Work Text:
Jasper Jordan to Adventure Squad: Not to be extra, but I'm pretty sure Bellamy's advisor is in love with my anatomy prof
And I ship it
I ship it so hard
Just Miller: Do we need to have a talk about how creepy it is to ship real people?
Monty Green: We've had that intervention before
Many times
There were diagrams involved
And a quiz at the end
Jasper Jordan: You know what this calls for
Monty Green: i know what you're thinking and no
Octavia Blake: i don't know what you're thinking and no
Jasper Jordan: PARENT TRAP
Murphy left the group
Raven Reyes added Murphy to the group
Bellamy Blake: Even if Kane is into someone, he doesn't need our help
He's an adult
A real one
Not like all of you
Just Miller: stfu blake
Raven Reyes: isn't jasper's anatomy prof....
Clarke Griffin: My mom
Yeah
Just Miller: o shit
Monty Green: ... this just got more interesting
Jasper Jordan: I went to her office hours
Because I'm kind of failing
(related: your mom is a hardass, Clarke)
But Kane was there and they were going at it
Raven Reyes: Define 'going at it'
In G-rated terms
Jasper Jordan: Arguing
Get your mind out of the gutter Reyes
Raven Reyes: You're one to talk
Jasper Jordan: Remember how Bellamy and Clarke used to be at trivia night?
It was like that, but Next Level
& Kane was lowkey giving her puppy dog eyes
& he got all flustered when i showed up
Like he was caught red handed doing something i wasn't supposed to see
Like FLIRTING
Bellamy Blake: You realize this evidence is incredibly biased right?
Jasper Jordan: THEY'RE IN LOVE
#ParentTrap2k17
Octavia Blake: STILL NO
Monty Green: ...
...
... I might be down to a maybe now
Clarke Griffin: ...same
* * *
Bellamy Blake to Clarke Griffin: Are you for real?
Clarke Griffin: She hasn't really dated since dad
I think taking the teaching job has been good for her
I think this could be good for her too
Plus she's like me. We bicker to show affection
Bellamy Blake: You know you basically just told me you like me.
Clarke Griffin: We also fight people we hate
It's a fine line
* * *
Bellamy Blake to Adventure Squad: To be clear, I am NOT in favor of a parent trap.
However...
Jasper Jordan: PARENT TRAP
IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING
DREAMS DO COME TRUE
Just Miller removed Jasper Jordan from the group
Monty Green added Jasper Jordan to the group
Jasper Jordan: Rude, Nathan
Just Miller: Bite me, Jordan
Monty Green: Hey???
But also @Jasper if you don't find some chill I'm figuring out a way to disable your caps lock
Jasper Jordan: Lowercase texting can never properly express the range of my emotions Monjamin
Bellamy Blake: Anyways. Professor Kane.
Octavia Blake: Not you too Bell
Bellamy Blake: He may have accidentally CC'ed me on an email to her.
Force of habit probably.
It wasn't that incriminating but it was pretty friendly.
He sent her a link to a Ted Talk they'd been discussing at some point.
Monty Green: A romance for the ages
Jasper Jordan changed the name of the group to Ted Talk Dirty To Me
Clarke Griffin changed the name of the group to Adventure Squad
Clarke Griffin: Did she respond?
Bellamy Blake: If she did, she saw my email and took me off the chain.
For which I am grateful.
Octavia Blake: None of this warrants a parent trap tho
Bellamy Blake: And I said I wasn't in favor of one.
I am in favor of offering to set Kane and Dr. Griffin up.
Not tricking them into falling in love.
Nothing convoluted.
Clarke Griffin: ^agree
Raven Reyes: I don't have the time for complicated scheming anyway
Monty Green: ^agree
Just Miller: and I don't care enough for complicated scheming anyway
Octavia Blake: ^agree
Jasper Jordan: I can't believe I'm friends with a bunch of Disney Villains who hate true love
* * *
Clarke Griffin to Monty Green: What did Jasper mean 'it's *finally* happening'?
Monty Green: He's always wanted to parent trap someone
He had a big crush on Lindsay Lohan when we were kids
Clarke Griffin: I was more of an Amanda Bynes girl myself
Monty Green: Hilary Duff > everyone else
But anyway
You remember that time in high school we all went camping for Wells's birthday
And Jasper somehow
All by himself
Got Jaha Sr.'s mattress out in the lake?
Clarke Griffin: omg i forgot about that
How did I now know Jasper was this obsessed with the parent trap?
How has he never tried this before on anyone else?
Monty Green: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
All we can really do is ride it out
Clarke Griffin: Ok but if he puts a lizard in my mom's hair I'm murdering him
Monty Green: Fair
* * *
Jasper Jordan to Monty Green: I WOULD NEVER
For one thing I'd definitely fail anatomy
That's the wrong side of the trap anyway. That's the marriage they're trying to break up not the one they're trying to make happen
Monty Green: I just know you
And whatever you're planning
Make sure you weigh how much you want to carry it out against how scary Clarke can be
Jasper Jordan: yeah, point taken. I'll try to tone it down
* * *
Nathan Miller to Monty Green: Do you think parent trapping Kane and Clarke's mom will get Jasper to finally drop the other parent trap plan?
