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Ed Teach is in his hometown of Revenge, New York, visiting his mom over the Christmas holiday. This Christmas was supposed to be different — he’d finally gotten a boyfriend and could stop his mom’s worrying about how alone he was.
Then Ed had walked in on Jack, balls deep inside of someone else in Ed’s bed, when he came home early the night before their train home.
Merry Fucking Christmas to me.
While Ed is trying to figure out how to walk back an out-and-out lie about having a boyfriend, he runs into former classmate Stede Bonnet — a certified snack who Ed had his eye on back in the day, but the rules of high school were very clear: goths and jocks don’t mix. Not even dorky, sexy jocks.
When Stede hears about Ed's dilemma, he offers a solution to both their problems:
Pretend to date and get their families off of their backs.
Christmas Gentlebeard fluff featuring heavy mutual pining, fake dating, horrifically Down Bad Ed Teach, and other tropes
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[Podfic] The Midnight Cafe by Karawrites and Deanbird by littlefingies
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
11 Dec 2024
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It’s like a shining fucking beacon, glowing through the cold night. The warm air inside makes the windows a little foggy, the lights skewing even more orange. Above the door swings a neon sign, lit up in warm tones.
The Midnight Cafe.
Well, shit. That’s a new one.
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Novelist Ed Teach, author of The Art of Fuckery, doesn’t expect to bump into a fan when he joins the host of regulars at The Midnight Cafe.
Worse, Stede Bonnet doesn’t seem to realise who he is.
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“Eight chapters, eight romance tropes. One swoonworthy ride.” - The Revenge Times
“Percolated perfection of love and joy. A sweet treat for your eyeballs.” - SJ Publishing
“It’s fine, I guess, if you like two-person love triangles.” - Nigel Badminton, Critic
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podfic of "The Long Gap" By dean bird by 1happydaiz_pod (1happydaiz), Kninjaknitter
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
10 Nov 2024
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The sidewalk is a little less even here, built with large slabs of shale rather than the curated concrete of main street. He picks his way towards the park, admiring the older houses built here with stone foundations, and some with shale shingles on the roof.
And then he hears a strange sound, sort of electrical? He thinks?
He walks a little farther down and realizes the sound is echoing out from an old Victorian style townhouse that looks incredibly run down. The beeping continues as he draws closer. Intrigued, Ed pulls up his phone camera and starts recording.
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Ed finds a strange house blaring Morse code out into the neighborhood. Is pandemic isolation driving him crazy, or is there actually someone sending messages by telegraph in the year 2020?
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Stede nodded as Jeffrey talked. “So, he left me something?” he asked.
“Actually, he left you all he had,” said Jeffrey.
Stede gasped. “Everything?”
“Yes. Well, everything for him wasn’t much,” Jeffrey said in an attempt to not get Stede’s hopes up too high. “Well, would you like to know what you’ve inherited?”
“Sure,” said Stede. “Lay it on me.”
“Congratulations, Stede. You’re now the proud owner of your very own farm!”
OR
Stede inherits a farm from his grandfather, moves to the farm, makes friends, and falls in love. A Stardew Valley AU.
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The sidewalk is a little less even here, built with large slabs of shale rather than the curated concrete of main street. He picks his way towards the park, admiring the older houses built here with stone foundations, and some with shale shingles on the roof.
And then he hears a strange sound, sort of electrical? He thinks?
He walks a little farther down and realizes the sound is echoing out from an old Victorian style townhouse that looks incredibly run down. The beeping continues as he draws closer. Intrigued, Ed pulls up his phone camera and starts recording.
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Ed finds a strange house blaring Morse code out into the neighborhood. Is pandemic isolation driving him crazy, or is there actually someone sending messages by telegraph in the year 2020?
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Ed’s voice is honeyed as she simpers over the line in reply. “It essentially comes down to absolutely none of the scene being workable. And I’m just at such a loss about why.”
