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Twitter was never a good thing for anybody.
You could scroll endlessly and find nothing but hatred. No matter if it was for communities, politics, music, even just people. Especially if you were someone well known online, there were full accounts dedicated to how much they hate you. It should be easy enough to ignore it, just go about your day because people hate for no real reason, but it’s never that simple.
Not for Karl, anyway.
Sometimes he could ignore it and convince himself it was all dumb. Other times, there would be a sudden increase in the comments, and he couldn’t find it in himself to scroll past.
Every time there was a main channel upload for Mr. Beast it usually happened; A sudden influx of comments varying from, “That Karl kid ruined Mr. Beast” to even things he couldn’t control, “Karl sounds disgusting” or “his laugh hurts my ears”.
To Karl, he knew his laugh was ugly, he knew he talked too fast when he got excited and got too loud when he was happy. He knew his looks weren’t great and he wasn’t the most entertaining… but hundreds of people online constantly pointing it out hurt.
Of course, he had his boyfriends though. Sapnap always told him how he loved his laugh, Dream would reassure him he only talked the way he did because of his ADD and that was perfectly okay, George would always laugh at his jokes— even the dumb ones —on streams to remind him that he is funny and entertaining.
They love him, he knows that they do. But could anyone blame him for doubting himself sometimes?
The constant negativity had been getting to him a little more than usual recently. Karl found himself thinking about his insecurities too often. When he laughed he’d cover his mouth, both trying to stay quiet and cover his teeth that people were commenting on. Sometimes he would decline stream invites so he didn’t have to worry about the way he sounded, he did his last alt stream without facecam so he didn’t need to worry about his appearance. The little things were slowly piling up and digging a hole, each time he avoided something, “just this once” it shoved him further in a dark spot he desperately needed out of.
He vowed to keep it on the down-low, only little things that his boyfriends wouldn’t notice as long as he was in the house with them. Any time he would need to fly back to North Carolina for a week or two to record he could indulge just a little further, but outside of that, he couldn’t. They didn’t need to see him weak and caving under the pressure.
Much to his dismay, they did slowly start to notice though.
The boys were crowded in the kitchen between lunch, Karl had stepped in to grab a monster but ended up standing at the counter to talk with his boyfriends in a heated debate on Pokémon versus Yugioh.
“I’m just saying, I love both. But Yugioh is a lot more complex and epic compared to Pokémon.”
“Okay, but have you seen pokémon? They’re so fucking cute, that overrules everything. Yugioh isn’t cute!” George waved his hands around dramatically as he spoke as if it would make his point automatically correct.
“What about Magic?”
“Shut up Sapnap,” George and Karl jinxed.
They continued their debate as Dream walked in with Patches close behind, she took refuge rubbing against Sapnap’s calf for attention. Dream however had gone for a fresh water bottle in the fridge. He ended up standing next to Karl at the counter, wrapping a tanned arm around his waist and settling his hand there.
Karl froze up, unprepared for the sudden insecurity that would spark out of nowhere.
He’d just come back from a quick trip for filming for a week, this being only his second day in Florida since his plane landed. While he was there he neglected normal and healthy habits, which they all expected, but his boyfriends thought his sleep would be messed up and he'd eat a lot of junk.
Instead, Karl neglected to eat. He passed it off as his ADD and focusing on work causing him to just forget… but he never really tried to remember. Whenever it got to the point he got a headache and felt nauseous is when he would finally give in and get something from McDonald’s and maybe a Monster on his way home from set.
It caused him to lose just a little bit of weight. Nothing drastic or extremely bad for him, but with his already frail and lanky body it was noticeable. At first, he panicked about his boyfriends noticing, but he figured he’d quickly gain it back when he returned to Florida and all would be good. He wore a thick sweater the first night in preparation for the swarm of affection in his return, but that night he slept alone, under the incentive he wanted to alt stream and would be in bed later.
Dream wasn’t supposed to be touching him now, Karl wasn’t prepared for that. It wasn’t that he didn’t want it, but he knew the blonde could notice the difference with the way he saw his face scrunched up in confusion out of his peripherals.
“Karl took too long to answer, I won. Pokémon is superior!” George cheered, which snapped both Dream and Karl out of whatever thoughts they were caught amongst.
“Yeah yeah whatever, you win. I’m gonna go uh— I gotta go work on something. See you guys!” Karl ripped himself from Dream’s hold and quickly exited the room, the three looked at each other confused.
“Has he been a little off since he got back?” Sapnap murmured.
“Yeah,” Dream and George both answered, but Dream continued, “He lost weight, I think. You can feel his ribs more than before.”
“He wasn’t like that before he left, was he?” George shook his head to Sapnap’s question.
“Do you think we should talk to him?”
“Yeah, probably.”
Karl flopped back onto his bed dramatically and threw a pillow over his face. It hurt him to pull away from his boyfriends, especially when Dream was so warm and comforting, but he needed to work out his issues before it became too much. The bedroom door opening startled him, but even worse all three of his boyfriends were there. Normally, if they wanted something one of them would show up to inquire, not all three.
Sapnap and George stood in the middle of the room by the end of the bed, Dream gingerly took a seat on the bed by Karl while still giving him space.
