Chapter Text
“So…”
Silence. Green eyes still fixed over his left shoulder.
“Lot to, uh, think about, huh.”
Nothing. Not even a blink. He was just standing there. His wrists unmoving under Cloud’s hands, his eyes distant.
Sephiroth had stopped screaming a long time ago now. Had settled back into his body. He hadn't moved away. He hadn't spoken. Now he was just standing in front of Cloud. He hadn't dislodged Cloud's grip on his wrists, though. He hadn't said or done anything.
Should I let go? Cloud wondered, trying not to stare directly in front of himself at Sephiroth’s bare chest. Is he angry?
If he was it was impossible to tell. He had no expression on his face. No tell in his posture. It was like he had turned into one of Cloud's statues. An image of a man without any soul at all.
Then out of nowhere he spoke.
“We have to stop.”
Cloud jumped. Squeezed Sephiroth’s wrists in alarm. Gods damned quiet, dramatic—
“What?” Cloud studied Sephiroth’s face. Tried to glean some expression. Some clue about why he was being so—
Sephiroth wasn’t looking at him. Utterly expressionless.
“So you just want to give up?” Cloud tried not to let the anger swell. What right does he have? After everything I went through that life what right does he have to be acting like this? Like he's the only one who matters?
Sephiroth shook his head, long hair swaying. He was still staring into the distance.
“If he had killed you…”
His voice petered out into silence. Trailed off like he couldn’t bring himself to complete the thought. Cloud watched his throat as he swallowed. The bob of his Adam's apple. The tension there.
“If you’d killed me?” Cloud prompted. Patience , cautioned his past lives. Patience. Let him take his time. Let him come to you.
“Not me.” Sephiroth clarified. His words were halting. The words that followed it more so. Like he was fighting for them. “Hojo. If he had killed you when he killed Li— Your mother—”
“You can call her Lillian.” Cloud said, keeping his voice soft. My boys his mother called them in some lives. My boys .
“—Would I have woken up here alone?”
Cloud was silent. Swallowed hard. Sephiroth’s eyes slid down to him. Met and held his gaze. Strange, inhuman, familiar.
“Or would this place simply have ceased to exist?” Sephiroth continued, eyes unreadable. "Would I have destroyed this as well, when I gutted the world?"
“They still would have stopped you.” Cloud reminded him with a shake of his head. “It’s never been me that stops you. That’s Aerith.”
“Not alone.” Sephiroth said. Low. Almost intimate.
“No.” Cloud agreed after a moment. “Not alone.”
Sephiroth held his gaze, then slowly stepped back and away. Cloud let him go with surprising reluctance. Let him put space between them again. Let him look out into the nothingness around them.
“We have to stop.” Sephiroth repeated.
“I’m surprised you aren’t happy.” Cloud shrugged as he spoke, watching Sephiroth's back. “You almost got rid of me.”
“My intention has never been to ‘get rid’ of you.” Sephiroth’s words were sharp— angry. His head tilted back towards Cloud before turning out into the whiteness again, the emotion bleeding out of his voice . “That is your intention alone.”
“That’s not…”
Cloud hesitated. Lying wouldn’t help.
“That’s not fair.” He settled on at last. “It’s not fair. We aren’t in the same position, Sephiroth.”
Sephiroth did not respond. He watched the empty world. Cloud clenched his fist until it would have hurt. It didn't, but it would have. If they had been alive.
He’s so frustrating .
Cloud blinked. He’d sounded young to himself, thinking that. He remembered that frustration vividly . His tumultuous friendship with Sephiroth. Their clashing personalities. The way they worked together anyway…
He took a slow breath. He closed his eyes. It was dark behind them, at least. With his eyes closed. He could think in that darkness. He could remember.
He invited them back. Those half-remembered childhood versions of himself. His brain always got so rattled in life, he never remembered by the time he was grown. But here he could remember.
There was something familiar about how Sephiroth was acting. He opened himself to long-lost childhood memories of half a handful of summers spent with the strange silver-haired boy . They flowed back through him like they'd never left.
