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“You don’t really talk much, huh?”
Shinichi couldn’t count how many times people had said that to him on both hands, and how many times he asked to see that person’s mark, only to be disappointed when they revealed sweeping cursive on their wrist, their forearm, their neck. Anywhere, they would have words scrawled, and Shinichi would sigh and return to searching for his own soulmate.
Ever since he had been young, he knew that his soulmate would have no mark. Everybody was supposed to have one, the first sentence that your other half would ever say to you, but for Shinichi, who could speak no words, it was an impossibility. Sometimes, he wondered if he was just destined not to have a soulmate, but the violet cursive against his wrist said otherwise, those six words that had been said over and over.
He stared up at the kid who said it this time - he really shouldn’t have been calling him kid, though, all things considered. He was the new transfer student from Ekoda, Kuroba Kaito. He was also interrupting Shinichi’s attempt to read a particularly engaging murder mystery, and didn’t anybody teach him to be quiet in the library?
Are you an idi- He stopped mid-sign, realizing that most, if not all, students at Teitan still didn’t understand sign language despite his best attempt to teach them. Ran, Sonoko, Masumi...he could easily count them off on one hand if he tried. He moved to pick up his phone and give a text response, but Kaito simply raised an eyebrow before raising his own hands.
Were you just about to ask if I was an idiot? Because, frankly, I’m the last person I know to be considered an idiot. Shinichi gaped up at him, before signing another question. Of course I know ASL, Kaito replied, his cockiness relayed in his body rather than his hand signs. And JSL, and French, and Russian, and English, and you get the point. To prove his point, he tilted his head in thought before signing a single s near the top of his head and flicking his index and middle fingers upwards.
Realizing he had just been given a name - and a slightly offensive one, really, his hair wasn’t that bad - he scowled and turned back to his book. Kaito shifted to move back to his desk, and Shinichi hesitated a moment before deciding to tug on his sleeve and sign one last thing. I’m mute, not deaf. A slight pause. You can talk if you want. Another moment as Kaito gave him a probing glance. The silence usually unnerves people. He wasn’t going to admit it, but it unnerved him, as well.
Kaito was still giving him that look, as though Shinichi was a code to decipher, before smirking and nodding. “All right then, Kudo. If you insist.”
Thanks. One side of his mouth quirked up into a smile, and he signed a K before using the outstretched index finger to flick slightly near the back of his neck. This time it was Kaito’s turn to scowl, and he turned away, muttering something about bedhead and hairspray.
Content, Shinichi smirked and returned to his book. That guy was pretty interesting.
It took ten minutes and thirteen pages of his novel before Shinichi realized he hadn’t asked to see Kaito’s mark.
“It’s stupid, right?” Shinichi released a breath he didn’t know he was holding as Kaito showed him his first sentence the very next day at lunch. It was in bright cursive blue, three words running along the vein in his wrist. I love you. “I mean, who the hell knows that they love somebody the moment they meet? It’s just crazy!”
Well, isn’t it good that way? I mean, if you’re fated to be, then obviously you two will end up loving each other. Shinichi finished his sign before shrugging and returning to eating the bento Ran had given him (because she somehow knew he would obviously forget to make his own).
Kaito gave him the best imitation of a kicked puppy Shinichi had ever seen. “You traitor,” he mumbled before stuffing an octopus sausage in his mouth. “Anyways,” he said with a full mouth, and swallowed before continuing. “It could be platonic, you know? There are a bunch of soulmates who become best friends and then go on to marry somebody else.” Shinichi hummed as much as he could without properly working vocal chords (which wasn’t much at all). Kaito was right, but still...
Well, you’ll see when you meet them. And with that, Shinichi let Kaito drop the subject. If he pushed any further, who knew what he would do.
And frankly, he didn’t particularly want to talk about it, either.
Hakuba - the British detective’s personal sign was the two outstretched fingers of a signed H flicking away Shinichi’s bangs, to mock his cocky attitude - keeps telling me to go to KID heists, but he won’t say why.
Kaito froze up at Shinichi’s signs, almost unnoticeable if his companion hadn’t been an ace detective. “And you’re thinking of going?” He laughed harshly. “That bastard probably just wants to show off or something. It’s not worth your time.”
Shinichi frowned. I was actually thinking of going to the one this weekend.
“Are you actually going deaf now, because what did I just tell you?”
I know, I know. It’s just...his hands slowed to a pause as he tried to come up with the right words. They seem fun.
“Kudo, what part of illegal activity do you find fun, exactly? I mean, yeah, KID-sama is amazing, but you also find dead bodies particularly fascinating, and putting those two interests of yours together really worries me.”
Shinichi shot the specially trademarked deadpan that was reserved for Kaito and other idiots (if there was anybody whose idiocy was at Kaito’s level, at least). I don’t find them fascinating, he retorted hotly, I just carefully examine them to find the culprit.
