MCU_fics_I_like_man
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Coulson, for his part, stares up at Bucky with such a betrayed look of frozen horror that Natasha actually goes the extra step and presses another button, capturing the moment and airdropping the photograph to her phone for posterity. When he speaks, his voice comes out as a hoarse whisper. “Why…?” He swallows and starts again, trying for some semblance of normality. “...Why would you tweet something like that?!”
“If you must know, sir,” and somehow he manages to make ‘sir’ come out with the same inflection most people reserve for ‘motherfucking son of a bitch’, “it’s because I have a difficult time doing my job when my job involves monitoring the man with the best fucking ass in the United States of America.” He slowly lowers himself back into his seat until he’s at eye level, making extreme eye contact with Coulson until Coulson turns away to make mortified eye contact in Natasha’s general direction through the one-way glass. Natasha would take another picture, if she weren’t too busy catching Steve’s red-faced sputtering. “Sometimes, I vent to my Twitter followers. Sometimes, it’s about hot men with washboard abs. Can I go now, or do you need a graphic description of how I pleasure myself at night?”
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The Ding Dong War by icewhisper
Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
04 Jul 2020
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The year Hostess releases their limited edition Star Spangled Ding Dongs, they all suffer.
(AKA no one should let Tony Stark have a credit card and history books never covered just how much of an asshole Steve Rogers really is.) -
Barnes & Rogers and the Goddamn Truth by orphan_account
Fandoms: Captain America (Movies)
07 Jun 2016
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There are three well-known facts at Shield High:
1. The history teacher Mr. Barnes is a stone-cold terror, and it’s not even because he only has one arm.
2. The other history teacher, Mr. Rogers, is a mysterious enigma, and it’s something to do with the body of a Greek God and contradicting stories of his past. (They’re all rumours, anyway.)
3. Mr Barnes and Mr Rogers hate each other.Bucky wouldn’t have it any other way.
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I’m pretty low on funds and need to make ends meet this month, Barnes types slowly into a new post three days later. I’m taking commissions for hits in the New York City area.
Will Not Kill: Captain America or other Avengers.
Will partially refund payment if target turns out to be HYDRA.
Will not go to Jersey. No dismemberment or killing children.
Message for negotiations and payment details. -
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Steve Rogers wasn't an idiot. He knew how to use technology. He didn't know fighting Nazis and homophobes was going to make him Twitter famous.