Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Your alarm blaring wakes you up but you slap it off and doze off immediately. The second alarm across your room going off for just this reason gets you up and out of bed. You scrub sleep from your eyes after silencing the beeping and thank past Karkat for having the presence of mind to set this thing up. Today is not a day you can afford to sleep in. Lifting up your phone you check for the message you know will be there.

[carcinoGeneticist(alpha) began trolling carcinoGeneticist]
CGA: ALRIGHT LACKEY FOR THE DAY, I HAVE YOUR LIST OF TASKS RIGHT HERE.
[carcinoGeneticist(alpha) sent invite for shared task manager]
[carcinoGeneticist(alpha) ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist]

The hemospectrum is a terrible thing except for when large documents need colour coding it seems. All of you over the past year have compromised in changing things to differentiate yourselves from your counterparts, that is for those of you who have them. You’ve changed your text colour to the same mutant red as the rest of your line whereas your soulmate has straight up changed his whole chumhandle and you know he’s dialled back his investment in making music because it’s become more of other Dave’s thing. You think that’s pretty dumb and neither you or your double will be giving up the genre of romance any time soon.

You’ll get to your task list in a moment, you have a personal unassigned one first.

[carcinoGeneticist began pestering tenuouslyGaudiloquent]
CG: RISE AND SHINE. THE RISING AND SHINING IS MANDATORY TODAY.
TG: always rising for u bby <3
CG: WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN?
TG: hey i just woke up and also i was literally made to appreciate your divine beauty i cannot help myself
TG: like the tides to the moon my kokoro doth doki doki over that ass

[carcinoGeneticist began pestering timaeusTestified]
CG: YOU TAUGHT DAVE TO TALK AND I WISH TO COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR JUDGEMENT IN THAT ENDEAVOUR, ESPECIALLY COMPOUNDED IN THE MATTERS OF READING AND WRITING.
TT: I’m sure I could set my watch by these complaints. Good morning by the way.
TT: Also poor Dave is only human, you can’t blame him.
TT: Don’t we all want senpai to notice us?
CG: I’M GOING TO FIND A WAY TO SUE YOU FOR THIS, YOU BASTARD.

You close your eyes and resign yourself to the fact that you will never manage to outdo any Strider this way, but you know their weakness by now. SINCERITY.

Oh, hey Dave’s still talking.

TG: look at that fine ass
TG: makes a man go hot damn son
TG: haiku for booty
CG: YOU’RE ABSURD.
TG: im sugoi
CG: YOU’RE A FUCKING NERD IS WHAT. LET ME GO ALCHEMISE A LOCKER TO SHOVE YOU IN.
TG: tsundere

Alright, fine, he asked for this.

CG: HEY DAVE, ABOUT THE WEDDING TODAY.
TG: yeah?
CG: I’M REALLY HAPPY FOR THEM, GETTING MARRIED. GETTING TO SHOW JUST HOW MUCH YOU LOVE SOMEONE LIKE THAT IS A PRETTY MAGICAL THING.
TG: yeah man especially today
TG: i know we would all rather be thinking of them getting hitched than this day last year when we all had to fight and some of us (not naming names here) died
CG: DEFINITELY.
CG: STILL, I KNOW DIRK HAS RULES ABOUT YOU STILL NOT BEING A *REAL* ADULT UNTIL YOU’RE EIGHTEEN AND MY PARENTS ARE THE SAME BUT YOU KNOW SOME DAY THAT’LL BE US UP THERE.
CG: GETTING MARRIED.
[tenuouslyGaudiloquent has disconnected]

Oh. That wasn’t the response you were expecting.

[tentacleTherapist began pestering carcinoGeneticist]
[tentacleTherapist attached photo 642.jpg]
TT: Please enjoy this photo of my beloved twin being firetruck red as his phone sinks to the bottom of his cereal bowl. Unfortunately Hal’s hysterical laughing came out somewhat blurry, but even so it’s a good photo I feel.
TT: Pray tell what did you say to get this wonderful reaction?
CG: TECHNICALLY I THINK I PROPOSED.
TT: What.
TT: Also you absolutely cannot get married before Kanaya and I, I will cut you if you try.
CG: SORRY, CAN’T POSSIBLY TALK. I’M VERY BUSY TODAY.
TT: Don’t you dare end this chat!
[carcinoGeneticist ceased pestering tentacleTherapist]
TT: Ohhh you’ll regret that.

You put your phone down and figure that you should get ready for the day. You have to share a bathroom on your floor with three other people but that’s fine. Of course, when your dad was building this place with a literal entire planet of real estate to work with he could have put in more bathrooms. He could have made the place look like the essential mansion that the StriLonde building is, but no. Apparently having to queue to piss keeps a god humble.

No queueing today though, the door is open but the room is occupied. Davepeta blinks sleepily at you as they brush their teeth, their glasses missing entirely. They say something around their toothbrush which you guess is probably some kind of greeting and with a little flutter of their wings they step to the side so you can brush your teeth also. Davepeta spits in the sink and turns a little.

“Can you do meow solid, bro?” they ask, gesturing at their back.

Davepeta is wearing a low cut spaghetti strap shirt over their cat paw print patterned boxers and the low back on it leaves their wings free and not rubbed on by fabric. Even so, you can see where a few of the bright orange feathers are misaligned and probably uncomfortable. You comb your claws through them one-handed as you brush your teeth with the other. The smaller baby fluff feathers close to where their skin becomes more hybrid normal don’t seem to need any of your attention. Of all of the hybrids you think that Davepeta is the prettiest with their patterning, and not just because they look half like your sister who if anyone said was ugly you’d punch them. Nor because there’s strong hints of your soulmate in there. No, it’s because their grey patches of troll colouring over the pale hues of Dave’s are in actual patterns that are symmetrical and deliberate. More like the colouring of an exotic parrot than the Rorschach test look Hal has in places. Arquius for his part looks like a regular troll, except for the total redness of his eyes, bright red hair and claws. He’s more mutant red than anyone in your family which is pretty ironic for him.

“Oh, much better. Karkitty got you running around all day like his bitch, huh?” Davepeta asks with a happy sigh as they flick their wings in the confined space.

Yeah, other you is the one making all of the lists and job assignments for the wedding. On the one hand it rankles you a little, it’s your grandmother getting married not his. Except she is his, really. You’re as related to her as he is and it’s not like you can say he’s not really in your family because he’s adopted because YOU’RE ALL ADOPTED. You’ve just known her longer is all. You’re not bitter.

Okay, maybe you are bitter but it’s the stupid kind where you’re mad that another kid has a toy you don’t even want to play with. You don’t want to organise this whole thing, that’s way too stressful. You want to be useful and help Dolorosa of course, that’s why you signed up to basically be your double’s minion for the day. You’re just being petty and it’s something everyone more or less has had to deal with over the last year. When someone else is you as well who is the real one?

Some people have handled it with surprising grace, like Dave. Although maybe after the other one blinded yours there was no way for them to escalate that non lethally so they called it quits. Others handled it less well, like John.

“Yeah, we’ve got to make sure this thing goes off flawlessly after all.” you say instead when you’re done spitting toothpaste foam into the sink.

“Rather you than me. I’ll tell you when Kan gets here with the clothes.” Davepeta says and with a sleepy wave, excuses themselves from the room.

The official outfits that everyone is wearing to the wedding have been kept under lock and key at the Maryam household since they were made. Of course, everyone was consulted on what they wanted to wear and that was styled within the boundaries of the theme. People were allowed to choose which ‘side’ they wanted to be sat on, jade for the Maryams and blue for Jean Egbert’s side.

Without those to wear you go back to your room and dress in your normal clothes, the sign on your chest now red to help further separate you from him. Speaking of him it’s time to look at his list of jobs.

CHECK THAT JADE HAS ALL OF THE FLOWERS READY AND REMIND HER TO BRING THEM.

That seems patronising, but fine you’ll do it. You fly out of your window.

To the East is the sprawling StriLonde estate atop the giant hill it rests on. To their credit you know they hadn’t intended on making it that big, it had just been added to and added to. At first it was simple, a square structure not unlike their old home giving each of them their own rooms as well as a main kitchen and living room. But then Rose and her double wanted a library and the younger Dirk was just as keen, so they built one. Then, well, you just needed a room for all of the computer servers and an adjoining workshop to do robotics in of course because apparently, other Dirk had robots he wanted to rebuild. Then people told other Dave to go play music somewhere else and not keep people awake and well then what about a pool? As it always does with that family, things escalated.

The West side of your little town is far more modest, the suburban houses of Crocker and Egbert and what passes for the same on Alternia for most of the rest of the families. Well, except for the Serket house which is on another hill and looks like castle fucking Frankenstein because of course it does. You don’t want to deal with those losers right now, you want the ones who raised an island out of a lake and built a home for reclusive weirdos on it. Oh, sure they call it a nature sanctuary where they start raising new and endangered species before distributing them across the world but you’re onto their Jurassic Park shit. Sooner or later it’s going to be a disaster, people had better mark your words on that!

Flying over the island is nice enough. Below you a herd of deer scatter at the sight of you and you’re actually quite looking forward to seeing those in the wild. A high fence whizzes by underneath you and you’re in a new animal enclosure, this one makes you stop. You know these animals, you’ve only seen them in a zoo before though and never this close.

Slowly you descend and a curious giraffe lumbers over to you on its long knobbly legs. You’re at about head height for it and this close you can see just how long and soft its eyelashes are.

“Hey there.” you say, sweet and soothing to try to lure it closer.

It has no fear of you and why would it? You’re probably the first troll it’s ever seen unless Davepeta has been flying around here and even then they’re different enough to you in appearance that the giraffe doesn’t know. Plus it has no predators in its enclosure so it has no qualms about shoving its giant face into your hand and snuffling at you curiously.

“Oh wow…” you whisper in awe.

