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Izzy is having a cheeky mental breakdown in a toilet stall when he sees a phone number written on the wall. It's like a sign. Or maybe he's just drunk enough to try anything at this point.
Bookmarked by tikli
04 Aug 2024
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Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor by prizewinningfruitcake
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
13 Mar 2023
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Summary
“Tell you one thing. You lot,” he spreads his fingers, “are not our fucking neighbors. I’m not gonna pop ‘round for tea, I’m not gonna see you at fucking yoga, and if that hurts your cute little feelings, I suggest you go ask your daddy to kiss it better for your trust fund fucking ass.”
“I beg your pardon?” Stede’s come up sharp beside him. “Are you the owner?”
“So… who is my daddy fucking in this, um-?” Lucius puzzles.
“We’re closed,” he snaps, somewhat less menacing for how he visibly has to shake that off. “Get the fuck out.”
Lucius works at a new bookstore, Izzy works at the porn shop that's been in the neighborhood for decades. They're instant enemies, but when they separately discover their bosses developing an anonymous email romance and are driven to meddle for completely different yet equally batshit reasons, they find they have more in common than they would have thought. Or at least, JefftheCPA and Gentleman59 do.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 19,976
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 176
- Kudos:
- 316
- Bookmarks:
- 54
- Hits:
- 3,441
Bookmarked by tikli
22 Jul 2024
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this time, love, we're gonna get it right by sweatervest
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
05 May 2023
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“So sorry but please, help me—my boss won’t leave me alone and I’ve got to escape before he gives me more insane ideas for this brunch booking app he insists people won’t use as a hookup app, and if I have to stay here any longer, I’ll have an entire plan for how to get away with a brunch-themed murder,” Lucius says in a rush. “I’ll buy you a drink or something. Just, get me out the door. Please.”
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Lucius asks a handsome stranger, Izzy, to help him escape from Stede so Lucius can have one night off. What neither of them realize, however, is just how big of gossips Stede and Ed are.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,788
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 160
- Kudos:
- 509
- Bookmarks:
- 68
- Hits:
- 4,148
Bookmarked by tikli
22 Jul 2024
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Good Boy by thespacelizard
Fandoms: The Legend of Drizzt Series - R. A. Salvatore, Forgotten Realms
01 Aug 2021
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Summary
Drizzt is a good boy who deserves to get thoroughly plowed into the mattress.
Series
- Part 2 of Fuckbuddies AU
Bookmarked by tikli
19 Jul 2024
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Uncover by thespacelizard
Fandoms: Forgotten Realms, The Legend of Drizzt Series - R. A. Salvatore
26 Apr 2021
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Summary
“What are you hiding under that cloak, drow?”
“You’re a smart man, Entreri,” Drizzt said, “I’m certain you can uncover my secrets.”
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Drizzt pays an unexpected visit to Entreri's room. Artemis finds an inappropriate use for Drizzt's cloak.Series
- Part 1 of Fuckbuddies AU
Bookmarked by tikli
19 Jul 2024
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Drizzt is best friends with a Dwarf, has a past full of epic loneliness and lives in an area known for extreme cold and snow. Trapping him and Bruenor in a cave together just seemed like the thing to do.
Bookmarked by tikli
18 Jul 2024
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Out of all the cybermechanics in Nassau, Blackbeard v1.0_2117 has decided that Israel Hands will be the one to design and construct for him a body.
This will bite him in his soon-to-be-built ass.
Bookmarked by tikli
10 Jul 2024
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Ed and his new boss have sex. Ed tells himself that he needs this. Maybe he does.
Bookmarked by tikli
17 May 2024
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“Edward? Edward! Did you tell those cunts it’s my birthday?”
It's Izzy's birthday, and the crew are determined to make it a memorable one! Many hijinks, hoorays and head injuries ensue.
Bookmarked by tikli
15 May 2024
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“I’d be real careful with that line o’ thinkin’,” he warns, raising an arm and bringing it to brace against the wall beside her head, all but pinning her to it. They may not be physically touching, but they’re so close to it and he’s looking at her like she’s a meal (which should be concerning because she knows he literally eats people) and she really, really wishes they were touching right now. “Because I can be nice. Real nice.” His free hand reaches up to her face, and she’s so focused on watching his expression and how close his face is to hers that she doesn’t even realize until his thumb brushes over the barely-healing split in her lip. “…But I don’t think nice is what ya’ want, is it?”
