Archive of Our Own ^beta

A house party wasn’t the worst place that Joshua could imagine being on a Friday night, he decided, even if he was deemed the designated driver. The bass of the music thumped the floor and walls of the house that Joshua wasn’t so sure he knew the owner of, and people were pretty happy to split their time between sloshing their plastic cups on the makeshift dance floor in the living room and piling in the kitchen to either chat or dip their cups into the tub of jungle juice again before heading back to dance. Though Joshua wasn’t much of a party person, Jihoon asked him to be DD that night rather than making another excuse to hole up in his room and work on his music. Eager to see Jihoon finally coming out of his shell, Joshua nodded without much thought. He didn’t really care for drinking, anyway, and as far as Joshua was concerned Jihoon was such a cute drunk—overly affectionate and sweet in a way he wasn’t used to.

“Shua,” Jihoon slurred, pressing his cheek to Joshua’s shoulder. “Shua, I’m really fucked up right now.”

Amused, Joshua raised an eyebrow and chuckled. “Are you having fun?”

“Oh bitch, I feel great.”

Joshua snorted and wrapped his arm around Jihoon’s shoulders. “I’m gonna go get you some water,” he said, giving Jihoon’s shoulder a gentle squeeze before letting go.

Jihoon whined. “I don’t need water, Seokminnie already made me drink a bunch!” Joshua’s eyebrows raised again, almost impressed.

“You’ve been hanging around Seokmin?”

The way that Jihoon smiled at that, God, it made Joshua’s heart swell. He’d never be able to tell Jihoon about this when he was sober, not if Joshua wanted to make it to 25 years old. “Uh huh,” Jihoon said, giggling. “And I went to him this time.”

“Oh, look who’s taking big boy steps!” Joshua teased. “Did you guys—“

“Shua, we made out so hard,” Jihoon giggled. “I gave him a big old hickey.”

Joshua sighed. “Jihoonie I love you so much, but you’ve gotta figure out what you guys are doing.”

Jihoon whined. “Feelings are so hard.”

Sighing again, Joshua nodded solemnly. “They are. Harder when you’re drunk, aren’t they? Less complicated, but harder.”

They seemed to go off into their own worlds then, consumed by their respective thoughts, and Joshua’s finger circled the rim of his cup of water until he eventually decided he needed some fresh air. When he told this to Jihoon, made him promise not to do anything he wouldn’t do, Jihoon laughed, stumbling a little when his head tilted back. “I’ll do my best,” he said, and Joshua gave him a firm nod before heading out the back door.

As Joshua stepped outside he took a deep breath, expected his senses to be filled with the brisk, fresh air of night time in November but what he got was something entirely different--something that made him stop in his tracks as his.

“Hey man,” a quiet voice said from beside him. “You good? Gonna throw up? Don’t throw up on my porch.”

When Joshua turned to see who had spoken to him, his suspicions were confirmed and his fingers twitched at his sides, gripping the seam of his jeans as his stomach flopped. Between the fingers of a boy with wavy brown hair and pretty, pale skin, was a blunt, the end of which was still burning a warm orange and letting off smoke. “I’m not drinking,” Joshua answered, tilting his head at the boy. “You’re smoking?”

“I live here,” was all the boy said by way of explanation before taking a puff.  Joshua watched the way his jaw clenched as he held in the smoke, and took a moment to admire how pretty he looked when he did it. When he exhaled Joshua’s stomach squeezed a little, seeing the way his eyelashes fanned over his cheeks when he had them closed. “You driving people?” His eyes were still closed.

“Yeah, my friend Jihoon—“

“Oh, Jihoon’s your friend?” The boy asked, and his eyes shot open as he sat up excitedly. “I was surprised he showed up, we’ve been inviting him to these things forever. Thought it maybe just wasn’t his scene.” Joshua shrugged noncommittally, and the boy smirked at him. “This doesn’t seem like your scene, either.”

Before Joshua could retort, someone ran outside and pushed past him, looking a little panicked. The boy signed and called out, “Keep it on the grass,” before taking another hit. After exhaling he looked at Joshua, clearly a little flustered by the way his mouth hung open and his eyes were wide, and laughed. “I’m a good host, but I can’t stand when I have to hose vomit off my porch. I smoke out here.” That made Joshua laugh. “I’m Hansol, and I’m sorry that I’m very stoned because otherwise I’d get up and shake your hand.”

Joshua snorted. “It’s fine. I’m Joshua.”

Hansol’s eyebrow raised. “English?”

“Born in LA,” Joshua explained, nodding. He looked around before deciding to take a seat next to Hansol. He decided he didn’t mind the smell of weed—anything he’d ever seen or heard made it sound like it would be something unpleasant and he supposed he understood how people could feel that way, but to him it was an earthy, musky smell--sometimes almost sweet--that he could even find himself getting used to if he had to. Joshua turned to speak to Hansol but he saw that the boy’s eyes were closed again. Not wanting to pull him out of whatever thoughts he seemed so invested in, Joshua instead laughed quietly at Hansol before pulling out his phone and flipping through his different social media accounts.

“I’m going to the convenience store on the corner,” Hansol said suddenly, startling Joshua before standing up and looking down at him. “The party should still be kicking when I get back, so maybe I’ll see you around?” His eyes flickered down to Joshua’s lips, making his ears burn.

Joshua furrowed his eyebrows and cleared his throat, trying to shake off the blush. “You’re not driving, right? I could drive you.”

“I was gonna walk, actually,” Hansol answered, putting out the blunt before resting it in an ashtray. He stuffed his hands in his hoodie pockets and grinned, all teeth and squinty eyes. He looked softer when he smiled like that, Joshua noted. “I really love walks at night, especially when it’s cold like this. And I really want some fucking Pringles.”

Joshua giggled. “Let me walk with you, then.” Hansol tried to protest, but Joshua shook his head and stuck his hand out in front of him. “You’ve been a gracious host, it’s the least I can do to make sure you don’t die on your way to buy potato chips while you’re stoned.”

Hansol laughed, nose scrunching in a way that shouldn’t have been so adorable, and he sucked on his bottom lip in thought for a moment before letting it slide out of his mouth. “I’m convinced. Gotta walk back through the house, though, grab my wallet.”

Joshua nodded and followed Hansol back through the house, but as they passed the couch he made out Jihoon’s small frame, definitely in someone’s lap and definitely about two seconds away from shoving his hand down the pants of whom Joshua could only assume was Seokmin.

“Oh, good Lord,” Joshua whined and looked apologetically at Hansol, who was just as shocked, before walking over to the couch and yanking Jihoon off of Seokmin’s lap.

“What?” Jihoon snapped, wobbling just a little. “I’m busy, Shua.”

“A little too busy, it seems,” Joshua reprimanded. He shot a pointed look at Seokmin, who he’d never met previous to this very moment, and Seokmin could do nothing but give a dopey—drunken, no doubt—laugh, not even a little scandalized. “I’m taking you home.”

Jihoon whined. “But I’m having fun!”

Hansol snickered behind Joshua, making him reach back to shove lightly at his shoulder. “We’re going to the car, now. We’ll talk about this tomorrow, and don’t think you’re getting out of it.”

“You’re not my fucking mom,” Jihoon huffed, but he still stood up off the couch. He turned to Seokmin, then, who’d sat quietly with his hands in his lap as if he was waiting to be chewed out by Joshua as well. “As always, it’s been a pleasure.”

Joshua was tempted to grab Jihoon by the ear and ask him why he treats the boys he likes like business partners, but before he could Hansol poked gently at his side, making him remember why he’d come in the house in the first place. After making sure he had a good hold on Jihoon’s wrist so he wouldn’t lose him, Joshua sighed and turned to face him.

“No walk with me, then?” Hansol asked, bottom lip sticking out in a little pout that was too cute for Joshua to handle, especially when he was that sober, and his face flooded with heat as he stared at the ground, shaking his head.

“I think this one really needs to get home before he gets messier.” Joshua ignored Jihoon’s whine of I’m right here, offering Hansol a sad smile. “Maybe we could hang out sometime? I’ll even buy you some Pringles, make it even or something.”

Hansol snorted. “Yeah, or something. Can I see your phone?” Joshua nodded and, with his free hand, pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it over. Hansol made quick work of adding his contact information and hesitated a moment after locking the screen before sliding it back in Joshua’s pocket himself. His hand lingered on Joshua’s thigh for a moment and god, okay, if Joshua didn’t realize he was flirting before he definitely knew it now. “Give me a call, okay? I’ll smoke you out, if you want.” He looked down at Joshua’s lips again, smirking. “Any time.”

All Joshua could do was nod stupidly, face still bright red and only burning brighter when Hansol’s hand gave his thigh a gentle squeeze before slipping away. “I’ll definitely take you up on that,” he managed to say, and he followed it up by tugging on Jihoon’s wrist until they were making their way out the door.

“Bye-bye, Vernon!” Jihoon giggled. He spoke in English when he said it and it was near perfect—for Jihoon’s current state, Joshua was impressed, but he still shook his head and sighed, pulling his friend until they were at his car.

