Chapter Text
“You have five minutes remaining.”
Eren’s eyes darted up to the clock in the corner of the room, chewing absentmindedly on the end of his pen. Five minutes left of his last exam. He glanced over to where Jean was sitting hunched over his desk, furiously scribbling with the pen that Eren had given him. Eren fought back a small smile, not wanting to look strange in amongst all these people.
He’d already written as much as he could have, so he decided to flick back through the previous pages to check for any mistakes. The ticking of the clock seemed eerily loud, resonating in his ears and matching the rhythm of his steady heartbeat. It was now four minutes before six PM, and four minutes until his freedom. Short-lived of course, as he still needed to work out a plan for the summer since he had no actual home to go to.
Maybe he could go travelling?
Three minutes left.
No, he didn’t have enough money for that – or a passport for that matter.
How did Levi’s final essay go? He should have finished roughly two hours ago. Whether he’d be able to continue on his scholarship hung entirely on that grade. Whether Eren would be able to see him again next year depended on that three-hour timed essay. Eren swallowed hard and looked up at the clock again. Just two minutes until he could call Levi and ask how it went. Of course they wouldn’t know for sure until the official results came in the post, but you always had a vague idea. Eren found a spelling mistake and corrected it, propping his head up with his left hand. At least he was invited to Marco’s beach house for a week over the summer – that was definitely something to look forward to. He’d always wanted to see the ocean.
One minute remaining. Jean was still writing, probably in that miniscule scrawl he used when he was in a rush. Eren had picked up on so many of his friends’ little habits and quirks – but more importantly, recently he’d stopped using them specifically to make them like him. If he stopped by the store to get Armin those mint chocolates that he liked, he consciously told himself it was because he was his friend and he loved him – not to make Armin cherish him more. It was difficult, but it was progress. He would complete his last list before summer officially began.
But then, there was that last point he’d added in so hastily…
“Put down your pens, the exam is over.”
Eren placed his chewed up pen down on the table and heaved a deep breath. His first year of university was officially over. It had been a wild ride. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Jean glance at him. He looked over and gave him a small thumbs up under the desk, getting a slightly weaker thumbs up in return.
The exam proctors came around collecting each exam paper and after a few short explanations of marking systems and when to expect the results, row by row they were dismissed. As Eren’s row filed out of the exam hall, Jean was waiting for him just outside of the double doors leading to the grounds. Eren gave him an easy smile,
“So?”
Jean shook his head, scrunching up his face.
“Everything other than what I studied last night came up. I don’t think I failed, but I don’t know if I did particularly well.”
Eren frowned and clapped him on the shoulder.
“It happens man. At least this exam is only 40% of the grade, right?”
Jean nodded. They began walking outside, it was a pleasant evening. Not too cold, not too dark. Comfortable.
“Wanna go get tacos?” Suggested Eren, “That was our last exam.”
Jean’s face lit up. Clearly it hadn’t hit him yet that the exam hell was over. He laughed,
“Bro, I would love to!” He fished around in his pocked for his phone. “I have to jet off quickly though, me and Marco are packing our suitcases to go home tonight.”
Eren smiled; a totally natural smile – not forced or strained. Jean and Marco were his friends and their own people, not things for him to control.
“Yeah of course. When are you guys leaving anyway? We’re allowed to live on campus for another week, right?”
They climbed up the stairs towards the monorail and swiped their passes.
“Next Monday. We’re thinking of having another get together before summer officially begins. You in?”
The train pulled lazily into the station, the rickety doors opening for them. From the monorail tracks they could see over the whole city, the sun almost completely set over the horizon. Only a few reddish clouds dotted the sky. All was still.
“Yeah of course,” Replied Eren, “I’d love to.”
The train trundled along, comfortable silence punctuated by the creaks and slides of the aged wheels on tracks. Eren took this opportunity to rummage in his bag for his own phone, half dreading and half anticipating the message from Levi ready and waiting on his screen.
Only two words.
‘Thank you.’
The blood drained out of Eren’s face and his breath caught in his chest. Thank you? Thank you for everything, good bye forever?
Shaky fingers tapped out a fast response as green eyes glanced over to where Jean was nodding off, gently rocked by the swaying of the train.
‘How was the essay?’
Eren fought back the urge to use seven more question marks. The pre-recorded train announcement proclaiming that they were nearing the final stop woke Jean from his semi-slumber. His bleary eyes found Eren and grinned. Eren sent him a small one back and zipped up his bag with one hand. They both stood up as the train squeaked into the station, the doors opening sluggishly in front of them. Just as Eren’s feet touched the concrete of the platform his phone buzzed in his hand. Jerking his phone up to his face, he read the message. Then again. Then another time.