Well, you’re in awe until it sticks out an unfeasibly long tongue and tries to lick you. You’re well away by then, no thank you to that! The Harley/Englishes take requests for what animals to bring back but you had no real requests. Besides you think if anything you’d put in had taken priority over the very firm request from both Dirks, Hal, Arquius and all of the Zahhak’s for horses you think you might have been stabbed.

Past the animals there’s the flora section of the island and you’re pleased to see that it’s full to bursting with just the sorts of flowers needed for the wedding, grown especially for that. Jade said that she’d pick only the very best ones and as you land at their towering home you feel confident that things are going well.

Why did you have to think something so stupid as that? As you walk into their house you find Jake sat on a stool near the kitchen counter, tipped back against the work surface with a steak over half of his face.

“I’m pretty sure that’s an urban myth, I don’t think steak works.” Jade says slowly.

“Of course it’ll work, I’ve seen it in movies.” Jake insists.

“There’s so much wrong with that whole sentence.” other Jade sighs and combs her hand through her much shorter hair. See, even she’s making concessions to be different to her double though you would venture that the dog ears do that by themselves.

“Jake English you tell me right now that you don’t have a black eye on the day of my grandmother’s wedding.” you demand and they all look at you.

“Oooh, you’re in for it now.” Jade teases him.

“Well, if that’s what you really want, Karkat. I don’t have a black eye on the day of your grandmother’s wedding.” Jake says confidently. He’s definitely lying!

You lean in and rip the steak from his face and, yes, that is one hell of a black eye.

“How. How did you do this and why would you do this TODAY?” you demand, wagging the steak at him accusingly.

“Well, it’s just that we have kangaroos now and, you do know what those are yes? Ok, right, good. Well they’re lovely animals and I’d never seen one up close before and I’ve seen in cartoons that they like to box and they really do!” Jake says brightly.

You pinch your nose and remind yourself that you cannot murder Jake, he has to be at the wedding. Maybe… maybe there’s some way to fix this. You really don’t want to have to go back to your double for everything, you can fix this problem alone.

[carcinoGeneticist began pestering tenuouslyGaudiloquent]
CG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE NEAR SOMETHING ELSE THAT GETS MESSAGES RIGHT NOW.
TG: if i didnt carry at least five computers on my person at all times jade would disown me and we both know it
TG: which is good because my phone just died mysteriously
TG: under mysterious milk based circumstances
CG: YES, YOU’RE A DISASTER I ALREADY KNOW.
CG: YOU LOVE ME AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ME, RIGHT? SEEING AS I AM YOUR MOST BELOVED SOULMATE AND LIGHT OF YOUR LIFE.
TG: wow exactly what do you want
CG: JAKE IS A FUCKING MORON LOOK AT HIM
[carcinoGeneticist sent photo ‘AND THEN THERES THIS ASSHOLE’.jpg]
TG: yowch that had to hurt
TG: wait how long as he had that
CG: HE SAID HE GOT IT THIS MORNING, WHY?
TG: bruise like that right there his eye should be swollen shut trust me man id know
CG: OH WELL HE DID HAVE A STEAK ON IT WHEN I GOT HERE.
TG: nah dude that only works in movies
TG: oh wait right jakes hope bullshit he believes it works so it does
CG: EITHER WAY HE CANNOT SHOW UP AT THE WEDDING LOOKING LIKE THAT, OTHER ME WILL LOSE HIS MIND AND PEOPLE WILL WORRY AND THE *PICTURES* DAVE, THE PICTURES!
TG: fair but what do you want me to do?
CG: BLACK EYES HEAL IN WHAT, A WEEK?
TG: try longer than that but you could hide it a lot easier in a week sure
TG: tell me youre not angling for me to loop a whole week just for jake so his face can heal just for wedding photos
CG: PLEASE DAVE IT’S IMPORTANT!
TG: no fucking way dude looping with non time players is dangerous and you know that shit aint risk free for us neither
TG: plus that hope shit fucks up all sorts of logic and how many time travel movies with inaccurate shit do you think hes seen and bought into
TG: looping jake could doom the universe and we went through enough to get this one im not risking it for photos
CG: WELL WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THEN???
TG: ugh
TG: fine looking at the picture again it doesnt look too bad and dirk was always the genius at fixing and hiding black eyes and bruises so if anyone can do it he can and roxy is a wizard with makeup too
TG: but you know jakes officially dirks problem so go ask him
CG: I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE. IF THAT WON’T WORK MAYBE ARANEA MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP, I KNOW IT’S NOT HIS ACTUAL EYE BUT IT’S CLOSE, RIGHT?
TG: maybe but id say dirk first
[carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling tenuouslyGaudiloquent]

“Well?” Jake asks curiously.

“I’m getting you to your soulmate, he’s the one who’s supposed to deal with your shit anyway.” you grumble as you open a new chat.

“How would he be able to help?” other Jade asks.

“I think hiding things like this is unfortunately in his wheelhouse of eclectic skills.” Jake says softly and you can actually see the moment other Jade catches on and then cringes at having asked. People tend to forget about Bro, mainly because both Dirks are so well liked it’s hard to think of there being a terrible version of him, same with their Mom. People don’t like to think about them so they’re sort of a conversational black hole.

[carcinoGeneticist began trolling timaeusTestified]
CG: I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP IT’S AN EMERGENCY. YOU NEED TO FIX THIS.
[carcinoGeneticist sent photo ‘AND THEN THERES THIS ASSHOLE’.jpg]
TT: Holy crap what happened to him?
CG: IT’S A STUPID STORY INVOLVING KANGAROOS CAN YOU FIX HIM OR NOT?
TT: Uh, shit. I actually threw away all of my makeup when Bro died, I was never going to need it again.
CG: OH GOD.
TT: But, Dave might still have some, you know what he’s like with hoarding.
CG: DO I EVER.
TT: Failing that I can see what Roxy has and I’d need to alchemise different stuff anyway, Jake’s hardly the same skintone as me after all.
CG: ALRIGHT WELL I’LL BRING HIM OVER AND YOU DO THAT THEN?
TT: On it.
[timaeusTestified ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist]

“Hell, did you just rat me out?” Jake demands, peering at his phone.

“You deserve it. Anyway, I didn’t come here for you but you’re my problem now. Jade are all the flowers ready to go over to the venue?” you ask and turn to her.

“Yeah, we were just about to go. Me and Nep are decorating and Jade’s delivering all the handheld stuff and buttonholes and that.” Jade says with a nod and her double nods along as well.

“I appreciate that the pair of you are always relentlessly competent and can always be relied upon. You’re a credit to your family, UNLIKE CERTAIN PEOPLE.” you growl and grab Jake from his seat.

“Hey! I am older than you, you know. If me and Dirk get married and you marry Dave I’ll even be your father-in-law so be nice!” Jake protests.

“Yeah well my dad was Jesus on Alternia so I think I win in intimidating father figures. Where’s other Jake anyway?” you ask and Jake helpfully shrugs.

“Tell me if you haven’t found him closer to the wedding, alright? I’m not standing for his nervousness around Dirk bullshit, alright?” you tell both Jades and they nod then you drag Jake outside and take off.

The dumb thing is that you know the other Dirk and Jake both really like each other but it’s almost like they take turns trying to make it work while the other one thinks that pretending things are normal is the best way to deal with it all. It’d make you think that people are lost without actual soulmates but you and Dave were also pretty disastrous at getting your shit together.

You’ve vowed to leave the pair well enough alone to sort their own shit out. All of the heart players, Hal and Davepeta included have promised no such thing and you know Callie is orchestrating some shit with that too but you’re staying so far out of that disaster.

“I really wasn’t trying to ruin anything you know, I didn’t mean this.” Jake says nervously from behind you, presumably having interpreted your silence as you flew to seething rage.

“I know you didn’t, I’ve just got a lot of shit to fix today. Everything has to go smoothly so I need this fixed.” you tell him.

“I know, I know. I’ve never been to a wedding before. I’ve only seen them in movies, I didn’t mean to risk it with my escapades although from what I’ve seen in movies that’s very par for the course.” Jake says with a beaming grin on his face.

“It’s not like I’ve ever been to a wedding either, it’s not something trolls used to do and even though Signless got invited to a few cross species ones back on Earth I didn’t get invited. Still, you’re not the comic relief in this so stop using that trope as an excuse.” you say and start to descend through the air towards the StriLonde grounds.

“Dirk!” Jake says in delight and zooms ahead of you to where his soulmate is waiting at the sliding glass doors. They’re always so pleased to see each other, it’s so sweet. You get a flash of Jake’s mark on Dirk’s arm, long since repaired from the darkness that once marred it when they split before.

“What did you do?” Dirk sighs, holding Jake’s face in his hands.

“Got in a boxing match with a kangaroo.” Jake replies brightly as if that’s a thing that normal people do ever.

“Naturally. Thankfully this isn’t that bad, come on let me fix this.” Dirk says and pulls him inside.

You have a lot of things to say about Mom Lalonde and Bro Strider and basically nothing good about either of them but given that you know they’re alternate highly fucked up versions of the generic Roxy and Dirk starter genetics a lot makes sense. Bro’s place was shitty but clearly everything was calculated to be not what was expected, all except the things he had to entertain himself like the outlandish TV, games systems and music equipment. Of course for him ‘not what was expected’ was mostly a horrible journey into puppets and psychological horror. Also child abuse. Mom Lalonde however had a very clean, polished, high class aesthetic broken up with inexplicable wizards.

The shared areas of the StriLonde building are a nice fusion of both styles done well by people who aren’t deranged. Everything in the kitchen is some kind of warm coloured stone and wood with bright cheerful lighting. If it can be high tech it is and you think their fridge is only the size it is to hold all of the photos pinned to it. There’s evidence that people live here even if, like with the huge ‘sweetest bro and most hellacious of jeffs’ crystal mosaic on the wall, it’s evidence that those people are bonkers.

Since you’re here you can leave Jake in Dirk’s capable hands, he’s already smearing some kind of liquid something or other on his face which you guess will do something. But as you’re here you may as well head down and see Dave. Not that you need to or anything, you could easily not do that.

