Lance chuckled wetly and wrapped his arms around Hunk, pulling him close.
"I'll work on it. Promise." He kissed Hunk's cheek.
"But you can't really change the way I think."
Hunk laughed and pulled back from the hug, a devilish smile on his lips.
"You just fucking watch me."