Archive of Our Own ^beta

Your Body Is Your Own

Jade was curled up on the floor of her Tir Asleen loft room by the hearth. The quest to save Airk had barely finished with the return to the Barrier confines. She couldn’t sleep without firelight and moonlight, and from this vantage could see through her window. Most nights, Kit had still snuck into Jade’s room via her favourite access point. She had cherished the company, however brief. Sorsha was talking to the returning quest members individually now, to try and leverage more information than the group debrief had revealed. Kit had found her freedoms increasingly limited as the week had gone on, with Sorsha switching from mother to monarch. Kit was the easiest to provoke, and the safest now Elora could do more than leave love bites on the necks of princes. Sorsha had ensured no-one could defend themselves against magic for the last two hundred moons. The former kitchen maid now slept in the royal guest suite.

Now Jade was looking at a week alone. A party consisting of Sorsha, Kit, Airk, and Elora, were destined to Galladoorn tomorrow morning. She hadn’t been invited, which Jade was pleased about. A lot of political changes had occurred in the five moons away. King Hastur all but wanted to kidnap Jade to train for the Shining Legion, and Jade only had so much anger management towards a Kingdom who used her family as slaves. A lot had changed within Tir Asleen, too. Jade didn’t belong here, either. With Ballantine gone so soon after the quest started, no-one had thought that Jade was returning to Tir Asleen. They, like King Hastur, assumed she would join the Shining Legion.

The new Pacalcade leader hadn’t made a place for Jade among knight training, despite her quest experience. Her only role was watching fat stallions chase mares round the paddock to confirm mating, when the enclosure gave no other option. He wasn’t making a safe place for her to bathe, either. Ballantine used to restrict the men (everyone else) to certain hours of the day, and Jade took the opportunity to train longer and then bathe in the big tubs in peace; especially after endurance sessions. She could really do with a soak, as they were far from flowing rivers and the privacy of wilderness. A different kind of danger lurked in built walls. It dulled the natural sounds she had keened herself to on the quest, and there were too many people to threat assess echoing down streets and corridors.

Jade also felt uncomfortable in her own skin. She kept her hair in a high pony tail, making her self-conscious of the Bone Reaver scar tattoo on her left ear. It was irrational, as she’d had it for as long as she could remember and on show without thought as to its origin, even adorning her right ear with a gold metal band to balance. Any moment, she expected people to realise she knew her heritage and then fight her way out to the Wildwood to her sister, Scorpia.

Elora may have been tasked with uniting the realms against darkness since birth, but Jade was currently more small-scale murderous about the undeserving. The quest group had decided to tell lies and omissions, which seemed fitting as they had been raised as such: Boorman did most of the killing and deserved a pardon for his role as guide, and had been lost on the journey home (to the Bone Reavers to help them prepare for the angry Wyrm); Ballantine and the other knights had been too corrupted and Willow gave them a mercy killing (not Jade); Elora alone used magic to fight the Crone (Graydon was a non-combatant casualty); Willow returned to the Nelwyn (with the Cuirass breastplate, oversized and inert without the Lux).

Jade’s physical discomfort went deeper. Growing up, she knew that if people saw her as a man, then she would have been selected for the Shining Legion on the Galladoorn recruitment drives without question. She wouldn’t have needed to ask Ballantine (a man) to petition on her behalf to join. She’d fondly listened to Kit tell the story of Princess Taramis of Cashmere, who hid her face and gender to compete as a knight for her own hand. No-one in Galladoorn had ever seen her, the same way no-one in Tir Asleen had seen Graydon, so she had her anonymity. After the petition, Jade had gone to the market’s Cashmere traders to get supplies to masculinise her appearance. Both the chest compressor and leather pouches had sat unused in her room. Until now.

She took it as a sign that she managed the waist harness with ease, the thin leather straps tightening and securing through two overlapping metal hoops on her waist and each thigh. It kept the tied-on pouches hung centrally. The only discomfort was lingering puffiness from her period as it pressed against her mound. The chest compressor had been fiddlier, with the corsetry laced beneath the armpits to adjust for each breast. She missed the days that she only bled through injury. She recalled the adjustment in arm technique to become a heavy hitter, utilising the extra chest weight in her swings. She threw stars slower than Kit, as she had to twist her body more; one of the princess’ few genuine victories before the quest. Archery had been abandoned. She’d been thrilled when Ballantine had gifted her a custom two-handed sword which didn’t clap things together. It gave her hope that the Shining Legion would have adapted to her once adopted into their ranks.

Tonight was her own adaptation. She hadn’t seen a mirror for moons, so fell into sightless sensation. Good breathing technique through the abdomen. Adjusting how far her thighs were apart to see how the leather sat, how much it pressed in various places. While cool to begin with, once sat by the fire, the leather had gotten warmer than her skin despite being under loose pyjamas. Conversely, the tightness of the chest was restricting circulation to a cooling effect. She decided to stretch out and lay on her back, noting what now moved and what didn’t. She felt like on the Shattered Sea, where there was an expanse of time to explore minutiae. So transported was she, that she heard the knock Kit used on the silt sleigh to indicate she was alone. Until she heard it again, louder.

Jade’s eyes shot open, expecting Kit to be framed by the window above her. She wasn’t in sight. Jade had time to sit up and pull the covers from her bed over her waist, to conceal things under folds of fabric before Kit appeared; to look down at the scene. Only she didn’t come. Jade was either losing her mind from the stress of the quest or someone in the street knocked exactly like this secret they had developed. Then Jade heard Kit cough her presence outside her door. Her actual door. Jade sighed in relief from her chest, which she regretted. She also coughed. Her protective instincts for Kit being here in the night when she’d been essentially castle-bound overrode any other thought. She got to her feet to open the door, which Kit slipped through as soon as the gap was big enough for her. As Jade closed the door, Kit slid her arms around her waist from behind and pressed into her, resting her cheek between Jade’s shoulder blades.

“What’s wrong with the window?” Jade teased. She slid the latch so they had privacy, before resting her hands over Kit’s.

“Hmm,” Kit mused, the hum vibrating Jade’s back through the extra layers of fabric “Royal Physician’s orders. I’m not fit to travel.”

“Oh?” Jade tried to sound light at the health news, and calm at having Kit here for the week with less prying eyes.

“Lovesick,” Kit confirmed, turning her face to rest her forehead against Jade’s spine and sighing contentedly.

Jade huffed a laugh, and Kit took the exhale to hold Jade closer. That wasn’t a diagnosis, she hoped. They figured out on the quest that everyone in Tir Asleen knew about their romantic feelings, but like everything else upon returning – omission and lies. It was enough to assess the fallout from a lost prince and the return of the Chosen One. Unless Sorsha had broken Kit today about this. But that wouldn’t exempt her from travel to Galladoorn, would it? Was this some political development - Kit was off limits to suitors and bloodline propagation as Jade would beat them to a bloody pulp, beyond the parameters of a knight attendant? But before Jade could consider the compressor was cutting off circulation to her brain, Kit spoke.

“I want to sleep with you.”

Jade turned her head to look at Kit, without success. She had no idea if Kit meant what she just said in relation to lovesickness, and it was getting harder to breathe. Had Kit been exposed to the magic dust Willow mentioned, something about Broken Heart? Was this the last place Kit should be, given her words were a statement, not a question? At least she was talking, rather than pursuing. Jade was physically stronger, but this may be magic enhancement akin to Airk’s combat skills under the Crone’s influence. Could Kit actually take advantage until the dust wore off? Was this why it was called Broken Heart - that it would hurt best friends with romantic feelings with some rushed lust that Jade wasn’t ready for?

“Kit, let me see you,” Jade tried a neutral tone.

Kit easily released Jade and stepped back into the room. Jade quickly turned around and searched Kit’s face. Kit held an openness to be examined by Jade that was different to court interrogation, smiling softly as she followed Jade’s gaze across her form. Kit had cut her hair to match Airk after rescuing him, with an undercut and tying the top layer back in a bun. If looking like a princess was the issue it had mostly grown out, to the extent Jade could tuck it behind Kit’s ears. Adapted to seeing by firelight, Jade could see that Kit looked tired. Not the worst she had ever looked because the quest had stockpiled Kit’s issues to suicidal ideation. But to the physician’s knowledge of Kit’s pre-quest life, she did indeed look unfit to travel. To Jade’s eyes, Kit was a day clear from a draining period, and needed chocolate to restore some complexion. Also, Kit needed sleep.

“You’re not sleeping, either?” Jade smiled in acknowledgement, and Kit matched it. For five moons, they had adjacent and then overlapping bed rolls. Jade couldn’t sleep without hearing Kit breathing anymore, or at least seeing her when it was her turn to keep watch. Jade realised Kit had defaulted to their sleeping hold when embracing her from behind upon arriving. Kit needed Jade in order to sleep, too. Jade opened her arms and Kit was back in her embrace in their usual upright slot, with Jade’s hands on Kit’s lower back, Kit’s hands across her shoulders, and foreheads pressed together. She inhaled Kit’s familiar scent, overlaid with the royal fragrances of vanilla and frankincense, and wild honey. On Kit’s exhales were chocolate and mint. Jade was keen to taste.

“Can I kiss you?” Jade whispered, still in awe that it was a possibility. She could feel Kit’s smile as it crinkled the skin at her temples. It was a confirmation. As was the pull on her shoulders for Kit to gain the height she needed. Jade kept her hands on Kit as she pressed forward. She felt Kit’s nose press into her cheek, and heard the inhale she needed before kissing.

Then Kit’s entire body went rigid against her. Jade pulled her head back, to see Kit’s eyebrows disappear into her hairline, confused shock in her open-mouthed expression. Neither of them breathed. After some unspecified time, Kit backed away. Close enough for Jade to keep her hands resting lightly on her waist, and for Kit to slide her hands onto Jade’s collar bones. The space allowed Kit to exhale shakily, and Jade allowed herself a quiet breath to shift the dizziness from her head.

“Is that… that the –,” Kit made her right hand into a loose fist and tapped the edge against Jade’s chest. She searched Jade’s face for reassurance.

Oh. Oh, Jade realised. She thinks it’s the Lux. Jade smirked. That would be a great hiding place, as anyone contemplating touching her crotch would get murdered. The major issue with that being the Lux was only small when active in the breastplate, which was Kit’s experience of it. Outside of it, Jade would be hung like a horse and walking like she was riding one. No, the Lux was safely stowed, along with her Bone Reaver armour and Scorpia’s pendant, as part of the lies and omissions.

Jade’s thoughts stilled when Kit repeated the tapping gesture on her chest again, testing the sensation. It did sound different, a muted thud, and felt different as her soft flesh was held taught against her ribs.

