Work Text:
five —
but a field of wildflowers
grew in my throat
since the first time i
touched you
- lora mathis
Tobio’s body aches in a way that he’s not used to.
He tries to ignore the pain, but doing so proves to be a struggle when it is unlike anything he goes through on the daily. He doesn’t feel it in the tissues that make up his muscles. It’s not in his bones and the joints that hold them together. It doesn’t come in the form of his blood pumping, his body roaring, yelling at him to take a break.
Instead, he feels it someplace deeper. In the crevices of his heart, poking at his soul.
Karasuno had lost the All Japan High School Volleyball Championship Tournament, placing at the top 8 in all of the country.
Tobio bears the loss with some pride. Karasuno is a team who, against all odds, has managed to make it to the quarter finals of nationals. They had faced a line up of teams who came out on top in their respective prefectures, and just the mere fact that they had gotten that far after not making it to nationals for so long makes his heart swell with pride.
But it stings all the same when he remembers that they are just top 8, that the team, his team, had gotten their wings clipped so soon.
He’s been holding certain thoughts at bay for the past few days, but in the quiet of the night, he dwells on the what ifs. The maybes and what could’ve been" s. Had he moved a little faster, jumped any higher, would they have won? Had he noticed Shoyo, always warm like the sun, being unusually hot to the touch, would everything have not gone downhill?
Tobio shakes his head. What would be the use of thinking like that now, when it is already over? When he knows that he can live with the knowledge that time will pass and the seasons will change, their lives will move on with this one unforgettable spring remaining as a memory deeply etched into each of their hearts.
His eyes land on a head of bright orange, glowing beneath the darkness of their ride home. In Tobio’s half-asleep state, he stares at Shoyo illuminated by the hazy moonshine.
The moon, casting a light at the sun that still seems to dim when it grazes his skin. Like no light will ever be bright enough that it can possibly hold a candle to Shoyo.
The bus passes by what feels like a speed bump. Tobio’s world shifts ever so slightly. And before his mind can catch up with the nerves in his body, he finds Shoyo’s head on his shoulder and his hand against the soft skin of his cheek.
Tobio stills, stiffly moving the hand supporting Shoyo’s head to his side. He tries to shift Shoyo off of him and onto the window instead but fails spectacularly when his movements seem to draw Shoyo closer to him. Shoyo now lies at the patch of Tobio’s skin where his mere breathing sends a chill down Tobio’s spine. Where something as trivial as the rise and fall of his chest and his unkempt hair tickles Tobio.
He catches a whiff of Shoyo’s perfume, not cologne. He remembers Sugawara asking Shoyo where it’s from. The bashful, but beaming with pride smile on his face when he says he got it from his sister. The boys locker room being filled with nothing but Shoyo’s scent as soon as he puts it on and Tobio being left scrambling to keep up with the chaos of his team.
It’s the sweetest vanilla, with the tiniest hint of orange cream that prods at his senses and makes him dizzy.
And it’s a weird thing, how the sun could smell so … soft . How Shoyo gets gritty when the sport calls for it. How he wants the furthest thing from the easy ways out and comfort, and yet Tobio is engulfed by what feels like a hug from the clouds when he’s this close. How he feels the sun kissing his skin.
The bus creaks to a stop. Takeda quietly announces for them to get off and urges those who are awake to wake everybody else.
“Hey dumbass,” Tobio says, voice cracking hopelessly. He clears his throat in search of much needed stability. “We’re here.”
He pushes Shoyo off him as harshly as his weakened limbs possibly can. Shoyo wakes up the moment his head collides with the window, yelling an “Ow!”as he tries to soothe the throbbing flesh.
Tobio senses Shoyo stretching in his seat, hears the cracking of weary bones, but he doesn’t have half the mind to be aware of anything else. Not the fact that they’re supposed to be getting up and out of the bus. Not the crease on his forehead and the tightening of his eyebrows. And certainly not his hand that rests on Shoyo’s thigh.
He only realizes when Shoyo pokes at the palm of his hand.
“You okay?” Shoyo asks. Tobio can’t stop himself from whipping his side to face Shoyo so quickly that he can almost feel his neck becoming sore. He hears Shoyo’s muffled chuckles that he forces down for his sake.
The crease on Tobio’s forehead deepens. He thanks every star in the sky that it’s too dark for Shoyo to see red tinting his ears.
“Huh?”
“No! I just-” Shoyo’s eyes widen. He’s never asked him that before, or maybe he has but not in a way that’s so … normal. “I mean- you just look a little,”
“I don’t know … out of it?” He shrugs.
