Chapter Text
Sasuke’s beginning to think he might’ve been right about this being the worst day of his life.
Okay, no, that’s still an overstatement. No one he knows or cares about has died today – there’s very few among those ranks anyway, and while he doesn’t know exactly where Taka is at this exact moment, he’s sure they’re fine. Additionally, he hasn’t undergone any severe psychological torture, so realistically, pretty solid day. He thinks for a moment that being wrenched around from thinking Sakura and Naruto had hooked up to well… this, is its own form of psychological torture, but then decides that joke is a bit too much even for him; even inside his head where no one can contradict him. (Maybe that makes it worse, actually.)
He spreads out the blankets and can’t stand how worried he is about this place looking fucking tidy. Naruto’s not gonna care, Naruto lives in a pigsty, Naruto’s here all the time anyway he knows what it looks like. Still, he re-organizes and settles things meticulously, fluffing the pillows with precision. He can’t leave his dirty dishes next to where Naruto’s head will be, what is he, an animal, his mother would be horrified were she alive, he’s –
Stalling. Stalling is the thing that’s he’s doing.
There’s no reason to stall. It’s not that big of a deal. It’ll be nice, anyway – he sleeps better with another body he trusts in the area. It’s fucking childish, it’s pathetic, he knows it, but he’s made his peace with that being a fact of who he is these days. It’s not even a problem for him anywhere else; he never had this problem before coming back to Konoha. But something about waking up in an empty Uchiha building makes him retch and shake and lose where he is, and that’s more humiliating to him than simply ensuring another body is nearby. He’ll wipe out that crutch eventually, there’s no shame in making use of it while he can. (It’s called coping, and living day-to-day, and blah blah blah whatever Kakashi always says to him when he’s trying not to listen.)
But, because of this fact, he had resigned himself to not sleeping tonight once he saw no sign of Taka’s return. It wouldn’t have been the end of the world, he’s no stranger to sleepless nights, but still; sleep is always better than none. He’s grateful to have Naruto’s presence.
He just wishes it would include a few more feet between them.
Technically, he could just, take the floor himself. That’s an option. Even if he doesn’t necessarily prefer it in the same way that the rest of Taka does, he can sleep that way just fine. But, he already agreed to this and well. He guesses he should be relieved. Now that Naruto knows he’s gay, he’d half-expected Naruto to avoid him like the plague for a couple weeks. Accepting a lesbian is one thing when you’re a guy – it cuts her out of your dating pool, but it doesn’t directly threaten you. And hey, Sakura not returning his feelings had never been a problem for Naruto before anyway so, it was fine.
A gay guy is another thing entirely.
Naruto’s a decent guy, he would’ve come around eventually. When they were younger, and Sasuke was more raw and jumpy and desperate for approval, he had feared that wouldn’t be the case. But after everything they’ve been through, that’s clearly far from the most unacceptable trait of Sasuke’s; he’s sure Naruto can handle it. Even so, Sasuke definitely thought he’d likely give him a wide berth for a time, at the very least. No more of the lingering touches, extended eye contact. Naruto’d probably wear clothes around him more. All of that might’ve been good things, realistically - for the sake of Sasuke’s sanity, anyway.
It definitely would’ve fucking stung, though. So the fact that he isn’t, to the point of being willing to share a goddamn bed with him directly after finding out, well – Sasuke’s grateful, he is.
He’s also terrified.
With the way Naruto had been looking at him – through the dinner, then through snacking in the living room – expectant and curious and something so completely vulnerable about him; it’s obvious Naruto’s having some questions about this whole thing – he even asked a few of them - and namely some questions about himself. And he can’t begrudge him for that. Hell, part of him’s fucking hoping he is. And that therein lays the problem: Sasuke doesn’t like to have hope. It’s dangerous and it’s awful and honestly, this is a stupid enough issue to be having he wishes he could believe it’s beneath him. But that would require him to care less than he does. And when has Sasuke Uchiha ever been able to really, truly not care?