“Jade?” Kit questioned her identity. The doubt prompted her to back away, beyond touching distance, and to cast glances at Jade’s known weapon stashes.

Jade was proud that she had learned, and remembered. But Jade had her own identity crisis to contend with. For the first time since her body changed beyond height gains, Jade’s palms sweated and her tongue was heavy. She didn’t want to move in case Kit skittered off out the window to sound the alarm for shape shifters. But words were failing her. So Jade stood in the relative dark of her doorway, both blushing and swallowing hard. She needed truth plums, as they made the words flow easier, and Kit would know them to be completely honest.

“I’ve wanted to be treated like a man for years,” Jade started. The confession made her eyes drop to the floor. “I brought this,” she gestured with open fingers to her torso, “about a year ago. I wanted to try it while I had the week off”. She sniffed. And sniffed again. Shit, she was crying. And suffocating. The truth of her teenage life lay exposed to the woman she loved. A woman who loved women. Kit was the only exception to Jade wanting to be a man growing up, on the smallest chance she’d reciprocate her romantic feelings. That miracle had happened, but now it felt like she was pushing those feelings out of reach of both of them. Something about Tir Asleen always stopped them from loving each other, to the point of self-sabotage.

The tears in her eyes meant she didn’t see Kit approach to place one hand on her arm. The other cupped her cheek, her thumb strokes clearing the glassiness from her vision. Jade lifted her eyes to search Kit’s face. She found a sad contemplation.

“Sorry,” Jade whispered, her heart aching. She never wanted Kit to be in pain, especially because of her.

Kit regarded her, and brought her other hand up to frame Jade’s face. Jade couldn’t look away, resigned to immortalise whatever Kit said next. It started with a slight upturn in her lips, combined with a determination in her eyes.

“I told you in the Wildwood, for all of life,” Kit reminded her. “I mean it.”

Jade’s jaw would have dropped in shock if Kit wasn’t holding it in place. Kit loved her. Her. Or whatever pronouns they went on to use. Jade shoved the thought that big boys don’t cry out of their head, and put their hands on Kit’s waist. Their itching fingers encouraged Kit forward into a hug. Kit’s hands slid tear-assisted to wrap around Jade’s neck as they buried their face into Kit’s shoulder and sobbed. The kind of sobs that broke you apart so a different you could grow, if Jade wasn’t so resistant. They were meant to be the stoic one, protecting Kit from her excesses, comforting Kit from her interrogations at the castle. But here Kit was, holding up their head weight, soothing the nape of their neck along cold sweat. If they weren’t careful, they were going to fall asleep under Kit’s ministrations. In the end, it was their stomach growling that roused them.

“I brought snacks,” Kit announced into their hair.

Like Jade couldn’t love her any more. Sure enough, a travel sack was on the floor by the door frame, completely overlooked until needed. Kit brought the bag over to the hearth and stoked the fire, while Jade filled the kettle to boil water on the increased flames. They sat on the blanket pile on the floor and Kit unpacked the cakes and soft cheese she’d rescued from the pre-travel meal. Evidently no-one had an appetite by the final courses with the diplomatic week ahead. The quest had given both of them a desperation for food that took longer to prepare than vegetables, but went off quicker than travel rations. Any drinks that weren’t plain water, too. Somehow, Jade’s chicory powder hadn’t solidified in its jar in their absence. Kit had brought cups but not milk. A small part of it was Kit feigning a level of tiredness. It was a transition phase of resources now available to them in their domestic life. A realisation as to how wasteful royalty was when they had spent moons eking out supplies. Once the drinks were made, they ate in comfortable silence: Jade too worn out from crying, and Kit from her finished period. Jade ensured Kit had all the chocolate varieties of the cakes and pastries, and they equally shared everything else.

“Are you okay?” Kit asked. She reached over and squeezed their arm.

“Better,” Jade realised, now the big wave of emotion had passed and they were full of food. A bit sleepy, too. “Are you staying?”

Kit glanced at the small bed, and at the floor space by the fire. She sighed wistfully, and shook her head. “Physician expects me back to take a sleeping draught.”

Jade looked to see that Kit’s shoulder was dry from their tears.

“I, um,” Kit started, unsure. “I didn’t just come to tell you I wasn’t going. Can you come tomorrow, at sunset? I want to have a bath.”

“Of course,” Jade reassured, placing their hand over Kit’s on his arm. The quest had given Kit a fear of deep water. While the drive to save Airk had compelled Kit over a waterfall and into its plunge pool, the relief at his rescue had given way to panic at being immersed. It was completely understandable, having nearly drowned in the Skellin lake. On the journey home, Jade had been with Kit when bathing to hold some part of her. It had quickly led into comfort with various states of undress, and of applying a cleaning cloth to skin. Kit often trembled when dried, so Jade had held her until the cold dread had been pushed out with their body’s warmth.

“Do you want me to walk you back?”

Kit shook her head. With reluctance, she let go of Jade’s arm and started to gather the cups to the travel sack. Jade stopped her.

“I’ll bring it tomorrow,” they explained. Jade didn’t want Kit doing anything unnecessary. Plus it gave them a public reason to come to the castle.

“Can I have your shirt?” Kit asked. “It smells like you,” she confessed

Jade looked down, distinctly wanting to keep this particular shirt on. It was that difference between knowing and seeing, and Jade wasn’t ready for Kit to see their compressor. They looked at Kit, who was looking around the room for garments not currently being worn. Jade got up to retrieve the base layer they had worn today from the laundry pile, which smelled more like them than horses. Kit got up to receive it, but in the absence of a sack, she wasn’t sure where to put it. She opted for wrapping it around her waist beneath her leather belt, which was an impressive feat to watch.

It really was hard to say goodbye. Kit reached for Jade’s hand, and they felt that pull beyond being led to the door to be let out. That pull that said if they touched any more, Kit would not be leaving. Jade did the latch, but before they opened it, Kit gestured to below their waist.

“That’s really hot,” Kit said, thoughtfully. Like she’d wanted to comment all evening but it hadn’t been the right moment.

Kit left on that. Jade was left to shut the latch, and to contemplate not only their gender, but Kit’s sexuality.

***

Sunset hadn’t come soon enough for Jade. There was only so much they could practice variations in their head of The Princess has requested my presence, as both preparation for the evening and distraction from watching horny horses, in case anyone questioned why they were headed towards the royal chambers. People would recognise their hair, if anyone paid any attention as they strode through the stone corridors. Arguably, their pace hid their body modifiers better than the Tir Asleen padded armour. Finally, they stood outside Kit’s bedroom door. They knocked their it’s just me pattern on the heavy door. Kit called for them to come in.

Jade first took in Kit’s brilliant smile, as she stood the other side of the sofa at the end of her bed, bent ready to lift it. Kit was a little breathless but her colour was better. Jade shut the door, dropped her travel sack, and came to help her move the furniture.

“How’s your day?” they began, adopting a good lifting pose.

“Tedious,” Kit began. She gestured with her head for Jade to go left, and they carried the sofa to be along the side of the bed closest to the door. “Graydon made being in charge sound like we could do what we liked. But it’s just endless updates about harvest yields, dye supplies, some leak in the banqueting hall roof and diverting the wagons to get the stone from the quarry due to skirmishes.” Tiny adjustment so they could get in and out the bed this side. “They’re telling me stuff I can’t do anything about, like I’m a notebook. Or being made to study to take a test for when my mother gets back.” Sofa successfully relocated. “You?”

“Eclipse studded Almond,” they stated. They had witnessed more pairings than that, but that was the important one for Kit. She got to name any of her horse’s foals.

“I think I’ve had the better day,” Kit conceded, grimacing. “I’m riding him tomorrow, physician be damned.”

Jade agreed on all counts. After Eclipse (and the other quest horses) had found his way back to the Barrier after bolting from the Crone’s disciples, no-one had ridden him. He was a royal steed, and the Queen had been recovering during Kit and Airk’s absence. He’d gotten fat. Kit’s recovery needed a balance of physical and mental rest and stimulation. Riding would get horse and rider back into good condition. Jade also added Kit’s grimace to their mental list of Kit’s sexuality.

Kit walked to the lit fireplace and the space they had just cleared, and then spun around as she remembered. “Physician is coming 10pm with another sleeping draught. That’s the only time we’ll be disturbed until breakfast.”

“Did it help?” Jade asked hopefully, knowing that something had improved Kit’s health. They were also relieved at assuming they were staying the night; that Kit wasn’t kicking them out after the bath.

“Your shirt did more,” Kit admitted, resuming her circuit to the other side of the bed. “You can have that back - it smells like me now,” she revealed, as she grabbed the item and the long pillows from her mattress. “You can get out of your armour, too,” she breezed, bringing everything around to drop on the tapestry rug by the hearth.

Jade looked down, seemingly forgetting what they had come in. It was an autopilot removal of leather and padding from shoulders to boots, only pausing on where to put it. They decided by the fire as they had been caught a little in the rain. That’s when Jade spotted the pile of cakes among the floor nest Kit was building. Kit assured that they were fresh baked today. Not that Jade cared about day-old desserts after the quest. This arrangement was another transition, the royal chambers offering more physical comforts, but still needing to lie on the ground by open flames. While Kit’s windows were big and east facing for sunrise, the translucent glass disguised light from the sky above and courtyards below. Jade couldn’t tell if the droplets were rain or condensation from the steaming bath, despite the additional candle lantern lighting everywhere.

Kit handed them folded bedsheets from the ottoman and started to cover the metal room divide for the bathing area. Between them, they tied a knot in two corners and secured it on the spike either side of the entrance, creating total privacy. Jade was following Kit’s lead on this. They didn’t think they had a bed sheet big enough to reach from the headboard touching the ceiling to the low level footboard of the bed. Jade supposed that was what moving the sofa was for – physical protection on three sides while they slept, if they could get away from the fireplace. Would it all have to be put back before breakfast tomorrow, or was Kit keeping it until her mother returned?

While Jade wondered, Kit had locked the door, retrieved the travel sack, and was busy making hot drinks from the returned cups. Jade knelt by Kit and tried to help but Kit insisted she do this. Jade started to appreciate more why Kit didn’t like being a princess. That while capable of doing things, just kept being denied. Jade didn’t deserve this much inactivity for helping Kit have a bath. They knew it was a big deal but protecting Kit was the reward for Jade.

“Happy Birthday,” Kit smiled.

Jade looked down at the offered muffin, which Kit had placed a lit candle in.