“Oh,” Tobio blinks. “I’m … fine?”
“That’s great!” Shoyo beams, wincing when he says it louder than he meant to.
“Yeah, good.” Tobio looks away.
The silence between them grows more awkward by the second … until Tanaka pops up from behind and places a hand on their heads.
“You two done flirting?”
“We weren’t-”
“That’s not-”
Tanaka cackles, his signature boisterous laughter filling the few inches of space between them as they both sink deeper into their seats.
“I was just messin’ with you two,” He wipes a tear off his eye. “But seriously, get a move on. Daichi’s waiting for us.”
The mere mention of their captain’s name has them both shooting out of their seats and rushing towards the Karasuno school grounds.
And for the first time since they met, Tobio chooses to walk a few paces behind Shoyo.
He feels himself being driven to madness.
Just what is happening to him?
four —
your little voice
over the wires came leaping
and i felt suddenly
dizzy
- e.e cummings
Tobio stands under the brisk breeze of April, frozen as the wind blows at the strands of his hair that had gotten longer.
Because there, just a moment away from where Tobio’s feet desperately clings to the ground beneath, is him .
Shoyo throws the ball into the air and begins his runup. He pauses, for a moment, knees bent as he readies himself. There exists half a second where everything stills, and Tobio imagines himself on the court with Shoyo. That his fingers had grazed the very same ball Shoyo was about to hit.
Then, he jumps.
Shoyo flies. The faint outline of a pair of crow’s wings that Tobio always sees when Shoyo is in the air becomes all the more prominent. He watches the ball spin in the air through the reflection of Shoyo’s eyes. He sees the way his breath hitches, the quiet gasp getting caught in his throat, and the exact moment that he locks in on where he wants the ball to land. Shoyo pulls back his arm and hits the ball with full force.
It makes contact with the other side of the court before flying haphazardly out of bounds. The sound it makes thunders throughout the four walls of the gym. Tobio is pulled back to reality, to the now.
To the chill running down his spine and the slight shiver of his body. And to the biggest smile on Shoyo’s face that sneaks past his defenses and warms him up.
“Kageyama!” Shoyo turns and spots Tobio. He beams, lighting up like the winter sun. “Toss to me!”
Tobio takes the moment to look at Shoyo, really look at him.
And it baffles him. How today is only their first day as second years and already, a mere week apart has made it seem like so much has changed.
How he looks a little taller. Tall enough that when they stand side by side in a line, so close that he feels the warmth Shoyo so easily exudes, he knows that the crown of his head will fit perfectly in the crook of his neck. That Shoyo could rest against Tobio’s pounding heart, and there wouldn’t be an inch of their skin not intertwined so deeply that they would feel it in their bones.
“Hey! Earth to Kageyama?” Tobio snaps out of his daze to see Shoyo standing in front of him with a ball tucked under his arm and his waving rapidly across his face.
“You know if you don’t get in there right now I’ll consider that a win right?”
There’s a glint in Shoyo’s eyes akin to the brightest of flames, and it lights a fire that burns all the same in Tobio.
“Like hell you will.” Tobio scoffs, flicking Shoyo on the forehead with his fingers. Shoyo groans and mumbles an interesting set of insults under his breath.
Tobio tries to fight the grin on his lips.
—
The new first years stop by at afternoon practice for tryouts, and instantly they flock to Shoyo like baby crows.
It starts with just one of them. A first year who stands a hair taller than Yamaguchi. He approaches Shoyo with his hands behind his back, curled together and fidgeting, a sheepish smile on his face. And Shoyo, still at the ripe age of sixteen but is a whole volleyball season wiser, tougher and a tad more mature, sends him a smile back. He urges the first year to move closer, patting the empty space of hardwood floor beside him.
And that’s where it escalates.
Slowly, the other first years begin to gravitate towards Shoyo, the way the sun pulls planets into orbits.
They fire questions at him left and right, not one of them giving him the time to breathe, and he answers all of them with the enthusiasm of a 5 year old. His eyes shine; they twinkle as if to mimic the stars that Shoyo so desperately reaches for as he talks about training. The drills he does outside of practice. How all of it led to that spring that seemed like a lifetime ago.
It takes Tobio back to a night under the glow of the moon in the backyard of Shoyo’s home.
Two sets of hands and shovels. Clearing out the thick blanket of snow until they formed a space just big enough to practice. Weightless footsteps thundering across wooden floors and another head of that bright orange hair, pulled into pigtails.
