Chapter Text
I grabbed my last box, something full of books that I had read over and over again before looking at my rom one last time.
I’d spent a good portion of my life here with JYPE, spent my teen years in this building, and now it was all over.
We was no longer signed to JYPE and the news broke that JYP had been mugged.
Of course there was no video of the thing happening, no way to identify the boys and the story was conflicting on whether or not it even happened in the office. The boys were in the clear and it seemed as if JYP wasn’t going to talk any time soon. He would keep up his end of the bargain, and we would get a new beginning.
“Nyoungie!” I heard and I turned my head to see Jaebum standing at the door.
“Hey, everyone’s ready to go, come on,” He spoke and I nodded, turning my back on the bed and the room that I’d had.
We were graciously moving to Big Hit, and while it wasn’t a big three company, at least they would be willing to take us. They’d already co-signed artists with JYPE so the deal wouldn’t have been as fishy and honestly, other companies weren’t really looking to have another group on the label, especially one raised by JYP, no one wanted to seem like a double crosser I guess. Then again, it could have been the fact that there seemed to be no reason for the move, in the eyes of the media. We were moving in the middle of the night, to keep the rumors at bay, and to make sure no one saw us, it was like how the battered wives did in those crime novels that I read.
I guess in a way, we had been battered by JYP.
I felt my eyes well up and I put the box down just inside of the door.
“Are you crying?” Jaebum asked and I nodded, covering my face.
“It’s stupid, but- it’s sad. I'm gonna miss it, this was our home, and I’ve caused us to leave, I'm just-” I swallowed and Jaebum pulled me into a hug.
“It is sad, it’s sad that this had to happen, but it’s not your fault Jinyoung, and I would rather leave the industry forever, than let this happen to you again.”
“Without him, we would have never-” I cut myself off, and he just squeezed me tighter. I didn't want to get sentimental about this place, about what JYP had done for me, but it was hard to look back on this time and think that if it hadn't been for JYP, I would have never met Jaebum.
“It’ll be okay, I promise it’ll be okay,”
“Are you guys crying?” I heard and I turned to see Jackson standing in the doorway.
“No, what do we look like, babies?” Jaebum asked and Jackson squeezed Jaebum’s cheeks.
“Ah aegyo,” He cooed and Jaebum knocked his hand away.
“You’re such a pain in the ass,” Jaebum hissed, wiping his face and Jackson slung his arm around my shoulders.
“Your boyfriend is a very ugly crier,” He commented and I scowled at him.
“So are you, now get out, we’re going to be late, move!” I spat and Jackson squealed again, poking my cheek.
“So aggressive, and here I thought Jaebummie was Appa, and you Eomma,”
“Aish, I swear!” Jaebum threatened, pushing Jackson through the door and chasing him out.
Jackson was so good at distracting us from sadness, usually, but I still felt heavy.
I grabbed the box again, wiping my face on my shoulder before looking back at my room.
This was the end of JYPE’s GOT7 and I wanted to be more happy about it.
I closed the door before following them out of the dorm and into the waiting car.
We didn’t have much we could take with us, only personal effects because a lot of the stuff belonged to JYP, and other things were just too big to actually move with us, like my bookcase.
Then again that was the nature of leaving quickly, you took what you absolutely needed so that you could rebuild, and you left behind the nonessentials.
“Maybe we’ll have new room assignments, do you think they’re going to try and break us up?” Bambam asked, nervously clutching Yugyeom’s hand.
Those two were inseparable, we could all have separate rooms, and they would somehow end up in each others room.
“What if I got to room with Namjoon, wouldn’t that be cool?” Jackson said and Mark punched his shoulder.
“Like Namjoon would even want to room with you, and you know that’s not how that works,” Mark teased.
“Well, you’d leave me to room with V,” Jackson teased back and I leaned back against the passenger seat in Jaebum’s car.
“Maybe we could move Nora in,” I offered and he smiled softly at the sentiment.
“No! I'm allergic to cats!” Youngjae called from the back.
“Well, maybe you can room with Yugyeom and Bambam,”
“Yeah, we don’t bite,” Yugyeom called.
“And we definitely won’t put cucumbers in you bed,” Bambam joked.
“Why! They’re going to kill me!” Youngjae complained and I let the car dissolve into madness with a small smile on my face.