“Hey, hey, Sasuke,” Naruto says, poking his head into the room and scaring the shit out of him. He jumps, nearly dropping the dishes he had gathered up. “I didn’t know what toothpaste to use, so I picked the one that was used the most because I don’t think the others seem like the types to really brush their teeth? So I hope that was yours.”
Trying to regain his composure, Sasuke answers, “That was Suigetsu’s. Have you not seen his teeth?”
“Oh, shit, you’re right,” Naruto says. He seems to think for a moment before saying, “Hey, what was kissing him like? Did you like, cut your tongue, or…”
This is going to be a very long night.
When Sasuke was twelve years old, he shared a bed with Naruto.
It wasn’t a big deal, just the kind of bunking up that happens on missions. He told himself that, but he also knew there was a reason that it was him and Naruto together and not Naruto and Sakura. And he couldn’t help but feel a rising, tight guilt about the fact that he was this way and they didn’t know and he thought he’d made peace with it or, moved on, or, something. But it turned out it wasn't not that easy. But he’d done this before and he could do it again. It wasn’t a big deal, it wasn’t a big deal.
This time, they were traveling back from the Land of Waves, a mission that had almost been the death of all of them.
Well, mostly him.
The last part of the mission was completely lost to him; he’d gone down protecting Naruto, blacked out, and became utterly useless.
He’d thought he was going to die.
And maybe that’s why this was harder than the times when they’d slept beside each other traveling before, on the way to this mission. Because he’d been ready to die, and that terrified him. Because he’d been ready to give over the one thing that gave his life meaning to this idiot.
Naruto snored beside him while Sasuke laid awake, eyes on his face, cicadas loud in his ears.
He tried not to remember what it’d been like to kiss him.
(The kiss had tasted like miso.)
Naruto is a tightly-wound bundle of nerves.
Well, if there’s one thing Naruto always is anyway, it’s a tightly-wound bundle of something, but it’s usually energy or determination or chakra or whatever. Right now he’s tied up with anxiety, and he thinks if it goes on much longer then his muscles are going to vibrate right out of his skin.
Which is stupid, because this isn’t a big deal. It's not.
He doesn’t even know why he suggested bunking up with Sasuke. Or well, he does. Because they’ve done it before, it’s not weird, and Sasuke needs someone to be here tonight or he’s not gonna fucking sleep, and dammit, Naruto’s not going home knowing that. So he’s doing this.
But he’s been… thinking, and stressing, and maybe this was a bit impulsive on his part with that in mind. But hey, when is Naruto not impulsive? Why change that part of himself now? Oh my god this was a mistake.
His teeth are brushed and most of his clothes are discarded so he’s just down to essentials, and he’s ready to fucking buckle down and sleep. Sasuke’s already tucking himself in, and he looks over at Naruto with an expectant yet silent ‘Well?’, as if Naruto will turn tail any minute now and chicken out. The challenging look on his face combined with his bare shoulders peeking over the covers is a lot to take in, and Naruto's suddenly desperate to prove himself. He tugs up the covers and settles right in, full-force, and maybe he’s a bit too enthusiastic about it because the covers are torn right off of Sasuke.
“What the hell,” Sasuke complains, startled. “It’s not a race, relax, dead-last.” He shuffles the covers then, getting them even over the both of them.
“Sorry, haha,” Naruto says, nervous energy practically dripping out of his mouth with each word, eyes lingering at the covers which now properly cover Sasuke's shoulders and neck. “You know me, always throwing shit around.”
“Throwing things with poor aim is basically your number one skill.”
“Hey, I can have good aim!” Naruto says, turning on the mat to face Sasuke with annoyance.
“You failed every single shuriken test at the academy,” Sasuke says, tone even and eyes locked on Naruto’s. (There's a lot of things about Sasuke that are a lot to take in, it turns out, and being less than a foot away from him isn't helping.)
“Yet, somehow I still manage to land hits on you all the damn time,” Naruto retorts, maybe a little less aggressively than the teasing should entail.
