Chapter Text
It’s white.
It’s blank and white and there’s nothing here in any direction.
It’s not particularly cold or hot. It’s not uncomfortable, but it’s not comfortable either. She has to look down at her hands to make sure that they’re still there, that she actually still exists. It turns out she does still exist, and she still occasionally coughs up petals, but they’re nowhere as bad as before.
She loses focus on the concept of time easily. There are no clocks, and her phone was dead, and she found herself just lying down most of the time, staring at white.
She wonders how much longer.
She starts to play with the spare petals, placing them into pictures. Maybe they were memories, it was hard to keep track of anymore. She gets to work, setting down petal after petal, stepping around them carefully so that she doesn’t ruin it, and she continued to lay them down one by one. Fatigue and sleep never seem to come around, and neither does hunger or frustration. Just a dull throbbing in the back of her mind telling her to finish.
Maybe it’s longing, maybe’s its loneliness, she’s not able to tell anymore.
The images of people stare back from the petals. A girl with long hair cut short around her face and long at the back, and a bright smile on her face. A boy with sleek hair framing his face, and confidence in his eyes. A boy with tall spiky hair, a swirl in the middle of it that was almost funny to look at, and determination burning bright. A girl with short hair, flaring out slightly near the neck and a butterfly pin in her hair, that made her heart hurt just looking at it.
They all held onto a rectangular piece of paper. A card? She almost recalls it. What was its name again?
It was supposed to be familiar. Something she knew well. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew the name…
Vanguard?
“Yo!”
She startles, accidentally knocking a few petals out of place. Behind her stands a short boy with pink hair lighter than her own, and a bright blue jacket with matching shorts, boots, and a top hat tucked so low it covered one eye with its golden mask symbol. He has on a pink cape, and held onto a black wand with a little purple demon at the end. A white pigeon lands on his shoulder, preening itself before looking down at her.
“H-Hello…” She says, staring at the boy.
“It took you long enough! The final battle’s even started! I was thinking you’d never remember!” The boy whined and waved his wand around in a way that she couldn’t even take the complaints seriously.
“Um… w-who? What?” She stands all the way up, almost half a head taller than him. “W-Why are you here?”
The boy smiles. “I’m Masked Magician, Harri! It’s nice to finally meet you face to face, Yumizuki Luna!”
Luna blinks. She’s Yumizuki Luna. She’s a Vanguard fighter. She’s a member of Rummy Labyrinth.
And then everything rushes back. All the events of the last two months come back to her, and she remembers the auditions, the rehearsals, the G-Quests, all the people she met and all the trouble she had gone through to get to here right now. And Luna looks down at the red petals and now remembers why they exist.
Harri gives a mischievous smile, but seeing it calmed her down strangely. “About time.”
He settles onto the ground cross-legged, and Luna sits down next to him. “So, why are you here?” Luna asks.
“Yumizuki Luna’s will is fighting for the Stride Gate, so that you can die and Am can have her parents back. But I am your avatar, we're synced after all, and I think we need to have a chat.” Harri says. “The final battle has started. The chosen five are now fighting against the arbiters to decide the future of both Earth and Cray. Your will is fighting against Am right now.”
It’s hard to imagine. The Stride Gate is beginning and so close, her subconscious will is fighting for the future. But she doesn’t understand. “Why is Am fighting against the Stride Gate?”
“Chouno Am no longer wishes for the Stride Gate.”
“What?!” Luna accidentally scatters some petals when she moves her arm out in shock. “Why? But she was going to get her parents back! It’s all Am ever wanted!” She pulls up her legs into her chest. “I don’t understand. Am… really misses her parents.”
Harri looks upwards, leaning back on his hands stretched out behind him. His pigeon hopes over and rests on his stomach, and he kicks his legs idly like a child. “You’re going to die. In less than an hour, if the arbiters win and Am and the others lose, the Stride Gate will be completed and you will be absorbed into it.” The pigeon hopes over onto Luna’s knees, staring up at her. “Are you fine with it ending like this?” Harri asks.