“Ed–” Stede’s breath catches at the playful tone and she glances around herself before she moves deeper into the empty aisle, speaking in something barely over a whisper. “For one thing, at one point there were at least six arms between the two of them, if not more. And that position is completely impractical.”
Ed lets out a low noise that has Stede biting her lip as the heat in her belly builds. “Oh, I don’t know about that. It seems pretty fucking practical and entirely possible right now. But maybe I could workshop it with you. You know, make sure it flows and makes sense to readers. I do only have two hands, after all, and they’re both quite occupied.”
day 15 of kinktober: phone sex | semi-public | "do that again"
Series
- Part 3 of lavender menace
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Podfic of "Finding Mr Write" by queenbee42 by 1happydaiz_pod (1happydaiz)
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
13 Oct 2024
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OFMD AUpril Prompt for April 25: "Romance Author", mixing in a bit of April 23's "Podcast" prompt for a bit of extra flavor.
---At his editor's suggestion, author of queer romances Ed Teach decides to rent a desk one day a week at a quiet co-working space so he can focus on his manuscripts.
A distractingly cute blond also comes in on Fridays, spending most of his time in one of the recording booths. They strike up a friendship, and Ed’s having the time of his life. And maybe it's a bit of a crush, but that's Ed's business. He doesn't think he's Stede's type, after all.
Then Ed realizes how much Stede has helped him while he finishes his book.
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Ed has a major case of writer's block.
Stede has new lingerie.
Motivation ensues.
Series
- Part 3 of The Sun of Venice
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Stede and Ed have run off to Stede's place after an incredibly eventful first meeting. They continue to be totally chill and normal about each other... just two women chilling in a bathtub after the most intense sexual experience either of them had ever experienced (because they're super gay)
day 6 of kinktober: frottage | grooming/bathing | "doesn't that feel good?"
Series
- Part 2 of lavender menace
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Stede sends one of the most terrifying e-mails of his life on a Friday, and he regrets most of his choices as soon as he hits Send.
Look, he’s the secretary for the Society for Antiquities, but that doesn’t mean he should use the Society’s official e-mail address to send a lengthy note to his favourite author’s publisher, pointing out historical inaccuracies in their latest novel.Stede’s life changes drastically when he sends an e-mail to Hornigold Publishing about Edward Teach’s latest novel Over the Rainbow.
A remix of ClaireGregory’s fic In Ruins.
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There's a new app on the market that allows users to mark themselves as online and have other users (either with a passcode or total strangers) control their wearable sex toys. Should Ed have decided to try it out the morning she is supposed to be making her way to join her manager for a meeting with a potential new editor? Of course not, but Ed's never exactly been known for her impulse control - plus, it's not like anyone is going to know Ed's wearing a remote control vibrator. It's not like she's going to forget to turn it off before the meeting.
This has absolutely no chance of backfiring.
day three of kinktober: remote control device | "more."
Series
- Part 1 of lavender menace
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podfic of "Checking Out an HEA" By Permanent_Ink by Kninjaknitter
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
25 Sep 2024
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Summary
By day Stede Bonnet is the local outreach librarian who drives the bookmobile. By night he's an aspiring romance author.
He doesn't know that his beta reader he met online is none other than reclusive queer historical romance author who is known only to his readers as Blackbeard.
And then a very attractive man named Ed shows up at the right moment and becomes his friend, then his coworker, then maybe more?
A library AU with a dash of You've Got Mail
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Summary
Wanting to impress his boyfriend, Ed buys a lingerie set on-line. That's it, that's the story.
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Summary
It’s like a shining fucking beacon, glowing through the cold night. The warm air inside makes the windows a little foggy, the lights skewing even more orange. Above the door swings a neon sign, lit up in warm tones.
The Midnight Cafe.
Well, shit. That’s a new one.
~
Novelist Ed Teach, author of The Art of Fuckery, doesn’t expect to bump into a fan when he joins the host of regulars at The Midnight Cafe.
Worse, Stede Bonnet doesn’t seem to realise who he is.