For one night, Shoyo, Natsu, and Tobio played volleyball. And it’s a memory Tobio has permanently encapsulated in his mind.
He quickly warms up to Natsu. And he’s sure it should’ve been the other way around, with him making sure Natsu feels comfortable in his presence, but Natsu seems to know how Tobio struggles with meeting new people. So she approaches him before his mind can dwell on the idea of him leaving a bad impression on Shoyo’s family. She tugs at the fabric of his pants and asks him to teach her what he knows, gets him talking about what’s familiar until the itching beneath his skin stops.
The night ends when Shoyo and Natsu’s mother calls them for dinner and with Tobio being safe in the knowledge that even under the millions of stars strewn across the vast night sky, the brightest ones are the two sitting beside him.
Hours later, when he declines their mother’s insistence on him staying over for the night, he finds himself sitting on the floor of their genkan with Hinata Natsu.
“Hey Kage-chan,” Natsu tucks her legs into herself, wrapping her arms around to secure her position. She rests her head on her knees and looks up at Tobio, “do you like my brother?”
“What?” In a flash, Tobio lets go of the laces of his shoes to stare at Natsu. Perhaps the ability to say something that startles him so badly runs in the family. “I don’t- What made you say that?”
“Mama said when a person looks at something they like their eyes shine. Like…” Natsu hums in thought before lighting up, “Like stars! That’s how you looked at nii-chan earlier!”
“Oh…”
How else was Tobio supposed to look at Shoyo, anyway? Shoyo is the sun. The bright and warm star that stands at the center of the galaxy. The core of Karasuno’s offense. It is irrevocably who he is.
Shoyo will always be the sun, and Tobio will always look at him with that glimmer in his eyes.
“He looks at you like that too.”
The shock comes to him in multiple overwhelming waves that he has to stop mid-way from standing up, but his thoughts are cut off by Shoyo walking towards them with a tupperware full of that night’s dinner.
“Here! Mom wanted you to take some home.”
“Oh,” Tobio takes the container in his hands. He thinks nothing else could possibly shake him more than what Natsu said, until that sliver of a millisecond where the tips of his fingers brush against Shoyo’s knuckles happens. Tobio jerks away, hands almost dropping the container, “Uh- Thanks.”
“No problem…” Shoyo says, beaming with an eyebrow raised at Tobio, “Why are you acting so weird? Did Natsu say something?”
“I didn’t!” Natsu makes a face at Shoyo that has him swiftly reaching towards her torso, playfully jabbing a finger at her side. She yelps, chasing after his hand.
“You’ll come back soon, right?” Natsu says before the fight escalates, tiny fists being clutched by Shoyo.
Tobio stops for a moment, gives himself a chance to breathe. He’s used to not being the most popular with kids. The wary glances and their light footsteps heading away from him. It’s not like he wants to scare these kids away, but he also can’t blame them when he knows the look on his face is more of a scowl than anything else.
But Natsu, sweet sunshine Natsu who met him five hours ago and hasn’t shied away from him since. Natsu, who looks up at him with wonder as he sets for Shoyo. Natsu, who relentlessly pushes and presses when she asks him about volleyball and begs him to teach her more.
He looks down at her. He sees a carbon copy of the smile that sends his heart racing for god knows why, and feels the sun pulling the edge of his lips until he, too, is smiling.
“Sure.”
“Oi Kageyama!” Ukai calls for Tobio, gesturing with his hand without looking away from the stack of notes Yachi gave him.
Tobio jogs towards Ukai. He tries to drown out the sound of Shoyo’s voice and how it gets progressively brighter with each memory he retells.
“Yes, coach?”
Ukai glances up, eyeing Tobio and the empty space beside him. “Where’s your boyfriend?”
“Excuse me sir?” His eyes widen, mouth falling open. His mind runs a mile a minute as he thinks about who could possibly be mistaken as his boyfriend .
“Hinata? Where is he?”
Tobio’s cheeks flush a bright red. Shoyo? His boyfriend? Quickly, faster than he’s ever spoken before, he corrects his coach’s mistake. “Sir, he"s not my-”
“Can you call him over too?” Ukai waves him off.
“Sir, he’s really not-” His words fail to reach Ukai whose focus has shifted back to his notes. He sighs, slumping defeatedly. He tries to calm himself as he takes the dreaded thirty second walk back to Shoyo and the first years. He brings his hands to his cheeks, lightly slapping the skin as if anything could bring his cheeks back to their original complexion when they seem to redden every time the thought of Ukai’s completely and totally wrong assumption crosses his mind.
