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Dean spread the blanket across the grassy field about a quarter mile from the Men of Letters’ bunker. The early fall sun was bright in the sky and a cool breeze kept it from being too hot. It was a beautiful day.
“A picnic? Really Dean?” Sam asked as he tried to get comfortable on the blanket.
Dean nodded across the field where Castiel was lounging in the grass, his knees pulled up and his arms slung casually around them. The angel was staring intently at something a few paces ahead. “Look how content he is, watching the bees.” Dean looked (and smelled) equally content watching the alpha.
Sam rolled his eyes and leveled a bitch face at his brother (which the omega was oblivious to, still staring at Cas). “Why don’t you two just mate already?” Exasperated, Sam walked back towards the bunker. He’d had just about enough of the longing looks. It was more than any self-respecting single alpha could take.
***
Sam was about halfway to the bunker when it hit him. That scent. Jess. It was like he was surrounded by it, by her. Rose, gardenia, and amber were all around him. Yet there was nothing in the area that should have that smell. As if it were a physical blow, the sensation caused the 6’4 giant of an alpha to drop to his knees, hitting the ground with a jarring thud.
He curled into the fetal position on the cool grass as the memories washed over him. It was his first year at Stanford, an average college party at his friend Brady’s, when his senses were first assaulted with the one of the most beautiful scents he’d ever smelled. Then he saw who it belonged to. Tall, blonde, and gorgeous Jessica Moore.
By their third date, Sam knew he was in love. They were sitting near the ocean eating ice cream sundaes in the warm California breeze. Stars filled the clear night sky, and Sam just knew. She was the one, the omega he’d dreamed about. They were going to finish college, mate, and have a blissfully boring apple pie life.
Then Sam Winchester’s real life came crashing down on him, and Jessica was the greatest casualty. Brady may have been the demonic ass who introduced him to Jessica and then snuffed out her life, but, deep down, Sam knew he was the one truly at fault. If he hadn’t been a Winchester, and she hadn’t been caught in his web, she would have gone on to live a full, happy life. Sam may have buried his memories and his guilt deep, deep down, but it never went away. She never went away.
Sam was weeping into the grass as another layer of guilt wove its way amongst the rest. He had fallen in love again, with another amazing woman who was the exact opposite of Jessica in every way. Another sweet omega that made his life worth living. How could he do that, to either of them? It seemed a crime to belittle his feelings for Jessica by falling for someone else. It was at least as much of a crime to bring someone else into his heart and risk her life. Alone, that was how life should be for Sam Winchester.
Rose, gardenia, and amber gave way for another scent as Sam let himself wallow further and further into his loss. Lilac, gunpowder, and heather enveloped him in comfort. Sam refused to let himself be comforted. There was no reason for that scent to be here anymore than the previous scent.
Suddenly, he felt hands on his shoulders, trying to push him off of the ground. “Sam? Sam, look at me.”
It was her voice. She was really here. Eileen. Sam looked up at her. “Why are you here?” There was no accusation in his question, just genuine confusion.
“Your brother invited me for a picnic,” she said with a hint of humor. “But why are you here sobbing into the grass?”
Sam pulled the tiny brunette hunter into his lap and cried into her shoulder. Using a combination of words and sign language, Sam told Eileen everything. He didn’t have to hide anything from her, even how Jessica died, and his own fault in it. He didn’t hold anything back, including how he didn’t think he deserved to have Eileen in his life even now, more than a decade later.
Eileen stroked his shaggy brown hair, shushing him. “She loved you very much, as much as you still love her,” she finally said.
Sam nodded, suddenly out of words.
“You know, Jessica would want you to be happy, not miserable. You deserve to be happy. You do know that just because you’ve found someone new to open your heart to doesn’t mean you love her any less or make your feelings for either of us irrelevant.”
Sam looked at her with watery hazel eyes. Could what she said be true? Eileen Leahy was one of the smartest people Sam had ever met, so if she believed what she was saying was true, maybe Sam could try to believe it to? Maybe he did deserve to be happy, with her. Sam once again nodded at her, not trusting his voice, even though she wouldn’t hear it if it did waver.
They got up off the ground and made their way back to the picnic area. Sam decided he could let himself have this, that it would be OK. Now, if only Dean would open himself up to Cas, then the Winchesters could finally be something they hadn’t been in a very long time: a happy family.