Luna nods.
“Are you really happy?” Harri demands. “Why are you doing this?”
“To make Am happy! If Am’s happy then I’m happy!”
“Are you really happy?!” Harri demands. “Is disappearing going to make you happy?! Is it going to make Chouno Am happy?!" He slaps the ground and leans right into her face. "Did you ever ask once what would make Chouno Am happy?!”
She had spent most of her time following after Am, and then avoiding her. “I…” She never asked about anything personal concerning Am. She always avoided the subject. They had both always danced around the subject, letting it hang awkwardly in the air but never reaching out to it to confirm anything.
“If you love Am that much then listen to her!” Harri yells, jumping to his feet and raising his wand into the air in anger almost comically. Luna doesn’t laugh and neither does Harri. He just glares back at her.
“Why do you think Enishi Satoru kept telling you all that stuff about Am? Or why Tokoha would keep texting you? Why do you think Am offered you cream puffs?” Harri says. “None of them want you to die. Nobody wants you to die!”
“But I have to do this! I have to!”
‘That’s enough, Luna!’
It’s Am’s voice.
‘I’ve decided to wait! I’ll wait for my parents to come home! Just waiting for them to come home when there’s a chance that they won’t may be too painful for me to handle. But even so, I… I’ve decided to live on and not give up!’
Harri eyes her, aiming his wand at Luna’s throat. “I’m your avatar. We’re linked. I’m not about to let you go without at least listening once to what everyone else thinks about you.”
‘That’s the kind of future I want. I have no use for fake happiness in a future just handed to me.’
“The Stride Gate sacrifices all life on Cray for a dream that envelops all people on Earth. That is not what Chouno Am wishes for anymore.” Harri taps the end of his wand on the ground twice, and bubbles start forming out of the top, surrounding the white space with multi-coloured bubbles floating all around them. “Salvation isn’t as simple as just sitting down and dreaming of better things to come. Life is hard, it’s tough, and sometimes it’s frustrating to the point of tears. But you can’t give up and hope things might be better without you there.”
‘I want to go on stage with Luna again! I want to sing together, and dance together! But that’s not all! There are so many other things I want to do! I want to see movies together, go out and eat together, have fun together, and laugh together! When I’m feeling miserable or lonely or helpless… Luna! I want you to be with me!’
Luna looks around at all the bubbles, reflecting her own face back at her. A girl with average looks, dull yellow eyes, pink hair with that strange lock that always sat flat in the middle of her forehead and curled up at the ends weirdly. A girl who cried ugly tears, got easily embarrassed and confused, who tried to maintained a stage smile and failed, who continually let others down. She had three friends at best, she could barely talk to adults without mentally preparing for half an hour, she had two left feet for dancing, and she was too overly emotional about everything. But Am wanted to be with someone like her, even still. Am, who had spent years of her life devoted solely to seeing her parents happy and well again someday.
“She’s fine now. Chouno Am is finally looking at the present, instead of the past or future. It’s time you do the same.” Harri says.
He waves his wand, and all the bubbles pop, and suddenly there’s a trail of glowing, rainbow coloured butterflies soaring and spiralling around them, and then into the endless vast of white above. They hover and soar together, and it’s beautiful. Harri stands, holding out his hand to her.
“What do you want to do?” He asks.
Luna’s hands clench on the edge of her skirt. “I want to go on stage with Am again. I want to attend rehearsals, learn scripts, go onto tv talk shows and game shows and dramas and record skits. I want to give everyone smiles as Rummy Labyrinth, and receive back from so many wonderful people out there!”
“Louder.”
She stands up with her hands still clenched. “I want to go on dates with Am! I want to play more games with her, and visit the mall again, and then the aquarium or the café or a restaurant! I want to watch fireworks with her in the summer, and create snow angels together in the winter! I want to laugh about stupid jokes together, and cry about sad movies together! I want to spend nights together in our apartment just being happy and letting nothing hurt us for once!”
“Louder!”
