Finding Balance
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Listing Series
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Reconciliation of Memory by Zombubble
Fandoms: 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
25 Dec 2022
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Summary
Disparaging comments are what Lan Sizhui expects when people talk about Wei Wuxian; the wider world knows only the legends, after all, and even in the cultivation world there are few who have interacted with the man directly. It makes sense for them to be misinformed, to lay too much blame at the man's feet even as they welcome him back as a hero after Jin Guangyao’s death.
But… for some reason hearing such comments hurts, now. Before he remembered where he came from, who he was, Lan Sizhui wasn’t so badly affected, but now… it's hard. It hurts, knowing that three tables over they’re talking about a man who's loved him since he was a toddler, who is literally the only reason he’s alive today.
It hurts, knowing that some of what they’re saying is true.
Series
- Part 1 of Finding Balance
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Summary
Zewu-jun looks at him for a long moment. “Sizhui, I—I don’t know what to say.”
Swallowing his tears doesn’t work but fuck if he doesn’t try, cursing every one that manages still to leak from the corners of his eyes. His uncle’s always listened to him, always heard him out, so why is it he’s having trouble now?
He wants to sob, to release the grief and anguish he feels.
He wants to scream, to get angry at the world. At his uncle.
And yet, all he can do is sit there with his tea and his tears, in silence, across from a man he doesn’t want to fear.
Series
- Part 2 of Finding Balance
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Summary
Leaning close, Lan Sizhui whispers forcefully, “You… You told Jiang Wanyin that I was born a Wen?!”
Only now does it seem like Jin Ling realizes the gravity of what he’d done as his face goes pale.
After all, Jiang Wanyin proudly led the Siege of the Burial Mounds. Jiang Wanyin was one of the most vocal advocates for the destruction of the Wen Sect and Wei Wuxian.
And now, Jiang Wanyin knows he failed to eradicate the entirety of the sect upon which he’d sworn revenge.
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Lan Sizhui wasn't planning on telling Jiang Wanyin anything about his origins. (un)Luckily for him, he doesn't have to worry about that bit. The next four days in Jiang Cheng's household, however...
Series
- Part 3 of Finding Balance
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Summary
Wei-qianbei's words are nice, but his tone and body language say he knows Lan Sizhui’s still avoiding talking about what’s been bothering him but at the same time, it… Lan Sizhui doesn’t know how to bring it up or even if he wants to, yet. Part of him wants to wait until he’s entirely ready, until he’s sorted through himself and has a clear idea of what he wants to talk about. Until he’s thought through all the ways such a conversation could go badly and made plans to mitigate each and every one.
Zewu-jun took him off guard, which… given the circumstances had been understandable, and Zewu-jun is his uncle. One he'd grown up with. There was a certain safety, there. With Jiang Wanyin, as sudden as their talk was, it wasn’t…
If Jiang Wanyin had gotten pissed, told him to fuck off and never come back, that’d have been unfortunate but, ultimately, fine. If Wei Wuxian gets upset about being questioned, about Lan Sizhui’s phrasing and tone, about any implications he may accidentally make, any sore spots he may unintentionally prod… There’s a lot more to lose, there.
A lot.
He’s not ready to risk it, and so he pretends at ignorance.
Series
- Part 4 of Finding Balance