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Look, Jeremy knew that the SQUIP did a lot of bad stuff. It was at least indirectly involved in Jake’s house burning down, it had taken control over people to try and get Jeremy to kiss someone, and he still had nightmares about everyone screaming when Christine had drunk the Mountain Dew Red.
So, yeah. He wasn’t naive enough to think that the main problem he was having in a post-SQUIP world was actually that bad. It was irritating more than anything. Jeremy couldn’t jack off.
Well, he could actually jerk it just fine, it was just that he’d so much as type a word in the address bar of his computer and he’d tense up, immediately sitting ramrod straight and he swore he could sometimes feel a tingle of electricity down his spine. And that kinda ruined the mood. So watching porn was a no-go. Which sucked.
For the first few weeks, Jeremy had just ignored when his dick started acting like an excitable puppy. He wasn’t going to go through fucking PTSD because he couldn’t keep it in his pants, so he just thought about his dad’s pantlessness and got on with his day.
It wasn’t a viable long-term solution.
It had started with wet dreams every other night that resulted in more laundry being done in a week than Jeremy had previously done in months. But the thing about the dreams was, even when they were hazy, they weren’t about watching videos. They were about actually doing the sexy things with other people. And therein Jeremy found his solution.
He just fantasised a lot.
And it was awesome after he got over the awkwardness of all the “oh hey Jake, how’s your day going I totally wasn’t thinking about how you could pick me up and pin me against a wall without even trying last night, why would you even suggest that?” or “Brooke, hi! I absolutely didn’t get off two days ago thinking about how your thighs would tighten around my head if I licked you until you were shaking from coming so hard”. It was just those first few days were rough. But he could handle it. And he wasn’t waking up to sticky sheets so he counted it as a win.
Until he didn’t.
Despite the fact that he was essentially beating it to the thought of his friends, Jeremy had rules in place. He would not let it interfere with the fact he had friends, which meant he wasn’t allowed to be weird about it. He would never mention it out loud. And he made sure his details were vague so he wouldn’t only be able to think about his sex fantasies when he saw someone. The keeping it vague was pretty easy. It wasn’t like he had a whole lot of experience aside from his hand. The problem arose from the fact that his subconscious was a total bitch.
It started an evening after he’d come home from play rehearsal already in the mood and decided that Christine had looked so excited on the stage that he needed to think about her being excited about something else. Specifically, his dick.
So he’d pulled his boxers down to his knees and started lazily tugging at himself as he let his imagination run wild.
Christine was wearing a floaty skirt and a white bra as she bounced towards him, capturing his mouth in an enthusiastic kiss. The kiss only lasted for a few seconds before Christine ducked her head under his chin and started nipping at his chest.
Jeremy flicked a nipple and groaned, pretending it was Christine’s mouth.
He could almost feel her boobs pressed against his stomach, and imaginary-Jeremy reached behind her to undo her bra. And because imaginary-Jeremy knew how bras worked, he was able to take it off imaginary-Christine one-handed.
Imaginary-Christine surged back up to imaginary-Jeremy’s mouth and pressed herself against his chest. Jeremy’s hand on his dick started to speed up.
Then imaginary-Christine pushed herself harder against Jeremy, adding friction to his dick and nipples before rising up to suck at Jeremy’s neck and, wait did her hair suddenly get shorter? Because imaginary-Jeremy could now take handfuls of it and feel how it had been shaved down the back of imaginary-person’s neck and behind their ears.
Jeremy could feel his balls tightening as he panted into his collarbone, and imaginary-Jeremy pulled the hair of his imaginary partner up to kiss them again and they pressed into Jeremy’s chest again, and now the softness was gone. The boobs had been replaced with a hard chest, and okay Jeremy was definitely getting off to a guy.
Not a big deal. He’d made his peace with being bisexual before now. And he was so close- he just needed another push and he’d come.
The imaginary-guy rolled his groin down against Jeremy’s and licked into his mouth at the same time. Jeremy let out a garbled moan and pushed up into the kiss, and imaginary-Jeremy felt the press of glasses against his cheek and heard a groan that sounded not dissimilar to when he was playing Apocalypse of the Damned and the boss level beat them with just a sliver of health left.