“Right,” Kaito rolled his eyes. “And KID doesn’t find gems fascinating, he just carefully examines them to find...something. I don’t even know. Why do I bother arguing with you?” And as always, Kaito got huffy after losing an argument. Thankfully, though, he said nothing more on the topic of Shinichi going to the heist.
The white-clad figure on the roof was familiar to Shinichi. Too familiar.
His hands made quick movements, the familiar K and sweep up the back of his neck indicative of Kaito’s name. The phantom thief at the edge of the building simply stared at him for a few moments before signing back Kaito’s own iteration of Shinichi’s name.
This is why you didn’t want me to come? To say he was mad would have been a lie. He was more...confused. Hurt that Kaito didn’t tell him, yes, but mostly confused. And that also explained why Hakuba, Kaito’s ex-classmate, was so insistent that Shinichi go to the heist. He knew that Kaito was KID, and he wanted a second opinion.
“This is farewell for now, meitantei,” KID - Kaito - called out loud, and before he could turn back around, Shinichi was already signing away furiously, second-long hand gestures trailing one after the other.
I don’t get why you’re doing this, but you could have at least said something. No, he couldn’t have, and they both knew it. You’re not a bad person, Kuroba. You- KID, this signed out solely with letters, no personalization in the name, always give the gems back, right? You could have told me! I wouldn’t have turned you in! Whatever you’re doing, you don’t have to do it alone!
He himself wasn’t quite sure why he was so upset over this whole thing. Kaito’s reason for not telling him was completely logical; detectives caught criminals, and they were on opposite sides of the law. But the other side of his mind was getting upset that he didn’t trust him enough- he almost didn’t notice as Kaito tossed the heisted gem at him, and he fumbled with it slightly before looking back up.
Kaito was already gone.
STOP AVOIDING ME! Shinichi refused to use sign language to convey his feelings this time. No, nothing signed could come close to how angry he was feeling. Instead, a large black permanent marker was in his hands as he scrawled block characters across the top of Kaito’s desk. Sure, it was vandalism of school property, but he had done worse, and his family was one of the school’s most generous donors. He would be more than willing to replace the desk once Kaito finally got his act together and started talking to him again. Four days of giving Shinichi the silent treatment (irony be damned) was four days too many.
As Shinichi finally felt satisfied enough with his work to cap the marker, he felt a gaze burning into him, and he turned to see Kaito standing in the doorway, a nervous crowd gathering behind him. He took one look at Shinichi, then the desk, then Shinichi again. After a few moments, he finally cleared his throat. “We need to talk.”
Surprised relief lit in Shinichi’s eyes. So he was finally coming to his senses. With determination that hadn’t quite waned, he grabbed Kaito’s hand and began to drag him down the hallway. “Wait-!” Kaito stumbled slightly. “We have class!”
With a grumble, Shinichi pulled his phone from his pocket and began to one-handed text, not risking letting go of Kaito’s wrist. he finally stopped, still holding tightly onto Kaito, and thrust his phone out at him. I can get notes from Ran. This is more important.
A beat of silence, before a nod. “Yeah, all right."
With a small snort of approval, Shinichi continued to drag Kaito down the hall and towards the roof.
“I, er.” Kaito began as Shinichi raised his hands to sign, and they both stopped at the same time, waiting for the other. Finally, Kaito continued. “I finally managed to figure out all the signs you used.”
Huh? Shinichi signed his confusion, and Kaito coughed slightly.
“Your...signs. The ones on the roof? You were going kind of fast, so I didn’t catch all of them. Or most of them, really.” Oh. He really was going fast, even for his normal signing speed, but only because he wanted to say everything he had to say before Kaito got away. “You looked really mad, so I thought...well, you can’t blame a guy for jumping to conclusions.”
Shinichi’s next motion wasn’t a sign, but a good, old-fashioned facepalm. Ugh, ugh. Of course he would have thought that. He wasn’t sure who was a bigger idiot at the moment, him or Kaito. Well I meant every word, he finally signed back. You’re my friend, and as long as you haven’t killed anybody, then you always will be. A brief pause. You haven’t killed anybody, have you?
“Of course not!” Kaito looked absolutely incensed at the accusation, and Shinichi couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh. That single question had forced Kaito to show more emotion than he had in the past week. “But I don’t expect you to actually help me or anything. This is all on me.”
Oh, of course not. A wry smirk crossed Shinichi’s face, one that was almost always on Kaito’s whenever he was planning something especially annoying. Actually, I might have to go to heists more often now, so that I can catch you.
“But you said-”
I said I wouldn’t turn you in. I never said anything about catch and release. He mockingly used the hand gesture for the fishing term, knowing full well that Kaito would flinch at the comparison between him and the finny things he hated so much.
“I hate you so much,” Kaito finally said, burying his face in his arms. Despite the words, Shinichi understood that he didn’t mean it, and signed back even as Kaito wasn’t looking.
I know.