Yeah, who are you kidding you’re scampering off down the stairs like the desperate tool you are.

Dave’s room is, as ever, a total clusterfuck of stuff and you have no idea how he finds anything in it but you’ve seen him easily locate stuff so his system must be beyond you. The ceiling is a twinkling net of tiny lights and there are lamps and glowing things in bottles on shelves to compensate for how dark it can be down here. At least there’s no red lights about, he has an actual room for his photograph developing now and the results of that are plastered all over the walls. Despite the Daveness of the room, that you will never aloud admit to being cosy, there’s no Dave in it. However the sound of running water and the open bathroom door down the way gives you a clue.

“It’s just me.” you call out as you come closer. Dave sticks his head out of the door half of his face covered in shaving foam, he waves at you and ducks back inside.

“Ha ha. Stupid mammal with your body hair.” you tease, leaning against the door. Dave shaves another stripe through the foam, washes the razor, flips you off and continues. It’s certainly not a hardship having to watch him do this, but maybe that’s just because he’s shirtless and leaning over the sink. He raises his hand to shave the last of it away and you watch the way the movement shifts the mark of the Earth on the top of his shoulder. It’s the newest one and it showed up not too long after you all started living on the planet again. Doing that was such a momentous event, such a clear after point to the game that pretty much everyone with soulmarks has something thematically similar. On your arm you have the Earth held in a grey hand, protected and enclosed. Dave’s got this Earth in front in his with shadowed images of the old Earth and old Alternia behind it, a sign of moving forward but maintaining connection.

Dave emerges from the towel that he’d been drying off with and comes up to you.

“Better? Less like a stupid mammal now?” Dave asks, offering his now smooth face to you to feel and you do with eagerness. It’ll probably stay that way for, oh, maybe a day at most before starting to head back to roughness again. At least he’s not Jake, from Dirk’s bitching it seems Jake’s basically got outrageous stubble mere seconds after he’s done shaving.

“Yeah, but it’s fine. You’re my favourite stupid mammal.” you assure him and squish his cheeks.

“Aw, babe.” Dave drawls all over exaggerated Texan accent even though you both grew up there and talk the same way. He only does that when he’s trying to be sarcastic and you know him well enough that he’s bluffing and actually is touched at you declaring him your favourite stupid mammal. He actually is your favourite but he’s not stupid really, despite the dumb shit he does regularly.

“Can’t believe Rose took that picture of me this morning.” he complains as you slide your hand around the back of his neck.

“Rose missing a chance to showcase you doing something embarrassing? You really think that’s more likely?” you say.

“You have a point.”

“Besides I was delighted that I managed to fluster you into dropping your phone into your breakfast.” you tease him.

“Pssh, you’re just a tease.” Dave scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“I wasn’t teasing about wanting to marry you.” you say softly and you get to watch him slowly start to go red. You can feel how tense he’s gone in the way that having too many feelings makes him go sometimes.

“You weren’t?” he asks, his voice a touch strangled.

“Of course not. I mean, sure the age thing. I know Dirk and Roxy would have a shitfit if we eloped and declared ourselves married or got the mayor to do it with his understanding of love and possibly shakier understanding of old Earth laws. So not next week or whatever but… I’ve thought about marrying you since you showed up on my skin.” you tell him.

You don’t need or want to ask if he thought the same back then. You know you being on his skin was not a good thing for his safety for a lot of his life, things changed and got differently complicated when you met and weren’t the girl that he’d assumed you must be. That doesn’t leave a huge window between when you got together and when your planet was destroyed for him to have daydreamed about tying the knot with you. You’d just figured he might have thought about it with Dolorosa’s wedding coming up and how much everyone’s been talking about it. You certainly have thought about it more.

Dave catches your hand, the marked one with your ring in your reds wound around your finger.

“I know we make rings for weddings, so it’s like a man made thing as well as the one you get. And great if you can get one that still shows the pattern of the marked ring and all. That’s fine, but why the hell do the other humans do it too? I’ve seen their movies and it’s such a specific symbol but they have wedding rings and no soulmarks like what the hell?” Dave rambles and rubs his thumb over your ring around your finger, you wouldn’t want to hide yours even if some people like that so that only they see the real one. It’s a personal choice but whatever, you have a preference.

“I asked John about that at one point and he said it was something about… about that finger having a vein that connects directly to your heart so it was a kind of a romantic symbolism about being connected to your heart at all times.” you say thoughtfully, it’s a nice idea actually. You especially like the repetition that inexplicably shows up between all of your worlds.

Dave laughs more or less right in your face, effectively ruining your mood and when you don’t laugh as well he just giggles harder.

“Wow Karkat and you called me stupid. I know we’re all homeschooled and all now but how’s that high school biology treating you?” he giggles.

“What are you talking about?” you demand.

“Ok, cool, how many blood vessels of any kind do you have that don’t connect to your heart eventually, huh?” Dave asks with a shitty grin all over his face.

“I…” Oh. Wait. That’s how the circulatory system works, everything’s connected to the heart. Now the question is not whether you’re stupid because clearly you are but whether John is also stupid or if he deliberately made dumb shit up and you bought it.

“You’re my favourite stupid troll.” Dave says and catches your face in his hands, squishing your cheeks undeterred by you glaring at him.

“You’re going to be smug about this, aren’t you?” you ask and your leg hits the edge of his desk and Dave seems to get the idea to crowd you up against it looking exactly as smug as you know he is.

“I would never, I am a benevolent god. Really.” he says.

“Mmmhm.” you mumble, getting your hands on his warm bare sides. Maybe this day isn’t going to be that bad after all, it’s certainly looking better right now at least.

Or it was until your phone starts pinging like crazy, stupid goddamn apple text tone filling you with rage. Dave raises an eyebrow and you hiss in irritation and fish the thing out, you’ll check it and if it’s not serious the thing’s being thrown across the room onto his bed and you can let Dave distract you for a while.

[twinArmageddons began trolling carcinoGeneticist]
TA: kk ii don't know where you are but we have an emergency and ii really don't want two have two go two the other karkat about iit 2iince he ju2t had a fiit at mom and dad about the tiimiing2 for the food.

“Ah, shit.” you mumble.

CG: WHAT’S WRONG EXACTLY?
TA: iit'2 john.
TA: not eb ii mean our brother john. kan deliivered the clothe2 and we were all gettiing changed and now he'2 locked hiim2elf iin the room and whenever anyone triie2 two get hiim two come out we get thii2 iindoor hurriicane.
TA: he'2 not an2weriing pe2terchum eiither ii already triied that.
CG: SPECTACULAR. LET ME JUST CHECK THAT MY CURRENT DISASTER IS TAKEN CARE OF AND THEN I’LL TAKE CARE OF THIS ONE. HE’S NOT AFFECTING THE WEATHER OUTSIDE YET IS HE?
TA: not yet but ii wouldn't rule that out. where are you anyway?
CG: AT DAVE’S.
TA: what happened two you 2uppo2edly beiing on 2triict weddiing bu2iine22 today then, huh?
CG: I *AM* HERE ON STRICT WEDDING BUSINESS, I NEEDED DIRK TO HELP ME AVERT A JAKE DISASTER THAT I WILL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT LATER. DAVE JUST HAPPENS TO LIVE HERE AND I HAPPENED TO BE CHECKING IN ON HIM TOO.
TA: came for the bu2iine22, 2tayed for the plea2ure ii 2ee.
CG: YOU’RE THE WORST.
CG: FRATERNITY CANCELLED WITH SOLLUX, JOHN IS MY BROTHER NOW.
TA: eheheheheh when ii'm done puttiing thii2 fancy 2uiit on iim 2o makiing that meme.

You shake your head and put your phone away.

“Sorry duty calls.” you sigh and move past Dave to leave.

“See you later.” Dave calls after you.

You jog up the stairs and go back to the kitchen. Jake is sat on the counter with Dirk between his legs leant in dabbing carefully at his face.

“I’m not done yet.” Dirk says, without looking around.

“But it’s fixable?” you check.

Dirk moves back a little so you can see. You can almost scarcely tell anything was there before at all.

“I’m having to mix shades so it’s harder but I’ll have him good as new, I swear.” Dirk says, patting at the back of his hand with a sponge and alternating between that and another slightly different shade.

“Ok, excellent. I gotta go.” you tell them both and rush out.

You fly home through wind that is definitely picking up and rush up the stairs to John’s room. At first everyone had assumed that he would live with Mr Egbert or Mr Crocker but he just couldn’t cope with living with a guy who looked like his dad but wasn’t, especially one who knew a lot about the John from your universe. Moving in with a bunch of non humans seemed to be the ideal fix for him, none of your parents are like his at all and you have so many siblings that there’s not such an intense focus on him.

It’s all been fine until now.

“Go away!” John shouts. You round the corner and see Sollux floating, leaning into a torrent of wind before giving up and dropping down. There are smashed photo frames on the floor down the stairs where they no doubt got blown off of the walls.

“There you are. I can force my way through it but I’m worried he’s going to total the house or me pushing against him will.” Sollux sighs. He’s already in his jade coloured outfit albeit looking a little windswept.

“Parents are already at Dolorosa’s?” you ask and he nods. Damnit.

“Shit. SHIT. You should go, take some of my list, check that all the chairs are in the right place and that the lighting for the evening is working, yeah?” you say.

“Sure I can but what’s your plan?” Sollux asks.

Diplomacy clearly hasn’t worked, he’s not calmed down over time and force isn’t the way. But there is always another way, if your life has taught you anything so far it’s that there is always a solution to a problem, even if that solution is weird as hell.

“I’m going to annoy him out.” you declare and run down the stairs.

“You what?” Sollux demands, flying after you.

The basement of your house is filled with all sort of shit, supplies for things, spare parts, a multitude of laundry machines, and the controls for the things that run your house. The water, electric, heat and so on. You flip the big fuse box open, it’s labelled so that each room has its own fuse. It’s set up this way so that if certain Captors in the house blow the power it shouldn’t fuck you all over. The big yellow warning sticker that Psii must have re-written for this house, because you remember it in your last, is a testament as to what else it was used for.

