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They’d heard from the grapevine that he was blond. Hair gold like the high noon sun, eyes green like the forests and grassy fields it shone into. When he moved in those sweeping gestures of his, they saw it sway under the hats, framing his features so perfectly, like the curtains to the smile that they knew was blinding even through the grayscale of the world.
…Lee only knows what they’d heard, sadly. How any of it truly looked like was left purely for their imagination, for what little work they could do with metaphors, with association.
Rook is all the way across from them in the cafeteria. He’d share a table with Vil, usually, sometimes that first year Vil dragged around would be there too, followed by a handful of Pomefiore members they couldn’t name.
It’s just common sense that one can’t see color until they touch their soulmate, even if for a second. No one really knew why, the common explanation was magic, but even the magicless underwent that process too. It might as well be ingrained so deeply in their genes it turned absolute.
Lee had learned about it the way everyone else had, just another story passed down through generations in their family. They recall all those get-togethers, relatives in the same table chatting away about how they met their partners, and they’d join in sometimes, ask about how things developed, ask for descriptions of colors. Every child would always be curious about it.
On a rare few occasions, they’d think about what the future held for them, and they’d go quiet — Sinking back into their seat, ears flopping closer to their head, the food in their plate seemed less interesting. Colorless. Like everything else was.
“You’ll understand when you’re older.” Was something they heard often. Lee would stomp their feet and huff, crossing their arms. It felt so silly, having to wait all that time to be able to see colors. How much more fun would they make the world? How could anyone just handle living know they had this mind blowing sort of experience just barely hiding behind a wall?
Lee had always wanted to see color more than anything. They grew up, but the curiosity stayed, its head always popping up anytime a friend would come to them excitedly talking about the blue of the sky or the red of the roses. They’d be happy for them, of course! But it wasn’t a feeling intense enough to keep away the other that approached so closely to jealousy.
They thought they’d get there when they met Che’nya, but that had been a whole other rabbit hole they didn’t want to go down now.
…it’s hard to tell if the grievance comes from that underlying bitterness of inability, or from what the blur of greyscale actually meant. Sometimes Lee lies down on their bed, eyes burning at the ceiling, and they think about Che’nya again. Royal Sword Academy hadn’t been… a bad place, or anything like that. It’s just that the rejection felt like it dug into them so harshly it left this hole, or maybe it just dug deeper into something that already existed there.
More and more of their classmates were finding their soulmates, it still wasn’t the most common thing around, but when the thoughts went beyond the curiosity of what color looked like, they couldn’t help but feel as if it was some form of personal failure. It’s shapeless loneliness as always, melting to fit itself into the outline of every hole in their soul, so much Lee vaguely feels like they must understand why things are the way they are. They stare dead-eyed at the lamplights above, blurs of black and gray and white, and Che’nya’s grin, then the twist of his expression into awkwardness, is clearer than it had even been over that very moment. Of course. It only makes sense. Of course they’re getting rejected. That’s Lee Daystar out of all people confessing. Of course it’s…
“Lee?”
They blink. There’s an ache in their chest, and — Lilia’s eyes right on them, the fae leaning into their space. Lee jumps up, startled, and scoots back on their seat, Lilia smirking mischievously.
“Shishi… you just spaced out so hard.” Ruggie points at them from the other side of the table, Lee huffs as they place the bread they’d been holding back onto their plate. “What got you staring at it for so long, huh?”
“...nothing.” Lee feels their face heat up, leaning a flushed cheek against their hand and looking down. Lilia’s smile turns even more sly, they already know they’d been caught red-handed with how their friends were like. “Really! I just kinda got lost… in my thoughts.”
