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Gwen headed down the hallway from Morgana’s chambers with a tray of the morning’s leftovers in her hands. She walked down the steps carefully, the midmorning light shining through the stained-glass windows. She was almost to the kitchens when Merlin ran past her, shoving his way past people and causing general chaos as he grabbed Arthur’s meal. The other servants, Gwen included, simply shook their heads or rolled their eyes. There was no changing Merlin. He passed by Gwen on his way out, giving her a bright smile.
“Hello Gwen!” He said, balancing tray and food haphazardly. Merlin seemed awake and full of energy, not even his lateness dampening his spirit.
“Merlin.” She laughed. He seemed to want to stay for a moment and talk but cast a quick glance down the hall. Gwen wondered if he could hear Arthur yell from that far away.
“Well, I gotta go. You know how temperamental he is.” Merlin started jogging but paused midway, “See you later Gwen!” He called out with a wave, leaving the food precariously balanced in one hand. Gwen shook her head and returned his gesture.
Her friend certainly was unique, from his cheerful demeanor to his entertaining clumsiness to his willingness to stand up to the nobles. Few other servants would dare show that much blatant disrespect. But Gwen thought it was endearing, and despite how he seemed, she knew there was a lot more going on under the surface. She thought it was strange how he could appear so cheerful doing his chores yet other times she felt she saw something so sad in his stormy eyes. Gwen had grown closer to him in their months at Camelot, spending time together and sharing chores, but it was always like she never quite knew him. That there was something holding him back.
Thinking of that reminded her of when she ran into him yesterday. She had been on her way out to run some errands when she found Merlin on one of the outer balconies. He stood there, staring past the lower town, out over the forest and plains, almost entranced. There was something sad in his face and he looked almost longingly into the distance. His hair fluttered a little in the breeze.
“Merlin,” she called quietly, not wanting to startle him. He didn’t seem to hear her. “Merlin,” she said again, this time taping on his shoulder. He looked momentarily surprised but gave her a polite smile.
“Hello Gwen.” He sounded tired and distant as if he’d just waged a war. She had seen those same kinds of looks in the knights.
“Merlin, what’s wrong?” she asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.
“I’m fine.” He replied, “Arthur’s just being an arse.” Gwen gave him a pointed look. She could tell it was more than that.
“Merlin, you know you can tell me anything.” Gwen replied, knowing that Merlin would not be looking like that if he’d just had a fight with Arthur. In fact, he’d likely be with him, ignoring whatever he said and pestering him about it.
Merlin deflated at her words. His eyes drifted and he gave a sigh, looking across the land once more.
“I like being here in Camelot, I really do. It’s just still so different from Ealdor. I mean it’s a good different and all; it’s nice not having everyone knowing everything about you.” He rambled, suddenly looking a little hesitant. “But I guess even though I’m happy here, I still miss it.” He said, quieter, eyes downcast.
He looked so sad Gwen couldn’t help it. She took a step forward, pulling him into a hug. Although he was taller, he rested his face on her shoulder, and Gwen held on as if she could fix whatever was really bothering him.
“It’s normal to feel homesick.” Gwen began, finally pulling away. “If you do still want to stay in Camelot, I’ll make sure you’ll get a chance to visit often then, I’ll even harass Arthur for you to get a day off.” Gwen smiled. Merlin’s face brightened and he snorted.
She could tell that there was something he was not saying. The hint of sadness in his eyes was even more noticeable now. While this homesickness might be bothering him, there was something else as well. Merlin cared so deeply, and so much more than people thought. It wasn’t hard to imagine that there were other things upsetting him. Gwen looked out to the fields, where Merlin’s attention had been moments before.
“It’s a lovely day isn’t it?” She said, trying to lighten the atmosphere.
“Yeah.” Merlin answered quietly. He looked a little uncomfortable, like he wanted to leave. He looked at Gwen again, something deep and bottomless in his eyes; then he turned away.
“Merlin.” She said, he faced her once more.
“I care for you a great deal. If there’s anything else you ever need to talk about, know that I’m here for you. And I mean anything.” Gwen tried to show how open she was, hoping he would tell her whatever it was that was really troubling him.
Instead he gave her a nod and a kind smile before walking down the steps from the balcony. Gwen let out a sigh. If he wouldn’t tell her, she would have to wait.