“I thought you’d be so cute, but you’re a messy drunk,” Joshua groaned, pushing Jihoon into the passenger seat before getting in on the driver’s side and starting the car up. “A slutty messy drunk. What are you going to do about Seokmin?”

Jihoon whined and pressed his cheek against the window. “I don’t want to talk about Seokmin.”

“You’re gonna have to talk about Seokmin eventually, Jihoonie.”

Jihoon whined again. “I like him so much, Shua. He’s so pretty. He knows how to kiss me, and his thighs—“

“Stop, stop, no, don’t do that,” Joshua interjected a little frantically. “Why aren’t you two like, a real thing then? He obviously likes you, too.” He pulled up to a red light and took the opportunity to look over at Jihoon, who looked so sad and small like this. It nearly broke his heart, until he remembered that Jihoon was the reason they had to leave the party in the first place.

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, because Jihoon’s face crumpled and tears started streaming down his cheeks. “I don’t know, Shua,” he said, and then Jihoon’s face was in his hands as he sobbed.

Oh, and that did break Joshua’s heart. “Jihoonie, take a breath,” he said, doing his best to console him while still keeping his eyes on the road. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow, I’m sorry.” Jihoon just nodded, but continued to cry in Joshua’s passenger seat.

They spent the rest of the ride like that, Jihoon crying quietly and Joshua on edge because of it, until they pulled into the driveway of their shared apartment. When Joshua put his car in park he looked over at Jihoon, who’d taken to curling up as best as he could in the seat of the car, facing away from Joshua with his forehead pressed firmly against the window. “We’re here,” Joshua whispered, reaching out to rub his hand soothingly at Jihoon’s back. “Do you need help getting out of the car?”

Jihoon let out a sniffle, a whimper, then raised his head a little pathetically. “I’ll be fine,” he replied, voice barely audible. “I’m sorry, Shua. I ruined your night.”

“It wasn’t my night to begin with,” Joshua said, and despite what Jihoon said he got out of the car and walked over to the passenger side before opening the door, helping Jihoon stand. “We all just wanted you to have fun. You’ve been so stressed.”

“I know you have been too, though,” Jihoon answered, and Joshua tensed up on hearing it, but he went on. “I still wanted you to have fun, even though you were driving me. Did you have fun with Vernon? I feel like I knew you two would click.”

Joshua’s face screwed up in confusion. “Hansol?” He asked.  They made it to the front door but they lingered there—Joshua watched Jihoon pull a cigarette out of his jacket pocket and noted that he must have cried himself into something at least semi-sober, because he lit it without issue. “Thanks for smoking that out here,” Joshua mumbled.

Jihoon nodded in response. “Hansol, Vernon—same deal.” He took a drag off of his cigarette and after a long moment he exhaled slowly, away from Joshua. “Just depends who he’s with, I guess, how he introduces himself. Vernon probably sounds better publicity-wise, in a music producing class.” After taking another long drag, Jihoon coughed and looked at the ground before dropping his cigarette and promptly stomping it out. “Hey, turn around. I’m gonna throw up.”

Without much hesitation Joshua complied, turning his back so he couldn’t see Jihoon bending over the railing of their porch. He heard it, though--the retching noises that were without a doubt shaking Jihoon to his core—and cringed hard, only turning back around after Jihoon coughed a few final times before falling silent. “You okay?” Joshua asked, rubbing small circles into the space between Jihoon’s shoulder blades.

Jihoon nodded. “Yeah. Sorry, I—” But all Joshua needed to do was shake his head for him to cut himself off.

When the two made it inside Joshua flipped on the lights, making him realize how ghostly Jihoon looked like this. “You gotta get to bed,” he said, already guiding Jihoon towards his bedroom. “I’ll bring you a glass of water, okay? And leave some aspirin on your table.”

Jihoon nodded and, when they stood in the doorway to his room, sniffled a little pathetically. “Thank you, Shua.” For a moment, Joshua was worried he would start crying again, but instead he leaned in and rested his head against Joshua’s chest and sighed softly. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Joshua chuckled at that. “I know, Jihoonie. Go to sleep now, okay? You’re still drunk and you kind of reek of alcohol and vomit.” Jihoon managed to huff out a laugh at that before stumbling away and falling down face first in his bed, making Joshua click his tongue. “No, on your side, Jihoon. I don’t want you to die tonight.”

Jihoon whined into his pillow but listened, rolling over onto his side and kicking his feet dramatically. “You’re really not my mom, Shua, I know what I’m doing.” Joshua almost rebutted with the fact that if he was about to give a drunken handjob to Seokmin, maybe he didn’t have as big a clue as he thought, but instead he just sighed and shook his head.

“I’ll be right back, Jihoon. Go to sleep.”

After delivering a glass of water and dropping three aspirin on the bedside table of an already snoring Jihoon, Joshua made his way to his own room and sat down on the corner of the bed, mind still reeling with the events of the night.

Hansol.

Quickly, Joshua brought his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his contacts until he found Hansol, and he smiled softly at the screen. He would smoke Joshua out, he said, anytime he wanted—Joshua wasn’t stupid but he had to use a little bit of context clues to figure out what that really meant, and his stomach did a little flip when he did. It wasn’t like Joshua was against smoking—it was just something that had never come up. He’d just never had the opportunity, and now that it was right there in front of him—not only the opportunity to smoke but the opportunity to smoke with a hot guy who touched Joshua’s thigh and looked at him like he was something to eat—he couldn’t find any reason not to indulge himself, just this once. The feeling it gave him, just the thought of smoking with Hansol, reminded him of the time he stole a pack of gum from the convenience store when he was in junior high. It was a weird kind of adrenaline rush where he knew what he was doing was wrong, was illegal, but there was a more wild part of him that wanted to keep doing it.

Without much thought, Joshua opened a text message to Hansol.

To → Hansol V Chwe

Hey, it’s Joshua! What are you doing on Tuesday afternoon?

Joshua hit send and tucked his phone under his chin, having kicked off his shoes and laid back against his pillows. A minute, maybe two passed until he received a response.

From → Hansol V Chwe

Hanging out with you, seems like. You wanna smoke?

To → Hansol V Chwe

I never have before. Will you show me how?

Maybe it came off as a little flirty, the innocence of it, but it was the truth and Joshua did want to smoke. Hansol didn’t seem to mind, though, because his next response came just as quickly as the last.

From →  Hansol V Chwe

No doubt. My place at 2PM?

To →  Hansol V Chwe

Sounds perfect.

~~ ~~ ~~

On Tuesday morning, Joshua woke up with a nervous knot in his stomach. He’d been texting Hansol on and off since that Friday night party, most of it meaningless flirting that left Joshua giddy with butterflies in his stomach, feeling like he was in grade school again. He’d already gotten out of bed and showered, completely ready for his day by the time his preset alarm at 10AM went off, and when he shuffled into the kitchen where Jihoon sat at the kitchen table eating breakfast, Jihoon laughed at him.

“You gotta calm down,” Jihoon said, shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth before continuing to speak. “You’re just gonna hang out and smoke, right? I swear to god, Vernon is stoned more often than he’s not, he’s not gonna be weird or anything.”

Joshua scrunched his nose. “I wish you wouldn’t talk with your mouth full,” he said curtly and, after making a lewd noise to swallow the milk in his mouth, Jihoon stuck his half-chewed cereal coated tongue out at him. “I don’t know why you’re so mean to me when just this past weekend you sobbed in my car because you like a boy and have the emotional range of an earthworm.”

Jihoon feigned hurt. “Joshua Hong, you know how to cut deep.” Joshua rolled his eyes, making Jihoon snort. “Besides, I think we’ve…figured something out? Maybe?”

Joshua’s eyes lit up. “You and Seokmin, you mean?”

“I think we’re just gonna try to be friends with benefits, or something.”

Silent for a beat, Joshua put his head in his hands. “You’re fucking…are you serious? You’re not kidding me?”

Jihoon raised his eyebrows. “What’s there to kid about? Neither of us want to be in a relationship, but we both want to hook up with each other still.”

“And you two…both like each other?”

“Yes.”

Joshua groaned. “You guys are such a mess, I swear to god.”

“Messier than you and Vernon?” Jihoon exclaimed, dropping his spoon. “You’re wearing a button down shirt and your nice jeans to go smoke weed, and you’ve been up since 7AM. He’s probably still dead ass asleep. You haven’t even been on a date yet and you’re more riled up than I’ve ever been about Seokmin.”

Joshua huffed as he poured himself a bowl of cereal. “I love you, Jihoonie, but you’re so mean to me sometimes.”

“And you to me,” Jihoon snorted back. “That’s why we’re great roommates. We’re honest, and keep each other on our toes.”

After another beat of silence, Joshua looked nervously at Jihoon. “Should I change clothes? Honest.”

“Honest? Keep the jeans, your ass looks great in them. But put on a different shirt. Something actually comfortable.”

“This is comfortable,” Joshua grumbled, sitting down at the table with his breakfast. “Has he said anything about me? Hansol?” That was a whisper, a nervous one at that, and Jihoon’s eyebrows rose.

“He thinks you’re pretty,” Jihoon said with a knowing smile. Joshua’s face immediately flooded with heat. “He doesn’t think he’s good enough for you, and I’ve been all too happy to shut that down by telling him what a little dork you are.”