Jeremy thrust up into his fist hard and choked through an orgasm. He shivered through the aftershocks, only letting his dick go when it had gone oversensitive and on the wrong edge of painful. That was the best orgasm he’d had in ages. His brain felt all fuzzy and warm around the edges.
After a few seconds of afterglow, Jeremy pulled himself up and tucked himself back into his pants before going to the bathroom to wash up. It was only when he was staring in the mirror blankly that his brain finally connected what had happened.
He’d totally just jerked off thinking about Michael. As in his best friend. As in the only person that Jeremy had specifically made sure he wouldn’t masturbate to because he knew he couldn’t keep it vague. Because he knew Michael almost better than himself sometimes and he had an all-too-clear idea in his mind of how Michael would look shirtless, panting into his mouth and—
This wasn’t a problem. His brain was clearly thinking about how Michael had texted him on the way home from play rehearsal to organise a hangout and that had gotten muddled in with the sexy thoughts. It was fine. It just couldn’t happen again.
********
It happened again.
And again.
It was getting to the point that Jeremy could start any fantasy and within two minutes Michael Mell had replaced whoever Jeremy was jacking it to. He couldn’t look at him too hard without blushing. All of the rules Jeremy had made himself were dissipating into smoke, but honestly could he be surprised? All the rules he’d ever made never applied to Michael.
It was just a problem that when Michael chuckled under his breath, Jeremy felt his spine go warm and honeyed, or whenever Michael leaned over to whisper something in Jeremy’s ear he could feel his breath on his neck, or whenever they were just chilling on the beanbags in Michael’s basement Jeremy had the urge to roll off his and straddle Michael and grind down until neither of them could think straight. It was getting to be a pretty serious problem.
Which is what led to Jeremy’s most recent in a series of terrible ideas, which involved his right hand hovering over Michael’s number on his phone, and his left hand lazily jerking his junk around.
Was he really going to be that guy? The creepy dude who masturbated while pretending that nothing was happening and going on like it was a regular thing to do? He pressed Michael’s name, hit the speakerphone button and let the phone start ringing. Apparently so.
The phone rang through a couple of times with no telltale click of it being answered. Maybe this was fate telling Jeremy that jacking it to the voice of his best friend was a bad idea?
“Y’ello? Jere, what’s up?”
Never mind the universe thought this was a great idea.
“Hey, Michael! Nothing much, just wanted to chat for a bit.” Jeremy shimmied his pants to his knees and started slowly tugging at his dick.
“That’s cool with me man; always happy to talk to my player two.”
“I thought you were the player two?” Jeremy said, mock offended, and ignoring the way his cock swelled slightly at the thought of being Michael’s player two. Who knew he had a possessiveness kink?
Michael laughed back. “You wish. It’s my gaming system we use, so I’m automatically in charge of it.”
“Uh-huh.” Jeremy could already feel his head drifting a bit. “That makes—” he cut off to exhale sharply. The twist of his wrist on the upstroke felt so good already. “That makes sense, I guess.”
“Dude are you okay?” Michael sounded concerned. “Do you want me to come over or something?”
The stupid part of Jeremy’s brain said that worked almost all the time in pornos, before the smarter part shut it up. “Nah it’s cool man, I’m just looking up some stuff on the web. I’m kinda multitasking right now.”
“Alright then, man.” Jeremy breathed a sigh of relief that he quietly choked off as his grip tightened slightly. “Good to know that you need to multitask when you talk to me. Am I not enough to entertain you myself?”
Jeremy could just picture Michael wiggling his eyebrows with that remark and let out a half laugh that tapered into a quiet groan halfway through. “You— you’ve caught me, man,” he weakly said. He was already almost completely hard and Michael had said barely anything. “You are not nearly as entertaining as researching how ‘White Tiger’ is an allegory for all Indian society and society as a whole.”
“Damn.” Michael said. “I can’t compete with something like that. Did you wanna talk about it?”
“No. Just, tell me about some documentary you watched. Or a story or something.”
Jeremy bit down on his lip hard. He was already oozing a few droplets of precome and since he didn’t think far enough ahead as to grab lube before phoning Michael. He’d have to make do.