“That’s because you’re always too focused on me,” Sasuke says, and then looks like he regrets it, jaw tensing and eyes shutting. He rolls over to face away from Naruto, says, “Go to sleep, idiot.”
And Naruto tries, he really does, but he can’t seem to make his body rest. He wasn’t lying earlier when he said he was tired – he was, and he knows if he was at home now, he’d be knocked the fuck out. But he’s not at home, he’s in what’s become Sasuke’s home, in Sasuke’s bed, lying next to him; Sasuke's body heat making him warm and aching. He can’t even bring himself to close his eyes, too focused on the back of Sasuke’s head, and the way it looks in the pale night light. His hair’s a mess, like it always is, fluffy and sticking every which way, made worse by the pillow forcing it all one direction. Looking at it so much, he wants to reach out and touch it. But he's sure Sasuke’s still awake, too, and he doesn’t want to have to explain himself.
He hasn’t had a chance to look at him like this, really - uninterrupted and lying so close to him - since the Valley, when they laid side-by-side for hours, slowly bleeding out, forced only by their own imminent destruction to just stop and be together. He remembers Sasuke cried. He remembers he’d wanted to, too.
He remembers that he couldn’t move from his side then (like, physically if he did he would’ve died), but god, he never wanted to ever again if he could help it. But then they came back to the Village, and Sasuke set his home up in the compound, away from Naruto, and that was good. It was, really, even if Naruto had fantasized for the better part of the last, however long, about maybe Sasuke moving in with him, being there when he woke up and when he went to sleep and some of the time in between, too. It was still good, though, like this - he was still in the village, he was still here. He’s still here.
It’s been some time, but he knows Sasuke’s still awake by the stiffness of his shoulders and uneven pace of his breath. So logically, he knows he shouldn’t do this, can’t even have the hope that Sasuke won’t know through his slumber, but he does. Impulse driving him, he reaches out and rests his hand on the side of Sasuke’s head, hair as soft as he’d imagined it.
And sure enough, Sasuke’s awake, but he doesn’t tell him to cut it out, or move away, or get up and leave. Instead, he turns his head toward the hand, eyes peering over at him over his shoulder.
“What is it?” Sasuke asks, and yeah, he wasn’t asleep, but he was getting close, by the sound of the softness in his voice and the droopiness of his eyes. (Naruto can't stop himself from thinking of how he wishes he could see this every night.)
“Are you sure,” Naruto begins, thumb rubbing over Sasuke’s hair just slightly, “that you don’t know how you knew?” He’s referencing the conversation from earlier, and he has no idea if Sasuke will know what the fuck he means, but he also has no idea how else to ask this. To say this. To think this.
“Naruto,” Sasuke says, all seriousness, all weight to it, breath ghosting past Naruto’s hand, “telling you the way I knew isn’t going to help you figure out if you know.”
It feels like Naruto’s heart jumped up from his chest and caught inside his skull. “Then how will I know?”
Sasuke rolls over then, and it’s not with delicacy like Naruto thinks the moment should have – it’s been all soft touches and quiet words, moonlight throughout the silent room, but now Sasuke’s just scuffling and readjusting the covers and Naruto’s hand got shoved away from his face somewhere in there. But it’s good, anyway, because Sasuke’s looking at him, and he’s looking back, and Sasuke says, “I think you already do.”
And maybe he does, because that’s the only way to explain this really, this yearning he’s always had, for Sasuke in particular but maybe always for more than that. And maybe that’s why this feels more heavy and yet lighter at the same time than he’s ever felt near Sakura, maybe this is what it’s supposed to feel like, maybe this is what he’s always really wanted. The 'maybe's are generous, really, because the more he thinks about it, the more certain he is, filling him with conviction and excitement.
“Or maybe you don’t,” Sasuke says, correcting himself, no longer meeting Naruto’s gaze and instead looking downward, somewhere. It’s as if all of Naruto’s anxiety has shifted over, filling Sasuke up and tensing every inch of him. “I don’t – I don’t want you to think I expect this of you, or –”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m gay,” Sasuke says.
