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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Why is the first Sunday of Advent called the Sunday of the Patriarchs? It's not as if the Bible doesn't discuss Jesus's foremothers as well as his forefathers.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,630
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Kudos:
    1
    Hits:
    14
  2. Tags
    Summary

    In this short book I chronicle how Muhammad ibn Abdullah, a regular devout Arab man of his time, became a Messenger of Allah and ultimately King of Arabia. This book does not follow traditional Islamic history faithfully as I believe in several respects that history is wrong and was later pieced together to give legitimacy to groups and Dynasties that came after Muhammad and reshaped the movement he started. Rather I believe Muhammad lived and died a Jewish Christian, led a Jewish Christian movement that taught equality, respect for and care of the poor, needy, and nonhuman life, and waged a war against an uncle who, due to greed and love of power, wanted to wipe him and his movement to fight injustice from Arabian soil.
    In this war Muhammad joined forces with the Pendragon Dynasty, the ruling family in Arabia at that time, and together with Constantine II Pendragon, the Messenger of Allah fought to save Arabia from a corrupt man.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,127
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Kudos:
    2
    Hits:
    85
  3. Tags
    Summary

    This is literally the bible, just translated into the “poggers innit fam” language, verse by verse (for a joke). And yeeeaaahhhh I found it funny having to do the archive warnings bit and realising “oh shit the bible do be like that lol”.

    I’ll be trying to make 1 chapter per day! Wish me luck! >w<

    As for the archive warnings, I will also put a warning at the top of any chapter containing that sort of stuff.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,733
    Chapters:
    14/50
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    39
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    585
  4. Tags
    Summary

    What happens when the most powerful way to show your love and devotion is to—sacrifice your child?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,057
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    8
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    160
  5. Tags
    Summary

    I have religious trauma and like the Omegaverse so you all get to enjoy this parody of the Bible written as if it was set in the omegaverse. Do with it what you will, if you start a church with it I call being the Pope.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,177
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    76
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    907
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Continuing on with the book of Genesis, we now have reached the patriarchal tradition! We will explore the lives of the Patriarchs such as Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and the Joseph Saga all the way up until just before Moshe!

    Sit back, enjoy the ride, cause characters are gonna CHARACTER and explore some VERY fun stuff. Also, a demon possession is somewhere in there (it's planned for a bit later in though :p, so I'll add that when we get there).

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,531
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Kudos:
    2
    Hits:
    86
  7. Tags
    Summary

    In the Early Middle Ages, not long after the beginning of The Arrangement, a desperate and injured Crowley is on the run from a righteous demon hunter. How will Aziraphale save his life?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,132
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    97
    Kudos:
    182
    Bookmarks:
    30
    Hits:
    2,610
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Abraham has two sons. One by Hagur, his servant. The other is Isaac, from Sarah. One he sends away, and the other, he is asked to sacrifice. Both he agrees without question. Our favorite Demon and Angel duo are not so sure.

    Or, Crowley does something good (Twice!!!!1!), Aziraphale has a crisis of faith for the millionth time this century, a child is almost sacrificed, and Aziraphale and Crowley debate the Ineffable Plan... again.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,583
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    25
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    182
  9. Tags
    Summary

    How can a family live when their child is demanded for the altar?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    397
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    16
    Hits:
    69
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Sometimes you make something and you're just really not happy with how it turns out. This is a story about one such instance.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,349
    Chapters:
    26/50
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    6
    Hits:
    268
  11. Tags
    Summary

    “Wait, they’re not taking the donkey with them?” asked the snake. “Are they not offering it up?”

    “Donkeys aren’t standard sacrificial fare,” said the angel. “They’re unclean.”

    “I’m well aware. But they didn’t bring any other animals with them, and I highly doubt His Holiness will be happy with fruit and veg—you remember what happened to Cain. So what’re they sacrificing?”

     

    Aziraphale has a surprise crisis of faith while watching the patriarch of Israel perform a sacrifice. Crawly tags along.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,084
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    78
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    422
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Judge gets invited to a Supervillain Convention.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,008
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    369
  13. Tags
    Summary

    So… I’m rewriting the bible

    Quick disclaimer, I don’t mean this rewrite to come across as offensive at all. I’m not changing any of the events taken place in the bible, just rewriting it and making it funnier

    I will say, however, if you’re sensitive to the topic for whatever reason, I’m not forcing you to read this. Just go read something else

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,496
    Chapters:
    11/52
    Comments:
    34
    Kudos:
    60
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    721
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Philip Crackibane goes outside and finds Evelyns special brownies she drops on her way back to the boiling isles and he starts hallucinating and shit. He’s down bad HORRENDOUSLY for jesus in this story too.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,276
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    306
  15. Tags
    Summary

    God has had a myriad of followers.

     

    Many have worshipped him for he brought life and peaceful death to believers. He rightfully punished sinners, not allowing the consequences to go unnoticed by future generations.

     

    But what happens when all of his people are enslaved, forced into labour due to his Prophet of Dreams who stole their humanity?

     

    What happens when his eyes falter on one princely individual, raised by the enemy but radiated integrity and wit?

     

    ——————

     

    Or; God is head over heels for Moses but he has past issues and Moses is very self degrading.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,152
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    32
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    346
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Jesus knew he had to die. But why now, when he had found this brilliant happiness with Judas? Surely his father could not be so cruel...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,007
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    86
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    1,039
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Who would leave their son out in the sun?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,463
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    12
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    123
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Or, to be more precise, here are some thoughts regarding Cartman's fixation with Abraham.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,640
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    30
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    376
  19. Tags
    Summary

    "Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of."

    King James Version, Genesis 22:2

    It was so that God commanded, and it was so that Abraham was bound by his faith to carry out the deed.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,286
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    23
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    302
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Crawly helps Aziraphale stuff a ram into some bushes.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    641
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    25
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    150

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