We’d be okay.
“What happened?” Bang PD-nim asked as we sat in front of him.
Well, more like as Jaebum and I sat in front of him.
We’d left the other boys to get settled into the dorm because everything was starting fresh tomorrow, we would meet with all of the staff in the company, as well as trainees and find out a place for us musically and in their roster.
It would be our last free night.
“We felt unsafe with JYP,” Jaebum answered and I noticed that he hadn’t take his gloves off even though the heat was on in the building.
“Alright, I need to know whatever you’re comfortable with telling me, I don’t want any lawsuits, and I don’t want to do anything to make you all uncomfortable.” he explained and Jaebum cleared his throat.
“We’re not allowed to disclose everything, just- we want to make sure that staffs and producers don’t have private access to members,” Jaebum worded carefully.
“Of course not, we take abuse very seriously here, we would never even allow the inkling of that sort of thing,” Bang said and I watched as the man looked us over, and I wondered if he understood exactly what we were saying, because he looked like he understood exactly what we were saying.
He had worked for JYP after all, maybe he knew better than the rest of us.
“I'm gay.” I blurted out and Jaebum looked over at me like he was terrified of what just came out of my mouth. I could understand where that panic came from, because I was terrified of what just came out of my mouth.
We hadn’t ever discussed talking about that out loud, hell I didn’t even expect to say it. I didn't think I'd ever said it to anyone that wasn't the boys out loud.
“We won’t allow you to kick him out of the band, it’s all seven or none.” Jaebum defended quickly and Bang just shrugged.
“I don’t have a problem with it, I have artists training and performing who are perfectly fine with their orientations and living as such. If you don’t want to announce it, we won’t and I’ll be sure to keep that secret for you if that’s what you want, gay straight or whatever, talented is talented.” He explained and I bit my lip.
“It’s not just me, it’s well most of the band- we sort of uh-”
“It’s fine, I don’t care, talent is talent,” He said again and Jaebum gripped my hand, tears in his eyes.
“Really, that’s it?” He asked and Bang nodded.
“That’s it, anything else you need to tell me?” He asked and Jaebum cleared his throat.
“We- I think that it would be important to set up a therapist for some of our members, someone they can confide in confidentially, that won’t have their information in the news, unless they want to tell the news,” Jaebum spoke, authority in his voice and he nodded.
“Mental health is important, I’ll set it up for whoever you need me to, anything else?” Bang asked.
“No Bang PD-nim. Thank you for the opportunity, we won’t mess it up.”
“I don’t doubt it. Alright then, we’re good to go, welcome to Big Hit entertainment,” Jaebum shook the man’s hand before bowing deeply and I did the same shocked that it was that easy. I kept wanting to pinch myself because it- this was it, it was that easy.
We were free from JYP and we’d still be idols.
“I haven’t told my eomeoni yet, I don’t- I don’t know if I should,” I whispered as we walked out of the office and to the dorms.
The air was crisp and chilly, and the end of the year was quickly approaching, Bambam still had the Good Girl, Bad Girl schedule approaching, and then we would have a break for the holidays.
When we got back, we’d probably be in the studio, planning for a comeback, hopefully by March.
So much to do and so little time.
But it still felt like a beginning.
“Do you want to tell her?” He asked and I shrugged, leaning my head on his shoulder.
“I should, she should know the truth, but what if she looks at me differently- if she decides that I'm too dirty now?” I mused and he gripped the back of my neck.
“She’s your eomeoni, she loves you, she’ll be furious of course, she’ll want to burn the man, but she won’t hate you,” He explained and I just looked up at the inky sky as we walked back to our new home in silence.
Maybe Jaebum was right.
Maybe I should tell her.
I walked the halls, trying to find the conference room where we were supposed to be meeting everyone. I'd been late because I was on the phone with my eomma, telling her some of the information. I didn't want to tell her everything over the phone because although it would have been easier, it would have hurt her far too much to receive news like that over the phone.
I'd just told her that Got7 moved to BigHit, and that we couldn't talk about the information yet, but my first break, I’d come home and explain everything. That was going to be a tough one.
I know that Jaebum kept telling me I was so strong, but I felt like a coward not being able to tell her.
I'd do it though, I'd work up the courage.
