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“Suicide is not a good double date idea, Dazai.”
One Dazai pouts at his Oda turning him down. “Why not? It would be twice as beautiful as double suicide!”
“You ever hear ‘bout quadruple suicides on the news?” Sakunosuke asks. “They’d have to call it a mass suicide, and four people’s a pretty wimpy mass suicide. Don’t sound magnificent or beautiful to me.”
Osamu, who had looked a bit put out about group suicide being off the table, nods along with his boyfriend’s reasoning. “We can’t have a suicide that’s wimpy.”
Dazai puffs out a sigh, but relents. “So what do you want to do?”
Oda thinks for a moment. “The beach wouldn’t be a good choice either…”
Osamu tugs at his tie, while Dazai fiddles with the end of a bandage around his wrist.
“How ‘bout karaoke? Me ‘n my Dazai don’t know too many songs since the forties, but that’ll just make it more fun!” Sakunosuke says.
And so two Dazai Osamus and two Oda Sakunosukes end up in one karaoke room.
Sakunosuke volunteers to go first - “so none of y’all get to be shy!” - and after flipping through several pages, finds something that he knows well enough to sing. While Dazai and Osamu are pouring drinks, Sakunosuke starts up his song.
“Haa, if we dance, choito~ It must be Tokyo ondo, yoiyoi~”
To say that Sakunosuke was a bad singer would be unkind and would probably get you punched by Osamu for saying it. He’s just not a particularly good singer. Even so, he sings with enthusiasm and energy, and takes a bow when he’s done. Oda claps for him.
Osamu is a better singer as long as he doesn’t have to hit a high note. When he does he gets nasally, but otherwise he’s not bad.
“When twilight approaches, my agony becomes endless. In my confused mind emerges a figure. Who is it? I love you though my lips are faded…”
“Love songs already?” Dazai teases, when Osamu’s done. “So bold, I’m flattered~”
“How many songs from seventy years ago do you think are options?” Osamu grumbles, as Oda claps again. “I’d like to see you do better.”
Challenge accepted. Dazai grabs the microphone out of Osamu’s hands.
“A suggestive smile with no meaning~ Is it a sign? Or honey trap? I'm encouraged now, you turn me on, I can't help but say these words~”
Dazai is an excellent singer. Nobody comments on that, or they don’t get a chance to because about a second after Dazai’s done, Sakunosuke speaks up. “You were lookin’ at Oda the whole time. Ain’t it sweet to have yer boyfriend sing you a love song, eh, Oda?” He nudges Oda in the arm.
Oda doesn’t have an answer, but there’s a soft pink on his cheeks that suggests that he’s embarrassed, or flattered. He holds out his hand for the microphone, and Dazai hands it over wordlessly.
Oda punches in numbers, then blinks when the background that comes up is a cute anime girl. “Oh, I must have typed the numbers in wrong.”
Then he shrugs and goes for it, complete with falsetto to attempt to reach the higher notes.
“She's the sort of girl who's always in fashion, and her behind is the cutest one we know of! Please look my way, Honey!”
No one but Oda manages to keep a straight face through the song, and Sakunosuke giggles hard enough that he almost falls off his seat.
Other highlights: Osamu and Sakunosuke both attempting songs they’ve heard maybe once or twice on modern radio (with little success), Dazai dragging Oda into a duet (with great success, if Osamu’s call of “get a room!” is anything to judge by), Sakunosuke dragging Oda into a duet of the English classic ‘Dancing with Myself’ and Osamu and Dazai raising the stakes with the Australian classic ‘I Touch Myself’.
After that, it was decided that they should probably lower the stakes again if they didn’t want to have a foursome in a karaoke booth. Half of them might be ex-mafia members and the other half dead people, but other people would eat here and they weren’t savages.
Maybe somewhere else, after karaoke.