‘Was okay actually.’
All of the breath left Eren’s body at once and the warm sensation of relief crashed over him. He knew he was smiling like a dumbass but he couldn’t help it. It was okay! Levi was okay. They were okay. He was stood frozen on the platform giddy with happiness.
“Eren?”
Jean had unwittingly walked all the way to the ticket barriers without him.
“What’s up, are you okay?”
Eren finally tore his eyes away from his phone screen and gave Jean the most genuinely ecstatic smile possibly of the whole year.
“Yeah. Never better.” He jogged to catch up with him and they exited the station together.
“Finally hit you that the exams are over, huh?” Asked Jean with a smirk. Eren chuckled,
“Yeah, something like that.”
Jean laughed in response.
The sky was clear, the streets were welcoming, the tacos were good and Levi was safe.
It took a few days to clear out his room. Old pizza boxes had snuck to the far corners under his bed and Eren had pondered for hours on whether he should throw his notes from first semester away or not. What if he needed them for something? The irony of packing with nowhere to go beckoned a grim smile onto his face as he zipped up his suitcase. At least he could probably room with Levi next year. He just had to ask him.
And also…
Eren’s eyes found his last list, taped to the inside of his closet door – hidden from prying eyes. A few points had already been crossed off.
1) Finish my exams
2) Help Levi finish his
3) Be more comfortable around friends
4) Stop manipulating
5) Figure out where I can live over summer break
6) Decide who to room with next year
And then the last one, not even numbered, scrawled at the bottom as though it were an after-thought when really it might be the most important.
Eren flushed red and diverted his eyes away. He’d get around to it when the time was right.
He hadn’t even seen Levi in the last few days, with Eren being busy with parties with other first year students and Levi busy with his own friend group they’d barely had time for each other and it made Eren’s heart ache. How was he going to cope the whole summer vacation without him?
Eren shook his head to rid him of these invasive thoughts, got up from where he was kneeling on the floor and strode over to his bed. In two days time, these dorms would be empty.
Tonight was the last get together with his friends, tomorrow he was going to see Armin, who was leaving a day earlier, off at the station and then the next day he’d say goodbye to everyone else. So far his plan was to travel to Stohess and go from there. No one he knew was from Stohess; it would kill him for people to find out he had no home and no family. He still had some savings left, and he was determined to make something work. This last year had made him a lot stronger.
Eren ran a hand through his hair and looked over to the pile of clothes laid out on his desk. Time to get changed and head over to Jean’s house.
--
Jean had The Weeknd’s newest album on repeat. Eren liked the laid back vibe - it was good if you ignored some of the lyrics. It was the first time in a while that the whole gang was together, Ymir and Christa snuggled on the sofa in the corner, Sasha and Connie chilling on the floor eating chips – even Annie, Bertholt and Reiner were stood in the kitchen having an animated conversation with Jean and Marco over the punch bowl. Eren, Armin and Mikasa were sat on the biggest couch in the living room, completely ignoring the Ru Paul’s Drag Race marathon on Netflix and chatting amicably between themselves. It was comfortable and relaxing. Possibly the most comfortable Eren had been without Levi.
“And then Sasha farted so loudly the whole exam hall turned around to look at her.”
Eren and Armin burst out laughing, Ymir hiding her sniggers into Christa’s shoulder. Mikasa continued her story,
“Annie told me everything. Apparently it smelled really meaty too.”
Eren wiped his eyes,
“How do you have a meaty fart?”
Mikasa shrugged and Armin kept laughing. Sasha frowned up at all of them,
“It was not meaty. And it wasn’t even that loud!”
Connie patted her shoulder lovingly, shovelling chips into his mouth.
“Your farts aren’t the nicest though babe, I’ve got to admit.”
Sasha fell back against the plush rug.
“You’re all dicks.”
Ymir piped up,
“Well I for one have never seen a dick in my life so…”
They all laughed again. Eren took a deep breath and leaned further into Mikasa’s shoulder. He was content. He was loved. He was loving. He might be able to cross the manipulating off of his list once and for all. He checked his phone just in case there was a text from Levi.
There was.
Eren smiled warmly down at his phone as he read it.
‘Gonna catch an early night. Hope youre having a good time with your friends. Miss you.’
