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"So you'll be attending the wedding?"
"Yes, Alicent. As I have repeated myself three times prior.” The woman leans forward in her chair and grabs the other’s hand. Rhaenyra smiles politely at Alicent and the woman couldn’t help but sigh in relief. Despite that, Rhaenyra’s hold on her hand leaves a scalding burn that Alicent knows she’ll be thinking about nonstop for the days to come. The action felt so natural. Too natural after everything they’ve been through.
"Okay... That is... It is good to know. And I do apologize for my redundancy. With how much your father has been pestering me to persuade you, I assumed that you didn’t want to attend.” With her free hand, Alicent toys with her and Viserys’ engagement ring—a dreadful reminder of what was to come—unsure if being honest was the right decision.
“I'll be there.”
The two women look at each other for a while. Alicent takes in the blonde woman's appearance and basks in the observing gaze of her once closest confidant. If you had asked one of their friends a few years back, they would attest that the two women were soulmates.
“Please tell father I apologize for not reaching out or getting back to him. He should know how heavy my workload is as of late." The blonde woman says with a wry smile and retrieves her hand from Alicent’s to sit back into her chair opposite of Alicent’s.
Alicent tries to ignore the coldness that immediately hugged her right hand after Rhaenyra let go of it. The ache of yearning for that long-lost connection gnaws at her, casting a shadow over her thoughts once more. It wasn’t just about the other woman’s touch she missed.
Alicent tries her best to put on a smile, “I will make sure to pass this to him.” Before she wants to remember their shared past, she asks for the host’s permission to leave. Being around Rhaenyra again was too much. “Well, I suppose that is my cue to call it a night?" The woman checks her phone for the time. It’s 8:21 in the evening. She still had plans for the wedding preparation the next day. What a nuisance.
Rhaenyra glances outside the window beside them. The outside was almost pitch black if not for the street lamps that were barely powering through the snow. "You should stay, just until the snow clears. The roads are slippery. Wouldn't want to get into an accident."
Alicent peeks out the window of her old home. "I didn’t even notice” She takes a deep breath. Fuck. “As much as I oppose the idea, you’re right." I should’ve come earlier to avoid this.
Alicent notices that Rhaenyra hesitates just barely at her opposition to her invitation. The woman continues.
"You can stay in your old room. I did some cleaning a few days back, so it's clean."
The thought of Rhaenyra cleaning up her old room is exiled as quickly as it conjures itself in Alicent’s mind. She ignores the nagging of that one part of her wanting to revisit old memories of them in the other’s room, Being here was starting to drive Alicent insane.
She nods briefly and stands up to head to the room. About to turn the knob, she turns to Rhaenyra who was right behind her. “Thank you, Nyra.”
The blonde returns it with only a smile before she turns the lights off and retreats to her own room. Both of them knew that it was more than the fact that Rhaenyra let her stay. Alicent enters the room and unconsciously leaves the door unlocked. It was an old habit she had from when she still lived here with Rhaenyra. Aside from the things she took to transfer to the Targaryen manor, nothing has changed. She still felt like 21 year-old Alicent.
The day getting to her, she finally tucks herself in and turns off the light, leaving the room dark.
Alicent falls into a deep slumber immediately.
How could she not when she was home?
––
Alicent stares blankly at the windows completely blocked by white snow. The television in the living room chatters quietly as the woman feels her blood run cold. Maybe she should’ve just risked sliding off the road last night instead of having to endure her indefinite stay.
“There’s coffee. Two teaspoons of honey.” Rhaenyra gently called from behind her as light footsteps approached. When Alicent turned, she spotted two mugs in Rhaenyra’s hand. Alicent grabs the mug the other girl had held out.
“You didn’t have to. I was just about to leave.” Alicent looks down at her hands wrapped around the warm mug, soothing her nerves in the slightest. Her heart, however, was still beating loudly in her chest. Perhaps the blonde could even hear it if she just stepped a little bit closer. She could feel Rhaenyra’s eyes on her.
“Oh come on, Alicent. You know better than that—the door is literally blocked off.”