Sephiroth saving beetles one life and pulling legs off crickets in another. Sephiroth protecting Cloud. Sephiroth almost killing Mitch in the process, thoughtlessly . Sephiroth…
Sephiroth kneeling, curled in on himself, before Cloud's mother. Obsessed with how much he cost to keep. Obsessed with not being a burden. Obsessed with his failings.
Desperate to stay.
You are not trouble. You are not a burden. You are welcome here. You are safe here. I will never hurt you.
And Sephiroth...
Sephiroth holding onto her sleeve so delicately . Asking without words what he could never seem to voice. Vulnerable, as Cloud had never seen him before. Not even when wounded. Not even when dying.
Cloud opened his eyes. Watched the man standing stiffly there. Staring away from him.
There had been no one to tell Sephiroth that he was safe in this last life. In most of his lives. No adult worthy of that vulnerability. Only Hojo, and the labs, and the war.
Cloud felt past lives curling in his chest. Felt the startling jealousy some of them held as he looked back on that moment. As he remembered Sephiroth stumbling over repeating Lillian's reassurances.
She never told me I wasn't a burden , the young Clouds whispered inside his mind, bitter and wounded. He’d felt like he was, as she'd worked her life away for him. As he amounted to nothing in return.
It’s hard , Cloud told his own past, putting a hand to his chest, thinking of Marlene and Denzel. It’s hard to know what a kid needs to hear. She always does her best, but she's not— she wasn't psychic. She couldn't know that it bothered me. I hid it from her.
Sephiroth still hadn’t moved.
Cloud consulted internally . Filtered through his childhoods with Sephiroth. Even this last one, broken and afraid in the labs. How do I get through to him?
They all agreed on the first step.
Cloud sat down. It was white beneath him, and white around him, but he settled in with a sigh. One leg stretched in front of him, one bent for him to rest his arm on. He saw Sephiroth notice.
Okay, step one, be non-threatening, done. What’s next?
Unfortunately, they had an answer.
You have to talk first, or he never will.
There was no hurry. Not really . They’d spent countless amounts of time here. They’d battled for what seemed like eternity. He could take his time. But he didn’t want to. He wanted it fixed.
He just … Didn’t know what was broken . What did you do with someone who wouldn’t talk?
It’s okay, Spiky. You take your time. Marlene an’ I will be right here when you’re ready, okay? You’re family. We’re gunna take care of you.
Barret. Marlene. Avalanche…
Zack. Aerith.
Tifa…
Hadn't he just spent a whole life not talking? Hadn't they’d loved him anyway.
Cloud reached for what to say. Where to start. There was so much. So much pain, and so much sadness, and so much anger. So much affection.
“Did you notice when my birthday changed?” Cloud asked, as casually as he could, looking up as if there were a sky to look at.
“Did it?” Sephiroth asked, voice flat and uninterested.
“Mmhmm.” Cloud drummed his fingers on the earth. The not-earth. The lack of earth. “The whole timeline shifted, I think . It all moved closer to you.”
Sephiroth frowned now. Tight and small and confused. He glanced over. Cloud gestured with his head towards the ground. Or, the... Emptiness. To where he was sitting.
“Come sit down.” He said.
“What do you mean the timeline shifted closer to me?” Sephiroth asked, not moving an inch.
“I just mean it shifted. When we started this, I went to Shinra when I was fourteen and you were somewhere in your twenties. Now when we restart we’re just a few years apart.”
“That doesn’t make sense.” Sephiroth said, shifting slightly towards him, opening his posture a touch.
“Does any of this?” Cloud gestured to the empty room. “Whatever’s happening here, it changes more than just us. Barret and Tifa and the crew— None of them have shifted in relation to me. It’s like a whole chunk of the timeline got moved to match yours better.”
Sephiroth didn’t look interested so much as he looked disturbed. His eyes were fixed on Cloud now, but they were wired and wild. Not his ‘listening’ eyes. Not what Cloud needed from him.
“There is so much out of our control.” Sephiroth muttered. “One more reason to stop playing with what we do not understand.”
