1 - 20 of 30 Bookmarks
Pages Navigation
List of Bookmarks
-
- Words:
- 85,334
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 30
-
Bookmark Collections:
-
Bookmark Notes:
Weeks after the end of the revival series, Mitchum and Shira perish in an accident, right after Odette leaves him. He calls Rory to come keep him from drowning in it all and she does. They get together, of course. But there are cracks underneath, and especially in the second story, we explore Logan's issues - insomnia, grief, panic attacks, and an overwhelming feeling of impending failure - as a soon-to-be- husband, a father, and CEO that feels doomed to both be the next Mitchum and to burn down his company.
*****************
“Well, afterward, I crawled into a bottle and shacked up with my ex, who I’d accidentally knocked up but didn’t know it. So I’m not sure exactly which stages of grief I’ve checked off the list so far. Sex and alcoholism?”Again, nothing seemed to land on the joke front. “Could you tell me a little about your girlfriend...your fiancé? What’s that relationship like for you?” Dr. Berry asked.
“Rory, she’s writing a novel right now...she’s brilliant and funny and beautiful. Challenges me but not--she takes care of me. When I met her, I was absolutely sure that I was not meant to have what we have, and it took her all of five minutes to change my mind. I just knew that I had to be with her, for always. She’s the love of my life. She’s the love of my life and honestly, sometimes I'm not sure if I’m hers. Or if I even should be.”
Sutton raised an eyebrow. "She says this to you?"
"Never." Logan picked at an invisible piece of lint on the armchair cushion. "We've had some complications over the years. It's more of a reading between the lines kind of feeling."
“And your daughter? What’s it like being a new dad?”
The first moment that the nurse had handed the newborn Bea to Logan, with her skin still scrubbed red and wrinkled from nine months of aquatic living, he knew that he would never be happier than in that moment. It was the first time that he had ever felt pure, unadulterated joy or love without reservation and it was a far more powerful rush than any base jumping in Costa Rica or cliff diving in the Seychelles could ever provide.
He hadn’t ever thought much about becoming a father before he’d found out about the pregnancy because fatherhood seemed like a burden, an obligation to breed more heirs. The problem with dynastic plans was that they were all about math: sequence, profits, order.
And Logan had been a variable in the Huntzberger family equation for longer than he’d intended. His daughter would never have to feel that, he had sworn to himself and to her, even as she was still swaddled in a hospital issue blanket and wearing a tiny pink knit cap. She wasn’t a variable, she was Lorelai Beatrix Gilmore, and she was never going to have to equate her worth to what she could produce or who she would marry.
Logan wanted to tell Sutton that being a new dad was probably a lot like what it felt like to be at war. That he had to be vigilant and brave in ways that he didn’t even know were possible, let alone attainable. That for each objective that he cleared, he always managed to feel just a little bit more behind, and inevitably, in the time it took to catch his breath, another enemy had time to advance. He wanted to tell her that he’d never felt more inadequate than when faced with the prospect of being solely responsible for another human life, and all of his actions - even the most minute of them - had very real and very dire consequences. Or maybe he’d tell her that almost every day when he woke up, there was a voice in his head that wondered if Rory had been right to try to leave him out.
That might have been the moment when it started to feel like all the beige walls were closing in on him and he actually had to gulp to push down the lump that had formed in his throat.
“I don’t really know what it’s like, to be honest. I’m kind of...It’s the weirdest thing, how much I love her. She weighs fifteen pounds and is built like a fireplug and there are planets that could not contain the amount of love I have for her, and I...I resent it?” He raised an eyebrow at his own admission, because hearing it out loud made it so much more tangible and terrible, selfish. “I think I resent it because I know that it’s possible now, to love someone that excessively, and I can’t figure out why it wasn’t possible for my parents, and why I’m not,” his eyes stung and his throat felt strained, and he’d have given anything not to be in that room in front of this kind-eyed stranger, but there he was, slowly breaking down. “I can’t figure out why I wasn’t...why my parents couldn’t love me that same way, or why anyone else should.”
-
Bookmark Notes:
Post-AYITL. Logan is suddenly an orphan, which provides the spark to propel him and Rory back into each other's lives. And they live happily ever after, more or less.
-
Bookmark Notes:
A must read series...seriously one of the best GG Post-AYITL fics I’ve read