“Jihoonie!” Joshua snapped, reaching across the table to shove his roommate’s shoulder but all Jihoon did was laugh, pushing Joshua’s arm off of him.

“What are you even going to do until two?” He asked, standing up from the table and walking over to the sink, where he rinsed out his bowl and set it down.

Joshua hummed. “I don’t know, I was hoping I could just bother you.”

“Unlucky for you, Seokmin will be over within the next fifteen minutes,” Jihoon said, smiling a little too much like the cat who just got the cream.

“Gross. Getting an early start, I see,” Joshua replied, cringing. “So I’m being sexiled?”

Jihoon snorted and ran his fingers through his hair, making it messy-cute in a way Joshua would never be able to pull off. “I guess so. Unless you want to hear how hard he’s going to coming after I finally get my hands on him—thanks for that, by the way. You ruined my plan to get dicked down on Friday night.”

“You were wasted!” Joshua shot back, throwing his hands in the air in disbelief. “You probably would’ve thrown up on him!”

“And we would’ve crossed that bridge when we came to it,” Jihoon grumbled. “I’m gonna go clean my room up a little bit, will you let Seokmin in when he gets here?”

Joshua hummed and nodded, but his attention was focused on his bowl of cereal and the newspaper sitting in front of him. It was rare that Jihoon even picked the newspapers up—he usually just kicked them down the hall and hoped no one would find out—let alone put it on the kitchen table. Maybe the funnies were particularly good, that week, or it was some kind of ploy to make Seokmin believed that their lives were better put together than they actually were. Joshua didn’t regularly read the newspaper, either, but it was something to keep him busy while he ate his cereal, something to at least try to keep his thoughts from trailing back to Hansol. It was a battle lost, as expected.

Jihoon mentioned he was probably still sleeping and Joshua wondered if that was true. He wondered if he’d be splayed out like a starfish across his bed with the covers kicked out all around him or if he’d sleep curled up on his side, blankets pulled up to his chin. Regardless, Joshua could easily picture his face—soft expression with his eyelashes fanned out across his cheeks the way they were when he closed his eyes while smoking at the party. A little smile might pull at his lips if he was having a good dream.

Joshua really needed to get a grip.

As if on a God-sent cue, there was a knock at the door. Joshua stood up from the table, thankful for the distraction, and after peering through the peephole he opened the door to see Seokmin standing nervously with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

“Oh, hi,” Seokmin said, and Joshua wondered if Seokmin was still worried he was going to get reprimanded for his actions on Friday night. “Is Jihoon here?”

Joshua nodded. “He’s back in his room, come on in,” he said, and Seokmin did.

“Listen,” Seokmin started, nervous smile disappearing off of his face altogether in favor of something more sincere, albeit scared. “About Friday, and just—the two of us in general, really—“

Joshua cut him off with a simple shake of his head. “Just be good to him, okay? I don’t doubt that you would be anything but good, but I have to worry. He’s my best friend.” Seokmin nodded and his eyes crinkled when he broke out into a small smile—a contagious kind that had Joshua smiling back at him. He could easily see why Jihoon was so infatuated with him. “Anyway, he’s more likely to hurt you, with that mouth and stubborn, idiot mind of his. If you need anything, you can call me. I mostly know how to deal with him.”

Seokmin laughed at that. “Mostly?” Joshua nodded and Seokmin laughed again, a happy little snort as he shook his head. “I’m gonna go back to his room now. Um.” He looked around nervously again. “I don’t know if he said anything, but—“

“No, no, I’m on my way out after I finish my breakfast,” Joshua rushed, eyes going wide. “I don’t want to interrupt, erm…again.”

Seokmin nodded, already walking back to Jihoon’s room. “You’re a good friend. A good roommate, at that,” he said. “I’ll see you around, or something?”

“Definitely, yeah,” Joshua replied.

After Seokmin had retreated back to Jihoon’s room he quickly shoved the rest of his cereal in his mouth before walking to the sink to rinse out his bowl. With Jihoon’s door still open he heard Seokmin mumble a gentle Hey on entering, but it was quickly followed by the shuffling of feet and a loud, muffled groan. The door slammed, then, leaving Joshua in silence.

Joshua blushed. “He’s really not wasting any time, is he?” He whispered to himself—a little amused, but mostly just very aware that he should leave the apartment in the next few minutes. After dropping his bowl in the sink, he considered taking Jihoon’s advice and changing clothes but that would involve walking past Jihoon’s bedroom where, despite the door being closed, Joshua could already hear the wet sound of lips smacking together and breathy, quiet moans. It wasn’t hard for Joshua to prioritize, leaving him to stuff his wallet and phone in his pocket and grab his keys before heading out the door.

He drove to a café close to Hansol’s house, figuring he could waste some time using their wifi rather than his own data while sipping on a better cup of coffee than he could make at his own place. After ordering and taking his place at a corner table he pulled out his phone, and he noticed there was a new text message from Hansol.

From → Hansol V Chwe

Did Seokmin make it to your place okay?

Joshua’s eyebrows furrowed as he typed out his response, confused.

To → Hansol V Chwe

Yeah? How did you know he was coming over?

From → Hansol V Chwe

He lives with me. Jihoon didn’t mention?

When Joshua’s drink arrived at his table and he offered a quiet thanks, eyes still on his phone. After hesitating for a moment, he typed out a message.

To → Hansol V Chwe

He didn’t! What a small, weird world. They kinda sexiled me, actually. What are you up to until two?

From → Hansol V Chwe

Nothing important. Come over now?

It was blunt, to the point, and Joshua’s gut twisted nervously. He’d told the barista for here when they asked, so his latte came to him in a pretty ceramic mug—it wasn’t like it couldn’t be easily transferred to a paper cup to go, but that brought the issue of either bringing it with him to Hansol’s house which might be weird, oh god why would it be weird? It might be weird, though, and Joshua’s only other option was to leave it in his car, where it would be forgotten and his five dollars would be wasted. In the midst of this internal panic that Joshua could admit was a little ridiculous, his phone buzzed again.

From → Hansol V Chwe

Are you a coffee drinker? I’m heading to the shop by my place to grab a late breakfast.

Joshua’s entire body flooded with relief, paired with amusement at the small coincidence.

To → Hansol V Chwe

I’m there right now, actually.  

From → Hansol V Chwe

No shit?

The bell attached to the café’s door rang as it opened, and in walked the man of the hour. The surprised noise that Joshua made caught his attention and when their eyes met, Hansol broke out into a goofy grin.

“You weren’t kidding!” Hansol exclaimed. He started to make his way towards Joshua’s table but on the way, he passed the pastry case and stopped in his tracks. “Give me like, two seconds,” he called over to Joshua, before stepping up to the counter to place an order.

Joshua laughed, shaking his head. Hansol was wearing a pair of heather grey joggers with a simple, thin black sweatshirt, and with a red beanie was pulled over his hair, Joshua never thought comfy casual could looks so good. He ordered quickly and practically bounced over to Joshua’s table, making Joshua giggle again.

“Good morning,” Hansol chirped, spinning a chair around and straddling the seat to sit backwards in it. He rested his arms on the back and his chin on top of that, sticking his tongue out to wet his lips before continuing. “So, like, Jihoon and Seokmin, right? What the fuck?”

Joshua rolled his eyes. “Don’t get me started.” Hansol snorted. “I mean it!” Joshua went on. He paused and took a sip of his drink before continuing, and Hansol watched him carefully the whole time. “I don’t doubt that they’re great together—I’ve met Seokmin all of two times, once when he was plastered, but I know that he’ll be good for Jihoon. My concern is what Jihoon will do to him.”

“You don’t see them how I do,” Hansol said, shaking his head. His drink was delivered along with a giant blueberry muffin, and he offered a toothy grin as thanks before digging in. “They’re a great team in our class, and Jihoon just…he adores Seokmin, as far as I can tell. Did you know he’s written songs just for Seokmin’s voice?” Joshua’s eyes went wide and he shook his head. “You’ve gotta give Jihoon a little more credit, man,” Hansol went on. “He’s an idiot—we all know that, but he’s got a lot of love to give and Seokmin wants so badly to help him give it.”

Joshua’s head tilted and his mouth quirked into a small smile as Hansol talked. He wasn’t looking at Joshua, opting to stare at the table and move his hands around as he talked. After he finished he took a sip of his drink—a simple drip coffee, black, already in a to go cup—and glanced up at Joshua a little nervously.

“I guess you’re right,” Joshua said, shrugging. After a moment he nudged Hansol’s foot with his own under the table. “Hey, can I ask you something? Or, maybe a few things.”

Hansol nodded. “Shoot. I’m an open book.”

“You’re…you’re gay, right?”

Hansol stared at him blankly for a moment before busting out in a full-blown laugh, head falling back with it. “You really went for that, huh?” He asked, still giggling and trying to catch his breeath. Joshua tensed, face flooding with heat out of embarrassment. After catching on to that, Hansol’s face fell. “Oh, no, no don’t freak out,” he rushed, reaching out to touch Joshua’s arm gently. “I just…Yes. I’m bi, actually, but. I was expecting a different question, is all.”