Cloud, despite himself, had a moment. He didn’t usually have 'moments' in this world. It probably shouldn’t have been possible. But he felt the last life— the silent, broken, stuttering Cloud— fracture off from him. Kneel down at his side. Bend in close behind him to whisper in his ear.
Look how badly he doesn’t want to lose you . That Cloud whispered, worshipful and soft.
Cloud swallowed hard as the memory-life faded back into him. Was that what this was? Would I have woken up here alone? Sephiroth had said, sounding so empty with his blank eyes and expression, and his stiff, straight posture.
“Can I ask you something?” Cloud said, keeping a close eye on Sephiroth.
“I can’t stop you.” Dry and cold. Defensive the past informed him.
“What do you want?”
Silence for a moment. Then green eyes fixed on him again.
“You know what I want.”
“I don’t think I do.” Cloud shook his head. Caught Sephiroth’s suspicious look. Held it. “You say you want to destroy everything, but you don’t want me to die. And if you really wanted the world to end, you wouldn’t have started working with me to change things in the first place. So what do you want?”
Sephiroth was silent.
“I’m going to start guessing if you don’t answer.” Cloud warned him, tilting his head.
“Let’s just go back.” Sephiroth muttered. “Anything would be better than last time.”
“For us, maybe .” Cloud said with a shrug. “But some things went well.”
The weight of Sephiroth’s attention changed. Heavier. Cloud ignored it. Stayed where he was. Kept holding his eyes.
“Aerith survived.” He clarified. Took a breath. Smiled. “And Zack.”
“Stop.” Sephiroth told him.
“Why? It was good. Things were bad for us, but they got to have a whole life together. They got to live. It was hard, but they were there, and they made things better.”
Why did Sephiroth look like that? Why did he look so—
“You don’t still think he’s a traitor, do you?” Cloud felt a sudden sick fury. Sephiroth had hurt Zack so badly . In every life.
Sephiroth opened his mouth. Closed it again. Looked away.
“Sephiroth…”
“Let’s just go back.” Sephiroth said, his voice dead and flat. He lifted a hand. Cloud launched for him. Grabbed his wrist. Dragged it down before he could call the power to reset the universe.
Sephiroth glared at him, but…
A small long-haired ghost lagged behind him. Stared up at Cloud with haunted eyes. That child who’d begged for death. Who Cloud had known, and loved. Who had saved him. Cloud watched him instead of the anger on Sephiroth’s face. Watched that wounded, brave, terrified preteen who had saved his life and been torn apart.
“Unhand me.” Sephiroth warned.
“ Don’t hurt me. ” The child whispered.
“I’m not going to hurt you.”
Cloud spoke to the shadow and not to Sephiroth. To that echo of him. It was natural. He’d been speaking to shadows and echoes all his life. He'd been seeing things since the very first time Sephiroth's cells were shoved into his blood— had been talking to ghosts every life from his first one onward .
Sephiroth twitched under his grip.
“I am so sorry” Cloud told the shadow. “I am so sorry I couldn’t help. I wanted to.”
“ I shouldn’t have called you .” The child answered. “ He killed your mother. He hurt you. I made you sick .”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Cloud shook his head. “You were just a kid.”
Sephiroth jerked away. Stepped back. Glared at Cloud out of hateful eyes. The child shrank back behind him and vanished. Cloud kept looking at where he’d been.
“You start out so kind.” He whispered, shaking his head. “I’ll never get used to that."
He lifted his eyes. Met Sephiroth's fury unafraid. "It was worse than ever for you this last time, wasn’t it.”
Sephiroth didn’t answer. He didn’t have to. Cloud knew. He’d seen. The endless testing. The brutality that had been beaten into him. The breaks it left in him that never mended, even before Jenova.
The brain surgery.
Sephiroth wasn’t talking. He was breathing too hard, even though there wasn’t really any breathing in this place.
“I can’t fix it.” Cloud whispered, shaking his head. “But I saw it. I saw it, and I don’t want to pretend I didn’t. You saved my life, and you suffered.”
Sephiroth swallowed. Hard. His fingers twitched and curled.