“Shinichi, are you and Kuroba-kun...you know?” Shinichi couldn’t help but shoot Ran a confused glance. He did not, in fact, know. As he gestured for her to continue, she sighed in frustration. “I’m talking about you two getting all close to each other. You know. Guys usually don’t do the whole emotions thing.”
And? He still wasn’t exactly following what she meant. If you haven’t noticed, I’m a detective, and Kaito’s a- he froze before he could use the sign for thief and instead settled on magician. We’re not exactly ‘usual’ guys.
“What she’s trying to ask is if you two are going out.” Shinichi jumped slightly at Sonoko’s voice as she approached from behind. “Really, you two are practically joined at the hip, nobody would be surprised! And the talk that you two had last week? Seriously suspicious.
Almost immediately, Shinichi’s hands flew up to defend himself. It’s not like that! He just...needs some help with stuff, and I told him I’d help him! There’s nothing to it, really.
“Hm.” Sonoko still wasn’t convinced, that much was obvious, but Ran at least seemed to get it.
“If you say so. Just don’t get too cozy, okay?” He glanced at her briefly, questioningly, and she rolled her eyes. “You still need to find your soulmate, remember? And Kuroba-kun needs to look for his, too.”
He froze. He had completely forgotten about that; he used to be obsessed with finding whoever had no mark, but nowadays it was like the thought had been erased from his mind completely. Of course I remember, he signed after a little bit. I’m not an idiot.
But he couldn’t help but feel uneasy. His soulmate who had no mark...his mind wandered briefly over Kaito’s I love you, but he banished the thought quickly. Kaito had writing on his arm. Anyways, they were just friends. There was no way Kaito was his soulmate. He had established that the day they met, after all.
He shoved the thoughts out of his head, and tried not to question why they left such a disgusting feeling in the pit of his stomach.
It wouldn’t leave him alone, that stupid feeling that had wormed its way into his gut and had grown into a parasite. It felt terrible, and he couldn’t exactly place why. It had something to do with his soulmate- was it guilt again? No, he knew how that felt, so it had to be something different.
“Hey, are you okay?” Shinichi was startled by Kaito’s voice from right next to him. He had been saying something about magic (like always), but he couldn’t pay attention whatsoever. “You’ve been spacing out all day.”
I’m fine, Shinichi signed, frowning a bit, at which Kaito laughed. What’s so funny?
“It’s nothing.” But the look in Kaito’s eyes said otherwise, even if the magician wasn’t going to say it himself. “Anyways, as I was saying, Houdini had actually devised this great trick where he-”
And there Shinichi went again, zoning out as he tried to poke and prod at that little blossoming bud of negativity. What could it possibly be? It had to be something recent, but-
His thoughts were interrupted once again by Kaito, but this time by a hand against his forehead. “You seriously keep getting all glassy-eyed. You don’t have a fever, but...”
Shinichi, however, couldn’t make heads or tails of what Kaito was saying, instead focusing on the letters in front of him. I love you, in cursive blue. A wave of nausea rolled through him, and he stood up quickly. No. No, no, no, there was no possible way that was the reason he was feeling so bad. Bathroom, he signed quickly before dashing out of the room.
Even as Kaito called out for him to ask him if he needed any medicine, Shinichi didn’t stop. Those three words filled his vision, even as he leaned forward, clutching the porcelain seat and dry heaving into the toilet.
I love you had never felt this terrible.
They weren’t his words, and maybe - more than maybe - that was why he was feeling so strongly about them. Where, between becoming Kaito’s friend and learning his secret, had he started to feel...whatever this was?
(He knew what this was, really. He just didn’t care to admit it.)
He tried to shake off the feeling, and resorted to splashing his face with water in the kitchen sink, for the fifth time. There was no point in getting worked up over this kind of stuff, they always resolved themselves...except always was such a vague term, and the number of times he had to deal with people who forsook the soulmate legend was staggering.
The buzz of his phone alerted him to yet another message from Kaito, the sixth one in half as many hours. They were all variations of Are you okay? and Text me back, none of which Shinichi could find it in himself to respond to. That was fine. He’d just...wait until tomorrow, or something.
Except apparently Kaito didn’t have the same thought, as the doorbell ringing at eight at night signified. Shinichi opened the door, not expecting his friend (but also not quite knowing who to expect) to be standing outside, carrying what looked to be a bag of takeout. Kaito? Shinichi signed, but paused when Kaito furrowed his brow in confusion.
“What did you just say?”
Oh. Had he-? Shinichi flushed slightly in embarrassment. Maybe he had changed Kaito’s sign just a little, but only because it was tiring to have to reach behind himself to sign his name every time. This is Kuroba, he demonstrated Kaito’s old sign before typing up his name in his phone and holding it up to see. The translation wasn’t exact, they never would be when signs could be translated so many different ways, but he hoped to get the point across: formality. And this is Kaito. He repeated the gesture that he made before, the same K sign as usual, except this time with both fingers pressed to his lips.
