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Another day doing the same route with the same flowers in his hands.
The thoughts of Hoseok were the same since that night. He will never forget the day everything happened and how fast it had happened, like when you pass a movie in a hurry to find the spot you were looking for. Hoseok wasn’t ready, as every morning he went there, to see him again, the one who was injured because of him. His walking was heavy and slow, like if his body was trying to stop him from keeping going to the place he knew he would feel like the trash he was. He told himself to forget that specific moment, like the others told him, but his mind kept playing tricks on him and rewound to that day he committed the biggest foul ever. His mind, or maybe he, was obsessed with the same moment, with the same memory, and kept repeating over and over again. That moment was the one who involved his friend, or crush or even his biggest love ever, but now he felt like he didn’t deserve to think like this. His friend was injured because of him, and now that he had arrived in front of the hospital doors he felt even worse than when he was at the flower shop buying the same flower he knew his friend (or maybe ex-friend) loved.
It was at this moment when his mind decided to rewind to that night. The night he trampled Jimin.
He was driving back home, the same home where all the Bangtan members were waiting for him to dinner. They were like this, even if it was 2 a.m, they would wait for anyone because they were a group; well, not only a group but a family. They were brothers, and he destroyed one of them thus destroying all of them.
He forgot to put the short range lights because in this street there were streetlamps illuminating, a little, the street. He was about to change them when he saw him. Jimin. The boy was just in front of the car, smiling, with his eyes barely open because of the bright light he was facing. That moment, on Hoseok’s mind, happened in slow camera, like the ones you can see in all those movies. But the next moment he realized what had happened he was on the ambulance in state of shock and still analyzing what was going on.
The moment when Jimin crashes on the windshield, the moment when Hoseok screams while the glass shatters into pieces, the moment when a high-pitched scream echoes on the empty street, the moment when a dull sound of a body falling onto the asphalt is the only thing Hoseok can hear before he sees all black. But the thing he remembered clearly was the nurses running one way and another trying to stabilize Jimin, the doctor talking with Namjoon and Seokin with a serious face, Yoongi crying, Jungkook and Taehyung battling to not faint on the floor because of the blood Jimin’s body was pulling while big tears kept falling on their faces.
The words of the doctor sounded like if Hoseok was under the water, and he could barely listen to them, but he caught a few words: “it’s serious”, “if he wakes”, “can’t walk”...
Now he was here again, standing in front of Jimin’s room even if he didn’t know how he arrived there. He could hear Yoongi’s voice, and also Jin's. Now he remembers a sentence Namjoon told him while he was half asleep in the sofa of the same room he was in front of: “You remember Icarus and the sun?” Hoseok remembers of himself humming before he fell asleep next to Jimin, dreaming of him waking up.
The thing Hoseok dreamt that day was about Icarus, about the sun and how he became the sun and Jimin Icarus. He was the one who blinded the boy because of his lights, the same way the sun melted Icarus wings because the boy wanted to fly closer to the star. But now his wings didn’t exist and he crashed on the floor, the same way Jimin did.
The door opened and an emotionless Yoongi stared at him. Hoseok flinched at the stare his friend gave him. He felt worse now, much worse than at the hospital entry, than when he was staring at the room door and remembering that day, he felt like he was better dead. Seokjin's voice was soft compared at his stiff face, making him look like the mature man he really was. Hoseok stepped forward, entering at last to the room.
The first thing he discovered was that Jimin, his Jimin, was awake. The second thing he discovered was that the boy was smiling brightly at him. The third thing he discovered was that he was feeling guilty because he didn’t deserve that smile, so he started crying.
But suddenly, it all became black. Jimin’s smile was nowhere to be seen, Seokjin was not there the same way Yoongi was not there to judge him with this stare, even when he knew Yoongi felt guilty too for letting all of this happening. The darkness of the place, the memories, all, disappeared as fast as his car accident.
---
Jimin was in the room, sitting in the uncomfortable chair and watching the same news as yesterday, and the day before, and so until a week ago, when the accident happened.
Hoseok was lying on the bed, eyes completely closed, like if he was sleeping soundly, but with a lot of machines connected to his body exhibiting that he was anything but asleep.
The news were explaining how the accident happened and that only made Jimin feel more guilty. Hoseok had the car accident because of him. He was waiting outside the house, at 2 a.m in the morning and in a street where the light was so poor, to greet his friend and go dinner with the others. When he saw the lights he knew it was Hoseok who was coming back and for that reason he got up of the step he was sitting and run to the middle of the street, waving at the car. He had to close a little his eyes because the lights were so bright and all he heard was a scratch on the asphalt made for the car braking and, when the lights deviated he could see how the car crashed into a streetlight so hard that Hoseok hit hard with the steering wheel.
Those images where following Jimin everywhere. The blood in Hoseok’s head, the car junk, how the others started screaming and how Namjoon and Yoongi were trying to help take Hoseok out of the car. He was like a stone, he wasn’t moving but he could see what was happening.
A week had passed since then and he refused to leave Hoseok side. He wanted to make sure he wakes up, he wanted to see his friend being ridiculously noisy, he wanted to…
A movement on the bed takes Jimin out of his thoughts. Hoseok was awakening and he immediately pushed the red button, calling the doctor.
---
Hoseok finally was seeing the light, a blinding light. Was this the same way Jimin saw his car lights? So harmful to his eyes.
There was a lot of noise, voices and things being moved. He had no idea what was going on, but now he could remember everything. The car accident. How he dodged Jimin to not hurt him and how he ended up crashing to a lamppost. He now could remember the crystal shattering in front of his eyes. The thing he dreamed that was Jimin hitting the asphalt was the streetlight, and the high-pitched scream was Jimin screaming at the view. It was him that had the accident, the one who bleed, the one that made Yoongi the insensitive cry.
How much time did he sleep? Hours or maybe a day? It didn’t felt like a lot of time because he could open his eyes normally and directly direct them at the figure of the short boy.
“Hello, Jimin. It’s me, Hoseok. Hobihobi. J-hope, the one who was supposed to be your hope”. His voice didn’t sound as clear as he thought, so he supposed he dreamed for more than a day, but he didn't mind. He was alive, and that’s all that mattered. He didn't notice his own tears, but he noticed in the face of the boy a little pout, like he was holding back tears, and that’s when he discovered he was awake. Jung Hoseok finally discovered he was not the sun, because now he was being hugged by the real one.
He was the one the doctor was talking about, the one who could not walk for sure. But it didn’t matter because it was him and not Jimin, his loved sun.