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Zayn wakes up to the noise of cupboards being opened and slammed shut, and other noises that let him know his boyfriend is awake and in the kitchen. It takes him a few minutes to come around but he finally manages to drag himself out of bed. He pulls Harry's discarded jogging bottoms over his naked lower half, dragging his fingers through his sleep mussed hair, as he heads through the apartment to the kitchen.
Harry's moving around the kitchen in a way that lets Zayn knows something is wrong. It's not his usual lazy strides, half asleep attempts to make Zayn's favourite breakfast. It's more of a rush, the way he is before Zayn goes on tour for a long time. Only Zayn hasn't got tour planned for at least another few weeks, so he has no idea what's got his boyfriend so wound up.
He waits until Harry's motionless, stood in front of the stove --where two eggs are resting inside a pan of boiling water--before he makes his way over.
Zayn moves his hands around the younger lad’s waist and rests his chin on his shoulder. "Morning handsome."
"Hey." Harry grumbles back, barely audible.
There's a few minutes of silence, with Harry prodding at the eggs, whole body tense. Zayn's trying to make his brain fully wake up, to ask what's wrong.
When he finally feels awake enough, he trails his fingers across Harry's bare stomach and nuzzles at his neck. "What's up?"
Another few minutes of silence so Zayn trails kisses along Harry's jawline, trying to loosen him up.
"Gemma messaged me on Facebook.” Harry blurts.
Zayn takes his chin off the other lad’s shoulder to turn him around gently. "Your sister Gemma?"
Harry nods.
"Christ." Zayn breathes. "What did she say?"
"There was a lot of rambling." Harry bites the corner of his lip. "She wants to get dinner and talk."
Zayn cups Harry's jaw, stroking his thumb across the younger lad’s cheek. "Do you want to?"
"I don't see why I would be interested in anything she has to say." Harry shrugs.
"She probably just wants to catch up." Zayn explains. "It's been a long time."
"Yeah and whose fault is that?” Harry spits spitefully.
"C'mon, Haz." Zayn says. "It's not her fault your parents were dicks."
"She was nineteen when they kicked me out, Z." Harry cries. "It's not like she was some kid, she was my big sister. She should have been there for me then, not four fucking years later."
Zayn sighs, moving his hand to Harry's shoulder and tugging him into a hug. "I'm sorry, baby."
"I hate them and I hate them more for making me hate them." Harry sniffles into Zayn's collar bone.
"I know. Shh…” Zayn hushes and finds his mind wandering back to that dreadful day.
When their relationship was first formed, both were clueless as to how their parents might react. So they decided not to tell anyone, let the secret escape on its own. They were best friends after all, so no one really suspected anything when they spent 24/7 together and had sleepovers most nights.
Harry's dad had found them; they weren't really doing anything, just having a cheeky snog on Harry's bed. He'd looked so angry that Zayn was actually scared he might hurt Harry and refused to leave when asked.
The worst part of it all, was that Harry's mum did nothing but look on in sadness. When Harry's dad threw Harry out, with nothing but the clothes on his back, she did nothing but watch from behind the blinds in the living room. Zayn had to physically drag Harry away from where he was stood in the driveway, looking at her, tears streaming down his face.
They decided to tell Zayn's parents; they had to, there was no other explanation as to why Harry was now homeless. Zayn's parents were a lot more accepting. In fact, they had allowed Harry to sleep on their couch before it became too much of a hassle. They had sat both Harry and Zayn down, told them that Harry needed to find somewhere else to live.
Zayn had been furious at the time but when he looks back on it now, it wasn't their fault. Harry wasn't their child or their responsibility. They were still willing to allow him to stay under their roof, until he found a more suitable place to live. At the time, he was a teenager and hormones got the better of him. He packed his stuff and extra clothes of his for Harry and left his family home, with Harry in tow.
They were sixteen, jobless and homeless. It was only by chance that Zayn's friend Danny was staying at his boyfriend Louis’ place, and Louis was willing to take them. He'd offered them a couch and food, and asked for nothing in return. Zayn still feels like he's never going to be able to truly repay the other lad, for that and all the other things he's done for them.
Zayn had gotten back in contact with his family the minute his career kicked off, in fact him and Harry had gone back to his family home just last Christmas. Harry, on the other hand, hadn't had contact with anyone blood related to him since his dad had chucked him out.
Until today that is.
They don't talk about it for the rest of the morning. Harry finishes making breakfast and they eat out on the balcony, making mundane conversation about what they could do for the rest of the day.
Louis comes over just as Zayn's clearing the table and Zayn offers him a smile, trying to convey through his eyes that Harry really needs someone talk to. Then he leaves the pair to it, glancing out at the balcony now and again as he washes the breakfast dishes. He winces slightly when Harry yells something and decides to go have a shower, not wanting to be around to hear his boyfriend get upset.
When he gets out and dresses to spend the day inside the apartment, he finds his best friend and boyfriend curled up on the couch. A new visitor is sitting on Harry's right, with Harry's hand clasped between his own.
"I guess we're having a movie day." He comments, settling himself in on Louis' left.
"Have ya got beer?" Niall asks, leaning around the Louis/Harry snuggle pile to look at him.
Zayn nods, collecting the tablet from the coffee table. "In the door of the fridge."
Niall presses a kiss to the back of Harry's hand before letting it disappear back in to the snuggle pile, then he stands up and heads to the kitchen.
"What do we want? Action, comedy or romance?" He asks, flicking through the films, stopping as he comes across the ones he knows Harry likes.
A mumble comes from the snuggle pile and Louis' louder voice follows with. "Apparently we want a soppy film."
"P.S. I love you." Zayn settles, clicking on the film.
Another mumble followed by Louis again repeating. "We agree."
Zayn lets out a soft laugh and Louis winks over at him. He waits for Niall to come back from the kitchen and settle back on Harry's right before he clicks play on the film.
The four of them sit in silence for the first half of the film, until it gets to the point where Gerard Butler's character is singing in the karaoke bar. Harry pokes his head out from where it had been buried in Louis' chest to look over at Zayn.
"That's you and me,” He smiles. "Except you're on a stage in front of thousands and I’m in the crowd being boring. Then people find our twitters and find out that I’m the interesting one in our relationship."
"Can't say your twitter isn't interesting, babe." Zayn grins back. "Especially when you post photos of you tattooing random guys’ arses."
"He wasn't random, it was Paul." Harry replies.
"And what's Paul's last name?"
Harry buries his face back in Louis' chest and Zayn laughs, returning his concentration back to the screen. Everyone goes silent until Hilary Swank's character falls off the stage.
Niall laughs the loudest and says, "That's definitely you, Haz."
Zayn smiles as Harry's hand comes down to rest on his thigh, he covers it with his own and squeezes it gently. Listening to Louis and Niall exchanging jokes about how much of a klutz Harry is, while the film continues to play on in the background.
They make it to the end of the film and are half-way through the next one before Niall's demanding someone go on a beer run. Louis tells him if he wants it, he should have to go. But he also demands a list of things he wants Niall to pick up while he's out.