“Oh! Like a secret, right? Pretty bold of you, using my name like that.” His falter was smoothly concealed as he gave the detective a toothy grin and brought his own index finger to his lips. Shinichi froze imperceptibly before nodding. He would let Kaito take it as he would. The finger pressed to his lips wasn’t ASL for secret, but it was a common gesture for voicers, so he supposed if it floated Kaito’s boat. “I hope you haven’t eaten, Shinichi,” his heart shouldn’t have done the thing it did upon hearing his first name, “because Mouri told me how bad you were at taking care of yourself, so I brought some food.” He held out the bag as further proof, before raising an eyebrow. “So, can I come in?”
Resting his head in one hand, he stepped aside to let Kaito across the threshold. This was a little sudden, he finally signed, and Kaito looked up to watch as he set out plates and utensils.
“Well, what was I supposed to do? You were the one avoiding me this time.” He threw a spare pair of chopsticks at Shinichi before grinning. “Now sit down and eat. You can tell me what’s wrong afterwards.”
Really, Shinichi’s heart skipping a beat was the last thing he needed at the moment, so he ignored it in favor of digging into some really unhealthy Chinese takeout. He couldn’t sign while eating, so Kaito took it upon himself to carry on a single-sided conversation, and Shinichi listened to him ramble on about his next heist for about an hour, his voice carrying through even as he did the dishes (to Shinichi’s abject horror; he wanted to refuse Kaito’s offer, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer). “So, do you want to go watch that new movie this weekend? The one about the robots from the future, or something?”
I can’t, Shinichi signed from where he was still seated at the dining room table. I’ve got voice therapy. Kaito blinked once, twice, three times before replying.
“Voice...therapy?”
Shinichi let out a breathy laugh. I know it sounds weird, but I usually go once a month. I used to go more often, but...he shrugged. He and his parents had come to terms with the fact that it was doing no good, so his sessions had gone from once a week to once every other week, until he was only going once a month. My vocal chords are fine, he explained. It’s called conversion mutism. He was forced to type the phrase out. It’s a psychological thing, was the best way for him to describe it, because even he didn’t understand it half the time. There’s not really much known about it, so the doctors think it’s just anxiety.
Even though he didn’t feel anxious, but he supposed his body did what it wanted to and he had no particular say in the matter - no pun intended. “All right,” Kaito finally said, nodding. At least he wasn’t questioning it, which was nice. Shinichi didn’t have to explain something that he couldn’t. “Then we’ll just cut to the chase: you’re avoiding me.”
I’m not avoiding you.
“Yes you are, and don’t you sign otherwise.” The stern look Kaito levelled him with was enough to keep his hands still for at least a moment. “Now you’re going to tell me why, or else.” Shinichi raised an eyebrow. “What? I don’t have a good enough threat yet, cut me some slack here.”
I can’t believe you, Shinichi signed back, before hesitating a moment longer. Finally, I’m not avoiding you on purpose, I was just thinking about things.
“What kind of things?” Gods, he was prying, wasn’t he? Shinichi hated when people did that, but he supposed Kaito knew that already (and perhaps that was exactly why he was doing it).
Soulmate things. Well, it wasn’t a lie. Even Ran had said the same thing, and he could use it as the best excuse he could possibly come up with. We haven’t found our soulmates yet, because we’ve been so busy with each other. Ugh, the way that sounded....what I’m trying to say is that maybe we should keep looking some more.
The look that Kaito gave him just wasn’t readable; it was nothing new as far as Kaito’s secrecy was concerned, but the fact that he was just...staring, it unnerved him. “So?” He asked finally. “I like hanging out with you, okay? My soulmate can wait for me. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.” He paused for a moment, his voice getting a little quieter. “Unless you want to just stop. You’ve been looking for a pretty long while, right? Maybe I should just mind my own business.”
No! He didn’t have to sign the word, just grabbing at Kaito’s sleeve and shaking his head before raising his hands. That’s not what I mean! That was the farthest from what he wanted. His stomach flipped violently at the thought, but he tried not to focus on that detail. Kaito was his friend, his friend and nothing more. Hanging out with him was...fun. Right.
Gods, he was an idiot. I’m sorry, the signs were accompanied by a gaze that refused to meet Kaito’s. I’m just being selfish.
“Well that’s a first.” He looked back up at the magician, who was smirking and sitting himself down on the kitchen counter. “When was the last time you did something for yourself?” Shinichi replied with nothing more than a tilt of his head, and Kaito waved his hand dismissively before replying. “I mean, you’re always going out of your way to solve problems for other people. Don’t give me some crap about it being fun,” he added, forcing Shinichi to stop his hands. “I know for a fact that you get as tired of it as the next guy.”
Well, that was true...Kaito had a point, not that Shinichi wanted to admit it. It was tiring, solving so many cases a week. With a slight huff, he signed, I don’t go to your heists because I have an obligation to catch you or anything. I just go because they’re fun.