Shoyo? His boyfriend?
He thinks he shouldn’t be so bothered by it. Shoyo and him are … close , he admits. And it’s normal for someone to assume that there’s something going on between two people who are as close as they are.
But he just can’t get over the way Ukai says it so casually. How someone who knows them so well, knows there"s nothing going on between them, could say that. How it means that Shoyo and him could pass off as dating.
“Hey,” Tobio says, cutting Shoyo off as he’s in the middle of talking to the first years. He tries to avoid their piercing gaze. He whispers so quietly he can’t make out what exactly they’re saying about him, “Coach wants to talk to us.”
Shoyo sighs, exasperated. He glares at Tobio as he pushes himself off the floors.
“What did you do now?”
“Me?” Tobio says, voice rising and brows tightening together. He feels the all familiar adrenaline coursing through his veins whenever he’s arguing with Shoyo. “He called you too, dumbass.”
“Hey lovebirds! What’s taking so long?” And just as quickly, the adrenaline is gone. It’s one thing for Ukai to say it when it’s just between them, and another for him to shout it out while the rest of the team is around.
He hears the cheering. The first years giggling behind them. Noya and Tanaka’s incredibly annoying wolf whistling and teasing. Yet he doesn’t have the heart to look at Shoyo and how he reacts to all of this.
“Let’s go.” He says.
He misses it completely. The way Shoyo ducks his head to hide his flushed cheeks.
three —
or will the whole night pass
and i lie listening awake?
- hilda doolittle
In the early hours of the new year, amidst the sound of firecrackers setting off down the neighborhood and the lighthearted laughter, Tobio receives a message from Shoyo.
Tobio has learned over the past year that Shoyo’s enthusiasm transcends modes of communication, and that his usual bright and boisterous behavior doesn"t get lost even when they talk through texts.
bakageyama!!
will you visit the shrines later???
let’s go together!
Tobio reads the message over and over again. Runs his eyes over the end of Shoyo’s last message before jumping back to the beginning until he’s sure he’s truly lost his mind. He racks his brain over what he should reply, what his proper response should be. His hands feel damp with sweat.
Then, he stills. He pauses and backtracks over his sweaty palms and his tangled mess of a brain.
Why was he getting so worked up, anyway?
It’s just Shoyo. The same Shoyo that he’s been … friends with for over a year. The one who’s called for his tosses time and time again. The one who knows Tobio the same way he has all the lines over his palms memorized.
There’s no need for Tobio to be so nervous when, well, it’s only Shoyo.
Sure . Tobio hits send and falls back into his bed, slowly being lulled to sleep.
–
In just ten hours, Tobio realizes that there is, in fact, a very real need to be nervous even when it’s only Shoyo.
He arrives at the entrance of the shrines just a few minutes shy of 11 in the morning. The sun calls out to him in bright rays, shining just enough that it bounces off each fleck of snow falling to the ground, making them appear like stars gracing the earth. He pulls out his phone, huffing as the cold slowly seeps through his jacket.
It doesn’t take him long to find his messages with Shoyo on his phone, the short conversation they had that Tobio has read more times than he count. The four text bubbles that makes him realize the true gravity of the situation at hand.
That it won"t be long before he’s alone with Shoyo. Something he’s done countless of times before but seems to hold a different weight now.
He moves away from the crowd, finding a spot where he could squat down and sit in silence with his own thoughts. He tries to ignore the sweat building up once more in his hands as he traces random patterns on the ground. The kanji letters of his name. The sun.
He’s in the middle of drawing a crow when he senses someone crouching down to his level.
“Hey.”
Shoyo is there. sitting in front of Tobio with his cheeks flushed red like roses. His mouth is slightly agape and Tobio could see each breath he takes materializing in the air, the rise and fall of his chest, the warm breath fanning across his face grounds Tobio, contrasting all the times it has driven him near insanity.
“You know,” Shoyo leans closer until Tobio is almost sure that their noses are touching. From here, when Shoyo is only a slight shift of his body away, Tobio can see his lashes clearly, can count each individual strand.
He pokes his cheek, digging his finger into the flesh, “Your face looks really funny.”
“Shut up.” Tobio says. He swats Shoyo’s hand away and quickly pushes himself off the ground. The speed of his actions causes Shoyo to stumble backwards and land on his back. Like a force of habit, Tobio holds out his hand for Shoyo.
“Meanie.” Shoyo huffs, taking Tobio’s hand. He pulls and uses it as leverage to stand up, “Come on!”