“Mm, sure.” Lilia says, and Lee feels how they burn with shame. “Anyway, as I were saying… do you guys have any bets of who Vil’s soulmate may be? Sure, the rumor he’s seeing color isn’t confirmed, but it’s been holding my attention…”
“You’re turning into a gossip, Lilia.” Ruggie jabs, rolling his eyes as he bites into a donut, chewing as he speaks without much of a thought to it. “I don’t think it’s even true, though. And if it was it probably wouldn’t be anyone from Night Raven. You know how picky the guy is.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if it was another model…” Lilia mutters, the nail of his index finger tracing meaningless patterns against the wood of the table. Lee stares for a minute, weird feelings churning at the pit of their stomach, he’s really invested in this, isn’t he? Just what they needed…
When the topic came up between their friends, they’d usually avoid it. Ask them to talk about something else — Or make them do so, pointing out things around them, steering the words away. They’re pretty sure they notice it, but opening their mouth to say can we not talk about this, it really brings back some bad memories, had always felt like too much of a milestone. An obstacle too tall to be jumped over
“But, really, you think it’s true? Vil finding a soulmate at our age?” Ruggie asks, brow raised. “It just doesn’t check out to me, you know. I’m pretty sure he’s the kind of guy who just avoids dating like the plague to favor his work.”
“But finding your soulmate isn’t something that you do intentionally, Ruggie.” Lilia replies, elbows propped up against the table, hands cupping his own face as he looks up, deep in his own speculation. “Wouldn’t it be sort of a cute story, if our ice queen Vil Schoenheit happened to just bump into his soulmate when he’s believing he’d swear off love for so long? All the confusion and internal conflict that come into it? Wanting to keep focusing on his work, yet being unable to resist their charms, and the awe of his world being painted in the brightest colors for the very first time…” Lilia talks with his hands dramatically, it’s hard to tell where the line between joke and genuine nosiness is drawn.
That’s fine, at least.
“You’re getting way off track.” Lee snickers, stabbing a straw into their strawberry milk box. It takes some of the weight off their shoulders. “Where did the rumor Vil found his soulmate even start? I don’t get how anyone would even get close enough to the guy to know he sees color…”
“Well, he’s always so particular about them. You’ve seen him rant about which colors go together before, haven’t you? He can definitely see them.” Lilia mentions, index finger pointed up as he talks. Lee hums, Ruggie raises an eyebrow.
“I mean, is it that unrealistic to think Vil of all people would find a workaround when it comes to color perception? I don’t know, maybe he’s trained his eyes to tell them apart by saturation or whatever.”
“Oh, Ruggie, even Vil would have his limits. Trust me on this.”
“You talk so much about this guy, but we still don’t know if you found yours or not.” Ruggie jabs back, though it does sound lighthearted. “It’s really not that easy to tell if someone can see them or not. I mean, maybe if they’re super expressive and not trying to hide anything, but for a guy like Vil…”
Lilia grins wide at them.
“Whether I can see color or not is information for me to know, and for you to speculate about. I’m just passing what my intuition said to you.” He says, shrugging. “If you don’t want to believe it, that’s on you.”
“Sure, grandpa…” Ruggie rolls his eyes, giggling under his breath. “Well, if we’re talking about this, you know who I’m pretty sure already sees color? Rook Hunt.”
Ah.
Just hearing the name makes Lee get a pit in their stomach. An irresistible impulse to glance towards his table comes up, and they catch sight of him again, talking so energetically, shining light into every image even when the hues of the shine were so mysterious to them.
Strings hold up their feelings on the matter — Curiosity, loneliness, that feverish growing crush — and they tangle so tightly it’s like Lee can feel them around their neck. They want to chalk up the possibility of Rook being their soulmate to some sort of silly daydream… so unattainable that the thought of reaching for it was a joke in itself. It’s a sort of bittersweet comfort.
“Oh, that I think I agree with.” Lilia says, humming in acknowledgement. “Though… it’s hard thinking of what type of person might be his soulmate, isn’t it? Even I can’t get much of a read on him.”