“...thanks.” He didn’t miss the way Kaito hesitated slightly, but said nothing about it. They probably weren’t very fun to Kaito anymore, if the increased number of snipers was any indication. Frankly, he also ended up going because he often got worried sick about Kaito if he didn’t attend it, but that was something else that Kaito didn’t have to know. “Anyways,” it seemed the he was suddenly ready to change the topic. “Speaking of heists, there’s one this weekend. Are you going?”
Shinichi smirked slightly. Wouldn’t miss it for the world. In fact, I’ve already solved the riddle...
Kaito! Did you lose your voice? Shinichi had gotten so used to Kaito speaking, that the one day that the voicer didn’t say anything for an entire hour, he immediately got worried.
Kaito laughed out loud, a laughter with less breath and more voice, before shaking his head. It’s day of silence, idiot, he signed. You know what that is, right?
Shinichi blinked once, twice, three times. The day of what? It sounded like something he was supposed to know about, at least. Can’t say I do, he admitted. But it sounds familiar.
Might be because nobody here actually commits. Kaito snickered breathily. I do it every year, but this is the first time I’ll actually be able to sign to somebody all day. He tilted his head slightly, glancing upwards in thought, before replying again. It’s an LGBT event. You’re not supposed to talk for the entire day, to kind of signify how silencing discrimination can be.
Shinichi thought about it for a minute before signing back, well that doesn’t seem too hard. He shared Kaito’s laughter, his voiceless wheezing accompanying Kaito’s loud snickers. So, are you...?
Bi. Kaito shrugged. You don’t have a problem with that, do you? I mean, I forgot that you didn’t know and-
No, oh my god. Why would I? He almost laughed again at the thought. What a hypocrite he would be, if he got upset that the guy he had a crush on (yes, he could admit that much, at least to himself) was bisexual. I just didn’t know. You’re not exactly obvious about it, at least.
What, do you expect me to walk around all the time wearing feather boas and pumps? But the question wasn’t malicious; instead, it was accompanied by a teasing smirk. Nobody’s asked, so I haven’t bothered to tell.
Now that he knew, though...have you gotten a lot of confessions? He tried to play it off casually, even though his fingers trembled ever so slightly as he formed the words.
Kind of. Kaito shrugged. I was pretty popular back in Ekoda, but nothing further than confessions behind the school, and all that cliched stuff. Mostly girls, but a few guys, too. Shinichi nodded, trying to dismiss the curdling feeling in his gut. He wasn’t getting jealous of these people that Kaito turned down, absolutely not. I kept telling them that I’m waiting for my soulmate, but...well, some people won’t take no for an answer. And there was the kicker. A pained smile accompanied Shinichi’s inner anguish at the words Kaito and soulmate. No matter how many times he told himself that it was how the world worked out, he just couldn’t think about it without feeling slightly sick. Hey, are you okay?
I’m fine. He waved off Kaito’s concern. He wasn’t going to worry him, not with this stupid detail that could possibly ruin their friendship. Not at all. So, what were you saying?
It was the first heist that Shinichi ever attended in Ekoda - most of the others taking place in Beika or Tokyo proper - but Kaito definitely knew the landscape by heart. Instead of staying downstairs for the mayhem, where Nakamori-keibu would undoubtedly be raving up a storm, he decided to camp out on the rooftop. It was a change of pace, but he had to admit (to himself, at least) that he wasn’t particularly interested in the hijinks that night. Seeing Kaito get out safe was his main concern.
Seeing Kaito, period, was his main concern.
The rooftop entrance burst open, and Shinichi hesitated for a minute, eyes still focused on the full moon, before turning to look at Kaito. You’ve got nowhere to run, KID, he jokingly signed before placing one hand in his pocket, the other resting at his side. As Kaito doubled over slightly, out of breath from evading capture, Shinichi took the moment to appreciate the way the moonlight washed over him, every moonbeam fitting him more perfectly than his tailored suit. His smirk softened into a smile, letting his guard down if just for the moment.
Kaito looked back up at him, but there was something different. His eyes were filled with uncontained glee, an almost manic smile plastered on his lips. “Shinichi,” he managed to babble out, “Shinichi, I found it! This is it!” He held the target gem out, and they both watched as it glowed an iridescent red under the moonlight (although Kaito glowed more, the way his smile lit up the entire night much more effectively than the gem or the stars or even the moon). “This is what I’ve been looking for!”
He rushed forward, surprising Shinichi as he came to a stop right in front of him and held it between them. It’s so...small. He didn’t know much about what Kaito was looking for, only that it was a gem inside a gem, but the kernel of crimson situated inside the larger chrome tourmaline it called home seemed almost too small. Are you sure this is it?
“It has to be,” Kaito said, clenching it in his fist until it disappeared like any of his other magic tricks. “It just has to.” He stared down at his palm for a few more moments before looking back into Shinichi’s eyes. “I finally did it. I did it, can you believe it?”