Eren’s heart skipped a beat, butterflies fluttering in his stomach as he read the last two words. His fingers deftly flew over the keys as he wrote a ‘Good night, miss you too’ back to him.
When he looked up, Mikasa’s eyes were on him.
“Is that your boyfriend.”
And suddenly everyone’s eyes were on him. Eren took a shaky breath before answering truthfully.
“I’m not sure at this point. I hope I can introduce him to you soon though.”
Mikasa gave him a small, understanding smile and Armin squeezed his shoulder supportively. Ymir’s voice came loud and clear across the room,
“You’d better! You wouldn’t hide your lover boy from us would you?”
Eren laughed, his heart lighter than it had been in years.
“Of course not.” He looked around at all of them, his eyes lingering on the entrance to the kitchen where Jean, Marco, Bertholt, Annie and Reiner were still standing, oblivious to their conversation. “You guys are my best friends.”
And they were.
The next morning came and with it, Armin’s train. Eren and Mikasa helped him carry his suitcases to the station – they were absolutely full to the brim with books.
“Let’s have a group skype when we all settle in back home.” Mikasa suggested. The two boys nodded cheerfully.
“It won’t be long until we all get together at the beach anyway, right?” Armin piped up before glancing at Eren. “Aren’t our houses close anyway? You came shopping in my old workplace before, remember?”
Eren tried for a laugh but it came out more as an exhalation of air through his nose.
“That’s not my home anymore, but I’ll definitely see you guys at the beach.”
Armin nodded and enveloped them both in a tight hug.
“Meeting you guys has been the best part of university so far. I can’t wait to spend another year with you.”
Mikasa wrapped her arms around him and rested her chin on his head.
“Me too, Armin. We’ll see you soon.”
“Yeah,” Began Eren, leaning fully into the hug, “Real soon. Drop us a message when you arrive home so we know you got there safely. Give our love to your grandfather too!”
Another dazzling smile from Armin, a few more drawn out goodbyes and Eren and Mikasa were watching his small frame disappear into the station. They waited until the train had departed before they began walking back towards the university village arm in arm.
It was looking to be a clear afternoon, the air nice and crisp and the sun bright in the sky. Eren and Mikasa walked, talking about his exams, her dissertation, her upcoming kickboxing tournament, the beach house. It was comfortable. As they arrived to the entrance to the dorms, Mikasa let go of his arm and gave him a quick hug.
“I’m going to help Annie finish packing. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”
Eren nodded.
“Yeah.”
As he stepped into his dorm building and started up the stairs he thought to himself. It might be a little early to know it for certain, but he felt sure. He was going to cross out another number from his list.
He entered his room, noting how empty it looked. So much had happened in this room, so many memories. After toeing off his shoes at the door, he daintily stepped across the room towards his closet. Grabbing a pen off of the desk he drew a fine line through the paper on the inside of the door.
1) Finish my exams
2) Help Levi finish his
3) Be more comfortable around friends
4) Stop manipulating
5) Figure out where I can live over summer break
6) Decide who to room with next year
It was almost complete. His last ever list. Levi would be so proud.
At the thought of Levi, his eyes darted to the last, un-numbered line at the bottom. He frowned to himself and closed the door. Today was going to be another day of making plans and budgets for his summer – applying for jobs in Stohess. He sat at his desk and sighed; Levi and the last point on his list still heavily in his mind.
--
The buzzing of his phone woke him up. When had he even fallen asleep? Fuzzy headed and sleepy eyed, he lifted his head, his neck protesting at the movement. It was a call. Stifling a yawn, Eren tapped the answer button.
“Levi,” He greeted warmly.
“Hey, Brat.” Came the familiar voice. Delight filled Eren’s chest at the usual nickname.
“Hey.” He replied breathily.
“I’m seeing Erwin and Hanji off tomorrow afternoon, but I’m not leaving until evening. Where will you be?”
Eren hummed,
“Pretty much the same. My friends are leaving about 1-ish. I still have some things to clear up.”
“Okay, that’s cool. See you tomorrow then.”
Eren smiled a bittersweet smile into the phone. How long would it be until they could see each other again?
“Yeah. Tomorrow.” He couldn’t hide the worry from the tone of his voice. But then he’d never been good at hiding things from Levi.
“I miss you, Eren.”
And there it was. With one short phrase, Levi had his face turning an unhealthy shade of crimson.
“I miss you too…” Eren trailed off, letting his face sink into the crook of one of his arms. Levi chuckled once, and the line went dead.
Eren groaned into his arms.
The sun was setting. Tomorrow was the last day.
