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End of the World? Put a Quest on It! by ZehWulf for robinwinged
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV)
01 Jan 2025
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Summary
"Why do you seem so displeased that I’ve broached the subject?” Aziraphale asked warily. “We may not get on, but I’m not suggesting we work together-together. Merely pursue our own lines of inquiry and meet up to exchange information. I think we’ll stand a better chance of finding something if we’re able to supplement any oral histories with archived ones.”
“Yeah, exactly,” Crowley said testily. “That all makes a fantastic amount of sense. I’m pissed because it was supposed to be me asking you to get off your prissy high horse for two seconds to lower yourself to work with me—for the sake of the world,” Crowley bitched.
OR
Two elf mages, both alike in relative lack of dignity, are forced to lay aside a decades-long bitter rivalry to go on a not-so-epic quest to find a book that will, supposedly, help to save the world (someday). A whole lot of tragi-comic arguing and D&D-flavored nonsense ensues.
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Summary
“And this is me,” he said, drawing to a halt in front of the portrait. It didn’t hurt to look upon, anymore. He’d never been so vain that he mourned his previous looks. But, it had been a nasty shock to realize he could no longer visit where he wished, dine as he so chose, be welcome at any public entertainment or meeting of minds. He missed being able to melt into the fray of humanity; just another person enjoying the fruits of human ingenuity and the joy of shared experience.
“Oh, look at you,” Crowley said with damningly polite approval. “Cute, in a cherubic sort of way.” She looked over at him, obviously comparing, and Aziraphale met her scrutiny with a bland expression. “I like the horns,” she decided. “They add character.”
“I’m so glad to meet with your approval,” he said dryly and shrugged. “They’re here to stay, at any rate.”
OR
In which Aziraphale isn’t quite Sleeping Beauty, and Crowley isn’t quite Cinderella, but their lives definitely collide because of some Beauty and the Beast nonsense.
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Once in the weaving room, Aziraphale stepped to the half-done masterpiece to look it over with fresh eyes. There wasn’t really a question that the tapestry had to be Crowley’s answer to the challenge. And now that Aziraphale knew the challenge had been issued by the queen of the fae, some of the emerging iconography became… regrettably clearer.
“Oh, Crowley,” she lamented. “Did you have to insult her quite so thoroughly?”
It was an entirely rhetorical question, because she thought she understood the story Crowley had been starting to tell, the viciously raw truths she was layering so beautifully they were impossible to ignore. And Aziraphale… couldn’t say she disagreed with the point Crowley was attempting to make, even if she thought it was an entirely foolish thing to do.
OR
Aziraphale's life so far has fit the adage "jack of all trades, master of none," which displeases her legacy-obsessed family enough to decide, if she can't achieve mastery of a trade, she must marry a master instead. Emboldened by fear, Aziraphale seeks out the long-lost Starweaver to petition magical assistance. In doing so, she enters into an unusual arrangement.
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Hard to Swallow by ZehWulf
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
21 Jul 2024
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Summary
Today, Aziraphale squinted down at the innocuously unruffled hem of his robes and wondered what, exactly, the day would bring. Crawly slithering under the hem of his robes in such a dainty version of his snake form—long, but barely as thick as Aziraphale’s pinky finger—certainly spelled capital M “Mischief.” Crawly had once confided that being so small was an asset for making discreet trouble, because it was difficult to thwart what you couldn’t easily see.
OR
Tiny snake swallows fat cock, and everyone has a great time precisely because the rituals involved are so intricate.
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Comfort Me with Apples: For I Am Sick of Love by ZehWulf
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
15 May 2024
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Summary
"You know what this is?" he asks, somehow doubtful and hopeful at the same time.
"Course I do! You're just a little randy. Quick spot of onanism will fix you right up," he says with what is possibly too much confidence for someone who's never directly experienced either thing, but Aziraphale seems like he needs to borrow a whole heap of confidence at the moment.
OR
A pair of ineffable, Eden-era turbo virgins get exposed to sex pollen.