Pride welled up inside of him, and he grinned widely, nodding. It was over, Kaito had set off on a long, arduous journey that finally ended right there. I’m proud of you, he signed, but his hands were stilled by Kaito’s own gloved ones wrapping around them. He couldn’t communicate what he wanted to, his hands were the only things he could ever talk with, but...but Kaito’s hands against his were more comforting than restricting, their warmth conveying everything they needed to without words or signs.
Shinichi could practically feel himself stop breathing, not wanting Kaito to feel just how quickly his heart was pounding from his fingertips. Kaito’s gaze was settled on their hands, and Shinichi tried to keep his the same, even as his eyes tried to trace the outline of Kaito’s face against the midnight backdrop. After what felt like an eternity, Kaito finally pulled away, flashing Shinichi another grin and disengaging his hang glider. “I’ll see you later,” the giddiness in his voice was still evident, shuddering slightly underneath the surface. “I have some things to do.”
Stay safe, Kaito, Shinichi signed, and Kaito grinned even more, pressing his index finger to his lips to mimic Shinichi’s sign for his name. Before Shinichi could sign anything else, Kaito jumped off the side, letting his white wings carry him out away from the crime scene.
This time, Shinichi was too light to even care that Kaito messed up the meaning of his sign.
“Kudo-san! Kudo-san, can you hear me?” He knew that voice, it was his PCP...but why was he there? Wasn’t he at home? His eyes fluttered open to white, white everywhere, and he realized quickly that he wasn’t in his home like he thought, but rather in a hospital bed. “Can you hear me?” His PCP repeated again, and he glanced at him, nodding before raising his hands - they were shaking, not responding to him as well as the usually did.
What happened?
“You were shot, is what happened,” another voice on the other side of him said angrily. Oh, it was Ran. He turned to look at her properly. “That bastard KID, if I ever see him, I’ll-” He repeated his nonverbal question, trying to keep her focused. “You were on your way back from the heist,” she explained, voice still holding that underlying hostility. Well, he remembered that much. “It was all over the news. One minute you were trying to get out of the crowd, and the next you were on the ground. There was so much blood...” She paled slightly at the memory, but he reached up to squeeze her hand and assure her that he was very much alive. “You...are you okay?”
I can’t feel any pain, he signed, but even as he moved, he found himself amending his words. My side is burning a little, though.
“You were shot in the external oblique, Kudo-san. We managed to extract the bullet and put you on morphine for the time being, but it’s going to hurt more as the medication wears off.”
That’s okay, he let his hands speak of their own accord. This won’t be the first time I’ve been shot.
“That doesn’t make it any better,” Ran protested, but it was his doctor that silenced her.
He paused a moment before asking, “Are you saying that you’ve been shot at before?”
Shinichi nodded. Only once, though, and I was really young. I was being held for ransom, I think. He shrugged; he could barely remember it, to be honest, and the only thing he really could remember clearly was the feeling of being terrified - something not uncommon when one was kidnapped.
“Your parents never mentioned any type of event like that,” his doctor commented briefly, before he fell into a short silence. Frankly, he didn’t understand why it was such a big deal. The bullet barely grazed him, and it wasn’t like he needed to be taken to the hospital or anything. When he tried to sign such to his doctor, though, the older man simply shook his head. “It’s not the physical repercussions I’m worried about, Kudo-san. Have you ever...” He paused again. “Do you think that perhaps this childhood trauma could be related to your mutism?”
I’ve- he brought his hands up to sign before pausing. He never thought about it, really, but it didn’t make any sense. Not that having no voice for no reason made any more sense, but still...Is that possible? Finally, a question. It just didn’t seem likely at all.
“PTSD is commonly associated with conversion disorders,” his PCP said as soon as the question was asked. “I wouldn’t be surprised at all if you have been stopping your voice on a subconscious level because of something that may have happened during the incident.” He sighed slightly. “At this point, it’s the only concrete possibility.”
Does that mean it’s treatable? There were medications for people with PTSD, right? Did that mean he could get his voice back?
It was as if the doctor had read his mind. “There are no drugs known to fully combat post-traumatic stress disorder,” he said finally. “Most are just used to help ease the symptoms, such as anxiety or sleep deprivation. However,” he added quickly upon seeing the hopeful gleam in Shinichi’s eyes wilt slightly, “it is possible that, alongside extensive voice and psychotherapy, there’s a chance that you could hypothetically regain your speech in as little as four to five weeks.” Yet another gap between his words. “Of course, this isn’t certain, but...”
The chance was enough for Shinichi’s breath to hitch. He could get his voice-! I want to try, he signed quickly, fumbling over his words in his excitement. Even if it’s a one percent chance, I want to try.
His doctor laughed slightly. “It’s more than one percent, don’t worry. But it’s going to take quite a lot of time and effort, and, well, resources that this hospital just doesn’t have.” He hummed slightly. “I have a colleague who just recently moved to Osaka. I know it’s rather out of the way, but if you want me to, I could refer you to her.”