D0N’T EVEN TH1NK AB0UT 1T!

Yes, the downside of having a lot of kids and a highly selective fusebox is the temptation to get revenge on an annoying sibling by either disconnecting all of their power, plunging them into darkness or rapidly toggling either of those off and on until they hunt you down and hit you or something breaks. There was a very stressful two months where this happened a lot before Psii made it very clear that doing this was a way to get into VERY BIG TROUBLE and violators would be grounded and have all of their tech taken away for a month. Poor Meulin was the one who got caught for the last time and Psii stuck to her punishment so unwaveringly that no one ever tried it again since.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

You consult the map and work out just which switches are for John’s room and grab the one for the power and the lights. He might not have the lights on at this time of day but it’ll be extra annoying if he does. You hold onto them tight and then start wildly switching them off and on.

“Pester him and tell him that I’ll stop if he lets me in!” you shout to Sollux over your shoulder. You keep flicking them until John messages him back and then you leave things on.

Carefully you close the fusebox and back away hoping that possibly Psii just might not need to find out about this. You hope if he does he’ll at least understand that it’s an emergency. Sollux heads off to do some of your work and as you’re climbing the stairs it occurs to you that you could have just asked Jade to teleport you into his room, goddamnit.

“John let me in!” you shout and shove his door open with none of the wind resistance you were expecting.

He glares at you from where he’s sat on the bed, his blue eyes all bloodshot.

“I guess we’re lucky I’m not EPILEPTIC or something!” he snaps at you.

“Oh shut up you’d know by now if you were. What’s wrong?” you say and kick the door shut behind you.

John is mostly dressed for the wedding. His jade waistcoat is open, his shirt is tucked in if a little crumpled, he’s missing his tie but otherwise all looks well.

“I can’t go to the wedding, you’ll have to go without me.” he says sniffling and wiping his nose on the back of his hand. You grab a tissue out of a box and shove it at him before he wipes his hand on his pristine dress pants like some kind of savage who will be skinned by your moirail.

“Why not? You have to go, you’re family!” you insist.

“He’s not my family! He’s not my dad!” John shouts and things fly off of his desk onto the floor.

Ah, this is about his dad.

“I meant Dolorosa. You’re her grandson.” you tell him quietly and sit on his bed with him.

“I’m not really. I’m not. Just because your parents say they adopted me-” he begins.

“Did adopt you.” you correct.

“Doesn’t mean I’m part of your family really.” John says.

“Newsflash moron, we’re all adopted. But maybe you mean I’m Signless’s direct descendant and that argument works until you get to half of my sisters. Aradia and Damara aren’t the descendants of any of my parents. They’re adopted. Sure my parents adopted me as a wiggler and the jades delivered me and they adopted Aradia and Damara when they landed on Earth years later but they’re still my sisters.” you reason with him.

“I’m not even the same species.” John argues.

“Neither’s Davepeta. Besides Jean’s gone and adopted the Peixes and the Makaras and they’re not the same species as him. My parents didn’t spend decades on Earth fighting to be included in the same culture just so they could not consider a human they adopt to be their kid. Give us more credit.” you say patiently.

John nods mutely and sniffles a little. You hand him another tissue.

“Want to tell me what this is really about?” you ask.

John scrubs at his eyes and drags in a shaky breath.

“I don’t remember how to tie a tie.” John whispers.

“That’s it? John, I’ve no idea either. I was planning on messaging Dave who can be unfairly debonair in a suit for a guy who also walks around with a shirt with a wizard dick quote on it. That’s if Kanaya hasn’t printed me instructions, or there’s always youtube.” you say brightly, finally a problem with an easy solution!

“No,” John hisses and looks at you, “my dad taught me when I was younger. When he was still-”

Not an easy problem then, oh no. The topic of John’s dead father is never a good one but given that he has two virtual clones running around it’s hard for John to forget the issue entirely.

“He taught me and I’ve forgotten. It’s one of those things dads are supposed to teach their sons, tying a tie, learning to shave, how to- to do your taxes or some shit like that. But he taught me this and I don’t remember it! I’ve forgotten already, how much else am I going to forget?” John chokes out and smothers his face in his hands.

John drops onto the bed, his hands still over his face and you can hear him sob wetly. Oh… John.

“I’m going to tell you something, I’ve not told you this before because I don’t like talking about it.” you say slowly and sit with him.

“The revolution, what my parents did, it was huge. On Earth we had trolls who loathed them and trolls who basically worshipped them but everyone agreed that my parents and Signless especially was probably the single most important troll on Earth.” you say.

“You should have seen him talk, to preach to hundreds and to work to change things. He was always the most compassionate, forgiving, compelling man ever. I was this snot nosed kid who wasn’t good at anything and I lost my temper all the time, I wasn’t a leader. I was nothing like him.” you continue. John is frowning at you, having started to peer out from between his fingers as you talk.

“I idolised him, I wanted to be him but that gap was so great. I was shackled to this legacy and totally incompetent at it, in fact that chain that Dave has on his wrist is all about this. But throughout my life I’d watch him do all of this and I’d listen to him and I wanted to be like that.” you say.

“But you are a leader, it worked. I know you don’t lead much now but you did.” John points out.

“Shut up, you’re getting ahead of me. My point is when the game started all that changed.” you say.

You look down at your hands, clench your fingers together and try to supress the shake. It’s been so much time but it still feels as fresh as it did the day it happened. Rose says that’s trauma for you. You remember fumbling through the opening gambit of the game, the kernel, the house structure not holding. The blood.

“Signless died when I was getting into the game.” you say.

“He ended up a sprite but all of our parents went missing at the same sort of time, Fish Bitch got them and when she found Signlesssprite she stole the life from him. She left him empty, cold and weird. He wasn’t himself, not a leader but so close to who he was that just being around him hurt.” you say.

“I know what that feels like.” John says bitterly and yeah he does know.

“I was left trying to lead all these kids, most of them older than me. I was a leader and totally unprepared for it. This was what I wanted but not how I wanted it and I had no adults to guide me, my parents were dead, captured or captured and tortured. I had to lead and all I had to do it was everything I could remember about what Signless had said about leadership. I could barely remember a fucking thing that was helpful. Either because I was too dumb to understand when he explained, too young or I was being a kid and half listening and half watching TV or something else because I was a kid and that’s what kids do.” you say.

“I felt like a shitty leader and I got through by compromising and working with other people which is maybe the point but even now I’m nothing like he is and I’ve just abandoned the concept all together. But for that time I felt like the biggest failure going. I had the best example of leadership to study and pay attention to. Yet when it mattered I seemingly forgot how to do any of it and I was letting down everything he stood for, not only was I the worst leader but I was a terrible son.” you admit softly.

Silence hangs between the two of you and you sigh and look up at the movie posters he has tacked to the wall. His friends made them for him as moving in gifts. There’s a bunch of photos taped up as well that you know your soulmate took. John always seems to feel isolated from his friends, the whole resetting his universe thing did a number on him but at least he talks to his Roxy a lot. Plus being in a house with so many siblings ensures he doesn’t get quiet for long, not to mention having seen both Psii and Mituna go through separate downswings in their mood since he moved in has probably helped him feel less alone about feeling shitty.

“We had a plan to get our captured parents back and we were able to bring Signless back. We got lucky, I know we did. I got my parents back the way they always were. You got unlucky and it’s not fair and it’s never going to not be fair. Maybe you forgot some things like I did and unlike me you don’t get to make new memories with him but you have us.” you offer.

“Being a good son isn’t about remembering the things you’re supposed to remember if your parent dies. Being a good son is about a whole bunch of other things, you’re talking about grieving properly and preserving a memory and I get that maybe that was a milestone but I’m sure there’s great memories that you have with your dad that if he had the choice he’d rather you kept them than tie based knowledge you could get from anyone. You’re not a bad son, John. No one thinks that but you.” you add quickly.

“You think I should just suck it up and go.” John says bitterly.

“No, you insufferable windmill of ignorance, I don’t. Like I think that idiocy is gone but no it’s just whirling around ready to appear again, joke’s on me! So no, I didn’t say that. I think we should go to my room so I can get dressed and we can both fail at remembering how to tie a tie together, follow some bad guide on old youtube and then show up because this is going to be fun and Kanaya’s just going to fix our ties anyways so it barely matters.” you tell him.

John still has this uncertain little frown on his face so you continue, a little more gently.

“I think you should be there because it’s historic and there’ll be a party and food. If you can’t hack the whole night you don’t have to, we’d all understand but you shouldn’t miss it all.” you say.

John sighs, blows his nose with a loud honk that you have no idea how he managed to produce, and then gets up.

“After you then.” John says.

You lead the way up the stairs to your room and right where you expected it to be is a garment bag draped on your bed. You unzip it and start taking things out.

“Do you think Sign, Dis, and Psii are ever going to get married since that’s a thing people are doing now?” John asks, his voice still sounds a little flat and unenthusiastic but he’s trying and that counts for a hell of a lot.

“It’s not a thing that trolls do on Alternia. Sometimes you’d announce that someone was officially in a quadrant with you for the purposes of being sure the military would let you see them near drone season I think and of course people did jewelry as gifts there. Trolls on Earth got married to humans when that became legal and I think a few trolls married each other but none I ever knew. There were laws about marriage, soul marks and polyamorous relationships. Roxy knows more about it than me seeing as she’s got Jane and Sollux on her, ask her sometime.” you say as you kick off your shoes and socks because Kanaya’s even put especially coordinated socks in there for you.

“So trolls getting married is only controversial if they’re marrying other trolls then?” John asks.

“It’s not controversial, it’s just weird. If you’ve already claimed that they’re your whatever they are then that’s that. I guess for them it’s like ‘yeah, we already knew you were together why all this fuss?’. It’d probably have felt totally different by the time I was an adult and there were even more trolls who’d been hatched on Earth. I only think it’s a little weird because I never saw any adults doing it, it was always a human thing or a humans with trolls thing. Still, stuff changes. Especially here. The thing that would have been real controversial on Earth is Jean remarrying at all.” you say as you pull your sweater off and pick up the shirt from the garment bag.