“Some people say that he’s always been able to see everything, since he’s technically in love with the whole world.” Ruggie mentions, gesturing with one hand. “I’m gonna be honest, guy kind of gives me the creeps sometimes. I know he’s not bad or anything, he just freaks me out… and, yeah, it’s just hard imagining he’d fall for one single person forever. I mean… that’s kind of how it is for most people, but…”
“Rook Hunt isn’t most people, I get it.” Lilia nods thoughtfully, a wise look on his face like they’re not just gossiping about their classmates. “It’s not that hard to believe, really. But, who knows, maybe there’s a plot twist to all of this, and he and Vil are actually soulmates… wouldn’t that make sense? They both clearly see color, and they’re always around each other, so maybe…”
Lee sinks in their seat, shoulders slumping low. Ugh.
It’s hard to contain the bubbling up of that bad mood within them. Tugs at the heartstrings, pulls into a sinking feeling they get just from the thought. That loop of thought again: Lee’s crush is hopeless, they’ve known it since they noticed it, and trying to keep it as distant as possible from themself is the best they can do. Keeping it in their dreams, as something to observe from afar, the way Rook dealt with beauty—
“You think they are…?” Ruggie asks when he finishes his donut, voice and eyes full of curiosity, smirk all over his face. “Hmm, it wouldn’t be that surprising, now that you mention it. They’re always around each other.”
“I wonder how that would work if Rook has always been able to see color, if his soulmate is… the whole world.”
“Well, some people get in relationships with others who aren’t their soulmates, for whatever reason. Just because they’re not doesn’t mean it can’t be meaningful.”
Lilia chuckles, the sound rich and soft. “My, Ruggie. I didn’t know you were so wise.” He says, teasing. “So you think they’re together, but not soulmates? That’s an interesting theory…”
They sink further in their seat. Lilia and Ruggie seem invested in their conversation, and so genuinely too. It makes them wonder if maybe they’d been hiding these feelings better than they thought. Their teeth catch at the straw in the strawberry milk, chewing idly, nervously. Maybe they should—
“Aw, I guess we gotta go back to class now.” Ruggie says, and Lee notices the chime signaling it’s time to return to class is there, resounding across the place. “We can keep talking about our classmates’ love lives later, shishishi.”
“Of course, of course. You know I’m always up for this.” Lilia chuckles. “Lee, do you want me to walk you to class?”
“Um, I’m fine, I…” They begin to mumble, and Lilia glares at them in this one specific way. Less than a year of friendship or not, they knew damn well that it meant he wanted to tell them something.
The flightiness within Lee claws at them instantly. Heartbeat going up from the sheer urge to flee, like they’re about to run off in an urgent rush.
“...don’t worry about it! Not like I don’t know where my classroom is or anything.” They laugh, lying with their full chest, and Lilia hums, eyes narrowing at them.
They hop off the seat, Lilia says something they don’t hear. Maybe there’s a color for this, they think absently. Glancing away at Rook from the distance, it’s hard to make sense of something that seems so far away.
Seeing him walk away with Vil, though, or give off these awed looks so freely—
Lee feels so compelled to understand, there’s almost a desire to run off in the opposite direction, chase rather than be chased. They have to remind themself it’s not what someone like them should be doing. If they hadn’t gotten the chance to find out what violet and lavender were, who’s to say they could understand yellow or green?
Even then, something about it has them thinking the urge could be pulled out of the depths it’s buried in. And it’s scary — The idea of unattainability wouldn’t be enough to cover it up anymore.
It’s too much, Lee just steps away, and tries to empty out their mind.
. . .
Classes go by as easily as they usually do. Words to hear, notes to take, comments here and there from classmates, time to stare off at the window and let their mind wander.
The conversation Lilia and Ruggie had during lunch hadn’t been all that out of the ordinary, not for them and not for anyone else, really. Everyone talks about their acquaintances' love lives at least once in their time, tasteless as it is. The bittersweet of the impossibility of reaching Rook, that sort of faraway day star for them, is a taste that never quite leaves, but it fades into the background so easily when he’s not around.
How could it hurt, if they couldn’t see it? It only swirls in their mind for a moment before it fades, and Lee goes on with their day as usual. Classes end, the sun eager to set — They wonder for the briefest of moments what it looked like exactly, then rush away from the thought quickly — and they’re making their way to the Light Music club.
