Chapter Text
“Hey Kara, do you want to come out for drinks tonight?”
Karamatsu frowned, but only slightly. He had just finished working for the day and was changing back into his street clothes as he pondered Hiroshi’s request. Any other night he would love to go out for drinks with his co-workers, but today was different. “My deepest apologies Hiroshi! I have a prior engagement. Perhaps we can go out another night?”
Hiroshi broke into a wide grin. “Did you finally get a girlfriend?”
“I must confess that my dashing good looks are too intense for the likes of any woman.” Karamatsu flipped the fringe of his hair. “I am spending the evening with Choromatsu.”
“Oh? I haven't seen Choro in forever. How has he been?”
Karamatsu paused. The last time Hiroshi had probably seen Choromatsu was right before… well a night that wasn't particularly happy. Not that Choromatsu had given any indication that anything was wrong. He had left work that day with the happiest smile. To think that Karamatsu had almost lost him that day. “Ah, he's been well.”
“Good! Tell him ‘hi’ from me. I'll see you tomorrow Kara!” Hiroshi picked up his bag and left. It was time for Karamatsu to leave as well.
As Karamatsu walked back out into the daylight, waving goodbye to his boss as he passed by, he felt just a bit melancholy. It wasn't strange that the events from that night were on his mind. In fact that was part of the reason why he had decided to hang out with Choromatsu tonight. Exactly one year ago on this very day, they had made a promise. Not a very good promise, and one that they had eventually broken. Perhaps the breaking of that promise was the best thing that had ever happened to them.
Yes, they had made a suicide pact. It felt so surreal to even think back on those events. At the time Karamatsu had felt so hopeless. That there was no future for him. That his existence in this world was a problem and the only way to solve that problem was to take himself out. Now he knew better, but those feelings had been so strong at the time. It was painful to reflect upon them.
Choromatsu had felt a similar way. Not for the same reasons, but he too had felt like he had no future. That he could never become an adult because of how his anxiety constantly paralyzed him. Seeing Choromatsu in so much pain had been hard, to the point that on several occasions Karamatsu had assumed the only way to save him was to kill himself and force Choromatsu to get help.
That had been very stupid. A lot of pain might've been avoided if Karamatsu had asked for help from the beginning. He wasn't really capable of asking for help back then. It was only by a stroke of luck that he even found out about Choromatsu’s suicidal intentions. Everything had come together in such a way that allowed them both to get help. Even then he had come very close to losing his brother.
At first he had nightmares that Choromatsu had jumped. It was terrifying. Those dreams, just like his constant thoughts of death and how he was worthless, had started to fade with time. It hadn't happened all at once, or even as fast as he wanted them to, but now there were days were those sorts of thoughts didn't occur to him at all.
He wasn't wearing a mask anymore. He was happy. Really happy. It was marvelous. Karamatsu found a skip in his step as he waltzed on home.
“Brothers! I have returned!” Karamatsu declared as he threw open the front door. Although by the shoes in the entrance that might have been a bit of an overstatement. It seemed like only Osomatsu was home. Everyone else must be out pursuing their daily activities, whatever those consisted of.
Still, when was the last time he got to hang out with just Osomatsu? He wasn't in the living room, so Karamatsu could only assume he was upstairs. He made his way up to the bedroom, throwing open the door with a flourish. “Osomatsu! Good afternoon."
Osomatsu was sprawled out on the floor near a fan, reading a manga. He looked up and gave a sleepy yawn. “Afternoon. How was work?”
Karamatsu sat down on the couch, beaming. Oh how things had changed in only a year. At first Osomatsu had been so averse to him getting a job. To the point of kicking Karamatsu and Choromatsu out of the house upon learning about them having one. He had been so scared of losing his brothers that he nearly had, forever. But with time he realized that a job didn't mean that Karamatsu was going anywhere. He still lived at home! He just could help out his parents with bills, leading to his father working less. It was good for everyone. Karamatsu was glad that Osomatsu had accepted that, especially with the added costs of Karamatsu and Choromatsu now going to therapy.