Tobio lets himself be dragged by Shoyo. The way Shoyo continuously tugs at his arms as he runs through the crowd is almost aggressive enough that it hurts Tobio, but he can’t bring himself to care.
Not when Shoyo refuses to let go of his hand even as they buy omamoris . Not when Shoyo scoots closer to him as they pray for the new year.
–
“Kageyamaa,” On their way home Shoyo continues to nag at Tobio, dragging his name out longer the more he ignores him. He pokes him at random. his cheeks first, then his arms. his sides come next and that’s where Tobio’s reflexes kick in, jerking away from Shoyo, “Kageyamaaa-”
“Cut it out.” Tobio tsks. Shoyo giggles, the sound drowning Tobio’s ears until it’s the only thing he can hear. The snow crunching beneath their feet. The footsteps and the chattering of people passing them. All of them pales and fades in comparison to joy in Shoyo’s laughter.
“There’s this cafe I’ve been wanting to try out.” Shoyo says after he calms down. In an instant, his whole demeanor changes. Tobio has known Shoyo long enough to pick apart his mannerisms. To be able to tell how he’s feeling with just a slight shift of his body. “Can we- can we go there? I heard they’ve got reaalllyy good milk breads too.”
Right now, Tobio knows that Shoyo is nervous. For what reason? He’s not exactly sure. But he sees it in the way Shoyo can’t seem to meet his eyes. In the fluctuation of his voice and his rapid fire way of speaking. He feels the overwhelming urge to calm Shoyo down take over, “It’s ok if you don’t want to! I wouldn’t wanna force you to-”
“Idiot,” he cuts Shoyo off, “Shut up and lead the way.”
–
Tobio follows Shoyo into the cafe and is greeted by the scent of caffeine giving him a much too aggressive hug.
He’s almost thrown off balance when Shoyo pulls him inside, dragging him to an empty booth at the back of the cafe. He realizes, now that he’s settled in his seat across Shoyo and scanning through the menu, that the smell of caffeine doesn’t really overpower the pastries. The freshly made dough and bags of sugar. The strawberries and the milk. He weeds them out and inhales it all in, letting out a satisfied sigh that has Shoyo grinning.
“It took me forever to find this place! But I knew you’d like it here.”
“What?” Tobio blinks.
“Nothing!” Shoyo shakes his head dismissively, “Choose anything you like, it’s my treat.”
-
“I had a lot of fun today, Kageyama.” Shoyo stands under the entrance of his train station ride home.
“Uh, yeah” Tobio says, “Me too.”
Shoyo smiles and does the unthinkable, leaning in to wrap his arm halfway around Tobio.
“Take care!” he says before turning around and leaving Tobio stunned.
“Take … care?” Tobio speaks to no one, voice so low that only the pounding in his ears could possibly hear him.
–
“Kageyama!”
Tobio’s on his bus ride home when he, quite literally, bumps into Koushi.
“Oh, Sugawara-san,” he says, tilting his head downwards in a slight bow.
“How are you?” Koushi ignores his show of respect and brings him into a hug instead, threading his arms tightly around Tobio. Koushi pulls away, holding onto Tobio’s shoulder with one hand as the other pinches his cheek like a doting mother, “You’ve been eating well, right?”
Tobio can’t help the smile tugging at his lips. He misses this. The nagging. The reminders to eat that aren’t really necessary, for he’s learned a long time ago the importance of self maintenance, but still never fails to warm his heart.
“Of course. How about you?”
“Yeah I’m alright.” Koushi sighs, finally letting Tobio go. “Tired, but I’ve been managing.”
“That’s nice to hear, Sugawara-san.”
“Gosh, no need to be so formal!” he laughs, “So what are you doing out this late?”
“Me and Hinata hung out.”
“Oh?” he finds it equally comical and confusing when Koushi’s eyebrows shoot up, “Really? Just the two of you?”
“Yeah.” Tobio says, voice growing quiet.
“I see …” Koushi nods his head repeatedly in thought, “Say Kageyama, what do you think of Hinata-kun?”
Tobio’s head tilts in confusion, “What do you mean?”
“Like-” Koushi pauses, thinking about the best way to explain this to someone he knows is a bit … dense, “What can you say to me about him?”
“But you know him already? What can I say that you don’t already know?”
“Just-!” he places a hand on Tobio’s shoulder, sighing almost exasperatedly “Just do it, please?”
“Well I guess he’s-” Tobio, in truth, doesn’t really know what to say. Should he tell Koushi that Shoyo is the sun? That he lights up the room with ease, that merely his smile is enough to warm people up?