“Umm, okay then man.” Michael paused uncertainly before taking a breath in. “So I saw this thing about how car companies make, like, way to many cars? So there are just airfields and stuff filled with unused cars that they didn’t sell that are, like, just rusting away now? Because they can’t cut down on factory jobs but they don’t want to sell anything for under 20k, like how fucked is that?”
Jeremy’s hips stuttered when Michael said ‘fucked’ and he whimpered into his fist, before he realised that Michael had paused and was waiting for a response.
“Umm, yeah, totally bro. That’s messed up.”
Michael didn’t respond and the airwaves seemed heavy with awkwardness.
Jeremy bit back another groan, because he was apparently crazy and hadn’t stopped fucking up into his fist.
“Jere, are you fucking jacking off right now?” Michael finally asked. His voice sounded strained.
Jeremy froze. This was a worst-case scenario, but honestly he should have expected it. He’d known Michael for like two-thirds of his life so of course the guy would know if he was doing something shifty.
“I—” Jeremy began, before he broke off into a moan because Jesus H Christ, his wrist had moved in some way that sent shivers up his spine and it felt so good. Well, no coming back from that. “Yeah. Yeah I am.”
Michael made a choking sound on his side of the phone that was probably disbelief and revolt, but fuck if it didn’t sound sexy as hell so Jeremy responded with a keening noise that would have been embarrassing were he not so turned on and twisted his hand around the head of his dick. He was so close. He just needed a little push.
“Michael, I— fuck, please, I need—” Jeremy broke off again to moan into his pillow. There was no point in trying to act less desperate than he was- Michael had probably hung up the phone as soon as he’d realised what Jeremy was doing. He was proven wrong when an answering groan echoed out of his mobile’s tinny speaker.
“What do you need, Jere? You gotta tell me, man.”
Jeremy’s hand clenched tighter around his dick; it was almost painful but he needed something grounding to make sure this wasn’t a deeply involved and realistic fantasy. It certainly didn’t seem like it was.
“I— I need,” he stuttered out. “Just, just talk to me. I wanna hear your voice.”
“Holy shit,” Michael murmured over the line. And that did things to Jeremy.
“God, Jeremy. Wish I could see you right now. You sound so fucking good for me.”
The base of Jeremy’s spine felt like it was slowly melting into his bed. Possessiveness kink, welcome back.
“You’re so sweet,” Michael was still saying. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you. So much that I want to do with you, so much.”
Michael sounded like he was losing his composure too. Jeremy was so close. It was one thing listening to someone grunt at video games, another entirely to be groaning because they’re jerking off.
“What,” Jeremy panted. “What do you wanna do, man?”
Michael honest-to-god growled down the receiver and Jeremy almost came from that alone.
“I want you, underneath me. You bruise so easy, I want to cover you in bites so everyone knows what you’ve been doing, get them so high up your neck you can’t hide them with that jacket of yours. Want everyone to know what you mean to me.”
Michael broke off to groan again and Jeremy thoughtlessly answered it with his own.
“I want,” Michael was panting so heavily he could barely get the words out. “I wanna blow you, wanna make you come so hard you can’t fucking move for a few minutes, and then once you can I’ll just start again, make you feel so good, just keep you high like that for as long as I can.”
Jeremy choked on his own spit at that. Like, he wasn’t at all against it, but Michael seemed super into this and that was turning him on even more.
“You’re so—” Michael cut himself off and made a noise that sounded like it was filtered through his fist. “So good, Jere, I wanna make sure you see that, make sure you know how good you are, how good you make me wanna make you feel. Love you so much, fuck—”
Jeremy arched off his bed at that, moaning into the phone’s receiver at Michael’s final confession, stroking himself through one of his louder orgasms. He just kept fucking up into his fist until it was basically covered in his come, and that was going to be a bitch after he’d finished basking in this.
Michael was still breathing heavily over the other end of the line, so Jeremy turned his head toward his phone, still weakly tugging at his sensitive dick.
“Michael, did you come yet?” And god, Jeremy’s voice sounded so fucked out and he’d barely done anything, how did that happen?
“Not yet,” Michael replied, which was as good a confession as any that Michael was jacking it to him as well.