What? Their birthday was the Winter Solstice, or so they had been told. It didn’t feel special as everyone was celebrating the return of longer days rather than them. It reminded them, they needed to ask Scorpia when their birthday really was. But today was unremarkable in autumn, between harvest festivals. Why was Kit – Oh. That thought was followed by a full face blush. When she could look at Kit again, Jade saw genuine warmth in her eyes. Nothing about the past five moons had gone as Jade had expected. They expected this week to be a quiet exploration of themselves. But Kit, being Kit, was giving them celebration, regardless of if they changed their mind. Still secret, but shared between the two of them. Maybe she was looking for reasons to be happy, against what they had all been through, and would likely be going through in the coming months with the war.

“Thank you,” Jade smiled quietly, taking the muffin.

“Make a wish,” Kit insisted.

While Jade usually wished upon stars, they closed their eyes and blew out the candle. I wish we’ll always be happy together. When they opened them, Kit was holding another muffin, this time without a candle.

“Are you trying to make me fat?” Jade joked, exchanging the muffins.

If Jade wasn’t primed to Kit’s tiny shifts, they would have missed the worried expression that she blinked away. But Jade carried on that worry, so Kit stopped hiding.

“I think the quest took a lot out of all of us, including our weight,” Kit spoke honestly, and gestured for Jade to look behind them.

Jade turned around to see the full length standing mirror by the covered railing. They took the muffin with them as they stood to see themselves. Had there always been a lantern by the mirror? In any case, Jade could only see the skin of their hands, face and neck. They expected their face to look smaller as their hair had gotten bigger on the quest, both in length and in not minimising the curls. Jade started to eat the cake rather than put it down. The liquid chocolate core spilled onto their chin, and they stepped back to avoid getting it onto their clothes, only to bump into Kit as she had come up from behind. Jade was bigger than Kit, as they couldn’t see her in the mirror frame, but that had been true all their lives and not a good indicator of weight.

“Do you want me to go?” Kit offered around a mouthful of cake, moving towards the tented bathroom.

Jade shook their head, reaching out with their clean hand to keep her here. They were bathing soon. And it helped that Kit was here, for all of it. Jade ate the rest of the muffin in a two big gulps before the core went anywhere else. Their red wrap over top was dirty now, so cleaning their hands seemed pointless before removing it. Kit took it and threw it onto the railing. Jade pulled their grey linen shirt out from their trousers, which brought the pouch and harness to sit higher up. Next time they would have to pull slower or hold their waistband out as things were catching on hairs. Again, Kit took the discarded shirt and put it on the railing, and was slow to turn back.

Jade looked in the mirror at their arms, shoulders, and abdomen. Their arms looked the same. Maybe their shoulder bones were more pronounced? The compressor was making their upper chest broader. Beneath the fabric, their gut stuck out a little, which was weird, having had years of their chest protruding much further. But then they saw a rib indent, and turned to side face the mirror to see that indent continue to their spine. Shit. Jade sighed heavily, their abdomen growing far beyond their chest. They brought their fingers to the expanse of flesh and pressed, denting the soft layer in pursuit of the muscles beneath.

Kit saw the anger rise. “Don’t beat yourself up,” she tried to soothe, gathering Jade’s fingers away from the skin to prevent marks. “I know you gave me more food.”

Jade shook their head. This wasn’t about looking after herself. “I want,” they started, but had to stop from clenching their jaw too much. It wasn’t fair. As kids, they had watched Airk drop sword fighting in favour of sporadic weight training to attract girls. He’d gained muscle mass and definition, and never lost it, not even eating a royal diet. Kit and Jade had stayed rounded, with Kit favouring fighting over weights. Jade did both. They had trained twice as hard as every other man, started younger, and it didn’t matter. The quest proved that endless endurance, elevated heart rate, fasting, a diet devoid of sugar for months, fresh forage, and high protein travel rations, was detrimental. It made them weaker, losing bulk needed for their heavy hitting style, rather than give them rippling muscles to intimidate the enemy. The fat of their chest stayed, while the muscle of their ribs depleted.

Jade tried biting their tongue to stop feeling, to get their shallow, hard breathing under control. It caused involuntary tears in their eyes. Kit’s free hand was quick to sooth their jaw. The only issue with Jade allowing themselves to love Kit was all the other feelings they had suppressed for years wanting to come out, too. They needed to spar, soon. It wasn’t Kit’s fault that Jade’s body was like this. The thought helped regulate their breathing, and Jade allowed themselves to look at Kit’s face.

“I want muscle definition,” Jade finished.

Kit regarded her, head tilted, flitting her eyes between Jade’s defeated gaze. Then she looked down at Jade’s chin, covered in chocolate. Kit brought her thumb to drag through the patch and along their jawline, and encouraged Jade to turn their face to the mirror. It was a crude but effective beard, and Jade couldn’t help the half smile at seeing it. Kit looked in the mirror at the flesh on show, and then withdrew from sight and touch. She came back with more muffins, and the blunt stick used for applying temporary body adornments. She split the cake to dip the finer end in the chocolate core, and hovered it by Jade’s face, a question in her eyes. Jade swallowed and nodded, Kit smiled. Kit stood on tiptoes, bracing her forearms against Jade’s chest to begin. She started with their eyebrows, using the stick to tease the short hairs into a bushier definition. Jade couldn’t see beyond Kit’s hand, so they closed their eyes as she worked. It allowed relaxation under Kit’s ministration; a smoother canvas and a body counterweight. Idly they realised it was a mint flavour muffin, and it was becoming a spa treatment with the tingling herb and the bath condensation keeping the chocolate from drying out on their skin. They hadn’t had this kind of skin relief since finding hot mud pools on the quest home.

Kit slid her forearms down Jade’s chest as she came off tiptoes. While Jade was wearing less layers than normal, it felt weird that they couldn’t feel Kit so much, because the skin wasn’t allowed to move. Jade didn’t want this to be a barrier to enjoying Kit’s body, especially now that enjoying Kit’s touch was allowed. Jade felt Kit rub a broad thumb stroke along the other side of their jaw to even up their beard. Both thumbs pressed above their lips. Jade wanted to taste the combination of Kit’s flesh and food again, but it could wait. The thumbs lifted off, to reconnect at the centre of her throat. Jade had to swallow around the pressure as Kit drew a crescent disc below their voice box.

Jade briefly lost all Kit’s contact points, and they opened their eyes to see she had knelt down to align with their abdomen; a view afforded by their flattened chest. A moment’s contemplation passed across Kit’s face, which set to determination. She thread the stick through the chocolate like she was waxing thread to mend leather, before pressing the length of it over Jade’s belly button and sliding it flush upwards. Jade yelped backwards, laughing, nearly knocking the mirror and lamp over.

“Sorry!” Kit and Jade said simultaneously.

Jade had almost forgotten they were ticklish. It had been years since they and Kit had had play fights that allowed that response. Denied to the extent Jade didn’t do grapple combat as it would be obvious they were throwing sparring sessions, which had nearly cost their life in the Wildwood.

Kit looked delighted at Jade’s recent response, before quelling the excess and holding the stick up to her previous position. The mirror and lantern returned to their stable state. Jade realised she was giving them the space to continue, and bit at their lip while thinking, drawing chocolate into their mouth. They trusted Kit to behave, but not their own body. Maybe tensing to deal with the ticklish sensation would help stay still. It was only six horizontal lines, Jade predicted. Tensing would help Kit find the muscles to add the definition. They nodded to themselves, and stepped forward for Kit to continue.

Coherent thought soon left at Kit’s impressed and appreciative look at Jade’s taught muscles. The first draw of chocolate across her upper left ab had Jade’s hands instinctively reach for Kit’s hair for stability, before realising touching Kit would likely lead to Jade retaliating the tickling sensation. So they diverted to their own hair, lacing their fingers behind their head in some bizarre vertical crunches pose, with each horizontal press and drag of chocolate causing them to tense. In this moment, Jade had never been so grateful that Kit favoured touching their upper torso. This was good torture, being one hundred percent at Kit’s mercy. Trying not to laugh just made them snort, which caused further tensing. Eventually, Kit put the muffins and stick down, only to jam her thumbs into Jade’s obliques for the final long lines up their sides.

It was over. Jade could breathe again. Kit was matching their exuberant smile as she collected the tools and stood. Kit wasn’t finished though, and set her sights on Jade’s arms. It was slightly ticklish on the exposed undersides while their fingers were still locked behind their head, but they held steady. Which was more than Kit was, as she slipped on chocolate on the floor. Jade quickly grabbed for her, encircling her with both arms. Kit keened forward, bracing her hands on Jade’s chest, her hair tousling onto Jade’s face. She pulled back, steady and smiling reassurance. Kit studied the impressions her hair had made in the chocolate, and down at the massive prints left on the compressor. She stepped back so Jade could see the full results in the mirror.

Jade liked how they looked. When had Kit become such a good artist? Because Jade couldn’t picture Kit sitting still like a lady to paint. Or was it the subject matter of Jade’s form? They knew Kit liked looking, no longer hiding glances the way they both used to. But this was intimate study and sculpting of Jade’s anatomy seen working through their skin. Jade watched the swallow in their throat and the shadow that moved with it. They grinned at the hairy handiwork across their chest that would conceal nipples. Really, really impressed with the abdominal definition and what it took to achieve. That part looked better than the dormant Cuirass. Somehow it accentuated their freckles, defining constellations.

Jade turned to Kit and smiled warmly. “Thank you. I’d hug you, but you know.” Jade gestured at their physique with arguably the only part of skin that didn’t have chocolate on. Why did looking like a man mean touching Kit less? It was the one person Jade didn’t want to flee from their appearance. Equally, Kit gestured with her open hands that she wanted to hug but couldn’t without adding more.

Jade turned back to the mirror, contemplating more additions. They scratched a few more hair lines into their jawline. They continued the line down the centre of their chest as there would still be muscle definition there. At the base of the compressor they hesitated, and looked to Kit in the reflection to ask, “Are there any red jam ones?”

Kit disappeared and returned with opened raspberry muffins. Jade took one and set a horizontal line across their whole chest where surgery scars would be, thick and messy. Surgery would be safer here than the Wildwood for sanitation, for both the operation and the recovery. But how would they get personal time off when there was a war coming?

Music brought Jade from their thoughts. They looked to Kit to make sure they weren’t imagining it. Kit nodded nonchalantly that it was happening. Just another castle sound to adjust to. Kit ate the muffin and Jade followed suit.

Kit offered her a downturned palm. “Would you like to lead me in a dance?”

“No,” Jade huffed. “You can always do that.” And it was true. Even if they were wearing trousers. Whatever manhood may look like for Jade, they were never going to lead in partner dance. They only danced like that for Kit, so Kit could always lead. It made more sense in their head, as Kit was royalty. If they were in the Wildwood, it was a different kind of dance. Freeform or groups, but cohesive celebration all the same. Everyone in the Wildwood wanted to be there, a different energy to the royal functions.