“He’s gotten a lot better at … everything. He works really hard to polish his skills, I can tell. He never slacks off and always stays behind after practice. And I guess, his- I don’t know, presence helps a lot. There’s lots of new first years at the club but he helps me in getting to know them.”
He feels as if it’s not enough, but he knows he can’t string together words coherent enough to truly convey his thoughts. That Shoyo is beyond words, indescribable.
“And?” Koushi asks, leaning closer towards Tobio. He moves away when he’s met with silence, “That’s it?”
“Yeah why?”
“No reason.” he sighs, eyes darting to the windows, “Ah this is my stop. It was nice bumping into you, Kageyama.”
“You too, Sugawara-san.”
“Take care of yourself, okay?” he pats Tobio on the shoulder, smiling in a way that has him growing all the more curious over what Koushi was asking earlier, “And maybe think a little harder about your feelings, hm?”
Tobio nods, waving him off.
He thinks, like Koushi said, and immediately his thoughts land on the hugs he’s received today. How the one he got from Shoyo could hardly be considered as one, and yet it sent his heart racing faster than ever before.
two —
here, the body undoes itself
- laura paul watson
“Hinata-san! Is it true?” Shoyo looks up from where’s stretched out on the floor, relieving the slight burn on the back of his legs. He raises a brow and tilts his head, unkempt hair falling to the side. Tobio feels his heart racing.
“What is?”
“You’re really going to Rio?”
For a moment, Tobio’s heart stops. The air is knocked out of his lungs.
“Oh that!” Shoyo beams. The sun shines brighter than ever before, “Yeah I am.”
“That’s so cool!” the first year jumps in place, eyes sparkling with admiration.
“It is! I’m really excited to go!”
Tobio’s hearing grows fuzzy to the point where he can barely hear Ukai call them over to the court for spiking drills.
–
The rest of practice ends up being an utter disaster for Tobio. He can’t count on both hands the amount of sloppy tosses he’s made. The balls he served that either got caught on the net or flew way out of bounds. It got to the point where even Tsukishima hasn’t made a single snarky comment at his incredibly unusual performance. He knows better than to provoke Tobio when he’s this out of it.
Tobio chooses to isolate himself from the team, walking a few paces behind at the very back of their small crowd. He doesn’t join in on any of the fast paced conversations they had that switches by the minute no matter how many times Shoyo offers him a window to speak with his usual lighthearted teasing. He nods at each of them, makes a short comment or two once in a while, but ultimately he makes it clear that he’s not really in the mood for it right now.
One of the second years asks if he could buy meat buns as they pass Sakanoshita Market and they all pile inside the store.
“Kageyama senpai! You’re not coming?”
Tobio waves the first year off, “I’ll just wait for you guys here.”
He sits himself down on the concrete in front of the store. Here, where his view of the moon is so clear, does he let himself try to gain that same clarity in his thoughts.
Shoyo is moving away to the other side of the world, and he’s not quite sure how he feels about it. There’s a part of him that feels a sense of pride towards Shoyo, the one that knows he’s doing this for his own good. For volleyball. He knows it’s not easy for Shoyo to leave his entire life, his friends, his family, and everything behind for the sake of getting better. It’s a sacrifice he chose to make, and Tobio couldn’t be more proud as his partner.
But there’s also a part of him that wants Shoyo to stay. That wants to selfishly ask Shoyo to, physically, be by his side forever.
He hears the doors of the store open. He turns around to see Shoyo, holding a bag of untouched meat bun in his hand.
“You want some? My treat.”
He takes the food in his hands, muttering a soft “thank you” under his breath. He opens the paper bag and finds that there’s also a small carton of his favorite milk inside. Tobio pulls the drink out and stares at it, stunned. He’s about to thank Shoyo again when he realizes that he’s grabbing his bike from where it’s leaning against the wall of the store.
“Let’s go.” Shoyo says.
“But the others?”
“Told them I suddenly wasn’t feeling well. Come on, we can stop by the park so you can actually toss to me, not hit my head with the ball.” Shoyo says as he gets on his bike.
“It was one time.” Tobio groans.
–
“So …” Tobio uses his legs to push himself lightly on the swing, holding the milk carton in his hand. He clears his throat after taking a sip, “Rio, huh?”
“Yeah!” Shoyo swings with full force beside him, but he stops when he notices Tobio’s silence, his lips pulled into a tight line.
“Hey,” Shoyo nudges Tobio with his foot, “What’s wrong?”
