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It was the guys' first record day for the music video of "I'm Not Okay". All of them were pretty excited about this new music video; it was really bigger than what they had done before. Gerard Way, lead singer of the band, was also pretty excited for the filming, but there was also another reason behind all of his excitement. He knew that he would get to spend a lot of time with Frank, the rhythm guitarist of the band, and also the one person who Gerard had a crush on. But, of course, being the shy nerd that he was, Gerard never dared to tell him. He would always get nervous whenever he was around Frank, but Gerard also enjoyed his presence; he wished he could spend every day with this man, simply being with him and making him happy. Seeing his smile. 'Oh, his god damn smile. Why is he so adorable?' Gerard thought, his heart melting as images and scenes of Frank smiling and being happy flashed back in Gerard's memory. He knew Frank was okay with gay/bi people, since he clearly had said that he 'hated every fucking homophobic people'. But Gerard didn't know if Frank himself was gay or bi, or even straight. The only thing he knew was that Frank was a small man made entirely of love; he always was hugging Gerard, jumping on Bob's back, playing with Ray's fro, awkwardly hugging Mikey -who would just push him away everytime-.
Throughout the whole filming, Gerard realized that Frank was staring at him a lot more than he usually did. Once the recording was over, Gerard went outside to take in some fresh air. He quickly found an isolated place behind the main school building, where he could sit down and enjoy a cigarette. He was really nervous around large groups of people, and this scenery really reminded him of his High School years. 'Why did we even choose the High School theme? Who's idea was it again?' Gerard was lost in his thoughts when he heard someone clearing their throat next to him. His entire body immediately froze, unsure of who it was and how long they had been there.
As Gerard turned around to face who was waiting on him, he saw none other than Frank Iero himself. Gerard was truly flabbergasted, and seeing how shocked his bandmate was, Frank chuckled a bit and decided to make the first move.
"Hey. Uhm, I'm sorry if I scared you or anything." he said, smiling, showing of his all-perfectly white teeth, making Gerard blush and smile back like an idiot.
"Oh, hi Frankie! And don't worry, it's fine. I was just thinking about a few things for the video. And maybe, I don't know, I've had this thematic lately that's been running through my mind, I did a sketch and-" Gerard stopped himself from talking, noticing that he was babbling way too much for nothing and that Frank was probably bored by now. He mentally cursed himself as he looked away, so embarrassed that he let himself ramble like he did.
Frank simply sat down in front of Gerard, letting his chin rest on his hand as he tried to show Gerard that he was interested in what the other man said. Realizing that Gerard kept looking away, Frank extended his other hand and reached out for Gerard's cheek, gently stroking it.
"And? Keep going, I'm curious about what's been running inside of this beautiful head of yours." Frank finally said, a smile covering his lips. Gerard looked shocked at first, mostly surprised that someone was taking interest in him and what he thought and did. Then, he smiled and nodded like an idiot, so happy that someone would listen to him and hear him out, before speaking up.
"Well, you see, it'd be more like a Classic Rock album? I don't know, I've had so many thoughts for so many songs, and I have this brilliant idea; There is this character I drew; The Patient, and the story of the album would resolve around him and his disease. Yeah, dark, I know, but it just... It has this beauty and magic to it, y'know? Also, there's this character I already pictured too, her name is Mother War, and..."
Frank got lost in Gerard's beautiful voice. So many times did this happen to him, and he wished it never ended. Gerard had such a beautiful voice, whether he heard him sing, speak or just whisper in his sleep, Frank always thought that Gerard's voice was one of the purest thing he had ever heard. 'The things I'd do to you if you were mine...' he thought, knowing that Gerard would never be interested in an asshole like him. Well, that's what he thought.
"And, yeah, I don't know it all seems too... extra? What do you think, Frankie?"
Gerard's question had quickly brought Frank back to where they were before, Gerard still sitting in front of him, still smiling, but now looking so uncomfortable about what he had just shared.
"I... wow, seriously Gerard, that sounds like a banger. We should totally make this our next album. I would also be interested to take a look at the sketches, if you don't mind. I'll come by your bunk later so you can show me." Frank replied, still smiling at the adorable sight that was Gerard. Gerard immediately sighed in relief and smiled back at Frank.
"Thank you so much for listening and sharing your opinion with me, Frankie. You're really sweet! I don't know how I could ever repay you for being so nice to me."
Frank simply smiled, an idea running through his head.
"Well, I kinda know how you could repay me..." he replied, slowly crawling towards Gerard, who started to crawl back towards the wall, until his back was against it, nowhere else to go. "... But first, I have a question for you; do you like me, Gerard?"