Shinichi nodded quickly. Yes please, he signed just as fast. I have a friend in Osaka, he probably wouldn’t mind if I stayed over for a while.
He glanced over at Ran, who was already reaching for her phone. “I’ll call Hattori-kun,” she said while walking towards the door. “You and the doctor still need to discuss some things, don’t you?” With that, she excused herself to make the phonecall outside.
The doctor glanced back at where she just left before chuckling. “You have good friends, Kudo-san,” he said finally. Shinichi just nodded in response. He did have good friends. The best, really. “I can discuss the details of the therapy with you later, but for now, I’m just curious. You’ve always been searching for somebody with no first words, correct? And according to several sessions in the past, it’s been quite a source of agitation for you.” Shinichi nodded, already knowing where this was going (or at least having a strong suspicion). “If you do end up recovering your voice, you realize that your soulmate won’t have a blank arm, don’t you?”
I know, he signed slowly, deliberately. It was the first thing that had crossed his mind. The hope of ever gaining his voice back had disappeared over time, but now it was back because of this...development. And also because of it, there was a possibility he hadn’t entertained before. But if I do get it back, he continued, then I don’t think I have to keep looking.
“Is that so.” His PCP smiled briefly. “Then I hope it all goes well for you, Kudo-san. I’ll contact my colleague tonight, and you can video call with her tomorrow if that’s all right by you? Of course, you won’t be able to leave until your physical wounds are all healed up.” He nodded, and the doctor made to leave, stepping aside to let Ran into the room before making his exit.
“Hattori-kun said yes,” she said as soon as Shinichi’s attention was on her. “If you’re making any progress whatsoever, stay as long as you need to.” Even with the serious tone in her voice, he could see the grin threatening to show on her face; she was just as excited as he was on the inside. “I’m going to miss you, you big idiot,” her words were muffled as she reached out to hug him tightly. He only pulled back out of necessity, bringing his hands up.
You’re the idiot, he signed. I’m only going to be gone a month. But a month was a long time, they both knew that, especially a month of absence. He hesitated slightly. Can you...not tell Kaito about this? The smirk tugging at Ran’s lips told him all he needed to know, that she knew exactly why he was asking. Shut up, it’s not like that.
“Of course it’s not, you idiot.” But there were only so many times Ran could call him that before it got tiring, and so she just smiled and pulled completely away. “Get some rest, okay? I’ll let the others know you’re in the hospital at least.”
She finally laughed and left as Shinichi gave a flap of his hands, turning away from her retreating figure. Even though he had just woken up, he did feel a little tired. Maybe it was the wound in his side getting the better of him, or maybe it was the adrenaline rush from getting another chance at getting his voice back. Either way, he buried into the covers of the hospital bed, extremely content for the time being.
Now to see how everything else went.
Shinichi was seen off a week later, by a grand total of three people. It was no surprise to see Ran waving at him from the train station, but perhaps he was slightly more shocked than necessary upon seeing his parents do the same. Still, the thought was appreciated, even if Hattori did tease him about being a mama’s boy.
The entire Hattori family was thrilled to have Shinichi over (even if Heizo was less prone to showing thus), but less than a week in, everybody had grown used to the idea that they would rarely be seeing him outside of meals. Shinichi, of his own accord, had blocked his own schedule between voice therapy, psychotherapy and trying to catch up with what he was missing at school. While admirable, he would often hole himself up in the guest room every night, and they would check on him only to find him already fast asleep.
If he had been making any progress, the Hattoris would not have known it.
And they didn’t know it, until the second week of Shinichi’s stay, when he had stared resolutely at the butter during dinner, refusing everybody’s offer to pass it to him. Finally, after what felt like ages, his mouth shaped several words- and while it wasn’t necessarily speech with proper vocal chord usage, the breaths that came out sounded so much closer to syllables than they had fourteen days ago.
And throughout the next three weeks, he continued to progress. Breaths turned into whispers, which eventually evolved into the beginnings of words. Minute laughs, cracked hums and squeaks signified sound, the presence of a voice just underneath the surface. But Shinichi still refused to say anything outright. They assumed he was shy, and didn’t push him, and he let them misinterpret his actions. It was easier than admitting that he was ‘saving his voice’.
When the time finally came for him to leave, there were so many more people to see him off than when he left Beika. Hattori, his parents, Kazuha-chan, even his therapists had taken their lunch out to say goodbye. Ran had come to Osaka to pick him up, but teased him upon seeing quite the crowd.
The teasing stopped, however, when he managed to eke out a whispered thank you to the doctors who helped him out, and instead of amusement, there was nothing but pride in her voice. “The prince of fools finally learned how to talk,” were her exact words, but at least he knew she was being sincere on the inside.
Hopefully.
He didn’t return to school for another two days, preferring to continue voice therapy to try and strengthen his (to him) new vocal chords before he came back. Kaito was going to be absolutely livid, but he didn’t want to see him without being prepared.
