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Summary
In which an ordinary cruise ship is beset by time travelers; Five wishes his boss would leave him alone; Lila goes out for ice cream with her mother; and the Handler effortlessly executes a precarious work-life balancing act.
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He Sleeps with the Fishes: The Hoffa Job by Stephsageek
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
21 Oct 2024
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Living outside of normal space-time, partners and temporal assassins Lila Pitts and Number Five Hargreeves, have been together for years, dealing with murder, mayhem, math, and the machinations of not only the Handler but of the board of directors themselves.
One day, our anti-heroes find themselves tasked with their latest mission: assassinate well-known historical figure and urban legend, Jimmy Hoffa.
How hard can it be to get rid of one washed-up, corrupt former teamster?
Turns out, pretty hard when the mob, a pair of hitmen, the FBI, and a jilted former mistress are all after him too.
Oh, and let's not forget the sea monster.
Series
- Part 4 of Partners in Time
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Just like a prayer, you know I'll take you there by Risaspring
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV), The Umbrella Academy (Comics)
11 Oct 2024
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Five Hargreeves didn't realize that while saving the world, he regained some of his humanity with it.
AKA
The Umbrella Academy Season 4 rewrite because that ending was ass.
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How can the light that burned so brightly suddenly burn so pale? [ON HIATUS] by Gilded_Ghost
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
26 Sep 2024
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[Im not currently working on this fic. Please note that the second chapter is an author’s note, and several of the tags listed are not relevant yet.]
Five heard a ding, and his siblings around him. God, wherever he was was really fucking dark.
None of his siblings seemed to be having any trouble. Surely even the thickest of them would have mentioned the dark by now.
That meant the problem was on his end.
OR
When the Umbrellas plus Ben step out of the elevator at the end of season three, Five is blind. Which Five is fine with. He’s dealt with everything else, after all. Right?
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This is not my first time fic writing, but it is my first time writing something I deem AO3-worthy!
Title is a lyric from Bright Eyes by Art Garfunkel
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Derek was starting to think he should have expected this when he agreed to partner with Agent Five Hargreeves. But he was in too deep now to back out. Even though Five had just vanished into thin air and reappeared within seconds and was refusing to explain to Derek how.
"What did it look like, Derek?" Five asks in a sarcastic tone that seems like, 'You're being dumb, and I don't cause I'm smarter,' but Derek knows it means, 'I don't want to answer, and you will have to fuck around and find out.'
He fucking hates Five Hargreeves.
Or, what if Derek wasn't leaving the room when Five's powers gapped?
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That’s how he found her. Crouching at the window from the fire escape, she glanced around the space, breath held hesitantly, waiting at the edge before she fully entered.
Five would like to say that, for everything he had planned out, this wasn’t anything remotely close to what he’d been expecting.
Following Five throughout TUA, with someone there to keep him from stabbing anyone (too badly) or neglecting every aspect of his health (sort of).
Okay, it’s more of a relatively feral teenager throwing granola bars at him and calling him an asshole whilst bandaging bullet wounds. But it’s not like any other dynamic here is seriously weirder.
Drabbles anywhere from 500-1800ish words. This started out as a writing exercise and then I had way too much fun with it. I hope you enjoy!
(9/2024 Update: So, season 4 was a dumpster fire. Since I don't hate these characters and actually want to give them character arcs they deserve and not do whatever the fuck Blackman tried, I'll be rewriting s4 when we get there).
Series
- Part 2 of Through Threads of Time
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the only friend that makes you cry by SyntheticRevenge
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
09 Sep 2024
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The train goes express, and Five's heart drops out of his body. As he falls back onto a plastic seat, he stares blankly at the innards of reality flashing outside the windows. He always has to push. He always has to try, and what the fuck does it get him? Part of him has already given up, already knows the painful truth: once you get lost in time, once you get lost hopping around places and realities you don't belong, you don't get found. He fought for decades to claw himself back to his siblings the first time. He's too old now, too tired to fight like that again.
But he's not alone this time, and he knows Lila will give him hell if he doesn't put on a good show.
(Fixing the Five & Lila disaster the show gave us)
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“Asshole” Diego says under his breath, feeling the well-worn fury appear with renewed force, like lightning. “Don't tease me, I swear I won't hold back”
“Good” Five says, terrifyingly calm. “Because I really expected more from you. We are not the type to settle for half-measures. ”
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my brain hurt like a warehouse (it had no room to spare) by biggestqueeratthefunction
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
22 Aug 2024
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In a stroke of luck, Five managed to travel him and his siblings back to March 24, 2019 - exactly a week before the apocalypse. Allison decided that the best way for everyone to keep in contact was through a group chat that was well organized and used for emergencies only.
