Chapter Text
"Honestly," said Nardole, "it would be better if this idea came from the Doctor, not from you."
"I know, egghead," Missy muttered, fiddling around in Bill"s circuit. "How does it look like?"
"He can’t be seen," Nardole rolled his eyes and stepped up to Missy. "I don’t understand why you suddenly do as if you were on our side?"
"Oh, I"m basically on my side," Missy looked at him with raised eyebrows. "And since the doctor trusts me and stands by my side ... voila!"
"I think after the last events, it’s questionable whether he still trusts you," Nardole grated, glancing at CyberBill, scowling. "Being on your side means being able to stand on your side with your old self."
"Papperlapapp," Missy made a gesturing hand movement. "He is closest to himself. And since even such a sausage as you already could realize that I am no longer like him ... wait, I got it right! "
Missy pulled at a few cables, held the Doctor"s screwdriver on a few interfaces and nodded to herself contentedly.
"And you"re sure it works?"
"Sure!"
"How many times have you done that?"
"Often enough," muttered Missy. "Theoretically...."
She took one of the cables that ran from Bill"s case and tied it to the Doctor"s temple with a piece of cloth. Missy would have preferred adhesive tape, but since she didn’t have the appropriate means at her disposal, she also put up with fabric remnants.
She reached for another cable and fastened it also on her temple. She proudly stretched her chin forward, handed Nardole her umbrella, and swallowed an obviously tight lump.
"Hit me," Missy said, looking up at Nardole. "Hard!"
"Missy, honestly," Nardole stammered, weighing her umbrella clumsily in his hands. "I could imagine almost nothing better than to hit you k.o.... but if your psycho-ego is aware of this, he will kill me. "
"He shouldn’t get it, either," Missy hissed, raising the index finger threateningly. "If you want the Doctor to wake up again, and at least half of us get out here, knock me unconscious now!"
"I feel rather bad about it!"
"There"s nothing nicer – promise!," Missy bickered, waving her hands wildly. "Come on, I -"
Missy fell to the ground, and Nardole stared at CyberBill, who had hit her fist on Missy"s back.
"Sheeeeee waaaaanted iiiiit soooooo," the Cyberman seemed to want to shrug, but of course Bill couldn’t carry out this movement.
"And?" Nardole asked. "Can you feel her?"
"Yeeeeeaaaah," Bill crouched and laid her hand on Missy’s chest. Then she tipped unconsciously to the side.
"What’s going on here?" Bill wondered at her body. "I"m back ... I’m me?"
"You"re always you," Missy whispered, looking into Bill"s dark eyes. "You will always be you."
"But ..." Bill touched her washy hair and stared at her hands. "I am a machine?"
"I"m sorry for you," Missy lowered her head. "I am very ashamed of my behavior at that time and would like to apologize."
"Oh, what for? For the year long acting by Crazy-You? Or for the modification into a monster?"
"This modification saved your life!" Missy snapped, but soon grew calmer. "And Maniac-Me is just pretty rude at the moment. This regeneration has broken many things, but also suffered as much suffering. More than any other of my regenerations. This is no excuse, but the attempt at a bungling explanation. "
"We were friends," Bill hissed angrily, and Missy shook her head.
"WE are friends," she put a hand on Bill"s shoulder and sighed. "I"m not good at maintaining friendships. The Doctor is the best example, but I try hard. "
"You"re not friends," Bill said seriously, and Missy backed away, startled.
"Yes, I assure you!"
"And I say no!", Bill"s mouth twitched amused. "You are more than that ... you’re in love!"
"You mean?" Missy shook her shoulders and stared into the void.
"Otherwise we wouldn’t be here now," Bill looked around and frowned. "Where ... uh ... is here? What exactly did you do? "
"Mastermind, Potty," Missy whispered, clearing her throat. "I split your hard drive and wrote a program on the free memory. I call it Mastermind, ok? So, Mastermind connects us to the subconscious mind. It creates a virtual reality thanks to your technical interface. This isn’t so virtual as it wasn’t created by an artificial intelligence, but by an existing being. Through the cables, we are connected to you in a matrix and can thus penetrate into the Doctor"s subconscious, find out what he is suffering from and then kick him out of his sleepy sleepy sleeeeeeep! "
"In his subconscious mind, then, am I still a human being?", Bill stroked her unwound belly again.
"Not directly," Missy grunted with teeth. "Mastermind also directs our mental currents into the matrix. Both, our subconscious mind and our consciousness act in this program. "
"Fuck," said Bill admiringly. "I didn’t know you could do that!"
"You learn something like that in preschool, darling!"
"So is it like a computer game?"
"More like dreaming, but of course you can compare it to such an addictive shit," Missy winked conspiratorically, opening her palm. "Lumos!"
A lightball appeared and Bill jumped back with her eyes wide open.
"Wait, THAT works?"
"Of course," Missy nodded. "We are the consciousness and it must always be aware of us. Surely so far? "
"Uh, yes," Bill nodded. "I guess so."
"No, you must KNOW that you are consciousness. Thinking is too little! The UNCONSCIOUS WILL play you bad pranks. We"re three, Potty. Three unconscious in a matrix together. We don’t know what the consciousness of the Doctor looks like, where he is, and how he is aware of his circumstance as being an consciousness. "
"That"s complicated," Bill rubbed her head, and Missy just shrugged. She let the lightball fizzle and looked up into the dark sky, sparkling billions of stars.
"Stars," Missy whispered. "It has always been the stars ... his subconscious is thus melancholic."
"How do we know that it is his subconscious mind that reflects the interface in the matrix?"
"Because he appreciates the beauty of the universe," Missy murmured. "I hope we find him ... find out what keeps him from waking up."
"You will," Bill leaned forward and wiped a tear from the cheek of the surprised Missy. "Where there are tears, there is hope!"
"Maybe," Missy swallowed, turning away from Bill, ashamed.
"Otherwise you wouldn’t be here! You are his hope. "
"Who am I? Mastermind gave me the interface of my current regeneration. "
"Yes, because it is just this regeneration that wants to save him and love him!"
"It could be deadly for all of us," Missy gave Bill an apologizing look. "At least for our mental health."
"If we die here in the Matrix," Bill thought, "are our bodies out there in reality like soulless zombies?"
"So roughly, yes," Missy nodded. "But we won’t let it come so far. Death is for other people, darling. "
"Is it very dangerous?"
"Look around!"
"We are standing on an endless meadow under a beautiful starry sky. The air is warm, the mood is almost romantic, and silence prevails. "
"So?" Missy looked at Bill expectantly.
"It"s going to be very dangerous," Bill concluded, breathing deeply. "What can we do? Do we have anything besides our consciousness? "
"Your mind is your sharpest weapon," Missy explained. "Even if you are far behind me with your knowledge and your majesty, you can exert influence in Mastermind. And not just because you"re our host. "
"I can fly? Or make fireballs? "
"Yes, but think of the unconscious, Potty. There are three subconscious minds, two of which have seen almost everything in this universe. There will be a lot of mental shit, which we can only be able to do through targeted exertion. And there will be a lot of different ... how do I explain you the best? ... NPC"s !! Yes, exactly, N-P-C. Roger that? We are the three consciences, the PC"s! "
"Sounds complicated," Bill grimaced. "But I understood. All non-player character is the unconsciousness. We are the only playable characters. Played by our consciousness. I hope I will be able to distinguish them. "
"You just have to use your consciousness in time. Never forget that you can. When you get a fire, give it water. If you get water, put a boat on it. "
"We have a wide, wide meadow before us."
"Then try a lawnmower!"