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Sakusa Kiyoomi is not a normal man. For one thing, he's incredibly ornery and has difficulty communicating with almost anyone. For another, he has a fixation with cleanliness and order that nobody else understands. And for another, he is the third child and second son of the King of Itachiyama, which makes him a prince.
Being a prince isn't all that bad most of the time. He has servants to clean for him, though it's hard to find ones he trusts to do a thorough job and not slack off. He doesn't have to partake in menial labor and gets to spend his time learning a wide array of subjects from arts and history to sciences and arithmetic. And he never has to worry about his quality of life, for every possible thing he might need is ready to be supplied to him at any moment.
Sakusa knows he's lucky. Especially as someone who has so many particularities in his character, he knows most of his needs wouldn't be met if he weren't royalty. But still, being a prince has its many downsides, most present of which is that he's being forced to marry advantageously.
His father has attempted to line up many a suitor for Sakusa, but he's refused every single one. There was the second Prince of Johzenji who had no understanding of personal space. Then there was the Duke of Inarizaki whose mere voice set Sakusa on edge with its brashness. And then there was the young King of Karasuno, who was just as sullen and surly with Sakusa as Sakusa was with him, and they parted without saying more than ten words to each other.
It's a game of sorts to Sakusa, seeing how quickly he can make each new bachelor give up on him and leave. Meanwhile, his father grows more and more frustrated by the day.
"You're running out of options, Kiyoomi," his father rumbled to him just a few days ago in his kingly, authoritative voice. "You must pick someone, else I'll do it for you."
The problem—other than the sheer undesirability of each so-called 'eligible' bachelor his father has presented him with—is that Sakusa has already chosen. At least, in his mind. But he cannot tell his father this, because his heart has settled on none other than his favorite tutor, Kuroo Tetsurou, and he knows it can never be.
When Sakusa first met Kuroo six years ago, he didn't like him. Firstly, the man seemed to be near him in age, and yet he was supposed to tutor Sakusa in the sciences? Secondly, he had look about him that told Sakusa he was never being fully forthcoming, that there was some sort of mischief hiding behind those golden eyes. And thirdly, Sakusa simply didn't tend to like anyone he met.
As the years went on, though, Sakusa grew to respect Kuroo. He was incredibly smart and quickly proved his worth as a tutor even at such a young age. He was patient and passionate in his teachings, and Sakusa began to look forward to his lessons most of all. Sakusa even went so far as to request more lessons with Kuroo, which his father was pleased with since he thought his son was developing an enthusiasm for such a respectable and worthwhile subject.
And, perhaps most importantly, Kuroo observed his boundaries. Most people did so easily because they knew their lives and jobs were at risk were they to anger him. It was also improper to touch a member of the royal household, and so most people gave him space even if they didn't know about his aversion to touch. But Kuroo respected his boundaries in a way that didn't make Sakusa feel like a burden.
He washed his hands frequently in the basin set up in the study room without prompting from Sakusa. He did not loom over Sakusa's shoulder when he studied a passage from a text, but rather had the palace purchase second copies of books so they could each work from their own edition. Whenever he did have to come near Sakusa, Kuroo always kept a conscious distance between them so that not even their clothing brushed.
Kuroo hadn't ever touched Sakusa, would likely never touch Sakusa both out of respect for him and his stature, but oh how Sakusa aches for him to.
Sakusa knows what it is like to be held in high regard, to be esteemed for his title and his worth. But he'd never known what it was like to be respected for who he was as a person. Kuroo never makes him feel strange for his idiosyncrasies or compulsions, never mutters under his breath about the inconveniences Sakusa causes for him. Kuroo only listens to and honors Sakusa, and it makes Sakusa wish he could honor Kuroo in return.
He isn't exactly sure when in the six years they'd known each other that Sakusa had started falling in love with him. All he knows is that one day he'd looked at Kuroo and felt he must never let him leave the palace again or his chest might split open, and the rest was history.
"Your Highness?"
Sakusa startles, chin slipping from the hand he'd been resting it on. He really must've been out of it if he'd been touching his face with his—albeit gloved—hand. Hands were notoriously filthy, touching anything and everything without regard to where it's been.
Kuroo observes him with amusement. "Are the movements of the stars not interesting to you?"
"I am very interested," Sakusa replies immediately, which would've been a lie even if he had been paying attention. His only interest in astronomy comes from Kuroo's interest in it, and Kuroo knows this, which is why he laughs in response. As he does, Sakusa wishes he could see the shape his mouth takes.
He can't see Kuroo's mouth because Kuroo is wearing a face veil similar to Sakusa's own, though made of far less quality since Sakusa's is gaudily embroidered with fine threads and gems. It is another way Kuroo shows his respect to Sakusa, because Sakusa only requires servants to wear the veils if they are in his bed chambers, yet Kuroo wears one anyway.
