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  1. Public Bookmark 35

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    Summary

    After revealing to his ex-wife that he has a boyfriend, Stede ends up promising to bring him to the Christmas Eve dinner they always have together – Stede, Mary, her new husband, and the kids.

    Problem is, it's a lie. Stede has never been more single. And now, he needs a plan. Or rather, four plans.

    Plan A: Find a boyfriend before Christmas Eve.
    Plan B: Find someone to pretend to be his boyfriend before Christmas Eve (Lucius will jump in, if necessary, but Mary sort of knows him, so it's not ideal).
    Plan C: Pretend to break up with non-existent boyfriend right before Christmas Eve. The pros are possible sympathy points, the cons are the non-zero chances that Mary will figure out there never was a boyfriend in the first place.
    Plan D: Come clean.

    Stede really doesn't want to do plan D.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    23,805
    Chapters:
    6/7
    Comments:
    157
    Kudos:
    197
    Bookmarks:
    35
    Hits:
    2,224

    08 Dec 2024

  2. Public Bookmark 38

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    Summary

    Ed Teach is in his hometown of Revenge, New York, visiting his mom over the Christmas holiday. This Christmas was supposed to be different — he’d finally gotten a boyfriend and could stop his mom’s worrying about how alone he was.

    Then Ed had walked in on Jack, balls deep inside of someone else in Ed’s bed, when he came home early the night before their train home.

     

    Merry Fucking Christmas to me.

     

    While Ed is trying to figure out how to walk back an out-and-out lie about having a boyfriend, he runs into former classmate Stede Bonnet — a certified snack who Ed had his eye on back in the day, but the rules of high school were very clear: goths and jocks don’t mix. Not even dorky, sexy jocks.

    When Stede hears about Ed's dilemma, he offers a solution to both their problems:

    Pretend to date and get their families off of their backs.

     

    Christmas Gentlebeard fluff featuring heavy mutual pining, fake dating, horrifically Down Bad Ed Teach, and other tropes

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,738
    Chapters:
    4/9
    Comments:
    155
    Kudos:
    192
    Bookmarks:
    38
    Hits:
    1,633

    08 Dec 2024

  3. Public Bookmark 22

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    Summary

    Ed finds Stede's journal, describing all the things he wants to learn about sex between men but doesn't dare ask about. Ed, of course, feels he's the exact right person to offer practical demonstrations on the subject.

    ~~~~~

    A season 1 canon-divergence AU set after The Art of Fuckery

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,084
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    55
    Kudos:
    175
    Bookmarks:
    22
    Hits:
    1,021

    03 Dec 2024

  4. Public Bookmark 18

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    Summary

    Stede rises with the sun.

    It’s going to be a beautiful day. He can tell, with the sun radiating through the windows and warming their already sleepwarm bed. They’ll do something fun, go to market and shop around or down to the ocean to take a dip. They’ll spend time together. They’ll talk. They always talk. 

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,070
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    73
    Kudos:
    152
    Bookmarks:
    18
    Hits:
    873

    10 Nov 2024

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    On nights like these, the world tilts into something softer, something pleasure-drenched and golden. Ed's mind is calm, and Stede is the only thing he can remember.

    Bliss.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,909
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    85
    Kudos:
    735
    Bookmarks:
    130
    Hits:
    7,345

    07 Nov 2024

  6. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    The night Stede has sex for the first time, he is twenty years old and lost in a sea of college-aged horniness and beer-soaked misadventures. The frat party is obnoxious. The boy is fucking beautiful.

    The sex is decidedly awkward.

    Twenty years later, Ed's fucking tired of dating apps—until he comes across an oddly familiar face.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,473
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    118
    Kudos:
    579
    Bookmarks:
    109
    Hits:
    2,560

    05 Nov 2024

  7. Public Bookmark 15

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    Summary

    There was a reason Ed never helped with their garden. Not because he didn’t like getting dirt beneath his nails, or the sun beating down on him for too long, or his knee throwing a damn fit if he squatted too much. All perfectly solid reasons, but no—it was something a little more…well…

    Ed gets a little more than worked up watching Stede garden, and goes outside to offer him a break. Yeah. Just a little break.

    Written for Day 25 of OFMD Kinktober: "Take what you need."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,987
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    36
    Kudos:
    97
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    857

    28 Oct 2024

  8. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “The fuck?” Ed manages, instantly getting his foot stuck in a nearby bucket.

    “Sh-shh!” Stede pushes two fingers against his lips to shut him up.

    Ed goes still and a bit cross-eyed, staring down at the hand on his mouth. Stede moves it away, with a mouthed “sorry!” focusing intently on the sounds outside the shed instead.

    In the alley, hurried steps and shouting voices rush past; they catch fragments of: “Where the fuck did they go then?” or “Keep looking!” and even “The short one looks like a bloody birthday cake, how do you lose that—”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,226
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    13
    Comments:
    944
    Kudos:
    24,278
    Bookmarks:
    3,718
    Hits:
    169,341

    26 Oct 2024

  9. Public Bookmark 8

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    Summary

    Gotcha for Gaza #114, prompt fill for anonymous.

