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“Come on Misaki! New song new song new song! Let’s go practice!” said Kokoro. The shorter girl dragged them along with a strength that managed to surprise Misaki, despite the familiarity of this feeling of their arm being yanked from its socket. They didn’t know how Hagumi made it look so easy, skipping next to them and carrying conversation without so much as strained breathing. She was just as excited as Kokoro. She was infectious like that.
Running was harder than they anticipated. They played tennis for goodness sake, keeping up with Kokoro should’ve been nothing. They were used to restrictive outfits, too. Wearing their
fursuit
costume was hot and sweaty. But the pressure of their binder was worse. It was suffocating, as though the sidewalk was some summer trail winding through a high up mountain and the humidity thickened air was keeping them from taking a proper breath.
Up ahead was a lanky figure with long long purple hair and a blushing girl trailing her… yep, that was Kaoru waiting for the stoplight. Would she save them? Probably not.
“Kaoru-kun!” called Hagumi.
“My my, my kittens are in a rush this afternoon. It seems the fervor of music carries you on swift feet. I must strive to match your eager tempo.” said Kaoru
She really talked like that. Sometimes Misaki forgot. Or really they couldn’t help but doubt their own memory. Surely no real person could be that ridiculous. But no, Kaoru here was a living counterexample. Even if Kaoru couldn’t slow their pace, the stoplight was still a welcome chance to breathe, thank god. The burning embers in their lungs abated slightly as they gasped, bent over with hands on their knees.
“It’s Kaoru!” said Kokoro, sunshine in her eyes. “She’s being slow, let’s start practice now!” Kokoro said, raising Misaki’s hand to make clear who the slowpoke was.
“Kokoro, always innovating new ways to share our melody with the world. It would bring me joy to join.” said Kaoru.
Did they really have to sing in the middle of the street? The three Hello Happy World members with less shame burst into the opening notes of their newest song, and Misaki groaned to themself, wishing they weren’t securely tethered to Kokoro so they could find somewhere to hide. But there was no force they could muster greater than Kokoro’s determination. Why had they agreed to do a song about a sandwich in the first place? Why was it fluffy and dreamy? What did that even mean?
At the change of the light, their chaotic party journeyed on. Kaoru couldn’t quite keep pace with the captain of the softball team, but she held her own. Curse her long sexy legs, hanging Misaki out to dry. They weaved through sign fixtures and passersby while they supplied serenade to the occupants of the street. Misaki was sure everyone was judging them.
Several minutes after the nausea worming through their stomach convinced them they wouldn’t make it, CiRCLE came into view. Air conditioning. A break. Salvation. They could make out Kanon in the lobby startle at their approach, presumably with a “Fuee”, before they burst into the studio in trademark Hello Happy World fashion. Misaki broke off from their bandmates and made a break for the bathroom.
“Give me…. A minute… I’ll… I’ll be right back.” they gasped. They couldn’t get air down.
The metal door to the bathroom, forced open by their shoulder, crashed against the wall. They leaned over the sink and braced their weight on their arms on either side of the sink. They couldn't barf, not here, not right before practice, they had to think about anything other than nausea, the sweat beading on their nape, the-
“Misaki… how are you?” Kanon’s voice interrupted their panic. They hadn’t heard her come in. Kanon put a hand on their shoulder and leaned down, searching for eye contact.
“I’m fine.” they said as they took deep breaths of the stale bathroom air. As deep as they could, anyways. “Fine.” Okay, focus on breathing. Calm and regular. Three seconds in, hold, three seconds out. Repeat. Kanon was rubbing circles into the small of their back, whispering soothingly I’ve got you and you’re safe here . Another set of breaths. In, hold, out, wait. And another. They focused on the sensation of the clammy ceramic on their arms, the low hum of the fluorescent lights, whatever would keep them grounded in the moment. After several slow, painful minutes their heart calmed and their trembling legs steadied and their lunch stopped trying to claw its way out of their stomach. They wrinkled their nose as the sensation of cold sweat, no longer overpowered by nausea, made its way to the forefront of their consciousness. The others would be wondering what took them so long.