Kit turned her palm upwards and Jade placed theirs in it, completing the chocolate coverage. There was a joke the other knights made about masturbation giving you hairy palms but Jade wasn’t going to say it here. Neither of them really talked about sex growing up as a personal thing, beyond Kit saying she had orgasmed one night after reading a romance book out the private library. Kit had offered the book to Airk but he had wrinkled his nose at romance, the way boys do. Kit had offered it to Jade and while they had read it, Kit hadn’t pressed them to see if Jade had a similar response. It was on the mental list of things Jade had noticed and wanted to ask Kit about, but had set it for after the bath in case it upset her out of having one. For now, they were getting dirty, with Kit holding Jade’s nape and Jade holding Kit’s waist. It was an unstructured, slow sway around the space between the railings and the sofa.

“So, Sir Knight,” Kit started loudly, like she was announcing some strange visitor to a court. “What do I call you?”

It felt amazing to be called that, rather than Dame. Jade’s heart swelled, making his chest broaden with pride and love. So enamoured, that he didn’t register the twinkle in Kit’s eyes that belied the deadpan delivery of what she spoke next.

“Jasper?”

Jade groaned exasperatedly, and Kit’s face broke into a full mischievous grin. Jade could tell Kit had been holding onto that all day. A red gemstone that occasionally had dots on it? Really? While his fingers were primed to tickle Kit’s waist, which lacked the protective leather armour, Jade remembered what he had wanted to do for a while.

“Your Highness, can I kiss you?” he asked in the same play along tone.

Kit’s eyes dropped to Jade’s chocolate coated jawline and lips, and licked her own before nodding. Jade bent forward until his lips ghosted Kit’s, closed their eyes, and waited for the inhale. Kit pressed her lips gently against Jade’s slightly parted ones and she sighed into it. Jade moaned, as he always did when it had been too long between kisses. But he was always grateful. He was never taking it for granted. While Jade was keen to taste Kit herself, Kit was prioritising the chocolate. Kit led, exhaling, smiling her joy, inhaling, kissing a different part of Jade’s lips. He was responsive to her breath on his cheek and the tug of her smile to both maximise the kiss and stop her from panicking if he held on for too long.

He smiled in synchronicity, too. Maybe he’d been waiting for this particular kiss longer than a night. Maybe he’d been pushing down hope for kissing Kit in her bed chamber for years. Jade’s smile at the realisation broke the rhythm. He realised, and softened. Kit captured Jade’s upper lip and licked into his mouth in front of his teeth after the chocolate. But that wasn’t the best part. Kit breathed in while doing so, so their lips stayed together as Kit tasted. Jade didn’t know if the swaying sensation was from dancing or how light headed he was getting. In any case, it was safer to relax his mouth and let Kit explore. And she did, the soft press of her tongue making a full circle tour of both lips to get the coating out of Jade’s mouth and off his chin and into her, without breaking contact. Not the only thing sliding, as the saliva to keep his open mouth moist was moving down his bowed head. He didn’t want to drool, so he squeezed Kit’s waist to push her back slightly. She released immediately, resting their foreheads together instead.

“I like it when you moan,” she said breathlessly, through her winning smile.

Jade pursed his swollen lips together and swallowed, before joining her in open mouthed breathlessness. “I like it when you kiss me,” he responded truthfully. His brain caught up faster than his breathing that Kit’s takeaway from this new experience was… that. He added it to the mental list.

Kit pulled her head back to look at her work. Jade was also looking at her work, as her face now had a messy beard, and chocolate coated teeth. Jade snorted. Kit matched her laugh, but grew more contemplative as she realised she resembled Jade.

“What would you call me?” Kit asked; inviting, curious.

Jade bit at his lip, contemplating. He knew saying Kit wasn’t what she was after, even if it suited her as she curled around his back at night like a travel sack full of essentials. He toyed with saying Airk, even though her twin couldn’t grow much beyond stubble, as payback for Jasper. Kit liked matching those she loved, like when Jade got a metal earring to match his tattoo, she’d been disappointed her mother only permitted pierced lobes. Taramis perhaps, for the right to choose your own life, or was Kit already named after some legendary hero as royalty often did? Were names gifts from other people? Jade still liked his name, despite the doubt that Kael gave it to him. He remembered his mother using it, and he held onto the memories of her through it. Jade remembered his mother used words beyond the common tongue. As Jade pondered, he kept flitting between Kit’s blue eyes framed by her dark hair. The Barrier tinted the night sky blue, and it made the stars distant somehow. The quest had reminded Jade that stars were full of life, colour and fire. Like opal. Jade still counted the stars as he didn’t want to lose them, that connection to a greater something. Like Kit. Kit had come to life outside the Barrier, and he wished to keep that brilliant fire beyond the blue.

“Seren,” he said, hoping to convey the Star meaning beyond the language barrier.

Kit creased her forehead a little, then sighed happily and squeezed Jade’s shoulders. “Much better than Dove,” she affirmed, still in a teasing mood about her brother’s name for Elora.

Kit had led them a slow circuit back to the mirror. The lantern was keeping the condensation off the glass, so Jade could see his form again. His side profile change was more pronounced, like he’d lost symmetry with a flattened chest but prominent backside.

“Is someone else catching your eye?” Kit carried on her theatrical thread. “The punishment is severe.”

That was all the warning Jade got, before Kit jammed her fingers into his armpits and tickled. The reflex to clamp down his arms only made things worse, sealing her fingers in the curls above the compressor. Jade barked laughing, and his retaliation was swift, tickling Kit’s waist. Kit laughed, but the dulling shirt fabric gave her some composure. Her cocky smile indicated she’d got what she wanted, but Jade was going to give her so much more. His longer reach allowed him to push her until her hands were free, before pulling her back in and sliding his hands into Kit’s armpits. Kit yelped delightedly. She was squirming away, so he dropped one hand to encircle her waist to pull her flush. But Kit went rigid again with the same raised eyebrows as she’d done last night. It was brief, and Kit didn’t seem to consciously realise. But Jade wanted her to be comfortable, so he loosened his hold.

Kit’s advantage was dexterity. She reached down to grab Jade’s lower arm to twist herself free. She was backing off towards the sofa. A quick turn, and she stepped on it, and onto the back of it, and then onto the bed. Jade followed, his long strides covering the distance of Kit’s bed chamber much quicker than when they were kids. The mattress dipped more under his weight, too. Kit sprung off the mattress and deftly ran past the fireplace to stand by the mirror. Jade stayed on the bed and moved to the bottom corner, a tactical advantage with protection from the footboard and sofa, and height to catch up Kit’s distance. So Kit feigned coming back to the fireplace, only to quickly back away and beyond the covered railings of the bathing area.

Jade strategized two things. First, Kit could keep avoiding him by circling the bath and adjacent table until someone slipped, but this depended on how confident she was around deep water. Second, she had an even chance of grappling him from behind while he was holding the sheet to come through. Jade stepped off the bed with a loud thud; better to intimidate as moving the sheet denied stealth. As he lifted the fabric, his split second of vision revealed he’d picked the side to come through which Kit was furthest from. But that advantage was immediately negated, as Kit threw her shirt into his face. Kit’s hands soon found Jade’s waist again, and her delighted laugh matched his as she tickled. Jade grabbed Kit’s hands to prise them off his skin, so she wrapped her arms around him instead to delay retaliation. He stepped sideways and then stepped back, pressing Kit against the railings so she could only escape parallel, which would give him access to her torso. Jade reached his left hand back to grab under Kit’s knee and lifted. And lifted. Kit was coming off the floor lopsided and her laughs took on a desperation. As did Kit’s hands, as they slid down Jade’s torso and made a grab for the harness as she was being tipped. Jade bent his knees and gently fell sideways to lower them to the ground, before tearing the shirt from his face. Kit couldn’t scramble away fast enough from Jade’s determined look, and he soon straddled her legs and pinned her to the floor. Kit knew there was nothing she could do as Jade sat upright and tickled her naked waist. The laughter kept her immobilised. Her arms were too short to reach his armpits, and he easily blocked her attempts to reach his waist. In the end, she just held onto his forearms for dear life. Kit squirmed and laughed with wild abandon, which was infectious. They needed this, Jade realised. To let go, to not care who heard, as happiness reverberated around the walls. The friendship love he’d shied away from, when he’d mistook duty for loneliness. Jade had never felt so in love. He wanted to make Kit laugh like this forever.

“I yield!” Kit exclaimed around ragged breaths.

Jade stopped tickling, and Kit’s hands slid off his forearms as she relaxed into the wooden floor as much as her erratic breathing would allow. Eventually she propped herself up on her elbows, tried to blow the chocolate-sticky hair from her face. It prompted her to look down herself and then up at Jade, which just caused more laughter. Jade repeated her eye journey. They were a mess. The muscle definition and adult hair had smeared into obscurity. On the off chance anyone did see this, they would think Kit couldn’t keep her hands to herself, while Jade had restricted his touch to Kit’s arms, waist and lips, as the weaponised shirt concealed his other pursuits. Also, if anyone did come in now, he’d likely throw himself over Kit as a shield, as she was naked from the waist up. Protecting Kit had many facets, including her right to not wear chest coverings when royal duties were done for the day, in her own bed chamber. The pendant didn’t constitute attire.

“Airk’s didn’t have a harness,” Kit broke her thoughts. Evidently, Jade’s face indicated he needed more context for that, as Kit continued around her still-laboured breathing. “When he started chasing girls. He got the -,” she swallowed. “– pouch bits to go over his own, so he looked -,” another swallow. “- more attractive to girls that like that.” A steadying breath. “He doesn’t any more. He grew out of it. Into it? Girls like how he is.”

Jade had a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings. That split second that Airk may be like Jade, and this whole royal lineage thing could have been done between Airk and Graydon instead of Kit. Fondness that the twins shared lots of things, and likely why Kit uniquely could save his spirit from the Crone. Anger that Jade had lost any brothers, to talk about the things he was questioning. Loneliness that Jade’s self-imposed isolation as he had gotten older had stopped him from thinking of Airk as a brother. Icky at thinking about men’s natural endowment. Curious as to what you could fill the pouches with, as he had been storing the sea sponges he used for his period there for future convenience. Mental list addition that Kit was okay with Airk’s anatomy.

Kit was still panting for breath. Jade stood up, and pulled on Kit’s hands to help her stand.

“Let’s get a drink,” Jade offered, moving towards the curtain.