Harry curls up to Zayn while Louis' in the kitchen, writing Niall a list.
"You okay?" Zayn asks, threading his fingers through Harry's curls.
“Hmm…” Harry hums, playing with the drawstring on Zayn's hoodie. "I think...I think I’m going to meet up with her."
"Okay." Zayn says slowly. "Only if you're sure though?"
Harry nods, looking up at Zayn. "Will you come with me?"
"Of course I will, babe." Zayn replies, leaning down to brush his lips across Harry's.
There's a knock on the door, just as Louis and Niall return from the kitchen. Louis dumps himself on the couch next to Zayn and Harry while Niall heads across the apartment to answer it.
"Did you tell him?" He asks Harry.
Harry nods, still looking up at Zayn. Zayn brushes the younger lad’s hair from his face and presses another kiss to his lips, ignoring the childish sick noise Louis makes.
"Liam's here!" Niall announces as he leaves, the sound of the apartment door closing behind him.
Liam nervously appears in to the doorway to the living room, hands buried deep in to his pockets. "Hi."
"Hey, man." Zayn greets. "Is everything alright?"
“Uh, yeah." Liam replies. "We were, uh, gonna discuss tour details."
Harry's now frowning up at Zayn. "I thought it wasn't for a few weeks?"
"It's not, don't look at me like that." Zayn hushes him. "I completely forgot, Li. Sorry, mate."
Liam shrugs like it's no big deal but his eyebrows are still drawn together as he hovers in the doorway awkwardly.
"Come sit down, man." Zayn offers. "Ni's just gone for a beer run, the bugger drank all ours."
It takes a moment and Liam glancing at Louis nervously before he finally comes in to the room, settling on the very edge of the U shaped couch.
"This is Louis, our dumb best friend." Harry introduces. "Lou, this is Liam, Zayn's tour manager."
Louis’s got that look on his face that Zayn knows means trouble, his eyes on Liam like he's his next target.
"It's nice to meet you, Louis." Liam smiles politely.
“Obviously,” Louis replies and Zayn refuses to expend the energy it takes to roll his eyes. "You've got some amazing lips there, Leeymo."
The blush that coats Liam's cheeks could heat the room. "Uh, I..Uhm…Uhm, thanks.
“Lou…” Zayn warns, glancing down at Harry, who looks far too amused by it all.
"What? I can't compliment a great pair of lips when I see them?” Louis retorts. "I bet they give a great blow job."
Liam looks like if someone had said they'd kill him, he'd take them up on the offer right now.
"Louis." Harry scolds this time but the fond smile on his lips isn't helping anyone.
Zayn pinches the bare skin of his hip, just because. Harry's grin is turned on him and Zayn just shakes his head, making a mental note to get him back for this later.
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Zayn asks Liam.
Liam runs a hand through his styled quiff, messing it up slightly. "Tour dates, we need to finalize them. I also need your final set list and I need to know if you made your mind up about meet and greets?"
The nervous boy that appeared in the doorway is suddenly gone, the Liam that Zayn knows all the well in his place. He's the only person that Zayn knows that can change his personality, based on if he's working or not.
"Meet and greets, yeah." Zayn nods. "I know I said they were tiring but, like, it's nice to meet people before the show."
Harry cuddles closer to him, resting his head on Zayn's chest. "Just make sure my time is in there as well."
"All the time is your time." Zayn replies, resting his head down on Harry's.
"I thought about that." Liam says, tugging his phone from his jeans. "I calculated the dates Harry might visit and I think it'd be possible for you not to have interviews or anything on those days. That way you guys can have a few hours together."
He's clicking around on his phone, unaware of all the eyes on him, including a silent Louis, which is scaring Zayn slightly. When he's found what he needs, he leans across the couch to show Zayn.
Zayn lifts his arm from around Harry to take the phone and smiles when he sees a complete schedule made up on one of the apps. "If there were awards for people who go out of their way to do a good job, you'd win."
Liam smiles, pointing at the phone screen. "I made sure there were barely any early morning interviews, I know you hate those. We're also gonna have two tour bus drivers this year, we got a little worried about Mike last year. We want to make sure you're safe, so there will be a night and day driver."
"Main priority.” Harry comments sleepily.
Zayn presses a kiss to the top of his head. "I've got the set list on my computer but I’m not sure this one is gonna move for me to go and get it."
"It's okay, just email it to me." Liam shrugs, taking his phone back when Zayn offers.
Zayn nods, wrapping his arms back around Harry. "Are we done?"
"Yeah, we'll discuss the tour dates when, you, like, have more time." Liam mumbles, returning back to himself, his tour manager hat back off.
"Cool." Zayn smiles. "You can stay if you want, dude. We're just gonna drink, watch movies, probably order a pizza or two."
"Or six if Niall's included." Louis comments.
A laugh escapes Liam and Louis beams like it's the proudest moment of his life. "If you don't mind."
"Of course we don't." Louis answers, even though Liam was looking at Zayn.
Zayn smiles though, hoping that it conveys his agreement with Louis' reply. Louis moves from Harry's side then and settles himself on the couch close to Liam.
"That's a nice tat, mate." He comments, pointing to the feather Liam has on his arm. "Are those Z's lyrics?"
"Yeah, uh, yeah." Liam nods several times. "It's my favourite song of his."
"That's dedication." Louis grins. "Don't tell me you let our Haz tattoo you as well?"
Liam shrugs and nods his head, the crimson colour on his cheeks now permanent. Zayn tightens his arms around Harry's snoozing frame, watching his two friends flirt terribly.
*
It takes them a few weeks to set up a date to have dinner with Gemma. It's not because they're busy, they're both on break technically (well Harry has pretty much left his tattoo shop in LA in their friend Alex’s hands). It's mostly because every time Zayn tries to get Harry to make contact with Gemma, set something up, he'll make up some excuse. Finally, Zayn calls in backup and has Louis yell at Harry until the other boy folds.
They're set to have dinner with her tonight and so far Harry's had three panic attacks. Zayn has forgone having a shower because every time he leaves Harry to his own devices, he crawls back in to bed and forgets how to breathe. Louis is on a date with Liam tonight (that Zayn is also slightly worried about), which means that Zayn can't even call him in for help.
"Okay?" Zayn asks, pulling a knitted sweater on over the black t-shirt Harry's already wearing.
"What if she's different?" Harry worries, letting Zayn put his necklace back. "What if she hates me and this dinner is just to tell me how much?"
Zayn tucks the cross under Harry's sweater. "I'm sure she wouldn't go through all this effort just for that, babe."
"But what if..." Harry pauses to lick his lips. "What if she doesn't turn up?"
Zayn presses a kiss to Harry's lips, distracted by the way Harry had wet them. "Then we'll have ourselves a date and come home early to have some amazing sex."
Harry's lips turn up as he slips his arms under Zayn's. "I love you."
"Good, 'cause you're all I want." Zayn replies, pressing another kiss to those obscene lips.