Joshua nodded, still not bringing his eyes up to meet Hansol’s. Hansol’s hand on his arm was warm, thumb stroking over and fiddling with the material of Joshua’s shirt. “What kind of question were you expecting?”

Hansol shrugged. “Something about smoking? If I’d done other drugs, or how often I do it, or something like that. Something you’d only ask if something in your gut was telling you not to hang around me.”

Joshua shifted in his seat. Those things had crossed his mind in one of his weird but not infrequent oh my god what do I even think I’m doing kinds of moods, sure, but he didn’t think it important to ask. He’d gotten past it, knowing that it wasn’t really his business unless Hansol decided to say something, anyway. He shrugged at Hansol, gulping down the last of his coffee. After he set his mug down, Joshua cleared his throat quietly.

“Can I ask you another question, then?” Hansol nodded, and in one quick move he stood up, spun his chair around the correct way and sat back down, leaning his elbows on the table. “You…On Friday, you were stoned. But also flirty.” Hansol’s bit his lip to hold in a laugh. “Was that just because of—” Joshua cleared his throat and his voice dropped to a whisper. “The weed?”

“See, that’s more of what I was expecting,” Hansol said. He took off his beanie and ran a hand through his hair, putting volume back in from where the hat had it pressed down and ducked his head, biting at his bottom lip as he grinned. “I am trying so hard not to laugh again, because I don’t want you to get upset but oh my god,” he said, giggling and shaking his head. “You’re so cute.” Joshua blushed harder still. “It wasn’t because of the weed,” Hansol said, mimicking Joshua’s tone of voice. “You’re like, really fucking pretty. And you live with Jihoon? You deserve one hell of a shot for putting up with him.” He looked at Joshua then, a little confused. “You didn’t think I flirted with you just because I was high, did you?”

Joshua shrugged and swallowed nervously. His ears still burned.

“I would’ve flirted with you regardless,” Hansol said, giving Joshua’s arm a gentle squeeze. “I think I might like you a little bit. And tell me if I’m wrong, but you seem to like me a little bit, too.”

Joshua nodded, bashfully because no one had ever really called him out like that, and Hansol grinned at him. “Sorry if I seem anxious,” he said. “I just—I am. A little anxious.”

“I’ll take good care of you today,” Hansol replied, reaching out to take Joshua’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “You don’t have anything to worry about.”

That made Joshua laugh. “If you say so.”

“Let’s get out of here,” Hansol said decidedly, standing up from the table. He grabbed his cup of coffee with his free hand and looked down at the other, still linked with Joshua’s. “I walked over here, so--is it okay if I ride shotgun with you back to my place?”

Joshua nodded, standing up from the table as well, and followed Hansol out the door before taking the lead and bringing the two of them to his car.

It was a short drive—the café was really only a few blocks down the road from Hansol’s house but their hands stayed clasped together the whole way. When they pulled up to the house Joshua managed to pull a perfect parallel park, one that he secretly hoped Hansol would find as impressive as he did himself, and as he got out of the car, Joshua noticed just how vastly different the house looked during the day. It wasn’t that it looked shabby at night, or that Joshua expected it to look bad, but he still found himself surprised that the place was nice. It was two stories and painted a soft blue color with white shudders, and the porch was decorated with matching chairs. It didn’t look at all like a house run by college students.

“We can go straight up to my room,” Hansol said as they made their way up the sidewalk and, eventually, through the front door. “There’s a little bit of drama going on that, frankly, I’m too sober to be a part of.”

Joshua chuckled, but tilted his head. “Drama?” He asked but Hansol shut him down, shaking his head before jerking it towards the living room where two other boys sat on the couch. Joshua recognized one of them Seungcheol, an older classmate of Jihoon’s that had come over a few times to study. His arms were wrapped tightly around a boy with bright blue hair that was crying loudly, shoulders shaking slightly with each sob. Joshua watched them for a moment, standing dumbly at the foot of the staircase, until he felt Hansol’s lips brush against his ear.

“I’ll tell you later,” he whispered, making Joshua shiver. “Come on.”

Joshua listened and, as he followed Hansol up the stairs, he felt a little bit like he was in every queer young adult romance novel ever conceived. When the pair made it to Hansol’s room, the door shut behind them, and that same feeling flared in his belly again. “So,” he said, keeping his hands folded in front of him and his eyes on Hansol. “Is he—what?”

Hansol laughed half-heartedly, maybe a little sad, before flopping on his bed with a sigh. “That was Soonyoung, crying. You know Seungcheol, I think? He’s mentioned hanging with Jihoon a few times, so it’s likely you’ve crossed paths.” When Joshua nodded, Hansol continued. “They, along with Seokmin, are my housemates. Soonyoung had a crush on Jihoon.”

Joshua’s jaw dropped.

“It was kind of gross, seeing them together,” Hansol explained. “They were this sickening kind of flirty, but nothing ever came of it. It kind of just fizzled out, but Soonyoung…his feelings lingered. And then Seokmin took interest and really took the initiative that Soonyoung never did, and now…here we are.”

Realizing he was still standing by the closed door, Joshua crossed the room to sit on the edge of Hansol’s bed. “I had no clue,” he said, face screwed up a little as he stared at the floor. “He must be heartbroken.” Hansol made a small noise of agreement, and Joshua shifted until he was fully on the bed, sitting cross legged across from him. “Does Jihoon have any idea?”

Hansol shrugged. “I doubt it.” When silence fell between them momentarily it wasn’t tense, but Hansol cleared his throat to catch Joshua’s attention once more before speaking up. “Do you wanna smoke?”

Joshua lifted his head up to look at Hansol, knowing the flicker of fear was evident on his face. “Yeah,” he said, and though he tried to say it with confidence, Hansol took notice of the way his voice wavered.

“We don’t have to,” Hansol replied, and it was sincere. He put his hand on Joshua’s knee and gave it a squeeze. “I want to spend time with you either way, okay? And if you don’t want to, that’s like, totally cool.”

Joshua huffed out a breath. “It shouldn’t be this scary to me,” he groaned, annoyed with himself. “I should be this, like, older and cooler guy to you but I look like such an idiot.”

“But I get that it is scary,” Hansol said. “It’s a new experience, and you don’t know what it’ll feel like. It’s scary as shit. You don’t look like an idiot.” Joshua nodded, and Hansol offered him a small, warm smile. “But I meant what I said. I’ll take care of you, if you need it.”

Heart fluttering and cheeks dusting with pink, Joshua glanced down at Hansol’s hand, still on his knee. His thumb was doing that stroking thing again, soft but firm in its movements. “Okay,” he said finally. “Okay, let’s do it.”

Hansol’s smile gew into a full blown toothy grin. “Yaaaay,” He said, shimmying his shoulders a little, making Joshua snort. Hansol reached over to his bedside table and opened the drawer, retrieving a small tray before laying it on the bed between them.

The first thing that caught Joshua’s attention was what he knew was a glass pipe—it was a small piece with minimal decorations, save for the stripes of pastel pink and blue that wrapped around it. Along with it were a few lighters of varying sizes, a half-full ashtray, and a pack of rolling papers. Sitting beside the ashtray was a small metal cylinder made up of three different layers stacked together, and Joshua couldn’t quite place what it was until Hansol unscrewed the middle layer. Sitting atop a small metal screen was a pile of bud, finely ground.

“That’s a grinder,” Joshua whispered, stating it more than asking but Hansol still nodded, keeping his eyes downcast and lips pursed as he began to pack the bowl. The smell that drifted up from it wasn’t as overwhelming as Joshua thought it would be—only a little more pungent than what was floating around him on Friday—which was relieving, and it was almost calming to watch Hansol methodically filter the ground up bud from the grinder into the piece. It reminded him of the way Jihoon made coffee in the mornings—it was familiar to him, a routine, and he could rely on muscle memory to do it perfectly each time.

“I figured,” Hansol started, eyebrows furrowed as he packed the bowl down with the tip of his finger before adding to it, “that this would be easiest for your first time. Blunts are more harsh and bongs…bongs are not fun. I don’t like bongs.”

Joshua laughed at that, a giddy little thing that was more out of anticipation than anything else. “It’s really pretty,” he said offhandedly, motioning towards the pipe.

“Thank you,” Hansol replied, smiling. “Soonyoung gave it to me for my birthday last year.” After he seemed satisfied with how tightly packed the bowl was, Hansol held it out to Joshua. “Want the honors of the first hit?”

Joshua blushed, taking the piece with shaking hands. He wasn’t quite sure how he was supposed to hold it so it rested in his palm and he knew he must have looked ridiculous. “How do you do it?” He asked, and Hansol apparently forgot how completely new Joshua was to this because he blushed too, looking a little embarrassed.

“Oh, oh!” He exclaimed, scrambling to help Joshua hold the bowl properly in his hand. “’m sorry,” he mumbled, moving Joshua’s hand until it was holding the heavy end of the bowl between his thumb and index finger, making sure his index finger wrapped around to cover the small hole on the side of the piece.