Kit shook her head. “I’ll do it. You start with the bath. See how things behave.”

Kit gave him a fond pat on the back, before disappearing. Jade picked Kit’s chocolate covered shirt off the floor and put it over the railings next to his, before divesting his socks, trousers and base linen, and adding those to the pile. The moon and lantern light gave Jade a clearer view of his new anatomy, a strange contrast between his chocolate-darkened physique above the harness and his natural colour beneath it. The leather suited both.

Jade tested the water with his elbow. It was the right side of scalding for him, so he stepped into the copper tub and leaned his back against the higher side closest to the chamber door. His muscles yielded under the intense heat, audibly cracking where sinew and tendons joined bone. Every part of him sank heavy. Bliss. Jade looked to see himself through the clear water, which eddied under his chin. The staff had filled it for Kit’s volume, and they hadn’t put any kind of oils or soaps in. The knight’s baths automatically came with analgesics like wintergreen, and strong herbs like rosemary to get rid of horse odour and tone down warrior sweat. While leather could get wet, Jade wondered if bath temperature and the herbs and oils would strip the tanning.

“Is it floating?” Kit’s voice came from somewhere near the fireplace.

“No?”

“It’s supposed to. Catch.”

A water skin sailed high over the railing, and Jade reflexively caught it with a resounding splash. He blew into it, put his thumb over the metal to keep it airtight, and pulled it beneath the surface. It resisted, so he wrestled his forearm over it to keep it submerged at hip height. His pouch was being equally uncooperative, the sponges deciding they liked being filled with water and sinking their cocoon. The attempts broke the water like flatulence, but Kit wasn’t laughing at the sounds so Jade believed her. Made sense, as his chest floated when free so maybe all adult body forms did. In the end, Jade just grabbed the pouch to pull it upright, to give the air from the water skin the longest percolation time to saturate the sponges. Once the big bubbles cleared the bath, Jade was presented with something that floated, so he let go. The water skin rapidly popped to the surface. His pouch waved in the calmer depths.

It was weird. Jade had read about male erections in romance books and pregnancy education, and had mostly blocked it from memory as something he would never encounter. Penetration meant injury, potentially fatal, to Jade’s knight mentality. But he was thinking about a new life now. The leather still took heat from its environment, faking the blood rush of natural males. Jade’s own hand throbbed from the water heat. So he wrapped his fingers around the shaft and squeezed lightly. A thin line of tiny bubbles released from the tip and made a foam island on the water surface. Shit. It was coming off, for Kit’s sake. Jade got the harness straps undone with a subconscious ease and dropped it on the floor beneath the small table. The water skin followed. The compressor, however, was as fiddly as a dress. The hot water had made the lacing tighter, so Jade couldn’t unknot it from the awkward angle on his side.

“Kit? A little help,” he called, kneeling up in the bath to get the fabric above the water level.

Kit appeared through the curtain, holding two cups of steaming liquid. She saw Jade picking at the knot, and put the drinks on the table before kneeling to assist. Her dry fingers made quick work of untying the lacing on both sides. Helping to pull the loosened garment over Jade’s head was more of an effort. Now it had chocolate on the inside, too. While his arms were raised in front of him, Kit had a different focus.

“Jade, that’s too tight.” Kit’s voice was full of concern at the red indents over his ribs where the lacing had been.

Her fingers ghosted over the pseudo-welts. It wasn’t ticklish. The overriding sensation was delayed muscle release, different to the bath heat. The compressor had been taking the strain of muscle use, like physician’s bandages for an injury. Wearing it was making Jade weaker, less competent as a knight. He couldn’t wear it all the time as it was damaging his skin, and that risked fighting with less force if caught without it, as they had been numerous times on the quest.

“I won’t wear it tomorrow,” Jade reassured, at Kit’s continued concerned look. Maybe the distraction from her own fears would help Kit get in the bath. He dropped the compressor over the harness, before turning to face Kit. “Are you going to join me?”

Kit looked at Jade, then at the water level, and swallowed. She slowly stepped back, hands at the tie for her trousers. But Kit’s confidence at helping Jade had evaporated when it came to her own issues, and she fumbled. Jade was quick to get out the bath with no sense of modesty. Kit needed him. Jade laced his fingers through hers to still them, turned their bodies so she couldn’t see the water, and walked them towards the railings.

“We match,” Jade said, gesturing with their joined hands at the chocolate band across their midriffs. Kit figured out on her own that the absence of Jade’s top meant they both had clean chest skin, and it was the first tug of a smile on her face. Jade hoped the familiarity of his body would help, and his touch. “I won’t tickle,” he began, and gently separated their hands. Kit watched as Jade slid his wet index finger across her abdomen, making five intersecting lines in the shape of a star. Kit seemed to realise he’d named her, and her smile grew bigger and softer. A crease appeared on her forehead, presumably Kit figuring how to symbolise his name. He half expected her to cover him in dots like Jasper, as the hot water had tinted his flesh red. But she was just as sincere, gathering chocolate on her index fingers from his abdomen and drawing a pair of symmetrical diagonal lines on his chest, like his Bone Reaver armour. The central line was finished at the top with a dot for the pendant. They matched. They belonged. Their smiles radiated warmth.

“What drinks did you make?” Jade tried to keep her tethered.

“Cocoa with cardamom,” Kit replied, looking over to the bath table.

They both approached. Kit had already drunk most of hers before bringing it from the fireplace. Jade found hers to be equally consumable, with the long absence of dairy milk, sweet spice, and dried cocoa beans making the palette keen. Jade squeezed Kit’s arm in appreciation as he downed it in one, the bath heat making him extra thirsty. He put his cup down on the floor and moved to the wooden dresser where the towels and bath oils were kept. He remembered the royal fragrances on Kit from last night, and realised they were yellow and brown – colours of the Skellin lake. No wonder she needed him. Jade picked purple lavender to help calm, and green aloe vera to hydrate. He put his arm in the bath to pull the plug, reducing the water level to something less stressful. Kit nodded and he resealed, and added the oils before returning the jars to the cupboard. The towels and sponges were in a different section. He offered them to Kit, only to see her still fumbling with the trouser cord.

“We can stay out the bath and wipe down,” he offered.

Kit shook her head. He understood. They had had moons of cursory cleaning with others nearby and deserved this urban repose.

“Do you want me to do it?” Jade gestured at the cord.

At her nod, Jade put the towels and sponge on the table and then easily undid the bind. He squeezed both her upper arms to instil confidence and let her go put the rest of her clothes on the combined railing pile, while he stood in the bath and offered a hand. She took it, and stepped in, back facing him. Jade put his arms between hers and grabbed for the metal sides, and sat down with his knees either side of her. Kit waited for the water to settle, before using the stepping stones he had created, holding on to his forearms to lower herself, and then hug his knees once sitting. Jade used his freed hands to grab the sponge, wet it, and gently rub Kit’s back in small circles. He realised giving Kit more food on the quest was the right choice, as her ribs weren’t such pronounced indents like his. The royal physician was right about Kit needing rest. They were both wrecks: No magic to sustain them like Elora, and the full journey rather than the half Airk had done; pushing to get to the safety of the Barrier to recover, without wanting to acknowledge the full extent as to why. They’d definitely be eating muffins for breakfast.

Once Kit started moving with his touch, he knew she was relaxed enough for him to clean himself of food and skin. It stung a bit on his sides but he didn’t agitate the water much in response. Jade scrubbed his face, while his hair got a token brush. Clean, he leaned forward to touch Kit’s back with his torso, intending to bathe her arms. She leaned into him, finding comfort in the familiarity of his form, and then pressed further. Cleaning could wait. Jade released the sponge and took Kit’s momentum until his back rested on the copper. Kit brought her knees up so her spine curved into him, and she pulled his arms across her midriff. Finally, she tucked her head under his chin and sighed. They could have lain like that for hours, but the condensation on their exposed skin indicated it had only been a few minutes. They were safe, and the safety allowed thoughts beyond immediate survival.

“Do you think Scorpia would accept me?” Jade asked.

“She accepts Boorman,” came Kit’s reply.

It was true. At some point on the Shattered Sea, Kit was washing her bloodied pads and Jade his sponges in deeper pools, when Boorman had come over with some that needed cleaning. Initially, they joked he was doing stuff for the Chosen One, only for him retort that he’d run out of the herbs that masculinised him so his hormones had synced up with everyone. Since then, Jade had had lots of intermittent thoughts, often angry, which he kept pushing away to focus on the quest and then getting back. Thoughts like, why hadn’t he been told about such herbs? Did Boorman do it to become a knight easier? How young did he start the herbs? Because Boorman must have accessed them in Tir Asleen. Now Jade was realising he must have access to them in the Wildwood, too. Was Scorpia taking them herself? Was this a ritual of the free people, changing their bodies from what they had been born into?

Kit was absentmindedly stroking Jade’s arms with her thumbs. It changed Jade’s thoughts to the scar on Kit’s right arm from the throwing star. He knew the compressor was a fighting disadvantage, so if he was removing his chest there would be scars. Scorpia had lots of scar tattoos, and Jade already had his ear, and his inked nape. He imagined walking unbound in the forest, with the horizontal chest line the soil from which a great tree grew, like Scorpia’s forehead mark, with a star above, for how he saw Kit. Keeping the two people he loved most close to his heart, the way Kit always wore the pendant he had made for her when they were kids. Even now, Kit hadn’t taken it off. When the sliding knot of the first cord broke, it had been replaced with a metal clasp, and Kit refused to shorten it, wanting to keep it the length Jade had made it, despite the impracticality during sparring. Kit had also taken to wearing her shirts open since getting it, but only as far as the pendant. Maybe it was Kit’s way of saying she loved Jade, keeping them close but allowing freedom, and not concealing it. The only time Jade could recall Kit not wearing it was the wedding eve feast, where Kit had complained her mother had chosen her outfit. Sorsha had chosen a green necklace, but it was opaque malachite rather than jade, with the banding matching the clothes. The one Jade had found for Kit was full of fire, always changing.

The wedding. The goodbye kiss. The quest for Airk. Elora Danan. The memories flashed by, but the thought of Elora’s growing magical capabilities made Jade ponder. Could Elora transform bodies? Instantly, so Jade wouldn’t be recovering from surgery with the pending war? Would he stand in front of a mirror as he tried different bodies? Muscular, definitely. Flat chested, absolutely. Hair in more places? Hmm. Boorman’s surgery scars were obscured beneath hair and ink tattoos, and Jade wanted to feature his. Maybe scars were marking a moment in your life to look back on, claiming your body as your own, showing everyone what was important to you. Kit had a scar from the Crone’s disciples which had healed slowly in salty air. Did Kit think of how Jade had distracted her in order to remove the weapon? But maybe magic was cheating, the way Airk had been mutilated by the Crone’s possession, but Kit’s equally transformative love had left him with only feint facial creases. What about natural male endowment? Probably not. Jade wanted to be flat everywhere for combat proficiency, and for Kit to be comfortable.

