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“Kong, don't forget about the tie. The navy blue one will go well with your suit.”
“Ok.”
Kongpob stood in front of the large mirror in their dressing room adjacent to their walk-in closet, wearing just a pair of white boxers and buttoning up a light blue dress shirt. Well, trying to button up. The shirt was stretched a little too tight, and his arms weren’t fitting well.
He sighed, and removed the shirt, throwing it on top of the already existing pile of similar shirts. He didn’t like the sight he was seeing in the mirror. A layer of fat had piled on top of his stomach, his chest and abs hiding underneath it , the consequences of days of sitting on his ass without movement and the tons of medications he had to consume. To say it bluntly, he had gained weight. And he didn’t like it one bit.
“Kong? Are you still not dressed?”
“Umm…no, five minutes.”
Kongpob went to the closet section with all his suits, picking out a specific maroon one from the very back. This was his only hope, he had never really worn it since it had been loose on him before. Before the accident.
He began putting on the white shirt, glancing over the various white scars that stood out on his chest, shoulder, and one vertically disappearing down the waistband of his boxers. All of them being proof of the various broken bones and injuries that had to be operated on while he was admitted in the hospital.
He heard footsteps inside the room, and quickly buttoned up the shirt till the top, relieved that this one fit. He didn’t want Arthit seeing his ugly body. Which was stupid. Arthit had already seen every single part of his injured self, everytime he had to help him change clothes and take a bath. Still he couldn’t help feeling like that.
“Hey what’s taking you so long?”
“I- I’m trying out suits. Didn’t like any of them before.”
“You don’t have to worry, you’d look good in anything.”
“Huh really…”
Saying so, Kongpob almost ran out into their bedroom, scrambling to wear his pants and coat. This one did fit well on him, but that was only because he was fat now, he thought as he looked at the mirror.
Arthit frowned at his odd behaviour, but didn’t question anything further, instead searching for a suit of his own to wear for the formal business dinner they had been invited to by Kongpob’s father. He was happy that they were able to go together, Kongpob having mostly recovered from the car accident and now being able to move around on his own.
He changed right there in the closet, then went out carrying his old clothes. He stilled though, at the pleasant sight that struck his eyes in the bedroom.
Could you blame him? It had been so long since he had seen his husband in formal wear, of late used to seeing him in only old shorts and T-shirts. He couldn’t help but ogle at the handsome man in front of him, looking even more handsome in the three-piece suit.
“Kongpob…”
Kongpob felt Arthit stand right next to him, close enough to feel his hot breath on the earlobe.
“P’?”
“I thought this suit didn’t fit you?” He fiddled with the hem of the maroon blazer, shifting to stand even closer to the other.
“Yeah … guess I filled out a bit in the past few weeks…” Kongpob said, his tone slightly resentful, but Arthit didn’t notice that.
“Hmm maybe, but you still manage to look good…” Arthit purred in his ear, fingers running over Kongpob’s shirt buttons. “So handsome…”
Kongpob inhaled deeply, affected by the tingles running down his neck. But he gently removed the hand from his chest.
“Let’s go P’. We are getting late already.”
Arthit nodded, frowning at the retreating back of Kongpob as he stepped outside their bedroom. He would be lying if he said that he wasn’t hurt by the tacit rejection on Kongpob’s part. He didn’t know what was going on with that husband of his, he had been sounding weird for a while now. Chalking it up to nerves, he shrugged and followed behind him.
X
The couple was received with a lot of attention from the family members, especially Kongpob’s parents and elder sister. They were ecstatic that their son was well enough to attend.
“Kongpob! I’m so happy you came. I had insisted Arthit bring you this time, after you missed the last one.”
“Khap por, I’m also happy to be here.”
The words were there, but the expressions weren’t matching them. Arthit could read the man like a book, he knew when Kongpob was really happy about something, and when he was faking it. Which surprised him; shouldn’t he be excited being able to go somewhere and talk to people, move around normally without 10 kilos of metal and bandages dragging him down?
Arthit continued to observe Kongpob throughout the evening, trying to make sense of his weird mood swings. One moment he would be his most charismatic self, talking to everyone and generally being charming to all the guests, and the next he would have a listless, dull expression, stepping away from the main crowd toward the back of the room.
Arthit wanted to stick with him all the time, but he himself was pulled in different directions by different people. There were more than a few enquiries about the accident and aftermath, mostly from well wishers and acquaintances. Kongpob would answer the questions in polite, one-worded statements, then again would run off somewhere away from the crowd.
Finally after two whole hours, Arthit was able to successfully catch Kongpob at the back, who was leaning heavily against the wall.
“Kong? Are you Ok?”
Kongpob shrugged his answer.
“I…just need some time. I walked around the place for so long with so many people…”
“Is it your leg? Is it hurting? We can go home if it’s too stressful for you.”
