Work Text:
“Gege,” Hua Cheng looked up from his sculpture at Xie Lian’s push ups. Momentarily, his train of thought was interrupted by the sight of it. Hot.
“What is it?” Xie Lian drew him back.
“What would you say if I wanted to start a new religion?”
Xie Lian didn’t miss a beat. “You’d be a great cult leader, you’re very charismatic after all.”
Hua Cheng snorted. “Gege, are you going to help me start a cult?”
“Sure. What do we have to do to start one?”
“Well first we have to have some sort of higher power we’re worshipping.”
“Do you need ideas?”
“No, I have that down.”
“Oh?” Xie Lian pushed himself up to sit. “What is it, I want to hear.”
“There’s a god who walks among men and I’m his prophet.”
Xie Lian narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “San Lang:”
“Yes gege?”
“Is the god me?”
“Of course, who else would I worship?”
“San Lang you can't start a cult about me,” Xie Lian laughed, getting up to stretch.
“Why not?”
“What would the cult even do?”
“Whatever gege wants us too.”
“I’m not going to be a cult leader.”
“No of course not, I’m the cult leader and gege’s our god. I wouldn’t trouble you with running the cult.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“Gege didn’t seem to think so when I was worshipping him last night.”
Xie Lian’s blush was a vibrant, beautiful thing. “I don’t want anyone but you… worshipping me.”
“Don’t worry gege, that can stay as the privilege of being your prophet.”
“Once again, what would this cult even do? You’re the only person who thinks I’m interesting.”
“That’s not true and you know it.”
Xie Lian seemed to need a moment before he could remember, but eventually did. “You cannot bring kids into your cult. We’ll get in trouble.”
“Fine, we can have the cult volunteer at the same places as you. In an attempt to get closer to your divinity.”
Xie Lian snorted as if he didn’t believe it, but that too was divine.
“If I can get people to join, would gege still support it?”
“No one is going to join a cult worshipping me but you.” Xie Lian snorted.
“I could have five members by the end of the week.”
Grinning, Xie Lian shook his head. “If you can get five members by next week, I’ll come to your cult meeting dressed however a god is supposed to be dressed.”
“Promise?”
Xie Lian leaned in to kiss him. “Promise.”
***
“Gege you really need to stop making bets with me,” Hua Cheng grinned as he locked in his fifth member, only a day later.
“Hm?” Xie Lian looked up from his book, leaning over to read Hua Cheng’s phone.
“How… Is that your coworker?”
“En, they all love gege so I decided to start with them. I was thinking since gege is doing the city beautification project this weekend we could all go as a cult.”
Xie Lian’s face burned as he hid it in Hua Cheng’s shoulder. “I’m not sure how I feel about having a cult.”
“We’ll get things done much faster with more hands. Ah, I’m up to six members now.”
Xie Lian shook with silent laughter. “Alright, fine. A deals a deal. But I really don’t know why they’d say yes.”
“They liked the pamphlet I made.”
“You made a pamphlet?” Xie Lian turned his head to see, still leaning on his shoulder.
“En.” Hua Cheng scrolled up a bit to enlarge the picture.
Body in Abyss, Heart in Paradise was printed above an eye-catching picture of Xie Lian smiling at the camera, caught in the middle of gardening. The pamphlet went on to talk about the “Scrap Immortal” who “brought small happiness wherever he went”. It did not promise great wealth or success in relationships or anything grand. It was just a pamphlet about bringing Xie Lian and his philosophies into your life to seek joy and leave the world better than you found it.
“This is cute.”
“I’ve been sending it around with the message that our first meeting will be volunteering with you, so it’s not as though they don’t know what they’re signing up for.”
“Don’t you think they’re probably just agreeing to volunteer then?”
Hua Cheng was about to respond when his phone buzzed again.
“Is that recruit number seven?”
“Recruit seven through fifty eight and counting actually.”
“What?” Xie Lian’s gaze shot back down to the phone.
“I sent your friend the pamphlet and I guess it’s been blowing up since she posted it on her social media. I should make a website.”
“Qingxuan really…” Xie Lian looked at the messages coming in from her in shock as Hua Cheng pulled over his laptop.
“What pictures should I use for the banner, gege, a photograph of you or one of my drawings?”
“Are you really making a website?”
“Why not? Gege’s cult is getting big enough to need one.”
Xie Lian shook his head and handed back his phone. “We probably shouldn’t call it a cult if people are actually joining.”
“If they don’t have a sense of humor I’m not sure they’re worth worshipping gege.”
“Well… I guess it’s fine. Everyone will probably get bored after a few volunteering trips with me.”
***
People had not. The count was somewhere in the mid five hundreds. Oddly enough, kids Xie Lian had supported years before seemed to be starting their own chapters of the cult in their own cities. It was nice to know Xie Lian had stuck with them so much that they’d start volunteering like this, but did they really have to do it in the name of his cult?
***
“—and that’s how I started running a nonprofit full time,” Xie Lian finished explaining as Feng Xin and Mu Qing stared.
“In the time since we last spoke. You became. A cult leader.” They had only asked what he did for work now since it had been decades since they’d all last spoken. It was clear even knowing that Xie Lian’s life path had been completely changed when they parted way, they hadn’t expected this.
“Well, no. San Lang leads it, I’m more of the icon for it I guess? And I handle choosing the projects we decide to take on. It’s really not any big deal, it’s more of a volunteer group really. Most of them don’t actually think I’m a god.”
“…most?”
“We’ve had the odd member or two who hears San Lang call me a god or your highness out in public and gets strange about it.”
“Your husband started a cult about you and regularly calls you a god and you don’t think he’s maybe one of the weirdos who takes the god thing seriously?”
Xie Lian really didn’t want to explain his sex life to his childhood friends on their first meeting in so long, so instead he said: “It’s complicated.”
“Where did you even meet this guy?”
It wasn’t a sincere question, but Xie Lian did like talking about his husband. “Oh that’s a much shorter story. You met him too actually—”