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The Ghoul's been walking Lucy around on a leash for two days and whoops I tripped and he's gonna fuck her brains out now.(if you didn't think I was gonna write smut about the hot Ghoul Cowboy and Lucy 'every fallout vault dweller OC' MacLean, i don't know what to tell you.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 23,685
- Chapters:
- 2/?
- Comments:
- 181
- Kudos:
- 2,062
- Bookmarks:
- 490
- Hits:
- 26,659
Bookmarked by tikli
01 May 2024
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She sticks to herself like barbed wire; and she will always, in some way or another, be small. But in this she doesn’t mind. He can be large enough for the both of them, she thinks.
Bookmarked by tikli
28 Apr 2024
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Astarion gave him another over-the-shoulder look, his eyes narrowed and assessing. “And you’re into him?”
Wyll nodded. “He’s incredibly hot.”
“Oh thank god, we’re the only people I know who’ve been this long in an open relationship without managing to fuck anyone else. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with us.”
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Wyll meets a handsome man at the gym, but just when it looks like sparks might fly ideological differences bring the whole thing crashing down... or do they?Bookmarked by tikli
26 Apr 2024
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Gale is trying to sleep while Halsin and Astarion loudly get it on in the next room over. Or, at least, he was going to try to sleep... But it's hard not to listen.
(this is set in an otherwise unexplored modern, non-magic college AU. that doesn't really have an impact on most of the content, but it explains some phrases.)
Bookmarked by tikli
26 Apr 2024
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When his advances are rejected one drunken night, Astarion makes it his personal mission to get the druid into his bed. His game of seduction quickly backfires when he realizes Halsin is in it for the long run.
[Light sprinkling of smut in chapter 3. There will be much more afterwards. A LOT of incoming angst if you're into that. Probably the most angst heavy fic I've written]
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 45,301
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Comments:
- 186
- Kudos:
- 998
- Bookmarks:
- 224
- Hits:
- 22,743
Bookmarked by tikli
24 Apr 2024
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Health Potions (or: If Only Someone Here Knew Cure Light Wounds) by backflips
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
23 Mar 2024
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Summary
"Minsc," Astarion growled, his voice dripping with disdain, "Do you seriously mean to tell me that you came down to the Underdark with not a single health potion on you?"
Minsc smiled. "Why would Minsc need to bring a health potion when he is so strong, my friend?"
“Oh, I don’t know,” Astarion clenched his jaw and hissed a long, seething breath from between his teeth. "Perhaps," he glowered, "to help an ally with a broken leg!"
Bookmarked by tikli
24 Apr 2024
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Summary
20-year-old Israel Hands finds himself 30 years in the future. First Mate Izzy Hands sits him down for a talk. They both learn a little about themselves.
Bookmarked by tikli
14 Apr 2024
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nothing to lose (and there’s nothing to prove) by dinoromance89 for perilit
Fandoms: Broadchurch
13 Apr 2024
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Summary
"I can keep watch while you do what you have to do, and call an ambulance if you fall and crack your head open. Again. Consider me your wank-sitter. Your mastur-buddy. Your-”
“Oh shut up, Miller,” Hardy growls, which is good because Ellie’s just about run out of silly euphemisms. He swallows audibly. “That- That would be, um. That might actually work.”
___
A tipsy night in takes an interesting turn. No, not the way you think. Probably considerably weirder.Bookmarked by tikli
14 Apr 2024
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Astarion hates dungeons. They are odorous, filthy, trap-ridden monster hovels and very rarely do they actually ever have anything of value within them.
But during one excursion with the team, he spots a most beautiful chest; made of ancient wood, inlaid with shimmering abalone- it beckons to him.
Gods, there must be something terribly valuable in there. Surely nothing nefarious. That would never happen in a dungeon!
Right?Bookmarked by tikli
08 Apr 2024
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Summary
"There's only one bed," Izzy said, stating the obvious like it might cause the bed to suddenly duplicate itself.
"That's impossible, I particularly requested a room for two people," Stede protested. "I specifically asked for two beds. Perhaps you miscounted."
"I can fucking count, you twat."
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,379
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 3
- Kudos:
- 109
- Bookmarks:
- 4
- Hits:
- 593
Bookmarked by tikli
07 Apr 2024
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Summary
Roy watched him and then went home to Keeley. Jamie wants to know about that.
“Did you two really fuck after watching me on the telly?” he asks.
Series
- Part 2 of Upside Down 'verse
Bookmarked by tikli
01 Apr 2024