He should probably return the favour, right?
“Do you, like, want me to talk to you?” Jeremy was way out of his depth. And coming down from an orgasm did not help with brain cells moving quickly.
“Please,” Michael said, and honestly that made Jeremy’s dick give a valiant twitch on his stomach, but he didn’t touch it.
“Michael, you’re so—” Jeremy paused. He really had no idea what he was doing, so he figured he’d start by just describing and then ramble and hopefully some of it would be good. “So warm, I love it when you, like, just drop onto me in your basement you cover me up and feel so warm and safe and I love that.”
Michael gave a quiet groan in answer. Jeremy needed to turn it up a notch.
“I want,” Jeremy could feel his face turning red even as he thought the phrase. “We should do that again, but with less clothes next time. I wanna feel your skin, you always have such smooth skin and I wanna feel that against mine.”
This time Michael moaned louder. An improvement.
“Wanna feel you grind on me,” Jeremy said, gaining confidence. “Wanna feel you all hot against me, and you know that I’ll be just as hard, because you’re so fucking hot, Michael. So beautiful.”
“I’m close, Jere,” Michael bit out around another groan.
Jeremy decided it was time to just throw all dignity to the wind. “God, I wanna fuck you, Mike. I don’t care if you’re in me or I’m in you, I just wanna have you so bad, need you so bad, god I love you too, please I—”
Jeremy’s final sentence was interrupted by the sounds of Michael coming, which was great, because Jeremy really had no idea where he was going to go with the rest of the sentence. And Michael sounded good, too. He was so much deeper than usual when he was turned on. Something else to add to the ol’ spank bank.
The silence that hung over the mobile was a thousand times worse than the one that happened when Michael realised Jeremy was jerking off. This wasn’t possible to explain away by multitasking or just needing to jack it.
“You still there, Michael?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, cool.” Jeremy didn’t know what to say next. “We can ignore this ever happening if you want to. It can just be two guys helping each other jerk it.”
Michael didn’t say anything for a few moments. “Is that what you want?” he asked carefully.
Jeremy didn’t know how to answer that honestly, so he settled for a half-truth. “I want whatever makes you more comfortable, bro.”
Michael huffed out a laugh that even through the phone sounded sarcastic. “Way to put all the fucking pressure on me then.”
There was another pause.
“You know I—” Michael stopped for a second before he continued, steeling himself for Jeremy’s response. “I didn’t say anything I didn’t mean before. It wasn’t just because my brain was in my dick that I was saying that shit.”
Jeremy didn’t say anything for a moment and Michael felt his heart sink. No way to ‘no homo’ his way out of this one.
“I didn’t either,” Jeremy whispered. “I wouldn’t lie to you about something like this just because I was turned on.”
Michael didn’t breathe for a few seconds and Jeremy felt his heart in his throat. “So,” Michael finally said. “You love me?”
Almost familiar territory again. “I mean, yeah,” Jeremy said without hesitation. “Like, I’ve loved you since almost the day I met you, I just, also love you, like romantic stylez too.”
The tension bled from the conversation. “Did you just fucking quote Brooklyn 99 at me?” Michael said.
“Did you recognise it as a Brooklyn 99 quote?” Jeremy immediately shot back.
“True.”
There was a beat of silence.
“I love you too, Jere,” Michael said. “Also romantic stylez.”
Jeremy felt himself grinning almost too widely for his face. “Maybe ‘romantic stylez’ will be our always?”
“Jeremy, the fact that I love you does not mean I will not tell you to shut the fuck up. So shut the fuck up.”
Jeremy laughed into the phone. “Love you too, asshole.”
Just before he could hang up on Michael, he started yelling “wait, wait, wait!”
“What?” Jeremy asked.
Suddenly Michael stopped speaking. When he started again Jeremy swore he could hear the blush that Michael was sporting. “If, like tomorrow, you wanted to come to mine and hang in my basement and play video games and stuff, we could maybe consider some of the other stuff we talked about before?”
Jeremy flushed in response. “I’d really like that. I'll see you then.”
With that, Jeremy hung up the phone and squirmed around in his bed for a second before whooping briefly.
Thank God his dad wasn’t home.