And it’s fine, of course, until—
“You know, I’m still wondering about just what is up with Rook Hunt.” Lilia mentions, legs dangling as he sat on a table, looking up ever so casually. His voice has both Kalim and Lee instantly glancing over at him, though they guess it’s with different intents and reactions.
“What about Rook?” Kalim asks, eyes sparkly with curiosity, and Lilia smirks.
“I was talking about him with Lee and Ruggie at lunch, today.” He explains. “We were wondering about him seeing colors or not. He’s pretty mysterious, isn’t he? Ruggie had a theory he and Vil might be soulmates, but there’s also that rumor he’s always been able to see it…”
“What’s with you guys and talking about Rook?” Lee blurts out, arms crossed, and it unfortunately gets their attention rather quickly. “I mean, he’s just… some guy we go to school with. I get being curious about other people, but that’s just…”
Lilia hums, narrowing his eyes at them. “But you are as well, aren’t you?” And he says. “Maybe even moreso than the rest of us.”
So they sputter, flush rushing up their neck into their face. Lilia smirks victoriously.
“Lee?” Kalim turns to them, wide-eyed and interested. The flush grows higher, temperature spiking as their face colors further.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you about this for a while now.” Lilia speaks, eyes zeroing in on them — Recalling his offer to walk them to class from lunchtime, he looks at them with that same sort of intensity, just increased tenfold. “You always clam up anytime Rook is mentioned.”
“I just… y-you know!”
“Lee has a crush on Rook?” Kalim chimes, leaning into the space between Lee, sitting on the armchair, and the fae that chuckled mischievously at them.
“L-Listen, it’s not a big deal or anything!” Lee argues back, absolutely burning with embarrassment down to their core, but their friends lean into their space, piercing their personal bubble, and their thoughts scramble so quickly and easily they have no clue what else they could even say. “It’s not… it’s just a silly thing, so you know I…”
“Lee, that’s so cute!” Kalim coos at them, smiling brightly enough it’s like it floods even more sunlight into the room, Lee’s words delve into senseless embarrassed noises against the hands they cover their face with. “Have you talked to him? You really should talk to him!”
“...it’s not a big deal. N-Not worth the trouble, you know!” They insist, and Lilia hums, ever so dangerous and scheming. “Uugh, stop looking at me like this, it’s so embarrassing… ”
“Lee, everyone sees the way you look at him.” Lilia says with a shrug, casual like they weren’t discussing something that felt serious like a blade to their neck at the moment. “I’ve actually brought that up at lunch to see if you would say anything. Aren’t you running away from him a bit too much?”
Lee flinches — And they are. It’s true, Lilia has them read like the back of his hand as always, but he’s still missing important details… maybe, they can’t be sure he’s not somehow at least half aware of the things that happened in the past.
Lee feels silly for it, now that they’re back into a corner like this, but what else could they do? Maybe they looked like a whole coward for dealing with their feelings like this, yes, maybe they were one, but they were just… so tired, tired of being hurt in all the ways they had been.
And the present isn’t ideal in the slightest, they would admit to themself in the dark of the night, lying awake with a full head. They thought about Rook so much more than they feel like they should, trying to make sense of what gold or emerald looked like, piece together what the robes of his dorm uniform would feel like if they were to hug, recalling looks of adoration when he sees them hopping around in their rabbit form.
But just because it isn’t ideal doesn’t mean it’s not safe, but just because it’s safe doesn’t mean it makes them happy, and the thought of Rook being with anyone else, of being someone else’s soulmate or even not having one, is as much of a comfort as it is a stab at Lee’s chest. They don’t know what to do about this.
So they don’t want to do anything but turn back and run as far as their legs will carry them.
“What do you want me to do? Confess?” Lee bites back, and it comes out more aggressively than they wanted it to, really. “It’s not… it’s hopeless, it’s not gonna happen. And that’s alright, you know! We can just move on about it.”