Magical body transformation was just an idea, but the fantasy persisted. Thoughts of Jade protecting the royal bloodline because he was a part of it. Ensuring Scorpia accepted Kit as a Bone Reaver as she was blood family. Magic making children with freckled ashen skin and black afro hair, or dark physique with starlight in their eyes. Jade was so caught up in his imaginings that when Kit asked him what he was thinking, he spoke before realising.

“Do you think the Cuirass protects the unborn?”

Kit tensed a fraction faster than Jade, disturbing the water. Kit sat up and whipped her head around to look at Jade, with slight panic in her eyes. “What did the Crone do to you?”

Oh. On the journey home, Kit had mentioned something about the Crone giving her and Elora a different fantasy choice to serve the Wyrm, which they both rejected. Presumably, Airk’s desire for Kingship was his choice, tied up with his romantic feelings for Elora. All Jade got was being turned to stone in a dust storm outside. Still, Jade tried not to smirk at Kit’s face, which was going on its own fantasy. It wasn’t about sharpening the blades above her fireplace to carve Wyrm spawn from his abdomen, but a softer one of surprise parenthood. He should probably say something before Kit grew up too fast. Jade should definitely say something before Kit started panicking in the water.

“Kit, our periods are synced up.”

Kit’s eyes flitted between Jade’s, making absolutely sure, because pregnancy changed everything. She accepted this reality and settled back down. Jade could feel Kit’s heart trying to calm itself, despite the elevated water temperature. Jade’s own heart swelled at how quickly Kit had wanted to step into that responsibility. The fantasy of them being pregnant together wouldn’t happen, as there was only one Cuirass and a distinct shortage of Fae to make more magical armour. Jade was unsure if the Cuirass only worked for Fae descendants, even corrupted lineages, and carrying Kit’s child would convince the armour to work for him. Magic permitting. The harsh reality was that knights didn’t live long in war time. Kase had gotten old, and fat, as the Barrier had given complacency against threats, and he promptly died outside of it before the quest had really begun. While Kit had reaffirmed lifelong commitment to Jade, would that be when their fingers were as wrinkled as the bath was making them? Or would they die protecting Elora, and the red-haired Tanthalos children would be the Empress’ and King Airk’s?

Jade hugged Kit, encircling her waist more and lifting her out the bath a little with the movement. Kit hummed in appreciation. It helped ground him in the present. Kit was here. They were young. They were still having periods. He wasn’t going to wait for them to stop naturally, as he knew Sorsha was old enough to not produce more heirs. Jade would go to the market tomorrow to see if the Cashmere traders had any of the herbs that stopped them. They might have a type that stopped periods while keeping you a woman, for Kit. They would both be better knights without periods throwing their coordination and draining them of energy, and the faint metallic scent that could alert the enemy of their location.

Kit pulled Jade to her present thoughts. “Do you remember when my mother told you to leave your period stuff with mine?”

Jade did remember. He’d started periods only a little earlier than Kit, despite being a year or so older. They were that synced up. His started a day before and finished a day after, and were more even, while Kit got drained of what little colour she had for three days. Jade thought it a little strange that Sorsha had told him to bring or leave his sponges and base linens in Kit’s bed chamber, but wasn’t complaining. He was the only knight in training that had them, as peacetime recruitment was low. He didn’t want the bloodied garments washed with his armour and everyone else’s while he was adjusting to this new inconvenience. Jade would have thought Sorsha would get the royal physician to make Kit’s periods kinder, if kindness was her aim. Over the years, Jade occasionally ended up with Kit’s linens, and he’d only realise as he couldn’t get them past his thighs. Having spares made the times Kit slept in his bed during bleeding easier. The order to stop having his supplies get the royal treatment came as abruptly as it had started. Almost as quickly came the engagement announcement. Jade had lost lots of connections to Kit in that period.

Jade’s thoughts turned to suspicion. He wasn’t sure when to vocalise it to Kit, as they were trying to share their thoughts rather than conceal doubts. On the journey home, Kit had revisited why she had called Jade Elora when Willow had revealed her true identity. A brown skin mark, red hair, an outside the Barrier accent, a little older than the twins, with intimate access to the royal court? Kit thought Jade was being used as a decoy for Elora Danan. It made Jade a target as a child for any who served the Crone, because as an orphan he could have been raised by anyone in the lower town. Or even raised as castle staff like the real Elora, and encouraged into knighthood rather than consumed by it at home. When they made camp that evening, Jade had found a fallen tree and sliced through it like he was beheading an army. Kit gave him space and vigil, only coming to collect the wood once his anger had been worked out of his body from the full height blade strokes. The resultant fire allowed distance from the group, where Kit held him under their shared bedding while he silently wept. Kit had nuzzled his neck, using her nose to repeatedly trace his tattoo. Eventually, Kit’s rhythmic touching of the outer circle and the six connected loops inside had soothed him into sleep.

Jade relaxed his hold on Kit, in case what he said made her want to get out the bath.

“I think Sorsha was stopping people from realising you were an adult.”

It didn’t feel like protection. Periods meant pregnancy, meant royal bloodlines. Jade’s blood delayed those that sought succession. Someone in the royal court must have realised; an informant for Galladoorn. Maybe it was why the physician didn’t provide herbs to stop Kit’s blood being debilitating, as the supply would be easy to trace. It was too much coincidence that the engagement came right after the dirty laundry stopped. It was another expression of Kit’s body belonging to other people. Kept in a childlike state meant more restrictions, like bed times and bath times. Maybe it was why Kit didn’t talk about sex, as Sorsha hadn’t given her the education. Kit had been put into an arranged marriage without any warning of what was expected of her body. How much earlier would the marriage alliance have been without Jade covering? In that moment, Jade vowed to stop anyone from Galladoorn touching Kit, in blood. Elora would just have to work harder at uniting people.

“That means you were kept as a woman,” Kit said solemnly. “To keep Elora hidden.”

“I love you,” came Jade’s immediate reply, kissing Kit’s temple in the rush of feeling. Kit felt like a gift he didn’t deserve, and that gift quelled his anger. How could she focus on Jade and his delayed exploration? They both could have had herbs sooner. Whatever Kit’s thinking, Jade kept his lips pressed against her damp skin, conveying his gratitude. Kit breathed it in, making her buoyant. He anchored her to his island in this oasis. They didn’t have to rush to get back to a group for safety. Time passed without words. Kit and Jade breathed in to each other. The sounds of music faded away to give clarity to persistent rain. The fireplace dimmed. Lanterns flickered. Water cooled. Flesh exposed to air developed goose bumps.

“Are you ready to get out?” Jade asked with some reluctance, but he knew lying in cooling water would undo the muscle soak.

Kit nodded, and Jade released her so she could stand up. He got out, but Kit stayed in and reached for his hand.

“Can you stay while I put my head under?” Kit asked, uncertainty crossing her features.

Jade nodded, taking her hand, and he knelt next to the bath as Kit sat back down. Kit took a deep breath and slowly lowered herself into the space Jade had left. Jade watched for bubbles, felt for tension in her fingers, but Kit was calm and conscious. She surfaced just as calmly, not letting the water streaming from her hair across her face rush her. She smiled, then breathed out, and then in. Jade squeezed her hand with pride. He didn’t want her to catch a chill, especially not with how drained she was, so he used the momentum of him standing to help her up.

Jade grabbed the towels and handed one to her. Kit dried her hair so she could see, and realised the persistent chocolate on her skin. Jade retrieved the sponge for her. He wrapped his towel across his chest and headed to the fireplace to stoke it, adding more wood to increase the light and dry off quicker. He tried not to drip on the tapestry carpet while the heat worked its magic on his body and the pan of water for more drinks. Kit was pulling the bedsheets off the railings and putting them on the floor around the bath. One good thing about travelling was leaving detritus behind, while indoors they had to clean up. Or the castle staff would, Jade supposed. Although what the staff would make of everything being on the floor was anyone’s guess. For now, Kit and Jade moved effortlessly. Kit brought the cups to the hearth. Jade left the fire to get all their clothes, in case Kit wasn’t comfortable with his body modifiers under the table. He dropped everything by his armour to help dry them, making some concealment for the harness and compressor from the view of the door. He had all day tomorrow to clean them.

Kit rummaged through her ottoman and draped the desired items over the bed’s footboard, before pulling Jade away from his travel sack where his sleeping clothes were. He didn’t even get chance to pick up the shirt he’d lent Kit, before she handed him a silk scarf. There were perks to letting himself be loved by a princess, which now included hair wraps designed to reduce frizz more than his cotton ones. While he adjusted his crown, Kit presented him with a blue velvet tunic with silk sleeves that would bury her. He only hesitated in undoing his towel for the thought that maybe he should have put it on his waist in the first place? But it was a strange thought, as he’d wrapped up against the temperature with damp skin. Why did natural men suffer for no reason, for the sake of showing their nipples? Whatever, Jade was indulging in playing royal dress up. He took his towel off, cleaned the last bits of chocolate transfer from his forearms, and threw it onto the dirty pile.

Kit laughed at his eagerness for the new garment, and walked around him, intending to dress him. First one hand into the sleeve, then the other, and then pulled up and onto his shoulders. Jade got chance to look down at the novelty of not seeing red for about three seconds, before Kit’s arms were around his waist. Thankfully, Jade did not say Kit, you’re wet out loud. His intention was for them to get dry, but he was choosing his words carefully for what he wanted to ask later. Jade was mostly covered, as the tunic came mid-thigh on him, and Kit’s bad impersonation of a waist sash was keeping the front gaping down the centre of his torso. Jade did wonder if he was about to get grappled to the floor, and he’d let her as it was a nice, soft looking pile of embroidered velvet blankets and cushions. Jade couldn’t see trousers set out, as absolutely none of Kit’s would fit him. But he couldn’t see any clothes for her, either. Was Kit getting dressed? He’d delayed his asking in part due to her prior nudity.

“Thank you. For the bath,” Kit hummed into Jade’s back.