    Link to request:
    https://ourflagmeanskink.dreamwidth.org/1727.html?thread=1476031#cmt1476031

    Prompt: Wee John wasn’t gassy every night (thank god), some nights Stede and Ed got to the good part in his dream. And by good part, he means the kissing, because his brain just didn’t have a visual for what he might want to do to Ed, or have Ed do to him. On those nights, Stede would wake up unbelievably horny and his messages in a bottle would be quite different. Ed finds one of those notes washed up on shore one day and gets quite turned on while reading it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,179
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    68
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    350

    15 Oct 2024

  10. Public Bookmark 19

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    Summary

    Ed is truly God's strongest soldier.

    The bathroom is a fucking sanctuary—filled with the soft glow of candlelight flickering against the walls and casting shadows that dance like restless spirits. Once the bath is full of steaming hot water and opal soap bubbles, he shucks off his jacket and gloves, tossing everything aside on the chair.

    “Right then…”

    His heart pounds against his ribs as he sets to work unfastening the satin buttons of the fall front on Stede’s breeches. There is no hope of making eye contact now—yet alone formulating coherent sentences; Ed’s sure he’d burst into flame. Instead, he focuses. He focuses on undressing this broad, freckled, kissable, stabbed up lunatic.

     

    For Our Flag Means Death Kinktober 2024 day 6: frottage // bathing, grooming // “doesn’t that feel good?”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,018
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    130
    Bookmarks:
    19
    Hits:
    694

    08 Oct 2024

  11. Public Bookmark 29

    Tags
    Summary

    Inspired by Rysi's incredible art, post-canon Stede gets fingered into oblivion.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,348
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    237
    Bookmarks:
    29
    Hits:
    1,459

    25 Sep 2024

  12. Public Bookmark 25

    Tags
    Summary

    How Stede and Ed spent the afternoon between the market and the start of Calypso's birthday party.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,634
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    45
    Kudos:
    147
    Bookmarks:
    25
    Hits:
    1,044

    22 Sep 2024

  13. Public Bookmark 20

    Tags
    Summary

    Stede’s gotten distracted on his way out of the bath again.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,649
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    208
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    1,062

    18 Sep 2024

  14. Public Bookmark 57

    Tags
    Summary

    Ed asks Stede a question. It makes him stop and think.

    (and then they fuck about it)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,700
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    49
    Kudos:
    299
    Bookmarks:
    57
    Hits:
    1,783

    13 Sep 2024

  15. Public Bookmark 66

    Tags
    Summary

    “You’re sweet, Stede,” Ed tells him. “I’ll do it.”

    “I’m sorry?”

    “I’ll do it. I’ll marry you.”

    Stede’s mouth falls open, because there’s absolutely no fucking way this is happening to him, and yet—

    And yet, Ed says: I’ll marry you, and it feels like a lifeline.

    “You’re serious?” Stede asks. “You really want to do this?”

    Stede doesn’t expect the beautiful stranger across the bar to say Yes when he asks to fake marry him. He also doesn’t expect to become fake fiancés with benefits, but it seems like they’re both going to get more out of this than they could ever have hoped for.

    The only thing is, Stede always thought that when he did marry, it could be for love.

    Maybe one day, it will be.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    55,209
    Chapters:
    4/8
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    257
    Kudos:
    253
    Bookmarks:
    66
    Hits:
    4,788

    18 Aug 2024

  16. Public Bookmark 26

    Tags
    Summary

    What if Ned Low hadn’t gatecrashed Calypso’s birthday? What if Ed and Stede had gotten to have that dance? Let’s see, shall we?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,581
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    44
    Kudos:
    189
    Bookmarks:
    26
    Hits:
    1,270

    13 Aug 2024

  17. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Come to karaoke, Lucius had said. It’s a good crew of regulars, he’d said. It’s not officially a queer bar but it’s definitely a queer bar, he’d said.

    One of my friends is one of the most beautiful men on the planet was definitely not one of the phrases he’d used to try and convince Stede to come. Might have achieved his desired outcome a little faster if that had been part of his proposal.

     

    or: eight times Ed and Stede don't have sex after Friday Night Karaoke at Jackie'z, and one time they absolutely, definitely do.

    or: karaoke sex chicken: the not quite musical

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,481
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    108
    Kudos:
    448
    Bookmarks:
    110
    Hits:
    2,938

    11 Aug 2024

  18. Public Bookmark 67

    Tags
    Summary

    Stede's offer to be the parent chaperone for the school car wash is... not exactly what he expects.

    (Meanwhile Ed's brain is entirely sirens and lights that flash the color of Stede's shorts)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,772
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    99
    Kudos:
    435
    Bookmarks:
    67
    Hits:
    2,156

    09 Aug 2024

  19. Public Bookmark 78

    Tags
    Summary

    New(ish)ly divorced Stede Bonnet becomes obsessed with a mysterious bust in a local museum's piracy exhibit. Exhibit curator Ed Teach becomes obsessed with 'The Bust Guy' who comes in to see it almost every day. Together they just might solve the mystery of the bust's origin and discover a few things about themselves along the way.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    22,412
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    144
    Kudos:
    334
    Bookmarks:
    78
    Hits:
    3,393

    26 Jul 2024

  20. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Ed Teach is a brilliant engineer whose job is taking him halfway around the world for the next six months. Stede Bonnet is in the throes of a midlife crisis, just divorced from his wife and leaving his father's business. When a laundry delivery service mixes up their addresses and leads to a passionate night together, these two wonder if they can build a relationship together long-distance, or if their feelings for each other will come out in the wash.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    91,893
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    1,224
    Kudos:
    1,008
    Bookmarks:
    294
    Hits:
    19,352

    07 Jul 2024

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