“Because his soulmate’s dead?” John asks.

“Yeah. It’s not like the system was perfect and I’m sure the StriLondes can tell you in detail how much not being straight could suck even with you having literally no choice about your soulmate’s gender, adding the legality of marriage to that is a whole different thing. But it really wasn’t that long ago that you just could not get married to someone if they weren’t your soulmate, even if both people’s soulmates were already dead and gone. It’s a serious thing, you belong to your soulmate in real legal ways. It’s taboo enough loving someone else after that but to want to marry them like that relationship is in any way comparable to a ‘REAL’ one is a lot.” you explain, sounding scandalised and appropriately sarcastic.

“But, of course that’s a load of shit. They obviously love each other and I’m happy for them. Everyone is, but it probably helps that we never knew his soulmate and everyone likes Dolorosa. But if, say, Roxy died and Jane decided to marry someone else I would not be surprised if people around here had bad feelings about that. Culture’s tricky like that.” you say.

“I wonder how it’ll work out when we repopulate the Earth, if it’ll be humans like me and humans like them. I wonder if our species will deal with them like trolls did.” John says thoughtfully.

“If by that you mean that they’ll all get infected and soon enough everyone will have marks. That’s what they started doing to us. It’s contagious. Even if you start off with homosapiens humans and psychovirales humans I’ll bet that within, what, ten generations they’ll all have soulmarks and be batshit nuts.” you scoff and wrap your tie around the back of your neck with your shirt collar flipped up and your waistcoat still open.

“Hey, don’t take my job. Knowing stuff about science and shit, I’m the ectobiologist here.” John teases. It’s good that he’s making jokes again, even if his heart doesn’t sound like it’s quite in it.

“I’ll step right off then.” you chuckle and flip your husktop open.

You really need to thank Hal more often for downloading as much of the internet as he could before your planet was destroyed. Being able to open up a cached version of youtube and find anything that was still uploaded when the world ended is wonderful. There’s hundreds of videos about how to tie a tie and as you pick one John comes and stands near you. It’s a bittersweet thing, having this close of a connection to Earth culture but watching a man explain about tie knots and knowing that not only is he dead and gone but that this is likely the only lasting evidence any of you had that he ever existed. But maybe it’s not sad, despite his world being destroyed this man still gets to help two very lost teenage gods work out how to dress appropriately. Perhaps there’s something beautiful in that.

You both stand elbow to elbow as you watch the video, trying to follow along. It ends the first time and neither of you have a tied tie, you just have a spiral of fabric and John’s appears to just be knotted.

“Uh, maybe again?” John suggests and you play it once more.

You are not willing to admit how many repetitions of that video and then two different videos it took before the pair of you both manage to get your ties tied in anything resembling halfway decent. You smooth your jade tie down and button up your jade detailed waistcoat over it because that’s the colour theme for the bride’s side and the four Maryams absolutely ran with it.

“Thanks, Karkat. I know this was probably a lot of trouble to put you through, you had other things to do and-” John says.

“This was important too. But if you’re feeling really guilty I’m sure you can help me with the few jobs that I’ve got next.” you say brightly.

“I guess I did offer.” John laughs.

The rest of your list is simple enough to do, given what you’ve already delegated. It’s mostly counting things. You and John check that all of the tables are set right for the meal, that your parents have the cooking under control and that they don’t need anything brought out. You check that none of the bottles behind the bar are alcoholic, the Lalondes have all long been sober but it’s an unspoken rule that even if other people want to drink themselves they don’t do it around the Lalondes. It’s just thoughtless. Thankfully no one has been foolish enough to forget.

The flowers are all in place and as you go around counting the guests up you have only a few people to round up. Other Jake is running late but his Jade is there with him and vows to pop him right to you when he’s done. Your Dave had to go back to the house to get a different camera but you know he’d never be late, even if he had to loop time. All of the carapacians are here already, including Noir, both the solo version and the one who is currently shooting spades at PM from across the crowd.

Kanaya catches you early on, fixing your tie entirely with swift fingers and a kind smile. You whisper a warning about John who will certainly need his tie fixing as well but could she please be cautious about it. Your beloved moirail of course agrees and you know she will be as gentle as a lamb with him.

“Are you nervous?” you ask her as you check out the back of her hair for her.

“It isn’t me getting married.” Kanaya points out.

“No, your mom is and you’re a bridesmaid. Still enough room to be nervous, I’m nervous!” you laugh. Her hair, of course, is perfect.

“I’m not, really. Have you seen Rose? Do I look ok?” Kanaya asks, sweeping her hands over her jade and white dress and twirling a little so you can see the full effect of its floaty length.

“She was helping Equius with the lighting, now who’s not nervous?” you tease and Kanaya shoves you in the arm.

“Fine, but the possibility of other people’s weddings can’t have slipped your mind now that this one is happening. Namely ours with our soulmates.” Kanaya hisses and scratches at her arm anxiously. You bat her hand away and gently kiss her upper arm right where she was scratching over her soulmark of a glowing Earth with a rainbow of people around it.

“If by that do you mean have I already accidentally sort of proposed to Dave this morning, then yes.” you snort and Kanaya looks at you eyes wide and mouth open in shock.

“Also Rose said if I get married before you and her she’ll kill me.” you add.

Kanaya makes a strangled sound and hides her face in her hands.

“You’re going to smear your mascara.” you warn.

“As if I would. Oh my, oh wow, oh… I really don’t have the brain power to think about something like that today.” Kanaya whispers and drops her hands. Her makeup of course is pristine. You wrap your arm around her shoulders comfortingly and then you’re treated to the sound of a camera shutter going.

You follow the sound to see Dave floating about six feet away, camera in hand. You’d be more annoyed if he didn’t look so breathtakingly good. His crisp white shirt is perfectly neat on him and the jade green waistcoat and tie are unfairly attractive. His shoes are shined, his pants are perfectly pressed and even his hair is smooth and behaving despite flying back here from getting his camera. His camera that he just took a photo of you with.

“Shouldn’t you be doing something important?” you sigh.

“Like taking photos of the two prettiest people here you mean? Wait, no, it should be three I didn’t get myself in, hold up.” Dave says and spins around so his back is to you both and takes a shitty selfie with you two in the background on a very advanced camera.

Your soulmate, everybody. This is the loser you plan to marry someday, good god.

“Actually, speaking of taking photos have you seen Davepeta around? Kan you said their outfit was going to be hella, I gotta get that on film.” Dave says eagerly.

“Did you Kanaya? Did you in fact say that their outfit was going to be ‘hella’?” you ask sarcastically.

“Actually no. I believe I said it was going to be ‘off the chain’ and ‘bitchin’ actually. I am offended that you would misquote me like this Dave, you slander my good name.” Kanaya answers smoothly and by all appearances totally seriously.

“Fuck, Kan, you’re the very best.” Dave laughs.

“I know. They were over that way.” Kanaya says, waving her hand.

“Yesss. Later.” Dave says and flies off. You shake your head in very mild and at this point almost obligatory despair at Dave’s general antics. This is clearly a good use of his second camera.

“I had also better find John and fix him up, I will see you later.” Kanaya nods and slips off.

You had better return to your shoutier double with your near completed task list. Not that there’s any of your remaining jobs that can be done now as they hinge on the wedding actually happening. Needless to say he isn’t hard to find.

“Calliope, no. Not after what I’ve heard from Dirk about what that does to humans and certainly not before the actual ceremony.” he says to Calliope who appears to be holding what looks like a giant lollipop.

“I’ll go talk to Dirk about it, see what he said.” Callie says, undeterred and walks off quickly.

“No- I… ugh. Oh, there you are.” your double says as he sees you coming.

“Here I am. Everything that should be done at this point has been done.” you tell him.

“That’s good. I saw you outsourcing to Sollux though, what’s that about?” he asks suspiciously.

“There was a crisis, I delegated so I could handle it. It’s fine now.” you assure him. You’re a little light on the details because John deserves his privacy, especially on something so personal. Besides you might be slightly smug that despite being from the same game instance (despite a rebooted timeline) John seems to prefer you to him. Actually he tends to prefer the company of people who never interacted with that timeline’s John that he ‘replaced’ or whatever you want to call it. God, you’re so glad you don’t have to deal with game bullshit anymore.

“At least I know coming from you that when you say it’s handled that you’re not blowing smoke up my wastechute.” other you sighs. It’s strange sometimes still, hearing such a strong preference for Alternian terms that dropped from your vocabulary the more time you spent in American schools. Not to mention the Alternian accent that you never got. It still gives you a weird pang of homesickness for Alternia despite never having been there.

“Right, let’s headcount and both meet up here once we’ve got everyone to be sure we got the same number of people. Then I’ll get things started.” he says and you both take to the skies.

He actually coded a little thing for this, a checklist of people but you can see live who he’s checking off as you go around and do the same for the people you see. In five minutes or so you’ve returned with a full list. He goes off to get things started, he doesn’t need you again until afterwards and then it’s really more waiting to see if the adults need your help with serving food.

Most everyone is gathered about away from the chairs talking to each other. You spot a StriLondian cluster and veer that way. It’s your Rose who spots you first, she turns to you with her floaty jade dress ruffling with the movement, the shorter front directing the movement of the longer back. Wow, you’ve spent far too much time listening to Kanaya’s fashion talks it seems. Rose is a stark contrast from her double’s crisp Egbert blue suit that is a matching twin to her actual twin’s.

“Karkat, all done with rushing around like mad?” Rose asks you.

“For now. How’s Jake’s face? I’ve not seen him.” you ask.

“What’s wrong with Jake’s face? Aside from being perpetually attached to Dirk’s that is.” Roxy laughs. She’s in blue, a somewhat tense choice for a while what with having soulmates on either side of the aisle but eventually she opted for blue just to help balance the numbers.

