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Sephiroth did not know when or where he was or how he got here. That was unusual. There may have been some kind of accident with materia. Why couldn't he remember?
"Don't let him get out!"
That was said in Wutai. Sephiroth froze. It suddenly became much more important to know where he was. And when. If this was still during the war, had he been captured? He was sitting on the floor, his back to a wall. He had no obvious injuries and was not restrained. Were his surroundings safe? He opened one eye just barely, so that anyone watching couldn't tell he was awake. A tiny room. The light was on, a soft white incandescent. There was a single door, and hidden behind some boxes was a steep staircase leading up. He heard footsteps through the wooden beams above. It smelled like cardboard and... cats?
Cats. The room was full of them. All different colors and patterns and coat lengths. Sephiroth had never heard of torture by cats but he couldn't discount the possibility either. None of them were within pouncing distance, yet. No, wait... he felt one glaring down imperiously at him from atop its lofty corrugated tower. Another clearly intended to climb to a higher perch to set up an attack from both sides. When they started meowing, the horrific cacophony was impossible to ignore. Okay, yes, that was overly dramatic, but it was somewhat unsettling. He should probably get out of here. Should he wait in ambush until someone came to feed the cats? It would help if he could tell what time of day it was. With so little knowledge, he decided he would only set the whole thing on fire as a last resort. Similarly, there was no room to summon his sword without potentially skewering some cats or slicing through possibly load-bearing walls. He wondered when those had become his go-to solutions for most everything.
He shook his head in thought. It was a mistake. They noticed his hair, the way the long strands swayed with his motion. They became focused in the way only cats can. He was being hunted. Stop. Don't move. Don't look like the cat toy to beat all cat toys. But then what? He didn't think asking them politely not to maul him savagely would get anywhere. Make a distraction? There was nothing here more distracting than he was. Scare them off? There was nowhere for them to go; he'd just end up stuck in a very small space with angry cats instead. That might be preferable to facing the enemy or it might not. They were coming closer. Fortunately, now that he was still, they looked slightly less murderously playful. Well, if he wasn't going to use violence, he may as well try peace.
Sephiroth did like cats. They were elegant, independent, and clever instruments of destruction just as he was. There were other similarities too, the shine in their eyes, and how carefully they kept themselves clean, and how they both liked to stretch out in the sun, although he'd never admit the last to anybody. He removed his left glove and held out his hand for an orange tabby to smell. It didn't bite him, so he scratched under its chin, and then up around to the ears... it was soft. And then it was purring, which was nice. And then the others got jealous.
Which was why, when Zack opened the door, he couldn't believe what he saw. Sephiroth was covered in totally blissful cats. In his lap, all around him, on his head, on his pauldrons. Sephiroth wouldn't be able to get up without disturbing them. It was a dangerous situation. But then, Zack noticed that Sephiroth hadn't tried to rise. He looked... just as happy as the cats. It was adorable.
"So we're not in the middle of a warzone then, I take it."
Zack blinked a couple times. "No Seph, we're not. You're in the cat house in Wutai. I have no idea how or why. I think we might be able to get you out of here without serious incident."
"Oh. That's a relief." Sephiroth started gently removing cats from his person. Nobody died.