~
“Eight chapters, eight romance tropes. One swoonworthy ride.” - The Revenge Times
“Percolated perfection of love and joy. A sweet treat for your eyeballs.” - SJ Publishing
“It’s fine, I guess, if you like two-person love triangles.” - Nigel Badminton, Critic
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Tags
Summary
This is it, Ed’s up early, he’s going to get his morning pages written. Break up the uzhe; don’t sleep in, don’t stay up late, don’t wait until all the research is done.
Though he does need way less research these days. He’s been writing about pirates for a decade, he knows them and their ships down to their bones—and bellies.
Romance, though...
He’ll need some research for that. There’s certainly nothing you could call romance in his own life.
If he’s going to give his two most popular characters, Jeff and Bartholomew, a fluffy story, a hot story, he’ll need inspiration.
Series
- Part 2 of The Sun of Venice
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Summary
A man stood before the printer.
No, that wasn’t right. “Man” served to define the heavy mouthbreathers pounding it out at the hotel gym. This was no mere man.
Unholy was the next word that flitted through his addled mind.
But that wasn’t right, either. There was nothing unholy or holy about the vision before him.
Dreamlike fit better. His colours did not match Stede’s dream at all, given that he was swathed in leather and that his hair was a cloud of silver and sable curls. Yet, even at first glance, even though Stede had only clocked his profile, he knew that every aspect of the sight before him matched his waking dreams.
He’d never mentioned leather and long hair to anyone, not even Lucius, his assistant at the bookshop he’d opened following his father’s death, his divorce, and his slow awakenings. Lucius came closest to a best friend, and even he had no idea that, a few months ago, Stede had discovered an author called Blackbeard, taken one glimpse of the photo on the book jacket, and fallen head over heels in—
Love.
And now Blackbeard was here. Standing before him. Looking at the lingerie photos Stede had printed.
Series
- Part 1 of The Sun of Venice
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Summary
Едвард Тіч – письменник-фантаст, що страждає на біполярний розлад. Під час чергового маніакального епізоду йому в голову приходить блискуча ідея, а саме, відправитись на інший край світу з метою здійснення автомобільної подорожі. Для Іззі Гендса, що все своє свідоме життя є кращим другом, редактором і ходячою системою життєзабезпечення Едварда, ця новина як здрастє серед ночі. В прямому сенсі цього слова. Зрештою, як і завжди.
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“It’s one of the first books I can remember being read by my mum. I always thought she looked like the teacher at the end, if she was wearing her glasses.” Ed doesn’t lie about this part, candidly offering a nugget of information up. Stede is still listening, so Ed continues.
“Love the art, too. Bright.” Ed shuts his mouth now, realizing he’d rather it be Stede’s turn to talk.
“That sounds lovely, Ed. I love hearing stories like that. Aren’t these books wonderful?” Stede sounds just like a kiwi Mr. Rogers. Ed’s heart is about to beat out of his chest.
___
Edward Teach (E.T Blackbeard) is a well known and respected author who changed the game for the thriller/horror genre about 15 years ago with his debut book "Sacrilege", earning him a permanent spot on the NYT best-sellers list. Despite his success, he is burnt out. He's ready to give it all up when he meets Stede Bonnet, an elementary school teacher with a passion for literature, who shows him there is more to life than the daily grind of write, publish, repeat.
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Podfic of "Smash That Like Button" by passingfair by Kninjaknitter
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
14 Apr 2024
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Ed and Stede have been dating long distance for months now and Ed's ready to be closer. Time for our two idiots to figure out how to navigate living together and merging their lives amidst the trappings of daily life.
Run Time of "Smash that like button" Playlist is 3:28:24
Series
- Part 2 of Like and Subscribe "Verse
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It takes Stede a moment to notice, then another moment to realize what he’s noticed, and he can’t seem to help the small, soft oh of surprise that he gives.
“You’re Edward Teach,” he says, and good lord if Ed doesn’t fall even further into the warmth of their shared secret. “You wrote The Thatch Chronicles.”