Jade savoured the gratitude for as long as his worry for Kit’s wellbeing allowed. “You need to get dry,” Jade insisted, taking sidesteps towards the fire and bringing Kit along with him. She didn’t let go, until Jade bent over to get the cups. The resultant piggyback made Kit squeal, and as tickling this close to flames would be dangerous, she slid off and basked in the drying heat. Without the unorthodox sash, Jade’s tunic became a tent for his legs as he set about making drinks to replenish themselves. The cocoa milk had kept its heat in the heavy pan, and he added honey to the cups for energy. Kit sipped at it, while Jade left his in search of trousers from his sack. Dressed, he offered both of his shirts to Kit but she shook her head. She smoothed her hand over her towelled abdomen, before going to the bed and pulling her satin pyjamas from between the mattress and headboard.

Jade set his eyes to the fire, the cocoa to his lips, and gathered his thoughts. Thoughts of Kit saying Back in your scabbards, and her being grossed out at the mention of the Malatrium book being bound in the skin of a Satyr, even though her waist armour was leather. Something specific about horny goat men repulsed her rather than animal skin. Jade also thought about how they managed periods. Kit never used internal sponges, exclusively using oilskins lined with sheep’s wool or linen squares. But was Kit’s repulsion just male endowment, to penetration, or to sex in general?

Kit had come to join him, mirroring his kneeling pose by the hearth. She could see the thought lines across his face, and he could see an invitation to share them in Kit’s.

“You don’t have to answer,” Jade began, biting his lip, “but do you still do the thing like after you’ve read a romance book?”

Kit quirked an eyebrow. That wasn’t what she expected. It was such an obscure memory to recall, and Jade knew when Kit remembered as her cheeks tinged red beyond the reflection of her clothes. Kit swallowed, and looked into her cup. “Not on the quest.”

“Me neither,” Jade offered solidarity. He didn’t want to isolate her like the questioning from Sorsha about their time away. Kit still enjoyed her body sexually. That hadn’t been declined.

“I can get you nymph butter,” Kit interrupted Jade’s thoughts.

Oh. Jade shook his head. He didn’t need that. He smiled at Kit thinking about him enjoying his body. In truth, it had been longer than the quest since Jade had chosen to please himself. The act made his strong thighs weak immediately afterwards. Unlike any other body conditioning, doing it more just made the resultant weakness stronger, and slowing down the build-up prepared an additional weakness to follow. Jade couldn’t shake the feeling he had to be prepared at all times to protect. His body still insisted these parts worked though, in his sleep. As inconvenient as bleeding but more pleasant. And when his sleep wasn’t good enough on the quest, his body found release while bathing, in the touch of fast flowing water against wetted skin. The slow, shallow pulses that glassed his vision the indicator that his gasp wasn’t from the cold immersion.

Jade gently pressed on. “Do you think about people when you do it?” At Kit’s bemused look, he picked Kit’s idol. “Taramis?”

This time both Kit’s eyebrows raised, but not in defence. It had never crossed Kit’s mind to fantasise about a women everyone considered gorgeous in her day. And judging by the lack of flush, Kit hadn’t thought of Jade, either.

“Do you?”

“Only when I’m asleep,” Jade said, truthfully. He drank his cocoa, hoping to hide his expression as he pushed down the dreams of Kit in the Cuirass with the swallows. His subconscious had only ever presented Kit to him, and he’d woken up aching, ashamed, afraid. When it felt like taking advantage, even when he only pictured Kit responding to his touch between her thighs, as that’s all the reference he had from touching himself. His comfort was that when awake, he could rationalise that, like the nightmares of his family’s death, his dreams wouldn’t hold power over him. The purity of his protective love buried those visitations. He only wanted to touch Kit with consent.

Jade took Kit’s previous ease with discussing her twin to continue. “When Airk chases girls, what do you think he’s after?”

Kit scoffed. “Kissing and rolling in the grass.”

“But what does that mean?” Jade pressed, knowing that phrases had taken on additional meanings as his body had grown into its adult shape.

“Grass stains? More laundry for the staff? Broken hearts?” Kit offered more literal interpretations.

“Do you think Airk did it for love?”

Kit’s confusion was matched by Jade’s conviction. Something in Kit’s mind knew that what Airk did was different, but didn’t come with a visual. Airk chased while Kit looked. Airk moved on while Kit committed. The times Kit had straddled Jade had come with love declarations, first her blessing to be a knight, the second time the actual word. And kisses, even if one felt like goodbye and the other came at Jade’s insistence. In Kit’s mind, straddling didn’t come with embarrassment for new experiences, or thought as to how Jade could take it. It was grappling practice. It was tickle fights. It wasn’t sex. Sex wasn’t love.

“Where do you feel our love strongest?”

Kit immediately pointed to her heart, where the pendant he gave her was. Her smile was brilliant, and Jade matched it.

“Do you feel it anywhere else?”

Kit looked down at her body, and then around herself, before looking at Jade. Like it was an exam and she needed help answering. Jade kept a soft smile, not moving to point anywhere at himself or her. There wasn’t a wrong answer. Eventually, Kit gestured in the space between them.

Jade had read books about different types of love for his knight training. Stars. Nature. Community. Family. Friendship. Romantic. Sexual. The oaths he would swear were earth bound and distant, not cosmic or intimate. The book made comment to be blessed as those who were celibate without desire.

“Kit, I think you’re asexual.” At Kit’s head shake that it was an unfamiliar word, he clarified, “It means you don’t have any interest in having sex with other people.”

Kit’s face was a strange blend. Confident that she was like that, as she had always been like that. Confusion as to why it needed saying.

“I feel it the same ways you do,” Jade assured. “But there’s also - It’s like a line from my heart to this heaviness between my hips.” Jade really should have checked to see how big the gap in the tunic was before gesturing, but Kit’s confusion wasn’t easing. “Like I’ve read a romance book,” he finished.

Jade could read Kit’s royal life play across her face. The private library only had romance books between natural men and women, and the end result was a traceable bloodline. Sex was obligation. Sex was male led, in the confines of royal beds. The idea that natural women had sexual feelings for each other, the idea that sex could just be pleasure, was new.

Kit’s first thought was, “So for Airk, the line goes the other way?”

Jade took a big gulp of cocoa while Kit realised Airk’s augmentation was more than aesthetic. The women he chased would hope to experience it. Then Kit’s gaze turned to the line Jade had drawn. Jade’s next gulp of cocoa was painful going down. Mentally he was getting back into his armour ready to walk in the rain, back to his loft. Physically his heart trembled. Emotionally this was truth plum level of exposure, far more than the tunic. Jade had just told his sex-repulsed best friend, after an evening of augmenting his body, that he had sexual feelings for her. He’d never told her his heart love was for life.

“Am I broken?”

Jade’s head snapped up at Kit’s words. Her lack of line sounded more like defeat than a question. Immediately, Jade was up on his knees, relocating both of their cups to the hearth so he could gather Kit’s face in his hands and pull her up to his height. “No,” Jade implored. “We’re all different. You’re dextrous, I hit heavy, Airk… let’s go of his sword on purpose.” Kit smiled a little at the reminder. “You look at all women and think they’re gorgeous. I’ve only ever looked at you. And I always will.”

Kit’s eyes were shining with tears. Joyful ones. Kit put her hands on his waist and pulled him forward to hug him properly. Jade wrapped his arms around her shoulders, lightly threading his fingers through her damp hair as Kit pressed their cheeks together. He could feel satin, as well as the skin of Kit’s splayed hands on his back. She’d hugged him beneath his tunic. Kit scooted forward a bit on her knees until their bodies were fully connected. The pendant was pressed between their hearts. This was acceptance. Acceptance of Jade’s body. Acceptance of the types of love it had for Kit. This was relief. Relief that Kit knew Jade would never abandon her. Relief that they had time to explore, as Kit had no desire to be reckless.

Kit did desire them to be horizontal, though. She twisted away from the hearth, and Jade willingly went with her into the nest of plush blankets and pillows. They sighed, smiled, relaxed. Until Jade’s legs were getting pins and needles as they were pressed against the stone hearth, and Kit’s arm had to be the same caught under Jade’s waist. They hadn’t had this many options of headrests and coverings on the quest, which had restricted them to spooning, so it took a while to get an arrangement to maximise comfort while laid parallel between the bed and fire. Eventually they settled under the duvet with Jade on his back, and Kit in his arms. His head elevated on a long cushion, Kit using his chest as her head and hand rest. Jade was content, but not sleepy. Kit was not sleepy, and her initial contentedness gave way to thoughts that raised her head to look at Jade.

“Can you kiss me?” Kit asked, smiling hopefully.

Jade leaned forward to fulfil Kit’s request on her inhale. On her exhale she pulled back a bit and licked her lips, savouring, and opened her eyes. “Can you kiss me, with different feelings?”

Jade was too relieved that Kit wanted him to kiss her at all, let alone this evening, to question this change. Kit requested playful, mischievous, protective, peaceful, relieved, grateful. Jade obliged on every inhale with parted lips, and after every exhale Kit opened her eyes and licked her lips like he was feeding her with love in different expressions. Kit’s smile grew, and she felt fuller against him. Her fingers dipped into the hollow of his throat, feeling his heart’s thrum to get the nourishment faster. So when Kit asked Jade to kiss her like sex, he shut his lips a split second before they pressed against Kit.

“You’re holding back,” Kit stated at the end of her exhale.

Jade was holding onto his breath, for fear that the air expulsion would have Kit skitter under the bed like an autumn leaf. Jade nodded that yes, he was holding back. And for good reason. Jade didn’t want Kit to be uncomfortable because of him. His instinct had been to lick into her mouth a little, but he wondered how averse to penetration Kit was, and if she’d panic from the tongue intrusion.

“How else will I know?” Kit asked, curious.

Jade exhaled. Jade had explored so much of his gender with Kit tonight. Maybe this was Kit exploring her sexuality in their shared safe space. Jade thought about the kisses in romance books leading to sex. Was Kit expecting her sexual awakening from a kiss with her chosen love? Jade was pretty sure that was the realm of fiction. In reality, Kit was already overwhelmed with feelings while kissing, and only food seemed to remind her body that it could breathe in while her mouth was occupied. It gave Jade an idea. He extracted a hand from the blankets to grab a muffin, which somehow had not dried out. Kit looked bemused at Jade single-handedly rubbing chocolate orange behind his bottom lip, before discarding the cake shell.