“Uh, I know,” Naruto says, “that’s kind of what this conversation is about? Have you been listening?”
“I know,” Sasuke says, breathing frustration. “But I – it’s you. It’s always been you.”
Naruto’s chest tenses, and he’s glad his hand isn’t on Sasuke’s face right now because he’s not sure what he’d be doing with it now if it were.
“And I’m sure that’s, fucking obvious, really,” Sasuke says, sounding so angry and tired with himself and Naruto thinks that Sasuke sounds tired of himself too damn often. “There’s no one else that could – that’s not the point of this.”
Naruto, hanging on every word, says, “It can be the point of this.”
“No,” Sasuke says. “I don’t want you to feel like just because I’m in love with you, you have to be too.”
And then, there’s too much hitting Naruto at once. Because really, those are the words for it, aren’t they? All the chasing and obsessing and crying and laughing and yearning and wanting nothing more than to be by Sasuke’s side – that’s being in love. That’s what this is. He feels so stupid for not getting it before, but how could he? Until a week ago, he'd hardly even considered it an option.
And being in love - that's what Sasuke just said he feels about Naruto and he can’t even bring himself to worry about Sasuke’s self-deprecating nonsense because everything makes sense now and Sasuke is in love with him.
“I’m in love with you too,” Naruto says, maybe too quickly, too impulsively, but he means it. He means it more than anything he’s ever said and oh my god, where have the words for this been all his life? He thinks of all the times Sasuke has asked him, 'Why?' and Naruto has said 'Because you're my friend,' - and that was true, it always was, but there was more and this is it.
“No,” Sasuke says, and he sounds angry. Naruto has no idea how he could be angry right now, because Naruto’s never felt more elated in his entire life. It’s like his skin is on fire but, like, in a good way? If this is how Sakura feels with Ino then he’s so, so happy for her, this is fantastic.
“I love you,” Naruto says again, because he’s giddy with it, and Sasuke still looks mad but also his face is going red in a way that Naruto would better describe as embarrassment. “I love you.”
“You don’t even know if you’re gay,” Sasuke says.
“Sure I do,” Naruto says. “I mean uh, I’ve been thinking about it for a, a while. Really. It's been confusing. But like, now I’m sure.”
“It should take you longer than that to be sure.”
“How would you know? You’ve always been sure!” Naruto must have a point, because Sasuke doesn’t respond, just huffs and glares at him. “Besides, the only thing I’ve ever been completely sure about is you.” He puts his hand on Sasuke’s face again then, this time on the side of his cheek with his thumb brushing just below his eye. “I can’t believe I didn’t get why sooner.”
“Naruto-” Sasuke starts, before Naruto interrupts him with his lips on his.
Naruto remembers their first kiss well, and at first, this one’s a lot like that, because Sasuke’s mouth is open and both of their eyes are open, too, because Naruto’s an idiot and forgets he’s supposed to close them and Sasuke’s completely off-guard. But then Naruto's closing his eyes and Sasuke relaxes, lips closing against Naruto’s so there’s no mess of teeth or tongues and it’s just… nice. Warm and nice and like a real first kiss is supposed to be, Naruto thinks. Not an accident, not forced, just comfortable and close and the culmination of everything he’s felt for years and years.
But it’s chaste and brief, Naruto pulling back to look at Sasuke. It’s the most vulnerable Naruto’s seen him since the Valley, eyes wide and eyebrows furrowed upward, still blushing red to his ears, something so hopeful and upset about him. Naruto thinks his heart might break out of his rib-cage with how hard it’s pumping.
“Shit,” Naruto says suddenly, realizing his mistake, “I should’ve asked first. Was that okay?”
And Sasuke; beautiful, vulnerable Sasuke, leans forward, forehead to Naruto’s, “Only if you’re not going to regret it tomorrow.”