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Up to the Hilt by ZehWulf
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
25 Mar 2024
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Summary
Now, when the angel gets a little too tense from the effort of maintaining an appropriate level of interference with his charges in Tadfield, and is tempted to do too much good, he comes to Aziraphale. Because as much as Crowley loves to answer provoking questions and to run his silly mouth in ways that inevitably seem to goose human ingenuity far beyond what Heaven or Hell approve of in such short spans of time… he likes the way Aziraphale helps him bleed off some of his manic intensity even more.
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A decade on from "A Most Holey Summoning (Attempt)," the reverse ineffables get up to some extremely unhinged sexy hijinks.
Series
- Part 2 of The Opposite of a Hole is a Bulge
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Summary
Crowley had ended up doing himself a favor by so quickly pulling together his initial plan to sneak into the estate as a snake, because now it meant he had a little bit more time to play with before Lucifer and the gang got impatient. Still, he didn't have forever to get his assignment done. He needed to build trust between himself and the guardian fast and efficiently if he wanted the addendum to his plan to work. And that meant love bombing.
OR
Crowley's a mage-thief tasked with stealing a Powerful Artifact from some rich arsehole’s walled estate, and the first obstacle is getting past the fearsome beasts guarding the only viable entrances. Luckily, the guardian of the eastern gate seems like a soft touch, and Crowley is very good at shapeshifting, so he's pretty sure he's found his poor bastard of a mark. Things do not go according to plan.
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When Crowley opens the hotel room door and gets a full look at the dom he's hired, his first very uncharitable thought is that this is never going to work.
It's the beaming smile, the untidy mop of cherubic curls, the rather twee outfit. There's an overall aesthetic of a kindly, gay caricature from a vintage greeting card come to life, and nothing about that lines up with the sort of person Crowley's successfully gone under for before.
His second thought is that he knows a lot bloody better than to judge someone's ability to dominate him by looks alone, and that he's only being such a hypocritically judgmental dick because his anxiety's got him doomsdaying everything again—which is why he's hired someone to help him achieve his own version of meditation in the first place.
OR
Crowley's anxiety is interfering with his kink life so badly that he decides to hire a professional dom to help get him into subspace. It goes horribly until it goes absolutely amazing.
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Honey, You've Got a Big Storm Coming by ZehWulf
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
30 Jan 2024
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Summary
It was pure coincidence that the first Saturday they had decided to try the new-ish pop-up market located about halfway between Crowley's Mayfair flat and Aziraphale's SoHo bookshop had also happened to be a day Crowley was feeling comfortable enough to try stepping out in high femme fashion. More like luck of the devil, in Aziraphale's opinion, for how instantaneously things had gone off the rails and wound up with him as both center stage and somehow still the sideshow of a bizarre, one-sided rivalry that is one part morbid fascination, one part whatever the inverse of jealousy is, and an additional seventeen parts of prolonged, blood-pressure aggravating foreplay.
OR
Sometimes, with the way they both present, people don't always clock Aziraphale and Crowley as a couple. And (horny) woe be unto Aziraphale when Crowley figures out how to take advantage of that for both of their amusements.
Series
- Part 10 of The Garden of Delights
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Down a Hole Filled with Hope by ZehWulf for Sass_ishMoon
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
06 Jan 2024
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Summary
Even though Crowley was literally stuck between a rock and a hard place, he knew there were far worse places to start his heat than halfway down a hole in the ground.
OR
Crowley's finally cutting and running from his abusive pack and relationship, and it's just his luck that he's too big now to fit all the way down the tunnel entrance to the old den he fashioned in his much more hopeful, naive youth. But imperfect or not, it's going to have to do for a hiding place until his pack gives up the chase; he just hopes there will still be time after they've moved on to find somewhere else to ride out his heat.
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Summary
Because he was still a little too often inclined to push things to their absolute limit, just to see how far they could stretch before inevitably snapping back to pop him in the eye, Crowley had declared, "Anytime. If you’re feeling randy, I’m your demon."