"Well perhaps this will interest you," Kuroo continues. "If my calculations are correct—" They always are. "—then we should be treated to a meteor shower tonight. And you will have a perfect view from your balcony if the skies stay clear. I've already requested the servants to set up the spare telescope for your use."
"It sounds lovely," Sakusa says. "Will you be watching as well?"
"Unfortunately no, my home is on the wrong side of the castle to view it," Kuroo replies. "I look forward to hearing from you how it is, if you watch."
Sakusa watches Kuroo as he carefully erases the diagrams from the board he'd been writing on and thinks of how unfair it is that Kuroo won't be able to see the meteor shower. Kuroo, who did all of the studying and the calculations and made all of the preparations and actually loves astronomy, deserves to see them more than he does. Watching them fall across the sky won't be the same without Kuroo's insights or facts, and he feels almost empty at the thought.
"Watch it with me."
They both freeze, Kuroo when he hears him and Sakusa when he realizes what he's said.
"My lord?" Kuroo asks, turning to look at Sakusa. His brows are furrowed in confusion.
Sakusa sits up, straightening his shoulders, and gathers every ounce of his princely demeanor as he settles into his resolve. He doesn't start things he doesn't finish, and so he looks Kuroo directly in the eyes and says, "Watch it with me. Come back to the castle tonight, and we can watch together from my balcony."
"I…I would love to," Kuroo says, and Sakusa wonders if it's his imagination or if his voice comes out a little breathless. "But are you sure?"
"I am," Sakusa replies, and it's true. He doesn't have any hesitations about inviting Kuroo into his bed chambers despite both his aversion to people's dirty bodies in his rooms and how it would look if anyone found out. He just wants Kuroo to be there with him while they experience this event.
"Then I will return tonight," Kuroo says, and Sakusa knows he isn't imagining the sparkle in those beautiful golden eyes.
/ / /
After Kuroo leaves for the evening as usual, Sakusa spirals in anxiety. He orders the servants to scrub down his chambers even though they'd just been cleaned yesterday and the usual schedule is only twice a week. Once they're done, he spends a ridiculous amount of time straightening everything in sight, making sure it's entirely presentable for Kuroo's arrival. Then he changes his robes seven times and spends even more time rehanging and smoothing the discards.
The knock at his door comes sooner than expected. Earlier, Sakusa had informed his guards that Kuroo would be returning to the castle tonight and to immediately escort him to his chambers when he arrived. It looks like that time is now.
"Enter," he intones, though he knows his guards won't. The doors swing open and the guards stand carefully at the threshold of his room, and between them stands Kuroo.
"Kuroo Tetsurou, Your Highness," one says.
"Thank you. You are dismissed," Sakusa replies.
Kuroo pauses for a moment, then takes a bracing step into the space. The guards close the doors, and then Sakusa and Kuroo are alone. Together. In his bed chambers.
Maybe this was a bad idea, Sakusa thinks to himself as his cheeks begin to heat up.
"How…was your supper?" Sakusa asks slowly because he doesn't know what else to say.
"Just fine. Yours?"
"Also fine."
Kuroo's eyes crinkle at the corners, and Sakusa knows he must be smiling underneath the black veil. "Are we done attempting pleasantries?"
"Yes, please," Sakusa exhales. He hates exchanging useless niceties with people for the sake of social acceptability. There's a special kind of torture in wasting time saying words that mean nothing, which is unfortunately how the royal family spends a great deal of their time.
"Shall we set up, then?" Kuroo asks.
"Please," Sakusa replies, gesturing to the balcony.
Instead of going straight for the gilded doors, Kuroo detours immediately for the washing basin in one corner of the room and Sakusa's heart swells with affection and gratitude. Together, they retreat out to the balcony where the last vestiges of the sun are clinging to the edge of the night sky and Kuroo begins fiddling with the controls on the large telescope.
"It's good you agreed to come," Sakusa tells him as he takes a seat on the stone bench. "I wouldn't have known how to set it up."
"You could have figured it out," Kuroo replies. "You've seen me do it enough times."
He has, but he's never paid attention to what Kuroo's actually doing, only to the long deft fingers that move over the delicate instrument as he imagines what they would feel like on his skin.
Sakusa forces himself to look away and takes a deep breath and reaches up, unhooking the fine golden chains that fasten his veil around his face. He lowers it into his lap and feels the evening air brush over his cheeks. A moment later, when Kuroo turns to pull something from the satchel he'd brought, he catches sight of Sakusa's bare face and stops so suddenly he almost stumbles.
