Chapter Text
Soo held their first ultrasounds in her hands and lovingly ran her fingertips over the little dot that was their baby. Smiling softly, she brought the monochrome image to her lips and gave it a little kiss as So’s hand pressed against her belly. Soo glanced over her husband as he drove with the widest grin on his face.
“Dinner was really good,” Soo said through their comfortable silence. “I think the baby really likes fried chicken.”
“Then I’ll buy her every fried chicken in the entire Seoul area,” So immediately replied.
“I want to meet him so badly,” Soo said as she touched So’s hand, holding his palm and rubbing his knuckles with her thumb. His fingers drifted over her warm sweater as he felt the most miniscule of bumps on her abdomen.
“Him?” So asked.
“Our baby.”
So gave a small nod as he understood his wife. He gently rubbed her belly and gave it a little pat. “History states that we’ll have a girl. I want girls, Hae Soo. So many daughters.”
“Yes, well genetics say we’ll only have boys,” Soo pointed out. She referred to So’s family and noticed the way his expression morphed from sheer happiness to doubt. “Is there something you’re not telling me? Why do you not want a boy?”
Focusing on the road, So pressed his lips together, and Soo noticed the way his hand pressed just a bit harder against her stomach. He remained quiet until Soo narrowed her eyes at him. “Husband,” she said, threatening him with her voice.
“Do you really want to hear about my children with Yeon Hwa?” So asked, his voice growing irritated. He took a breath and shook his head. “I’m not supposed to stress you out—”
“You avoiding my questions and not telling me why you don’t want a boy is stressing me the fuck out!” Soo immediately shouted back. She also took a moment to calm herself before letting her voice drop back to her normal tone. Soo took a deep breath and heeded her doctor’s orders to avoid stressful situations. “I need to know why you don’t want a boy. The past is the past and I may not like it, but we need to talk about it.”
Soo held So’s hand as he heaved a sigh. So fell silent as he drove into their neighborhood, passing by the gated houses with gritted teeth.
Finally, as he pulled into their driveway, So stopped the car and looked over at Soo, meeting eyes with his wife and holding her hand. He felt dirty having to speak of his past life, but with Soo’s insistence, he opened up to her. “I had a son with Yeon Hwa,” So finally stated. “And that son… led a very hard life because of me.”
Soo listened, her initial frown contorting as she registered his words. “What did you do?” she asked, her voice accusing. They remained rooted in their seats, neither even bothering to remove their seatbelts.
So sat back in his seat as Soo let go of his hand. He kept his knuckles against her, lightly touching her stomach even after her hands moved away from his. So closed his eyes and bowed his head to Soo. “I hated him,” he admitted, his voice a rush of air and his words almost indiscernible. “I abhorred him. He was the result of my… my unfaithfulness to you. He was Yeon Hwa’s triumph and I hated seeing her so gleeful, so I…” he stopped and lifted his chin to assess Soo’s expression. “I told myself he didn’t exist… and if he did, he was his mother’s mistake. He wasn’t someth—someone that I would ever claim as mine.”
So bit his cheek as Soo’s disappointment rained upon him. “Something,” she hissed, her mouth opening in disgust. “You just referred to your own child as a thing.”
“Soo, what I did was inexc—”
“Wang So,” Soo interjected, her eyes wide. “Wang So, after all your mother did to you… you wanted to force that pain onto your own child?”
“He… Ju was never…” So hung his head and pressed his hands to his forehead. “It took me ten years to fully make peace with losing you. Ten years. By then, I had three children including Seol and… And I favored her because she was yours. She lit up my life the way you had and…”
So looked into Soo’s eyes as they welled up with tears. “That doesn’t excuse the fact that your children lived without their father’s love. Husband, I don’t know what to say.”
Averting his eyes, So shook his head. “I regret my actions so much. Each harsh remark… each glare… You’re right; I became my mother.” They sat in silence and So breathed deeply, hanging his head. “I can’t seek forgiveness from a man that’s dead,” he sighed.
“You… Wang So,” Soo whispered, her hands clutching her belly. “You hurt your own children because they weren’t mine.”
So took in the sadness in her eyes and immediately shook his head. “Not this time. This time I won’t—” he stopped when Soo unbuckled her seatbelt and snatched her purse from beside her feet. “Baby, please.”
Soo left the car in a rush and So immediately followed after her, fumbling with his seatbelt and swearing when it clicked and refused to move as he wanted it to. By the time So left his car and ran for Soo, she was already shutting the front door behind her.
Snatching the door before it closed, So pushed it into the house and shouted her name.
“Soo! Please talk to me! I’m sorry!” He ran after her, ignoring Woo Hee and Baek Ah as they emerged from their shared bedroom.
“Soo!” So called, reaching for her hand. He approached his wife and gently grasped her hand, flinching when Soo turned and wrenched herself from his grasp. So froze when he saw tears streaming from her eyes.
“How could you?!” she demanded, staring up at him with rage and agony. “After all I tried to teach you and give to you… How could you do that?!”
The couple stared at each other and from afar, Baek Ah and Woo Hee watched in silent terror as Soo vented at So about a matter they did not understand.
