Brilliant Pillows: Some Portal Nonsense
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Listing Series
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Brilliant Pillows: Intro, Info, and the Aperture Timeline by LadySwillmart
Fandoms: Portal
16 Aug 2023
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Summary
Brilliant Pillows is BACK... in Series format! Originally posted as a multi-chapter fic, I've decided to repost all of these stories individually and arrange them into a Series instead. This should make it a lot easier for me to manage, with much fewer errors and frustration. Also, rather than spam the Portal section with a big chunk of old nonsense, I'm going to post them individually at a rate of one per week or so (and assuming I can actually remember to, uh, like, actually do this...). Please look forward to it! Or don't, I can't tell you what to do with your weekend! 😅
But before we get into the actual Tales of Mystery and Imagination (and Shockingly Inadequate Peer Review), we really do need to start with with an explanation of this mess, which includes the complete TIMELINE of the history of Aperture Laboratories as it pertains to this, my own spaghetti sandwich canon of Portal fics. So without further ado...!
Series
- Part 1 of Brilliant Pillows: Some Portal Nonsense
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,329
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 10
- Hits:
- 67
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Summary
(Aperture Year c. 1997) “And what it is, is nothing. A big zero. I never liked zeroes. Here at Aperture, we work strictly with non-zero integers for that very reason.”
Doug Rattmann has only been working at Aperture Laboratories for three months and already he's seeing ghosts. Originally written in 2012, revised in 2018, then revamped for 2022. What's the difference? Only the Swilly knows! Unless, of course, you still have a copy of the original...
Series
- Part 2 of Brilliant Pillows: Some Portal Nonsense
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(Aperture Year c. ~2000) A meandering vignette (what I do best, I guess) about Chell in her Relaxation Vault, mulling over a number of loosely related things, as one does when one is lying in bed, trying (or so totally not trying) to get to sleep before Stasis Mode kicks in.
Actually, the impetus for this short story came from a comment someone left on another one I wrote (which I will post next week), which recalled a scene where Doug Rattmann met Chell on an elevator shortly before the latter went into stasis. They asked, would Chell have recognized Doug when next they met? And me being me, of course I had no satisfying answer... (But just as a friendly reminder, Chell and Doug are twin siblings in this series of fics 😅)
Also includes (and in fact, starts with) "Part of a Balanced Breakfast", a drabble concerning basically the same subject in the same place, at roughly the same time period.
Series
- Part 3 of Brilliant Pillows: Some Portal Nonsense
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(Aperture Year c. 2005, May) “I like motley crews as much as the next supercomputer. It's built in. Someone programmed Dr. Feelgood into my auxiliary memory banks. I can't not like it. Would you like me to play a song?”
A brief look at seven remaining Aperture employees as they navigate the downward spiral of very own late night B-movie, which wouldn't be so bad except it would appear that a homicidal supercomputer produced the thing AND appears to be directing it and doing the set design. Originally written in 2012, revised for 2022.
Series
- Part 4 of Brilliant Pillows: Some Portal Nonsense
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,863
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 9
- Hits:
- 55
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Summary
(Aperture Year c. 2008, January) “That’s what DNR means. It has nothing to do with testing, Douglas.”
It's Douglas C. Rattmann's 31st birthday. Despite being trapped alone in the Aperture Science Enrichment Center for almost three years now, he still manages to celebrate it in style—by fighting for his life in a number of ordinary ways. Without spoiling too much, this also includes a recounting of how he met Chell.
CW: Brief mentions of suicide, some "off-camera" deaths in flashbacks.
Series
- Part 5 of Brilliant Pillows: Some Portal Nonsense
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,514
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 8
- Hits:
- 55
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(Aperture Year c. 2008, May) “How would you like it if I opened up your head and started pulling things out of it?”
It's bad enough that Doug Rattmann is out of medication, food, and Richie Rich comics, but now a bipedal talking Companion Cube won't stop bothering him about The Borealis. Things are looking awfully bleak on the Reality front... Yes, only Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel can save us now!
Series
- Part 6 of Brilliant Pillows: Some Portal Nonsense
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,735
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 5
- Hits:
- 41
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(Aperture Year c. 52167) “The desire to procreate is not a default feature for any Aperture Science Personality Construct.”
Atlas and P-body participate in the Miracle of Artificial Birth. GLaDOS is having none of it. Contains explicit references to the 1981 movie Heartbeeps; reader discretion is advised (if the reader is an Aperture Science Personality Construct). Written in 2012, this was originally part of a trio of short fics featuring Atlas and P-body. For 2022, I split the trio for continuity reasons, which may or may not become evident if you remember the original.