“No…P’ it’s been so long since I attended…anything. Let me be, I’ll be fine after a while.”
“You don’t have to strain so much, we can always go home…”
“I’ll be fine, just leave me alone!” Kongpob snapped at Arthit, then looked instantly apologetic at his hurt expression. “Actually I…”
“Fine, do whatever you want.” Arthit said and left him, getting a little annoyed at his hot and cold behaviour. He didn’t intend to go far, just till the dispenser to get water for the both of them to cool down. The latter definitely needed it.
He stepped back and handed over the glass to Kongpob. After a while of silence between them, broken only by the background music and the chatter going on in the hall, Kongpob spoke up.
“I’m tired P’. I don’t think I can talk to anyone anymore. Can we please leave?”
“Of course.” Arthit held his hand. Glad that Kongpob was actually letting out the truth for once, he didn’t waste any time in dragging them both out and exchanging their goodbyes with everyone. Soon they were in their car, Arthit driving them back to their home.
Kongpob remained so silent throughout the ride that Arthit had to glance towards his left repeatedly, checking whether he was even there in the car or not. He felt helpless, not being able to understand what exactly the younger was thinking, and not being able to extract much out of him despite repeatedly prodding him.
X
The final straw came when they got out of the car.
“Owww…” Arthit heard the yelp and ran to the other side, and saw the other holding his leg up against the door. He supported Kongpob, seating him on the couch in the lounge and ran back to the car to get his cane. The doctor had recommended a walking cane to be kept on his person for any painful flare ups. He knew that though Kongpob was healed, some of the aches and pains would take a lot longer to completely subside.
Kongpob just watched him with a sad expression during the whole time. He strode (limped) away to the bedroom as soon as the doors opened, not even bothering to straighten up the shoes that he had removed. If that wasn’t a glaring red flag in Arthit’s mind.
“Kongpob?”
He entered the room, seeing him sitting on the bed with his gaze downwards, cane thrown off sideways on the floor.
“Hey these things happen, it will just take some more time to heal. The doc warned us right? Don’t be upset naa.”
"How much more time P'?" Kongpob asked with a slight quiver in his voice, looking like he was about to cry any minute.
"Kong, it's ok… "
"No it's not!" Kongpob yelled, then burst out into tears on the spot. He dropped his head into his hands and cried hard.
"Kongpob…" Arthit stood near his sobbing husband, gently cradling his face and trying to get him to look up.
“I am so tired...of being hurt...being in constant pain… nothing works for me P’, everyone says that I am recovered but nothing seems to be recovering…” He cried harder, drenching Arthit’s shirt with his tears.
“I hate my body, I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror… I am not even able to climb a bunch of stairs without getting tired, or hurting... I hate this ugly body… I hate the scars, they always remind me of the stupid accident and what happened earlier, I am never able to forget!
“Kong listen…”
“I don’t know what to do P’! I sometimes wish I had never recovered from the accident… wouldn’t it be better to never have been saved...”
“Kongpob! Don’t say such stupid things!” Arthit snapped, shuddering at the memories of the accident and the battered, bruised state he had found Kongpob in at the hospital. The nightmarish sight was burned in his vision for eternity.
“Don’t say that! You know how close we came to losing you that day? I will never wish that pain onto anyone and I never want to live through any of that again. So don’t you dare say such stupid things ever again!”
“I…” Kongpob looked up, somewhat shocked at the outburst, now regretting having said the words.
“I know it’s tough, hell it’s irritating to not be completely rid of the aftereffects of the accident, but why can’t you see? How far you have come till here since the early days! You used to be barely able to even get out of bed, let alone walk, and now look you are able to attend parties, socialise, spend time with people, everything. Isn’t that worth it?”
Kongpob listened to Arthit attentively, still teary eyed but at least not crying anymore. His arms still encircled around his waist, holding onto him tightly like a lifeline.
“As for scars, nothing can be done about them, you know that well. But why does it matter? When did you start caring so much about this stuff?”
“Because they don’t look good on me, and I am already tired of my body being ugly.”
“Who said you are ugly?”
“I know it well. I don’t look as good as before.”
“How? I don’t understand.”
“P’ you don’t have to lie to me to keep me happy. I know well, I am so out of shape, I have gained a lot of weight in the past months. I look really bad, and only I can try to fix that.”
“Ok That might be true…” Arthit looked down, conceding that the latter might actually be telling the truth, “but again, why does that mean you are ugly?”
Kongpob looked slightly confused. “But wasn’t that why…”
“Kongpob, why are you so stressed about having a few kilos more or less? If you really want to work on it, fine, but stop being so obsessed over how you look? It doesn’t suit you. And can you stop calling yourself ugly, I hate it when someone calls my loved ones names.”