Monty Green: Not a chance
* * *
Raven Reyes to Adventure Squad: Update:
I asked Abby what she thinks about Kane today
Jasper Jordan: OMG
Octavia Blake: How tf did you work that into conversation
Raven Reyes: I was v smooth
I told her I was thinking about taking a poli sci class next semester
Bellamy Blake: Are you?
Raven Reyes: Hell no
Even if the dude who teaches intro is *fire emoji*
Bellamy Blake: Roan Prince???
Clarke Griffin: Don't act like you wouldn't hit that
Bellamy Blake: No comment
Raven Reyes: ANYWAYS i asked if she knew any of the profs and she said she knew the department head
And that he was quote 'an engaging speaker with some interesting ideas' end quote
Bellamy Blake: You could just use the quotes you know
Instead of spelling it out for us
Monty Green: I'm not convinced that means anything on her part
She thinks he's a good teacher
So what
Raven Reyes: It was more *how* she said it
And the smile on her face
Jasper Jordan changed the name of the group to She Wants the PhD
Just Miller changed the name of the group to Sleep with one eye open, Jordan
* * *
Clarke Griffin to Raven Reyes: You really think she likes him?
Raven Reyes: She doesn't *not* like him
I think she likes him enough that if we set her up on a blind date with him she wouldn't hate it
You sure you're ok with this?
Clarke Griffin: Yeah 100%
I mean it's weird how invested Jasper is in it
But other than that
Raven Reyes: There's a girl in one of my labs I want to set him up with
Maybe if he had a love life of his own he'd stop fixating on everyone else's
Clarke Griffin: Who else's love life is he fixating on?
Raven Reyes: No one's
Figure of speech
Clarke Griffin: uh huh.
* * *
Bellamy Blake to O: How am I going to bring this up to Kane?
O: Lmao you're the one who encouraged this
You have no one to blame but yourself
Bellamy Blake: Thanks as always for your support
O: It's what I'm here for
What have you come up with so far?
Bellamy Blake: I brought a bottle of whisky to the office last Friday when I knew we'd both be there until late
O: alcohol is a promising start
Bellamy Blake: I ended up drunk crying about how pretty Clarke's hair is
It wasn't good
I don't think he ever wants to talk to me about love lives again
O: You're a mess
Bellamy Blake: Tell me something I don't know
* * *
Raven Reyes to Kiddie Table: I think Clarke knows Jasper wants to parent trap her and Bellamy
Monty Green: Yeah she seemed kind of suspicious
I tried to distract her with former celebrity crushes but I'm not convinced it worked
Jasper Jordan: That's fine, Dennis Quaid and Natasha Richardson figured it out too
That didn't stop them from falling in love
Just Miller: ok but this is Clarke we're talking about
Jasper Jordan: u right
If she asks, i changed my name and moved to canada
Octavia Blake: If she asks outright we're telling her this was all your idea
Jasper Jordan: IF I GO DOWN I'M BRINGING ALL OF YOU WITH ME
* * *
Clarke Griffin to Sleep with one eye open, Jordan: So I'm at dinner with my mom
Just Miller: Alert the presses
Clarke Griffin: *middle finger emoji*
Just Miller: *kissy face emoji*
Clarke Griffin: And before I could even broach the subject myself
SHE brought up dating
Specifically how would I feel about her starting to do it
Jasper Jordan changed the name of the group to The Scholar-SHIP is Setting Sail!!!
Murphy changed the name of the group to why am i friends with any of you
Raven Reyes changed the name of the group to Adventure Squad
Jasper Jordan: You guys ruin all my fun
* * *
Bellamy Blake to Clarke Griffin: Did she say who she'd hypothetically be dating?
Clarke Griffin: No
We ended up talking about it more in the general sense
How she hasn't really dated since my dad
And doesn't remember how sort of
And how I'm no help at all because I never notice someone is into me until they make the first move
Bellamy Blake: Watch your mom be more competent at romance than you are
Clarke Griffin: Fuck you I'm very romantic
Bellamy Blake: Yeah you're right that convinced me
Clarke Griffin: I could sweep you off your feet Blake
Bellamy Blake: I'll believe it when I see it, Princess
* * *
Monty Green to Nathan Miller: how come you flirt with everyone in the group text except me, your actual boyfriend
Nathan Miller: *heart emoji* *flower emoji* *chocolate emoji*
Monty Green: it's a start
Nathan Miller: *eggplant emoji* *cactus emoji* *video game emoji*
Monty Green: that's more like it
Nathan Miller: I know what you're into
* * *
Bellamy Blake to Nathan: Do you know how to tie a bow tie
Nathan: http://www.wikihow.com/Tie-a-Tie
Bellamy Blake: I could have googled it myself, dick
Nathan: and instead you chose to text me
Why do you need to know how to tie a bow tie
Bellamy Blake: The university is having a fundraiser tonight
Kane is making me go
Nathan: you know who would probably be great at this kind of thing?
