Chapter Text
By the time Alec had dressed, and walked outside of the loft, the rain had stopped. He found Jace sitting on the stairs. Inhale, exhale. While the conversation would surely be awkward, there could be no avoiding it without making it all so much worse. Alec descended the stairs, and sat down beside his parabatai. They were both completely quiet, Alec pressed his hands between his knees to keep from nervous fidgeting.
“I’m sorry,” Jace said.
It wasn’t how Alec had expected the conversation to go. Perhaps some teasing, a quip about taking it to the bedroom, or being impatient. The apology threw him for a loop.
Jace looked shame-faced, unable to actually meet Alec’s eyes, rather settling for staring at his ear. “I-I uh, should have knocked.”
Alec nodded, but took a deep breath. “You’ve been staying at Magnus’s long enough, you have a key, I shouldn’t have made assumptions that you were going to be out all night.”
The awkwardness persisted, not an elephant in the room so much as it was breakdancing llamas.
“So, you’re a bottom,” Jace said with a smirk.
And like that the awkwardness became embarrassment. With his face burning, Alec stared down his parabatai. “Not always.”
Jace let out a shocked laughed, and Alec joined in. Jace sighed, leaning back, his elbows supporting him. “Alright then. I take it you enjoyed yourself? If Magnus isn’t taking care of you-“
“I believe you walked in during evidence that I was very much so enjoying myself,” Alec muttered with utter mortification.
Surprisingly, Jace turned a deep red colour, and cleared his throat. “Yes. Yes I did. I really am sorry about that.”
“So you’ve said.”
Jace sat back up and nudged Alec with his shoulder. “It bears repeating.”
Alec nodded. “Have you learned your lesson about knocking?”
“Yes. Absolutely,” Jace said. “I’ll apologize to Magnus later, I promise. And I’ll be moving back to the Institute. Now that my name has been cleared up, and I helped apprehend Valentine, I’m back in Aldertree’s good graces. Or it’s a case of keep your friends close but your enemies closer. It’s hard to tell.”
“So, I take it you told Clary-“ Alec paused watching the way Jace’s face fell before he looked away. Alec started to pay attention then, not to the physical, but to the more spiritual. The bond was taut, an indication that Jace was wound painfully tight, electric-like tremors sizzled along the bond, a sign to back off that any other person would heed. Alec instead grabbed Jace’s shoulder, the tight hold managed to soothe the bond. “What happened with Clary?”
Jace scuffed his boot along the edge of the stair. “Didn’t tell her.”
Alec’s eyes widened. “You didn’t tell her?”
“No.” Jace ran his hands through his hair, droplets indicating he too had been caught in the rain at some point in the evening. “I couldn’t. She looked so happy with him. With Simon. Who, by the way, can now withstand sunlight.”
“What?”
“Yeah.”
They two sat in silence for a few minutes. Alec shocked by the development, wondering how it was even possible. The bond, as Alec opened himself fully to it, was loud on Jace’s end, stabs of self-loathing, slithering fear, and sickening horror all swirled around him.
Alec wished that Jace had someone to lean on, he wondered if what Jace felt was what his side of the bond had felt like before he’d gone to Magnus. He pulled Jace into a hug, the other man bristled- and for a minute, Alec thought it was because Jace had just witnessed him having sex- but it came with a half-assed attempt to block him before he relaxed into the hold, the mental building blocks crumbling. “Alec,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to.”
“It’s okay, I know-“
“No, it’s not okay, it’s not okay!” He struggled in Alec’s hold, but Alec just held him tighter until his parabatai settled miserably in his arms. “It’s not okay. I killed them-“
Alec’s mind went for a loop, trying to catch up with Jace’s train of thought. “Jace, you... you thought you were prote-“
“I killed them,” Jace shouted, pulling back just enough that he was eye to eye with Alec. “It could have been Magnus.”