Series
- Part 7 of Brilliant Pillows: Some Portal Nonsense
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,383
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 8
- Hits:
- 101
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(Aperture Year c. 52167) “Well, maybe it would be a good idea first to open up this can so we’ll at least see the manifold divorce of a near-infinite number of possibilities. I’m sorry, did I make that sound very interesting?”
Next, join us for an excursive, tortuous lecture on quantum mechanics as Doug explains to Chell how cans work, or at least he will as soon as they can find a can opener somewhere in this dump. Look, you can't get this kind of education at Black Mesa; we're not just doing science, we're doing Aperture Science. Originally completed in 2018.
Series
- Part 8 of Brilliant Pillows: Some Portal Nonsense
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(Aperture Year c. 52167) “Did I say something? I didn’t say anything. I think you must’ve hallucinated me saying I’m going to kill [Him] again.”
Well, it looks like SOMEONE said the W-word and now a certain Blue-Eyed Moron is about to become everyone's problem again. In other (bad) news, GLaDOS has detected the presence of some sentient refuse in the sector Echo Gray backwash gutters and entrusts Doug with the nasty business of fishing out the whatever-it-is, so he can try to restore the whatever-it-is to full operational capacity for ethical scientific purposes and NOT just so the facility administrator can kill it again and again and again and again and again... Unfinished multipart from 2022.
Series
- Part 9 of Brilliant Pillows: Some Portal Nonsense
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(Aperture Year c. 52167) “See, if I had an arm, I could do something about all those turrets. I could be your official turret crusher.”
Wheatley wants the right to bear arms—somewhat literally—and now it's up to Doug to get it through his steel-reinforced spheroid mobility chassis that such a thing may not be entirely feasible. The less said about all those Range Rovers in the parking lot that Wheatley wants to destroy for some reason, the better. Originally written in 2018.
Series
- Part 10 of Brilliant Pillows: Some Portal Nonsense
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(Aperture Year c. 52167) "Ça fait longtemps qu'on s'est pas vu. Comment est-ce que vous vous appelez?"
Doug is restoring Grady, who was recently discovered in Mike Einstein (an old QA section of the facility) in a state of extreme disrepair, such that his innards have been removed from his body and strewn about the place like a scene from a very specific horror movie directed by an Aperture personality construct. Not that the horrors depicted within this story will ever extend beyond the bounds of the purely existential, oh no...
But never mind all that, GLaDOS also has something to say and that something may or may not involve a very specific Beatles song repeated over the company loudspeaker ad infinitum (threats of surprise neurosurgery noughtwithstanding).
(Heads up, next week will be the FINAL update for this series and will feature three fics instead of the usual two. Sorry!)
Series
- Part 11 of Brilliant Pillows: Some Portal Nonsense
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,735
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 4
- Hits:
- 31
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Summary
(Aperture Year c. 52167) “I see you've got a donut there.”
A short two-pack of fics where Wheatley tries to get P-body and Atlas to say something, anything. Arg. Originally paired with Cousineau when this was first written in 2012, it now stands on its own as a charming mini-duplex.
Series
- Part 12 of Brilliant Pillows: Some Portal Nonsense
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,533
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 6
- Hits:
- 51
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Summary
(Aperture Year c. 52167) “If you ask me, those stuffed shirts in Washington got some kind of jazz against edible fiberglass.”
It's always an interesting Saturday when someone shows up at your sunlight-simulated apartment with an ancient box of macaroni & cheese. And who better to kick off a culinary adventure than Chell—silent as ever—and Rick the Adventure Core, who's babbling madly in the throes of some unknown (but indubitably adventuresome) malfunction? Written in 2018.
Series
- Part 13 of Brilliant Pillows: Some Portal Nonsense
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,149
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 9
- Hits:
- 41
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Summary
(Aperture Year c. 52167) “That Black Mesa. Notorious overlords of applied research in the field of theoretical shoelaces, oh yes.”
While investigating the very real and literal threat of Darker Days for the facility, Doug Rattmann waxes nostalgic about Aperture's disastrous foray into the highly lucrative shoelace market while Wheatley feigns as much interest as would be appropriate for the topic at hand. From 2018, this was supposed to be part of a larger story that I've always wanted to write but never really did. Oh well, maybe some day!
Series
- Part 14 of Brilliant Pillows: Some Portal Nonsense
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Summary
(Aperture Year c. 52167) “So yeah, this is it. Michigan of the 522nd century. I guess.”
Doug and Chell venture to the surface and contemplate time, economics, and how the two of them have failed to combine and make a meaningful impact on the price of vending machine bouncy balls in the 522nd century.
This is the FINAL update for the Brilliant Pillows series; I know last time I said "three fics" but actually there were four. Oops! But it's over now, so thanks for bearing with me and my sincere apologies for (gestures loosely)! 🎂
Series
- Part 15 of Brilliant Pillows: Some Portal Nonsense
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,770
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 9
- Hits:
- 53