Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was almost routine, at this point. Noelle would trudge in, stomping the snow off her boots, strip off her heavy canvas coat and wool-lined leather gloves, and Akarsha would hand her a mug of tea. Noelle would warm herself by the space heater for a couple minutes, or go reapply antiperspirant, or grab something to eat, and head back out, exchanging a kiss with her wife on the way out.

Akarsha had offered to help shovel, but Noelle had shaken her head. I can do it, she'd said, ear-flaps on that terrible (wonderful) corduroy baseball cap flapping. I can do it, she'd said, in the way that Akarsha meant she would not be dissuaded. Not that Akarsha minded, certainly not. She loved standing by the window and watching her wife work, occasionally typing out an email or working on a client's project, and secretly microwaving Noelle's tea to keep it warm.

It was clearly a point of pride, for Noelle, to be able to do it for her. It was strange, and impressive, how she'd managed to divest those elements of competitiveness that often came with expressions of masculinity, but keep the acts of service. For, as Akarsha clearly remembered, she had had no problems with Min and Diya pitching in when they'd been snowed in with them, or with neighbors occasionally pitching in. One especially heavy year, a person from a few houses down had offered her the use of their snowblower, and Akarsha knew Noelle had been yearning for one ever since.

And it was masculinity. Noelle had said as much, in their late-night talks before drifting off, or in randomly intimate lunch discussions, or while doing chores together. They had grown familiar with gender and all its complexities - Akarsha had had her own journey - and Noelle had had one too, though she hadn't realized it. 

That gender was, in Noelle's own words, Butch, and she reveled in suits and coats and terrible hats as much as carrying heavy objects and holding the door for people, and as much as Akarsha reveled in skirts and dresses and terrible color combinations. 

Earlier in all of this, Akarsha had said, you know, masculinity doesn't have to be all of these things. You can pick and choose what you like.

And Noelle had said, yes. And I'm choosing this.