“We both know I can’t stay, Rhaenyra. Last night was enough.” Alicent’s eyes have halted their timid staring at the cup in her hands, but they never dare make contact with the lilac eyes on her right now.
“And why is that?” A few beats pass.
There was no answer. Alicent’s mouth was agape but she could not formulate a single cohesive thought with all the noise in her head. I cannot ask more of you. The wedding invitation was already enough.
Alicent did not have to answer.
"You know what, I don’t care if you can’t or won’t stay. I'm not letting you go out there. Not even if you could."
The two stay silent for a moment. Alicent trembles in Rhaenyra’s sharp determined gaze. She is much familiar with the look that exists in the blonde woman’s eyes when she is observing every other bit of the other person. This was what made Rhaenyra Targaryen the most renowned lawyer in their state and what solidified her as the Targaryen’s law firm’s sole heir.
“This is bad for both of us. You know staying longer than I should will only do more harm than good.”
“What do you mean ?” Rhaenyra furrows her eyebrows and an accusatory tone accompanies her question. Her tone sends guilt straight to Alicent’s heart. Rhaenyra should know why Alicent’s extended stay is bad for the two of them. They have always known.
“Don’t be like this, Nyra.” Alicent pleaded, taking a step forward closer to Rhaenyra, attempting to hold Rhaenyra’s hand to convey–even in the slightest–her true intentions behind those words. Their situation was already hard enough.
“Don’t come near me.” Alicent flinches at Rhaenyra’s coldness and how harsh she was at pulling her arm back so that Alicent wouldn’t be able to touch her. The blonde quickly steps back from Alicent and retreats back to her office, but not before saying, “You don’t even have the right to call me that anymore.”
Alicent thinks of how Rhaenyra must’ve let the nickname pass last night.
——
Rhaenyra has her eyebrows furrowed, attentively listening to the tuning of her guitar strings as she turns the knobs on the neck. Alicent, who was sitting next to the girl, had her nose buried in a book Laena had recommended She was flipping through the next page when Rhaenyra called her.
“Ali, put the book down, I've got a really good song right now.” Rhaenyra excitedly says as she plays random chords to warm up. Alicent pushes her reading glasses up so they sit on top of her head.
“What do you have there? An original song?”
Every once in a while, Rhaenyra would approach Alicent randomly, as excited as she was now (maybe even more), to share with the auburn-haired girl a new song, chord progression, riff, or to just sing or show her new lyrics that she wrote. The blonde had this thing that she’d post covers of songs she liked if she was able to do so. Alicent would tease her from time to time, resulting in Rhaenyra smiling. And honestly? Anything to make Rhaenyra smile.
“Not this time, actually. It’s just a cover, but I would like for you to be the first one to hear it before I record it in a bit?” The blonde asks as she turns her body to face Alicent. The auburn-haired girl nodded.
“I’d be honored, your Highness.”
Rhaenyra giggled as she started the chord progression of D, Dmaj7, D7, and D again twice in a row.
Anyone would know which song this was the moment you’d hear the chords.
“ Kiss me, out of the bearded barley ,” The girl had her eyes on her fretboard as she continued singing. She was clueless of how fast Alicent’s heart was beating at the moment.
“Nightly, beside the green green grass. Swing swing, swing the spinning step, you wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.”
Singing like she wasn’t the most beautiful girl on earth. How dare she?
“ Kiss me, beneath the milky twilight, ”
As quick as Alicent’s heartbeat, the song was over.
Rhaenyra ended the song with the happiest smile and asked Alicent, “How was it? It was good, no?”
It took Alicent a minute to recover from that. She stares at Rhaenyra’s lilac eyes, and with the most teasing tone she can muster she says, “So, that’s why you chose that song. You did it on purpose because you want to kiss me, huh, Targaryen?”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Hightower?”
Alicent starts blushing furiously. I did set myself up with that one .
“I got you good! You should see how much you’re blushing right now, you look like a tomato!” Rhaenyra taunts Alicent as the latter grabs a pillow to wack Rhaenyra’s head. “Shut the fuck up. Targaryen! Go record your stupid cover!” She says as she grabs another pillow to throw at the other girl.