Clarke
Bellamy Blake: Don't start
Besides, she's busy tonight I checked
Nathan: Dude
Bellamy Blake: You don't have to tell me how pathetic i am
Trust me, i know
Nathan: You should go by her place after
Or get someone to send her a picture
I bet you look hot all dressed up
She should get to appreciate it
Bellamy Blake: Something good should come out of having to go to this thing
Nathan: I'm saying
* * *
Raven Reyes to Kiddie Table: RED ALERT
I'm at that fundraiser thing and SHIT IS GOING DOWN
Octavia Blake: Details asap!!!
Jasper Jordan: How come I never get invited to fancy parties
Raven Reyes: because you're an undergrad and not a robotics major who needs to earn $$$ for her department
So I see Bellamy talking to Kane and Roan (who REALLY knows how to work formal wear btw) so I go over
And right as I get there, so do BOTH OF THE GRIFFIN WOMEN
Jasper Jordan: omg
Just Miller: How much did Bellamy drool when he saw Clarke
Ballpark
Raven Reyes: So much
His jaw literally dropped
You'd think he'd never laid eyes on her before
Just Miller: he wants to lay something else on her tonight *smirk emoji*
Raven Reyes: She was blushing so much
Tbh it was kind of awkward
Kane definitely noticed. I think he thought it was cute
Octavia Blake: He knows Bell has a thing for Clarke
Monty Green: Aliens trillions of lightyears away know that Bellamy has a thing for Clarke
They aren't subtle
Raven Reyes: I think Abby caught on too
Roan and I peaced out pretty quick
And Kane escorted Abby to the bar for another drink
Under the pretext of giving our loser friends privacy
But that wouldn't have necessitated his hand on her back
Or her letting him buy her drinks the rest of the night
Just Miller: Get back to Bellamy and Clarke. What happened??
Raven Reyes: Well I don't know for sure but I told her she'd have the apartment to herself tonight
And she never texted me back
Octavia Blake: Wait Raven where are you texting this from?
Raven Reyes: I may have let Roan take me home ;)
Just Miller: Please tell me you didn't pause in the middle of getting laid for this
Raven Reyes: Please, Nathan. I have my priorities straight
* * *
Nathan Miller to Bellamy Blake: Dude you didn't come home last night
Just lmk you're not dead in a ditch or smth
Bellamy Blake: Confirmed
Nathan Miller: ....okay but where are you
Bellamy Blake: Let's just say Clarke very much appreciated my tux
And something good did come out of it
Nathan Miller: Hell yes
Are you still at her place?
Bellamy Blake: Like I'd leave before she got up
Like she'd get up before noon
I'm making pancakes and watching her Netflix
Nathan Miller: You never make me pancakes
Bellamy Blake: Maybe I would if you put out
Nathan Miller: Sorry Blake we're both taken now
Looks like you missed your chance
Bellamy Blake: Yeah sucks to be me :)
* * *
Jasper Jordan to Adventure Squad: Kane showed up at Dr. Griff's office hours again!
Right as I was leaving
Bellamy Blake: Not to alarm anyone but he told me he couldn't meet tonight because he had plans.
Octavia Blake: I may have seen them holding hands...
Jasper Jordan: OMG
Monty Green: ^He's going to be insufferable now, you guys know that right?
Just Miller: You can stay at mine for a few weeks
Monty Green: I wish that would be enough
Jasper Jordan changed the name of the group to 2/2 SUCCESSFUL PARENT TRAPS
Bellamy Blake: 2/2?
Jasper Jordan: omg
Jasper Jordan changed the name of the group to Adventure Squad
Clarke Griffin: I KNEW IT
Raven Reyes: smooth move jordan
Just Miller: who did I bet he'd be the one to spill the beans?
Octavia Blake: Me. $20 headed to your venmo
Just Miller: Pleasure doing business with you
Bellamy Blake: I can't believe you were all in on this
Clarke Griffin: I can
That sounds exactly like something they'd do
Bellamy Blake: Yeah you're right
I can't believe I didn't see it coming
Clarke Griffin: Yeah but you got the girl so you came out ahead
Bellamy Blake: Idk I'm a broke grad student. $20 sounds pretty good right now
Raven Reyes: Get a room
Or at least keep your flirting out of the group text
Bellamy Blake: Not a chance
Clarke Griffin: Yeah, you guys are getting what you deserve
And so are we
Bellamy Blake: Damn straight
Octavia Blake: This is nauseating
Just Miller: the worst
Monty Green changed the name of the group to No Flirting Zone
Raven Reyes: *obama 'it is law' gif*
Murphy: I'm getting a new phone and I'm not giving any of you my number.