She places a hand on her chest and shouts. “I want to live on with Am, to see each tomorrow together with her, supporting each other the entire time! I want to hold onto her hand and never let go!”
“Louder!!” Harri gestures wildly, and the white space around them is suddenly filled with colour as it turns into the Pale Moon Circus Tent, with the spotlight on them onstage. “You have to shout it loud enough for everyone in your audience to hear! Until the entire world can hear! Now once more from the top!” He points his wand at Luna and grins. “Who are you?!”
“I’m a member of Rummy Labyrinth, Yumizuki Luna!”
“And what do you want?!”
“I want to stay with Am!!”
The stage bursts apart like glass shards around Luna, as if the entire space was shattering apart. And all the sudden it feels like Luna’s falling into that endless space of white as shards of colour and dreams rise upwards and out of her reach, and brilliant colours and memories begin to fly towards the sky like butterflies. Harri floats above her, the wind buffering his hat and cloak, as if he too was going to be swept away, and Luna reaches out in a panic, but Harri grins in a way almost similar to Am before Luna falls and everything fades to white.
Luna opens her eyes.
She’s suspended in the air, a pit in her stomach from the feeling of almost falling but hovering somehow. She can see the bridge by the river from here, and she’s floating so much higher than her apartment building that the people on the roof are specks. The people are asleep, she realizes as she squints. Everyone on the streets and roads are asleep. She’s dressed in Harri’s magician uniform, holding onto Harri’s wand while surrounded by her vanguard units, and a large pillar of light glows behind her.
And Am is there.
Am is standing on the top of a building across from her, in Nightrose’s outfit and wielding a glowing sword. Am is there, staring at her in surprise and worry and wonder and seeing Am again just makes Luna realize how much she misses Am.
Luna can feel flowers in her throat, and she can’t breathe or talk, and she starts clawing at her throat to get any sort of air into her lungs. She needs to do something, to reach Am, she doesn’t want to let go this time, and she doesn’t want to let things slip out of her reach anymore.
“Am..!” Luna chokes out, trying to reach outwards.
“Luna!!!”
Am leaps forwards with her sword, clashing with Carnivorous Megatrick Prana above her, but is pushed back by vines surging forwards from Prana’s wand. “I’m coming, Luna!” Am yells.
Am isn’t weak. But Am had said herself that sometimes, all the sadness and frustration in the world was just too much to bear by yourself. And Luna wants to be there for her as well.
And Luna feels an ephemeral head rest on her shoulder and her chest getting lighter.
“Move forwards and find happiness, my avatar.”
The feeling disappears and Luna nods. People get stronger by clashing with others, understanding others, and moving forwards together. And Luna isn’t weak anymore either.
Luna opens her arms outwards, at Am flying above her, and screams with every fibre of her being, so that the entire city can hear.
“AM!!!!!”
Prana looks down at her shout, and Am takes the opportunity to land a hit right down the middle. The Stride unit chokes, clutching her side at the slash, and Luna can see it slowly dissolving apart. Her form grows faint, while both Harri and Nightrose’s costumes disappear from them, and Luna and Am stare as Prana smiles and gestures at Am to pass.
It’s over.
“Luna!” And Am dives through the air towards her, hand reaching out, and Luna refuses to let go of that again. “Luna!!”
Luna catches Am in her arms, and Am’s arms wrap around her back, pressing her head into Am’s shoulder as she starts sobbing. Luna’s own hands thread through Am’s hair as she hugs Am closer, and she can feel tears welling up in her throat as well.
Am is here. It’s over.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry I didn’t notice your feelings earlier! I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier! I’m sorry I was so terrible! I’m sorry, Luna!” Am sobs, clutching the back of Luna’s shirt.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t say anything! I’m sorry for making you worry!” Luna chokes out in return. “I’m sorry for not listening to you! Am…”
And as Carnivorous Megatrick Prana produces red carnations from her wand above them, Luna can feel the flowers in her throat slowly disappearing. She can feel Am’s tears on her shoulder, Am’s hands through her hair and on her back, Am’s chest against hers and Am’s head right next to hers, and Luna lets realization run through her veins that love existed everywhere, and that she just needed to remember to look.