Nobody else seemed to share her opinion on that.frankstein (9:29am): Klaus, did you give me this name because Dad dehumanized me after resurrecting me?
v (9:29am): holy shit luther what
d (9:30am): i second that statement
klaus (9:30am): um NO
klaus (9:31am): i named u that after viktor frankenstein
klaus (9:31am): u know
klaus (9:31am): the main character
klaus (9:31am): cause u would fuck ur sister if she asked lmao -
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Teenage five is figuring out his sexuality and confiding in his closest siblings. Unfortunately circumstances have a way of messing things up and how will Reginald react when he hears something five definitely wanted to keep quiet
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Five knew what he had with Lila was merely coping with having no other people to rely on. He knew the one heat she helped him with was all it was ever going to be. He wasn't in love. He didn't want to be in love with her. But sometimes, he wished he could want to be.
Or:
Five was used to being alone. And despite what his family might think, he was used to being an omega too.
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Homo sine amore vivere nequit. by jegulusmoony
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV), The Umbrella Academy (Comics)
12 Aug 2024
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𓆩♡𓆪 "𝑨 𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆."
When stuck into yet another alternate timeline subway station, Five and Lila have a talk about what to do next. It's enlightening for the both of them, to say the least.
╰┈➤ season 4, episode 5 fix-it one shot, because my five and lila would never. <3
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“What does that mean? You said—”
“We weren’t in love,” repeated Five. “Or, if it was, it wasn’t the love that you have. She was my Dolores.”
Instantly, groans went out around the room.
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Pride in the halls, pride in your hearts by Matty_pup
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV), The Umbrella Academy (Comics)
16 Jun 2024
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The umbrella academy celebrate pride month.
or
I have got to S2 E6 and im loving the relationship with Sissy and Victor. (I now know hes trans so im gonna not specify a time this happens and just use he/him for Victor)
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Luther can feel more sweat dripping down his already-sweaty face, damn. Who knew that giving birth would be this hard? Luther took a deep breath in as he prepared for one last push, screaming as he did so, holding the dented metal rod Grace gave him earlier. Luther knew he's done in giving birth just in time as he hears the sweet cry of his baby. Grace used some tissues and cleaned the baby, walking closer to Luther, showing him the crying baby. "Is that-"
"That's her-" Grace nodded. "What's her name?"
"Katrina Luisa Hargreeves."
Series
- Part 2 of Hopefully, I'll Be Nothing Like Him
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"Do you think I'll be like Dad?" Luther asked. Five frowned. "I spent most of my life with him. Do you think I'll be like him?"
"No," Five decided. "You noticed his mistakes and you noticed your own, and you're working to fix what you can. You'll be nothing like Dad."
"Hopefully-" Luther nodded, looking up. "Hopefully, I'll be nothing like him."
Series
- Part 1 of Hopefully, I'll Be Nothing Like Him
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Allison couldn't believe her eyes, a smile breaking from her lips. There is Luther, all well before her. Five can only frown, somehow Luther emits a different aura from what he usually radiates. He usually radiates the feeling of seriousness with a hint of protective, but today he radiates seriousness with a hint of... nothing. That's not right, Luther never just emit seriousness without anything else.
"Luther! Let's go home!"
"Who is Luther?"
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Maybe We Shouldn't Know About This (But We Do Anyway) by KittyWhiteCat
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
01 Jun 2024
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What other kinds of fuckery did their dad hide from them? Four years of complete loneliness on the moon for nothing, that's ought to fuck up someone.
Luther is set to find out.
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“Viktor?”
“Yes, Five?”
“Let’s see what this shit show has to offer.”
<><><><><><><>
Thrown into a new universe with nothing but the clothes on their back and a few dollars to their names, Viktor and Five embark on what might be their hardest battle yet:
Living normal lives.
Though nothing is ever as it appears.
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the rest of our lives wouldn't sound so scary by stillateenageabomination
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
29 Dec 2023
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The kid stuck out a tongue, swiping the impressive fringe on his face away. Diego’s heart stopped. “Well, this loser just got a 91 on his Pre-Calc final, so eat it.” He threw his head back and shout-sang, “We-e-e-e are the champions, my friends!”
Holy shit, that was Five, and he looked like a fucking weeb.
Diego was vividly reminded of scene culture as he stared at the slightly-off version of his youngest older brother. Admittedly, it could’ve been a lot worse. The kid’s hair was dyed the same shade as the Five Diego knew and tolerated now, and some of his jewelry actually could’ve been regarded as cool, if it wasn’t clearly cheap plastic. He looked like the same not-age Five was now, just way more cringe.
“At times like this,” said the other, slightly older kid, dryly, “I hate that I even have to call you my brother.”
Diego’s chuckle died in his throat.
or, the Infinite Switchboard shows the Hargreeves a timeline where Five Hargreeves grew up not a Hargreeves, not Five, and not anything like the old man they know. The comparison is funny, until it isn't, because being reminded of what could have been is its own kind of torture.
Series
- Part 5 of Abomination Does Whumptober 2023