“Jinyoung-ssi!” I heard and I turned quickly to see Namjoon walking up the hallway towards me.
“Namjoon-ssi,” I bowed to the man and he shook my head.
“You don't have to call me that. I'm really excited to see you guys in the label, you're very talented,” he started and I bowed my head to him.
“Thank you. Your group as well.”
It was awkward for a couple of moments before Namjoon cleared his throat.
“Your boys are responsible for the 'mugging’?” He asked and I sputtered.
How did he put it together?
We were careful.
“He hurt you guys?” Namjoon asked and I bit my lip, looking away from him. How could I even answer that question?
“That bad?” he asked and I swallowed, trying to work up an answer.
“Not all of us, but it was pretty bad. Did Bang send you to find that out?” I asked and he shook his head.
“No, I noticed that JB hyung didn't take off his gloves last night and Yugyeom had a busted lip. you all are being so tight lipped and circling each other. It had to be pretty bad,” he spoke like he was deducing something, like he was some type of Sherlock and I wished he'd let it go.
“So what, are you going to tell?” I crossed my arms defensively. We would have to leave, there was no way Bang would want us if he knew we'd gotten violent with JYP.
We would be out, and no one else would want us.
I would have ruined it for all of us.
“No, I'm not going to say anything. I don't know what he did you you guys but I- I don't know what I would do if someone tried to hurt one of my members.”
“You do what you've got to do, leader or not,” I whispered before looking up the hallway at the sound of my name being called.
“There you go, I was looking for you,” Jaebum called, his hand coming to rest on the back of my neck as he neared me.
“Let's go,” he spoke, wrangling me to the conference room, Namjoon a couple of steps behind us.
“Jackson's going to be so jealous you were talking to Namjoon,” Jaebum teased and I smacked his shoulder.
“More importantly, were you jealous?”
“Me?”
“Yeah, to see me hugged up to another leader.”
“You’ve got a leader fetish, me, Hyunwoo hyung, Namjoon,” he listed off and I pushed him.
He pulled me back to him before opening the door of the conference room.
I had a ton of things to worry about, learning new dance routines, learning new songs, learning new names and faces, and telling my mom about what happened with JYP, but all of that seemed like no big deal when my boys were next to me.
‘Hey Jinyoung,’ I heard and I looked up to see Jaebum standing in the door of our new shared room.
I hadn’t had to share a room since before we were officially Got7.
He sat on the edge of his bed and I put down my book, wondering what he was coming to ask me.
We’d been here at Big Hit for a little more than two weeks, and our winter holiday was coming up quickly.
I wasn’t sure if they were even going to let us go home for the holiday, considering that we were new to the company, but I really hoped so.
As much as I dreaded seeing my eomeoni and telling her about it, i really just wanted to be home for a couple of days.
“I'm sorry that you haven’t had a break in a while, me and JYP had discussed-”
“Sending me home for a weekend, Yeah I know. I'm glad he didn't, I would have worried too much about what he was doing to the maknae, I wouldn’t have gotten any rest,” I interrupted and his face dropped into a frown.
“JYP told you I talked to him?” He asked and I shook my head.
“no, I heard the conversation,” I said before realising that there was no reason I should have heard the conversation unless I was in the room and that I was about to reveal to Jaebum just how disgusting I was.
“Forget I said anything,” I picked up my book, trying to bury my nose in it, and he snatched it away from me.
“Jinyoung, how did you know about that conversation?” He asked, his serious voice on.
“It doesn’t matter, does it Jaebum, it’s all over now, it’s not a big deal. Please just drop it,” I pleaded, behind my hands.
“Jinyoung, were you in the room?”
“Yes, I was under the table, sucking him off, is that what you wanted to hear? Please leave me alone.” I whimpered and he got up from the bed, his fists clenched before sitting beside me.
I pushed him away and he just wrapped his arms around me.
“I was there and I-”
“You didn’t know Jaebum, it’s not your fault.”
“I should’ve killed that man.”
“Then you’d be in jail, and I would be crazy without you, It’s.. it’s over now, I promise.”
It was quiet and he grabbed my hand in his, squeezing it tight like he was trying to keep me from falling apart.
It was the thought that counted.
“Did you tell your eomeoni yet?” He asked and I shook my head.