“I told Zack—” There was a definite twitch this time at his name. Stop pushing warned a ghost, but he ignored it. “I told Zack that you were good, and kind, and they destroyed you.”
Sephiroth said nothing. Lifted his hand. Cloud jolted forward again, even as the first cracks spread through the white space. He caught Sephiroth’s hand. Held it.
The cracks stopped spreading.
“You can run from it if you want.” Cloud’s voice came out choked and broken. Crying, he realized. All those years of pain. Of Sephiroth suffering alone. Every lifetime. “I didn’t realize how bad it was, Sephiroth.”
The cracks stopped. Sealed shut slowly . Sephiroth let go of the restart. Let go of everything. His hand went limp in Cloud’s grip. He swallowed.
“I spend four years with him most lives.” Cloud murmured. “I don’t know if you know that.”
A silent shake of his head. He never looked at Cloud’s mind unless he needed something. He’d said it before.
“After what happens in the Reactor he keeps me and Zack prisoner there.” Sephiroth’s hand twitches under his at the mention of Zack’s name. “We're trapped for four years, and then Zack breaks us out. But by then I’m too far gone to help. He dies protecting me.”
“On the clifftop.” Sephiroth murmurs numbly .
“But not this time.” Cloud whispered, a reality he’d come to recognize only as the worst of it sank in. “Because Hojo only took him, and he didn’t have to protect me.” His voice broke. He swallowed it back. Forced himself to keep going. “If I die in the reactor, or before it, he would survive. The world would have a real hero. If he didn’t have to save me, Zack would live.”
Sephiroth’s eyes were on him now. Not angry anymore. Wide and strange, and Cloud could feel himself unravelling. He was supposed to be strong. He was supposed to be strong, and figure out how to fix this. He was supposed to be a hero like—
“If he kills me next time, you might wake up here with him.” Cloud’s voice was barely there. Ruined and broken and damaged like he was. “And he’d be able to—”
He faltered. Broke. Clenched his eyes shut. I’m so goddamn glad you’re alive Barret had said.
“Sit.” Sephiroth commanded, and despite himself, Cloud sat.
It helped that Sephiroth knelt with him. Going slowly . He wished breathing exercises would have helped. He wished he could touch, or taste, or smell anything to fend off the sick, rising panic. He wished Tifa was there.
She wasn’t. Sephiroth was. Kneeling before him and staring. Cloud tried to calm down. The latest life’s failings rattled the walls of him as the guilt from a thousand survivals howled Zack’s name.
“Stop.” Sephiroth said.
His hand was holding Cloud’s now, not the other way around. Cloud gripped him back. Shook him by the arm. Sure, idiot, tell the guy who’s falling apart to stop that’ll help.
“Cloud. Stop.”
Cloud shook him again, silently . Just shut up .
Sephiroth stared. He didn’t understand. It was so clear that he didn’t understand.
“I’m trying.” Cloud gasped, clenching his hand around Sephiroth’s just because that’s where it was. “ So hard. I’m t-trying tt-t-t-”
“Breathe.”
Cloud shook him again in frustration. Made a strained, desperate sound. Sephiroth’s face wasn’t blank anymore. He looked lost. Bewildered.
“I—” Sephiroth hesitated. Broke off. Held his tongue. Looked at the ground.
Waited.
Good . Cloud wanted to tell him. That’s good. Be patient.
He couldn’t say it aloud. Couldn’t praise him, or scold him, or ask him for patience. He could barely keep himself in one piece. He could feel all the pieces of himself trying to break free. Starting to fall apart.
He clenched his eyes shut. Clenched his hand on Sephiroth’s, because he was all that was there. All that was left . All that he had. The man he hated most. That’s not true. That’s not fair.
“I don’t—” Great, Sephiroth was talking again. You’d think he’d take a hint but — “I don’t know what— What do you need?”
Cloud forced his eyes open. Found Sephiroth watching. Staring.
Not just one of him.
His little echoes, his past lives, those children who tried so hard, peered over his shoulders, down at Cloud . Sephiroth’s face was empty. Their faces weren’t.