Rhaenyra cackles as she stands up to leave the room. “Fine, but I’m doing this for me and not because you said so. Make sure to like the post! Thanks!”
Alicent tries to gather her bearings by grabbing her neglected book and ends up just staring through the pages. The poor girl continues on having those damn thoughts about her best friend and housemate before her phone’s notification pings. Rhaenyra had already finished and posted her cover.
Her thumb immediately opened the notification and liked the post before putting it on loop for gods know how long. Rhaenyra’s voice was still ringing in her ears.
I am so fucked.
——
Rhaenyra is still working in her office, Alicent assumes, as the auburn-haired woman walks around what once was her beloved home. She notices that Rhaenyra had not yet decided to throw away the books that once belonged to Alicent that now lived within the shelves of the blonde’s home.
The rug beneath her feet was the one she bought. The coffee table was the one they bidded in an auction a few months after gaining ownership of the house. The cupboards still varnished with the same tint they picked together.
It was wonderful, the life she had with Rhaenyra. She had her downsides, specifically her mood swings, but overall the woman was neat, and tidy. Rhaenyra knew when or when not to be annoying, and she was exceptionally good at cleaning and knowing what kind of food Alicent wanted when she cooked. Without her massive mood swings, Alicent would have called her the perfect housemate.
The two had separate rooms and the house was just a little more than enough for two people. Even with Rhaenyra and Alicent coming from money, they decided that they would choose a house that was cozy, unlike their own family-owned houses. They lived together because it was Alicent and Rhaenyra, Rhaenyra and Alicent. Wherever one goes, the other follows. They were a package deal. They were Rhaenyra and Alicent.
They got the house after highschool. The two both passed the entrance exam for the top university they both applied to. The universe just sort of aligned for them. Well, before, maybe.
——
“Alicent, look what just arrived!”
“Wait a sec, I have soap on my hands!”
Alicent washes off the remaining soap from her hands and places her family ring back on her finger as she finishes the dishes. She heads to where Rhaenyra was and her eyes nearly pop out of their sockets.
“How did you get this!?” Alicent exclaimed.
“I stole it.”
Alicent was not amused. Rhaenyra had a shit-eating grin plastered on her face.
"Father had recently received a newer model, and this old thing was just lying there at home, so I figured, 'Why not ask him? I'm sure Alicent would put this to better use.’"
The brown-eyed woman still couldn’t believe what was sitting in front of their favorite rug right now. She glides her fingers throughout the keys of the antique baby grand piano. Of course, she has eyed this instrument whenever she visited Rhaenyra’s home. Alicent’s father, Otto, had already bought her a piano of her own, but there was always a certain character to it that no other piano model could replicate. Maybe it was also because it was the piano she and Rhaenyra used to play on from time to time when they were younger.
Alicent stands up abruptly and hugs Rhaenyra, arms wrapping tightly around the blonde woman’s neck. They break apart and brown stares into lilac eyes.
“No words could ever describe how grateful I am, Nyra. Thank you. So much.”
Rhaenyra puts her right hand on Alicent’s cheek and softly glides her thumb back and forth on her smooth skin. Alicent leans into the touch.
“You deserve everything good in this world, Alicent.”
——
“Let’s talk.”
Alicent freezes where she was. She was sitting next to the baby grand piano writing on her planner, moving her schedules because of the changes in today’s plans. She sets her pen down gently.
“What is it that you want to talk about?” The auburn-haired woman says, her eyes still trained on her planner. She moves to the side to make room on the two-person couch she was currently sitting on. Alicent was shaking.
Rhaenyra welcomes her invitation and sits beside Alicent.
“Us. I want to talk about us.”
Alicent’s eyes widened. Oh.
––
Alicent thinks if the note she left on Rhaenyra’s nightstand was enough to explain her abrupt departure to head back to Oldtown. It has been years since she wrote and left that letter, but now as she sat beside her dying father, she can’t help but think about the prospect of returning home.
“Daughter,” Otto’s croaky voice grounded Alicent before she could proceed any further with her damn thoughts. The doctor had recently informed them of the man’s health. “Marry Viserys.” What?
