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“Saihara-chaaaan,” Kokichi whined. “I want Panta!”
Shuichi sighed, blowing on the hot soup before feeding it to Kokichi. “You have a cold, you shouldn’t drink anything with caffeine in it,” he warned.
Kokichi pouted and tried to boo him when he was hit with a coughing fit. He doubled over as if he’d been punched in the stomach by Maki again, and hacked his lungs out. Shuichi slowly patted his back, a glass of water ready in hand.
When the coughs died down, Kokichi drank the water and gingerly reached for the cough drops. He popped one in his mouth and leaned against Shuichi. “Urgh,” he complained.
“I know,” Shuichi agreed.
“Being sick sucks.”
“I'm going to take care of you, okay?"
“Shumai, I want candy.”
“Not a good idea.”
Kokichi whined and buried his face in Shuichi’s shoulder, probably getting snot all over his jacket. “I can’t have Panta, I can't have chocolate— what can I have?!”
You can have me—
Shuichi dispelled the thought and scolded himself for it. Kokichi was sick, now is not the time for his brain to make stupid crush jokes.
“Well, I guess I have Shumai taking care of me. That’s almost enough to make up for it,” Kokichi conceded, nuzzling against Shuichi.
Shuichi felt the heat crawl up his face. He’s still not used to this version of Kokichi.
When he came to check up on Kokichi after class, Shuichi didn’t really expect to deal with this. A sick, hopped up on medicine Kokichi was a clingy and affectionate Kokichi. But without the “it’s a lie!” catchphrase at the end.
It was honestly kind of endearing.
“A-Ah. Ouma-kun, you didn’t finish eating,” Shuichi quickly changed the topic.
“Noooo, I don’t wanna! It tastes like nothing,” Kokichi cried, detaching himself from Shuichi and rolling over to the other side of the bed. He pulled the blanket over his head for extra protection.
“That’s because your nose is blocked,” Shuichi snorted, pulling the blankets back.
Kokichi groaned and sat back up. “Fine, I’ll drink your gross flavoured water. But you have to feed me the whole thing! However long it takes!” Kokichi demanded.
Shuichi rolled his eyes and grabbed the bowl. “Like that’s not what I’ve been doing all day anyway.”
Kokichi giggled and opened his mouth, ready to be fed. Shuichi might’ve shoved the first spoonful a bit too forcefully in his mouth, but he felt a little less sympathy this time when Kokichi coughed.
Kokichi cleared his bowl without too much fuss. Shuichi noticed how sluggish his movements were, so he made Kokichi drink his cough syrup and antibiotics before letting him lay down to rest.
“You’d make a wonderful housespouse, Sai’ara-chan,” Kokichi slurred out, snuggling into the blankets. “Let’s get married so we can do this forever. I call dibs on the veil!”
“Yeah, sure,” Shuichi snorted, trying to will his blush down. “And then you’d have to take care of me when I’m sick too,” he played along.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Kokichi countered. “Anyone would be lucky to be with you, Shumai. I’m sure your crush would too.”
Shuichi felt his heart stop beating for a second.
Shuichi’s crush on Kokichi was a well kept secret. Or at least he thought it was. Kaede was the only person he told, and even that was after she kept nagging him to tell her for months. So for Kokichi to know about it… Was he that obvious? Did Kokichi know about his crush on him all this time but kept quiet? Has he been making a fool of himself? Did Kokichi hate him for having a crush on him?
Shuichi’s thoughts spiralled, anxiety feeding his brain irrational fears.
“How do you know about my c-crush?” he blurted out, breaking out into a nervous sweat.
Kokichi wheezed out a laugh, almost going into another coughing fit. “You’re not as subtle as you think you are, Saihara-chan. People would have to be either blind, or Momota-chan to not notice your big puppy crush on you-know-who.”
Shuichi squeezed his eyes shut, trying to swallow down the embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I’ll stop if I’m making you uncomfortable,” he apologized, blinking back tears.
Kokichi laughed, but it seemed… mirthless and bitter. “Why should my feelings matter in this case? Do whatever you want, I don’t care,” Kokichi grumbled, turning away from him.
Shuichi ignored the pang of hurt that travelled through his body at Kokichi’s reply. “W-Why would you say that? Of course your feelings in this matter!”
“It doesn’t,” Kokichi objected. “If you want to date someone else that’s fine by me. Soulmates are stupid anyways.”
Shuichi frowned, not understanding the new direction this conversation went to. Why would Kokichi mention soulmates all of a sudden? Were the meds making Kokichi say nonsensical things, or was Shuichi missing an important clue?
“Ouma-kun, why are you bringing up soulmates now?” Shuichi asked, feeling more and more frustrated and lost.
Kokichi gave him a disbelieving look. “Because we’re— soulmates, duh,” Kokichi elaborated, his sentence punctuated by a yawn.