“Work was fine. I felt the sweat on my brow as the sun beamed her light down upon me, but I accomplished many tasks!” Karamatsu stated.
“Oh yeah, it's hot out today. I don't know how you work in this weather.” Osomatsu lazily turned a page in his manga. “You look happy today.”
“Hm! I am going to hang out with Choromatsu this evening. Do you know where he might be?”
“I think he went to a job interview? He left wearing a suit a least.” Osomatsu shrugged. “You know him. He never stops looking for a job.”
Karamatsu nodded. Choromatsu was steadfast in his dedication to finding a job. Although he had yet to be successful in that search. Karamatsu was sure that he would get one soon! Maybe even today, wouldn't that just be the icing on the cake?
Well in any case, he had nothing to do but wait for him to return then. Osomatsu seemed absorbed in his manga, so Karamatsu should find an activity of his own. He pulled his phone from his pocket, opening up the web browser. He had been looking at aesthetic pictures on this one website. There were so many images that caught his attention! Sparkling visages, flowers with quotes overlaid that spoke to his soul, ah, he could look at these pictures forever. He scrolled on through, looking at breathtaking scenes of places he could only hope to visit. The world was such a vast, amazing place!
“Karamatsu.” A hand waved in front of his face, breaking him out of his trance.
Karamatsu looked up from his phone, blinking several times. “Ah! Choromatsu you have returned.” Seems he had wasted more time than he intended and Choromatsu was already back home. He was still wearing his suit along with his signature frown.
“Yeah. I'm going to get changed. Then we can hang out or whatever." With his shoulders slumped, Choromatsu wandered away. Seems that maybe his job interview hadn't gone very well. In that case, Karamatsu would do his best to cheer him up tonight!
After a few moments Choromatsu returned wearing his typical outfit of a hoodie and jeans. Still sporting that frown though. “So what did you want to do tonight?”
“Tonight we shall go to the park!” Karamatsu leapt to his feet.
“The park? Why the park?”
“You’ll see!” Karamatsu grinned as he started walking backwards towards the door, nearly tripping over Osomatsu on his way.
“Okay fine, let's go. See you later Osomatsu.” Choromatsu waved at the eldest.
“Have fun!” Osomatsu grinned, looking up from his manga.
“Farewell!” Karamatsu replied.
The park wasn't very far away, but as they set off, Choromatsu was dragging his feet. “Is something bothering you?” Karamatsu already knew, but he’d rather hear it from Choromatsu. It wasn't good for him to keep his feelings bottled up.
“Do I even need to say it?” Choromatsu groaned. “You know, same as always. I just can't seem to get a job. I always try so hard at interviews. You would think I'd find something by now. Someone would hire me! But no. It's so frustrating.”
“I know you are trying your best. You'll find a job. I believe in you!” Karamatsu shot finger guns at him.
“I'm glad you believe in me. I just wish an employer would.” Choromatsu rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I'm fine, sorry for being so grumpy.”
“No worries!” The park was just up ahead. The shouts of children playing resounded in the air. It was a familiar noise, reminding him of their childhood and how often they had played at this very park. It felt like a long time ago, the times before they had become adults and became bogged down by responsibilities and worries. A carefree time, but they had all been pretty carefree even in their adult years. Karamatsu still hardly considered himself an adult despite having a job. Heh, he was an adult though. It had happened without him noticing.
Karamatsu pointed towards a picnic table, “Let's sit there.”
“There?” Choromatsu's lips slipped into something of a frown. “Isn't that the table we sat at when… oh never mind.”
Yeah, it was. That was sort of the point. It was the same place they had discussed rather serious plans at one point. Today was going to be different. That's why Karamatsu wanted to return to this place after all this time. Karamatsu swung his leg up with as much gusto as he could manage before taking his place at the table. Choromatsu sat down across from him. “Ah, brother I think you may remember this place. This is where we made a suicide pact and discussed our bucket lists.”
Choromatsu crossed his arms against his chest. “How could I forget.”