"H-Highness?" Kuroo stutters.
He's never seen my face before outside of royal portraits, Sakusa realizes, and he has to resist the urge to either crumple the veil in his hands or slap it back over his face. "You may take yours off, if you wish," he says in what he hopes is an even tone. "I do not mind."
Kuroo pauses for just a moment, then his hands lift to the back of his head and he unties the strings that keep his veil secured over his mouth and nose. When he gets the ties undone and pulls it from his face, Sakusa isn't sure if this is the best or worst idea he's ever had.
Best, because Kuroo's grown even more handsome in the years since Sakusa had last seen his full face. His jawline is sharp, the cheekbones firm, the mouth—his mouth—wide and inviting. It's the face of a man, not the seventeen-year-old he'd met six years prior.
Worst, because now Sakusa has forgotten how to breathe.
"M-may I sit?" Kuroo asks finally.
"Yes," Sakusa says, snapping out of his frozen gaze. "Yes, please."
Kuroo takes a seat beside him on the bench, leaving a space between them that Sakusa feels ever centimeter of. A comfortable silence stretches between them as they stare up at the darkening sky, which reveals more and more stars the longer they look. The night grows heavier, and they comfortably exchange questions and bits of conversation, but nothing about it is meaningless niceties. Every word he shares with Kuroo is special.
"What's the name?" Kuroo asks suddenly, pointing up at the night sky. Sakusa stares at his hand.
"Teaching even now?" Sakusa asks instead of answering.
"Come on, you know this one."
Sakusa leans close under the guise of trying to better see where Kuroo is pointing. To his disappointment, Kuroo leans back, maintaining the space between them.
"Aquila," Sakusa answers, pulling back to his original position. "Lyra's up there."
The constellations each contain one half of a pair of forbidden lovers, two stars that represent Orihime and Hikoboshi, who according to legend are only allowed to meet once a year in the summer months.
"Correct."
"Do you think it would have been better for them if they'd never met?" Sakusa asks suddenly. "If they'd just kept to their own ways of life, if they hadn't fallen in love and gotten married, then they wouldn't be so miserable now being only able to see each other once a year."
"You're asking an age-old question," Kuroo replies, and Sakusa is grateful he's picked up on Sakusa's tangential thoughts. "Is it better to know great pain because it comes with great love, or is it better to have not known either? Many philosophers have pondered over that very questions."
"But what do you think?" Sakusa presses.
"I…" Kuroo drops his head to look at his lap. "My feelings are…complicated."
Sakusa's heart pounds in his chest. He shifts closer on the stone bench, but Kuroo doesn't shift away. They're close, so close, and Sakusa could just lean in or reach over or—
"Oh!" he gasps, because he just saw a brief streak of light shoot across the sky.
Kuroo leaps to his feet and hurries over to the telescope, observing the sky for a moment before positioning it and playing with a few dials. Sakusa rises too and goes to stand near him once he feels his hands aren't shaking anymore.
"There," Kuroo whispers. "Here, look."
He steps to the side, giving Sakusa plenty of room to step forward and look into the telescope, but Sakusa wishes he would stand closer. He has a sudden vision in his mind of standing with Kuroo as they look through a telescope together, with Kuroo holding Sakusa from behind and his chin resting on Sakusa's shoulder. He wants that so badly his skin tingles.
Instead of saying this, though, Sakusa leans forward and looks through the telescope. The night sky is practically alive like this, glittering and shifting like the ocean below, and then—there. A streak of white so fast that if Sakusa had blinked at the wrong time he would've missed it.
"Beautiful," Sakusa breathes.
"Yes," Kuroo says.
Sakusa steps back and sees Kuroo's eyes fixed on the sky above them. His face is alight with joy and wonder as he watches the show play out on the inky midnight backdrop, and Sakusa takes back what he said before. This is the more beautiful view.
He moves to stand beside Kuroo, the telescope forgotten about as the meteors come faster now, truly a shower as they paint the sky with percussive white stripes. Kuroo shifts subtly back to maintain the space between them, and Sakusa bites his lip.
Kuroo will never break his boundaries. Sakusa knows this, and he also knows that if he's the one that put them up then he needs to be the one to take them down, but doubt and indecision war in his mind. He shouldn't even consider this, let alone do it. His only true duty as the third child of the King is to marry advantageously to further strengthen the bonds the Kingdom of Itachiyama has with other lands.
And besides the social ramifications a relationship between them would entail, he doesn't actually know how Kuroo feels. He suspects that what Kuroo feels is the same as he does, but he really isn't good at reading people. Kuroo could have just been humoring him all these years and he would never know. Kuroo could look at him and see only a prince and a pupil and nothing more. Or, if Sakusa makes his move Kuroo may feel pressured to respond in a way he doesn't truly feel simply because of the status Sakusa holds over him.