“Thank you, Am. I love you!”
For the first time in months, Luna feels like she can breathe.
Am takes a deep, shuddering breath into her shoulder, then pulls back and looks at Luna with such contentment and elation that she feels lightheaded, in a way that the love in her eyes was unmistakable. Am’s arms are still wrapped around her waist, and she clings to Am’s shoulders in confirmation that they’re still together.
“Come on, let’s go home.” Am smiles.
Luna leans into Am’s warmth and lets herself close her eyes, and she knows that Am will still be there when she opens them once again. She lets her and Am blend together in the morning light, until all they can feel is each other, and Luna allows herself to breathe.
It’s finally over.
The hospital is quiet and white, but also bustling with life at the same time. Through the glass window, Luna can see two people being held on life support, lying in beds, with the only indication that they still had life in them the occasional spike on the monitor by the bed. Am stares, but that constant edge of frustration in her eyes was gone, and acceptance was left in its place. And Luna hadn’t coughed up a single petal ever since she had landed back in the city with Am by her side.
They were both alive.
It had been a hectic week of explanations and apologies. Kumi had hugged both of them while crying. Tokoha had scolded her, and then Am, and then joined in on the teary hug. Even Chrono had wiped away a few tears, which Tokoha had later teased him about before pulling both him and Shion into the hug.
Enishi had come later, when Luna had spotted him packing his things from his usual office. He had apologized to both of them, and Luna had tried to apologize back, but he refused, and wished both her and Am luck on future work. She was going to miss Enishi.
Am’s hand rests on the glass window, and Luna imagines that she’s trying to reach her parent’s hands through all the barriers. The bouquet of flowers that she had brought feels heavy in her hands. Now she remembers what the white reminded her of: loneliness. Am standing over the beds of parents who might never wake up. Luna sitting alone in a field of white, waiting for death.
“Kiba Shion has agreed to pay for the rest of my parent’s hospital funds.” Am starts. “The Kiba Corporation will be providing them with the latest medical equipment.”
“Really? That’s great news.”
Am nods, but her expression doesn’t change. “The rest of my life may not be long enough to make amends for what I’ve done.” She says. “But I won’t give in or give up. I’ll live my life achieving one thing at a time, doing what I can.”
And since Luna isn’t half-blinded by Am’s confidence anymore, she can see Am’s hand on the glass window shaking. And since Luna isn’t putting Am on a pedestal high above anymore, she reaches out and clasps onto Am’s hand. “I’ll bear the burden with you.” Luna says. “I made a mistake, the same as you. I shouldn’t have just stood close to you, guessing but never actually talking. Both of us should have looked for a path to move forward.”
Am looks over at her, an almost wistful look on her face. “Why did you agree to the Stride Gate?” She says quietly.
All Luna can remember is desperation and the longing for some sort of meaning within all her suffering. “I think it was because I couldn’t figure out any other way to help you. Remember, I kept messing up at rehearsals, I had to make it up to you somehow.” Luna jokes, but her voice cracks when she says it.
“You were in love with me…” Am says quietly, “to the point where you were willing to die for the Stride Gate. I heard from Tokoha. Why were you so determined to die?”
Am’s hand twists, and her fingers entangle with Luna’s, and Luna feels a familiar lump for in her throat.
“I’ve had nothing for the last thirteen years of my life. My parents barely paid attention to me, none of my classmates realized I existed, I wasn’t good at studying or sports or talking with people. I just existed as an afterthought in other people’s minds.” She says quietly, never breaking eye contact. “But after meeting you, and becoming an idol in Rummy Labyrinth, all the sudden I had so much. I had friends, fans, people that care about me, and a way of connecting with people. It was honestly too good to be true, and then all this happened, and it just clicked in my mind that ‘Oh, of course. This is the catch.’ And I was happy to go along with it if it meant you, the one who had given me so much, could be happy in the end. I figured that it was time to give back for being given so much, and my life was a small price to pay in exchange for everyone else’s happiness. It felt like the world was being pushed back into its natural order, where apples fall when you drop them and Yumizuki Luna isn’t happy for such a long period of time.”
