Chapter Text
Maura finished her nightly bedtime routine and got into bed. She picked up her cell phone, checking to see if she had missed any texts or calls, fully knowing she hadn't. She wasn't sure what she was even expecting. She'd barely spoken to Jane since Thanksgiving weekly. They exchanged a few texts over the past few weeks and made plans for this coming Christmas week holiday. She had been hoping there would be more of an attempt from Jane to talk to her before they'd be back together, but that hadn't happened.
Maura had painstakingly replayed the conversation on her front porch a hundred times in her head, wondering if she'd made a huge mistake in how she responded, both then and the following day. That night they'd gone inside to find the house full with Jane's family. Maura had slipped upstairs at the first opportunity, leaving Jane with her family, and after that they'd only managed one moment of privacy before Jane left.
After breakfast Sunday morning, Jane followed Maura upstairs to her bedroom and closed the door behind them. "Um…should we talk? I don't know how we left things last night. I don't know what to do."
Maura wasn't sure what to say or whether she wanted to get into this conversation again. "You look tired. Were you up late with your brothers?"
"Not really. But I didn't sleep much last night. Honestly, I'm not really sure what happened. I thought we felt the same way and that seems like it should be a good thing."
"You can't keep making decisions that affect me without including me in the decision making process."
"What do you mean?"
"Last night. Moving away. Coming to Paris."
"You didn't want me to come to Paris?"
"That's not the point. The problem is you didn't give me a choice."
"So you're mad about Paris?" Jane huffed.
Maura sighed. "I had a wonderful time in Paris with you. But it was supposed to be time to work on myself and think about what I wanted in life, and I couldn't do that with you there."
"Why not? You could have talked to me about it."
"No, I couldn't have. Figuring out what I want in life is also figuring out how to get over you."
"Get over me?"
"Yes, get over you," Maura replied in exasperation. "Because I love you."
"Well I love you too," Jane shot back, irritation overriding common sense. "That's what I'm trying to tell you. I love you. I want to be with you. I want us to be together."
This only made Maura angrier. "You left, Jane, and this—whatever this is that's happening this weekend with you, is not good for me. You can't leave and expect everything to go how you want it to when you change your mind."
Maura was startled out of her memory by the sound of the doorbell ringing. She pulled on her robe and went downstairs. Pulling back the curtain on the window to the side of the door, she saw Jane standing on her front porch, shifting her weight back and forth on either foot impatiently. She opened the door and said, "Jane? I thought you were arriving tomorrow."
Jane breezed past Maura into the house and dropped her duffle bag on the floor. "I know. I, um…I came a day early, and I wasn't going to tell anyone, but I really need to talk to you."
"I don't understand. What aren't you telling anyone?"
Instead of answering, Jane asked, "Is anyone else here?"
"No, it's just me. What's going on?"
"Can we sit and talk?"
"Sure. Do you want something to drink? I have beer for you."
"Um, yeah, that would be great."
"Go sit in the living room, I'll be right there."
Maura went to the kitchen and leaned against the counter for a moment, taking a deep breath. She didn't want to open any of the bottles of wine she had for Christmas so she pulled two beers out of the fridge and popped the tops off. She took a long drink from one, wrinkling her nose at the bitter taste she still hadn't quite grown accustomed to. She pulled her robe tighter around her and carried the two bottles to the living room, passing one to Jane, and sitting down on the opposite end of the couch from her, folding her legs in front of her as she settled into the corner of the couch.
"So, what's all this about?" Maura asked.
Jane took a sip of beer and then put it down on the end table, turning her full attention to Maura. "I have a meeting at the Boston FBI office tomorrow."
"Why?"
"To discuss some potential job openings."
"Does that mean you're going to move back to Boston?"
"Maybe. That's why I want to talk to you."
"What about Quantico and your teaching job?"
"The teaching has been fine, but it's not really my thing," Jane said. "Honestly, I'm kinda bored with it. I miss working cases. I've committed to teaching through the next new agent class, but I'll be finished by the summer. I've already told my supervisors, but the FBI is interested in keeping me and has some openings they want me to consider."
"In Boston?"
"Technically Boston and a few other cities. They're looking at me for positions in the counterterrorism and public corruption units. They're good opportunities."
"What does this have to do with me? What do you want to talk to me about?"
Jane put her largely ignored beer down and focused all of her attention on Maura. "I know I've made a bunch of mistakes, but I meant everything I said last time I was here. I love you. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out, but I want to come back here to be with you. The thing is…if you tell me you don't want the same thing, I don't know if I can come back to Boston and go back to the way things were before. So I want to know if we have a chance at a relationship?"
Maura sat quietly, contemplating how to respond. Finally she said, "So you're putting this all on me, this decision about whether you're going to move back to Boston, to where I am and also all of your family is? I'm supposed to make a decision now about our relationship to determine your future?"
"That's not-" Jane started to say, but Maura interrupted her.
"What if we try and a relationship doesn't work out between us? Are you going to leave again."
"Why wouldn't it work out?" Jane asked earnestly.