“He got punched by a kangaroo and got a hell of a black eye.” you answer. It speaks volumes of Jake that not a single person considers this surprising for him.

“I saw him earlier and I couldn’t have told you that. Dad-Dirk’s makeup skills are truly impressive, I should ask him to teach me sometimes.” other Rose says and sips at something elegant with a cherry in it.

“I saw him too, it’s fine.” other Dirk agrees and you relax a touch.

“If you’re looking for Dave-” Rose starts to say.

“No, he’s about taking pictures. I know. I’m sure I can find him, literally the entire world’s population is if not here then within a mile.” you say.

You’re sure you’ll find each other again soon enough, if nothing else your assigned seats for the wedding are next to each other. He’s not allowed to take pictures during, there’s just the cameras set up to take them every so often and one to film. Jean and Dolorosa wanted to be clear that everyone should be taking time to be in the moment rather than working. So, yeah, you’ll see Dave soon enough.

“I know we should be thinking about the wedding, that it’s the whole point of the date to do that but it’s been a year.” other Roxy says into the small silence that formed after your answer.

You remember the end of the game. Blood, agony, then the door and all of the rest of it starting. The passage of a whole year wasn’t smooth for any of you, especially with time players around keenly aware of what was happening on X day last year throughout the whole time. The anniversary of the game beginning, the day Mom Lalonde got sprited and died, the anniversary of Dave and Rose being taken by Bro and going god tier. So many bad days. There were good ones too of course. Hal had a proper birthday in his current body, as did all of the former sprites.

“I’d rather be doing this than just waiting, feeling like at any moment it’s going to be a ‘gotcha’ just waiting for something peaceful and happy like this.” other Rose says tightly.

“You’re not the only one, betcha all the boonbucks that the LOHACSE ever gave me that there ain’t no one here with an empty strife deck right now.” other Dave says, speaking for the first time since you got there.

No one says anything to that and the sickles that you purposefully kept in your specibus today burn in accusation.

Your double is calling people to come take their places so you allow yourself to get swept up in the hustle and bustle of people slowly ambling to where they’re meant to be. There’s a pop of green light and you see other Jake and Jade appear across the way, good just in time.

You know where your seat is, you’ve seen the seating plan a hundred times at least. Rose sits in the seat but one to your right, the empty place between you should be filled by Dave but it is, as previously stated, empty. You scan the crowd but can’t see him.

“What is it? You’re bouncing around like crazy, did you forget something or what?” Sollux demands from your other side.

“Don’t you think something’s missing from this picture?” you reply and jerk your thumb in the direction of Dave’s empty seat.

Instead of looking around for his moirail Sollux looks up and then points to a spot up and behind you. You twist and see Dave taking more pictures even though he’s not meant to be doing that now at all. You grit your teeth a hiss Dave’s name loud enough to draw the attention of several people, including other Dave who shoots you a bewildered ‘what did I do?’ look. Your soulmate looks down at you from the air.

Glaring right at him you snap your fingers and point down at his seat. Sollux snickering to himself is not helping your composure. Dave rolls his eyes and his whole head too before swooping over and dropping into his seat.

“Bossy.” Dave says, points the camera at you and snaps a close up right in your face.

Long gone are the days when him photographing you with your knowledge used to fluster you, if you got in a twist every time Dave pointed a camera at you because he felt like it you’d do nothing else. Besides, letting him indulge himself is the quickest way to get the impulse to pass.

“What about the clear instructions to not take pictures and simply be in the moment for the ceremony eluded you?” you challenge him.

“I blame the far too cute bearer of the message, how can I pay attention when he’s so cute?” Dave says in mock offense.

“He is but a mortal man, Karkat. Have mercy.” Rose agrees, throwing an arm around Dave’s shoulder.

“Bzzt, he’s a god. Request for mercy denied, smiting will commence shortly.” you counter.

A decent sized pop of red and blue makes you jerk back and at first you’re about to accuse Sollux and then you catch Psii’s eye. He’s slightly turned in his seat to look back at you and he raises one scarred eyebrow and conveys quite clearly an aura of ‘don’t make me come back there’. It’s the same shit you’d get as little kids for squabbling in the back seat of the car.

The John you’re not related to (though soon by marriage you will be) has already started playing a church organ thing, and boy was that a pain to alchemise, so yeah you’d better shut up. Dave and Rose’s faces are identical mirrors of ‘ha ha you got in trouble and we didn’t’ so you just silently scowl and sit back in your seat.

You look around for the John who is your brother and find him at the end of your row. Davepeta has a wing around him but he looks to be handling this fine so far. That’s good.

Jean is already at the altar with Signless, though you don’t know when he got there. There had been talks for a while about whether Signless would walk Dolorosa down the aisle before marrying them but she had decided that’d be silly for him to do both and no one should be ‘giving her away’ anyway. So as such Dolorosa sweeps down the aisle in a physics defying gauzy white dress, flanked on three sides by Maryams. They look more like high class bodyguards or assassins than bridesmaids, like an all female Reservoir Dogs or something. Classy and intimidating is very on par for them.

Having delivered the bride the three younger Maryams take their seat in the front row, leaving just Signless, Dolorosa and Jean Egbert up at the from of you all.

Signless stands in the archway with notecards in his hands. He looks at the couple and then out at all of you and you can see the uncertainty on his face and then familiar calm as he throws the notecards over his shoulder. He speaks and as they always do, everyone listens.

“For all our similarities, humans and trolls are very different.” He begins.

“On Alternia things are supposed to be like this: you’re hatched, you get a lusus and everything else is on you. You choose your own friends, your own quadrantmates, it’s very much a choice. On Earth, on your Earth, things are different. Your parents do not choose you, you do not choose your soulmate, it’s down to fate. Certainly it does not always work out and naturally circumstance and free will play a part but the two are starkly contrasted.” he says.

“My mother chose me and broke tradition and law to do it, my own sister has a human soulmate also counter to troll culture. Maryams do not do tradition or expectations it seems. Jean Egbert on the other hand dearly loves the children fate handed to him, but he also chose to take in and love many more children just as much when he didn’t need to. I think it is safe to say that even without marrying my mother your family is not traditional by Earth standards.” your dad says with a slight smile and you breathe a slight sigh of relief that he didn’t mention the man’s soulmate. Your dad has more tact than that, though.

“It was tradition that I was thinking of leading up to this. You two know how you feel about each other but it means something to make it official in some way, but we don’t have traditions. We have no culture but the one we form here, all that came before belongs to dead universes, extinct planets and history. History is important of course, but in front of literally the entire population of this planet we begin a new tradition and one of choice.” he continues.

“So, does anyone here have any objection to these two choosing to officially join their lives together?” he calls out.

You turn to eyeball Mituna to make sure he doesn’t think he’s being funny but you’re surprised to see him all misty eyed and clearly not intending on interfering at all.

“Somehow I thought not! So, Jean Egbert, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love, honour and respect her?” your dad asks, focusing his attention on dadbert. They must have practiced this at least a little because he already has the ring in hand.

“I do.” Egbert says and slides the ring onto your grandmother’s finger.

“Dolorosa. Porrim Maryam, mom. Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love, honour and respect him?” he asks turning to her.

“I do.” she says quietly and literally beams as she puts the ring on Mr Egbert.

“Then by the power vested in me by literally the entire world’s population, I declare you man and wife you may- oh wow.” Signless cuts off as Dolorosa rushes Dadbert to kiss and dramatically dip him which doesn’t seem to surprise him one bit.

You can hardly hear over how loud everyone is clapping and cheering.

The smile that you have no control over stretches your face and within you joy bubbles up hot and bright. This is love on the Earth that you all brought back to life. Love and new things, a whole future like this for so many people including you. You died fighting for this and you weren’t the only one. But, oh, it feels worth it right now. Dave snaps a picture of the happy couple as they walk down the aisle, their kids following after them in a rush with jolted piano keys from John.

Dave darts off with a job to do. You have your own work in a while when it comes to the food but for now your double and Kankri are using their blood powers to locate and retrieve people for specific picture set ups. Everyone else is milling around so you just kind of stand there uselessly.

“I think it’s really nice.” The Summoner says from somewhere behind you and you turn your head and watch the exchange out of the corner of your eye. A lot of the troll adults are gathered together, your mom included.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the promise of food, cake, and the chance to dress fancy but we all already knew they were together. This whole thing seems like a waste of time.” Mindfang says huffily and sips at a drink that Davepeta or Arquius must have handed out, that was their task at this point in the day.

“Jean is human, it has a lot of meaning to him and the other humans.” Darkleer points out.

“It just seems so arbitrary, did he have to decide he felt a certain strength of affection for her before this happened? Is there some formula for picking the right time? How do people decide something like that?” Mindfang says.

“The day is hardly arbitrary Mindfang, I know you know that.” Redglare says in her crisp District Attorney voice.

“I concede the point for this wedding alone, but I maintain it for all others.” Mindfang says.

“People pick dates for all sorts of reasons, for convenience so choosing a weekend rather than a weekday or something. Then people wait for milestones, things like ‘when we both finish college’ or something like that. Then there’s dates of significance to either of them, like the day they matched is often chosen with humans.” your mom explains.

You’re pretty sure that if you set Christmas eve as the date of yours and Dave’s wedding people would strangle you, forget being close to Christmas, it’s right on Twelfth Perigee’s Eve for the way the Alternian and human calendars have been condensed. Doing that was a real brain ache for the time players, to make sure no one lost a wriggling day and to merge calendars that didn’t neatly divide into each other. But now that it’s done to pick such a date would be absurd.

Not that picking the date you met would be any less disastrous, given that you met Dave right after Bro died you imagine the timing might be a little touchy.

You pay attention to their conversation again only to find that they’re discussing the differences between quadrant love and human non quadrant love. Also Darkleer is awkwardly pale flirting with your mom again, time to leave.

You wander over to the cluster of your friends who have dragged a group of chairs together, caring not for all the work and planning that went into that seating arrangement.