“Whatever do you mean, father?” Alicent inquires, never making eye contact with her father. What a conversation starter. He cannot possibly be asking this of her, right? Viserys was her love’s father. Why would I ever do that?
“I know you understand what I just said, Alicent. You’re a smart girl. Do this for me. Do this for your family.” He used the last of his strength to sit up slightly and look his only daughter in the eye.
“Why are you asking this of me? You wouldn’t even know if I did what you asked for or not.”
“Our company’s stock is declining as quickly as my health is. They have been declining long before I became sick. I don’t want our family company to go bankrupt, Alicent. You’re the only one I can trust.” More like the only one you can boss around.
Alicent clenched her jaw.
Will she ever get to do what she wants?
Three weeks later, she already has her bags packed.
––
“I don’t understand, why not just go against his wishes.”
“Because I don’t want to lose our company! It’s been in the family for years, Rhaenyra! Imagine the disappointment my family would feel towards me if they found out that I am the cause of its downfall! And all because I was misbehaving like a totally spoiled brat who can’t own up to her family’s legacy and responsibility.” Alicent exclaimed, unable to stay calm.
“No, I mean I understand that bit. What I don’t understand is why him? Why father?”
“What?”
“Viserys Targaryen isn’t the only Targaryen, Alicent.” Rhaenyra can’t possibly be suggesting this, right? No way in hells.
“... I am not marrying your menace of an uncle, Rhaenyra.”
“Fuck, Alicent, I meant me!”
Alicent could not think. She saw Rhaenyra’s face; her eyes were trembling, as were her breaths. This might have been the first time in years that Alicent had seen Rhaenyra lay her heart bare, and that too, for Alicent herself.
“We’re already… acquainted. Friends, if you still consider us to be such-”
“Rhaenyra, are you out of your mind?!” Alicent has wanted Rhaenyra for years. Marriage out of obligation was out of the question. No fucking way, Alicent couldn’t do that, not to Rhaenyra. She would never. Moreover, her heart may not take it if Rhaenyra learned to resent her in the future because of the life Alicent had trapped her in. This was her burden to bear, her cross to carry. Not Rhaenyra’s, not Viserys’, not anyone else’s. This was Alicent’s tomb.
Rhaenyra ignores all of Alicent’s interruptions and continues with her plan. She was determined to get this through. “We can marry. I would be good to you. You wouldn’t have to endure a loveless marriage with my father.”
“But I’d have to endure one with you ?” Alicent pleads. “I am not doing that, Rhaenyra.” I can’t handle it if we married and it wasn’t out of love, Rhaenyra. Please don’t do this to me.
Rhaenyra is silent for a moment. Her body was completely open to Alicent and she was heaving. Rhaenyra was upset. More upset than Alicent had ever seen her after Aemma’s death.
“Why are you so against it, Ali? Do you really have no love for me anymore? Is a marriage with me really that terrible to imagine?”
“Where’d you get that from?” Please don’t have me say it. Please don’t ask those words of me. Not those words. I can’t lose you, not like this.
“You’re dodging.”
“I’m not answering that.”
“Is being married to me such an unfathomable thought, Alicent? Answer me this. Just this, and I’ll back off. I won’t ever bring the matter up again.”
Alicent mumbles something under her breath.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.”
“I said, I love you. Marrying you isn’t unfathomable. It is something I’ve dreamt of for years.” They have never been more distant. They have never been in a situation where it had gotten so bad to the point of years of no contact. Rhaenyra wanted her to be honest, so this was it. This was her. I’d already lost her the minute I left. What more could I possibly lose?
Rhaenyra stays silent.
Alicent stands up abruptly to walk away, eyes empty as she says stiffly and robotically, “I’m sorry. For dropping the bomb like this. I never intended to. I was never supposed to tell you. I’m so sorry. Rhaenyra, I’m so sorry. ”
Rhaenyra was quick enough to catch the woman’s wrist and turn her around. They look into each other’s eyes, both filled with years of longing. Rhaenyra kisses Alicent with everything she had in her and it was all the latter has ever dreamed for and more. The two women kissed passionately and Rhaenyra never let go of Alicent– not once.