Maura shrugged a little. She was trying to maintain some semblance of control of this conversation, but Jane's confidence was unnerving her. "Most relationships don't last. Even if we want everything to work out a certain way, I can't give you any assurances about our future."
"I have no intention of making the mistake of leaving you again," Jane responded seriously.
Maura laughed lightly and shook her head. "I want to be so angry with you right now."
"But?" Jane said hopefully.
"I always thought you knew how I felt. I thought you didn't say anything to spare my feelings or, I don't know, just because you didn't want to have an awkward conversation. But I thought you must know. I want to be angry with you because it's easier than being angry with myself for never admitting to you my feelings."
Jane moved across the couch to sit right next to Maura and took hold of her hand. "I didn't know. Or maybe I did on some level but I guess I needed to figure out my own feelings first. I think I needed to have some time away from you to understand what you really mean to me. I'm not trying to force you to make any decisions for me. I just want you to understand how serious I am about this."
Maura leaned forward, putting a hand against Jane's cheek, and then kissing her lips softly before saying, "Come home, Jane. We'll figure everything out together."
Jane smiled and pulled Maura back for another kiss, pulling her in close by threading her fingers through the soft hair at the base of her neck. She parted her lips, and Maura responded, deepening the kiss. She sighed when Maura broke off the kiss with another quick peck to her lips.
"That's really nice," Jane said softly.
Maura leaned back, one hand staying on Jane's upper arm, and said wistfully, "This summer?"
"Yeah. We have a whole week together now, although I think I have a new understanding of why you stopped me from kissing you at Thanksgiving."
"Why aren't you looking at going back to BPD?" Maura asked.
Jane took a deep breath before saying, "Oh, um, I still think a change is going to be good for me. I want new challenges and experiences. Plus, I'm not sure if we'd still be able to work together."
"Why not?"
"I mean, I don't know what the rules are, or if there are any rules about relationships between the Medical Examiners office and homicide detectives, but I can imagine a defense attorney having a field day talking about us colluding on evidence or something like that."
"That's ridiculous. We would never do that."
"I know, but you know how those things can go. The FBI won't let me anywhere near organized crime."
"Why?"
Jane just raised her eyebrows in response.
"Because of me? Because of Paddy Doyle?"
"Yes, and our history with him."
"That's even more ridiculous."
"The Boston FBI office doesn't have the best record with the mob, so it is what it is."
"I'm sorry if I'm limiting your job options."
"No, not at all. There's plenty of other departments and units and task forces. I'll see how things go tomorrow. Something will work out."
Maura squeezed Jane's arm. "Speaking of tomorrow, do you want to stay here tonight?"
Jane looked up at the clock on Maura's mantle. "Shit, it's late. I've got a hotel reservation, but yeah, if you don't mind, that would be great. I've got an early start in the morning."
"You don't ever have to ask to stay here. Go ahead upstairs, I'll be right up."
Maura turned off lights, made sure the doors were locked, and then went up to her bedroom. She finished getting ready for bed herself and then went down the hall to the guest room where she could hear Jane moving around. Jane was already in shorts and a t-shirt for sleeping and had somehow already completely taken over the guest room.
Leaning in the doorway to the room, Maura said, "Jane?"
"Yeah," Jane responded while focused on unpacking and hanging up clothes for the following day's interviews.
"I was thinking that you might want to sleep with me tonight."
Jane dropped the shirt she was trying to hang up and said, "What?"
Maura smiled and said, "Just sleep, in my bed. With me. It might be nice. I'm not suggesting anything else."
Jane sheepishly picked up the shirt from the floor and said, "Oh, uh, yeah. Let me finish unpacking, I'll be there in a minute."
When Jane got under the covers of Maura's bed a few minutes later, Maura curled up to her side, slung a leg across her hips, and draped an arm over her stomach. "Is this okay?"
"Hold on," Jane said. She shifted them both so she could put her arm around Maura and Maura could rest her head against Jane's chest. "Good?"
"Mm hmm," Maura murmured and tilted her head to press a kiss to Jane's jaw.
Jane moved a hand to Maura's thigh and was surprised to find bare skin. She moved her hand as high as she dared before saying, "Um, are you not wearing pants?"
"Mm hmm," Maura murmured again.
"Is this your normal sleeping attire?"
"It depends."
Jane rolled onto her side so they were face to face. She moved her hand along Maura's bare arm and then to her stomach, feeling the silky material of Maura's camisole. "Depends on what?"
"Mostly on whether you're going to be in bed with me."
Jane laughed. "Interesting."
Opening her eyes, Maura put a hand against Jane's sternum. "We need to take things slowly."
"I know, and I agree. But I think it's going to be a long next five or six months. Will you at least come visit me now?"
"Probably," Maura said, smiling as she kissed Jane's lips. "At least we can keep doing that. But now, we're going to sleep. Goodnight, Jane," she said with another kiss before turning over, linking her fingers with Jane's over her abdomen as Jane pulled their bodies tightly together.