“But it’s true right! I don’t look my best.”
“Even if that’s true, so what? Does it matter?”
“It does! You don’t like the way I look.”
“I like you just the way you are. Do you really think I’m that shallow?”
Arthit never put so much focus on appearance, especially not Kongpob’s. He really didn’t know why he was feeling like this all of a sudden.
“Then why don’t you ever come near me? Why have you stopped touching me like you did before?”
“Huh!?” Arthit pulled away, in surprise at the response.
“Really Kongpob? Of course I stopped. I had to stop. How could you ask me this? ”
“What do you mean?”
“How could I even think of asking you further into anything before you got better? I wanted to wait till you were completely OK before we did anything more. Didn’t the doctor also tell you to ‘refrain from physical activities’?”
Kongpob stared at him for a second, seemingly finding some truth in what he’d said.
“Then how about now?”
“Now what?”
“Why don’t you make up now for all the time we lost?”
“Are… you absolutely sure?” Arthit stood there, processing what Kongpob had asked of him.
“I’m here in front of you, fully recovered. Then why not now?”
Arthit was frozen for a while, longer than what Kongpob thought was necessary to consider his offer.
“Fine. Forget it! I knew you were just making excuses to get out of it right!? You don’t really want me, do you?” Kongpob grew misty eyed all over again, pushing Arthit away from him.
“Hey...” Arthit tried to pull by his hand but an angry Kongpob was bent on leaving the room.
“Kongpob!”
In a split second decision, Arthit yanked Kongpob backwards and pressed his lips onto his. Kongpob stumbled into his arms, holding him tight and returning the kiss with equal fervour. It felt amazing, being able to kiss each other to their heart’s content without any concerns or limitations. It had been way too long; Arthit didn’t want to hold back anymore. He slid his hand along the younger’s hair, pulling it slightly back.
“I can never not want you, Kong.” He mumbled against his skin, placing hot open-mouthed kisses along his long neck and collarbone, feeling him vibrate against his lips. But despite the reactions Arthit could still sense the stiffness and hesitance in Kongpob’s body language.
“Kong, don’t think so much…” He said, taking his hand and seating Kongpob onto the bed.
“But-”
“Shh, just relax... don’t think about anything.” Arthit pushed on his shoulders, and got Kongpob to lie on his back, directly facing him. Arthit straddled his body and bent down to kiss him again, harder than before. His hands roamed on top of Kongpob’s clothed chest, and tugged on the shirt.
“Off.”
Kongpob scrambled to unbutton his shirt, but his hands froze midway. Arthit noticed; he gently opened the rest of his buttons as he kissed his way downwards on the visible patch of chest. He glanced up to see Kongpob completely rigid and tense, trying to hide his face in his arms.
“Hoi…” Arthit shook his head at the childish behaviour, trying to get kongpob’s attention. Seeing no response from the latter, he went for another route. Kongpob jumped up when he felt a mouth close on his nipple, gasping at the sudden assault. He moaned louder when he felt fingers tracing along his ribs, then stiffened again when he felt them trace his scar on the side.
It didn’t hurt, but the scar seemed to tingle under the elder’s touch. He inhaled sharply on feeling Arthit’s mouth pressing kisses along the raised white line, exactly where his fingers were before.
“Beautiful…” He breathed, hot air tickling the skin of his naked torso. Kongpob shook his head, already feeling overwhelmed by his actions.
“No…” He whined, but was cut off by Arthit reaching up and kissing him.
“You are. Beautiful, Kongpob.” He pressed more kisses along his neck, down the other smaller scar which ran down his shoulder. “Every part of you is beautiful.” He went further down, licking his nipple and swirling his tongue around it.
“Even the parts that you think are not, they are beautiful. And I’ll keep saying it till you believe me Kong.”
“P’...” Kongpob gripped his shoulders tight, completely overwhelmed by the words, feeling emotional. They seemed to break down every single one of the cages that had built around his heart, breaking down all the insecurities he had developed over time.
He felt Arthit sitting up, and stared at him, shivering under the intense hunger he saw being returned in his eyes. Arthit looked at him like he was a full course meal ready to be devoured. It sent pleasurable tingles down his spine, all the way down to his groin.
Arthit ran a palm over his belly, which felt softer and more round than before, but nothing that Kongpob had claimed to have grown ‘fat’. In fact he found that he really liked touching it more than usual. He tickled the area, slowly shifting and wiggling his fingers all over it. Kongpob squirmed hard under his torture; his stomach had apparently gotten even more sensitive after the accident.
“P’...haaah…”
In response Arthit dug his fingers in even deeper and continued his tickle-torture further, causing Kongpob to buckle his hips and moan out loud.