“Don’t you dare walk away from me again. Not after confessing something with that magnitude. What the fuck were you thinking?” Rhaenyra was breathing deeply, lips still red from their shared kiss.
Alicent looks at Rhaenyra with tears in her eyes. I am so sorry.
“We can’t do this.” Alicent takes three steps back from Rhaenyra,
“You literally just told me you loved me, Alicent.” Rhaenyra deadpanned.
Alicent was lost in a trance, mumbling all the reasons she can think of as to why they never should’ve considered this at all.
“Take a chance with me, Alicent. I have loved you for as long as I’ve known you. I’d be good to you,” Rhaenyra pleaded Alicent. She corners her by the piano.
“As have I, Rhaenyra! But we can’t all have what we want. Father wouldn’t approve of us. I am to be married to Viserys, to your father, and that is that. There are no buts, this is what is happening and if you can’t make peace with that-”
“You’re right because I can’t !”
“Let me speak, okay?!”
Rhaenyra immediately goes quiet. Her eyes were a greyer shade of lilac now, eyes glistening from unshed tears. Alicent’s heart shatters.
“Rhaenyra, I have loved you more than I’ll ever get to tell you, which is why we can’t do this. You… you have your whole life ahead of you. You have so much potential. Anyone with eyes can see that there is a bright path ahead waiting for you to tread. I can already see you replacing your father and leading your family’s company to greater success. You’re quickly rising in the ranks of other attorneys that have been training for years , Rhaenyra, and you’re only at the beginning. Good things have been laid out for you, so why should you anchor yourself to a lost cause?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Alicent ignores her.
“I don’t want you to waste your time, Rhaenyra,” Alicent hoped the other girl hadn’t heard the ‘on me’ she had decided against saying. “I have no future. There is nothing for me—I have nothing ahead of me, beyond this. This marriage will be my tomb.” Alicent prepares herself for what she was about to say. This was really it.
“I love you, Rhaenyra. There has never been a time when you weren’t loved by me. And because of that love, I know better than to chain you to me. Don’t waste your life on a lost cause, Rhaenyra. I am begging you.” Alicent’s voice was laden with self-resentment. Tears began to fall from her eyes, and before she could swiftly wipe them away, pretending as if nothing had happened, Rhaenyra had already done it for her.
“Please don’t call yourself a lost cause.”
“Why not? You know I’m right.”
“I’m the last person that would agree with you on that.”
Alicent does not speak. She lets herself bask in Rhaenyra’s warmth and open arms. She was terrified that this might be the last time. Nothing ever goes well for her.
“Let’s talk this out with father, Alicent. You’ve said your piece, it’s my turn, okay?”
Alicent nods and leans more into Rhaenyra’s touch.
“First of all, I know you care about what Otto would think of you. I know you well enough to know that his thoughts still have some value to you. But Alicent, your life is in your hands now. This marriage doesn’t have to be your tomb. You’re not a lost cause, and I’ll spend the rest of our life proving that to you, if you marry me.” Rhaenyra takes a breath and swipes her thumb against Alicent's cheek. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I won’t force you into it. In the least, we can still marry, and I’ll leave you be if that is what you wish. But I am offering you a way out of a forced marriage with my father commanded by your own. It would still be a union between our families.”
Alicent began to sob and Rhaenyra brings her in for an embrace. With one hand at Alicent’s nape and the other stroking her curls gently, she declares, “I love you, Alicent. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I’m here now. Let me take care of you. Let me love you for all the years I couldn’t.”
The Hightower shakes her head.
“I don’t want to tie you down.”
“You wouldn’t.” Rhaenyra reassured her.
“Can you… Can you tell me that you love me one more time, Nyra?”
“I’ll repeat it over and over until you get tired of it.”
“That would never happen.”
Silence.
They stay like that for a while until Rhaenyra feels a breath on her neck and hears the following words.
“We can talk to your father.”
“So, you’ll marry me?”
“That’s not what I said…” Alicent looked up and saw the surprised smile on Rhaenyra’s face.
“But, yes. I’ll marry you, Rhaenyra Targaryen.”