They hear their own voice leaving their lips, waning into the air with every word so unconvincingly, and the bittersweet taste they’d usually feel leans so much more towards just pure bitterness, Lee can’t muster up another word.
“But, but!” Kalim insists, face scrunched up in an expression that makes them think of a sad puppy. “Are you sure you’re not gonna tell him anything? How can you be so sure he doesn’t like you back?”
“Kalim is right, you know.” Lilia interjects. “Yes, there are all these rumors about him, but how can you be so sure? He does look at you too, after all…”
Lee’s heart rate spikes high — Then feels like it stops altogether.
“He’s… w-what?” They ask, voice pitching up high too, and Lilia chuckles, legs swinging off the table.
“He was, over lunch. And haven’t you caught him around when you’re on your rabbit form? I’d say it’s quite likely he does have a thing for you.” Lilia explains, gesturing with his hands as he tells the story. “At least as likely as it is that he’s with Vil, or that he’s one of these anomalies that don’t have a soulmate at all.”
“I don’t know.” Lee sighs, looking down. Their ears flop even more than usual, their heart squeezing with that craving ache. “...I don’t like the uncertainty.”
The words come out in a slow, quiet confession, yet their mind runs a mile a minute. Rook? Returning their feelings? The thought of it is surreal, but in the way a fairytale feels. It’s a good ending everyone would crave without even meaning to, or no matter how much they try to escape an instinct so basic.
They think of how he’s been described. Golden eyes, peachy skin, royal purple robes, sparkling emerald eyes. He’s beautiful even when scrawled in the grey tracing of a pencil sketch, the way the world felt when Lee lived as they did. How much more beautiful could it be? How much better could everything feel? How would it be like to close up the hole they had felt in their chest ever since Che’nya’s rejection?
“You haven’t ever touched him, have you?”
“Lilia!”
“Fufu, you know what I mean.” He teases back, this strange smile all over his face. “You know, he’s at the science club’s activity right now. They have been going to the greenhouse quite often these days, hadn’t they? Something about a biology project.”
“Ooh, yeah! One of my friends told me about it!” Kalim chimes in, shining bright as he looks at Lee, more full of hope than they’d ever be. “Lee! We could totally stage some sort of meeting for you two, and so quickly too!”
Lee’s mouth opens, and then closes. No words out. They burn with embarrassment still — But now a strange feeling of anticipation, too.
“You just have to be hopeful, you know! You’ll never know if you aren’t soulmates if you never talk to him!” Kalim continues. It’s easy to get lost in his own hopefulness, even though there’s a voice at the very back of Lee’s mind telling them they shouldn’t. “Maybe I don’t know as much as Lilia does, but I can tell you have all these strong feelings!”
“T-That’s…” Lee stammers, and Kalim continues to lean in, smiling bright. Obfuscating the paths. Lilia hangs around in the back still, nodding.
“Just give it a chance, won’t you, Lee?” He coaxes them, hands on the table he sat on, eyes on theirs. “Maybe things will go so much better than you thought they would.”
Lee swallows, settling down in quietness.
The feeling never subsides, tugs of nervousness and dread alike. They can’t believe they’re actually considering going along with something like this.
But they think about Rook, about the colors, and they’re caught up in it all. Strange optimism swirling like sugar stirred in tea, Lilia hops off the table with a smirk, and somewhere far away, the sun starts to set in a honeyed orange, bleeding all over a blue sky.
. . .
In the springy afternoon, the greenhouse already feels all too stuffy even from just looking at it from a distance. Bushes gather around, flowers in what Lee is sure are colored in the brightest hues, vines draping over the shed, door cracked open as a few leftover members of the science club lounge around.
That’s just their luck, it feels like.
Lee feels all too exposed, stepping into the scenario. Sunlight stretches over the plants, warm against their skin, and they peek from behind the bushes, looking for Rook somewhere, anywhere.
“Come on.” Kalim had urged behind them before giving his push. “We’ll let you guys have some space, just tell us how it goes afterwards!”