“Please, don’t mess this up.” Begged a Sephiroth with his hair hidden beneath a dark cap, shaking his older self by the shoulder, his eyes wild with worry . “Don’t drive him away!”
“Why can’t you do this?” Another Sephiroth asked, young and furious, hand clenched in his own hair. “Why can’t I do this?”
“He’s sick again.” The short-haired Sephiroth from this most recent life, devoid of emotion. “We make him sick.”
And cold-eyed, a version of Sephiroth Cloud had never seen. He wore a blue Shinra uniform and a scathing expression. He bit out his words like a curse. “Pathetic. You’re supposed to be perfect.”
“Don’t.” Cloud choked out despite himself, reaching out. Gripping the lapel of Sephiroth’s leather jacket. The echoes startled and faded, leaving just Sephiroth there again.
“Oh, like that’s better than ‘stop.’” Muttered a shattered memory of Cloud from nearby, rolling his eyes at himself .
“Are you enjoying having another mental breakdown while someone needs you?” Snapped another Cloud, glaring down on him.
“Some hero.” Hissed at third, arms crossed, looking away from himself, broken once again.
Cloud watched Sephiroth’s eyes dart between them.
“You see them.” Cloud whispered.
“I always have.” Sephiroth answered. “But you—”
“Yeah.” Cloud whispered. “I see yours now.”
“Because of the last…” Sephiroth trailed off. “But why?”
“ I saw you. ” The broken hollow-eyed slit-pupiled Cloud who appeared at Cloud’s shoulder answered. “ I shouldn’t have looked, but I did. When you reached for me, I reached back. I saw him cut you open. I saw him change your brain. ”
“Stop it.” Cloud told himself, fighting to get his memories under control again.
Sephiroth had gone still. Was staring at that cat-eyed Cloud, even as the memory faded. He took a shallow breath.
“ You still don’t know what he did in there, do you. ” Whispered a short-haired Sephiroth, tall and beautiful and terrible, eyes burning down on the kneeling form of himself . “ I wonder if all the grey matter he stirred around up here stuck after death. ”
Sephiroth closed his eyes. Cloud gripped his hand. Floundered. They were both too… Too messed up, too— They needed—
“You are safe here.” Cloud said, quoting his mother.
He watched Sephiroth move. Watched him inhale and tilt his chin upwards.
But the rest of the mantra wasn’t what was bothering him. So instead… Instead, he reached out and found—
The slit-pupiled Cloud he had become in this past life knelt slowly at his side, and Cloud welcomed him. His eyes were all wrong, but his hands were gentle as he lifted them to Sephiroth’s face. More familiar with him than Cloud could imagine himself being. Bright blue eyes, filled with tears, outlined in dark eyeliner. The subtle kind he’d started wearing after losing Tifa.
“ You d-des-serve b-be-etter . You de-serve b-et-t-ter than th-this ” That Cloud stuttered. Tifa’s words. What she’d whispered to him, holding him tight, huddled on her bed together after he’d nearly frozen to death at Sephiroth’s side .
The memory faded, stroking Sephiroth's cheek. The short-haired Sephiroth faded as well. Left just the two of them again, in silence.
“You deserve better.” Cloud agreed softly after a moment. “Better than being forced back too. I didn’t realize how bad it was, Sephiroth. I didn’t understand how bad they hurt you.”
Sephiroth was silent for a moment. Then he took a slow breath.
“Have you really thought of yourself as second-best to Zack all this time?” He asked, lifting his eyes again with what looked like a physical effort.
“Of course.” Cloud said, with a shrug. “I am. He saves me, and I’ve always known it was a mistake. Now I know for sure. He dies because of me.”
“You think it's a mistake.” Sephiroth repeated.
“Yeah.” Cloud shook his head. “ All of this is. You only know me because I'm so weak I get captured, but I'm too stubborn to be a proper clone, so I end up a failed copy of you. Before that… I was just nothing.”
Sephiroth searched his face. Took a breath. Shifted in jerking, uncertain motions to sit before him instead of kneeling. He turned their joined hands till he was holding Cloud’s. Looked down at Cloud’s skin in opposition to his leather glove.