“I haven’t had the chance, I only got to tell her about the move, I want to wait to tell her everything that happened there when I get to go home on break.” I answered and he nodded before leaning his head on my shoulder.
“You'll figure it out, nyoungie, I'm so proud of you,” he whispered and I tried to feel worthy of his praise.
The news broke before I had the chance to tell her.
It was after the KBS broadcast, and after the roman calendar New Year when the world found out what kind of man JYP was. It was kind of insane the way it dropped, with leaked photos of underaged trainees and an explicit video of a current idol, Wonpil.
The media swarmed him, and though people speculated that was why we moved to Big Hit, Bang made sure we never had to answer those questions.
We didn’t get to go on break like we thought we would, because it was too suspicious to send us home when all of this mess was happening, because there was no way to contain it all with us all over the world.
My phone rang and I looked down at the caller ID.
It was my eomeoni.
My hand hovered over the call button and I watched it ring until it went to voicemail.
It lit up again and I debated just turning it off before seeing that it was Hyunwoo hyung.
I answered, holding the phone up to my ear.
“Who was it, Jinyoung?” He asked as soon as I answered.
“What?”
“Who did he hurt?” He asked and I swallowed.
“I don’t know those trainee kids,” i answered.
“No, in the group, who did he hurt?”
I felt like telling him to leave it alone, that no one in our group got hurt, and that we just moved because we wanted to. I wanted to lie to him like wonpil lied to me but that wasn’t fair and it wasn’t like he was some foreigner.
He was with us, he had been one of us, before it all went down, he knew us, he trained with us, he made me cry when he left me.
He had the right to know.
“Me and Bam,” I answered weakly and I heard him blow out a breath.
“I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t have left you like that, without-” He began and I took a deep breath.
“What are you talking about hyung?” I asked.
“he uh- he was being weird, that was why I decided to stop showing up, why I started shopping around. He was making me take off my shirt, and he wanted me to jerk off in front of him. I left after that. I should have- I should have told someone, but I figured it was just me, you know,” His voice sounded so small and shy.
As if Hyunwoo had anything to prove, as if he had to do that because he wasn’t already one of the most talented boys that we had.
JYP was so fucking stupid.
‘Now you and Bam were hurt, and everyone in South Korea knows about Wonpil, this shit, this shit is going to get messy.”
“I know, I know, we tried to get him to confess, we tried to stop it, we tried to call around and see if anyone would step up and say something. No one would.”
“You should have called me.” he answered.
“I didn’t- I didn’t think that you would- that something like that would have happened to you- I thought it was because I was- well you know.”
there was quiet on his side and I worried at my lip.
“I thought so too, when I left I thought that was the reason too,” He answered before I heard a voice in the background.
“I’ve got to go, I’ll talk to you later.”
“See you hyung,” I whispered before hanging up.
My phone began to ring again and I closed my eyes, realizing if I could reveal it to Hyunwoo, I could finally tell my Eomeoni.
I stepped into the dorm, finally back from Seollal holiday.
it was time to start over, time for us to start to go back to the grind, to start to train in earnest, to get ready for a comeback that was approaching quickly.
We’d all finally gotten to go home, back to our corners of the world, and part of me was worried that we’d never come back together again, like this was the end of an era, of a group, of a family.
But it was Seollal, that meant it was a time for new beginnings.
We were beginning again, and there was no telling what our future would hold, what we would be able to do.
JYP’s trial was coming up quickly and I’d agreed to testify, discreetly, even though I knew it would not be discreet for long. Putting him behind bars wouldn’t fix me, wouldn’t make me more complete, I knew that. I would still have episodes of spacing out, I would still feel dirty, and I would still try to reconcile what he did to me, and why he did to me what he did, but I knew that I would get better eventually, that was what the therapist said. I didn’t have to forgive him, and honestly, I never would, because how could I forgive him for wrecking me like that, for making me believe that what he was doing was okay, that it was okay for him to occupy my body without my consent? How could I forgive him for taking over me, for making my favorite parts of me my least favorite? I couldn’t and I wouldn’t and that was okay. I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to, I didn’t have to forgive him if I didn’t want to and that was okay. It was okay.
All I had to do, all I wanted to do was to start fresh with my friends, my brothers, my family. It was all seven or nothing, and we would never be nothing.
We were GOT7.