It was so silly— just outright ridiculous— Lee would normally be all in for stupid ideas, but this was an entirely different topic. It’s scary. They don’t want to be here, as much as they do too. The feelings converge and mix and tangle, they get this sinking sensation that doesn’t love.
Until they catch sight of him, finally.
Rook stands inside the greenhouse, holding onto a bouquet of flowers that he looks upon with a fondness Lee had never seen on anyone else. It feels sillier than ever now, that decision, but also so very serious.
Lee feels their voice stuck in their throat. The thought of Che’nya flashes back for the briefest of moments. Encouragement from their friends. Sleepless nights trying to put together what a color means. Childhood curiosity and warm words and everything they’d ever seen from the corner of their eyes.
“Uh! Rook Hunt, yeah?”
He turns to them.
Those had been the first words they’d said so directly at him, Lee thinks — He blinks and smiles, holding the flowers in his arms. Lilies, roses, gardenias, what were these? So many different kinds Lee doesn’t quite recognize. The sweet smell wafts up anyway, the thought of color feels more intense than ever.
“Oui, that’s me.” He responds. Lee had heard his voice before, of course, but never from this up close, so clearly. “Could I help you with something?”
So casual, they can’t tell if it’s more like they were complete strangers, or like they had known each other for so much longer. Lee feels like with how their heart clenches, it could dissolve into butterflies that spread all around the inside of their chest.
“Um.” Their voice comes out strained when they take a step forward. “No. It’s… you can keep up whatever you’re doing, I’m just looking for inspiration to write a song. For my club, you know.”
“Oh?” Rook’s eyes widen — What does green look like? They’d so easily be convinced that it’s just like that feeling taking over them now, so hopeful and alien. “Have you taken to searching for the beauty of creativity in flowers?”
He takes a step forward, a few inches cut off from the distance between the two of them. Lee’s breath hitches.
Their friends had been right — It would be the ideal topic to get them to talk.
“I… I guess. I’ve never been good with lyrics.” They say, and Rook hums in acknowledgement, still holding onto his flowers. “I’m not the best with metaphor. Usually Lilia handles them, but, well…”
“Oh, did Monsieur Curiosity want to help you hone your skills?” Rook asks, the smile on his face grows. “How generous. I would love to see your take on song lyrics, has any of the ones you’ve performed been yours?”
“N…No. I’ve a done a few, but they never really left the drafts.” Lee manages. The words begin coming out more easily by the second, but it doesn’t mean their heart isn’t racing like crazy. “Uh. The Light Music club is pretty laid back, we kind of just hang out for most of the time. But we do write songs together, even though it’s mostly for fun.”
“But that’s a beautiful way to engage in songwriting.” Rook says, his voice full of a wonder that felt so genuine. “Tell me, have the flowers perhaps already helped you into inspiration? Or would you like some sort of assistance.”
“Well. I can’t see color yet, so you know how it is.”
“There is a beauty to grayscale as well, though.” He continues. “The simplicity of it, as if you were just sleeping, floating around in a dream before you wake to see your true surroundings…”
He sighs, looking away — Wistfully? Is he already able to see them? Lee can’t decode his words, but he’s so close, and the hope they carry is so overwhelming.
Rook’s presence mixes up their thoughts into a tangled mess. Could their friends be right? Maybe they had a chance? Lee’s impulse control already isn’t the best. They steal a glance at him, try to paint over his features in their mind—
“I’d like to wake up, I guess.” They look away before his image burns like the sun. “I’ve always been really curious about what colors are like. I’d hear my relatives talking about it and everything… all those ‘you’ll get it when you’re older’ things, you know.” They laugh airily at the memory, and Rook watches attentively.
“It’s definitely the sort of thing people will grow curious about.” He responds. “Colors seem to be such an integral part of our perception, non? Yet we go most of our lives without seeing them. I believe it’s just a symbol of how love is so important to our experiences… being unable to understand something like this only by meeting the one you’re fated to be with. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
There’s a pause. Lee is holding a notepad they have no intention of actually using. The plan had been so simple, like everyone was so sure it could work out — They don’t know what to name this strange feeling of imminent luck. They’re not sure if it’s even right to feel it.