“Keep your finger on that hole, okay?” Hansol explained, tapping Joshua’s finger with his own. “That’s the carb. When I light it you’ll breathe in until the chamber is full of smoke, then you let off the carb and inhale until the chamber is clear.”

Joshua nodded, letting Hansol lead the pipe up to his mouth, and it was then that it really hit him that this was happening. Every brush of Hansol’s fingertips against his own was gentle, so gentle, and Joshua couldn’t stop his hands from trembling when Hansol flicked on the lighter with his free hand. “Wrap your lips around the piece,” Hansol said softly, bringing the lighter up to the bowl. “And inhale.” As Joshua did as he was told, beginning to breathe in slowly, Hansol held the flame over the bud until it began to burn.

Glancing down, Joshua watched as the chamber of the piece began to fill with smoke, thick and milky. Hansol hummed as he watched, expression unreadable. Joshua continued to breathe in until the smoke began to fill his mouth and Hansol must have seen the almost panicked expression come across his face because he said, “take your finger off the carb and take in the smoke.”

Though his lungs were beginning to burn Joshua listened, lifting his finger off the small hole in the piece and inhaling the smoke in one quick take, letting Hansol take the piece out of his hand after that. He wanted to cough, but more than that and a little stupidly, he wanted to impress Hansol, so he fought the urge and held his breath for a moment more before exhaling, and it was then that he realized how close Hansol was to him. He was leaning forward on his hands, leaving maybe half a foot between their faces, and his eyes were locked on Joshua’s lips in a way that had Joshua’s face and neck flushing under the attention.

“Shit,” was all Hansol said for a long moment, licking his lips while still staring at Joshua’s own, a little disbelieving. “You’re good at that.”

That only made Joshua blush harder, and he looked away from Hansol to try and collect himself. “’s just choir breathing,” he mumbled, bringing a hand up to rub nervously at the back of his neck. Hansol laughed before going quiet again, and it was the flick of the lighter that got Joshua to finally look back at him, just in time to watch Hansol take a hit of his own. The process was a lot quicker than it felt, he realized, because in a matter of seconds Hansol was passing the piece back to him, still cherried, before letting the smoke escape his mouth in a thick cloud.

They went back and forth like this, passing the bowl between them in near silence to keep the light going, and it was the first time that the air felt tense between them. Maybe it was the two—then three, then four—decently sized hits that Joshua had taken starting to get to him, but the way that Hansol watched him when he smoked, the same way that Joshua could only assume he watched Hansol, made Joshua feel like he was something to eat. With one last hit, Hansol killed the light in the bowl, and set it down on the tray still sitting between them before exhaling.

“How do you feel?” Hansol said, looking at Joshua earnestly. His eyes were a little red around the edges, glassy, and he’d taken to slumping and resting his elbows on his knees, chin propped in his hands. “I didn’t get high my first time, so.”

Joshua took a moment to think about it. His head felt a little cloudy, but it was a similar feeling to when he smoked a cigarette for the first time—a little lightheaded for not being used to smoke being in his body in the first place, but otherwise he didn’t feel very different. “I don’t know,” he answered honestly, giving Hansol a small shrug. “Are you high?”

Hansol shrugged. “Maybe. It takes me a minute to really tell. Just give it some time,” he said. “I have a pretty good feeling you’ll get there, though. You’re…seriously too good at this, for it to be your first time.”

Joshua laughed, a little huff of an exhale out of his nose. “Tell me about your first time?”

“Oh god,” Hansol groaned, eyes going wide. “Are you sure?” Joshua nodded, and Hansol groaned again into his hands. “Give me like, two seconds to build up the courage to tell you how stupid I was.” He looked Joshua up and down, then, just a quick glance, before giving him a weird look. “Do you want a hoodie, or something? How are you comfortable in that shirt?”

Joshua glanced at the floor, blushing. “Jihoon said I should change, but Seokmin got there before I could and I—“

“Mm, say no more,” Hansol interrupted. He stood up from the bed and walked to the closet, plucking a soft looking sweatshirt, forest green and definitely way too big, from a hanger before tossing it in Joshua’s direction. “You look really nice, don’t get me wrong. Like…really good, but. You definitely won’t be comfortable in a while.”

Joshua nodded. “Um,” he stammered, glancing around the room nervously. “Do you mind…?” He made a gesture with his hand and he was thankful that Hansol understood, turning around to face the corner so Joshua could change. He made quick work of unbuttoning his shirt and letting it fall off his shoulders onto the bed before pulling on the sweatshirt, and he blushed deep when what he could only assume was Hansol’s smell flooded his senses. “You can look now.”

When Hansol turned back around and looked Joshua over again, his cheeks tinged pink like they’d just been pinched. “That looks nice on you,” he mumbled. He didn’t make eye contact.

“Thank you,” Joshua said, grinning cheekily. He figured he should fold his shirt and put it somewhere other than the bed, where it was bound to get wrinkled beyond belief, and as he shifted on the bed he had a vague memory of the first time he drank with Jihoon. They sat at a bar for an hour, pounding back shots and while Jihoon almost immediately felt the effects, it had taken until Joshua stood up to go to the bathroom for the room to start spinning.

As expected, when Joshua stood up off the bed, his legs felt completely separate from his body and he stumbled a little. Hansol chuckled. “You alright?” He asked, already back in his spot on the bed. When had he crossed the room again? Had Joshua been looking away longer than he thought?

Joshua all but flung his shirt across the back of Hansol’s desk chair, care thrown to the wind. “Uh?” Is all he said in response, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to find other words but could only find himself giggling. “I think I’m a little high.”

Hansol laughed, and though Joshua knew it wasn’t at him, his face flooded with heat as he stared at the ground. “Come here,” Hansol said, patting the mattress beside him. Joshua nodded and, with a little struggle trying to figure out how his limbs worked, he climbed back on the bed. This time he was next to Hansol, and he immediately leaned into his side, pressing his cheek to Hansol’s shoulder. “How are you feeling now?”

Joshua snorted. “Good, I think. A little fuzzy,” he said. He was speaking so softly, he knew, but he was afraid that if he spoke at any other volume he would be yelling. After lifting his head up and looking at Hansol, Joshua felt a smile spread across his face. “It’s kinda cool.”

“It kinda is,” Hansol agreed, smiling back at him. He leaned back against his headboard and pulled Joshua along with him, and Joshua let himself be moved until his head was resting on Hansol’s chest. “Anything else? No panic, regret, that kind of stuff?”

After taking a moment to thinking about it, Joshua shook his head. “I kinda wanna call Jihoon because I know it’ll entertain him, but he’s definitely balls deep in Seokmin at this point.”

Hansol laughed hard at that, rattling Joshua a little as his chest shook with it. “Oh my god,” he said. He cleared his throat, then went on. “So, my first time smoking? Is that still a thing you wanna hear about?”

Joshua nodded, and Hansol let out a small sigh. “I was in my last year of high school,” he started, and as he spoke he brought a hand up and carded it through Joshua’s hair, letting the soft strands slide between his fingers. Joshua practically purred, thinking nothing had ever felt so good. “I was with my girlfriend at the time. Her parents were out of town, and we fucked for the first time on the couch in her basement.” Joshua blushed again—against his will and better judgement, his head flooded with thoughts and images of what Hansol must have looked like, how the muscles in his back would shift and how his face must’ve twisted in pleasure. “We were getting dressed again, and her older brother came downstairs.”

“Did he know?” Joshua asked, and he let his eyes drift shut. He wasn’t tired, but the way Hansol kept playing with his hair was leaving him so sated that it was harder to keep them open.

Hansol hummed. “He must have,” he answered. “He asked us if we were decent, and I was still so cum-stupid that I just yelled.” Hansol laughed a little as he said that, and it made Joshua’s heart warm. “He told us he had some friends coming over to smoke, and he told us not to tell their mom. Sunny, she—that was her name, my girlfriend—uh, she told her brother that she wouldn’t tell, but only if he gave us some.”

“But didn’t he know that you guys just had sex?”

“He didn’t have any proof of it, and that’s exactly what Sunny told him,” Hansol said, chuckling again. “He gave us a blunt and we went up to her room to smoke it that same night. We stuffed a towel under her door and faced a fan out the window to keep the room from getting smokey—we didn’t even have a lighter, just an old book of matches. Half of them snapped when we tried to light them.”

Joshua laughed, too. “And you didn’t even get high from it?”

Hansol shook his head. “It was crappy ditch weed, mostly stems. We thought we were the shit though, me and Sunny. We fucked and smoked for the first time, all in the same day. All in the span of twelve hours.”

“That’s not that embarrassing,” Joshua said. “It’s kinda badass, for still being in high school.” He was curled up on his side between Hansol’s spread legs, head still pressed to his chest and he figured that if it stayed that way he would fall asleep, despite how tired he wasn’t.

“Why’re you moving?” Hansol whined, his hand falling out of Joshua’s hair as he sat up.

“I don’t wanna fall asleep,” Joshua answered, and he giggled as he did. The world felt heavy around them, even as Joshua sat up, and his eyes were heavy. “Lemme ask you something,” he said, poking at Hansol’s side 

Hansol hummed, nodded, and sat up a little straighter before reaching into the drawer of his bedside table again to pull out a blunt, short and tightly rolled. “Want some? Hits harder than the bowl, like a cigarette but…there’s no filter? So it’s a lot harsher. You gotta take a more shallow breath.”