The thought of Magnus among the dead was like a stab to the heart, but he gripped Jace at the shoulders, fingers digging in with the kind of intensity that had his strength rune humming. “It also could have been you,” he snapped. “If things went down the way you wanted, the Downworlders would have been safe, but you would be dead. It could have been you. And that… that would have killed me, Jace.” He didn’t realize until Jace’s hand came up to brush along his cheek that he was crying. “I’m so thankful that Magnus wasn’t there,” he whispered, “and I’m sickened by my own fucking gratitude that you were wrong, and that I’m not holding your dead body right now.”
Jace’s breath came out in a rush, like he’d been punched in the gut. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t, don’t be sorry, Jace. It isn’t your fault. You were manipulated. You were used, and abused.” He pulled Jace back into his arms, the bond cutting some slack, nowhere near peaceful, but comfort rushed back and forth like the arms they wrapped around each other. “But you have to knock it off with this self-sacrificing shit-“
“I had to, I thought-“
“I know what you thought,” Alec snapped. His hand slipped down and pressed against Jace’s parabatai rune. “But don’t. Where thou diest, I will die, and there I will be buried. I love you, Jace. You are my brother, my parabatai, and to think of a world where you’re not by my side-“ he shook his head. “I can’t. You are not a pawn to be sacrificed, so stop being so willing to die.”
Jace’s lip trembled, he didn’t say anything, but nodded. Jace’s part of the bond trembled, and finally fell apart like a wave crashing over Alec. A little hiccup and Jace pressed his face into Alec’s shoulder. Alec wasn’t sure if he was crying for his own reasons, or because of the intensity of the emotions crashing down on him from Jace’s side. They were both open, the bond flowing with the kind of honesty it hadn’t done in years, it was easier to have things closed down that it was to feel so freely. They both received as much as they gave.
“Alec?” Jace asked, his voice watery.
“Yeah?” Alec’s voice broke halfway through.
“If Magnus had been there… do you think… do you think you would have ever forgiven me?”
Alec thought of Magnus dead, of it being Jace who activated the Soul Sword. Could he have forgiven that?
“I meant what I said before,” he said finally. “You didn’t know. I would have been… shattered. I don’t think I’d ever have picked up the pieces of myself, or assembled them right after, but… Jace, there wouldn’t have even been something to forgive, because I wouldn’t have blamed you.”
Apparently, it was the right thing to say because the slack in the bond indicated Jace calming. “Thanks.”
Alec nodded, and pulled Jace back in. They both still felt raw, but healing.
After a few minutes a loud clearing of the throat brought their simultaneous attention to Magnus who stood at the top of the stairs looking down at them with a frown.
Jace quickly pulled back. “Magnus, I’m sorry.”
“Whatever for?”
And suddenly the tension was back in the bond. “For everything. For walking in on you two-“ Magnus scoffed at that. “For nearly killing you with the Soul Sword-“ Magnus’s face went soft. “For… for everyone who died there-“ Magnus held up a hand cutting Jace off from speaking further.
“It wasn’t your fault, Jace.”
Jace’s face pinched in confusion, the tension of the bond eased once more. “What?”
“What happened was a tragedy, and I know you were honest with your intentions,” Magnus said. “You wanted to destroy the sword, and it would have killed you. And Jace, that would have been a tragedy too.”
The three of them were quiet for a moment before Magnus clapped his hands together just once. “Okay, good, got that out of the way. Now I came out here to bring you both inside before you catch your death of cold.”
“We’re angel-blooded,” Jace said. “We’re not going to catch a mundane cold.”
“Inside,” Magnus demanded. “I have tea. And cookies.”
“Well… if there are cookies,” Jace said standing, pulling Alec up with him.
At the top of the stairs, Alec kissed Magnus briefly, hoping to convey his appreciation for the words he’d shared with Jace. Magnus smiled, and winked in return.
“I can go back to the institute,” Jace said.
“No,” Alec reached out, the bond still too raw, and Jace’s words still worrying him too much. “You’re staying. One last night.”
“You say it like you live there,” Jace said.
“I already gave him a key,” Magnus said. “He can come any time.” He smirked as he led them to the stairs. “See what I did there?”
Jace groaned. “Not this again.” But it brought a little lightness to the bond, and Alec figured, maybe they’d all be okay after all.