OR
The Ineffables, learning slowly but surely how to be together and relax in retirement, come up with a new Arrangement.
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Nor Custom Stale Their Infinite Variety by ZehWulf
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
31 Dec 2023
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Summary
Aziraphale stands just outside the edge of the rotunda stall and listens as the others take their turns with the captive. Each person has a slightly different technique for how they approach breaking a captive, although there isn't an expectation for any one to succeed. That's Aziraphale's job, as the designated closer for this particular case. The others are there to help him gather data. And, of course, to indulge themselves.
OR
Aziraphale indulges one of Crowley's long-held consensual non-consent fantasies by organizing an elaborate and challenging encounter followed by a metric ton of aftercare.
Series
- Part 9 of The Garden of Delights
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Summary
The image on the monitor remained static for another minute or so, but then the door to the connected room opened, and the pale, curly-headed figure of Crowley's client—a man who went by Fell at the club—stepped through. As always, he stopped just after closing the door behind him to collect himself, gaze trained on where Crowley's lower half was splayed wide on lewd display. There was a whole ritual of straightening cuffs and waist coat and shifting his weight that he would go through before approaching.
Crowley felt their lingering scowl soften as they watched with vague fondness as he worked himself through the motions. At first, they'd wondered if the whole process was some sort of pre-sex psych-up, or a fussy-looking-middle-aged man version of reflexive peacocking. But, Fell had been requesting them for long enough by now that they'd been able to observe the way things evolved over time: the gestures loosening up, the amount of time spent shortening.
The poor bastard was just anxious.
OR
Crowley works part time as a sex worker at a club, and one of their favorite, most baffling clients comes in looking like he's had just as bad a day as they have.
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Coming to the End of Your Rope (and Tying a Knot to Hang On) by ZehWulf
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
14 Dec 2023
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Summary
Angel rounds the corner into his bedroom and draws up short.
There's a person in his bed.
More accurately, there's a person tied down to his bed: wrists and ankles lashed tight in two bow-wrapped bundles pinned to the metal frame so their body is stretched long like an exclamation point. Two lengths of soft-looking black rope shot through with a single strand of red have been wrapped around their upper torso and hips and tied in place with prominent bows as well. They're fitted with a rufter hood and gagged, and something gold glints at the front of the slender black ribbon tied around their neck.
"Oh," he breathes low, "you're finally here. My helpmate."
OR
Angel and Serpent arrange for an emotionally intense consensual non-consent role play encounter that ends up being more than either of them bargained for. The final part of the main story arc of the Garden of Delights series.
Series
- Part 8 of The Garden of Delights
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In the Water So Deep by SmutKeeper, ZehWulf
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
31 Oct 2023
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Summary
All sirens are beautiful, by cunning nature, but this one seems tailor made for Crowley's ruin, from the softly sly shape of his mouth, the sturdy breadth of his well-padded shoulders, and the thick fingers gripping Crowley high up on his thigh with a firmness that will only hurt if he tries to wriggle away. The siren's eyes and skin have a faint, pearlescent sheen, and his damp, white-blond curls fairly glow in the sunlight reflected off the water.
Crowley stares, the heady swoop of laying eyes on someone dead gorgeous at war with the sinking dread of realizing he's looking death in the face.
OR
Crowley narrowly escapes his former ship with his life and ends up in the thrall of a passing siren who likes to play with his food. [A Dead Dove: Do Not Eat non-con fic]
Series
- Part 2 of Siren Says: Trick or Treat
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Song of Life by SightKeeper (GarrulousGibberish), ZehWulf
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
31 Oct 2023
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Summary
Aziraphale's run across humans who sing well enough to rival a siren before, but never like this. The other singers had been able to match his kind for purity of tone, for command of the melody, for all the mesmerizing ways pitch can be manipulated to dazzle and entrance the senses. But never before has he heard a human sing in a way that both communicates what the singer is feeling so effectively and so temptingly persuades the listener to feel it in kind.