“When you are seven years old,” he said slowly , “you start having dreams about a stranger. When you are eleven years old, you run away from home to help him.”
Cloud stared. Watched Sephiroth’s expression change. Soften and harden at once.
“You take him home, even though it is hard. You try to talk even though he is difficult. You share everything you have, even your mother. Your space. Your books. Your comics. Your food. Your time.”
He lifted his eyes. Met Cloud’s shocked stare.
“That's not a mistake.” He said. “No one makes you do that. No one makes you try. And after, no one makes you fight me at every turn. No one makes you survive. You do that."
Sephiroth's hand felt strange around his. Almost like it was shaking. He kept talking anyway. More words that Cloud had ever heard from him at once aside from his crazed, broken speeches.
"You have nearly as much right as I do to hate the world, Cloud and yet you fight for it. Over and over." He shook his head. "You are not a second choice.”
Cloud stared at him. Swallowed hard. Took a shallow breath. His hands were shaking. He wanted…
“You are not a burden.” Sephiroth whispered, averting his eyes. “You are not second-best. You told me once you envied your mother. For knowing what to say to me. But if it were not for you, no one would ever…”
His free hand shifted. Not a fist. He pressed his thumb into his first finger. Rubbed them together. Seeking sensation in this empty world, Cloud realized. Seeking some comfort.
“If not for you, no one would ever have...”
He couldn’t finish the sentence. Fell silent. Frowned at himself, then let his expression fade to emptiness once more. Cloud took a slow breath. Part of him wanted to laugh. It was all Sephiroth’s fault that the world needed a hero. But…
But that kid with his silver hair stuffed under his cap was looking shyly at him from over Sephiroth’s shoulder. Waiting. Uncertain. Was that good? His eyes seemed to ask.
He’s trying , Cloud realized with a feeling like a hole in his heart.
“This past time...” Cloud said, ducking his chin. “It was hard. I know it was for you too. Sorry for being a little… Out of it.”
“You’re more than entitled.” Sephiroth said, not looking at him either. Sitting there, awkwardly holding on to him. Like they were children again.
And at that thought, they were. It wasn’t a ghost of Cloud’s past self. It was just Cloud. Years younger.
It wasn’t a shadow of Sephiroth across form him. It was just Sephiroth. Young, and sitting there with his hair falling into his face to hide his troubled expression.
“You’re a good friend.” Cloud whispered, because this Sephiroth… He knew this Sephiroth. How worried he was. How hard he tried.
But Sephiroth didn’t react how he thought he would. He lowered his head. Curled in on himself like Cloud had only seen once before, when he’d crumbled before the face of his mother’s stern affection .
“Everyone leaves.” Sephiroth whispered. “Everyone leaves me behind. I try to be good, but I…”
“I don’t leave you.” Cloud objected, squeezing his hand.
“You should.” Sephiroth said, his voice choked. “It’s dangerous. I’m dangerous. If you die, I’ll be all alone. I don’t want you to die. I don’t want you to get hurt anymore, and it’s my fault. I’m the one who should die!”
“What?” Cloud felt his heart drop into his stomach.
“If I died, everyone would be happy.” Sephiroth said, his voice horrifically steady. “You’d have your mom, and your friends, and your world. You’d be okay. I make you sick. Every time, no matter how hard I try.”
Cloud launched forward before he could think better of it. Wrapped his arms around Sephiroth. Clenched his eyes shut. For a moment Sephiroth went stiff as a board. Then he pressed closer. Shoved his face into Cloud’s shoulder.
“I don’t want you to die.” Cloud whispered into Sephiroth’s silver hair. “I want to help you.”
“I want to keep you safe.” Sephiroth whispered, clinging tight to him. “You’re not safe with me. Not in the labs, not in Nibelheim, not in Shinra. And after…”
“We don’t have to talk about after.” Cloud whispered.
“I don’t want to let you go.” Sephiroth choked, his hands tightening greedily on Cloud’s back. “But I know it’s wrong. You’re fragile. You’re human. I’ll break you if I hold on too tight.”
