cucumber_of_doom
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- Sherlock (TV) (14)
- Hannibal (TV) (14)
- James Bond (Craig Movies) (5)
- Our Flag Means Death (TV) (5)
- Marvel Cinematic Universe (2)
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Summary
Jack ramps up his charm, grin growing lascivious.
„What about a little two-for-one special?”
“The two of you for a third of what I usually charge for a single person? Sounds like a bad business decision to me,” she drawls but looks them up and down while leaning back against the counter next to Jack. She arches an eyebrow at him. “But you know what? I am not completely heartless. You lads pay upfront and get half a massage each. At the same time, ‘cause I’m gonna close up after this. What do you boys say?”
Ed needs a little pick-me-up after getting his heart broken and Jack does what everyone would do for their best bro: talking the MILF with the face tattoo at the massage place into a discount-threesome.
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fill me up and make me fat (you like me best when I'm like that) by cucumber_of_doom
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
17 Feb 2023
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The fact that Bonnet is here – no matter how much Izzy doesn’t want him to be – is something Izzy did not expect to happen. For a spoiled little shit like him to learn the truth about about what exactly Edward is and still wanting to stay. Wanting to see-
Wanting to see the kraken lay his eggs.
______________________________Izzy has always been there when Edward needed to lay a clutch of his eggs into a warm, living body. With Bonnet back on board and in Edward's bed that doesn't change.
(While getting stuffed and bred, Izzy gains some respect for a fellow monsterfucker.)
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Down (or: How Jack Lost His Izzy-Privileges) by cucumber_of_doom
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
09 Feb 2023
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Summary
The year is 1696 and the legend of Blackbeard is nothing but an idea. After a successful raid, Ed wants some fun with his best mates and Jack takes advantage of opportunities. Izzy just wants Ed to be proud of him.
(Jack makes Izzy piss himself)
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After some failed attempts at getting his boyfriends to get along Edward "Pillow Princess" Teach comes up with a plan that will - hopefully - leave everyone satisfied: Stede gets to feed him a lavish dinner and Izzy gets to make sure that Ed has the best experience possible. Oh. And also Izzy isn't allowed to move or speak at all without being told to.
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“You are pathetic, Bonnet,” he says, willfully ignoring the way his voice is even hoarser than usual. Like he isn’t aching and hard as a rock. “You think that will be enough to make him listen after everything you have done?”
“What will be enough, then?” Bonnet asks, sweeping a few stray hairs out of his face. He looks wrecked already, face flushed and lips wet with spit.
_____________________
After seeking out Stede Bonnet for help Izzy accidentally discovers a way to kill two birds with one stone: make Bonnet understand how much he truly hurt Edward and teach him a thing or two how to properly apologize to him once they catch up with the Revenge.
Recent series
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The Bonds from London by cucumber_of_doom
Fandom: GoldenEye (1995), James Bond (Craig Movies), On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969), SPECTRE (2015)
05 Nov 2020
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Summary
“Sometimes though, cuckoo chicks will push out other eggs and even newborn chicks out of the nest, so the parent will have to focus entirely on them instead.”
Wyll frowned. There was something unpleasant going on in his chest. “Why?”
Ianfir shrugged. “We don’t know. It’s not taught behavior. Cuckoos aren’t raised by their parents after all. It’s likely something innate. Something so primal, that even as a newborn chick, a cuckoo can’t help but knock the other eggs out.”
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Bookmarked by cucumber_of_doom
16 Dec 2024
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Summary
Izzy and Fang do several laps of the ship, with Fang giving Izzy little bits of things off a plate while he’s distracted. Izzy barks at him for it but forgets himself and has a good bite of the egg Fang casually slips into his hand while he is mumbling at the dinghies’ pulleys.
He freezes once he’s realizes what he’s done.
Stede leaps out from the pile of rope he and Lucius were hiding in with a cry of triumph.
“NO,” Izzy says.
“YES,” Stede says, “You’ve been spoiled, Mr. Hands. Put your hands where I can see them.”
(Izzy works himself to the bone through every one of his heats. Stede can't tolerate even the thought, and so sets out to set things to rights by teaching Izzy how to be a good little omega.)
Bookmarked by cucumber_of_doom
05 Dec 2024
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Summary
"I was a pirate, once," he says. Al perks up. She fucking knew it.
"Oh? What was it like?" she asks, trying to keep her tone casual. She sits down next to him, legs crossed.
"It killed me," the man tells her.
Al Bonnet visits the empty inn haunting what used to be The Republic of Pirates, and meets a strange man with a wooden leg.
Bookmarked by cucumber_of_doom
02 Dec 2024
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Summary
'“I just wanted to thank you for–” is all Izzy gets out before Bonnet turns and spears him with a look so odious it burns.
And still, it’s less than he deserves, less than he got from Ed so close to the end.
The crew, none the wiser, ham it up or go about their tasks with all the enthusiasm of a second chance at life. Unable to do either, Izzy upends his mop crutch and does his best to clear the deck of splintered wood and crusted salt and gunpowder.
“Hey, no, no, no.” Fang nags his efforts, dumping armfuls of rotten wood onto Izzy’s tiny pile of dust. “We’ve got this sorted, boss. You get some rest.”
Izzy doesn’t argue. Just limps without thinking and winds up in the same place as always, standing outside of that low door. No longer concealed, it hangs ajar and lit from within, Bonnet’s lantern flickering as he weeps.'
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Or, I heard Archie say: "Can we talk about the fucked up sleeping arrangements?" and immediately wanted to explore how the two crews split rooms on the Revenge.
Bookmarked by cucumber_of_doom
22 Oct 2024
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Summary
After coming across a perfect, horrendous gift for his captain, Izzy decides to do something nice for once in his life. Unfortunately, what he fails to account for is that nobody who resides within the captains' cabin of the Revenge has ever been capable of being normal about anything. Things escalate.
Then things escalate again.
Bookmarked by cucumber_of_doom
09 Oct 2024