That the pirate is managing while sounding a bit like an overeager albatross mid clacking, shriek-croaking courtship display is truly spectacular.
OR
Mythologists hate him! Local pirate accidentally discovers this One Weird Trick to seducing a siren while fall-down drunk.
Series
- Part 1 of Siren Says: Trick or Treat
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Thrust Fall by ZehWulf
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
11 Oct 2023
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Summary
Crowley blinked and frowned. "Wait, hold on, I'm starting to think we're talking about you having to pay someone to give you a good buggering without accusing you of being a complete pillow princess. But that couldn't possibly be right."
Aziraphale's eyes narrowed dangerously, like he thought Crowley was about to say something very stupid in reply when he asked, "And why is that?"
Crowley shrugged awkwardly, feeling a little caught out, because maybe it was a little stupid, if you weren't living full-time in their obsessed little brain. "Well," they stalled, but Aziraphale's expression was only getting more forbidding, and if they were going to be in trouble, they wanted it to be for something they actually said, not just something Aziraphale thought they were going to say, so they finished, lamely, "who wouldn't want to fuck you nice like that?"
OR
Aziraphale's usual masseur is out sick, and Crowley decides to tempt him into letting them be his knight in shining strap-on.
Series
- Part 7 of The Garden of Delights
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A Mouthwatering Spread by ZehWulf
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
05 Oct 2023
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Summary
He looks up and sees Crowely lounging in their chair with all apparent comfort, looking interested and without a hint of impatience in their relaxed brow and faintly curling mouth. Like they really are content to just sit and watch him eat and talk awhile, without expectation, just as they said. And it's always nicer to dine with good company, especially when he's trying something new. He even has a fair idea of how Crowley will react to his excited prattling; they were such a good sport during the orgy, after all. So, he takes another sip of wine and lets himself consider how he might feel, if he were to ask them to stay, whether just as polite company or with that tantalizing something more.
OR
Aziraphale and Crowley run into each other in the Feasting Grotto, where Aziraphale's set to enjoy a chef's tasting. Things get both out of hand and under the table.
Series
- Part 6 of The Garden of Delights
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A Most Holey Summoning (Attempt) by ZehWulf
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
28 Sep 2023
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Summary
This time, there was a long, skinny leg clad in skin-tight black jeans sticking out his ceiling, along with the lower part of an arsecheek. From the angle the leg was hanging in the air, kicking fitfully, it looked like they'd maybe learned enough of a lesson not to lean over the summoning circle too far, but hadn't backed away enough to avoid having their feet swept out from under them.
"This is ridiculous," he told their leg severely and then, with a huff, laid his sword on the lip of a shelf not too overflowing with books to hold it, and fetched over the ladder.
OR
Aziraphale really wishes whatever mystery angel keeps trying to summon him and getting parts of themselves stuck in his ceiling by mistake would leave him alone before he starts getting ideas. Crowley wishes that weird demon he's heard loves humanity would answer his damn summons already, because Armageddon is coming and he has no idea who else to ask for help.
Series
- Part 1 of The Opposite of a Hole is a Bulge
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Dream a Little Dream of Me by ZehWulf
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
12 Sep 2023
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Summary
Every time his imagination dares to tread down such soft, domestic avenues, he gives himself a mental shake and a stern reminder about boundaries and the importance of not missing out on the Very Good Thing in front of you by constantly wishing for something slightly different. Crowley made it clear from the outset they're looking for good sex, for fun, not companionship. And the sex is, to be frank, some of the best Aziraphale's had with a new partner in a long, long time.
A distraction, he decides, is in order.
OR
Aziraphale has an ill-advised crush on his new play partner at the sex club, Crowley. He decides to take his mind off it by arranging for an intense consensual non-consent somnophilia encounter with his new, anonymous play partner in the Forbidden Fantasies grotto, Serpent. (Lol)
Series
- Part 5 of The Garden of Delights