Shuichi’s brain grinded to a halt.
...What?
Shuichi’s first emotion was disbelief, then elation, then back to disbelief. There’s no way his crush was also his soulmate, right? That’d be some crazy dumb luck. Hope’s Peak would have to give him the Ultimate Lucky Student title as well.
But then again… has he ever seen Kokichi’s soulmark? Has anyone? Kokichi always hides it under his wristbands, never taking them off. Kiibo is his roommate, and Shuichi doubts even Kiibo has seen it.
And in all the time that Shuichi’s known him, Kokichi never hid his disdain for the concept of soulmates. That, along with how secretive he is about his soulmark, Shuichi deduced that Kokichi had already met his soulmate but they didn’t get along. And the reason why Kokichi is so adamant about hiding his soulmark is because it’s someone in the Academy.
That’s the conclusion where all his evidence pointed to anyway… But looks like some of his deductions might be wrong.
“Ouma-kun, may I see your soulmark?” Shuichi carefully asked, heart pounding.
Kokichi groaned and turned over, extending his right hand towards Shuichi. “‘See it yourself, ‘m sleepy...” Kokichi yawned again, eyelids fluttering shut.
Shuichi reached out with shaky hands, anxiety building in his stomach. He slowly pulled back the coloured wristbands, one by one. Even before he took off all of them, he recognized the soulmark, but he continued on.
Shuichi stared and stared at Kokichi’s now exposed wrist. He inspected the soulmark that was almost identical to his own— one half of a book and a theatre mask— only in blue instead of purple. Shuichi folded up his left sleeve until his mark was visible as well and held it next to Kokichi’s.
It was a perfect fit. Both of their marks started shifting and getting closer together, until it formed the full picture. When Shuichi held both of their wrists together the marks started glowing and Shuichi felt a zap of electricity run through his body. Surprisingly, it didn’t hurt; Shuichi only felt tingling sensation, starting from his wrists and travelling to the rest of his body, warming him up on its way.
That was proof, wasn’t it? Kokichi really was his soulmate.
Shuichi felt oddly… empty at the revelation. There were so many emotions coursing through him, he didn’t know which one to focus on, to feel. Should he be happy that his crush turned out to be his soulmate? This was the ideal situation! But Kokichi also hid the fact that they were soulmates for… who knows how long. Maybe even since first year. Should he feel angry about being kept in the dark like this? Why would Kokichi even hide this from him in the first place? If he didn’t have some sort of spat with his soulmate, why does he hate the idea of soulmates so much?
More and more questions swirled in his head and the only one who held all the answers was fast asleep, sleeping in a pile of wrappers and snot-filled tissues.
Shuichi distantly noticed how dirty the whole place was. He started picking up all the trash in the room, moving on autopilot. Head empty and full at the same time. When he was done with that, he sat down on the floor, right next to the bed, and stared at his newfound soulmate.
Kokichi looked peaceful. Shuichi trailed his eyes over Kokichi’s face, taking in every detail his eyes could capture. His lashes resting against his cheek, his cute little button nose all red from stuffy from the cold, his pale pink lips that were slightly parted as he breathed through his mouth; lips that looked so soft and sweet, lips that Shuichi wanted to kiss over a hundred times by now—
Shuichi shook his head, as if physically shaking the thought out. He mentally kicked himself for letting his imaginations go too far. He didn’t even know if Kokichi liked him.
If you asked him when he started falling for their resident troublemaker, Shuichi wouldn’t be able to tell you. All he remembers is being intrigued and captivated by the liar since the very beginning. He demanded the attention of everyone whenever he stepped into a room, and Shuichi was glad to give him his. Kokichi never once lost his interest with all of the grandiose stories he spun and the pranks he pulled. He fell deeper and deeper for the trickster with every truth he uncovered, every moment Kokichi took off his mask and revealed his true self. Those were the moments Shuichi cherished the most.
Shuichi couldn’t recall how long he sat there, reminiscing his memories of Kokichi. But he was finally brought out of his dazed state by Kokichi loudly sneezing as he woke up. Shuichi stood up, noticing how stiff and sore his body had become after all those hours of sitting, and handed Kokichi the tissue box.
Kokichi nodded in gratitude before blowing into the tissue, clearing out his nasal passages. “Urgh,” he complained again.
But this time, instead of agreeing, Shuichi opened with, “We’re soulmates.” His question came out more like a statement, but the effect was still the same.
Kokichi froze, the colour draining out of his face. Shuichi noticed the fear in his eyes when they made eye-contact, before Kokichi quickly looked away, covering up his soulmark.
It was silent for several moments, the only noise in the room was of Kokichi’s heavy breathing, before Shuichi spoke up again, “I’m not mad, I’m not upset. I just want to know why.”