Maybe it’s cheesy, or too honest, but Naruto says, “The only thing I’ve regretted with you was losing you.”
“Okay then,” Sasuke says.
“Can we do it again?” he asks.
“Sure.”
When Team Taka returns in the morning, Karin expects to find a very angry Sasuke who’s gotten no rest and is still just as addled as he’d been the night before. Anymore, she may have sympathy for Sasuke, and even something like forgiveness, but she does not have patience for his moods. So a pissed-off sleepless Sasuke tends to lead to a pissed-off violent Karin, and no one has any fun at all. (Well, except Suigetsu, a little, because he's a dick.)
So, when she opens Sasuke’s door to grab a set of books that she’d left in there, she’s surprised to in fact not find a pissed-off sleepless Sasuke, and instead finds Sasuke completely passed out, wrapped around Naruto as pathetically tight and over-the-top as possible.
Naruto, apparently roused by her entrance, looks up at her with sleepy eyes and a lazy grin, finger raised to his mouth in a ‘shh’ gesture, before resting it back on top of Sasuke's head. She rolls her eyes, but nods, tip-toeing to grab her books before taking her leave.
Maybe they’ll actually have some peace and quiet around here, now.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Sakura says. She’s incredulous, shocked, flabbergasted, you name it. If she could describe her mood as ‘What the fuck’, she would, because it’s certainly the most accurate.
“Nope,” Naruto says, sitting nervously across from her in her room, legs spread and elbow resting on his knee. “I mean – Sasuke said he doesn’t wanna rush with labels, and everything, since I’m still figuring things out and things are. Well, things are tough for him, you know.”
“Yeah, yeah, of course,” she says, registering but not really registering what Naruto is telling her, because Naruto is gay, oh my god. After a moment, she huffs, "You know, I get why Sasuke was pissed at me when I came out to him."
"What do you mean?" Naruto asks. "I don't remember him being pissed! Well, more than usual, anyway."
"About like, how I'd been into him so long even though I'm a lesbian," she says. "Like, you bothered me all that time and you don't even like girls?"
"Oh my god, I didn't know! Leave me alone!" he squawks and she giggles, so it feels more normal.
But still.
Naruto is gay.
What are the fucking chances.
“You know,” she says, “Ino always says that we attract each other – gay people, that is. Like we travel in packs or something. I thought it was bullshit, really, it’s not like gaydar’s a real innate thing. But oh my god.”
“Why would Ino think that?” Naruto asks, eyes wide and honest, like he always is.
“Oh, uh,” Sakura starts, because shit, this isn’t her secret to tell. But hey, it wasn’t Ino’s either, and Naruto’s gay too, so. Fuck it. She’s a gossip, so sue her. “Shikamaru and Choji are kind of –”
“What!” Naruto exclaims before she can even finish, looking just as incredulous and shocked as Sakura feels. “No way! What about Temari, though? I thought her and Shikamaru were like, a thing.”
“I guess that’s also happening? Like at the same time?” she says. “I don’t know, it’s complicated. I think Shikamaru's bi and they're like, all doing that? I don't know. Ino explained it so it’s not like I know from the source. Also, you can't tell anybody, okay?”
“Huh,” Naruto says, poking his lower lip out like he always does when he’s thoughtful. “Maybe gays do travel in packs.”
“Naruto, as the veteran gay of Team 7, I’m revoking your gay card for saying that,” Sakura says.
“What!” Naruto shouts. “But I’m just getting started!”
“Too bad, you ruined it,” she teases, tone serious and arms crossed.
“But I love Sasuke so muuuch,” he whines, and nope, she’s done with this, that’s too much. She throws a pillow at him, rousing a loud whine from him as he falls backwards overdramatically.
Her annoyance is far from sincere though, of course, and by the time Naruto sits up properly, clutching the pillow to his chest, she’s smiling fondly at him. “What?” he pouts.
“I’m really glad you told me,” she says, and at that he softens.
“Yeah,” he says. “You too.”