“Well it's been exactly one year since that fateful day, and I think we should celebrate being alive by making a different sort of list.” Karamatsu pulled out his phone. “A list of things we want to accomplish for the future!”
“Oh? Is that what you wanted to do today?” Choromatsu pulled out his own phone and looked at it pensively. “It's been a year. I haven't even accomplished anything in the past year.”
“Sure you have!” Karamatsu spoke up. “You’ve been healing, which is a big accomplishment in and of itself. You’ve made plenty of progress forwards, even if that progress isn't visible to others.”
“You've made more progress. No one would look at you and even think you had been suicidal a year ago.” Choromatsu tapped at his phone. “I'm still such a mess.”
“It's not a race brother! I don't think you are a mess, but worry not, that's what our lists will be for. Making quantifiable progress towards our futures!” Karamatsu pulled open a document on his phone and showed it to Choromatsu. “And, heh, this was something my therapist suggested I do, since I felt like I wasn't making much progress in my recovery either. Making goals I can work towards!”
Choromatsu looked over his rather short list. “Watch the sunset over the ocean and get your driver's license?”
“I haven't worked on the list much yet,” Karamatsu nodded. “But I desire to see the ocean soaked in the colors of the waning sun. That's a rather easy goal. I also want to be able to drive, to feel the freedom of the open road. That's more of a long term goal, however.”
“Oh I see. Hmm.” Choromatsu opened up a document on his own phone and typed out: “Get a job.”
“Of course.” Karamatsu laughed. “May I suggest an alternative to that goal? Or a goal to work in tandem with that one?”
“Like what?”
“Well to me it feels like you are in a rut. You keep trying to get a job, but not succeeding. Maybe you should invest in some job training instead? It would make your resume look better in the future and make you more desirable to hire.” Karamatsu explained.
Choromatsu held a finger above the keyboard, but eventually tapped out, “Job training.”
“Actually.” Choromatsu looked at his phone with a smile. “That's probably a good idea. Maybe I should take a break from the interviews for awhile. I'm just making myself upset and anxious.”
“Good plan!” Karamatsu shouted. “You should think up a more fun activity for the future as well.”
“Something fun.” Choromatsu tapped at his phone before holding it up for Karamatsu to see.
“A Nyaa-chan concert?” Karamatsu felt a sudden shock back to the bucket lists they had made before, and the goal that could never be completed.
“Oh, she's actually making music again!” Choromatsu grinned. “I guess it didn't work out between her and her husband, so she's an idol again. I haven't been to one of her concerts in ages. I want to see one again.” Choromatsu gripped his phone more tightly for a moment, looking thoughtful. “If I had died back then, I never would've seen her come back. You know when she quit being an idol I lost so much hope. I felt like I had to change as well, and when I failed I felt like I had nothing left. But now she's back and I'm still trying to change.” Choromatsu looked up, his grin only growing wider. “Maybe I have made some progress forward.”
“You certainly have! I'm very proud of you.”
“What about you? Isn't there other things you want to do?” Choromatsu asked, pointing at the phone.
There was a multitude of things he wanted to do. All of them were impossible. It felt pretty pointless to put goals he knew he'd never achieve on his list. “I don’t know. I think perhaps my goals are all too lofty.”
“Really? I mean last time we made lists we managed to pull off a concert. Is anything really impossible if you put your mind to it?” Choromatsu replied.
“Hmm.” Karamatsu had one rather big goal, which was actually a bunch of smaller goals all rolled up into one. “I want to visit America.”
“Oh? That's hardly impossible Karamatsu.”
“Ah, but I need to learn English better, save up money, all that. It's not exactly an easy goal.” Karamatsu sighed. It would take forever to even save up the money. It was probably hopeless for him.
“It might take awhile, but you can do it. Hey, you could even watch the sun set over the ocean in America.” Choromatsu pointed out. “I think it's a good goal.”