“Could you close your eyes?” Jade asked, a little awkwardly. “I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”

Kit did so, and her face was a picture of serene anticipation. Jade’s face wasn’t, and not because of the internal lip balm. He hadn’t consciously allowed sexual feelings in his body for years. He didn’t think Kit would judge him for a bad experience, but he still wanted Kit to enjoy it. Or he’d take bad to the point of a funny memory, if she could laugh about it. Jade had Kit’s consent, but it still felt like taking advantage. His dreams had been about service, with Kit being the weak-kneed one. But this involved connecting a line from Jade’s hips, through his heart, and into Kit’s mouth. A line like the spine ridge on the Cuirass. The magical armour that contoured around Kit like it was made for Jade to admire, right in front of Jade’s face after he’d inserted the Lux. Maybe that was part of the Cuirass deal, suiting the fighting style of the wearer with the view of the Lux bearer. Its protection came from Jade, and it allowed Kit a confidence in her body Jade had never seen; a movement unbridled. After the battle, the armour repelled everyone’s touch but Jade’s when it came to getting it off. The chainmail dangle had retracted first, exposing her hips before anything else. Once free, the magical price made them both stagger, but Jade still caught Kit so they stayed standing.

Okay, Jade could do this. He reached under the covers for Kit’s hand and put it to his face, and held it there. “Push me away when you want to stop,” he instructed, his voice hoarse. At Kit’s nod and inhale, Jade pressed forward to capture Kit’s top lip. He waited for the exhale against his cheek. Her fingers stayed still, as did her lips. On the connected inhale, Jade licked a little into Kit’s mouth, conveying the same protection as inserting the Lux into her chest. Exhale. Inhale. Another lick, appreciating the contours of her willing form. Again. Let me do the work while you experience your body. Again. Only I get to touch you like this. Again. I’ll hold you while you come undone.

Jade needed air. He pulled back, and took Kit’s hand away from his face to breathe in unobstructed. More so than his chest, as Kit’s elbow was sitting on his sternum. He pulled one knee up and away from his body, to break the line and deter Kit. If Kit straddled him now, he’d definitely moan. But Kit hadn’t even opened her eyes, still held in relaxed form to allow Jade to tend to her. Her breathing was as it always was after they kissed. She looked beautiful, with her swollen lips and unkempt hair, rising and falling with his breaths. Much better than in his dreams. He’d caused that.

Kit licked her lips, taking in the last of the food and feeling, before opening her eyes and breaking into a brilliant smile. She was keen to put her hand back on Jade’s cheek. Her eyes followed the full finger contact, along his jaw, down his throat, under the tunic onto his collarbone, before pressing over his exposed heart. Her thumb caught on the pendant. Jade was being studied. Curious as to what was different between this and the other things that made his heart race. He was grateful that was as far as her hand was going down, as the covers were definitely holding the heat around its source.

Her conclusion was, “So when people say they have the hots, it’s not just a phrase?”

Jade’s quiet laughter dissipated the pooled heat. Laughter lines were stronger than any other. Kit laughed, matching him. He was sure of two things. First, Kit really didn’t desire sex with other people. Second, he was in control of his body. He hugged her and she put her head back on his chest.

Jade had his own curiosity. There wasn’t an energy match, no receptive point in Kit’s hips to complete a circuit. What feelings connected to inspire that smile? His voice had lost its hoarseness when he asked, “How did it feel?”

“Safe,” Kit grinned.

Jade inhaled deeply. Protection meant love. Protection meant it was easy to be brave. Brave to explore new things.

“You smell…” Kit began.

Jade recognised the pungency following from his dreams seeping from under the covers. The lavender had neutralised all other smells, leaving it without competition. This was not the body exploration Jade had planned to have this week. Though he did wonder if the herbs would increase his libido and he’d get that wild look in his eyes, the way stallions did when they caught a mare’s scent. He willed Kit to not finish her sentence with horses. He’d hoped he was scrubbed clean of his work day, including his mind.

“… musky,” Kit finished.

Jade would absolutely be sparring tomorrow, to smell like warrior sweat. Kick a pile of autumn leaves to take on the scattered remnants. He’d even roll in grass to take on different natural fragrances.

Jade could hear approaching footsteps in the corridor, as could Kit. She got up, but not before imparting with a self-satisfied grin that she smelled like a princess.

Jade got up, too, to waft the smell into the flames. The royal physician meant omissions and lies, and he pulled the tunic across himself. Jade realised why Kit had given him regal clothes, as it gave the impression he hadn’t planned on staying the night. The floor nest implied Jade slept on the floor, while Kit would be presumed to sleep in her bed. In the same way, Kit answering the door in Jade’s shirt would have revealed too much. As it was, Kit had only opened the door enough to reveal herself and a view of the bath. His heart sank a little at the lack of autonomy. The physician didn’t trust her to take it, otherwise she could have had the vial ages ago. It was a curfew, sleeping on a schedule. Jade looked at the bed, wondering where they would sleep.

Business concluded, Kit shut the door and set about tamping the candles around the room.

“How long til it works?” Jade asked as Kit came back to the firelight.

“Doesn’t really,” she admitted, around the bad taste in her mouth. Kit knelt to drink the remnants of her cocoa, before starting to get back under the covers.

Jade joined her, on the opposite side so Kit could have the fire. Back in his arms, Kit soon inhaled deeply on the centre of his exposed chest and settled. But Jade wasn’t sleepy. Hearing the physician address Kit as Royal Highness with full sincerity had him thinking. Thinking about how long it took for them to realise they shared romantic feelings.

“Would you have ever said you love me without the truth plums?” Jade asked softly.

Kit sighed, and stroked her thumb across his side. “You always called me Princess. It reminded me that you couldn’t say no to me. I’d always doubt that what we did would be out of obligation, not choice.” Kit blinked. “What about you?”

Jade swallowed. “I thought Sorsha would banish me for treason, and I’d die outside the Barrier like my family.”

Kit sank into Jade, hoping to impress how sorry she was into his body as apology. Not that any of it was Kit’s fault. Still, she felt a need to compensate. “Well, when I’m Queen, I decree that you are to be treated with the privilege of a man. Go topless.”

Jade snorted. That was a poor combat strategy, but what else would a sleepy Kit think of with her head framed by his chest? “Just me?”

“If everyone with boobs was topless, I’d never get any work done,” Kit smirked.

“Surgery first,” Jade insisted. His thoughts came to this evening, and the effort Kit had put in to his exploration. “Did you ever suspect?”

“You always cover up in thick layers. You don’t like gowns, or wearing them,” Kit offered as her only clues. “You know, I was going to wear a suit, the night before the wedding.”

Jade pictured the scene, of Kit in a suit fancier than any other man in the room, and still a V neck to show off the pendant. All the attention had been on her anyway, in a dress that augmented her boobs into display, for the court to see she was worthy of breeding. He’d caught a glimpse of her armpit when she aimed to throw the knife, and the signs of adulthood were gone. Jade didn’t know which idea was worse, that Kit had been made to look younger to be more desirable, or if Kit had hidden her development to delay the inevitable. And Kit, after being paraded in front of every arriving guest, after having her appetite restricted by the metal waist cinch, had essentially concealed her body in Jade’s layers as they slow danced. And he wanted to protect her with his touch, but her bare arms felt scandalous and the metal cinch cold. A suit would have shielded Kit from undeserving eyes, allowed her a healthy appetite, and would have given Jade more places to look than Kit’s face or the floor. He still would absolutely not be touching it in a room full of high borns, when he had restricted movement and no weapon. Jade much, much preferred the real memory of the magical armour.

“Nothing’s going to top the Cuirass,” Jade confirmed.

“I think you could top the Cuirass.”

“KIT!” Jade resembled the fire beside them in both colour and temperature. His younger self had disappeared under the bed so Sorsha couldn’t find him. No doubt the Queen had heard that and was riding home from Galladoorn full pelt at the declaration of sex with a low born outside marriage with the heir apparent of Tir Asleen.

Kit had raised her head, and the bemused look brought him back, and made his body more presentable.

“I think it would look better on you,” she clarified.

“It means someone does all the work to please their sexual partner,” Jade managed. Jade should probably go to sleep soon, because his word choices and Kit’s royal upbringing would make it a long night. He was definitely asking Elora to educate Kit on euphemisms at the end of the week.

Kit processed. “Like castle staff, for sex?”

Jade nodded at the distant enough analogy. Did Kit suspect what he’d thought of to kiss her sexually? Had he conveyed it into her body like the feelings? After the battle against the Crone, Jade had not been subtle about looking at the Cuirass in its activated state. But to Kit, it was just looking. It didn’t look like Kit would be teasing him about it tonight, with her sexual immunity. That day was coming, but for now he wondered. Wondered if the armour only worked for royal blood, descended from the Fae. Wondered if it took inspiration from clothes, as he was sure the neck collar on Kit was the pendant cord transformed. Wondered where the magic would protect exposed skin, like Kit’s hands and head. Wondered how Kit’s view of him would shape it.

“How would it look?”

“Like your Bone Reaver armour over the chest and back. The overlapping shoulder epaulettes coming down your whole arm to form hand gauntlets. Crossover shorts swords on your back that you could connect. There’d be these solid metal plates from your hips to just below your knees, like a kilt, and they’d flare up when you spun round. Chainmail over everything. Thick soled boots. A helmet with a red tasselled plume on top, and triangle slits in the face so people could see your righteous fury.” Kit just breezed through her fantasy. “And, um. It would feel very warm as you lifted me in a victory dance.”

Wow. Jade was completely smitten with everything. From the extremely practical armour design with its own flair, to the intimidation factor. That the magic made any appearance lightweight when they believed in their cause. That the wearer felt the warmth. And for Kit, that visible flesh would hinder her own fighting, and her reward came after with touch.

“No boob window?” Jade teased.

Kit shook her head, and set her head on his chest. She didn’t need magic armour for that. She placed her hand over his belly button. Quietly, Kit asked, “Am I like it because of the marriage?”

“Hmm?” Jade caught up with Kit questioning her body. If he thought about it, Jade’s gender was knight, as everything he wanted to change was to be better at protecting those he loved. He’d been given a skill set but what he fought for had flipped from structure to freedom. So what if Kit had subconsciously willed to not form a line from her heart to her hips? If being a princess meant her heart could choose love but her body had no say, wasn’t that a freedom from carrying a bloodline on base impulse, from both natural men and augmented women? And Kit couldn’t undo that self-conditioning any more than Jade could unlearn the muscle memory of every time he’d swung a sword.

“Doesn’t matter,” Jade said truthfully. “Your body’s your own.”

“I love you,” Kit blurted.

Kit turned her head to plant a kiss over Jade’s heart, before pushing it deeper into his body with her nose strokes. Jade felt the emotion sink into him as keenly as Kit’s exhaled sigh over his wetted skin.

“Can you call me Seren?” Kit whispered to his heart.

Jade hugged Kit closer as an affirmation. She settled back down, and threw a leg across his hips to tangle their legs.

“Will you sleep alongside me tomorrow?” Kit asked around a yawn.

Jade hugged his affirmation again. Kit sighed her gratitude, and they both fell asleep.

***