“It is. Do you think about it too?” Lee asks, a sudden spike of courage rushing up them. “The colors, I mean, since you’re so focused on beauty and all. Uh… you’re pretty well known for it.”
“I am, aren’t I?” Rook laughs back, his voice rings like bells, he shines just as brightly. “I’m happy to be. It’s difficult not to think about them sometimes, non? Especially considering how blinding the beauty of love itself is.”
Lee swallows, heart racing all the way up to their throat.
And they’re in that forest again, all the way outside Royal Sword, between the clouding of the bushes and deep into conversation with Che’nya. Lee’s eyes meet Rook’s — What does green look like? Would it be the same green in those trees? — and they don’t know what casts this feeling of fever upon them, this strange haze in the mind.
“I mean, I guess love helps you see, rather than blinds you.”
The words slip out quietly, almost taken with the air, and Rook looks at them. They’d never really talked, not that much, but…
The plan of their friends weighs in on Lee’s soul like it’s anchored to it. Rook smiles idly, as he tends to do, and Lee can’t help but smile too. The moment is silent, warm sunlight cascading over them in that stuffy little greenhouse, surrounded by all those plants.
“That’s the best way I’ve seen anyone put it.”
…they don’t know where the hope comes from. Their heart racing, mental calls to go for it now, fulfill that silly plan. It’s like it couldn’t go wrong at all.
“Hah, thanks.” Lee laughs nervously, flipping through the notepad to some old lyrics they had written. “You know, you really… get beauty better than anyone, I think. Sorry if it’s weird to say, since we don’t know each other, but…”
“Oh, non! I’m flattered you’d think so.” He chimes back with a smile, ever so bright. “It’s rare to find someone who seems to understand the things I live by. This conversation has been a pleasant surprise.”
They feel warm all over. Admiring Rook from afar had already put them in a trance, actually talking to him was like some sort of drug. Lee can’t even remember how exactly they’d fallen so hard, but being near him like this?
They understood why, now. The sort of connection they share was just…
For as long as they’d had those feelings, they’d never been accompanied by any urgencies, not until now.
“Yeah.” Lee chuckles. “Could you, um, check out those lyrics for me and tell me what you think about them? If it’s not too much trouble…”
They take the step towards Rook like Lilia had told them to. The notepad open towards him, his image right in front of their eyes, and they—
Lee’s heartbeat spikes up higher than it had ever been in that afternoon. The sunlight continues to shine, bright and hot. They think about how they might have been wrong all this time, more than ever. The nights staring at the ceiling become both endless and nonexistent.
“Oof, sorry—!”
…they didn’t trip, it’d just been part of that stupid plan, and it seems even sillier now, just spouting some stupid lines until they don’t remember what they’re supposed to do anymore, but the burn of that weird determination grows hotter, and they feel the way Rook’s hands loop around their arms, breaths hitching in surprise as both flowers and the notepad fall, scattering around and…
Their eyes are closed. Rook holds onto them, they end up holding back onto him too, around his upper arms. They’re waiting for the answer to their questions that had never been uttered with anything but fear, for every moment prior. Lee opens their eyes, the question echoes on and on like it’s beckoning for them, that fascination with green, the color that painted hope and harmony and renewal and—
Lee’s breath dies right in their throat.
“Careful.” Rook says. “Are you okay?”
Lee takes a step back, nodding. Their heart sinks so rapidly, dropped into the abyss.
Nothing had ever happened. Not green or blue or peach or purple, none of those words that for so long had stayed meaningless gained any sort of significance. They look forward to see nothing but the blurs of graphite they always saw.
And they want to say the world had started to crash down, but rather, it just stood quiet.
“It’s fine.” Lee said, taking a step back.
Holding their breath once more. Shaking at the tips of every limb — Nothing had ever changed.
Nothing would.
“I think I have to go somewhere.”