“Maybe.” Karamatsu found himself typing it out anyway. Well it wouldn't be a good goal if it didn't take work. Writing it down made it feel more concrete. This was something he wanted to do, and he was prepared to work towards it. “Do you have a more lofty goal as well?”
Choromatsu pulled at the sleeve of his hoodie for a moment, biting his lip. “You are going to think I'm being stupid, but there is something.”
“I won't think that!” Karamatsu stood up, putting one foot on the bench as he pointed at Choromatsu. “Follow your dreams, brother!”
“I want to learn to draw.” Choromatsu looked down at the table. “I want to make a manga.”
Karamatsu sat back down. “How fantastic!”
“You think so?” Choromatsu looked back up.
“I do. Art is a beautiful way to express yourself.”
“Yeah.” Choromatsu typed it into his phone. “I might not be able to, but I have a story I want to tell.”
“I believe you can do it if you work hard.” Karamatsu nodded.
“Yup. It's worth trying at least, even if I do end up failing.” Karamatsu was so proud of Choromatsu. At one point he was so afraid of failure he refused to even try anything new. Even saying that he was going to try was a huge step in the right direction. “I'm surprised you didn't put anything related to your music on your list yet.”
“Hmm.” That was his biggest dream, but it really sounded impossible. As much as he wanted to be a musician, there were so many more talented people out there. Oh, but what was he thinking? He might not succeed, but he would never do anything if he didn't at least try! He typed out something on his phone and held it up for Choromatsu to read.
“Play at a summer music festival. I like it. I'm sure you can do it.” Choromatsu said with a smile.
“Maybe! I can only try!”
“That's the spirit. You know, we should keep adding to our lists, then next year we should come back here to see how far we've come.” Choromatsu closed the document on his phone, a content look on his face.
“A splendid idea! It can be a yearly tradition. A celebration of our continuing lives.” Karamatsu turned off the screen on his phone, putting it back into his pocket. “Why don't we head out for some drinks now?”
“That sounds great.” Choromatsu stood up from his seat. “Let's party!”
Karamatsu got up from his seat, enjoying Choromatsu's enthusiasm. Before this day had been filled with only sad memories. Now he had a future of happy memories to look forward to.
Sitting in the bar with Choromatsu, Karamatsu was enjoying an iced tea. It had been awhile since he relaxed like this with him. What a refreshing evening! Just as he took a sip of his drink, he felt his phone buzzing at him in his pocket. He took it out to see a new message from Fumi.
Fumi! Without her help back then he never would have been able to find Choromatsu that night. If this was a story she was the real hero of it. Karamatsu had remained friends with her and her girlfriend Maaya for the past year, although lately she had been busy with school so they hadn't hung out in awhile. Karamatsu opened up the app the speak with her.
MeganeHakka: Kara-kun! How are you?
MatsunoKaramatsu: Today has been a fantastic day. I worked and now I'm out having some drinks with Choromatsu. How are you my flower?
MeganeHakka: Good. Little less busy lately. How is Green Frog doing?
MatsunoKaramatsu: He had an interview today but it didn't go well. I cheered him up though.
MeganeHakka: That's good
MeganeHakka: We should hang out soon. Me, you, Maaya-chan, and Green Frog. I've been studying too much I need a break!
MatsunoKaramatsu: What a great idea, when are you free?
MeganeHakka: This friday! Let's go back to that one bar. We can play darts again. I'll beat you!!
MatsunoKaramatsu: We’ll see about that. I've been carefully honing my skills. I may be unrivaled in my prowess now.
MeganeHakka: Ha!
MeganeHakka: I haven't been slacking either. I'm undefeated.
MeganeHakka: Oh yeah.
MeganeHakka: I was wondering about something.
MatsunoKaramatsu: Hm?
MeganeHakka: A long time ago, you said you felt like your life was like a tragedy.
MeganeHakka: Do you think you finally got your happy ending?
MatsunoKaramatsu: Heh, I think so.
MeganeHakka: I'm glad. I'll talk to you again soon. Bye Kara-kun!
MatsunoKaramatsu: Farewell my flower!