They forget themselves for a moment, until Zayn's phone buzzes from behind them on the bed, letting them know they're gonna be late. Zayn presses one last reassuring kiss to Harry’s lips before letting go. He collects his phone from the bed and both their jackets from the wardrobe.
Harry's twiddling his thumbs nervously as he waits by the bedroom door. Zayn has to squeeze his arm just to get him to relax enough to pull his jacket on. Zayn then has to break contact to pull on his own jacket but has Harry's hand clasped in his the moment he’s finished.
They'd ordered a car to take them from their apartment to the restaurant. Zayn knows Harry's going to need booze to get through the night and a sober him is never good at taking care of a drunk Harry. The driver, Ian, is the one that's normally in charge of taking Zayn to interviews around London, or to the airport. Harry's usually up for making conversation with him but tonight he just slips in to the back and curls up to Zayn's side, nervously twitching.
"Everything alright?" Ian asks.
Zayn nods, rubbing Harry's arm soothingly. "Its kind of an important dinner."
"It's not the in-laws, is it?" Ian asks. "I always get nervous when my missus’ parents are in town, they really don't like me."
"I bet that's not true.” Zayn replies, ignoring the question proposed.
"You have no idea, man." Ian comes back, then goes off in to a whole tangent of stories related to him and his in-laws and the reasons they have for hating him.
Zayn spends the entire drive split between comforting Harry and attempting to keep up conversation with Ian. By the time they pull up outside the restaurant, he's sure Harry's whole body is shaking from how nervous he is.
"Thanks, man." He offers Ian, tugging his boyfriend out of the car.
They'd made sure to choose a relatively unknown restaurant, not wanting the added stress of the press on top of it all. Though Zayn is sure by the whispers he hears as they head in to the restaurant that there will probably be fans, or paps or a mixture of both, outside by the time they leave.
"Table for three. Styles." Zayn says to the waitress at the door when she looks up expectantly.
"This way." She replies politely, picking up only two menus.
Zayn squeezes Harry's hand tightly, knowing exactly what that means. Harry's trailing behind him slowly as they make their way through the restaurant, to the point where Zayn has to tug on his hand to get him to move faster.
When they reach the table, the waitress mentions something about their server, puts their menus on the table and leaves them to it. Gemma's staring past Zayn, at the boy behind him. It gives Zayn the chance to take her in; the last time he saw her, she had short black hair and a full fringe. Now she had long blonde hair and her smile was twisted with something he assumed was guilt.
"You both look…” She finally looks at Zayn. "Grown up."
"Not teenagers anymore." Zayn shrugs, tugging Harry to his side.
Harry's grip on his hand is deathly, the shaking has stopped but Zayn think he's gonna have to remind the younger boy how to breathe at any moment.
"Sit, please." She gestures to the seats opposite her.
Zayn tugs out the chair for Harry, then for himself. Not letting go of Harry's hand as they both take their seats, they’re all silent for a moment, just taking each other in.
"How've...you been?" Gemma asks cautiously.
Zayn stays silent on purpose, looking down at the table to force Harry to answer. He doesn't, not for a long time, and when Zayn looks over at him, he's just staring in Gemma's direction.
Gemma's own gaze is on her hands when Zayn looks over at her, she's fiddling with her ring nervously. Zayn pulls their intertwined hands on to the table with a loud clank, waiting for her to look over. When she does, he glances down at their hands and then back to her, with a daring gaze.
"I'm sorry." She blurts, looking directly at him. "I'm sorry I didn't contact you sooner. I'm sorry it took me seeing your stupid dimples on the cover of Heat magazine to finally find your name on Facebook. I'm sorry I bowed down to what our idiotic father thought because I thought it would make it easier for you."
"Easier for me?" Harry growls the first thing he says all night.
"He was horrid, Harry." She replies, her voice strangely calm. "Do you know how many times he asked me where you'd gone? He wanted to send people to 'beat the gay out of you'. I thought it would be easier, if I didn't know, so I couldn't tell him."
"Four years, Gemma." Harry says.
"I know, I know. I could have got in touch after the divorce." She sighs. "I was a coward, I didn't want you to look at me the way you're looking at me right now."
Harry's grip on Zayn's hand loosens. "You really did it to protect me?"
"Of course." Gemma replies. "You really think I wanted to lose my little brother? It killed me to come back from Uni and see your empty room."
"Really?" Harry questions, voice shocked.
"God, H." Gemma exclaims, pained. “Yes, really. I didn't even go home for Christmas while they were still together. I couldn't do it, not without you. Not on my own."
"You really cared...that he made me go?" Harry asks shakily.
"Yes." Gemma nods. "I cared that you were gone. I cared that I couldn't get in touch with you. I cared that I may not ever see you again. I cared, H. I promise you."
Harry sniffles slightly and Zayn squeezes his hand in comfort.
"Please, tell me you believe me?" Gemma pleads.
Harry nods. "I do, it's hard but I do."
A small smile tugs at Gemma's lips. "Thank you."
Zayn gently tugs his hand from Harry's and puts his arm across the back of Harry's chair instead. "They really got divorced?"
"Yeah, they argued constantly about it, to a point where Mum just couldn't take it anymore." Gemma shrugs. "She kicked him out."
"Really?" Harry queries.
Gemma nods. "She's remarried now, to a guy named Robin. He's really nice, you'd like him, he's the sweetest guy I know."
"Do you think…” Harry trails off but Zayn knows what he wants to ask. Do you think she'd want to see me again?
"Are you kidding me?" Gemma smiles. "You have no idea how much she'd love to see you again. She's asked me to find you so many times, but she feels guilty, she thinks you won't forgive her. To be honest, I thought that too."
"It'd be hard." Harry starts. "But..I think...I'd like to see her again."
Zayn moves his arm around Harry’s shoulder, squeezing gently and smiling when Harry looks in his direction. Harry's body is more relaxed now, the tenseness that had been in his shoulders most of the night completely gone.
"I'll ask her, we'll sort something out." Gemma says, pulling Harry's attention back to her.
The conversation is a lot easier after that, as the two siblings catch up on what they had missed in each others lives over the past four years. Zayn offers little to the conversation, only putting his word in when he thinks it's appropriate, or when he feels Harry needs him to.
By the time they’re done with the meal, they've found out quite a lot about Gemma that they didn't know. Like the fact that she’s engaged, to some Australian dude she'd met while traveling during her gap year from Uni. She'd only recently graduated but she's got a job in London, not far from where their apartment is. She'd been living in London for the past three months but didn't have the courage to find Harry in person, that's why she'd searched for him on Facebook. There were also other less important pieces of information, like the fact she's somehow become allergic to apples.
Harry's got Zayn's favourite smile on his lips by the time they're paying for the cheque. Gemma had offered but Zayn had put his credit card on the small glass plate, before she had chance to reach for her purse.