“Soo…” So murmured, trying to convey his guilt. “I know I was wrong and I can see that now, but after you… I couldn’t…” He trailed off as Soo shook her head and held a hand up. So closed his mouth and waited as his wife walked past him.
The members of the house stared as Soo went to the linen closet and removed a blue blanket and a pillow, lugging them in her arms and glaring at So when he attempted to help her with something she could easily carry. Soo placed both on the living room sofa and crossed her arms as she faced her husband. “I don’t want to see you for the rest of the evening.”
“Soo…”
Baek Ah and Woo Hee stared with open mouths as Soo walked past So and wiped her eyes. Soo breathed deeply as she pushed into the master bedroom and shut the door behind her.
Wang So stood in the living room and stared at his bedroom door. At a loss for words, he collapsed onto the sofa, his focus still on the door. If he looked at it hard enough, he imaged his wife might open it and forgive him of the unforgivable.
Baek Ah and Woo Hee slinked back into their bedroom and silently pressed the door shut. Woo Hee sat in Baek Ah’s chair as her boyfriend leaned against a wall and held his heart. “That was like watching my parents fight,” Woo Hee whispered, shivering in place.
“The last time I heard Soo get that angry Jung was bleeding all over the kitchen,” Baek Ah said, his voice as low as Woo Hee’s. “I never thought she and So would fight. They always seemed so perfect and old couple-y.”
“I guess even the perfect ones have big fights.”
Laying alone in bed, Soo turned onto her side and held her belly, touching the place where their child grew. She did not cry, but she also did not smile. Instead, she breathed deeply and let her hand run over the little bump in her abdomen. It was so tiny that she did not even look like she had gained weight.
Her mind remained on her husband and what he had said earlier. Soo could not believe that So had become what he had abhorred, but deep beneath the grievances she had toward So’s confession, Soo understood him. And because of that understanding, she found herself unable to fall asleep in her big bed while So inhabited the sofa.
“Mommy has to suck it up and talk to Daddy, right?” Soo whispered as she stroked beneath her navel. She wore silk for some reason. It was too cold to wear silk to bed when there was no one else to warm her sheets, but Soo had liked the feel of her summer nightgown and had decided to wear it.
Pushing the covers aside, Soo sat up and ignored her slippers, opting to walk barefoot over the warm floor and creep out of her dim bedroom and into the equally dark hallway.
She gingerly walked over the wood floors, wondering if So was asleep. Soo peeked past the wall she kept her back to and looked into the living room to see So’s blanket and pillow still stacked in the place she had left them.
So sat on the sofa, holding his head in his hands and grasping at the roots of his hair. He breathed deeply, still wearing the button-up and slacks he had worn for their night out.
Soo held her arms as a chill went over her. Her dress ran past her knees but completely bared her shoulders, and she shivered as she stepped forward with an aching heart. No matter how angry she was, it hurt her to see her husband in such a state.
“Come to bed,” she said.
At the sound of Soo’s voice, So’s head immediately shot up and he stood, looking over his shivering wife and pressing his warm hands to her shoulders. “Why aren’t you wearing anything else?” he asked softly, rubbing her arms. Soo allowed him to touch her, saying she had just wanted to wear it.
“I’m sorry, Soo,” So murmured as he rubbed his callused palms over her smooth arms. He gazed down at her eyes, giving her full attention. “I’m afraid that if we have a boy… that I won’t be able to love him. I’m scared that I’ll be abusive and hurt my own child again.”
Soo listened to So’s admission before sighing and laying a hand on So’s hip. “What you did is something I think only your children can forgive. I can only guide you to being a better person.”
She raised her chin to look at her serene husband, noting the way the way shadows from the dimmed living room lights covered his face. Taking his hand, Soo pressed his palm to her belly and let him touch her. “I’m still angry with you, but I know for a fact that you love the baby inside me, and whether it’s a boy or a girl, you’ll continue to love our baby. I know you will, so come to bed and sleep.”
With a nod, So followed Soo into their bedroom an watched as she returned to bed. So adjusted course to his closet, where he undressed. He washed up in the bathroom before stepping out and walking to where Soo laid.
He knelt to the floor beside her and pressed his forehead against her belly, touching his lips to her soft shirt and to her stomach. He did not speak. Instead, he lifted Soo’s shirt and kissed her belly.
When he looked at Soo, she stared back at him, her eyes glistening as she curled her fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry, Soo,” he murmured, continuing to gaze at her as he placed his warm hand against her abdomen, covering her bellybutton.
“You can prove that to our baby,” she replied quietly. So rose and slipped over her body to lay beside her, pulling her into his arms and nuzzling against her. “I can’t forgive you for something I was never a part of… but you need to be here for our baby even if it’s a boy. You need to be its father and be present, not just because it’s my baby, but because it’s yours.”
So nodded his head, his chin lightly sliding against Soo’s hair.
“Will you help me?” he asked. “I… I need your help.”
Soo looked up at her husband and nodded her response. Draping an arm over his waist, she shifted so that her front met his. “I will always be here to help you, but even if I’m not here, you need to always be there for our children.”
“Absolutely.”