“Oh Luna,” Am starts, and Luna wonders if Am is going to start crying. “Luna, you’re such a good person. You’re so caring, so hard working, so kind and patient in ways that I’m not. I was too single-minded.” Am whispers. “I was too dazzled by the idea of the perfect future, to accept reality for what it was. I should have paid more attention to the people around me. I should have paid more attention to you. I love you so much, Luna.”
Luna feels like light is flooding the hallway, like nothing else could exist in this moment other than the two of them here, and grips Am’s hand harder in desperate hopes that this is real. Am reaches up with her other hand to clasp Luna’s with both of hers.
“It always felt like I was going to be crushed by how much I missed my parents, by how little I could ever accomplish. But I’ve never been happier these last two months, just working by your side. You gave me back a regular life that I thought I could never have. You gave me time and patience and understanding, when I thought that no one ever would bother to. You gave me hope that things could be better, because I wasn’t alone anymore.” Am leans in until her forehead is resting against Luna’s, her eyes closed and lips close. “So Luna, please don’t try and die by yourself when we all love you so much.”
Luna presses their hands close to her own chest. She can still hear voices crying out inside her head about how this is fake, this would all end, how she didn’t deserve this. But Am’s hands are real and warm, and Am’s tears are no lie. “Let’s move forwards together from now on, Am.”
Am takes a shuddering breath, fingers tightening around Luna’s, but she smiles and pecks Luna on the cheek before pulling back and leaning against the glass window. “Do you want to go in and say something? I have a few calls to make.”
Luna looks on in confusion, but Am’s already busy on her phone, so she moves to the door. She holds onto the handle, but looks back at Am for confirmation. She nods back, then begins talking to someone on her phone. So Luna walks into the hospital room.
It’s quiet and solemn in the room. “Hello,” Luna says quietly to the two people lying motionless on the hospital beds. “My name is Yumizuki Luna. I’ve wanted to meet you two for a long time.”
The heart monitor on Am’s parents beep aimlessly in the background, breaking the silence. She can hear the faint murmur of Am from outside the room still, and it comforts her.
"Your daughter is wonderful." Luna says. "She's smart, a hard worker, and the bravest and most caring person I know. I've gotten to know her for the past few months, and I've loved every moment of it. Am is such an amazing person. I'm so grateful to the both of you, for giving me the opportunity to meet someone like her."
She stands motionless across from both beds, staring at the faces of the two unmoving adults, and despite the heavy atmosphere, it feels like a weight in her stomach is being lifted. “I love Chouno Am.” She continues. “It’s been a complicated journey, but now I can finally say it confidently without shame. I love many people in my life, and they love me as well. Am is like that as well. It’s thanks to your silent love that has kept her going this long. And from now on, I won’t let that be the only thing. I, and many others, will be there with her the entire time.”
Luna remembers Am clinging to her hand that one morning, still asleep but crying for her parents to return, to not leave. Now that she’s standing before them, Luna can come to terms with how she isn’t able to do anything about Am’s parents. But she is able to decide what she’s going to do from now on.
“Meeting her was the best thing to ever happen to me. I want to stay together with Am, for as long as this world will allow both of us to, and I will fight until the very end as long as it means I can come back to her. And I’m sure you’re the same.”
There’s a knock at the door. “Luna, we have to go to a meeting.” Am calls out.
“Alright!”
Luna looks back at the bed, and imagines that they’re both smiling. She imagines they have Am’s smile. All of them, smiling together as a family. And Luna imagines that she’s beside them, smiling all the same. “I look forwards to meeting both of you properly someday as well.”
She leaves a bouquet of red carnations by the bed stand, bows, and walks out of the hospital, holding hands with Am the entire way.