He lets them have their own private goodbye as he goes to the front of the restaurant, trying to find a waitress who could inform him if there’s a crowd outside or not. The young girl he asks hadn't been the one who had served them and she looks a little wide-eyed as he makes conversation with her. She does go outside to check for him though, looking a little worried when she returns.
"There's paps and fans outside." Zayn informs Harry when he and Gemma finally make their way over.
Harry nods, plastering on a fake smile, ready to face the music. Zayn reaches for his hand but Gemma tugs on his sleeve, pleading with her eyes for their own private goodbye. Harry's pulling his phone from his pocket, more than likely texting Louis and Zayn knows he doesn't have to ask if it's okay.
Gemma's got her arms wrapped around her abdomen, her lip tucked between her teeth as she stands in front of Zayn. Zayn finds himself glancing over his shoulder to check on Harry, impatiently waiting for her to say what she needs to.
"I know I don't have to tell you this…” She starts. "I probably don't have any right to either."
Zayn raises his eyebrows, crosses his own arms across his chest.
"Please, look after him." She says. "I know you always have and I don't see it stopping anytime soon. But I just feel like, I need the confirmation that you will. In case the whole thing with Mum goes to shit and…”
"You lose him again." Zayn adds.
Gemma nods, eyes on the floor. "I just need to know that he'll be okay. I didn’t… there wasn't that surety of it last time."
'You mean when he was sixteen and was sent to live on the streets' Zayn wants to say but instead says. "I'll always take care of him, that's never going to be something you have to worry about."
Gemma looks back up, small smile on her lips. "Thank you, Zayn."
When she offers her arms out, he leans in for the hug. Even after the events of the evening, he feels cautious. Like he's still not quite willing to open his heart to these people that had hurt his Harry so badly. That's why he keeps the hug short, offering Gemma a small reassuring smile before making his way back over to his boyfriend.
"Okay?" He asks, when Harry looks up from his phone.
Harry nods, amused smile on his lips. "I think Lou might have scared Liam off."
"Wouldn't be surprised." Zayn shrugs, this time catching Harry's hand when he reaches out for it. "I'm surprised Liam even said yes in the first place, they're not exactly each other’s type."
"At least we have something to make him blush about for the next year." Harry grins.
"You're a mean man, Harry Styles." Zayn jokes, leaning in to press a kiss to Harry's lips.
A noise comes from behind them and when Zayn pulls back, he finds Gemma beaming at them proudly. He can't stop the laugh leaving his lips at how ridiculous the whole thing is. Harry's smile is back, the one he had earlier, the one that has Zayn mimicking it without permission.
"Ready?" He asks, waiting for Harry to prepare himself and nod before leading him towards the door.
"Have you texted Ian?" Harry asks as they make their way to the door.
"Yeah, he's out front." Zayn replies, then looks to Gemma. "Sure you don't want a lift?"
"I've texted Ashton." She says, waving them off as she glances down at the phone in her hand. "He's on his way, I’ll be fine."
"Okay, we'll see you soon." He says, opening the door to the restaurant.
Harry does a little wave to her over his shoulder as he and Zayn head outside. There's not as many people as normal, around two to three paps and a handful of fans. Zayn puts on his normal smile, keeping a tight grip on Harry's hand as they walk from the restaurant to the awaiting car.
He signs a few things for fans close to the car but ends up pushing Harry inside when the paps’ banter gets a bit strong. Ian's a lot less chattier this time. He asks if they had a good night but doesn't offer up much of a conversation after that, dropping them off at their apartment with a tired 'Night lads'.
Harry's also quite quiet as Zayn leads them through the ground floor to the lifts. He's got his phone in his free hand, more than likely trying to calm Louis down after his terrible date with Liam. Zayn rubs his thumb across the top of the younger lad’s hand as they wait, feeling suddenly exhausted.
When the lift comes, Harry puts his phone back in his jacket pocket. Zayn presses the button to their floor once they're inside, allowing Harry to curl under his arm.
"Thank you." Harry whispers.
Zayn looks down at him with a soft smile. "What for?"
"For making me go, for being you." Harry shrugs, a smile tugging at his own lips. "For never leaving me."
Zayn kisses him, with a lot more passion than he had at the restaurant. In fact, they don't even notice the lift reaching their floor and Harry ends up almost chopping his arm off, making sure the doors don't close.
Harry giggles childishly when Zayn's eyes go a little wide, actually thinking that the lift door is gonna hurt him pretty bad. Zayn wraps his arm around the lad’s waist, whispering sexual profanities in his ear, as they walk step for step from the lift to their apartment.
"You're a pervert." Harry says as they reach their door.
Zayn presses a kiss below his ear. "You don't say that when I've got you squirming beneath me, begging for it."
Harry squirms, the tops of his ears going pink as he makes a mess of trying to find the key for the door. Zayn keeps distracting him, moving his lips down Harry's neck and back up. Stopping to suck a mark on Harry's sweet spot, making the younger boy moan and almost drop the set of keys in his hand.
"Hurry the fuck up." Zayn breathes harshly, moving his hands under Harry's clothes until he finds bare skin.
"I'm trying, if you’d only stop being so bloody distracting." Harry snaps back, still trying to get the key in the lock.
Zayn ignores him, attaching his lips back to the other lad’s neck, hands moving lower until they're grazing the top of Harry's belt buckle.
"Zayn." Harry groans, finally unlocking the door.
Zayn doesn't offer a verbal response, instead he pushes Harry inside the apartment and kicks the door shut behind them.
*
The week before tour is always a hectic one and it's not helped by how clingy Harry gets. This time they're in LA because as much as Harry would like to spend Zayn's break watching films and having sex, he does actually have a business to run, which means he has to spend some of the time at his tattoo studios. The one in LA is his newest and it's insanely popular, with most people wanting to be tattooed by Harry rather than any of the guys that work for him.
Zayn doesn't mind, he quite likes LA, especially in the later winter months when the UK's weather is utterly miserable. The only downside to LA is no Louis, which means that when Harry does get clingy, there's no way to force Louis on him to get him to stop. He does have Liam staying with them though, going over the very last minute tour details but he's of no use, he can barely get Harry to do anything normally.
It's the Friday before Zayn has to fly back to England, where the tour will start. They're in the studio and Harry's doing Alex's tattoo, matching the one that Zayn’s already got on his own rib cage. Zayn's sure the only reason Harry took time out of his schedule to do them is because he wanted to have a reason to make Zayn stay in the studio all day.
"So what time's your flight tomorrow, man?" Alex asks, wincing when Harry digs the needle in a bit too hard.
Zayn gives Harry a look, which he replies to with an innocent smile. "It's early, like seven, I think."
"I'm not coming to say goodbye then." Alex laughs.
"I wouldn't either." Zayn grins, leaning back in his chair. "You're still coming to the New York show, right?"
"You mean your sold-out Madison Square Garden show?” Alex scoffs fondly. "Of course I am."
"Yeah, good." Zayn says, trying not to think of it as the big deal it actually is.
Harry makes a noise, either unimpressed with the mundane conversation or annoyed that they're having a conversation about a tour date that is months away.