Gerard blushed widely at those words. He just couldn't go and tell Frank that he had loved him ever since the day Frank joined his band on May 11th of the year 2002 and that he had dreams about him lately. But, on the other hand, Frank was the one crawling towards Gerard, with a very sensual tone in his voice. Gerard's heart dropped to his stomach as his mind began to race, in search of a rational answer.
"Um- I- Well- Uh" was all that Gerard's mind could form. He was too stammered to answer. So, Frank did the first step, one more time, and leaned in a bit so that his lips connected with Gerard's. At first, the older man gasped, but quickly it turned into a moan, and then a bunch of obscene noises. Gerard being a virgin nerd, it didn't take much to get him turned on. Especially when it was regarding Frank; just looking at him or thinking about him would make Gerard hard. Gerard could feel Frank smiling through the kiss, seeming so happy that this was really happening. It was all real. Frank was kissing Gerard, right there and now.'Oh, fuck, this all gets me so fucking excited' Frank thought as he slowly broke the kiss, looking into Gerard's eyes and smiling as the other man panted, a huge blush spreading across his cheeks.
"Follow me, we still have a while before anyone even finds us."
"Where are we going?" Gerard asked, unsure of where Frank was going to lead him.
"Bunks" Frank simply replied before lacing his arms around Gerard's hips and dragging him closer, kissing him by the same occasion.
Gerard suddenly got so nervous; his mind was racing so fast and his legs were barely holding him. Before he even realized, the two men had got out of the main buildings and were now in front of their tour bus. Frank opened the door and offered his hand to Gerard so he could help him climb in. Frank dragged Gerard into his bunk, gently pushing the other man against the mattress, kissing him and grinding against him. Everything was going too fast for Gerard; his head was spinning and his vision was blurry. He could only hear an annoying white noise in the background. He had to tell him. Before anything happened, Gerard grabbed Frank's wrist, signalling him that he needed to talk to him.
"What is it, love?" Frank asked, still kissing Gerard's neck passionately, making the older man moan and pant loudly -a melody to Frank's ears-.
"I-" Gerard breathed, almost inaudible.
"Yes?"
He couldn't tell him. 'He'll hate me. He will leave me here and go back to his own business.' Gerard started to think again as this scary feeling grew even bigger inside of him.
"It's nothing" Gerard knew this wasn't what he needed to say, but he was too nervous to speak up and tell the truth.
Gerard felt Frank's kisses stop and he felt the other man frown against his skin. "If you need to talk to me, please tell me. I love you, Gerard, and I want to see you happy." Frank said, making Gerard's chest warm up with those words, sending an uncontrollable shiver directly down his spine. Frank shifted a bit, so that he was now kneeling in front of Gerard, who was still sprawled across the bed, his eyes fixed on Frank.
For a moment, Gerard hesitated. How would Frank react? Would he laugh? Leave? Keep going? Be happy? What would happen? All these thoughts were making Gerard more and more concerned, and as Frank noticed this, he leaned in to kiss Gerard, making all traces of worries vanish from his features. Gerard moaned as Frank bit his bottom lip, drawing some blood and licking it off with his own tongue. While Gerard was focused on this new feeling, Frank let one of his hand drag down his partner's hip bone curve, squeezing his ass firmly as the other was going down, slowly going for his pants, making Gerard moan loudly at the feeling of someone else's hands on his body. Suddenly, he felt Frank's palm pressing against his underwear. Gerard tried hard to hold back the tears of anxiety that were building up in his eyes, but this was all too much, and that's when he started to panic. All those things were new to Gerard and sure it felt amazing to be touched by Frank but he felt totally out of his comfort zone and he needed his partner to know.
"Frankie?" Gerard breathed softly.
"Yes?"
"Uhm- The- The thing is- Uhm- Th-This is-"
But his brain was fucking up again; he couldn't form any comprehensive sentence. At first, Frank had thought that this was Gerard's orgasm building up, but the realization suddenly hit him like a train when he saw the tears in his eyes.
"Oh my god, Gerard, are you okay?" Frank asked, now really concerned.
"Y-es.. I'm- fuck- I'm sorry Frankie-" was the only thing that Gerard could reply before he started sobbing, making his partner even more worried about him.
"Gerard? Fuck, are you okay? Did I do something wrong?"