However, things often didn’t turn out the way that people hoped, and Thursday afternoon, the second day of his return to Beika, found a particularly loud banging on his front door. “Shinichi!” The voice could only have belonged to one person. “Open up, I know you’re in there!”
He turned from the mirror he was practicing in, unsure whether to answer the door or not. He had missed Kaito, terribly so, but he still didn’t feel ready. He still had so much to work on, so much to do, it all had to be perfect-
The lock clicked audibly throughout the house, and Shinichi rued the day he ever fell in love with a man who could pick locks faster than he could tie his own shoes. He stepped out into the hallway, waiting until Kaito’s gaze swept across the living room and finally landed on him.
“You.” So he was right; Kaito was furious. He barely moved as Kaito stalked forward, grabbing his shoulders roughly. “The last damn thing I heard was that you got shot, and then you disappear for who knows how long and even Mouri wouldn’t tell me where you were!” There was something else mixed in with anger in his eyes, the slightest traces of panic and worry. “I thought something happened to you, you bastard, and then- and then you just show up like nothing happened, but you don’t even come to school!”
Shinichi raised his hands, but Kaito must have taken it as an attempt to sign an excuse, because his hands reached from Shinichi’s shoulders to his wrists, holding them in place. “No excuses this time, you- you jackass! Don’t ever scare me like that again!”
There was a long, heavy silence in which they stared at each other, neither of them saying a word until Kaito finally heaved a deep sigh and released Shinichi’s wrists. “Sorry,” his voice was quiet, and he looked away slightly. “I got worried, is all.” He gave an embarrassed cough, and Shinichi could feel his heart swell. Maybe he was just an idiot (like most people claimed), but seeing Kaito feel so strongly about his absence was almost endearing. No, not almost. It was endearing. It gave him hope. “What...did you want to say?”
I wanted to say that I have something to say, he signed slowly, at which Kaito snorted.
“You don’t have to be so roundabout about it, you know. Just go ahead. I’m all eyes.”
A smile spread across his face, part warm and part nervous, part loving and part terrified. Resolutely, he brought his hands down to grab Kaito’s wrists - much to the other's surprise - and studied both wrists, one blank and the other with smooth calligraphy blue writing on it. One for his first meeting with the magician, and the other for the first words for Shinichi to ever truly say to him. Self-fulfilled prophecy be damned, he knew those were his first words. He wouldn’t let them not be.
“I...love you.”
It was far from perfect. Shinichi’s voice was terrible and scratchy from lack of use, cracking in all the wrong places and just generally a mess. But none of that mattered as he glanced upwards, registering the shock-surprise-adoration in Kaito’s eyes before they closed and Kaito surged forward, pulling Shinichi’s face forward smashing his own lips into the detective’s. It was far from perfect, but judging by Kaito’s reaction, it was more than good enough. With a triumphant little noise in the back of his throat - a noise he could finally make! - he pressed into the kiss, closing his own eyes and reveling in the feeling.
When they finally parted, both breathing heavily but never separating quite enough as they pressed their foreheads together, Kaito spoke again. “You...you talked.” Shinichi just nodded, and Kaito repeated his words in awe. “You talked, and you- you said-”
“That I love you.” He returned to whispers, not wanting to ruin the moment with his uncontrollable speech pattern - not that Kaito had seemed to mind before. “It wasn’t very good, I know, but...”
“No,” Kaito interjected, before backtracking slightly. “No, it was fine. It was great. I mean, your voice! And you...” He laughed slightly, stroking Shinichi’s cheek with the pad of his thumb. “Even if you absolutely drive me up the wall, I love you too. Didn’t think you’d end up being my soulmate, though.” And Shinichi could hear every nuance of that concession in his voice, every insecurity that Shinichi had felt but echoed through a mirror. They hadn't matched, it hadn't been right, but now they were, and it was. “Is that cheating,” Kaito teased slightly, “since you already knew my first words?”
“I don’t care,” Shinichi insisted, at which Kaito laughed.
“Then I don’t, either.”
They stayed in companionable silence, holding each other and just contently savoring the moment, until something cropped up in the front of Shinichi’s mind, and he coughed slightly. “You know,” he murmured, turning away slightly, “I didn’t mean a secret when I came up with your sign.”
“I know.” He looked up again, surprised at the blush adorning Kaito’s cheeks as the magician stared resolutely at the wall. They had managed to get through sappy confessions, and now he was blushing at this? God, he fell in love with a dweeb. “I’ve seen the occasional ballet in my time.”
“Then you know what it means?” Oh god, if he had known ever since he began signing that- okay, the mere thought of that was downright embarrassing.
However, Kaito didn’t answer straight away, the pause between Shinichi’s question and his response enough to set Shinichi on edge, until he finally glanced back with a teasing grin. “I don’t think so,” he said, smirking, “Perhaps you should show me, you know, for future reference.” Shinichi simply gaped at him.
“You lying bastard.”
He was more than happy to do so.