“Are you feeling any better?” Kanon asked, expression pinched in concern. Misaki nodded and pulled Kanon in for a hug. Face buried in her shoulder, they whispered “Thank you.” Somehow being close to Kanon’s tranquility always cleared their mind. They stayed linked for a moment more before Misaki pulled back.
“Come on, let’s get to practice. I’m sure the others are waiting on us.” said Misaki.
The pair made their way to Hello Happy World’s practice room. Their instruments had already been set up, although it seemed like Kaoru and Hagumi were still getting in tune. Kokoro immediately brightened upon seeing them.
“Misaki! Kanon! We waited for you! Let’s practice!” said Kokoro.
“Actually. I wanted to talk with everyone about something first. It’s… kinda important.” said Misaki
“What is it?” asked Hagumi.
“We want to listen. We’re here for you, Misaki.” said Kanon. She took Misaki’s hand, tracing a steady pattern with her thumb in tacit support.
“As the bard said, to thine own self be true. Let fly your arrow of truth, dear Misaki, and mayhaps you shall strike outrageous fortune.” said Kaoru.
Hello Happy World could be overwhelming, but Misaki had learned to appreciate their weird way of showing love. Their hand trembled in Kanon’s. Adrenaline? Anxiety? A mix of both? They’d trusted their band this far, though. HHW had seen more than Misaki ever intended to share and loved them despite it. If anyone would understand, it was HHW.
“I’ve been thinking… I don’t know how to say it... That... maybe I’m not a girl? Like, I’m more than a girl, or less, or not quite one? But not a boy either.”
“Like how Michelle is a girl but also a bear!” Kokoro chimed.
“No. Well. Maybe? Yes?? No,” said Misaki, “Not really… It’s more like… I’m not sure what it means to be a girl, but it doesn’t feel right to call myself one.”
They weren’t making any sense. God, Misaki wanted to retreat back to the bathroom. Their whole body was a cord of tension stretched from their chest to the tips of their toes, one stray move from snapping.
“I may not understand completely, but I love you no matter what you are,” said Kanon.
“Yeah! We all do!” said Hagumi as she pulled everyone in for the now-traditional group hug. It was a very Hello Happy hug, with warm energy and jostling shoulders. Misaki was still trembling, but that went better than expected. Their friends hadn’t rejected them. They’d finished the hard part. One more plunge and they were done. After a few more steadying breaths, Misaki looked back up. Four expectant faces waited for their next words.
“Um. One more thing. Instead of ‘she’, could you call me ‘they’? Like... ‘Misaki didn’t sleep well last night so they’re tired?’” Oh no, now they were getting confused looks.
“They’re tired? Like you and… Michelle are tired? Both of you?” Kanon asked. Misaki slumped a little. How to explain?
Kaoru appeared contemplative. “Antipholus of Syracuse did speak of every man greeting him as their friend when adventuring through the unfamiliar Ephesus. Would your preferred manner of address be akin to this ‘their’?” she asked. How was it that the incomprehensible girl was the only one who understood them? They were going to have a headache. Another one.
“Yeah, like that I guess.” said Misaki
“Okay they-Misaki! Oh!! We have to tell Michelle!” Kokoro broke away from the circle, racing off to find their sixth member.
“No!” Misaki shouted. Kokoro turned back before she reached the door and cocked her head in an unspoken question. “I-I’m sorry. Please, let me tell people. I’ll tell them when I’m ready.” said Misaki.
“Of course. Choosing what part of one's identity to share is the most personal of decisions. We wouldn’t want to make it for you.” said Kaoru.
“Thank you, everyone. really. I wasn’t sure you’d still want to be friends once you knew.”
“Why wouldn’t we? You’re still you, the Misaki we love! That’s what matters to me! And about what you said- ah, nevermind!” Hagumi shook her head. Something to ask her about later?
There was a moment of silence, a rare occurrence for one of their practices. Or any time HHW was together, really. It felt nice to breathe, to take a moment to appreciate the warm glow in their chest. They were smiling.
“Practice?” Misaki asked.
There was a cheer, and the group hug broke to warm up. Misaki had been prepared for the worst. Expected it even. But they never should’ve doubted their friends’ love. As they had countless times before, Misaki thanked their past self for letting Kokoro Tsurumaki drag them into the weird and loving family that was Hello Happy World.