“I want you to hold on.” Cloud whispered, pressing their heads together. “If you’d run with me maybe —”
“They’d have found me.”
“If we ran when the Turk showed up—”
“They would find us.”
“If you just —”
“They would kill you, Cloud.”
“If you just stayed.”
Cloud clenched his hands in Sephiroth’s hair. Clung to him. Choked on a sob. Sephiroth made a high, strained noise, but he didn’t cry. He never cried.
“I want to be your friend.” Cloud whispered. “I want to help.”
“It hurts.” Sephiroth gasped. “It hurts. Seeing you and Lillian. Knowing what it was supposed to be like.”
“I’m sorry.” Cloud clenched his eyes shut. Curled tighter. Sephiroth curled around him in return. Locked them together. Young and afraid and confused.
“I want to stay.” Sephiroth whispered. “I always want to stay.”
“Tell me more.” Cloud urged, clinging to him. “Tell me what you want. You never tell me what you want until it’s too late.”
Sephiroth’s breath came in rough gasps. His fingers tightened. He crushed Cloud against him. It didn’t hurt. He couldn’t hurt Cloud here in the white space. No matter how old they were.
“Genesis.” He choked. “Angeal.”
Cloud racked his memory. Found cold jealousy. The angry redhead, his past life filled in bitterly . The fond one. Cloud silenced that jealous fury. Thought of how Sephiroth had been towards Tifa. How Zack had been towards Tifa and Aerith’s closeness. Emulated him instead.
“Your friends.” Cloud whispered.
“Everything I love dies.” Sephiroth whispered, his eyes clenched shut when Cloud shifted, trying to look at his face. “Everything I love except…”
“Jenova.” Cloud filled in.
But Sephiroth shook his head.
He didn’t answer with words. He lifted his green eyes to Cloud and stared. And Cloud felt—
He took a shallow breath. Realized he was grown now. That Sephiroth was grown. That they were holding each other. Like they had when they were fragile, frightened children.
He didn’t let go.
“I know you’re hurt.” Cloud whispered instead. “I know you’re scared. Try again with me.”
“What if it gets worse?” Sephiroth whispered.
“It won’t.” Cloud said. “I’ll come for you when I’m eleven. If nothing else…”
“If nothing else, we’ll have that one summer.” Sephiroth whispered in return, his lips barely moving.
“We’ll add it to our pile.” Cloud said in return.
He watched Sephiroth swallow. Watched him take a breath.
“What do I say?” Sephiroth whispered. “I don’t want to call you too early.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” Cloud said. “ Just say what you mean. I’ll make it come through right.”
Sephiroth hesitated. Looked out into the white space. Cloud saw them for a moment. All the ghosts of him, staring back.
“You don’t have to be a hero. You don’t have to save me.” Sephiroth whispered, his fingers tangled in Cloud’s shirt, digging into his skin. “ Just please come. I’ll be waiting.”
“I’ll be there.” Cloud promised, even as the world shattered. “I won’t leave you alone.”
I won’t give up on you.
Seven year old Cloud Strife bolted up out of a dead sleep sobbing and screaming. He gasped for breath, feeling the hollow, sorrowful echo of that nightmare. Of the boy with those tragic green eyes.
“Cloud?” Tifa jolted awake from where she’d camped out on his floor last night. “What is it? What’s wrong? Mrs. Strife!”
“Tifa.” Cloud choked as she flung herself into his arms. “It wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t a dream…”
He clung tightly to her, sobbing into her shoulder. He could hear his mom moving around. Heard her come in, looking at both of them.
“What’s the matter?” She asked. “Tifa, do you need me to take you home?”
“No, ma’am, it’s not me.” Tifa answered, lifting her bright red eyes, teary with stress for Cloud’s sake. “Cloud had a bad dream.”
“It wasn’t a dream.” Cloud whispered, shaking his head. “There’s a boy under Shinra. He’s all alone.”
“A boy under…” his mom said slowly , frowning. “Oh, darling… It sounds like a hard dream, but—”
“It wasn’t.” Cloud insisted, choking on his tears. “He’s waiting for me.”