Sakusa doesn't know what's come over him this night, why tonight of all nights is when he's decided he's had enough. Perhaps it's the romance of the stars above them inspiring him, perhaps it's the fact that Kuroo is here and his bed is just a few meters away, or perhaps his heart has decided it is simply the right time after all these years of pining. Either way, he's got to do something. Like Orihime and Hikoboshi, he's going to take a chance on his love.
So as they stand side by side watching the meteors streak over the sky, Sakusa takes Kuroo's hand in his. Kuroo's hand is warm and just as big as his, though more calloused and rough. It tightens around his once Kuroo fully realizes what's happening, and Sakusa's heart launches itself into his throat.
"M-my lord? What is—"
"Kiyoomi," he interrupts. He can feel Kuroo staring at the side of his face, but he knows if he turns and meets those golden eyes that any resolve he has in this will melt and he'll panic. "You can call me Kiyoomi, Testurou. Please."
Silence comes over them, and for a moment Sakusa isn't sure he'd be able to hear Kuroo over the pounding of his heart even if Kuroo did speak
"K-Ki…Kiyoomi," Kuroo says finally, and Sakusa's heart falls from his chest while the stars fall from the sky above them.
They turn to each other at the same time, the meteor shower forgotten in favor of the feelings blooming between them.
"Tetsurou, I…I care for you," Sakusa breathes. "Deeply. I do not want any of the suitors my father has attempted to pick for me. I only want you. And if you do not feel the same, I understand. There will be no punishment for you. But I had to—I had to, to try—"
"Kiyoomi," Kuroo says, firmly and with a squeeze of his hand, which is still the only physical point of contact between them. "I care for you as well. More than I should. More than is right. I shouldn't—I do not deserve your affection, Highness, though I am grateful. There are many men better than I who should have your interest."
"They aren't you," Sakusa insists. "You are the only one I want."
Kuroo's face breaks open in a smile, and Sakusa wants to feel it against his. "I must admit that's all I've ever wanted to hear."
Sakusa smiles back at him and steps forward, bringing a hand to rest against Kuroo's chest. It's broad and firm, but Sakusa can feel the thrum of a nervous heartbeat beneath the coarse material. Kuroo sighs out his nose, and the air blows against Sakusa's hand and he isn't disgusted. He just wants more.
"Tetsurou," he whispers. "Touch me, please. I need—I want—"
Kuroo releases Sakusa's hand to wrap his arms around him, crushing the prince into his chest. One hand winds through his thick black curls while the other snakes around his waist and holds him close. Sakusa's arms come up around Kuroo's back and his fingers dig into the fabric of his jacket. He puts his face into the crook between Kuroo's neck and shoulder and just breathes.
Sakusa can't remember the last time he was touched, let alone the last time he was held like something someone loved. He supposes his mother must've cradled him when he was a child, or that he received hugs from his older brother and sister before duty faded their affections for each other, but he doesn't remember any of that. All he remembers is the desire for touch while being confusingly repulsed by it at the same time. But he isn't repulsed right now.
"Kiyoomi," Kuroo whispers, but it isn't to get his attention. He's just saying it because he can, and it makes Sakusa smile.
"Tetsurou," Sakusa mumbles in response, and he lifts his head slightly as he does so, causing his lips to brush against the skin of Kuroo's neck.
Kuroo gives a whole body shudder and the fingers in Sakusa's hair tighten, drawing his face away from Kuroo's neck so they're both looking at each other. Kuroo moves the hand from Sakusa's waist up to cup his cheek, thumb pressing lightly to Sakusa's lower lip in question. If this were anyone else in the world, even his mother, Sakusa would be shoving them away right now.
But to Kuroo, he simply says, "Please."
When their mouths meet, the culmination of everything Sakusa's been feeling and burying for years comes bubbling up and trickles down his cheeks in the form of a few stray tears. Kuroo's mouth is warm and gentle and patient as he guides Sakusa through the kiss, and when they pull away Sakusa's head is spinning so badly he has to cling to Kuroo more than ever just to stay upright.
"I love you," Kuroo murmurs. "I love you with every piece of my heart."
"And I love you," Sakusa replies, "more than all the riches in the land."
It's not as simple as all that, of course. If they go through with this publicly, there's going to be a lot of negotiating and fighting and standing up for themselves. The scandal will rock the kingdom and the surrounding lands for months, and Sakusa's father may try to punish or separate them.
But Sakusa knows that as long as there are stars in the sky, he will love Kuroo, and he has to believe that they can overcome all the odds.