“Haahahhha...P’ please!...Stahpppp….haahhh…pleaseee…” Arthit chuckled at his state; he was happy that Kongpob had gotten completely relaxed under him, once he stopped wiggling his fingers that is.
“Fuck…” Kongpob breathed heavily, trying to flail his arms and hit Arthit, causing him to laugh louder. He actually kinda missed the tickling now, after he had stopped. His thoughts were interrupted by Arthit randomly placing wet kisses all over his belly, equal parts tickling and arousing him.
“Perfect...you are so fucking sexy…” Arthit kissed and tongued around his belly button, causing Kongpob to cry out loud. All of the pleasure pooled down southwards, and he could already feel himself getting hard. Arthit also felt it against him. He brought his hand down and stroked the erection straining against his pants. Just the friction through the cloth felt amazing, combined with the sensations on his belly button.
“P’...Ai’Oon…more…”
“More?” Arthit smirked, raising his head.
“More...please…” Arthit complied, opening and sliding down his pants down his legs, tossing it somewhere in the room. He noticed the scar even more clearly, it began at his waist and disappeared down the waistband of his shorts. He ran his finger along it, feeling Kongpob tense up yet again, then slowly relax on his own. He bent down and kissed the visible portion of the scar.
“I have seen every part of you Kong, the best and the worst. And none of it matters to me. Neither should it matter to you.” Arthit slid down the shorts, continuing to kiss along the scar line down his thigh. It was the largest one Kongpob had. He continued to kiss down to his knee and his ankle, caressing all the faint scars that lined them due to minor injuries from the accident.
Kongpob lay in a trance, breathing deeply and feeling all the sensations wash over him as Arthit kissed and touched him all over. He didn’t realise when exactly did he arrive at the crotch, but he jerked up in surprise when a warm mouth enveloped his hard-on in one fell swoop. Arthit took him right down to the throat without so much as a warning.
Kongpob let out a silent scream, barely able to deal with the sudden onslaught of pleasure. Arthit bobbed his head up and down, taking him deep in his throat in every downstroke. He came up and sloppily swirled his tongue around the crown of the head, exactly the way he knew would make Kongpob crazy.
“P’ I’m...ahhh...going to…” Kongpob tried to warn through his delirious state, but Arthit merely sank his mouth down again, all the way till his nose touched skin. Kongpob was driven right over the edge at this erotic sight.
“Ahhh…” He exploded in his throat, orgasm hitting him with full force and forcing him to see stars. He felt him swallow down every bit of the white liquid he sprayed down his throat. Arthit didn’t stop licking and sucking on his cock throughout his orgasm, prolonging it and didn’t stop till Kongpob pushed him away, oversensitive from the stimulation.
Kongpob fell back on the bed totally spent, feeling much more calm and sated than he had felt for a long time. He watched Arthit dreamily, so comfortable that he didn’t want to move a single muscle. His eyes widened when Arthit wiped off some of the cum dripping down his chin and brought the finger to his mouth again, swallowing the whole thing.
“Fuck...P’...” Kongpob slurred. Arthit giggled, seeing his state. Secretly he was even proud of himself, that he still had it in him.
“You already look wrecked.” He continued stroking the insides of his thighs, and saw his cock twitch again on his stomach.
“Hmm. But you didn’t…” Kongpob looked down at the tent forming in Arthit’s pants, and smirked. “Why don’t you put that to better use? ” He teased, his previous tiredness vanishing on the spot at the thought.
Arthit raised his brows. “You seem to be feeling a lot better than before.”
“I would feel even better if you put that cock inside of me.”
Kongpob winked, causing Arthit to pinch the skin of his ass in return. But he also couldn’t help feeling ecstatic that his cheeky-ass boyfriend was back in full form.
“Are you completely sure? It’s been so long, it might hurt you...”
“P’! Are you serious!?” Kongpob whined loudly and tugged at his wrist. Why was Arthit so over-protective all the time? Granted he was allowed to be like that, but damn Kongpob was at his limit now.
“Ok Ok sorry…” Arthit smiled, then bent forwards balancing on his hands, hovering over Kongpob. “Just don’t blame me if you are unable to walk tomorrow.”
“I won’t, you will do that on your own.”
“Cheeky brat.” Arthit pulled at his hair, and proceeded to silence him with a hard kiss.
X
Kongpob turned around on the bed, reaching out for his husband in his sleepy state, ignoring the slight twinge he felt in his butt. He would deal with that later. It was early in the morning, way too early for even Kongpob to wake up. He spooned Arthit from behind, snuggling into him and got a faint hum in return.
“P’Arthit?” He whispered.
“Hmm.”
“Thank you P’.”
“Hmm.”
“Thank you so much.”
“For what?” Arthit mumbled. Kongpob didn’t answer, instead snuggling tighter against Arthit. He heard the faint snores from the latter, and drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face.