“Can we talk, Karl?” George spoke calmly, he was always the most put together with his emotions.
“Uh, yeah! What— what’s up?” Karl sat up with the pillow clutched to his chest. As much as he appreciated the space he was being given, he was itching to scoot closer and have Dream’s arm around him.
“We need you to be honest, okay?” Sapnap started, Karl nodded. “You’ve been acting a little different since you left to go see Jimmy. We just want to make sure you’re okay, did something happen?” Karl’s gaze drew shamefully to his lap.
Oh, so he had been caught.
He attempted to think of a way out of this, to avoid this dumb conversation and hideaway for the rest of his life. Confrontation had never been his strong suit. But the more he thought about how to avoid it the more he dwelled back on the insecurities that got him here in the first place. Karl slowly started to shrink in on himself, shameful tears welled up as his hands started to shake.
“I, um—” his voice cracked pitifully, Dream’s frown deepened. “I’m sorry, I should’ve talked to you.”
“Hey don’t cry,” George rushed to correct, he kneeled down on the floor in front of Karl. “You’re talking to us now, aren’t you? It’s okay.”
They gave Karl a minute to calm down, George gave him gentle reminders to breathe. Although he was still overwhelmed and it was bound to get worse, he felt a little better, knowing he had his boyfriends there to coax him through anything.
“There’s just been a lot more… hate recently. After that day ‘Karl neg’ trended it kinda started getting to me more, I’m sorry.” Karl shuddered, trying to keep himself calm and composed despite the tears. “I’ve hated everything about myself recently to the point I convinced myself you guys thought the same way.”
“Oh, Karl,” Sapnap sighed, “We aren’t mad at you for not talking to us, and we definitely don’t think that way about you.”
“Yeah,” George confirmed. Karl could only offer a weak smile in return, the affirmation he was still loved and wanted was making him cry more. Dream scooter a little closer to the fluffy-haired boy, still leaving space if he needed it but also an unspoken offer for affection. Karl leaned into it, Dream’s arm gingerly returned to its place around his waist.
“Can you be honest with me?” Dream asked, Karl immediately nodded. “Were you eating healthy when you were gone?” They were sure they already knew the answer, but Dream wanted confirmation before they jumped to solutions. After a little pause, Karl shamefully shook his head, locking his gaze with his freshly painted nails, (a combo of black and purple, he’d asked Sapnap to help him the night before to paint them “like the asexual flag”).
“Thank you for telling us. We’re gonna work on that, but we can talk more about it later.” George slipped a gentle hand into Karl’s, pulling his attention from the glossy coat on his nails to meet the brunette’s eyes.
“Yeah, why don’t we help you relax tonight? Is that what you want, bug?” Sapnap offered.
“Please?” The three smiled at one another, looking extremely accomplished in being good support.
“Alright, let’s get you all cozy.”
Dream left first under the terms of going to make lunch for Karl, (they had already eaten except for him since he’d been holed away in his room), George went next to get the living room ready for them. Sapnap, of course, had stayed to help Karl, doing small things to try and get him to slip. He dressed in his pajamas but also had demanded Sapnap give him his hoodie, the younger boy was quick to comply.
“You know, I got you a gift for when you got back, now is a great time.” Sapnap turned to the closet across the room, he had to dig through a pile of clothes that were a mix of his and Karl’s— After all, the room was technically his, but whenever Karl was there it became his designated space. The ravenette cheered when he found what he was looking for and turned back to the taller boy sitting curiously on the bed. “Look, it’s BMO!”
Karl gasped, his eyes widened comically. He made grabby hands for the small plush, giving it a test squeeze once he had it.
“F’r me?” He mumbled, Sapnap laughed and nodded.
“Just for you, angel.” Karl latched onto Sapnap the moment he was within reach, the younger spun them in a little circle as they laughed happily. “George and Dream are probably waiting for us, c’mon.”
Sapnap tried to put Karl down but he refused, the little held on tight and mumbled something about being carried. So that’s what the shorter boy did, he carried Karl with ease— holding his new BMO plush while he relaxed into his headspace.
George had a mountain of blankets and pillows neatly arranged on the couch and the floor in front of it, somewhere near being a pillow fort without having any kind of walls or roof. It looked incredibly soft though, Karl definitely wanted to be snuggled up in it. Adventure Time was already pulled up on the TV and paused waiting for them.
“Well? Get over here!” George giggled. Sapnap deposited Karl on the couch and let him get comfortable however he wanted, which wasn’t extremely necessary since he demanded to sit in Sapnap’s lap anyways.
Dream emerged from the kitchen not far in the episode with a small plate and a cup of apple juice, (Karl had mentioned once it was his favorite when he was little, Dream bought some the next time he went out).
“Did you get dino nuggets?” Sapnap snickered. Dream smacked him playfully.
“Duh, who doesn’t like dino nuggets?” Karl sure loved them, he ate all of them with a bright smile as he indulged in his cartoon. But Sapnap had to help hold the cup while he drank his juice, they’d figure that out for him later.
Karl could never be more grateful for his boyfriends. They successfully helped him destress for the night. The next morning, when he woke up snuggled with George, the brunette happily kissed all over his face and murmured gentle praises. The small gesture was his start to building back up his confidence.