“Don’t-” Tobio looks at Shoyo.
“Don’t go.” he almost says. But his words, the part of him that wants to plead for Shoyo to stay, gets caught in his throat.
“Just don’t go thinking that when you come back you can beat me.” He feigns huffing in annoyance, leaning over to land a light slap on the back of Shoyo’s head.
“Oh please,” Shoyo takes Tobio by surprise when he turns in the swing to face him, so close to the point that Tobio has to force the yelp slipping from his lips back down, “Just say you’ll miss me.”
“No way.” Tobio pushes Shoyo away, facing the other side. He misses the grin on Shoyo’s face, “Just take care of yourself out there.”
“But seriously,” Shoyo says, “We can always call each other, you know that right? Or I don’t know, maybe we can fly you out!”
Tobio doesn"t say anything in response, but he’s sure Shoyo doesn’t need a verbal confirmation for either of his plans.
The silence is reassurance enough that even with thousands of miles between them, even when the sun rises for Tobio the moment it sets for Shoyo, they will always have each other.
one —
the water was so still
i believed it would keep us
right-side up forever
- kara van de graaf
The unrelenting sound of the buzzer is the only thing that Tobio hears over the ringing in his ears.
His legs take on a will of their own, forcing him to follow the rest of the team out of the court. He stands at the very back of the crowd, the furthest away from Ukai and his ramblings about how they’ll win this match.
It’s the last set of the Spring High Tournament’s semifinals, and Karasuno High School is three points behind Itachiyama Institute who’s at match point.
Tobio’s mind runs a mile a minute as he thinks about what they should do in their last few minutes on the court. Which plays they should make. Who he should toss the ball to.
And it takes him back to that spring almost two years ago.
The buzzer calling for timeout. The sweat pouring down his back. Shoyo being pulled out of the match. His tears. The way he held onto Takeda, begging to be let back into the court. How they were so close to getting further in the competition before it all came crashing down. And before his thoughts land on the idea of them losing, the sun calls out to him.
“Kageyama,” Shoyo taps his shoulder, “We’ll win this.”
Tobio looks at Shoyo and sees that all familiar fire burning in the reflection of his eyes. It pumps him up, and dispels all his worries until he’s sure of it.
They will win.
–
Tobio sits at the corner of his shared room with Shoyo at their accommodation in Tokyo. He leans his back flat against the wall before stretching forward, fingers reaching past his toes. He relishes in the slight burn he feels in his muscles.
He hears the shower door opening but he doesn’t bother looking up. It’s only Shoyo, he knows.
“Hey, Natsu wants me to buy some souvenirs. Wanna come?”
Tobio takes a glance at Shoyo and knows immediately that this might be what breaks him. Hair damp with a towel placed over his nape. The odd domesticity of the two of them taking care of themselves in the same space.
His fingers twitch and scream at him to touch Shoyo’s hair.
Tobio clears his throat, “Sure.”
–
“You think she’ll like this?” Shoyo points at a keychain of the Tokyo Skytree with the sun rising beyond the horizon.
Tobio hums, eyes scanning the wide array of Tokyo related keychains. The amount of colors and designs he looks at is almost overstimulating, but he manages to find a charm of Hello Kitty leaning against the skytree. He grabs it and hands it to Shoyo, “This one might be better.”
“Are you saying you know my sister better than me?”
“You’re the one who asked for my opinion, dumbass.”
“What if we buy both and see which one she likes more.” Shoyo takes both keychains and heads to the cashier in record breaking speed. Tobio catches up right behind him.
“You’re on.”
–
The walk back to their hotel is short and quiet, with only the sound of the plastic bag Shoyo is swinging back and forth in his hand and the bustling streets of Tokyo filling the space between them. Tobio tries to take his mind off the fact that the back of his hand has been brushing against Shoyo’s ever since they left the souvenir shop.
“I really thought we’d win this time.” Shoyo says, voice uncharacteristically quiet.
“Me too.” Tobio sighs.
The silence settles once again. They don’t need to go over what happened. The mistakes and what should’ve been"s. What’s done is done, and they’ve reached further than they did in their first year. The loss is disappointing, but both of them know there are no regrets.
That their journey standing on the same side of the court ends for now, and soon, they will face each other with a net standing in between.
“Oh well,” Shoyo shrugs, “That just means me beating you is gonna happen a lot sooner.”
“You mean me beating you?”
“As if! I’m gonna come back from Rio and I’ll finally beat you.”
Tobio smiles. The sun shines bright even if it’s night.