“Hello Karkat, come sit here.” other Terezi says brightly, patting the empty seat on her right hand side. Naturally other Vriska is on the other side. You know she knows which one of you she’s addressing, never have you ever seen either Terezi slip up on that and yet everyone else has mistaken at least one person for the other version of them. You wonder if you smell different to her, you must but you doubt she could describe just how.

“Blugh, all this jade around is making me feel green in a bad way. Not that I don’t like ms. Mint Julep and her whole cut grass, spearmint, fresh pea, little family but there’s only so much I can take!” Terezi whines.

“You could always go sit with more blue people.” you suggest.

“Apparently we’re the wrong shade of blue.” other Rose says with a shake of her head.

“You’re all talc and lavender.” Terezi grimaces. That sounds unpleasant in a retirement home full of old ladies kind of way to you, no wonder she’s not a fan.

“Gee, ‘rezi, if I’d have known I’d have bathed in Axe just for you.” other Dave scoffs.

“No, absoluteleyyyyyyyy not! That stuff is banned, it gives even me a headache let alone poor Terezi.” Vriska declares.

“Wait, what’s this about? I’ve not heard about this.” you say. Sure, you went to school, you know the perils of teenage boys and far far too much body spray. But it’s never been a Dave thing, not yours at least and if Dirk ever went through that phase he finished it long before meeting you.

“Other John was wearing it to aggravate my double, only when your pitch flirtations make everyone in the same building as your kismesis want to break your legs-” she says with a hiss. You bet Latula is glad that she can’t smell in that situation.

“Then you’re just being a dick.” you conclude and Terezi nods.

“Naturally this is hilarious.” Rose fills in for you.

“Of course it-” you cut off when you feel a sharp jerk within you which at first you misattribute to Dave. He’s long since been the source of strange and sudden feelings that you can’t explain, thanks to his mark on your arm. The best explanation anyone has still for that is that it’s a blood thing. But, no, this isn’t Dave who you can see is calmly directing some people to stand a little closer together. Instead this feels like Kankri just outright jerking on your sibling bond instead of bothering to come get you or troll you.

You bid the others goodbye and fly over to Dave’s camera where you notice behind it a good number of your other siblings are gathered, including a slightly uncomfortable looking John.

“Did Kankri just jerk you over here with his stupid blood powers?” you ask Mituna.

“No, just… shoo, shoo, over there.” Mituna says in a falsetto that is nothing like Kankri’s voice but makes you laugh anyway.

“Good to know I’m special I guess. I’ll give him a piece of my mind when he shows up.” you complain.

“Karkat.”

You wince and figure maybe you won’t do that, not with your moirail standing just on the other side of Dave’s camera, her voice warning you. Also if you make her break from her place in the photo currently being taken to shoosh you out of an argument your soulmate won’t be best pleased either.

Your mom and dad walk up to the cluster of family members as your double swoops over the crowd directing more over to you. You guess word has spread about John because Psii makes a, hah, a beeline right for him.

“How’re you holding up at the most family of family events in way more green than we’re used to?” Psii asks and Kankri pushes Meulin over to your group.

“Kind of a jump from being an only child.” John concedes.

“I bet. You know there was a point in time when Mituna was an only child.” Psii points out.

“You should have stopped then!” Mituna cackles and Meulin shoves him by the shoulder.

“It wasn’t really a choice, mother grubs are complicated like that and we got somewhat more than we anticipated.” your mom says reasonably.

“Hm, yeah, I still remember you being like ‘hey Psii, let’s have a kid it’ll be great’.” Psii scoffs.

“I am great.” Mituna adds.

“And that is definitely not how we made that offer to you.” your mom says slyly, ugh, gross.

You gag loudly as the rest of your siblings laugh around you.

“But thanks, Psii, I’m glad I came. Some things are… a lot but I’m glad Karkat annoyed me into letting him in so he could talk me into coming.” John says.

Oh crap. You try to convey through silent and desperate facial expressions that John needs to shut up right now but as per usual your dumb human brother just blunders right on heedless of your good advice.

“Well I’m glad.” Psii nods.

“Yeah, I said to him it’s lucky that I’m not epileptic or anything given how he got me to open to the door.” John says, dropping you right in it.

“Why would…” Psii trails off and turns to look at you suspiciously as Sollux does a highly convincing impression of someone who not only was not involved with your rule breaking but has also never seen this man before, officer, really.

“Karkat. Were you fucking with the fuse box?” Psii asks stonily. Sollux inches away from you, the traitor.

“It was an emergency!” you insist.

Psii narrows his eyes at you and then glances at John who seems to be understanding that he just dropped you in major shit over here.

“I don’t think I could have come here if he hadn’t.” John chips in. You revoke your earlier slander of him, he’s a good brother.

“On this ONE occasion, I’ll let it go. But if anyone else takes that shit up again you and they will both be grounded, understand? No fucking with the fuse box!” Psii insists and you all nod.

Dave dismisses half of the people in the photo currently being taken and starts ushering people into place for this one. Dolorosa wants all of her family and all of Mr Egbert’s family in this one. You watch as he trollhandles other Gamzee into place, his face paint pristine even over his scars. It took a long time for Egbert to bring him back to something close to what the people in his session consider normal but he’s done it.

“Wait, no, Kurloz here and then Mituna swap with Kankri ok?” Dave instructs and then considers that row of people done.

Dave shuffles people into place and when he gets to you he kisses you quickly on the cheek.

“Boo, unfair. Favouritism.” Sollux jeers jokingly but all the same Dave rolls his eyes and then gently paps Sollux on the cheek. He pauses and pulls out another camera, how many does he even have? Then he takes a quick candid shot of the Egbert side talking to each other as they wait for Dave to finish lining the last of them up. You bet it’ll be a great picture, Dave’s so skilled at photography and you’re fiercely proud of him for it.

“Alright, let’s go. Over here everyone.” Dave says from behind his mounted camera now and everyone quietens down and smiles for the photo. A year ago you’d have never believed that you’d be here doing this, not with the bloodbath that fight was.

Eventually photos get done just in time for the food to be ready and you help with getting people seated. The flowers from Jade’s gardens look amazing on each table and the food is incredible as always. The next table over from you your sisters are teaching John more sign language for the things around him, naturally beyond the basic things the first thing everyone else taught him was curses and insults. It helps that he’s not the only one who doesn’t know the language and has to learn. Davepeta and your double are still learning. Other Sollux doesn’t know it either but he and Meulin have mostly resorted to trying to make sure that they’re looking at each other and talking aloud so she can lipread or else her just trolling him because he’s learnt enough from Terezi to be able to read text. It’s complicated.

The Sollux from your universe can’t imagine wanting to stay blind for something so recent when Aranea could so easily change that for him, but other Sollux can’t imagine ever being okay with getting ports put in and then leaving them in. Then the great debate about medication and treatment for their other brain shit. There was a fair bit of arguing until Psii intervened with a ‘your choice is not my choice’ lecture and they should both butt out of each other’s business. That works with… mixed results.

“Hey, I wanted to say thanks for today. And also pass that plate.” your double says, breaking your train of thought and pointing at the dish of chicken next to you.

“It really adds to the sincerity when you pair those two things.” you tell him as you pass the dish.

“Suck my globes.” he responds without feeling, takes some meat and then hands the dish back. You set it back where you got it.

“No, what I meant was I know you hate the whole leadership thing despite being obviously hatched for it-” he begins.

“Disagree. Also seeing as I did the ectobiology for our session and sent us down as grubs I know I didn’t hatch full stop, much less for leadership.” you say flatly.

“See my earlier point about my globes.” your double retorts.

You take a sip of your drink, entirely ignoring the despairing look he’s giving you.

“My point was I really needed you to hold up your end of things today or everything would have gone sideways so fast and you handled it all as well as the extra emergencies that came up. I had other help of course but I knew I didn’t have to handhold you through it, it was really important so thank you.” he says.

Okay, you should try to be less of a tool to him, he is trying to be nice.

“It was a team effort. Thanks for organising it all, everything’s gone really well.” you say.

You’re being honest too. The sun is starting to set and the twinkling lights strung up around the outdoor area with all of the tables make everything look magical. There’s a bright buzz of happy conversation around you as the day has passed without the feared chaos and instead you’re all together having a good time, celebrating love, surviving and the future. It’s a community, just like Signless’ followers at the community centre were and how those seasonal parties felt like belonging and hope.

It’s not your old home but this place and these people together like this absolutely are home, you didn’t lose that. A lot of people have finished eating and are drifting from their tables. Jade has wandered over to your table and is talking brightly to John and Davepeta, the group that you’ve privately come to think of as the geek squad (the Dirks, Hal, Equius, Arquius, and Horrus) are clustered together no doubt shooting the shit about robots or maybe horses.

“Oh they’re doing the cake early, makes sense as the food went fast.” your double notes and you peer around him to see Mr Crocker and Other Jane carrying out a cake that can probably feed hundreds and hundreds, let alone the smaller number present

They’re clearly looking around for the knife to cut it but can’t find it and you watch as your grandmother innocently whips out her chainsaw and revs it threateningly. Mr Crocker looks on in alarm but you watch as Jean Egbert’s face cycles from ‘swoon’ to ‘wait that’s probably a bad plan’. Yeah, that guy’s gonna survive your family just fine. Dolorosa laughs, puts the chainsaw away and pulls the cake knife out, she was just teasing them this whole time! They cut their first slice together as photos are taken and a dawning and terrible idea steals over you.

“Wait he knows not to do the cake in the face thing, right?” you ask hurriedly and quietly.

“Yeah, John told me. Don’t worry, Mr Egbert has been warned that if he shoves cake in Dolorosa’s face he’s a dead man. Earth has weird traditions.” other you says with a shake of his head.

“It’s not an Earth tradition, it’s an American thing. The whole world wasn’t America you know.” you counter.

“You’re all American.” he says.

“Oh so just erase everyone else’s culture.” you sneer.

“I finally get what everyone is going on about, it is strange hearing your own words from someone else’s mouth.” Kankri interrupts.