Because Eren had slipped off into an impromptu nap last night, it had taken him forever to actually get to sleep and therefore he’d slept in – the ringing of his phone alarm shrill and obnoxious to his ears, bouncing off the inside of his skull. His eyes were bloodshot and his feet were heavy as he trudged to the shower rooms.
But he was going to see Levi today.
The water woke him up a little bit, and the leftover curry he’d hidden at the back of the kitchen fridge woke him up a little bit more. He washed the plastic tub in the sink and brought it back to his room to pack into his suitcase.
Changing into his t-shirt and ripped black skinny jeans for the day, he slipped on his sneakers and opened the door.
Eren hesitated.
He strode across the room to his closet, opened it and tore the list off the door. Folding it carefully, he pocketed it and left the room. For the second last time ever.
--
The train station was bustling. Goodbyes, See You Soons, I’ll Miss Yous punctuating the air. Eren was hugging and being hugged by so many different people. People he barely even remembered the names of that were in his classes or study groups – people he remembered from parties. He caught sight of the tree that was Erwin Smith and just as he’d thought, Levi was close behind him being talked at by Hanji. They made eye-contact and Eren’s chest clenched.
He waved weakly and Levi nodded in response.
Eren turned back to Mikasa, Jean and Marco – double checking the address and dates for the beach house trip. After a fist bump from Jean and a warm hug from Marco, they were gone, hand in hand, through the ticket gates.
Eren was just about to ask Mikasa what time her train was before he felt a tap on his shoulder.
He turned around and a grin took over his face immediately.
“Hi Levi.” He’d barely gotten the greeting out from his mouth before Levi spoke again.
“I wanted to ask you something.” Eren could tell Levi was nervous for some reason, which instantly made him nervous himself. He could feel Mikasa tensing up next to him – she’d obviously sensed his own discomfort.
“Yeah?”
Levi’s steely eyes bore into him.
“Would you maybe want to stay with me this summer?”
Eren gasped. Mikasa gasped.
“Eren, who’s this?” She asked, voice icy. “Is this your-“
“Boyfriend.” Levi cut her off firmly, making Eren gasp yet again, his face growing hot. A giddy happiness bubbled up in his stomach.
Boyfriend.
Mikasa took one look at Eren’s face, and seeing that it was rapidly growing to resemble a tomato she smiled softly.
“I’m going to go buy a sandwich from the kiosk. Come and find me when you’re done okay, we have some things to discuss.”
Eren nodded gratefully. He turned to Levi.
“Boy…?”
Levi smirked but Eren could tell he was masking his nerves.
“You don’t like it?” Levi asked tentatively.
Eren shook his head furiously.
“No! I love it! I’m…” He didn’t realise he’d lowered his gaze until he found he had to bring it up to meet Levi’s eyes again. “I’m really happy.”
His shaky hands reached into his pocket.
“In fact, have you got a pen?”
Levi looked at him quizzically as Eren opened up the folded sheet of paper. Eren turned to the wall next to him and leant the paper up against it – using it as a writing surface. Levi handed him a pen and Eren immediately drew a wobbly line through the ‘Find somewhere to live over summer’ point.
That was when he heard Levi’s breath catch in his throat.
He’d seen it.
Eren’s heart was beating a million miles per minute.
“Eren...” Began Levi. “The next one.”
He couldn’t bring himself to meet Levi’s stare. Levi spoke again, voice controlled and resolute.
“Eren. Would you consider living with me next year?”
Eren’s eyes stung with the beginnings of tears, threatening to spill. With a shaky voice and even shakier hand he begun to cross out the next point on his list as he responded.
“I would love to, Levi. Thank you so much.”
The heat was radiating off their bodies. The happiness was clawing at his heart.
But there was one last point at the bottom and Levi knew it.
“What about this last one? Right at the bottom. In god-awful handwriting.”
Eren turned to face Levi; all fake confidence and trembling fingers, and trembling shoulders and trembling lips he spoke,
“I was hoping you could help me cross that one out.”
It was a whisper at best, his voice fluttering in his throat.
The tears were almost brimming over his bottom eyelashes, blurring his vision as he saw Levi move closer and clasp his own shaking palm over Eren’s.
The most gentle, heart-warming smile graced Levi’s lips.
“Of course.”
His tender response and even more tender fingers guided Eren’s hand to move, and together they crossed out the last point on Eren’s last ever list.
Tell Levi that I’m in love with him.
Through the blinds in the window of the shop, Mikasa watched them.
Eren was going to be okay.