"Man, I miss touring." Alex admits, glancing down to where Harry's finishing off the tattoo.
Zayn sits up in his chair. "I could still talk to Liam about you opening for the South America tour?"
Alex sighs, leaning his head back down. "I don't think so, I’d have to talk to the guys."
"I'm sure they'd agree." Zayn says. "It'd be cool, man. Having you on tour with me."
"I'll just run the shop on my own while you're gone then, shall I?" Harry spits harshly.
"Haz..." Alex tries but Harry stands up from his chair, ripping the gloves off his hand as he storms stroppily to the back room.
Zayn sighs when Alex gives him a helpless look and pats his friend’s leg reassuringly as he heads to the back room after his boyfriend. Harry's curled in on himself on the back couch, looking far too small for someone of his size.
"Are you gonna be like this all day?" Zayn asks, sitting down next to him.
Harry shrugs, keeping his face buried in his knees.
"This isn't just about me leaving for tour, is it?” Zayn predicts. "Are you going to tell me what it is or am I going to have to call Lou?"
Harry turns his face so his cheek's resting on his knee but his eyes are on Zayn. "I talked to Gemma."
“Oh, babe. Why didn't you tell me?" Zayn questions, moving closer to be able to wrap his arms around Harry.
Harry shrugs, leaning in to Zayn's touch. "You were busy."
"I'm never top busy for you, never." Zayn promises. "What did she say? Are you going to meet up with Anne?"
"Yeah." Harry nods. "They want me to go down there next month some time but..."
"I'll be in Europe somewhere." Zayn adds.
Harry nods again, frown on his lips.
"I'll have breaks though, I can fly back for it." Zayn says. "I'll get Liam to book it in, you know what he's like, he'll make it his mission to give me a few days for it."
"I don't want to be a bother."
"It's fine, babe." Zayn insists. "I can't believe you didn't tell me earlier, you idiot."
Harry nudges his shoulder in to Zayn's side. "I was trying to be nice."
"You're always trying to be bloody nice." Zayn smiles, draping his arm around Harry's shoulder and kissing his temple.
*
The first goodbye is always the hardest.
Zayn's got Harry curled in to him in the car, with Ian in the drivers seat and Liam in the passenger. They'd said their real goodbye last night with both words and actions. Zayn's got a pretty visible hickey on the lower right side of his neck, which pretty much screams 'Harry's property'.
Even though they do try to say their goodbyes the night before, they always end up here. Sat outside the airport, blacked out windows of the car shielding them from the awaiting press. Harry's wet eyes pressed to the bare skin of Zayn's neck, while Zayn tries to hold himself together, repeating to himself that it's only a few weeks and they'll see each other soon enough over Skype.
"We're gonna head in." Liam says, turning in his seat. "Come in when you're ready?"
Zayn nods, hand buried in Harry's curls, the other rubbing soothing circles on the younger boy’s back. He waits until they're alone in the car before he gently eases Harry's face from where it's buried in his neck.
"You make it so hard, every time." He scolds fondly, wiping the tears from Harry's cheeks.
"It's stupid." Harry sniffles. "Lou's gonna have a field day when he sees the photos tomorrow."
"We best clean you up then." Zayn says, brushing his lips across Harry's cheek.
"What are you going to do, kiss my tears away?" Harry laughs.
"Possibly." Zayn grins. "Got you laughing though, that's what I like."
Harry leans in to the hand cupping his cheek. "It's five weeks, right? Then I’ll see you at the O2 show."
"It's not long, baby." Zayn promises. "You won't even notice, I’ll text you all the time and Skype you any time we both have time."
Harry closes his eyes for a moment, not saying a word. Zayn puts his lips on any skin he thinks he hasn't covered yet and then finally covers Harry's lips with his own. Trying to commit to memory the way they feel beneath his own, like he hadn't already done that.
They pull apart after a while, heads resting together, their breath mixing. Taking the last few minutes with each other before they have to face what's outside the car.
"Ready?" Zayn asks.
Harry nods, twisting their hands together as Zayn reaches for the door handle. There's a large crowd outside but Paul's there, keeping their path towards the airport clear for them. Zayn offers him a thankful smile, helps Harry out of the black escalade and then navigates them through the crowd. He signs as many things as can for the fans he passes and squeezes Harry's hand tightly when the crowd starts to close in on them.
Paul reaches out to clasp his hand around Zayn's wrist, practically tugging him and Harry through the crowd to get them inside the airport. The crowd follows them in and airport security ends up having to physically separate them.
Niall grins at them as they make their way over. "Always know how to make an entrance, don't ya."
"It's crazy." Zayn comments, glancing over his shoulder at the fans being restrained by airport security.
"People love you, man." Niall shrugs. "The whole reason we get to tour is cause of it."
Harry burrows himself under Zayn's arm, making a noise in protest at the mention of tour.
"I've already recruited Lou." Niall smiles reassuringly. "He should be here by Monday, his kids are on like half term or something so he's got a few days off work."
Zayn feels a smile being pressed to the skin of his neck and he squeezes at Harry's shoulder, glad that his boyfriend’s got something to look forward to, rather than moping over him being gone.
"We've got to go through security soon, mate." Liam says, suddenly appearing from where he'd been chatting with other members of his team.
"Okay." He replies, tightening his grip on a now stiff Harry.
Liam reaches out to squeeze Harry's arm in a friendly way and it amazes Zayn that, after only a few weeks of dating Louis, he's become so open to physical affection. When they had first met on Zayn's very first tour, it was hard to get Liam to shake your hand without some kind of awkward expression on his face. Like he could do the hand shake wrong and disappoint you or something.
The crowd being stopped by security is terrifyingly large at this point and Zayn's a little scared of leaving Harry on his own to deal with them, once he's gone through security.
"I'm gonna go talk to Paul." He tells Harry. "Stay with Ni for a minute?"
Harry nods, reluctantly taking his arms from around Zayn to stand next to Niall. Zayn heads over to Paul, who's stood fairly close to the man-made barrier. The crowd’s screams are piercing.
"Were you in need of an ego boost?" Paul teases.
Zayn grins, waving slightly when a girl shouts his name. The security guy she's trying to climb over looks murderous and Zayn makes a mental note to send them some kind of a gift as thanks.
"Your boy looks like he's gonna cry if you don't get back over there soon." Paul says, causing Zayn to look over his shoulder to find Harry with his head rested on Niall's shoulder, pouting as he looks over at them.
Zayn smiles a little, looking back to Paul. "Uhm, is there any way you can make sure Harry gets out of here safe?"
"I told the airport security guys that they'll need to make sure he gets back out." Paul answers. "Would you rather me keep one of the boys back?"
"Would you mind?" Zayn queries. "It's just, I trust our guys to make sure he gets out safe."
Paul nods. “Sure.”
"I'll pay for their later flight or if they want to come tomorrow, I’ll pay for their hotel." Zayn says.
"It's not gonna be hard to find a volunteer with a bargain like that." Paul jokes.