Joshua nodded without much thought, then asked, “Have you ever kissed someone while you were high?”

It took Hansol a moment to answer with the blunt between his lips. He lit it and took a long drag off of it, coughing a little on exhaling before holding it out to Joshua and nodding. “Kissed, sucked, fucked. Hell, I’ve grocery shopped, and that’s the only thing on that list I wouldn’t recommend. We had about two weeks’ worth of velveeta shells and cheese.”

Joshua giggled, taking the blunt between his fingers. Despite what Hansol told him he took the same kind of deep breath he would’ve with the bowl, feeling a little too self-confident. Almost immediately his mouth and throat filled with smoke and he nearly dropped the blunt on the bed as he fell into a coughing fit.

“Oh god, babe, what did I say?” Hansol asked, taking the blunt from Joshua’s fingers and placing it carefully over the ashtray before reaching out to rub soothing circles over his back. “Are you okay? Do you need water?”

Still coughing, Joshua nodded. “Water. S-sorry,” he spluttered, but Hansol just shook his head and handed him a glass of water that was already sitting on the bedside table.

“Don’t apologize, just breathe. Take a drink,” Hansol said.

Joshua nodded again and tried to even his breathing until the ability to keep his coughs down came easier, and he took a few small sips of water. With his eyes closed to help him focus, Joshua let out a few last coughs that made his eyes water, then settled down.

“Sorry,” Joshua said again, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. His voice had gone gravelly and it felt like a ten pound weight was resting on his chest.

Hansol hummed, reaching out to take the blunt again. “Really, don’t be,” he replied. “It happens to the best of us. Should’ve had fresher water ready for you, it’s better when it’s cold.” After taking a drag he reached out to tap ash off of it before holding it out to Joshua again. “Do you want any more?”

Joshua stared at it a little too long, and Hansol piped up again. “It’s cool if you’re done. Coughing fits can be a little jarring.”

“Maybe,” Joshua hummed, tapping at his lips with his index finger and staring down at the comforter, making little patterns in the pills of fabric with his eyes. “Maybe we can shotgun, or something? Is that a thing, or is it just an urban legend, like games of seven minutes in heaven?”

Hansol laughed. “It’s a thing, but if you want to make out you can just say so.” Joshua looked up at him, eyes shocked wide open, which made a similar expression fall on Hansol’s face. “I—unless that’s not—I shouldn’t have assumed—“

“No, nono,” Joshua said quickly. “I—I want to.”

Hansol’s eyebrows rose. “You do?”

“Yeah,” Joshua mumbled, nodding shyly. “Do…do you?”

“Yeah.”

Maybe it was because Joshua was high, and that time didn’t really seem to work the way it did before, but what happened next seemed to come to him in slow motion, though it couldn’t have taken more than a few seconds. Hansol ashed the end of the blunt and dropped it the tray before moving forward, taking hold of either side of Joshua’s face with his hands. After brushing their noses together, Hansol closed the last of the distance between them and kissed Joshua.

It was weird, Joshua decided. Kissing while he was high was weird. Like his legs when he was trying to walk earlier, his lips didn’t really feel like they were a part of his body but as they moved on their own accord, Joshua felt everything. Hansol’s lips were wet—he’d probably licked them before kissing him but Joshua didn’t mind. Their lips slid together easier because of it, and before Joshua could register what was happening he was kissing Hansol harder, deeper, reaching out to ball the fabric of Hansol’s shirt in his fist as he climbed into Hansol’s lap. It was weird, yes, but Joshua’s entire body itched for more.

Breaking the kiss with a panting gasp, Hansol whimpered, “Fuck.”

Joshua looked at him then—took a moment to take everything in. Hansol’s bloodshot eyes matched the color of his spit-slick lips, which parted in a way that was way too damn pretty as he tried to catch his breath, chest heaving a little as he did so. Joshua felt Hansol’s hands on his hips, then, holding him in his place on his lap. Absentmindedly, Joshua wondered if he looked just as debauched.

“Hey,” Hansol whispered, giving Joshua’s hips a gentle squeeze. Joshua hummed in acknowledgement, eyes still looking over Hansol’s body. When his eyes fell on the outline of Hansol’s cock, semi-hard in his pants, he blushed. “Shua, look at me.”

The nickname caught his attention, and Joshua’s glance shot up to meet Hansol’s. “Jihoon’s the only one that’s ever called me that.”

Hansol giggled. “That’s all he ever calls you, even when you’re not around. But—listen, yeah?” He licked his lips again and removed a hand from Joshua’s hip to run it through his hair. “This isn’t…this isn’t just because I’m stoned, you know that right?”

Joshua made a small, noncommittal noise, averting his eyes.

“Seriously,” Hansol went on. “Since we met I’ve been so…I’ve been smitten with you. I think you’re cool. I think you’re hot,” he said, and Joshua felt himself blush. “If we didn’t smoke today I think I still would’ve tried to at least kiss you. This is kind of a weird, half-assed confession considering the position we’re in, but. I meant it when I said I think I kinda like you.”

Joshua smiled softly. “I think I kinda like you, too,” he said.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Joshua laughed. “And I think I kinda want to keep kissing you,” he said and, feeling a little bold, he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Hansol’s mouth. Hansol chased his mouth when he pulled away, making Joshua chuckle. “And I think I kinda want you to keep your hands on me.” Another kiss, to the opposite corner this time. “And I think I kinda want to touch you.”

The groan Hansol tried to let out was cut off when Joshua sealed their lips together again. The kisses they traded were dirty this time, unashamedly sloppy as they licked into each other’s mouths and nipped at each other’s lips. “You’re so fucking hot,” Hansol growled, pulling away from Joshua only to start mouthing at his neck and Joshua whined, draping his arms over Hansol’s shoulders before letting his hands tangle in his hair. It was so soft between his fingers and as Hansol dropped wet kisses and bites at his neck before leaving what Joshua knew was going to be a nasty bruise, all of Joshua’s nerves felt like they were on fire.

“Feels so good,” Joshua whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut and biting at his bottom lip to keep from moaning. “You’re so good.”

Hansol sighed at the praise and slid his hands from Joshua’s hips down to grab at his ass and Joshua did moan at that, loud and needy, pushing back into the touch and dropping his head to lay on Hansol’s shoulder.

“You okay?” Hansol whispered, dropping little kisses over the shell of Joshua’s ear as he continued to knead at his ass. He spread his fingers on both hands to cover the expanse of it before squeezing softly, making Joshua whimper. “Do we need to stop?”

Joshua let out a shaky breath before lifting his head and giving Hansol a chaste kiss. “I’m okay,” he said, and the voice that came out of him sounded nothing like his own. “I just--Feels like so much. Wanna touch you. Can I?”

Hansol’s mouth parted and his eyes went wide. “Please.” Immediately, Joshua’s hands untangled from Hansol’s hair and scrambled palm at the outline of Hansol’s cock in his joggers and Hansol groaned loudly. “Please,” he said again, borderline begging, and Joshua laughed.

“And you think I’m so hot,” he said. “Do you want more?” When Hansol whimpered and nodded, Joshua giggled again before sliding his hand under the waistband of Hansol’s pants and then his boxers before wrapping his fingers around Hansol’s length, warm and heavy as it sat hard in his hand. “You feel so nice,” Joshua mused, giving a gentle tug to pull a high whine out of Hansol. “Can I see?”

Hansol nodded quickly and, before Joshua could say anything about it, shoved his pants halfway down his thighs. Joshua was right—Hansol was decently sized, considering he wasn’t the tallest guy and he was thick too, and Joshua’s mouth damn near watered when he saw the bead of precum building in his tip. Almost experimentally, Joshua slid his hand up Hansol’s cock, twisting his wrist slightly, thumbing over the head to swipe at that precum he so badly wanted to put in his mouth.

“Fuck, fuck fuck fuck,” Hansol babbled, bucking up into Joshua’s hand. “God, your hands, how are you even real.”

Joshua would’ve laughed again if he had the audacity but all he could manage to do was blush and repeat the same motion, gasping a little at Hansol’s reaction. “Does it feel good?” He asked, licking his lips, and it was then that Joshua needed to shift, sitting between Hansol’s legs rather than straddling his thighs because he was getting uncomfortably hard in his own jeans.

Hansol nodded, eyes falling shut as his head tipped back against the headboard. “You can go faster, though,” he said, panting as he tried to catch his breath. “Tighter. Keep—your wrist. Keep twisting itlikethatyes.”

Joshua hummed as he tightened his grip on Hansol’s cock. “You’re being so good for me,” he whispered as he found a rhythm, jerking him off fast and rough, twisting his wrist on every upstroke like he was told. Joshua felt almost relaxed like this, sitting back on his heels while he made Hansol feel whine and moan, watching his hands grip at the pillows around him. His chest heaved, and Joshua wondered if it would be just as flushed as his face and neck. With his free hand, Joshua pushed Hansol’s shirt up his stomach.