Kokichi looked at Shuichi, then at the floor, then back at Shuichi, before fixating his eyes on the floor again. He wet his lips— a gesture that Shuichi shouldn’t have been so entranced by— before speaking, “I hate soulmates.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s something permanent.”
And immediately Shuichi understood where this was going.
Kokichi continued, “I’m... magically paired up with some stranger who will apparently love me unconditionally, from the moment that I’m born? Things like fate or destiny, they’re so… permanent and there's no way to change or reject them.” Kokichi snarled, eyebrows furrowing.
“If I’m going to fall for someone, I want it to be on my terms, not because some stupid God controlling my lovelife said so,” Kokichi declared, before slumping against the bedpost, suddenly looking very tired. “There’s your answer. Happy now?”
Shuichi didn’t reply to his question. He sat down next to Kokichi and laid his arm down palm up between the two of them. “Can we hold hands?” he asked instead.
Kokichi looked at him like he was some sort of lunatic, but Shuichi didn’t look away and maintained eye-contact until Kokichi finally, slowly, hesitantly took his hand. Shuichi intertwined their fingers and squeezed.
He was almost afraid that he was going too far, that he was pushing Kokichi’s comfort zone with this. But the light dusting of pink on Kokichi’s cheek told him otherwise.
“Do you hate me?” Shuichi finally broke the silence.
“What— No, of course not!” Kokichi frowned. “Saihara-chan, that was such a bad question that I don’t even feel like lying about it.”
“Right, sorry. Let me rephrase it: do you hate being soulmates with me?”
Kokichi snorted and closed his eyes. “What do you think, Shumai? What does your detective intuition tell you?”
Shuichi didn’t even need to think about the answer, “No, you don’t.”
“Let me ask you something,” Kokichi started. “What’s your purpose of asking me these questions?”
“I— I’m not entirely sure, to be honest,” Shuichi admitted.
Kokichi burst out laughing and Shuichi looked away in embarrassment. He was comforted a bit when Kokichi squeezed back.
“Alright then, I have some questions of my own,” Kokichi started, inspecting his fingernails with a bored expression on his face. “How do you feel knowing that I’m your soulmate?”
Shuichi took a moment to ponder this question before answering, “Elated. Sad. Confused. A little angry.”
“I can understand angry, confused and sad. But why happy though?”
Shuichi felt his cheeks heat up. “Do you remember what you said to me right before falling asleep?”
“Saihara-chan, I said a lot of things. You’re gonna have to be more specific.”
“Err, right. You mentioned me having a, uh, puppy crush on someone.”
Kokichi dragged his hands down his face. “Of course I did,” he grumbled.
Shuichi squeezed his hand in empathy.
Kokichi took a deep breath before starting, “Look, if you want to date someone, then you can go ahead and do it. You don’t have to worry about hurting my feelings or whatever. Just because we’re soulmates doesn’t mean we have to like, be together or anything.”
Shuichi’s smile dropped, and he felt his chest ache in his chest. This… this was a rejection, right? This was as good as a rejection anyway. Was this Kokichi’s round-about way of rejecting him?
Shuichi jerked his hand away as his eyes started stinging. Being rejected even before he could confess really… hurt.
“Saihara-chan?” Kokichi called out, confused. He mentally checked over their conversation, trying to decipher he could’ve said that what could’ve upset Shuichi like this. There were simultaneously too many things and nothing that he said that was wrong. When the silenced lingered too heavily in the room, Ouma spoke up, “You know, it’d be easier if you just told me what I said wrong.”
Shuichi tried to speak past the lump in his throat, “Y-you didn’t say anything w-wrong.” He kept his head down, not wanting to look at Kokichi yet.
“Bullshit,” Kokichi spat out. “I must’ve said something wrong to make you go back into emo mode.”
“A-ah, it’s not important, forget about it,” Shuichi mumbled, picking at a loose thread in his sleeve.
“It's important if it’s making you upset,” Kokichi argued.
“I was just happy that we were soulmates. But I understand if you hate that and would like to keep on ignoring our soulbond,” Shuichi blurted out and shrunk into himself. He just wanted to move on from this topic, Kokichi would be able to drag the truth out of him soon anyways.
“That’s not what I meant,” Kokichi hissed, frustratedly tugging at a strand of his hair. “I don’t… mind being your soulmate. The Opposite, in fact. So… please...” Kokichi softly whispered, reaching for Shuichi’s hand again. Shuichi didn’t protest and squeezed back when Kokichi held his hand.
“Wh-what do you mean by the opposite?” Shuichi was confused for the nth time that day. “Why are you okay with being soulmates with me if you hate the idea so much?”
“Because—” Kokichi froze, and Shuichi watched as his face shifted from one expression to another; blank, confused, realization, angry, lost, frustrated. The silence broke when Kokichi flung a hand across his face, avoiding eye-contact, before mumbling something.