Zayn grins, thanking Paul before heading back over to Harry. Harry lifts his head up from Niall's shoulder the moment Zayn reaches them, accepting the hug Zayn gives him.
"I love you." Zayn says against his ear.
Harry holds on tighter. "Good, 'cause you're all I want."
There's a noise behind them and Zayn knows it’s the guys getting ready to go through security. He tightens his grip around Harry, pressing his lips just below the other lad’s ear.
"I'll be fine, promise." Harry tells him, burying his face in Zayn's neck.
"I know." Zayn whispers, scared his voice will crack if he speaks louder. "I'll ring you when I land, okay?"
Harry nods, finally pulling away after a few minutes. Zayn trails his hand down Harry's bare arm until he reaches his hand, letting go slowly like in the end of a soppy movie. He looks over to Paul, who’s got one of the younger security guys, Kyle, stood next to him.
"Kyle is gonna help you get out, okay?" He tells Harry, finally letting go.
Harry nods, stepping away from Zayn to make his way over to Kyle. Zayn punches Niall in the shoulder when he finds the Irish lad smiling at him fondly.
"Ready to get back to shitty English weather?" He asks, as they both head behind the others towards security.
"Not really." Niall replies. "But I’m ready for the sold out show we get to play tomorrow night, and every night for the next six months."
Zayn nudges his shoulder against the other lad’s, grinning. He looks over his shoulder at the last moment before they go through the doors, finding Harry with his arms wrapped around himself, a small smile on his lips.
*
Zayn has a week of sold out shows at the O2, there are two at the very start of the tour and five to end off the UK part of the tour. Harry’s promised to fly over to London to be present for the last five. Only he misses his flight the first night, can't get a flight until late the next night and ends up too exhausted to come to the third.
Zayn tries his best to put his all in to the shows, not wanting to give the fans a shit show just because his boyfriend is being a bit of a prat. By the fourth show, he's especially pissed. Mostly because Harry had turned up drunk only minutes before Zayn was due to go on. The show is god awful, he's got no concentration. His mic broke at one point and he literally wanted to sit down on the stage and cry in front of twenty thousand people.
When he gets off the stage, it's not much better. Harry's still drunk, only now he's shirtless and attempting to get Liam to sing nursery rhymes with him. Zayn drops himself on to the couch next to Louis angrily, wanting to go back to their apartment and dump Harry in the shower until he's sobered up.
"How was the show?" Louis asks.
Zayn huffs in mock amusement. "Don't ask."
"That bad, huh?" Louis offers a sad smile.
Zayn drops his head on to the back of the couch, tying to holding himself together, so as not to yell at Harry who is currently singing 'twinkle, twinkle, little star' loudly and out of tune.
"You two have always had some weird connection." Louis says. "If one of you is off, the other is always affected by it."
"I would have been fine if I hadn't seen him before the show." Zayn admits.
"You're the one that asked me to bring him, Z." Louis reminds him. "I warned you he wasn't in the best shape."
"I know." Zayn answers, lifting his head back up. "I wanted to see him."
A silence overcomes them, both watching Liam detach himself from Harry and hide in the bathroom, followed by Harry dancing on his own ridiculously.
"He's nervous about seeing his mum again." Louis says.
Zayn sighs, tugging his fingers through his hair. "I completely forgot about that, I’m such a shit boyfriend."
"You're not a shit boyfriend." Louis promises. "You've been busy but now that you’ve been reminded, maybe you know how to calm him down."
Zayn doesn't reply, instead he heaves himself up from the couch and across the room to his boyfriend. Harry beams when he notices him, eyes glazed.
"Let's get you home, eh?” Zayn questions, picking up Harry's discarded shirt from the floor and slipping it over his head.
"I missed your show." Harry frowns as Zayn slips his arms in to the t-shirt.
Zayn shrugs, tugging the shirt down over Harry's body. "Didn't miss much, trust me."
"Do better tomorrow?" Harry slurs.
Zayn kisses him softly, wincing when he gets a stale taste of the vodka. "Better tomorrow."
Liam's joined Louis on the couch when Zayn looks over. Louis’s legs are thrown over Liam's thighs and they're lost in some deep conversation, about something Zayn probably doesn't want to know about.
"I'm gonna take the misfit home." Zayn announces to the room, tugging Harry's arm over his shoulder.
Louis looks up from where his head was bowed close to Liam's to look over at them. "I'll come check on him tomorrow, yeah?"
"Bring his favourite breakfast, please." Zayn bats his eyes until Louis nods in agreement.
Then he drags Harry out of the room, the free arm not holding his boyfriend, pulling his phone from his pocket to get a lift home from Ian.
*
Harry's nervous, he knows Harry's nervous because he's being extra irritating. It's a two hour drive from London to their hometown and the entire drive Harry had found some way to annoy Zayn. By the time they're pulling up outside Harry's family home, he's ready to murder the other boy.
"You're gonna need to calm down before we go in there, babe." Zayn warns him.
Harry's staring out of the window, at the house the two of them spent most of their childhood making memories in. "I'm not sure I can do this."
“Hey…” Zayn drags his fingers across Harry's chin, pulling his face to look at him. "I know it's scary but you can do it. I'm here, okay? If you need anything, if you need to leave, you just tell me."
Harry's breathing shakily, like he does before one of his attacks. “Z…”
"In and out." Zayn reminds him, mimicking with his own slow breath in and out.
Harry does his own slow breath in and out and Zayn smiles at him proudly, giving him a kiss in praise.
"I can do this." He says with another breath in and out.
"You can do this." Zayn agrees.
It takes them another few minutes to get the courage to get out of the car. Harry's hand instantly finds Zayn's as they walk up the path, grip so tight that Zayn is sure he'll have finger imprints on his hand for days.
"You can do this." He repeats quietly as Harry reaches for the doorbell.
It's almost as if they both stop breathing for a moment when they hear the sound of the lock coming off the door. A loud exhale being released from Harry when Gemma appears on the other side.
"Hey." She beams. "You made it."
"Almost didn't, this one drives like a nuttier.” Harry comments, grinning over at Zayn.
"Not all of us learned to drive before the legal age." Zayn teases back.
"That was Louis' fault." Harry protests.
"Yeah, sure." Zayn nods his head, amused smile on his lips.
When he looks back at Gemma, she's got her own amused smile on her lips, only hers is far more fond. She pulls open the door wider when she notices both of them have finished talking. Harry walks in first, which surprises Zayn.
"Everyone's in the garden." Gemma explains, shutting the door behind them.
This time Harry doesn't move and it falls on Zayn to lead the way, following the voices coming from through the open patio door. There's more people than expected when they finally get in to the garden and Harry's death grip on his hand is actually painful now.
"Harry." Anne breathes from her seat at the center of the circle of people.
"I..." Harry starts but the sentence gets lost in the air somewhere.
"Get them some seats." Anne orders, looking at the two lads sat down.