“I’ll hold you to that.”
zero —
late night, our hearts ticking, the crickets outside
play the drums of their lives
- nome emeka patrick
Tobio’s body aches, in a way that is all too familiar and deeply unpleasant.
His last year of high school has forced him to take his academic responsibilities more seriously, to spend more time studying than he would like.
Which is why he finds himself sitting in a booth far back of the cafe Shoyo took him to last year, buried in photocopies of the notes Yachi made. Their table is littered with pens and highlighters in a wide array of colors, all of which were gifted by none other than Yachi.
He hasn’t looked away from his material in a while, but he takes comfort in knowing Shoyo is sitting across from him, suffering just as much as he is.
Then, Tobio hits a stump. He rereads the text over and over again, stares at the formulas written until his eyes are sore, and yet he still can’t grasp the mere idea of what he’s trying to study.
“Hey dumbass, do you know how-” his voice trails off when he looks up and sees Shoyo slumped against the table, arms sprawled over his notes. Tobio doesn’t know how missed the light snoring. Or the fact that the sound of Shoyo’s pen digging into his paper has completely ceased. But regardless, here he is now, in deep slumber, and Tobio doesn’t have the heart to wake him up.
He leans over the table to wrap Shoyo’s jacket around his shoulders. He straightens up, sighing in feigned annoyance.
“You said no sleeping,” he says, as soft as he possibly can.
Tobio threads his fingers through Shoyo’s hair. He notes how it’s gotten longer, long enough that it now reaches past his ears in a bundle of orange locks brighter than the sun.
And that’s where it hits him.
There, sitting in a booth at the back of a cafe in the middle of Sendai tucked away from the rest of the world, does Kageyama Tobio realize that his heart houses more love than he can fathom for one Hinata Shoyo.
In that very same moment, he decides to keep his feelings to himself.
They’re both leaving soon, following whichever path volleyball takes them. In just a year from now, Shoyo will be off to the other side of the world in the beaches of Rio, Brazil and he will stay right here in Japan, pursuing his promising career in volleyball.
He thinks it’s unwise for him to try anything, not when he’s sure that Shoyo doesn’t like him back.
Then, Shoyo wakes up. The sun rises in front of Tobio’s eyes.
It’s crazy how love works. How it drives him from one set of mind to the next in a heartbeat. How a single instance of the sun shining at him convinces him that no, he can’t stand knowing he holds this cosmic amount of love for Shoyo and keep it to himself. He wants to shout it out until his lungs hurt and all he can do is whisper it at night to the skies, so they can sing it as the morning sun dawns on the rest of the world.
“I-” but for now, he settles on just Shoyo. Because who else deserves to know that Tobio would pluck the stars and hand it to him should he wish so?
“I-” he looks at Shoyo who’s shaking the sleep off as he yawns in the eye. Those big brown eyes that urges him to speak, gives him that gentle nudge he needs to finally, after all these years, say …
“I love you.”
Shoyo freezes, before his lips break out into the biggest smile Tobio has ever seen.
“I know.” He kicks his feet back and leans on his seat.
“You what?” Tobio almost chokes in his own spit, knees almost cracking from how fast he stands up.
“I know, idiot.” Shoyo says. He’s on the verge of tears from how hard he’s trying to suppress his laughter, “You’re not exactly the best at hiding something like this.”
He struggles to say anything, heart racing and mind muddled, “I- For how long?”
“For like, a year now. Seriously, you never knew I loved you back? I didn’t think you were this dense.”
Tobio has no choice but to seat himself back down.
Hinata Shoyo. Shoyo, who is the sun, who shines brighter than anyone he’s ever known, likes- no, loves him? Years of Tobio being unsure of his feelings, and all this time Shoyo knew?
“If you knew,” Tobio mutters under his breath, “How come you didn’t say anything?”
“I was waiting for you! To- I don’t know- be comfortable enough to say it? I know how you get with these things. but I seriously thought I’d have to make a move because you were taking so long.”
“Oh.” Tobio is stunned. Shoyo was … waiting for him, for god knows how long, to realize his feelings on his own, “Thanks …”
The silence is suffocating this time around, and Tobio feels the immediate urge to break it.
“So are we-”
“Do you wanna go-”
They stare at each other before breaking out into a fit of giggles. Tobio inches his hand closer to Shoyo’s over the table, and Shoyo takes it without hesitation. Their fingers intertwine, the sun shines and the one who will love him until the end of time basks in his affection.
“I’d like that.”
“Yeah, me too.”