Did- did Kankri just accuse you of sounding like him? Of being his double?! He just-

You can hear multiple people around the table all trying not to bust out laughing when Dolorosa and Jean are cutting their cake and having a moment but it’s not helped by Kankri looking more smug than you ever thought was physically possible. Mituna leaps across the table and high fives him impossibly hard, you’re pretty sure you’re going to die now.

“Oh, oh Karkitty you’re never living this down.” Nepeta giggles into her napkin.

Ahead of you Dolorosa takes the initiative and smears cake in Jean’s face instead and people in the audience who haven’t heard of your humiliation laugh and clap, giving your siblings the cover to openly drown you in their mocking laughter. You push yourself out of your chair and stalk over to the StriLonde table, you drop into Dirk’s unoccupied seat.

“My family is terrible I’m emancipating myself and joining yours.” you inform them all.

“Is this because you sound like Kankri?” Roxy asks with a devious grin.

“I do not and how do you know about that?!” you demand. Roxy holds up her phone and you can see the splash of treasonous mustard text over her screen.

“Goddamn Sollux you gossipy fuck. Bros before spades, what the hell?” you hiss, making Roxy giggle.

“It’s okay Karkat, you can sit with us.” other Roxy assures you.

“He requested to join our family though, surely that presents some complications with Dave?” Rose asks, flicking probably nonexistent dust off of the shoulder of her dress.

“Wait, no-” you begin.

“Well, shit,” other Dave says as he balances on the back two legs of his chair, “accidentally implying something weirdly sexual about someone you’re related to is basically the entry criteria for this family.”

“One of us, one of us!” other Rose declares and bangs her fist on the table, suddenly all of them are laughing and chanting along.

“We accept him, we accept him. One of us, one of us!”

You put your head down on the table and accept your fate, hoping for the mercy of any god watching to spare you this agony. But there are no gods, just these fuckers.

“Why are we referencing Freaks? I want in. Hi Karkat.” Dave says from behind you, his hand patting your back.

“We’re accepting Karkat into our family, he declared his intention to be one of us and immediately fell into a Freudian slip. A speed record.” the other one explains.

“I’m the proudest, dude.” Dave says and sits down, the chanting breaking off into laughter.

You take your head off of the table and accept your teasing like a man.

The evening progresses much that way, people swapping places to talk and hang out. Space is cleared and music starts, a first dance is had. Your sisters drag you to dance with them before you get to even ask Dave. When you turn around to look for him Jade pulls you into a quick and dizzying dance with her, the two of you conspire to knock your double into his Dave because he’s been trying to ask him to dance for a while and not got the balls to do it. It’s dumb, they’re together so it should be easy. They both stare at each other when Dave catches him and then with quiet teasing and shy smiles they do actually go and dance together.

You’d ask your soulmate to dance if only you could find him. You get waylaid in your search by Dolorosa throwing her bouquet and Jake catching it right in the face which makes you wince because that can’t be fun on that black eye that’s under all that makeup. But also you get to watch Dirk stare at him and slowly turn tomato red from the shirt collar upwards.

You stand on the edge of the dance area looking around, you’re happy to be around so many happy people. It’s great that the game is all done and over with, that you’re free. To be here on the anniversary with two kinds of humans, trolls, carapaces, consorts and even a cherub. It’s great, peace on Earth and all that.

You still want your soulmate and he’s not here.

You doubt he’d have gone back home, he seemed fine and Sollux is over there and Dave’s presumably told neither of you where he is. He’s not gone-gone as it were, just stepped away. You push up into the air, your wings fluttering behind you as they appear. You’re just going to have to look harder for him.

It’s not his pool but it is a pool, that’s where you find him. Alone and away from the party. The music is a distant hum and thump of bass. Dave is sat on the end of the diving board, his shoes a little way up from the water and his phone left on the side on the tiles. There’s a party, a pool and the boy you’re desperately in love with. You’re a whole universe away but this feels just like it did before, before you were together and still trying to be a good friend despite how deeply you ached to be with him. You had sat on his diving board with him, talking and having a good time. You could sneak up on him, shove him in the water, but why scare him?

“Hey.” you call out and Dave looks back at you. He raises one hand in a silent wave and you catch the flash of your red on his wrist as he does.

You flit up in the air just a touch and land gently on the diving board. As you do Dave gently falls backwards so he’s laying down, you settle down just by his head.

“Wondered where you’d gone off to.” you say.

“Sorry, I just needed to think.” Dave replies.

“Is something up?” you ask and reach out to neaten his hair up a little. He frowns and you follow the expression with your fingers, fingertips tracing over his scarred eye.

“Thinking about time.” he says cryptically.

You don’t want to guess what he might mean, whether this is sentimental stuff or whether this is worrying aspect concerns is beyond you but he’ll keep talking. He always does.

“Trolls live for different lengths of time and humans, well, we have a range. Are we going to live forever because we’re gods? Are we going to age and do I need to do something to change that? Should I do something to change that?” Dave says in a rush.

“Those are… big questions.” you say slowly, though you can’t say that you hadn’t considered several of them before. The prospect of spending eternity stuck in your mid teens isn’t exactly appealing if you’re honest.

“Yeah. Sorry.” Dave mumbles.

“No, don’t be. I guess it makes sense, big milestones like this wedding, like the year mark of being here… it makes you think.” you agree.

Dave sits up, swinging his legs over the side of the board so he can sit next to you. His hand shyly inches across the board to touch yours.

“I was thinking about all that, about how I don’t know how much time we have and about how much we lost through me being stupid and then the game. Even if it is infinite it seems stupid to just dick about doing nothing. And- I’d thought…” he says.

He frowns, he’s not looking at you but his purple eyes look dark in the moonlight. He glances around but you’re still both alone.

“You know how younger Jake and Dirk- his Dirk I mean not dad-Dirk,” Dave says quickly. You don’t think that the Dirk from your universe knows that a lot of the StriLondes call him that but it shouldn’t surprise him, he’s still acting like he’s the parent of all the people in that house.

“What about them?” you prompt.

“They’ve been seeking out, like, notable sites from their Earth’s time in here since we dried them out and going on digs to break into ye olde Fort Knox or something.” Dave explains.

“I was mostly under the impression that they were flying off around the world to get some peace and quiet and probably fuck in the forest.” you say flatly and Dave crows with laughter that is almost eerily Davepeta like.

“That too probably.” Dave sniggers.

He bounces the diving board up and down a little as he swings his feet back and forth over the water. He clearly still has something on his mind so you wait him out.

“I was thinking we could do that.” he says softly.

“Fuck in the woods?” you ask as seriously as you can manage but you break down laughing when Dave slaps you in the arm.

“No you- I thought you were supposed to be the romantic one of us here.” Dave groans. That, of course is a complete lie. He is absolutely romantic, every gift he’s ever given you is thoughtful, he confessed to you on Christmas eve, he is absolutely a romantic.

“I meant I’d like to see our world. I want to see if the pyramids are still there, I want to fly through the grand canyon with you, see if the Great Wall of China is still standing. I want to watch the stars we made exist from the middle of a desert and sit around a campfire with you. We could go swimming in tropical reefs, fly to the north pole. I want to see the world with you. And it’s not like anything could go wrong really, I can stop time, we’re both immortal, we can make any supplies we need to take and if we got in real trouble Jade could pop us back.” Dave says hurriedly, not looking at you as he talks. His cheeks are going red.

This is Dave, Dave the ‘not-a-romantic’. Dave who was made for you down to his very atoms, whose loss wrenched the life from your body before. Dave your soulmate who upon seeing a wedding, an expression of love and joy, is trying to gift you the planet to show how much he wants to be with you.

“We could be the first people to see some of those things again,” he blathers on, “I was thinking maybe six months or so. I know we couldn’t go for too long because family and moirails and all that. But we could go to space too, I know other Jade has checked out the nearby planets but we could spend some time on that planet that’s basically Mars. Or we could hoof it out to the Jupiter look alike, I wasn’t really in an ‘enjoy Jupiter’ mood when we were near the real thing the first time but I could try again for you. There’s planets out there that rain diamonds, I could ask Hal to find me one and we could fly there and I could catch you a diamond from the actual sky.”

You nearly knock him into the water with how suddenly and forcefully you kiss him. It’s ok, it’s been a long time indeed since Dave’s had anything other than a positive response to getting kissed by you. He’s your perfect soulmate, as if such a thing even needed saying. All the same you’re so often surprised by how great he is. He’s supposed to be everything that you deserve but you know how little you feel that is, but he is consistently better than you could have ever dreamed. Little Karkat clutching his arm in the hospital the first night his mark came in could have never imagined Dave in all his multi-faceted perfection.

“We should do that.” you agree a little breathlessly.

“See the world? Or the planets?” Dave asks with hope in his eyes.

“Either. Both. Earth first and then maybe go out further. We’ll probably have to come back a few times since we have no clue what we’re doing but yes.” you say.

Dave’s smile is blindingly beautiful. After everything that’s ever happened to him, Bro, his Mom, being abducted by trolls, the end of the world, being forced to play the game, dying over and over, given control over time itself, being killed by a god and starting a new world he is STILL able to be happy. He’s still able to be the impossible boy that reached through the species barrier to write himself into your dna and show up on your skin, to look you in the eye and smile because he’s happy to be around you. Because he wants to show you the world and the universe. Because he loves you.

“Hey, Dave?” you say softly.

“Yeah?” Dave replies.

“I really love you.” you whisper.

Dave looks back at you, his purple eyes meeting your grey ones. He sets his hand on yours.

“I know.” he says solemnly.

The startled screech he makes as you shove him backwards into the water is deeply satisfying and you don’t even care that Kanaya’s going to skin you for ruining her hard work on his clothes. You care more when Dave bursts from the water to drag you in as well.

“How could you do this to me, Karkat? You know I can’t swim!” Dave laughs, kicking backwards through the pool.

“I’m going to drown you, you useless mammal!” you shout and swim after him even though you’re laughing along just as hard.

Yeah, you couldn’t have ever wanted anyone else but him. He’s your soulmate.