One of the lads moves instantly, standing up and disappearing to the shed for a minute before appearing with two collapsable chairs. Zayn smiles thankfully, taking one with his free hand. Harry takes the other and they set their chairs up in the small space left in the circle of people.
Gemma sits down next to the guy who had gone to get the chairs. Her hand is resting on his thigh, letting Zayn know that's her fiancé.
"So..." He starts awkwardly, looking around the circle.
"Congrats on the sold out tour, man." Ashton says with a genuine smile. "How's it going?"
"Thanks." Zayn replies. "It's a little crazy but its been fun so far."
Harry tugs their entwined hand on to his lap, a proud smile on his lips when Zayn glances over at him.
"Is it a world tour or just the UK?" Anne pipes up.
"It's a world tour." Zayn nods to her. "I've just finished the UK part, we've got a few days break and then we go to Germany to start the European part."
"And Harry, do you go with him?" Anne asks cautiously.
Harry's eyes are a little wide and he’s glancing at Zayn likes he's not sure he's ready to make conversation. Zayn squeezes his hand, leaning in so their shoulders are touching.
"Sometimes he comes to visit me for a few days." Zayn informs her. "But he's got tattoo studios all over the place that he needs to take care of so he can't really be following me around."
"Gemma told me about the tattoo thing." Anne says. "It's an interesting choice of career."
This time it's Zayn's hand that tightens the grip, waiting to come to Harry's defense.
"You must be talented." The guy who Zayn assumes is Robin from the way Anne has her arm resting on his shoulder, comments.
"People seem to like my work." Harry shrugs. "It was either that or becoming a chef."
"We're still thinking of opening a restaurant when this whole singing thing goes to pot." Zayn jokes.
"Let's hope not." Ashton says. “Whose songs would my little sister murder in the shower every morning then?”
Gemma swats at his shoulder, mumbling something in a scolding tone.
Zayn laughs. "I guess a lot of young girls would be disappointed, they'd probably have to go back to Bieber."
"You're far better than Bieber, babe." Harry frowns.
"You have to say that." Zayn smiles at him. "You're biased."
"You are better, man." The guy beside Robin comments. "Trust me, my mates can't stand that Canadian kid but they're always blasting your music."
Zayn nods thankfully. "I feel like all we're doing is talking about me, let's change the subject."
"Are we having food?" Harry asks, causing a laugh to erupt from everyone in the circle.
It's easier after that, like it was with Gemma. Everyone makes conversation easily, all informing one another what they'd been up to for the past four years. Zayn ends up detaching himself from Harry about an hour in, heading in to the kitchen with Robin's son (the guy who had complimented his music) to get the food for the BBQ.
"So when do you think it's all gonna blow up?" Mike asks, collecting the burgers and sausages from the counter.
Zayn picks up some of the buns and shrugs. "Why would it all kick off?"
"I know all about what happened, man." Mike shrugs. "There's no reason for that kid to be back here, other than to get his own back."
"That just shows you know nothing about my Harry." Zayn replies harshly.
"I'm not trying to be disrespectful." Mike explains. "It's just that if I were in his shoes or even your shoes, the only reason I would have contact with any of them, would be to tell them what low life sons of bitches they are."
Zayn could agree but it's what Harry wants, what he needs, so he's going to disagree until his heart agrees. "I guess we aren't inclined that way."
"All power to you then.” Mike nods, picking up a pack of beer to go along with the food in his other hand.
He heads back out to the garden then and Zayn has to take a few minutes to collect himself before he follows. Harry's lips are worried between his teeth, looking over at him from where he's chatting to Gemma and Anne. Zayn offers a reassuring smile, making sure it's not fake because Harry would read it from a mile off.
"Zayn?" Robin calls, patting the chair next to him.
Zayn puts the bread rolls on the opposite end to the BBQ that Mike had put the burgers and sausages before taking a seat.
"Anne and I were wondering...” Robin starts.
Zayn raises his eyebrows.
"If you and Harry would like to stay the night?" He asks. "That way you could have a few drinks, drive back to London in the morning."
Zayn looks across the garden at Harry, who's now lost in conversation with his mum. "I wish we could but Harry's got a morning session tomorrow, we need to be back for it."
Robin nods his head in understanding, easily slipping in to conversation about the football game between Man U and Chelsea that was on the night previous. Zayn finds himself half listening, half checking on Harry whose face seems to be a contrast of emotions as he chats to his mother.
When Mike starts dishing out the food, he uses it as an excuse to break away from Robin and head over to his boyfriend.
"Everything okay?" He asks, resting a gentle hand on Harry's hip.
Harry's got tears in his eyes but he's smiling. "She apologised, for everything, and I think she really meant it."
"That's great, babe." Zayn beams, tugging Harry in to a hug. "Happy tears, then?"
"Very happy tears." Harry sniffles, clinging to him.
“Food’s getting cold, lovebirds." Mike calls, causing the two to pull apart.
Zayn wipes Harry's tears away with his thumbs, then leads the younger lad back over to their chairs. Taking the two plates of food Anne offers them with an easy smile.
They stay until it's dark and before Zayn's too exhausted to drive home. Zayn waits by the patio door as Harry says his goodbyes, having offered his own goodbye to the whole group at once. He watches as Harry hugs his mum, in the same way he had when Harry was fourteen and much shorter than her. Zayn’s still amazed by how his boyfriend, at almost six foot in height, manages to make himself look so small in other people's arms.
"Come back and see us, you don't even have to call." Anne tells them as Harry makes his way over to Zayn. "Just turn up on the doorstep if you want, as long as you come back."
Zayn nods, with a polite smile, taking his boyfriend's hand in his own. Harry offers one last goodbye and a wave before he allows Zayn to lead him out.
"You okay?" Zayn asks, once they're back in the comfort of their car.
Harry nods, head resting on the back of the seat as he looks over at Zayn. "Thank you, for making me come."
"Can't make you do anything you don't want to do, babe." Zayn says as he starts the car.
"Thank you for being supportive then." Harry restates. "I love you."
"Good." Zayn replies, putting the car in to first before pulling off. "'cause you're all I want."
*
It's the last show of the tour and it's one of the biggest crowds he's played for. Louis and Niall haven't been doing anything to help his nerves, teasing him about ways he could fuck it up. Liam's trying his best to keep Zayn calm, making him tea and letting him rehearse an hour early because Zayn wants it to be perfect.
Zayn's still buzzing though, he's on edge, even at the meet and greet. When these lovely people are complimenting him in a language they can barely speak, he's bouncing where he's stood. They offer him gifts, ones that he knows he won't be allowed half of because of Liam’s stupid rule. 'No food, no drinks and nothing that could possibly poison you.'. Even the gorgeous bouquet of flowers this really cute guy gives him gets chucked in the rubbish. Though Zayn's sure Harry had something to do with that.
He can't seem to calm down and it's half an hour before he's got to go on. If he doesn't calm down soon, he's gonna end up having a heart attack before he gets on stage.
Harry's trying his best, bless him, offering massages, drink remedies, vocal practice, anything he can think of that could possibly calm Zayn down. Nothing works.