Shuichi leaned forward and asked, "Sorry, could you repeat that? I didn't catch it."
Kokichi dragged a hand down his face and groaned, "Do I have to?"
"Please," Shuichi pleaded, squeezing Kokichi's hand again.
Kokichi groaned again, and this time Shuichi noticed the flush on his face. "Give me a minute, I need to—," Kokichi trailed off, nervousness evident in his expression, holding Shuichi's hand in a death grip.
Shuichi nodded and let him have as much time as it takes. Kokichi spent the next few minutes staring off into space, before taking a deep breath and saying, "I like you. Like, in a romantic sense. I hate soulbonds and soulmarks and everything they represent, but I still ended up falling for you anyway. Isn't that ironic?" Kokichi barked out a bitter laugh, looking at anywhere but Shuichi.
Shuichi's brain short circuited, unable to process the information it was receiving. He was half-convinced that he was dreaming. What else was he supposed to think about his crush confessing to him? A dark, self-loathing part of his mind whispered that Kokichi was going to reveal that 'it's a lie!' very soon, but he stomped that thought down as soon as it appeared. Kokichi wouldn't joke about something like this, not after opening up to him like that just earlier.
So that must mean it's… true? And Kokichi really does like him.
"Saihara-chan, it's fine. I know your answer already," Ouma spoke up, breaking him out of his thoughts. "I'll say it again, just because we're soulmates doesn't mean you have any obligation to stay with me. If you like someone else then you're free to date them if you want. You don't need to worry about my feelings or some stupid thing like that." Ouma paused, before continuing in a lighter, joking tone, "Geez Saihara-chan, you really should practice being a better listener."
"I like you too!" Shuichi blurted out, feeling an overwhelming amount of joy and excitement rushing over him. "I like you too. I have for a very long time now. And I was so happy when I saw that your soulmark matched mine. I don't care too much about soulmates myself, but I'm glad that you are mine," he gushed, stuttering and stumbling over his words in the process. "So I'm uh, glad you also like me back," he finished, swallowing down all of his inhibition and nervousness.
Kokichi stared at him in shock for several minutes, before giving him a blank look and asking, "You're joking, right?"
Shuichi couldn't say that he didn't… expect this type of a reaction. He turned to fully face Kokichi, taking his hand and holding it to his chest, right over his rapidly beating heart. Shuichi gave him the most earnest look he could, before replying, "What do you think, Ouma-kun? Do you think I'm lying?*
Kokichi stared into his eyes for several moments, searching. He clutched Shuichi's hand tightly as he looked down, a light dusting of pink appearing on his cheek. "... No," he replied, when it seemed like he got the answer he was searching for.
Shuichi let out a sigh of relief, glad that his confession was able to convince Kokichi. He slumped forward and rested his forehead against Kokichi's.
"Okay. Okay, that's good," he listlessly murmured, rubbing his thumb over the back of Kokichi's hand.
They stayed like that for a while, bathing in the other's presence.
"Ouma-kun?"
"Hm?"
"You don't have to reply now or anything, and I realize that it might be too soon to be asking this anyway but… some time in the future, maybe in a few days when you're not sick anymore, will you go on a date with me?"
"Saihara-chan, I've been daydreaming about this scenario for the last two years. Of course I will."
"O-oh." His heart did a little funny thing in his chest when he realized how long Kokichi's liked him.
"Saihara-chan."
"Yes?"
"Thank you for staying with me... Also, it's cold. I want blankets."
Shuichi huffed out a laugh and untangled himself from Kokichi. He came back with more blankets and watched Kokichi snuggle under them, trying to get comfortable.
Kokichi gave him a questioning look when he was finally settled in. "What? You're not going to cuddle me? You're a terrible future boyfriend, Saihara-chan," Kokichi said, pulling the blanket over his head to hide his red face.
Shuichi sputtered and felt his heart beat faster at the thought of cuddling together. But he pushed through his nervousness and joined Kokichi in the bed.
Kokichi didn't expect him to take it seriously, if his surprised expression and darkening blush was anything to go by.
"My, my. Saihara-chan keeps getting bolder and bolder today. What's gotten into you? Sickness?" Kokichi asked, snickering at his own joke.
Shuichi fondly rolled his eyes and pulled the blankets up above them both. "Ouma-kun?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm… glad you're my soulmate."
Kokichi shifted closer, tucking his head under Shuichi's chin. Shuichi had a feeling the sniffle he heard wasn't from just the cold.
Shuichi wondered if Kokichi fell asleep again when he didn't get any reply. He felt his own eyelids getting heavier after a long and emotional day like this. He wrapped his arms around Kokichi, snuggling closer.
"... I am too," came a quiet whisper.
Shuichi smiled, his heart felt full, any more and it burst from happiness. He softly pressed his lips to Kokichi's warm, sweaty forehead.
"Rest well, Ouma-kun."