Tifa squeezed him tight.
“No one’s waiting for you, Cloud.” His mother soothed, bending to press a soft kiss to his head, rubbing his back and Tifa’s both. “It’s okay.”
“He is.” Cloud insisted. “We have to go. He’s in trouble.”
“I’ll look into it.” His mom sighed, her hair in disarray from being awoken and her bathrobe hastily tied on. “But it’s very late, and you both need to get some sleep. You already stayed up late reading together.”
“I told you she could hear us.” Tifa whispered.
Cloud didn’t feel like joking back. He could feel it. He knew…
But he nodded to his mom quietly , and accepted her kiss on his cheek.
“I promise you’re okay.” She assured him, looking between them. “Do you need me to stay?”
“No.” Cloud murmured. “It’s okay. We’ll go to bed.”
“Alright.” She said. “Good night sweetheart. Good night, Tifa. Try to get some rest, okay? I know you both want to have more sleepovers, and you need to sleep for that to happen.”
“Yes ma’am.” Tifa whispered, still hugging Cloud tightly .
“Yes ma.”
She went to bed. Cloud waited until he couldn’t hear her anymore. Then he looked over to Tifa. Met her bright, intense eyes.
“It wasn’t a dream.” He whispered. “He’s waiting.”
“Okay.” Tifa whispered, holding his hands. “ I believe you, Cloud. What was he like?”
Cloud told her. Everything he remembered. The fuzzy edges of the dream. The boy with green eyes. The red of blood. The voice whispering ‘please’ and ‘I’ll be waiting.’
Tifa listened, just like she’d listened that day a year ago. When she'd been playing outside, and Cloud had stood up, and chewed on his lip, and told her he thought they’d make good friends . Even though the other boys had laughed, Tifa had smiled and believed him.
“I dreamed about him again.” Cloud muttered at their next sleepover. “I’m worried.”
“Me too.” Tifa whispered, huddled under the blankets with him. “Can you draw him for me? Then maybe we can put the drawing somewhere safe, and it will feel more like he’s safe too.”
Cloud drew him for her, as best he could. It wasn’t very good, but he knew she understood better when she saw him. Saw the look on his face, or as close as Cloud could get to it.
“Oh.” Tifa whispered, staring at the drawing. “He’s afraid.”
They put the picture in one of Cloud's storybooks, between a picture of a lake and a picture of a tea party. They started calling the boy from the dream 'Green' for his eyes.
The dream kept happening. Once a month at first, then once a week. Cloud told his mother about it sometimes. He told Tifa about it always. Until…
When Tifa’s mom died she all but moved in at Cloud’s house. She didn’t cry a lot, like Cloud thought she would. She was quiet, though. She was really quiet. And one day she stood up, and started walking up the mountain, and Cloud followed her. There was nothing else he could do.
And when she fell, they fell together.
“Another dream about Green?” Tifa asked softly , sitting by his bed. Her arm was still in a sling, but she looked more like herself now that the bruises on her face had healed.
“Yeah.” Cloud sighed, rubbing the lingering tears out of his eyes. “I just know he’s waiting. I can’t wait much longer.”
“We shouldn’t.” Tifa whispered, her brows furrowed. “You got hurt. You could have died.”
“So could you have.” Cloud objected.
Tifa didn’t answer. She was chewing on her lip and watching the wall, rocking just a little where she sat. Back and forth.
“Don’t go without me, okay?” She whispered. “When you go.”
“If you don’t go anywhere without me either.”
Tifa’s smile wasn’t as bright recently. But her dimples still showed when she lifted her pinky for Cloud to pinky swear on. He hooked their fingers together.
“I won't leave you alone.” He said, echoing something he’d heard somewhere before.
“I won't leave you alone.” Tifa agreed.
When Cloud was eleven, and Tifa was ten, the dreams of Green started happening every night, and the red of his blood got brighter and brighter in Cloud's mind .
Cloud told Tifa after every one. They had hatched a plan a long time ago now.
When Cloud was eleven, and Tifa was ten, they stole the mayor’s car and headed for Midgar.