Until Niall wanders in, dressed ready for the show and guitar already strapped across his body. Harry lights up and drags Zayn from the couch.
"What?" Zayn complains. "Haz, if I do anymore vocal practice, I’m not gonna have a voice left."
"Just stay there." Harry tells him, heading over to Niall.
Zayn makes an impatient noise while Niall and Harry have a whispered conversation. Harry's grinning when he makes his way back over to him, positioning Zayn so they're stood next to each other. Zayn looks over at him confused until Niall starts to play the opening to 'Tragedy' by Steps. The look of confusion then turns positively murderous.
“No, no way." He shakes his head.
Harry starts the doing the steps they both know so well, to the dance they both created when they were eight. It takes a moment of embarrassment and laughing at Harry, until Zayn finally decides to join in.
Liam and Louis wander in during the chorus, when Zayn and Harry are really getting in to it. Niall throws his phone at Louis and demands the event in front of them be recorded, if for nothing but blackmail purposes.
"You're an idiot." Zayn tells Harry when the song ends.
Harry tugs Zayn to him by his belt loops and says. "Got you smiling though."
"I love you." Zayn smiles fondly.
"Good." Harry kisses his cheek. "Cause'" Another kiss to his other cheek. "You're" A kiss to his nose. "All" A kiss to the corner of his lips. "I." Harry lips brush against Zayn's. "Want."
Louis makes a noise, causing both of them to look over at him. "You make me sick with your love."
"Says the guy who's currently attached to Liam like a limpet." Zayn points out.
Louis looks down to his arms around Liam's waist and then up at Liam. "Promise me we'll never be like that."
"I can't promise you that." Liam replies, blush droning his cheeks the moment he says it.
Louis makes another sick noise but still leans up to brush his lips across Liam's, smiling like someone just handed him the world on a platter.
"I'm feeling single." Niall complains, heading out of the room, more than likely in search of the tech hand Zayn saw him chatting up earlier.
"Still nervous?" Harry asks, hands now hooked around Zayn's waist.
Zayn shrugs. "A little."
"You'll be amazing." Harry assures him. "What's an extra five thousand people?”
"The size of our comprehensive school." Zayn retorts. "Remember how sick I was before I went on for the talent show?"
Harry nods, tugging him closer so there's no room between them. "I remember how amazing you did once you were on stage too. Once you're singing, you don't even notice the crowd. I know you."
Zayn smiles a little, the nervous feeling still tugging at his gut. "I guess."
*
The show does go well, amazing in fact. Harry was right, once he was on stage he didn't even think about the crowd being bigger. He just went in to his usual stage presence, joking with Niall and the rest of the band between songs, just enjoying himself.
That is, until they're near the end of the encore song. The lights in the entire arena go out and Zayn's left stranded at the end of the runway, without his microphone or ear piece working.
Just when he thinks he's about to have one of Harry's panic attacks, one of the spot lights come on. Zayn thinks it's one of the stage hands, being guided down the stage to come and collect him.
Except he notices the figure, the one dressed in a suit, currently walking towards him. The one with a microphone in his hand, grinning that nervous grin he does when he knows something Zayn doesn't.
"Hiiii babe." Harry says and the crowd around them goes insane.
Zayn shakes his head, having no clue what's going on.
"Now I know you don't like extravagance, you like things to be small and simple." Harry starts, walking down the runway towards him. "But I’m the opposite, I love big extravagant gestures. You can blame Louis for that.”
Zayn laughs, imagining Louis' mischievous face nodding in agreement.
"So I thought,” Harry continues, closer now. "How do I get my extravagant gesture and still keep it small and simple for you and then it hit me….what’s more extravagant than a proposal in front of twenty five thousand people?”
Zayn's breath gets caught in his throat.
"And what's more small and simple than having me just ask you?” Harry finishes, now stood in front of him.
Zayn smiles, seeing the emotions already getting the better of his boyfriend. Harry's hand is shaking as he holds it out, waiting until Zayn slips his own in to it before he drops to one knee.
"Zayn Javadd Malik, will you marry me?" He asks, that stupid grin still present on his lips.
"Can't exactly say no." Zayn laughs when Harry glares at him. "Of course I will, you idiot."
Harry slips his free hand in to the pocket of the suit jacket and then his eyes go wide. "Oh shit."
The whole arena erupts in to laughter, with Zayn laughing along with them. He tugs on Harry's hand until he's standing and kisses him, not caring if twenty five thousand people are watching. Harry's smiling when they part, squeezing tightly at Zayn's hand that is now clutched in his. Zayn takes the microphone from Harry's hand, thanks everyone for an amazing night and then leads his boyfriend fiancé off stage.
Louis jumps on them the moment they come off. "How could you forget the ring, you idiot?”
Harry catches the box thrown at his chest. Zayn just laughs, still gripping tightly to Harry's hand, suddenly afraid that if he lets go he might lose him somehow.
"Shall we do it properly?" Harry asks, dropping back down on to his knee.
This time it's just their own little friend-made family watching, along with some crew. Zayn likes this better, it's more intimate, more made for just them.
"I know you want to kill me for what I just did." Harry says. "I know you probably really want to say no now because you think I don't know you at all. But I actually have a celebratory dinner planned, that includes a rented out restaurant with only five VIP on the list to get in."
Zayn smiles at that.
"So even if you might want to say no, could you say yes just so I don't like a knob in front of all these nice people?"
"If I say yes, will you stop trying to be funny?" Zayn asks.
Harry nods.
"Yes, you idiot." Zayn nods as well, this time with his own glossy eyes. "I feel like I’m signing a life sentence but of course it's a yes."
This time Harry slips a ring on to his finger and this time when they kiss, he's aware of the people clapping and cheering around them. He buries his face into Harry's chest afterwards, trying to not let anyone see that he actually has emotions.
*
They're all drunk, there had been a complimentary bottle of champagne from the restaurant but Harry wasn't content with that, he bought a bottle per person and they had drunk every single one. The karaoke that Harry had set up as a joke is now being murdered by Louis and Liam's drunk rendition of 'No Air' by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown.
Zayn's watching from his place in the booth, Harry curled up between his legs and a passed out Niall on the table opposite. Liam keeps getting the words wrong and Louis keeps scowling at him, demanding they go back to the start until they get it right.
Harry's twirling the ring around on Zayn's finger as he holds it in his own hand. "Are you happy?"
"Ecstatic." Zayn answers, pressing a kiss to Harry's head.
"I mean, with the proposal?" Harry questions nervously. "You didn't hate it?"
"It's not the way I would have done it." Zayn replies honestly. "But it was very you and that's why I loved it, only you would manage to make it so we both got the perfect proposal."
"You really want to spend forever making up dance moves to cheesy 90's pop songs?"
"If that's what you want from forever, I’d be there." Zayn nods, resting his head down on top of Harry's and tightening his grip around him. "I love you."
"Good." Harry replies, resting his face against Zayn's arm. "'Cause you're all I want."