Hansol caught on and pulled his sweatshirt over his head easily before throwing to the floor, and Joshua bit his lip again to keep from groaning because, though his suspicions were confirmed and his chest was splotchy red, Joshua saw that Hansol was fit. He wasn’t like, shredded or anything, but he was slender, toned, and Joshua felt his dick twitch from where it was still constrained in his jeans just from looking at Hansol.

“A little distracted?” Hansol asked, voice all breathy as he giggled a little at Joshua.

“Shut up,” Joshua said, smacking Hansol’s bare thigh hard with his open palm. Hansol’s eyes went a little darker when he did, whimpering and cock twitching in Joshua’s hand and wow, okay, Joshua would have to file that one in his mind for a later time. “You’re like, ridiculously attractive is all.”

Hansol licked his lips. “Look who’s talking.” Keeping his eyes locked on Joshua’s he rolled his hips up, fucking into Joshua’s fist. “Mm, I’m gonna cum if you keep going like you were earlier.”

“Isn’t that sorta the endgame plan of this?” Joshua asked, giggling. “I’m not, like, afraid of cum.” He swiped his thumb over the slit of Hansol’s cock again as he spoke, spreading the precum that had gathered there over the head in slow, teasing circles that made Hansol shudder and shake out a quiet moan underneath him.

“I never—I never said that, but I—fuck, don’t stop doingthatrightthere,” Hansol whined, hands scrambling to grab at Joshua’s shoulders. His nails dug in and would surely leave little marks but Joshua didn’t care, couldn’t do anything but smirk when he gave Hansol’s cock one last tug before letting go entirely.

The noise that ripped from Hansol’s throat was hardly human—high pitched and gravelly, it wracked his entire frame and Hansol shook with the force of it for a few moments after he went quiet. “You’re mean,” he whimpered, letting his head fall back again. “I was gonna cum and you—you just—“

“It just seemed like you had something to tell me,” Joshua said, smiling sweetly. If this was a thing for Hansol, he was gonna milk it for all it was worth. “Besides, I’d rather you cum in my mouth.”

Hansol’s breath hitched, his expression going soft. “How high are you right now? This is important.”

Joshua hummed, easily figuring what Hansol was getting at. “Out of ten? Like, a four. High enough for everything to feel…really good,” he said, blushing as he gave Hansol a shy smile. “But not high enough for you to worry that you’re taking advantage of me.”

“That’s good to know,” Hansol said, smiling back. “And you want to blow me?”

“Really bad, yeah.”

Hansol huffed out a quiet laugh. “I won’t last more than a minute,” he said.

Joshua shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”

After hesitating for a moment, Hansol spoke up again. “I don’t have a condom. I—I’m clean, I got tested a few weeks ago actually, and nothing has happened since then, but I don’t want to make you—if you don’t want--“

“Stop making this so hard,” Joshua whined a little childishly, sliding down the bed and laying on his stomach before pressing his face into Hansol’s hip. The skin was warm, and the feeling of his head falling and rising with every breath Hansol took soothed him. “You’re clean, you said? And you want me to blow you, too?” When Hansol nodded, Joshua smiled. “I’m gonna swallow, if that’s okay.”

Joshua dropped a wet kiss on Hansol’s hipbone and, before Hansol could even think to say anything of it, took the entirety of his length into his mouth.

“Oh, fuck,” Hansol moaned, hands tangling in Joshua’s hair.

He felt thicker, laying in Joshua’s mouth, and this was definitely his lack of sobriety speaking but dick had never tasted so good. Joshua bobbed his head up and down, letting his tongue press flat against the underside. Absently, one of his hands slipped down to unbutton and unzip his jeans. He wrapped his hand around the outline of his cock, hard in his boxer briefs, and groaned. The vibrations rattled Hansol’s body.

“I’m gonna cum,” he whimpered, sounding close to tears when his fingers tightened in Joshua’s hair.

Josuhua hummed in acknowledgement before sliding his mouth almost completely off to lick at the head of Hansol’s cock, toying with him. The teasing motion which made Hansol shudder only lasted a moment though because, as he slipped his hand into his underwear and started to jerk himself off, Joshua slid his mouth back down onto Hansol’s length, not stopping until it bumped the back of his throat and his nose was pressed up against the base.

Hansol’s hips jumped, trying to get impossibly closer, and he panted out a yelp. “Oh my god, oh my god oh my god,” he whined, and all it took was Joshua making a soft, wet choking sound before swallowing around him for Hansol to cum with a low, almost primal grunt. He was beautiful, Joshua could see that as he stared up at Hansol through his eyelashes—with his mouth open and jaw slack, back arching and muscles tensing, Joshua never thought he’d see something prettier.

Joshua stayed in his place, swallowing around Hansol again to work him through his orgasm and keep anything from spilling out of his mouth, and he jerked himself off slow—almost teasing—all the way through it. When Hansol came down he let out an almost pained moan, probably from overstimulation, seeing how Joshua had been using his tongue to tease him, Joshua slipped off of him with an obscene popping sound. He let his eyes fall shut again, leaning his forehead onto Hansol’s hip as he bucked into his hand with a quiet, pleasured sound.

“Oh my god,” Hansol said again, and when Joshua peeked his eyes open he saw Hansol staring at him, breathing hard and open-mouthed as he tucked himself back into his boxers and pulled up his pants with still-trembling hands. “Can I—I want to watch. Can I watch?”

Joshua whimpered in response, but nodded. He let himself be moved up the bed and onto his back, essentially trading spots with Hansol, still keeping his fist closed around his cock as Hansol shoved his jeans down his thighs. Joshua let out a shaky breath when Hansol’s hands gripped his sides, thumbs rubbing little circles over his hipbones. “Y-your sweatshirt,” He said as an afterthought, suddenly realizing that if things kept going this way it was bound to be ruined.

Hansol blushed, glancing to the side. “Keep it on.”

If Joshua was more sober and less turned on he might have laughed, but the only noise that came out of him was a broken moan, his stomach flooding with heat. “You’re a little kinky,” he said, keeping himself from fucking into his fist in order to keep a little composure. “Watching me get myself off, wearing your clothes.”

Hansol only blushed harder.

“And don’t think I didn’t notice the look you had when I smacked your thigh, or when I told you how good you were being for me,” Joshua went on. As he spoke, his voice became breathier and higher in pitch. “Look at me, Hansol.”

Immediately Hansol’s gaze fell back on him, and Joshua couldn’t help but smirk. He picked up the pace, now that Hansol was watching him, jerking himself off hard and fast as he let his eyes fall shut.

So focused on making himself cum, Joshua almost didn’t hear Hansol’s whine of “so hot, it’s unfair,” but he did feel the way that Hansol squeezed at his hips when he did. It was almost embarrassing, how close Joshua was so quickly, how desperate he was to bring himself to the edge—but what made him blush, what made him so desperate in the first place, was how purely erotic the entire situation was. Hansol was hovering over him but he had no power in the situation, could do nothing but literally sit back on his heels and watch as Joshua took himself apart, piece by piece. It was hot and it was new, and the sudden rush of confidence that the position gave Joshua made him dizzy, brought him all he closer to falling over the edge.

For a moment he toyed with himself, letting his grip go light and teasing as he let out involuntary little whimpers. Opening his eyes just barely, Joshua licked his lips and made eye contact with Hansol—still so pretty and debauched, cheeks rosy and eyes wide as he took deep breaths. “Do you like watching me?” Joshua asked, voice a little bashful, then tightened his grip to make himself let out a quiet groan, hips bucking.

Hansol said nothing, but nodded.

Joshua felt his orgasm beginning to creep up on him, the slow burn building into something close to a tickling that had his thighs shaking as he continued to fuck up into his fist. He decided it wasn’t worth holding off anymore—his wrist was getting tired and all he really wanted to do was kiss Hansol again, so he rolled with the feeling and let his eyes fall shut again as he brought himself even closer. “I’m gonna cum” he warned, and Hansol took that as a cue to slide his hands up from Joshua’s hips and over his chest before circling over Joshua’s nipples, and that’s what did for him.

In the midst of all this, Joshua made a note to only ever orgasm again if he’d been smoking, because holy shit, he could feel every wave of pleasure roll over his body and lick at his nerves, making his back arch up off the bed and his toes curl. He had a vague recollection of cum splashing onto his forearm and, he assumed, Hansol’s hoodie but he paid no further mind, letting out a continuous stream of long, high pitched whines as he rode out his orgasm. Joshua jerked himself at a steady pace and Hansol continued toying with his chest until he slumped back onto the mattress and whined, quiet and gentle.

“Fuck,” Joshua panted, letting go of his cock to take Hansol’s hands into his own, locking their fingers. “Holy fuck.”

Hansol giggled, sounding just as out of breath as Joshua. “Right?” He shook his hands out of Joshua’s and cupped his face again before kissing him softly, sweet in comparison to the others they’d shared. “Intense, wasn’t it?”

Joshua nodded, still a little dazed and trying to catch his breath. “Uh-huh.”

