Gifts for notwest
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So here he is, gazing into the asscrack of dawn from the kitchen window of Farmer Vantas. Because apparently they have to get up this early to milk the sheep—which isn’t a euphemism, by the way. Dave asked, just to make sure, and Vantas gave him the dirtiest look and scoffed at him.
In Dave’s defense, he didn’t even know sheep had milk.
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Dave Strider, Movie Director and Celebrity, gets an invite to the White House from his favorite president. When shit goes down, it's up to Dave to save America.
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When Karkat signed up for the Interplanetary Research and Investigation Team he expected to be working with a crew of highly trained scientists and engineers each dedicated to the cause of mapping the local flora and fauna of their local star cluster. He got that. They just all also happen to be the biggest raging dunderfucks this side of the milky way galaxy he has ever had the displeasure to be trapped in space with. Lucky for him, this is his and his less than competent partner Dave's last tour of the smallest planet in Star Cluster 413 before a well needed break. If he gets through this, it's a solar sweep's worth of rest and relaxation on the farthest rock from any of these assholes and he cannot possibly wait.
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WISHES ARE LIKE FISHES ('cause they're hella slippery) by Wertiyurae for notwest, allbrodennis
Fandoms: Homestuck
04 Sep 2022
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Karkat is a hunter who is on a mission to rid the world of one more mystical pest causing mayhem and death (but mostly mayhem). This job should be easy: all he has to do is make the right wish.
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Karkat Vantas is a vampire, Dave Strider is a nightclub DJ, together they make for the most awkward first time hook up in a sound booth you've ever seen, trying to get some blood into the worlds most anxious vampire.
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As Karkat tries to figure out his powers as a god, the "human" he attempted to bring his wrath down on seems to be running circles around him.
Or: how to conduct a relationship when the fourth time you meet him is the eighteenth time he meets you and the sixth time you meet him is the third time he meets you and god DAMN, Dave, could you stop time travelling for two fucking seconds?
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Keeping your enemies closer is a lot easier when you don't have friends.
Series
- Part 9 of 1.5mil words on AO3 promo series
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After being the first to discover the temple of a long-lost Egyptian god, Dave tattoos the god's symbol to his back.
Shit starts to get weird after that.
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This is my gift for the Karkat Thirst V-Day gift exchange!
Karkat and Dave finally tie the knot.
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It’s Valentine’s Day.
You tell Jake you hate Valentine’s Day.
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Karkat entertains Dave on his bus ride home. Dave gets a little more worked up than he expected.
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Out of the Frying Pan (and into the lube fountain) by carnivorousBelvedere for ireallyloveicecream, PeachBriseadh, notwest
Fandoms: Homestuck
09 Oct 2019
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If director Dave Strider opens a restaurant, food critic Karkat Vantas is inevitably going to eat there.
(a sort of ridiculous, sort of serious story about two lonely people who find each other through food)
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Bro and John go to a football game, for some reason.
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The first time Dave learns a kitchen is for making food is at his friend John’s house.
When he’s old enough Bro immediately enlists him to run molly to the city. The one hitch is they need a way to deliver it discreetly…
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Mr. Egbert, desperate to pay for his son’s college bills, responds to an ad in the paper and finds himself tangled up in the criminal underworld he never knew Dave thrived in.
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Trying to make some extra money, Dave signs up to be a nude art model for a university art class.
Eventually, he's privately hired for a project by artist Karkat Vantas, but the artist has a bit of a strange request for him.
This absolutely does not lead to any new discoveries about Dave's sexuality, and they totally keep it professional the entire time.
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you can't just magically get over someone by carnivorousBelvedere for notwest
Fandoms: Homestuck
11 Oct 2018
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Dave tries to use alchemy to get over his coworker.
It goes about as well as you think it would.
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long story short: sex pollen trope minus altered mental state!
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"You agreed to this, and you like to think of yourself as a man of your word. Two weeks ago, Karkat diffidently admitted he might enjoy being dominated. Sexually. By you.
"You’ll probably wind up just awkwardly trying to imitate something you saw in a movie once (and not even a porno, like Austin Powers or some shit) after which Karkat will refuse to talk to you for a week, but what the hell, you’ve clawed your way out of enough piles of ball-gagged smuppets, you must have some idea of what you’re doing, right?"
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Life Itself by nomisupernova for apocalypticTaco, ireallyloveicecream, weaksauce, mementomorai, commaAbuser, cryptichedonist, carnivorousBelvedere, YourKnightOfRage, notwest, awkwardFawn
Fandoms: Homestuck
05 Aug 2018
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Karkat Vantas is a barista at A Cup of Love and he gets a weird customer one day. Cupid, as he comes to learn his name is, uses emotional manipulation magic for the good of people's love lives. Karkat, however, doesn't know this and he tries to fight a god. Including: Magic use, threats of violence, a fight scene, one pair of lesbians kissing, and hugging.
Written live for the Karkat Thirst server, of which I'm the Mod!
Series
- Part 2 of An Arrow to the Heart
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Karkat hates his fucking job, but it's not all bad.
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Dave Strider, that goddamned rich bitch asshole by commaAbuser for notwest, egosweetheart
Fandoms: Homestuck
01 Aug 2018
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Dave Strider is a famous film director and he's not used to anyone calling him out on his bullshit until he meets film student Karkat Vantas.