"N-no, I'm sorry Frankie I'm just-"
Gerard hung his head, not knowing how to answer. His mouth and mind couldn't seem to form anything comprehensive together, and that only made Gerard more anxious as he bursted out in tears once more. Frank simply sat next to him, rubbing his back softly. But suddenly, he had a realisation. Through the whole time, not one single time he had heard Gerard say 'yes' or 'more'. Even when Frank had asked him if he loved him, Gerard had only stuttered. He had only followed him to the bus. Sure, he could be enjoying himself, but if Frank had learn anything from sex, it's that the body will react depending on which nerve you touch, on how you touch, and even when someone is raped and still has an orgasm, it doesn't mean that this person enjoyed it; it's the body's reaction to lubricate itself to prevent permanent damage. Right now, Gerard had never gave a single hint that he had given his consent to this, and he had tried to talk but just gave up. And, most importantly, now he was crying.
"Oh fuck..."
Gerard tilted his head a bit to look at Frank, who was now looking shocked too. His mind went blank as he turned his head a bit to look into Gerard's eyes.
"Gerard... Did I... Took advantage of you?" Frank spilled out, now way too stressed out by the fact that his best friend-slash-crush-slash-band mate might hate him.
"What? Gosh, Frankie, no! I want this. Oh my God I'm so sorry, please, don't feel bad about this!" Gerard replied as fast as he could, staring at Frank in horror, tears in his eyes. "It's just that... I was so scared that you might reject me or laugh at me because I'm 27 and I'm still a virgin and I get really turned on whenever I think of you and- oh fuck" he gasped as he put his hand in front of his mouth as if to hide it, realizing the mistake he had just done. Telling Frank he was a virgin was one part; telling Frank that he was a fucking turn on was another thing, and Gerard had just fucked up.
"What... Do you mean?" Frank asked, simply staring at Gerard in confusion. Gerard tried to look away, too embarassed to answer, but Frank grabbed his chin gently, letting his hand rest there for a moment, trying to find answers in his lover's eyes.
"I was afraid, Frankie." Gerard finally breathed out, still looking away.
"What were you afraid of?"
"Doing it. A lot of people I know told me it hurts as hell. And I was scared of telling you because I was scared you would leave. And now I feel like I lost all the trust you had in me." Gerard said, hanging his head low.
Frank couldn't stand seeing Gerard suffer that way; sure, they weren't a "couple" but both men had feeling for each other -that was clear- and seeing Gerard like this was destroying Frank.
"Is there anything I could do, baby? Please, tell me." Frank said, his hands extending to reach Gerard's, holding them tightly in between his own.
Gerard thought for a moment. He did want to make love with Frank, but he also was scared and unprepared.
"Do... Do you mind if we stay here a bit and... I don't know... Maybe, cuddle? If you want" Gerard asked, his voice lowering as he blushed and looked away. Frank looked surprised at this odd request from his partner, but simply nodded acknowledgingly, shifting back on the mattress. He placed himself behind Gerard, letting his left arm rest on the older man's thigh, making him gasp and sigh a bit.
"Like that?" Frank asked softly in Gerard's ear, his voice sending a shiver in Gerard's body as he nodded rapidly to answer Frank's question, making him unintentionally grind his hips back against Frank as both men moaned obscenely. The younger man bit his lip as hard as he could as his entire body shivered too, trying not to hump Gerard right now. 'Fuckingjesuschrist does he even what that does to me?' Frank thought as the bulge in his pants kept growing hard and hurtful.
Both men stayed like this for a while, Frank's hand going up and down Gerard's chest, his fingers dancing on his lover's milky white skin. The only thing that Frank could hear was the melody of small noises and sighs that Gerard would make -and this was truly a blessing to his ears. He could feel the older man's heart beating against his chest, his breaths still a bit uneven. After a while of laying there in silence, Frank spoke up.
"I apologize. I feel like I did something wrong earlier, and I'm sorry."
"Don't. It's not your fault" Gerard replied almost mutely.
Frank raised his hand so it would meet Gerard's cheekbones, slowly caressing his face in a pure and gentle way.
"I love you, Gerard"
Gerard froze for a few seconds, unsure of what he had heard. But when he realized that Frank really told him he loved him, Gerard got even happier as a wide smile started spreading across his features.
"I love you too, Frankie" Gerard said before shifting a bit, cuddling more against Frank's body as his little spoon. Frank was suddenly so glad he brought Gerard back to their bunks.
"I mean this, Gee. I love you. Unconditionally."
And with those words, Frank kissed his partner's forehead gently, the kiss itself being as smooth as a butterfly. Gerard fell asleep soon after, and Frank drifted off with the sounds of his sleeping beauty.