Hansol kissed him again, and they made out like that for a while, slow and sweet and a little messy, though Joshua wasn’t sure how long. In his mind they’d been fooling around for hours but that couldn’t be true—the sun was still high in the sky and Jihoon hadn’t let him know anything about what they were having for dinner, or even asked Joshua if he’d be home for dinner, for that matter. It wasn’t until Hansol shifted, pressing closer and accidentally brushing up against Joshua’s now-soft cock with his thigh that Joshua shivered, pulling away with a wince.

“Sorry,” Hansol whispered to the inch of space between their lips before moving away completely, leaving Joshua to let out a quiet whine. Joshua allowed the hoodie to be pulled off of him when Hansol went to remove it before wiping carefully at the little bit of cum that had splattered onto his stomach with a cleaner part of the sweatshirt before tossing it to the floor. Hansol tucked Joshua back into his boxer briefs, then tapped at Joshua’s hip to get his attention. “Do you want to keep these on? I have a pair of sweats, if you’d be more comfortable.”

Joshua shrugged. “I don’t care either way,” he answered, and after a long pause, he said, “Can we smoke more?”

Hansol looked surprised—not displeased in the slightest, eyebrows raised and smile playing on his lips. “You want to?”

“I’m coming down from it and I don’t think I want to, not yet,” Joshua said after nodding his head. He lifted his hips to pull his jeans back up over his ass and sat up, then suddenly became very aware that he was still shirtless when a draft came through the bedroom, making him shiver. “And can I borrow another sweatshirt?”

Hansol laughed, shaking his head. “You’re needy.”

“You made me get cum all over the last one!” Joshua shot back, sticking his bottom lip out in a pout, and Hansol blushed but climbed off the bed to get something for Joshua to wear.

“You can light up, if you want,” Hansol suggested, holding two sweatshirts in his hand that he seemed to be debating. One was a pale blue Nike hoodie, thin and more fitting than the other—a grey crewneck, baggy and looking like it had been worn soft. When he settled on the grey and came back to the bed, noticing that Joshua was watching him the whole time, he grinned. “What?”

Joshua shook his head. “Nothing, I just—” He accepted the sweatshirt and slid it on before reaching over to grab the half-smoked blunt they’d been working on earlier. “You really weren’t joking about taking care of me. You’re sweet.”

Hansol ducked his head, cheeks still tinged pink. “You make me want to be sweet,” he said honestly, and Joshua’s stomach flipped. He felt a little bit like he was in grade school again when Hansol said things like that to him, all giddy and flushed with excitement—the only difference being that he was gay now, clumsily lighting a blunt that he was probably holding wrong in his fingers.

Joshua was more careful this time, taking a drag off the blunt. The hit was smaller, but he’d wanted that, afraid of choking himself again. When he exhaled he passed it to Hansol, who had just found his sweatshirt on the floor from earlier and pulled it back on. After taking a long hit he got back on the bed, careful to keep his arm extended as he laid down, head propped up in Joshua’s lap.“We should keep doing this,” Hansol said, and Joshua shouldn’t have been surprised with his honesty at this point, but he still bit his lip nervously. “I mean—sober or not sober, we should keep hanging out.”

Joshua took the blunt from Hansol’s fingers and let himself take a longer drag off of it, and Hansol giggled. “Did you just take that big of a hit because I freaked you out a little?” He asked, and Joshua blushed, having been caught.

Still, he shook his head. “No,” Joshua insisted, turning his nose upwards. With his free hand he carded his fingers through Hansol’s hair. “I just really like weed now.”

Hansol snorted out a laugh. “Oh, okay, if that’s it then that’s fine.” After a moment he held his hand out, and Joshua passed him the blunt. “Seriously, though,” he said in between small puffs. “Do you want to keep doing this?”

Joshua wondered if Hansol could see how red he was from that angle. “I—yeah, I do,” he said, nodding. This time he could start to feel sobriety trickling away from him, now that he knew what it felt like. The world felt a little fuzzy and his entire body was warm—if he didn’t know better at that point, he’d blame it on Hansol, who continued to give him butterflies.

Hansol hummed. “Good.”

It fell quiet between them again as they both smiled to themselves, passing the blunt back and forth—Hansol tapped the ash off when necessary and, when Joshua almost burnt his fingertips when it was down to the roach, took it from him and dropped it in the ashtray to burn out on its own.“How do you feel?” This time, it was Joshua asking Hansol the question.

“Really good,” Hansol said simply, leaning into Joshua’s touch as he continued to play with his hair. “I like you.”

“You keep saying that.” Any time Joshua’s face returned to a relatively normal color, heat nearly leaving it, Hansol brought it back full force.

Hansol smiled. “Doesn’t make it less true.”

“I like you too, I think,” Joshua replied. Leaning back against the headboard, he let his head tilt back so he could stare at the ceiling. Hansol wouldn’t be able to see the dopey grin that spread on his face, like this. “What else? Any other feelings?”

After pausing, Hansol huffed. “Really fucking hungry. Are you hungry?”

Joshua was about to shrug and say no, he didn’t really think so, but as if on cue, his stomach growled loudly, answering for him. They both laughed at it, and Hansol sat up to look at him.

“What do you want to eat?”

“Um? I don’t know. What’s good when you’re high?” Joshua asked, and he was half-tempted to just lean in and kiss Hansol again, distracting them from the topic altogether but he stayed strong.

Hansol laughed. “Just about everything. We don’t have much food, but I can order pizza or something?”

When Joshua groaned at the thought, he realized it sounded a little sexual but said nothing of it. “That. Yeah. Yes. I’ll buy, just—get whatever you think will be good. Whatever I’ll like,” he said instead. Joshua let himself zone out for a moment after digging his wallet out of his pocket and handing Hansol his credit card. He could vaguely hear the order—a pepperoni pizza, large with extra little cups of garlic sauce on the side and an order of breadsticks—but more than that he focused on the smaller noises happening around them.

The sound of cabinets opening and accidentally being slammed shut rang out downstairs, followed by a startled yelp that Joshua assumed was from Soonyoung. Joshua wondered if he was doing okay—he seemed really torn up, when Joshua first saw him that afternoon, and now that he knew what it was about he was all the more worried. His mind drifted to Jihoon, who he made a mental not to talk to later. He wasn’t going to say anything about Soonyoung’s feelings for him but he would mention that they met—the little white lie would get him far enough to hopefully have Jihoon talk about what happened on his end, but only if they had split a bottle of wine beforehand. Joshua needed to get some wine. Did Jihoon like reds or whites? Maybe he liked rosé, but Joshua would definitely remember that because he preferred rosé.

The furnace in Hansol’s bedroom kicked on, bringing him out of his thoughts long enough to see that Hansol was watching him with a small smile on his face. “Food’ll be here in half an hour. You were so gone for a minute,” he said, sliding Joshua’s debit card and his phone onto his bedside table before settling his head back on Joshua’s lap. “Are you okay?”

Joshua hummed, nodding. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so relaxed,” he said, and it was with honesty. He tapped at Hansol’s shoulder after a minute, getting his attention. “Can you—can I ask you to come kiss me? Is that a thing I can do? I feel too floaty.”

Without hesitation Hansol sat up, and turned himself around to face Joshua. He pressed his hand to the side of Joshua’s neck before leaning in, giving him a soft kiss. Joshua kept him there, holding onto Hansol’s wrists, kissing him until he was out of breath and had to break away, pressing their foreheads together.

“Are you really okay?” Hansol asked, brushing their noses together before pressing another quick kiss to Joshua’s lips while they caught their breath. “You’re a little spacey.”

Joshua nodded again. “I’m great, I feel amazing, I promise,” he said, smiling softly when Hansol kissed him again. “Next time, I wanna do something fun like this. Go get ice cream or see a movie, or something.”

Hansol rose his eyebrows. “Next time…Next time you’re high?” When Joshua nodded, a concerned look crossed Hansol’s face. “You don’t have to smoke just because we’re…hanging out, or whatever.” He brought his hand up from Joshua’s neck to cup his cheek, thumb stroking over the bow of Joshua’s lips.

“I know,” Joshua said, kissing the tip of Hansol’s thumb. He considered sucking it into his mouth to get a reaction out of Hansol, but he figured he should be a part of this conversation before turning Hansol—and himself. “I don’t know how often I’ll wanna smoke, or when I’ll wanna do it, but—I think I kinda like it? I like the way it makes me feel. Things are easier.”

Hansol smiled, looking so soft that Joshua couldn’t help but close the distance between them again and kiss him again, slow and deep. When he pulled away, Joshua’s eyes remained shut. “One thing, though? About me smoking?”

“Yeah?”

“You’ll still take care of me if I need it, right?” Joshua peeked his eyes open after he asked it, and saw that Hansol had a dreamy grin on his face, maybe even a little dopey. “It’s not dumb?” The unsaid because I’m older, and should probably have a better grip than I do hung in the air around them.

“Of course I’ll take care of you,” he answered, and Joshua’s heart just about melted. “As long as you want me to, I’ll be here. It’s not dumb.”

Joshua’s cheeks flushed and he wasn’t sure if it was because he was stoned or if he was just really beginning to open up to the idea of sticking around in Hansol’s life, but it didn’t take any more convincing for Joshua to believe him.